DIZZY.LI http://dizzy.li Liy is a writer with over 10 years of experience in communications. She now works independently within the field of development and rights. She also does voiceovers. Sat, 13 Oct 2018 17:38:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.10 The debut of pre_adults, a skate poetry video series http://dizzy.li/2016/10/juicy-skate/ http://dizzy.li/2016/10/juicy-skate/#respond Tue, 25 Oct 2016 13:00:40 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=4174 Read More]]> At the time this video came in from JUICY, I was wrapping my head around a lot of the context behind my identity. History, really, and I was deep in— trying to grasp the impact of colonialism and politicised faith in my family and community, how embedded still in our shopping mall dystopia. Uncovering what was erased, what was changed, what was centred instead, how it fucked us up, how it still fucks us up. And how some effect of all those decisions manifested in me, born on the same land after so much has happened: the next generation to either perpetuate this mess or fix it. At night, anxieties and preoccupations translate to dreams. I paired this JUICY video with one of my dreams. 

 

An abandoned building
A cheap hotel, actually
Run by an old man
The gardens are pretty, but unmanageable. Wild.
Here it’s always night. Dark with a few lights.
I check in. I stay the night. I pay full price.
Four, five good looking boys are sleeping in my car the next morning
When I walk back.
Up close, they look evil. Pretty. Evil.
They ask me what am I doing in this country?
Am I from here? Why did I park here?
I pointed to the old building over there
I had to spend the night. Now I’m going home
Home
They throw me into another car
And drive me to their hideout
Other pretty people are there. Boys. Girls. Mostly boys
I don’t like any of this.
Eventually I figure out that the reason they don’t want me to leave
Is because they want to eat me alive
They discuss who gets which parts
I don’t feel like offering any input
I lean back
Disappear into my head
I drift back to the old building
It’s daytime now, but the streets around it are still night
I circle through and around it, like the wind, trying to find the place I first parked my car
The wind part of me fires up the ignition and I drive back to my mother’s house.
Life goes on as usual. But my mother suddenly says
I have visitors
The pretty and evil boys and girls have paid us a personal visit
They’re here to return my person. My body.
They found my address in the pockets and didn’t want to eat me because my soul went back home behind their backs
I sneak out the back to have a smoke with the girls, the nice ones
I’m trying to persuade them not to eat my mother
It’s okay, it’s okay if they take me back and eat me
They came all the way to find the rest of me here
so it must really mean something to them
And they must be starving by now
But, please, just not here

— Liyana Dizzy for JUICY

[Facebook post]

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/10/juicy-skate/feed/ 0 Interview with Adrienne Yap about Bahaya Book Club http://dizzy.li/2016/10/kul-magazine-bahaya-book-club/ http://dizzy.li/2016/10/kul-magazine-bahaya-book-club/#respond Sat, 22 Oct 2016 13:45:21 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=4181 Read More]]>

written by Adrienne Yap 

As an avid reader, I yearn to share quotes or ideas that come across at 3am with my closest and dearest.

So, when I found out that Liyana Dizzy started a book club which expresses that very idea on Snapchat, I was immediately on it.

The concept is easy – she shares her thoughts and notes of a more challenging read on Snapchat. Followers and readers alike get to respond to her in real time.

Plot twist: a sexting app turned academic discussion platform.

We talked to Liyana about the birth of Bahaya Book Club; which is a side project that came about from her love of reading.

Like most of us, Liyana has a lot of ideas for side projects that never see the light of day.

“They’re so easy to abandon because they would never make me money anyway. I realise the side projects that stick are the ones that complement my obligations and obsessions, instead of those that compete with my hustle time,” she muses.

When she shared pages from the books she read on Twitter, it has always resonated with her readers.

“So I thought about that for a bit, and also about how much I love Snapchat. I sent that first tweet off the moment the idea popped up! I made a point to post it with a picture of a few of the books I want to eventually cover — to gauge interest. I figured if that tweet lit up, then why not?”

When asked what’s in the name of Bahaya Book Club, and whether she thinks the ideas she’s sharing are dangerous, she says, “It’s not so much that these ideas are dangerous kan, but rather they’re both relatable yet inaccessible.”

She notes that Malaysian Twitter has a lot to say on issues and ideas that people online recognise as important and relevant to their lives.

“We want to engage with them, but there are so many obstacles working against us to understand the bigger picture. Those issues are located in censorship, education level, funds, or time. We live in a world that either distracts us with surviving in it or recovering from surviving with some frivolity. There simply isn’t enough time between those two in most of our schedules, or budgets, to make room for the kind of non-fiction reading that could expand and improve on the conversations we are already trying to have. Instead, there’s more room for us to misunderstand and hurt each other online with our ignorance. That, I think, is far more dangerous than any idea in any book.”

She feels very privileged to have developed a healthy reading habit, fully aware of the materials, time and money required to sustain one.

“I don’t want reading to be more isolating than it already is, especially when I feel what I am reading is important for a whole audience who haven’t or can’t access it. Have you heard of the bullshit asymmetry principle?”

“Also, Bahaya stuck with me better than Susah Nak Baca Book Club. Damn, though, I could’ve missed the boat on something far catchier there!”

So, how does one start reading material that is deemed ‘difficult’?

“I guess when I say difficult, I meant that the English can be complicated.”

She is well aware of the boundaries, particularly a project on Snapchat because not everyone has a smartphone or access to the app.

However, she wants to overcome the barrier that many have placed in between them and more complex readings.

“I think people find materials in English intimidating, especially academic English. Their first instinct is “I’m not smart enough for this or this is meant for other kinds of people, not me,” but as long as the material is relevant to their lives, I feel, it might be important for them to know about.”

With that being said, she intends to aid in breaking down the mentality of complex materials being out of one’s comprehension. She does so by explaining what she reads in easier terms, rojak, and even in Bahasa.

“It’s the same material presented differently,” she explains.

At the end of the day, she is interested in diversifying ways of approaching complicated material and discussions.

“Learning something new can change your worldview and preexisting biases. Being open to that experience definitely helps, albeit challenging.”

During our conversation via Whatsapp, she mentions that vocabulary doesn’t factor into the comprehension of a text.

“You can know a bunch of fancy words, but still miss what ideas they convey when strung together. The skill of summarisation is about simplifying ideas despite the fancy words. Distilling those ideas and facts, then applying them to your realities is another thing altogether.”

Her advice for tackling complicated readings is to take the initiative by being brave enough to push those barriers.

“Try reading more intimidating materials or looking up YouTube videos which explain summaries. There’s a lot of quick videos explaining the readings. It’s definitely just all starting points. I think if people want to start, they definitely need to pursue more of those starting points.”

Taking notes goes a long way too, she adds.

Now that we have hopefully piqued your interest, here are the books we can expect to see in future Snapchat stories:

“In a nutshell: Non-fiction! Lots of it. Foreign and local fiction already have an audience, I feel. So I’m more interested in truths and realities already documented. Super relevant material that starts, improves, and continues the conversations we should be having as a community anyway.”

For now, she has no plans on expanding the book club to a permanent platform, although her episodes are backed up on YouTube as unlisted videos.

“I like Snapchat as a platform because people are already using it, and a book club is possibly a little different than your other contacts.”

Liyana enjoys the platform as she gets to jazz things up by adding stickers, blending text and visuals.

“It’s also easy to keep track of how some snaps do better than others, eg screenshot numbers. So the plan is definitely Snapchat for now, just because of the demographic and the impermanence.”

The response has been great, according to Liyana. She relays a story of a guy sending her a series of video snaps.

Although the book she discussed was on Islam and the Qur’an, he as a non-Muslim had a lot to think about regarding the themes of exclusion and male-centric legacies in his own religion.

People have engaged with her by sending what they are reading, asking advice for picking out credible biographies, and more.

“It’s been really great so far. I’m not targeting quantity over quality. So a smaller engagement pool that is really focused is so my thing instead of hundreds of followers who mostly lurk kan.”

There is a reason why she decided on Snapchat, instead of Twitter.

“I think the stuff I pick can definitely fire up trolls quicker than they can think about it. It’s also more likely that stuff gets singled out and I’d rather do that singling out.”

The intention of the book club is the opposite of Twitter’s reactionary environment. “I want it to simmer and sink in. The thought buildup will be more gradual and cautious.”

For those of you who cringe at the idea of Snapchat, do not fret. She has plans on taking the book club offline.

“I think in terms of content, yes. I definitely want to engage with more analogue, old school readers with great libraries who are a little older than the Snapchat demographic and connect those two worlds.”

When asked about the future of Bahaya Book Club, she envisions visiting people with great bookshelves, reviews from guest curators, people sharing ideas and stories from books in their native languages.

Liyana co-runs @BiawakGemok distro with Nine, @supernowoczesna, where they sell and source zines that centers marginalised voices. It helps raise money mainly for Justice For Sisters, a legal fund for persecuted transwomen in Malaysia, and SEED who offer support for the marginalised in Chow Kit. She also has an interactive solo offstage poetry performance called #GeraiPuisiSegera, which started about 2-3 years ago. She has spontaneously written about 200 poems so far at festivals and bazaars in Malaysia. 

On top of that, she is also working on her first podcast series and a couple of zines, but that’s coming along slowly, because we all know the struggle of having a day job.

To find out more about her, check out her website or say hi on Twitter. 

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/10/kul-magazine-bahaya-book-club/feed/ 0 Over 21 topics for Open Table at #EJOpenHouse 2016! http://dizzy.li/2016/09/ejopenhouse/ http://dizzy.li/2016/09/ejopenhouse/#respond Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:25:49 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=4154 Read More]]> The good people at Englishjer have invited me to be part of their Open Table sessions for their third Englishjer Open House 2016 just in time for Malaysia Day. It’s this Saturday from 12pm onwards at Gajah Tiga Cafe in KL. I was told that Open Table sessions meant people could come up to me for an hour or so and talk about anything they wanted to, in English.

englishjeropenhouse2016

Other really cool people doing open tables are JJ, Nadia Khan, Dr. Afif Bahardin, Adi Putra Abd Ghani, Altimet, Sharifah Amani, Anwar Hadi & Takahara Suiko. Even I want to sit down and talk to these flers. 

My session is at 3pm, so come then if you’d like to talk, hang out, meet me and practice your English! I know this can cause some anxiety, so I thought maybe it’d be helpful if I listed some things you can talk to me about to kickstart our conversation and make the most of our time 🙂

What you should know before saying hi at #EJOpenHouse

1.

I’ve never lived overseas before— in fact, I joke all the time that I’ve spent nearly 10,000 days in Kuala Lumpur (and sometimes Kedah). I went to SK, SMK, and even UiTM for a bit, and then a college in Technology Park Malaysia, Bukit Jalil before finally finishing a degree at UCSI University. I’ve been told my whole life that my English was far better than average, but I don’t think that makes me better (OR SMARTER) than you. I think it was because I read a lot since I was a child, and I soaked up a lot of English media along the way too. English is the most exported language in the world. It happens. My mother is a single mother who sells cookies and cupcakes for a living, and she told me that it doesn’t matter what I do in life— as long as my English is good, I can survive. I didn’t agree with her at first, but now I do. So I definitely have some privilege because of my English fluency, but I like to think that the same exposure I have to learning English is the exposure ANYONE can have in the age of the Internet.

2. 

Don’t ever feel shy about speaking English! Don’t apologise for how bad your English is, don’t feel weird about speaking it. This isn’t the space for that. When you think about it, everyone learning English already speaks another language fluently— and being bilingual or even trilingual is nothing to feel ashamed about. The fact that you’re still in the process of perfecting your English doesn’t make you less smart than anyone else. It’s the people who are shameless and unapologetic about this that really make progress in their English language. So don’t think I’m better than you either just because my English is better! I’m sure I have a lot to learn from you too.

3.

Why am I famous? Is Liyana Dizzy even famous? I’m not sure. Englishjer’s website says “Come and sit down with these personalities over drinks and ask them about their lives, passion, and everything in between!” so it’s true to say I am definitely more of a “personality” than a “celebrity.” People on Twitter seem to appreciate my opinions, and I have enough side projects to keep me busy in the city. On that note, I’ve documented almost all of them on this website, so please feel free to talk to me about anything on http://dizzy.li as well (including my bio). So yes, this includes ALL my part-time jobs, my mistakes, my successes, and ALL my side projects too.

Over 21 things we can talk about at #EJOpenHouse

These are topics that are definitely NOT off-limits for the Open Table, so come prepared and let’s talk! I’ll try bring some books from my library to refer to as well. I own more books than clothes, so this might be tough for me. Like many writers, I’m really interested in people and their stories— so please don’t be shy to talk to me about yourself.

Level 1: English-related

How to practice writing more — Or writing better. What are your writing rituals? What blocks you, and what keeps you going? What do you want to write about, and why do you feel writing is important?
How to be a good English student — I’m trained to be an English teacher under CELTA, so you can talk to me about your progress and how you think you can do better
Your work — What do you do, and how do you feel about it? What has it taught you?
Your studies — What do you study, and how has it opened your eyes about the world we live in?
Shakespeare — Umm if you don’t understand Shakespeare or any other English-speaking writer you need to study, bring what you don’t understand and I can translate his writing into plain English or even explain in rojak for you.
Your poetry / writing — Do you need a second pair of eyes for your work? Some super super honest feedback? Throw it my way. I’m not an expert but as someone who reads a lot, I’ll try to help. 

Level 2: Real talk 

Talk to me about your reactions to any of my Twitter threads here: 

Your favourite music — What do you listen to, and what do you like about that music?
Your favourite stories — I love stories . Talk to me about your favourite books, movies, comics, and why they left an impression on you. Did it change the way you see your life or the world?
Your hobbies — What do you do for fun? What do you like about it? What does it teach you? Does it make you a better person, and why? What’s entertaining about it?
Your previous jobs — What did you do for a living before? What did you learn about yourself and the world from it? What do you want to do in the future?
Mental health — As a neuro-atypical person myself, I hold no stigma about any mental health issues you may be facing. We’re all on a journey and all the pressures of life can be really hard on us. We can talk about that.
Relationship advice — Hahahaha but I’m serious actually
Anxiety about the future — This thread had a lot of people entering my DMs asking about their lives. We can have an in-person conversation about that instead. 

Things you can’t talk to your family about — Lol you know. It’s fine. It’ll take a lot to surprise me, I promise.
How the 16personalities.com test helped me understand myself — Take the test before meeting me and let’s talk about your results and how it can help you with friendships, relationships, and your workplace. This test changed my life, so I have a lot to say about it. 

Level 3: Fight me(?) 

Well, not really. But these are pretty controversial topics, and I think they’re much better to talk about in person than Twitter sometimes. All you need to know is that you and I have both good intentions and come from a good place, and sometimes new ideas can be scary and confusing, but it’s part of growing up.

LGBT community — or LGBT rights, are they really a national security threat to Malaysia, should I keep on hating these people, etc.
Muslim feminists — Is it even possible to be Muslim and feminist at the same time? What does being feminist even mean? What do you think being a Muslim feminist is? Are you a Muslim feminist? Do you know others?
Toxic masculinity — Something you may have heard in “Western” discussions. How does toxic masculinity affect you? How does it affect me?
My Muslim perspective — I’ve often been described as too Muslim for non-Muslims and not Muslim enough for Muslims. So I call myself a sandwich Muslim, but what I really am is a stubborn Muslim. I get it. I don’t ‘look’ like people you might think of as Muslims. So come pick my brain about that and see my perspective.
How to pray more often — I know what it’s like to struggle to pray regularly. And really mean it too! Maybe you can’t talk to people you’re close to about this, so I’m here to help (confidentially). I definitely have a few tips to share about what worked for me when I was struggling.
Unlearning stereotypes — Maybe you’re changing your mind about things you always thought were true. And you don’t know who to talk about it with, because you don’t feel the people around you will understand. Which of these ideas are temporary influences and which will be part of your lifelong philosophy?
The ummah’s problems — Hah! There are a lot. If you’re Muslim, let’s talk about Muslims, Muslim to Muslim. There’s a lot more to the Muslim community than just the views of Malay (and Arab) people of course. 

See you Saturday!

You can’t miss me, I have glasses and a little bit of blue-green hair. Come say hi.

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/09/ejopenhouse/feed/ 0 Liyana Dizzy & Tria Aziz are headlining If Walls Could Talk vol. 21 http://dizzy.li/2016/08/liyana-dizzy-tria-aziz-are-headlining-if-walls-could-talk-vol-21/ http://dizzy.li/2016/08/liyana-dizzy-tria-aziz-are-headlining-if-walls-could-talk-vol-21/#respond Mon, 08 Aug 2016 04:39:06 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=4010 Read More]]> And Biawak Gemok will be there too to sell some zines from RM5-10! Here’s the flyer for you to share and the link to the Facebook events page.

This year marks about 9-10 years since the very first time I shared anything I’ve written to strangers while standing on a stage. What a tornado!

 

 

 

 

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/08/liyana-dizzy-tria-aziz-are-headlining-if-walls-could-talk-vol-21/feed/ 0 Biawak Gemok listed in an Insider Guide on The Guardian http://dizzy.li/2016/07/biawak-gemok-guardian/ http://dizzy.li/2016/07/biawak-gemok-guardian/#respond Mon, 11 Jul 2016 12:51:57 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=3943 Read More]]> Nine texted me in all caps when she found out our zine distro received a shoutout in Sze Ying Goh’s Insider’s Guide to Kuala Lumpur! Sze records the ambient sounds of Devi’s in Bangsar, lists her favourite building (PJ Trade Centre), venue (Wisma Central in Ampang), Instagram account (it’s @designarkib!), homegrown talent (artist Engku Iman), and more. Clicking the image takes you to the article—

theguardiansze1

Here we are listed in her Insider’s Guide Five to follow— alongside some really cool names.

theguardiansze2 Thanks for the shout-out Sze! This is her twitter.

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/07/biawak-gemok-guardian/feed/ 0 “I try not to dwell in small places after a hunt” http://dizzy.li/2016/06/i-try-not-to-dwell/ http://dizzy.li/2016/06/i-try-not-to-dwell/#respond Sat, 25 Jun 2016 03:42:21 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=2819 Read More]]> I try not to dwell in small places after a hunt,
Or for long anywhere these days; any moment, any space
if reckless, permits your scent’s return
Like a cat expecting dinner after a long adventure,
Coolly curled at the door, the ledge, scratching sometimes
As if it knows I’ve been fishing— but I will not flip
the light switch, I try not to dwell. Or else, in the dark,
my eyes will fall to rest past the curtains
On the matted fur where a collar once was
(a little too tightly in fact)

— Liyana Dizzy, 27

liy_20140625_poemdwellrocket

Written for Rocket while waiting for a work event to start. Her three words: flip, scent, and long.

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/06/i-try-not-to-dwell/feed/ 0 Biawak Gemok is in Time Out KL’s reading special http://dizzy.li/2016/05/biawak-gemok-on-time-out-kl/ http://dizzy.li/2016/05/biawak-gemok-on-time-out-kl/#respond Wed, 25 May 2016 06:46:09 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=3932 Read More]]> Nadia Rosli of Time Out KL featured our lil zine distro in Time Out KL’s special books issue (May 2016). Nine and I also recommend some of our favourite zines.

Three questions with Biawak Gemok

by Nadia Rosli

booth-nov2015

Biawak Gemok Distro sells zines (small, self-published magazines) – specifically, zines concerning social issues like LGBTQ and religion. We speak to the duo behind the distro, Liy and Nine.

Tell us about yourself.
Nine: I’m a writer and editor, I’m originally from Northern Ireland.
Liy: I’m a part-time publicist, part-time writer and also part-time voiceover talent so I guess I work a lot with the English language in terms of writing and speaking. I’m very concerned about reading being accessible because it can be an expensive hobby here.

How did you guys get started?
L: We started last year, Nine was already selling zines and I had a booth for instant poems. We decided to expand our zine selection and make it official. The name was Nine’s idea.
N: Biawak Gemok is my idea for what may be the Komodo dragon.

Why zines?
L: I feel like zines make the idea of reading a lot more accessible. I’m a big fan of sharing stories and getting experiences that aren’t necessarily mainstream to the surface.
N: The beauty of zines is that there are no rules; you do it your way, there is no particular format, completely DIY. I love reading people who write about their personal experiences and connect it to a wider issue in society.

Biawak Gemok’s zine picks

castaside

“Cast Aside is a simple zine celebrating unsung Japanese heroes, it makes me really happy, Chiune Sugihara’s story made me cry, to be honest.” – Nine

raceingdating

“Race-ing And Dating is about life in KL from the perspective of a young Nigerian man who’s been living here for nine years.” – Liy

thepastdidntgoanywhere

“The Past Didn’t Go Anywhere is about anti-Semitism from an anti-Islamophobia, pro-Palestine perspective and I really want to get it translated into Malay.” – Nine

onebiglongkang

“Shieko Reto’s ‘One Big Longkang’ series are five zines sharing the perspective of life in KL as a transwoman.” – Liy

aroundhere

“This was made by a guy who came to our zine-making workshop at Buy Nothing Day and he put so much effort into this. He came that day purposely for this. He’s from Southern Thailand and was made to migrate here because of the conflict and this is about his experiences of moving to KL. This is exactly the kind of stuff that I want us to be putting out there.” – Nine

Sales from the zines go to SEED and Justice For Sisters. Find Biawak Gemok at creative markets like Art for Grabs. Follow them on Instagram for updates.

Instagram Photo

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/05/biawak-gemok-on-time-out-kl/feed/ 0 Conversation: Discussing Spectacles http://dizzy.li/2016/03/discussing-spectacles/ http://dizzy.li/2016/03/discussing-spectacles/#comments Sun, 13 Mar 2016 08:12:25 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=3735 Read More]]> A conversation between Syar and Liy on the conversation between artist Sharon Chin and curator Sze on 20 February 2016.

Their conversation:

“(Goh) Sze (Ying) interviews Sharon (Chin) about taking part in APT8 (8th Asia Pacific Triennial of Contemporary Art). This is a sharing and dialogue session in the form of an interview between Sze and Sharon. You can listen quietly or take part in the conversation. You’ll be seated around us (pretty close! See drawing in the event photo)” — from event description

Event photo— with time, date, and venue
(Goh) Sze (Ying) menemubual Sharon (Chin) tentang penyertaanya dalam APT8 (8th Asia Pacific Triennial of Contemporary Art)

@Szeee

Sze (b. 1983) is a visual designer who has had many disparate roles in the areas of art, design, and urbanism. Her work is predominantly concerned with the relationship between aesthetics and politics in urban spaces. These days, she is mostly researching for an upcoming exhibition under the aegis of the Japan Foundation’s Curators’ Workshop Programme 2016/17.

@theSharonChin

Sharon (b. 1980) is an artist and writer living in Port Dickson. She’s made all sorts of things in all sorts of places, from museums to city sidewalks. In 2013, she bathed in public with a hundred people for ‘Mandi Bunga/Flower Bath’, a project at Singapore Biennale. ‘Weeds/Rumpai’, a series of paintings of weeds on political party flags is currently showing at Queensland Art Gallery as part of the 8th Asia Pacific Triennial of Contemporary Art. Right now, she’s working on stuff that combines illustration and journalism. www.sharonchin.com

This conversation:

Friends and collaborators Liyana Dizzy and Syar S. Alia get on Telegram to discuss their experience of the conversation between Sze, Sharon, and other attendees. The conversation has been restructured for clarity and edited minimally. 

@Liy

Liyana Dizzy is a freelance writer, Biawak Gemok zine distro co-person, Cambridge-certified English teacher, and voiceover talent. She’s lived in Kuala Lumpur her whole life. She also writes instant poems through her offstage performance series #GeraiPuisiSegera.

@SyarSAlia

Syar S. Alia is a writer, editor, and currently works in arts administration. She works as a freelance rapporteur and facilitator for and with many local and regional women’s rights NGOs and was formerly one of the managing editors for ISSUE Magazine.

 

Liy: I have a question I thought I could ask first. You initially said that you weren’t planning on writing about the conversation. What changed?

Syar: I think once the conversation went into discourse on local Malaysian art amongst Malaysian artists and writers, I became more aware of my positioning within the audience as someone who does have the capability to write about it. By capability I just mean, inclination and prior experience of writing about similar “cultural” events. Someone with the existing tools/skillset and general interest/time to invest because of said interest. It brought to the forefront an awareness of who else wasn’t in the room who might have wanted to be. I think once they started talking about writing about art, I was suddenly interested in writing about that conversation. Were you always planning on writing about the talk? What were your expectations as to what the talk would be?

Liy: That feeling of being more aware of your positioning within the audience – There were many ways that happened for me too, and that those ways stuck with me after the conversation. Sharon Chin is one of my favourite artists, but I would have already committed to showing up just for two women in the arts talking to each other and nothing else.

Syar: Exactly. That was my reasoning for the art talk I went to last year for Katakatha and that was how I framed the way I wrote about [that talk] as well.

Liy: Some naïveté in me supposed that everyone else there would be there for the same reason too.

Syar: Mhm, I get ya. That they would share that same conviction or awareness of the special quality of having that for a talk about anything lol

Liy: I also like showing up to not be anyone important in the audience. I have no investment, directly, I suppose, in the arts scene compared to others there. I was a minority in the room in that way.

Syar: Oh okay, I have a point about that! Related back to what you said about being made aware of your positioning. Because at one point, one of them, maybe Sharon said, prefacing a point, that many of us here are artists or represent arts institutions. And I went hazy on that before going into sharp focus about my day job which is in fact, working as an arts manager at an arts institution. This time last year, I wasn’t part of this world at all.

Liy: Did you then feel you were representing Rimbun Dahan? Or rather that others there would see you as that, even if you didn’t see yourself that way?

Syar: In some ways! like disclaimer: Sharon is going to do a Hotel Penaga residency in May!* and Sze has applied to do one at Rimbun. I was absolutely aware of that when I attended, and I have attended similar events purely because a resident (or a resident to-be) was part of it. But I did feel more that others might see me there as “Rimbun Dahan Arts Manager” more than I did myself, yeah. I also again was made aware of my positioning like, is there anything here I can bring back to my job, to my boss, to other artists.

*The owners of Rimbun Dahan also own and run the residency at Hotel Penaga in Penang, which I help manage with regards to applications and liaising with artists. I should also note though that I had known about and been interested in Sharon’s work before she applied and got accepted – Syar

Liy: Ahh. On my end, I assisted Sharon Chin for two of her exhibitions/performances: Weeds at Merdekarya and Mandi Bunga at the Singapore Biennale a few years ago. That’s when I became far more exposed to her work than just casually seeing them at exhibits.

Syar: How did those experiences impact your impression/engagement/relationship with Malaysian art and the art scene?

Liy: I realised how accessible art can be. I really like how Sharon brings art to the public, which is why I wanted to hear her talk about her process. Her approach to me has always been to zoom out, which appeals to me a lot. So as I mentioned earlier, I was there because I wanted the experience of two women talking about the intersection between artistic process and the art industry, than say “thinking about power and money in relation to art” or any of the “come if you are” reasons listed on the event.

Syar: Yeah, I agree – I was very much invested in that intersection too.

Liy: And now that we’re talking about being suddenly aware of positioning AND that I am looking at the Facebook events page for a rough idea of what to expect, I wonder if positioning took up more of the conversation than it should’ve.

Syar: Mmm, good point.

Liy: The conversation was very much about the Biennale at first. But within half an hour it became about how Sharon even ended up at the event, and then within 10 minutes it descended to an analysis of her privilege and access to the event. By 4:40pm we were wondering who could write about art, and positions of knowledge and experience regarding curators and artists.

Syar: Yeah, it really did feel like it was going to be this deep macro/micro focus on the experience of being a part of APT8. I thought it went beyond her individual experience to “ART IN MALAYSIA BY MALAYSIANS” almost immediately. The trajectory was pretty – idk what the word is, but it definitely moved far from where we started, and splintered.

Liy: I do think their decision to let their audience have some sort of power to set or change their conversation’s dynamics lead to what Sze later called chaos I suppose.

Syar: The convo panned out on Saturday the way it did because of the audience. With another group (or maybe even venue, like geographically) it could’ve been different. An interesting thing might have been to have this talk multiple times, in different locales, different audience every time.

Liy: I totally agree. And Sze’s tweets! said a lot after the talk didn’t it

Syar: Okay so my q about Sze’s tweets (if I can remember it) – “Two makes a conversation, any number beyond ten makes a performance.” From the poster and the social media promotion of the event, I was expecting a performance, actually, which I didn’t articulate to myself until after Sze’s tweets. Which isn’t to say I was expecting artifice, or high drama but that preoccupation with positioning you mentioned

Liy: How so a performance?

Syar: I felt like, something that structured – substantiating the seating arrangement in relation to the discussion, thoughts about audience engagement before (the FAQ Sharon did) and during – that’s a lot more thought than most people put in events, first of all. And secondly, it reminded me of theatre. So while I wasn’t expecting Sharon or Sze (who I’ve never seen speak before) to put on different personas or put on a play, I thought that the persona of Artist speaking to Curator was positioned from the very start and there’s a performative aspect to the meeting of those two labels.

Liy: I see what you mean, especially about how it was framed setting up my expectations. I think I expected those personas from the setup, and coupled with the expectations I brought from home to see two women make their own space and visibility from their own ends of the art industry as Artist and Curator. I felt like maybe I was going to be listening in on a work lunch conversation, you know? Maybe that’s why I felt uncomfortable about their alternative to a Q&A format – I think talking events are a bit over this Q&A format these days and are still tweaking out ways to talk with their audience without losing the center.

Syar: I hate Q&As so I get the reservations.

Liy: Sharon is definitely an example of an artist who wants people to come and take center and participate, but I only know that from her art. It’s a different thing altogether to have them do that IN your process, like your thought or conversation process for a dialogue.

Syar: Yeah, I didn’t think it would be so casual, considering how careful they were (or considering the care I perceived in the information given before the event)

Liy: If you were one to value your train of thought and want to protect it and grow it out to its meant-to-be length, offering some part of the driver’s seat to the audience can be anxious. I feel Sharon does that protecting, and then opens up her art like a hug to share with everyone.

Syar: Yeah, other people are very present in what I know of Sharon’s art and it’s part of why I enjoy engaging with it and find it something pleasurable and meaningful to access. It makes sense for this talk to be, in some way, an extension of that/her process (which I know less about) and she outlined this ethos very early on when she brought in the point about artists talking to other artists, artists documenting their work and other people’s work. The need for the process to be public and participatory is part of that.

Liy: I think it’s possible that we felt the performance-y expectations of it because of how further apart away we orbit from those who spoke up in the audience. Maybe they just felt they were hanging out in someone’s living room lol – “Let me just chiiime in”

Syar: Lol maybe! Maybe they don’t have my hang ups about speaking in a group, which is fair enough.

Liy: Without a doubt I feel that [alternative Q&A] decision lead me to walk away with a very different memory of the talk. And before talking to you about this, I was flipping through the cute zine Sharon made for everyone and the last pages had graphs and stuff. I LOVE DATA – I feel cheated out of data.

Syar: YES agreed

Liy: Because we ended up navel gazing about whatever the audience wanted to talk about.

Syar: I may not love graphs, but I wanted more process talk for sure.

Liy: I get that we want to be zen and say maybe there’s no wrong way of having the event or something like whatever happened was meant to happen…

Syar: I may have zoned out at the slides of other art but that didn’t mean I didn’t want Sharon to talk us through APT8 and her experience. I don’t think our critiques of what didn’t happen vs. what happened is supposed to condemn the entire event or how it was run. It ultimately was what it was and we still got something out of it. It was like what Sharon said when she was talking about language, about how in Malaysia maybe we are trained to be able to extract meaning even in situations where we literally do not understand the words because at some point or another, or rather often, that’s going to happen. Any participatory talk/event is going to be susceptible to the whims of different people’s agendas.

Liy: I also really appreciate how much time was spent on the different ways of saying no or rather the rationale behind different kinds of nos and being strategic about them.

Syar: Ohh that whole part about refusal. That part stayed with me too. And then Sharon demonstrated!! in how she engaged with some of the audience, which was………..beautiful. I mean, I went into 2k16 thinking “This is my year of continuing to say no” so that really resonated. There was a page in the zine (we both doodled in our zines) that had two column of words, that were antonyms of the other and I did a little pairing exercise for fun, and I connected refusal with power

Liy: In my event notes I wrote that Sze asked “Refusal can be an exercise in vanity. How do you say no and continue the conversation?” Which to me parallels what you matched up! Power to will a response or conversation that you started, yknow?

Syar: Yeah, I wrote down that same part.

Liy: For our reference, here is what Sze tweeted after the talk:

  • Inclusion is chaotic
  • (tho chaos is not necessarily bad)
  • Questions do not always reflect curiosity
  • Silence is a way of participating
  • She wishes she could see thought bubbles
  • Anticipation is impatience
  • 2 makes a conversation
  • 10+ makes a performance
  • Format =/= process.
  • The script is debilitating.
  • Anxiety is a force to be reckoned with.
  • How to work with instead of around it?

Syar: “Questions do not always reflect curiosity” – that was a big one. Maybe loops back to what you described as your naïveté, of thinking that other people at the talk were there for similar reasons to yours, which is something I experience a lot too

Liy: Yes it totally does, I really thought people would be psyched to see this TYPE of event, self-initiated by two women and that alone would merit some concentration and some idea to not interrupt????

Syar: IKR!!!!!! Cuba syukur sikit

Liy: She shared an article later from feministkilljoys sampling the quote “Treat your first reactions as pedagogy.” A great thing to be reminded of when thinking about this talk right now lol

Syar: Omg I was gonna bookmark that but damn it looks like a #megalongread

Liy: The Priya thing that was happening on Twitter at the same time as the talk* was referring to a kind of event cliche we’re all familiar with, no?

*CONTEXT: Syar was on Twitter while she was in the audience of the talk. She saw tweets from writer, lawyer, vocal-woman @priya_ebooks addressing the court ruling that recording artist Kesha “cannot record music without Sony and her alleged abuser’s label while the abuse case is ongoing” which led to other tweets about men’s responses to the case and the commentary (specifically questioning Kesha’s claims of abuse) that zoomed out to how men participate in public discourse. Syar found this relevant to how she viewed some of the interruptions and input provided by the audience of Sharon and Sze’s talk, specifically the men in the audience

Syar: There was no way a convo about this convo can escape the derailment

Liy: Am I derailing by thinking about it lol crysmile

Syar: Haha no

Liy: The derailment stuck with me. And that is a fault of mine that I couldn’t shake it off to see the rest of the talk as clearly. A lot of my most keenly remembered reactions to it were framed as “What will Sharon say to this person talking right now?” and I felt like she too really took time to consider and re-word her thoughts. Even Sze’s list I feel mentioned the derailment without mentioning the derailment.

Syar: We’re bound to come to it but honestly I forgot everything those dudes said.

Liy: To be honest, the derailment’s contents itself don’t interest me.

Syar: I know, I guess I’m projecting to potential comments to whatever this [conversation we’re having] turns out to be, like “Well, what was said?” and tbh I don’t care and it was so inconsequential. “Some thoughts by dudes!” so basically, garbage we have too much of #MISANDRY. You are way more articulate on this than me so speak on it.

Liy: I felt like the event was a rare kind of event, that it wasn’t very common, that it was a deliberate attempt by two women to carve some space on their own terms. And we ALL know that is rare, we all know that interruptions and Q&A hijackings are far more common. I was annoyed that the rare became the common, even for a while. I agree with you that it’d be cool if this event is held many more times, even maybe by other women, about other topics, and on their own terms. And maybe we would be able to get to the back of Sharon’s zine, or at least see her process as she envisioned the format would reveal it.

Syar: But also imagine Sharon and Sze meeting say, five times to discuss the same topic with different audiences, then maybe recording/presenting/discussing what happened at each discussion. I think as an experiment it would be interesting

Liy: Yeah, THAT would be very performance-y.

Syar: True, but maybe they could subvert that by being aware of it and committing to having a conversation amongst themselves every night. Like after the talk kan someone made a point of how censorship ALWAYS comes up and that’s true.

Liy: Self-censorship, yeah

Syar: Self-censorship that then lead to just general censorship by The State, because that’s our context [in Malaysia].

Liy: But that’s the thing, self-censorship as a topic was not introduced into the whole thing by Sze or Sharon, but by an audience member. it was sorta wedged in there. And I can’t say that it was a totally welcome direction to go in.

Syar: So it’s almost like you can’t ever discuss art or expression without discussing in the same breath who’s gonna stop you.

Liy: Yeah totally, government trolls us every time lol and we troll ourselves using their trolling

Syar: I think I said something like – a writer like JD Salinger can refuse all interviews until he’s dead and people are like, “Oh stoic man writer with principles” but when women who are vocal about their work and thoughts etc are also vocal about what they hold back and why – often I see them being undermined for not being “honest” or “open” or (fuck this especially) “courageous.” I don’t know if that’s the most spot on comparison, but it’s like when you give up the silence you’re trained into as a woman, you’re then obliged never to shut up again (at the expense of your own voice)?

Liy: I think it also says something about a listener’s hesitation to interrupt or change their mode of participation, since Sze says silence is also participation.

Syar: This is related to the Kesha and Dr Luke case which lead to Priya’s tweets – people have been BANGING ON about how other female artists haven’t spoken up, completely railing on them for being silent while letting men and male artists get off scot free.

Liy: And even THAT is derailing into Demi vs. Taylor pulak tbh!

Syar: It’s all fuckin gross! And completely also disregards that these women COULD have a history or relationship with abuse and trauma that keeps them silent FOR A REASON/STRATEGICALLY/FOR THEIR PROTECTION I’m getting off on a tangent

Liy: I have an idea. If we operate on the idea that the talk might have been frustrating/anxious/disappointing in some ways or not entirely how they wanted it to have turned out then, maybe Sze selecting quotes and tweeting them individually is a way of reclaiming some of that power back over the situation, some curation so to speak. For a last conversation sprint, how about we look at each and think about it for a bit, the ones she time-stamped. I’ll number them. I feel it’s important that she chose them out of everything to take away.

  1. “Archive your work online. Social media doesn’t count.”
  2. “Artists should write: about yourselves and other artists.”
  3. “Invite someone along.”
  4. “Bahasa bukan masalah, tapi kenyataan.”
  5. “Communicate continuously.”
  6. Art circulates beyond objects and states.
  7. We should try not to resolve things.
  8. Wong Hoy Cheong quote

Syar: I guess it’s also a good time to remind ourselves that we don’t actually have proof that they were frustrated/anxious/disappointed about the turn of events, and we’re also projecting our own agendas.

Liy: Yes! I have faith in this talk format tho as opposed to waiting for organizers or larger themed events. They set it up so admirably low-key.

Syar: I think it’s something worthy of being developed and/or repeated.

Liy: Especially as a women-initiated way to get more space for their voices and conversation. Like, can women everywhere please normalise this, this talking about things you’re really good at?

Syar: Or things you’re really bad at tbh!!! Prioritize process. Prioritize broadcasting process.

Liy: I really want that stuff normalised, so I do get emotionally involved about how much I could access Sharon and Sze’s processes. I feel like what Sharon was openly rooting for in the talk (and what Sze selected out of that for Twitter) was stuff that facilitate different kinds of representation and presentation. That really energised me to get playful, to get experimental myself. Show off your work! Invite each other along! Talk to each other! Don’t let language barriers disrupt your shit! Remember art gets around! Embrace the idea of it being a continuous unresolved thing we work through together! I love it.

Syar: To me, everything that Sze outlined (which definitely are my personal highlights) emphasized community, emphasized mindful linkages. It reminded me of when I attended that talk that had Nadiah Bamadhaj, another artist who’s now based in Yogyakarta. She talked about her isolation in KL, having to drive so many highway stretches to get from studio to gallery to other gallery etc etc – the sprawl affects us and shapes relationships and absences. So to write, to record, archive, to refer, to stammer in languages you’re not comfortable in, is to constantly be trying to communicate to others.

Liy: I feel like our conversation is a bit messy but I’m happy we’re having it. I’m not sure if I’m focusing the bestest right now. How do you think we’re doing? Meta moment

Syar: We had a flow that’s organic and we might as well follow that as opposed to restructuring it to be neater. 

Liy: An attempt to weirdly zoom out – to me, looks like – a talk that’s meant to be about participating in the Asia Pacific Triennial of Contemporary Art, by a curator and artist, making an event specifically as a space for people to access a conversation between them and possibly participate (in that order ‘you can listen quietly or take part’) – started out with an introduction of APT8 highlights, but after taking a few unexpected and sort of charged and anxious insidery turns, becomes a string of reminders to energise people to playfully participate and experiment with your community/friends/people. In a way, that reminder ‘defeated’ the insidery and I like that

Syar: That’s definitely a more productive perspective of things!

Liy: That’s probably the best thing you can get out of something that will be recorded and made public later after a turbulent middle bit takes away our chances to get to the end of the zine lol

Syar: I felt like the introduction of tension brought a different energy to the talk but also maybe even MORE energy. People paid attention to either the interrupter or to Sharon’s response

Liy: YES more energy

Syar: I did think that at no point did either of them lose control of their voices.

Liy: Sze’s response too, and even Sharon when she approved and seconded Sze’s response lol. I fiercely admire Sharon’s and Sze’s eloquence with that, their measure of words

Syar: Sze’s interventions were always articulate and purposeful, in marking the flow, sorting through what was unnecessary and very much going “We’re not talking about this because it isn’t the time and it isn’t useful.” A no that wasn’t a closed door. I think we didn’t get much of a chance to poke beyond the skin of what a biennale/triennale is (as a collection/curation of works, as representative of regions/spaces/schools of thoughts, as an Art Event) but they did introduce some very enticing seeds. For example Sharon bringing up the idea of a biennale that was entirely artist run conversations. Is talking about art also art etc etc

Liy: I also learned from Sze that when something is not clearly going anywhere, a good response to it is to say “the discussion will continue ad infinitum” because there are different ways to do art-making. I like that while the audience might get particularly fixated on the quality of the art, Sharon and Sze seem to be most keen that people do art at all. I need women like that in my life. I would drive to access their voices and process and feel like I am part of something emerging with them.

Syar: Okay I gotta wrap up yo, got a skype date

Liy: OOOH SKYPE DATE

Syar: With my best friend lol. Not that that’s not worthy of caps

Liy: Well I need to go run into the dark now too

Syar: Okay be careful. Wear something reflective

Liy: I will. So makcik I love it lol. Bye <3

Syar: Byeee

Check out Syar’s website and Sharon Chin’s website. 

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/03/discussing-spectacles/feed/ 1 “I used to pray” http://dizzy.li/2016/03/i-used-to-pray/ http://dizzy.li/2016/03/i-used-to-pray/#respond Tue, 01 Mar 2016 02:08:10 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=4026 Read More]]> I used to pray
for the ability to remember.
You see, my grandmother
turned out best at forgetting.
and I remember late nights
where she would call out to
her husband to come to bed
so she could sleep
when he had been in the earth
for years
the details of his death
were eased out of her memory
like how the ocean swiftly
wipes out love notes in sand
but the joy of sea toes
is, turns out, immortal
she took it with her to rest
400km from his bed of now
I never really knew their love
But some days I laugh so loud
all my blood comes alive
and we all remember
again

— Liyana Dizzy, 28

]]> http://dizzy.li/2016/03/i-used-to-pray/feed/ 0 Breakfast http://dizzy.li/2015/12/gps-breakfast/ http://dizzy.li/2015/12/gps-breakfast/#respond Sat, 12 Dec 2015 08:15:44 +0000 http://dizzy.li/?p=4110 Read More]]> After years of international
cement cravings lighting up the maps
I need to pay way too much
at my neighbourhood supermarket
if I want to graze nutrition
from ancient ancestral authentic
super foods, more whole than my soul
My wallet sympathies are not aligned
to this diet
can’t do quinoa breakfasts
at sunrise flown in from the lands
that sell them while dreaming of
better futures and softer borders
(as I do)

The grownups made candy for my
childhood years that turned
my tongue purple
That’s what they could get
And today, I, buy just a box or two
Of cheap cereal, modeled by cartoons
Of endangered wildlife
With some facts at the back of the box
Just to keep it real

— Liyana Dizzy, 28

for Nads

]]> http://dizzy.li/2015/12/gps-breakfast/feed/ 0