dKing Unleashed

10 Things “Being Married” teaches you

2010-01-07T02:00:33-08:00

Most of you out there may want to roll a piece of paper and hit thwack on my head and ask, “Where the fuck have you been, you assole?” after my recent almost Sanyaas from both blogging and social networking, whether online or in physical. But let me tell you, it’s not all my fault. It’s the fault of being a man with “responsibilities” now! There so many things to do, just so many! It sometimes feels like you just cannot manage to take time out for yourself, let alone blogging! What’s more, work plays an even bad spoil sport and keeps loading up on you! It’s like the Universe’s trick to get the worst on you to get the best out in you!

Let’s hit the nail right home! I am itching to write this blog post! By the way I am almost done with a month and a half of being married, which has on its own taught me so much as a precursor that I wonder sometimes what more could be left to teach. But I am proven wrong each time!

It teaches you how to share, your time I mean! You suddenly find that a large, lion’s share of your time is reserved for your family. No more sitting inside the room and reading that book you recently bought! It is important that you spend time with your family when they are watching mindless and dumb fucked serials on the idiot box. Well, you can’t read the book even before you go to sleep either! You need to understand that that time has been solely reserved for and bought by your wife. It cannot be invested in something as dumb as reading a book!
Your laptop that used to be the apple of your eye can now only be used for 2 things. One, to check and reply emails to, well if it’s an important mail, say a job mail, she needs to see too; why, you ask, then refer to point 1. Two, to watch movies in the room when she is not sleepy! It does not matter that you are sleepy; she needs company, a warm cuddly teddy bear that she can place her head on, cry and sniffle on, hug when she is scared and even kick when she is angry. That’s the primary reason the movie was to be watched inside the room!
Your Mom was kind enough to let go of the duty of not cooking once in a way when you said, rather announced that you would not take lunch from home the next day but have it at work. Your looks at you with suspicion, as though you have committed the biggest crime of your life by announcing that! She would want to know the minutest detail of why you don’t want to take it. I wonder if all wives sometimes start to think that we have a second woman in our life that we are planning to have lunch with!
You are no longer allowed to take any decisions alone! Of all the decisions that you are allowed to take, 99.99% of them need to be discussed with your wife. The only decision you are allowed to take alone is when you need to visit the loo!
You learn how to keep the other person amused. So it if you find someone coming over and telling you that you look extra cheerful, give credit to yourself, you are learning fast! By the way, this skill is expected to be kept in use all through your life. Your wife really expects you to keep her amused, sometimes with antics like a monkey or a joker!
Planning and execution are keys to any successful project. Well, you have heard this a thousand times and probably even practiced it a thousand times when you were at work or when you were at home before being married. Now it is all about executing without the plan! Out of the blues your wife would announce I am bored and demand a ride in the city. What she actually means is “Boy, I am really mind fucked right now and need to get out of here, take me to the best place in the city but make sure you cut out the traffic and all that noise!” And what would you do? Read on!
It teaches you to be a better chauffer! You are suddenly the personal chauffer to the woman you love the most apart from your mother! You are suddenly awesome when it comes to navigating the roads, something that as a pre marriage guy you sucked big time at!
It teaches you to exercise, no matter what kind of tantrums you throw, it will not work. Those countless attempts that you made and got away with when you avoided going shopping with your Mom will just not work here! She says you need to exercise. What she means is, “Do you know how much a Coolie would cost to lug all those bags around? You anyways have no better job being home, get out there and carry those heavy bags for me!”
Marriage teaches you to save. By save I don’t mean saving money, that’s what your wife would do all the time, that’s if you have someone like mine. By save I meant saving up on your stock of lies and your skin! Every married man out there knows it is a matter of survival that has to be executed perfectly! After all, you don’t want to come back home and see angry faces of both your Mom and your Wife.
The best and the most important, you learn to “Love” and to “Care”. You learn to love the fact that someone cares so much for you. You learn to love the fact that someone back home waits so patiently for you to get home so that she can be her true self. You learn to love the fact that although you are just a phone call away, she cares not to disturb you at work! You learn to love the fact that both of you care so much for each other and are truly in love with each other.

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10 Things you lose out on being Married!

2009-11-14T22:07:31-08:00

This happens to be my last post, last post as a “Bachelor”! Yes, the cat has finally been belled and will be tied to the door this Thursday! Well, i don’t think that sounds too good but then it’s ok, she can understand.

I am back with my 10 things that I think I may lose out to when i am no longer a Bachelor. Well, different people have different notions and different perceptions, these happen to be mine and are not meant to contest or hurt anyone. J

Your life suddenly comes to a standstill, you no longer are allowed long evenings out with “The Boys”. Why? Because the women in your house, AKA Mom and Wifey suddenly lay down the rules that the gates to the house close at 7. It does not matter how much fun you are having, we are here to kill that!
You suddenly find yourself cornered. The Wife (hereafter referred to as “The Boss”) and The Mom (Here after referred to as “The Super Boss”) decide that you cannot squander your wealth on your bike; there are better things that you must spend your money on or save for.
You suddenly find that all your credit cards are missing from your wallet. The Boss has taken control of your purse string and your expenses have shot up. But these expenses are not on yourself but by “The Boss” on “The Boss” for supposedly you!
Your online account password is suddenly different and you don’t know what it is any longer! The Boss and The Super Boss had collectively decided that you need to save more. Best way, give no access to the account. When you don’t know what the balance is, how will you spend?
Your hairstyle miraculously changes. You can no longer afford to be the handsome hunk or the Casanova that you were earlier. You hairstyle is changed and you now have oiled hair so that you now look like a “Champu”. And why? So that not one girl may look at you or appreciate your looks. Better each time you look at a girl, she should look and snarl at you like a Rabid Dog so that you are scared.
There is a suddenly a new rule that anything and everything that you buy has to be bought for less. Why so that you spend less and save more. As a result The Boss and The Super Boss decide you would go to work in your Shorts. But those shorts would be so long that they reach your ankles! L
You can no longer laugh carefree. You now have to keep up appearances and look at your best. So what if that means that you only smile at a joke and not laugh at it!
The Boss decides that all your holidays are her property; it is solely her decision where you would go and where you wouldn’t.
There is a restriction to almost everything! Bachat!!! Savings! You would spend lesser time on the computer. That means that all “10 Things” posts now will continue to have a title with “10 Things” but will have 9 things only in it!
You can suddenly not farce and get away easily with it! You are now supposed to come clear with everything. As clear as water!

So long friends! Say buh bye to the Nirav you knew! The next time you read a blog post from me, remember, it is no longer that Bachelor Nirav that used to Blog. It is now the married Nirav. J

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September 25, 2009 -- 10 Reasons to feel Jittery about your Wedding (7)
July 13, 2009 -- Boss On Leave (9)
June 15, 2009 -- 10 things never to take for granted (2)
June 11, 2009 -- Engagement ke Side Effects (16)
January 27, 2009 -- 10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab (12)
October 24, 2008 -- The Facebook Skit (0)
October 24, 2008 -- 12 Days of Christmas (2)
October 23, 2008 -- Single Girls (1)

10 Reasons to feel Jittery about your Wedding

2009-09-25T02:38:59-07:00

As my D-Day nears, my jitteriness is rising by leaps and bounds. Unfortunately it feels like the butterflies in my stomach are so bloody horny that they are making babies in multiples every minute. I somehow fail to understand why this jitteriness fails to go away even though I have taken all precautions! Now I feel the only way out is to let not only the cat out of the bag but the horny butterflies out of my stomach too. This should make me a little less jittery hopefully for a while now.

Your Boss could downplay on you and deliver an under the belt hit. He may ask you to work on weekends that number up more than the number of paid leaves you are taking! If you are trying to imagine, don’t go too far, the Boss can well put poor Amjad Khan’s Gabbar to shame! “Kitne Leaves hain?” “Sarkaar 5 din” “5 din aur weekends sirf 3? Aakh thu!”
Your team mates may trump you by announcing that they are formally engaged and set to get married. They then come by and give you the card telling you they beat you in the race of getting married first! It actually never mattered that you had seniority by getting engaged first! The kiddos come up with this actually, “Nilav Bhaiyya main jeet gaya!!! Meli shaadi pehle ho lahi hai! J”
You start to get worried that there are so many things unfinished and unplanned yet. You actually realize you are even more DUD than you initially thought yourself to be. You know what; Murphy would have been ashamed of himself for setting up inadequate laws! There were so many more laws he could have come up with after seeing the wedding preparations and days getting closer!
You start losing your creative abilities. Even the abuses that were creatively hurled at people suddenly start sounding like pounding hammers. Abuses that earlier used to vaguely sound like songs being sung, now sound like donkeys braying!
Your blog starts looking barren and old. People actually start wondering if you are alive at all. Your blog which was so much as your life earlier is suddenly receiving step motherly treatment. In fact Lalita Pawar would have treated the blog better!
Your Mom suddenly starts sounding like a different person. Any question is perennially answered with answers like “I don’t know” or “I am too busy to answer anything now” or “Are you even aware how much work is pending! Get up you slug and start slogging yourself out!”
Your computer starts to develop all sorts of troubles. It in facts starts looking at you in such a way that it feels like a crime to be sitting with it. It’s like as though I am going to make it feel unwanted post the marriage! “Mere pyaare, mer bhole computer, main tumhe utna hi chahunga shaadi ke baad bhi, bas pyaar thoda bat jaayega! Thoda tumhare liye, aur bahut zyaada uske liye!”
You suddenly realize you have JabWeMetOPhobia! That is you have watched Jab We Met so many times that you start thinking you are Shahid Kapur. The harsh reality strikes hard when you look at your paunch and think, abbey tu to itna sa nanha munha sa pet tha, saale Matka kab ban gaya!
Also suddenly that matka starts to jiggle and wiggle so much that you decide you are no more going to wear the shirts you just bought, and still you wear them because you spent on them or because your soon to be or by now, almost your wifey, just adores them on you!
You realize that what initially had started off as “10 things” has nothing more to fill and you start giving such weird answers at audits. When faced with questions like how do you know when the documents are complete you start answering with answers like “When there are no more points left to fill in you know that the document is complete!”

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November 15, 2009 -- 10 Things you lose out on being Married! (4)
June 15, 2009 -- 10 things never to take for granted (2)
June 11, 2009 -- Engagement ke Side Effects (16)
January 27, 2009 -- 10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab (12)

Gujarati Food and Fun Fest – Anero Anand Mela

2009-09-12T02:50:18-07:00

Bangalore is soon going to witness an unusual fest of sorts. A fest filled with loads of fun and importantly food. Authentic Gujarati Food, prepared by the masters themselves. Yes, the ladies who have made them at their best, always.

Anero Anand Mela is a fun filled fest with loads of food, games and lots to pass your time around on a lazy Sunday. With a nominal entry charge, you get to participate in a Lucky Draw. Prizes include Washing Machines, Wet Grinders, Cameras, TVs and a lot more!

Best of all, it is not just for the Gujaratis alone. It does not matter if you are a Kannadiga or a Punjabi, or a Tamilian or just about any one! If you are feeling lucky, your kids are feeling bored and if you are game to sample some great food, just get there. Well, just one more thing, if you like the idea, then why not pull your friends along? Any ways, there is more fun when there are more than one families, right?

When? Sunday, 13th September, 2009, 10.30 am. to 8.00 pm.

Where? Anero Anand Mela, Palace Grounds, Near Mekhri Circle, Gayatri Vihar, Bangalore – 560080.

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Pests at work!!!

2009-08-07T02:19:27-07:00

There are so many people at work who i know and refer to as PESTs! These PESTs come in variety of types and sizes! some tall, some short, some men, some women! These are the meanest people you would have to deal with! They get a sadistic pleasure in scaring you with a question when you are deeply engrossed doing something!

Try as much as you may, they defy all laws of nature and cling to you! And now that Section 377 has seen some new lease of life, some of these cling even more! Gaaaah!!!! I have one such pest at work and for Pete’s sake, he has developed a liking for me which I super hate!

by normaltusker | Create your own Cartoon at www.toondoo.com

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Boss On Leave

2009-07-13T03:14:10-07:00

Just tried my hand at some cartooning! This was the very first Cartoon strip that I have created. Let me know your comments and brickbats people!

by normaltusker | Create your own Cartoon at www.toondoo.com

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November 15, 2009 -- 10 Things you lose out on being Married! (4)
October 24, 2008 -- The Facebook Skit (0)
October 24, 2008 -- 12 Days of Christmas (2)
October 23, 2008 -- Single Girls (1)

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

2009-07-07T00:39:43-07:00

Just remembered the school times when we learnt poems. I still cannot forget those wonderful days that we had. Today while having a conversation with my cousin, i realised how very much I had lost touch with the literature I so much was in love with. Below is the poem that actually I wanted to read so badly while talking to him. It’s a poem that John Keats had written.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel’s granary is full,
And the harvest’s done.

I see a lily on thy brow,
With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful – a faery’s child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery’s song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna-dew,
And sure in language strange she said -
‘I love thee true’.

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep
And there I dreamed – Ah! woe betide! -
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried – ‘La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!’

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

And this is why I sojourn here
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

-John Keats, Weds 21 April 1819

More about the poem here, including the two varying versions that were ever written.

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November 10, 2008 -- Dosti (0)

Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!

2009-06-23T03:20:17-07:00

Love main saala kya kya nahin karna padta. There are times jab you are all out and knocked out after work and the meethi si aawaaz at the other end of the phone, slightly flattering you, slightly doing some maska on you and with loads of pouted lips tells you something. Kya karoge? You can do absolutely nothing. You know you are a toy in her hand, yet you gracefully accept your death. Just because saala Love ke liye kuch bhi karega! Then comes that phase when you decide I am going to rebel, saala bahut sun liya! I am going to tell her I am not going to help you. You just open your mouth to say that and you hear her mildly sobbing! You let go. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi Karega!

Now those of you wondering what all is possible, after all, ek ladki kya maang sakti hai, check it out for yourself!

You are in the middle of Bermuda Triangle and you receive a call from your would be or already significant other. She says, “Suno, its X’s anniversary tomorrow. What should I gift her?” You reply, “Anything sweetie.” Pat comes the reply, “No but I want you to suggest.” You tell her that you will think over and let her know in a while. Poor you, you google it, tweet it get the details and then get back to her. “Jaan what do you think about this as a gift?” And all the reply that you get is, “But I already bought something else for her. I just wanted to know what you think we could gift her!” There go your precious hours of research into the drain. You can’t even regret it. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
A hectic week and to top that you are stuck with a set of effing Baboons everywhere, just about everywhere. Out comes the thunder from the blues. “Suno, it is Y’s birthday the next week. P is planning to do something different for her this time. She has asked all of us to record a minute long video to wish X.” The so very sweet and gullible you say “Good. So how did it go?” She, “The video came out ok, but you know all of them told me and even I was thinking…” You, like the fish that is almost caught in the net have your heart pounding, waiting for her to complete, listen “… that why don’t you also record a video wishing her?” you tell her that it is not possible and would try and all that stuff. You put it off for a few days, but then come that final ultimatum one fine night when you are talking. “Don’t you love me?” “I love you dear” “Then why can’t you do this for me?” Bakra kat gaya! The very next morning you record the video and send it to her. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
It’s just a normal day and you are trying to be all nice and romantic with her. Suddenly she says “I am thinking of the different innovative ideas we can use on Z’s birthday. We all are planning to make a book of nice things about her. Q has already written 3 pages already for her.” You have no idea where this is going, but you listen. Then comes the Bhramastra, catching you totally unaware, “Do you love me?” “Yes, very much” “Can you not do me a favor?” “Of course dear, after all your wish is my command” “Then you know na how bad I am at writing creatively, write something for her on my behalf na?” “Ok, I will write a few lines and message it to you.” “Not a few lines, I want at least 3 pages, after all I have to write as much as Q!” Then she tells you for 3 continuous nights about Z and you talk nothing else but that. Finally you send her 6 pages of a well drafted piece of writing! Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
Your well drafted piece of writing reaches her alright. She sees your handwriting and says, “Jaan you have such terrible handwriting, how am I ever going to comprehend what you have written.” You sit up with her all through while she is writing to tell her what you have written. Something you never did even with your best friend when you wrote assignments during college! Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
It’s her birthday. You have already thought up everything that you could possibly gift her. You have even indirectly asked her for over 15 days what gift she wants. You at times feel like you are getting hit continuously under the belt. Still you stick on. Finally you wait for the D-Day and send her a gift after you know what everyone has gifted. You lie to her that the courier got returned. She scolds you for overspending and asks you to keep the gift with you till you meet her next. But you still send. That too after paying double for the shipping charges. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
For her birthday, you spend hours at a stretch to buy a sweet card for her. You put your best talent at work and write 4 lines of best poetry, shout at your brother for not couriering it at time. She receives it and says, “The card was nice” You inquire if she read the words in it. She says, “No, it was too much and you know na I don’t like to read so much. More over, why did you even buy the card?” and there goes the card into the drawer, probably never to see the light of the day. You still think and plan how you are going to make her feel good next time round. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
She suddenly plans to go out for a movie with a bunch of friends. It’s around 4 in the evening and you are feeling super frustrated after slogging your butts off at work. There comes a call, you see it is her, you are eager to talk and with all your love in your voice you tell “Hello” and she says, “Listen I am with my friends and I want you to talk to them, I have come out for a movie with A, B, C, D, E and F, I will just give the phone to A” you protest telling you don’t even know them. But all is futile; the phone is already in A, B, C, D, E, or F’s hand. You are left with no option but to speak to them. Finally she comes back on call and says “Why did you speak so less?” You have no answer, but still manage to stay calm and put. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
You go out shopping with her. Much to your amusement, she says that she is not going to buy anything. Gullible, you fall for it. By the time you are back home, your pocket seems light, very light. No very very light. Your protests against buying those extra pair of slippers, that new pair of jeans, that Kurti that she bought all goes futile. You relent on the only condition that you are not going to carry it all alone. She agrees. She picks up the heaviest bag and you can’t see that and take all the bags from her, become her coolie. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
You love that stubble of yours. Your friends tell you that you look awesome with it. You have worked hard maintaining it for years now. Shaving sparingly. Suddenly she comes in your life and tells you to get rid of the chidiya ka ghosla from your face, you protest. Out come the tears. Out comes the shaving blade. You are now clean shaven much against your wishes. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
Lastly, you see a nice group of girls discussing girly stuff. You, with their permission of course, start following their conversations. They give you tips and tricks on how to make her happy. You try them. Out comes the question, “I thought you never had any girlfriends. How are you then giving me all that I want but never told you? What are you doing behind my back? I think you are spending too much time online. Once I am there, I don’t want you to spend any time online!” You, like the most obedient kid around the house nod your head and agree. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!

Well, if you have even been through any one of this, then my friend, you need to worry and act fast. You have just been bitten by the Love bug and it is going to knock you out cold anytime soon. Well, if there is no go, then you can stop worrying. Actually there is no use worrying. Just start training yourself to be the obedient one!

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10 things never to take for granted

2009-06-15T02:22:31-07:00

When you are so used to writing in a particular style all through your blogging career, it becomes difficult to suddenly shift gears and adopt a new style. But what if that other style of yours happens to be an alter ego; somebody who is so very deeply infused in you that you stop taking notice of him? When someone appreciates your alter ego, you suddenly show ignorance whilst others take it that you are feigning ignorance. This is what happened to me the other day! Whilst I always spoke sarcastically, sometimes inducing humor, sometimes inducing contempt, I never knew that it was such a strong part of me that people actually appreciated it.

The 10 Things category that I came up with received decent to very good responses. These were things that I always thought existed. Something that I thought nobody ever needed to be told. But then it turns out that some things must never be taken for granted.

Never take for granted that you would be allowed to get away with an excuse like I am sleepy when your fiancé is demanding answers from you! It is sooner or later going to catch up on you! Worse, it would come back so hard at you that you would be left with a swollen jaw and ice pack on your head!
Moms are no less. Each time you take them for granted about any matter, whether it is getting grocery or it is about booking her tickets for her so called planned trip, you are bound to be opposed with one single united force! Maa ke aansu! Mom’s tears! The tear jerker is going to be so bad that you would give up all your resistance just to not see swollen red eyes the next morning.
Brothers can be one hell too! Never take for granted that you using weird short nicknames to hint to your fiancé that he is around will go unnoticed! It is definitely going to be escalated to the highest level of authority, AKA Mom! The next morning is going to be difficult after that to handle!
Dad. The lesser told the better! You can take him for a big ride once you are out of your studies life. It is absolutely not going to matter! But whilst you are still studying never take for granted that he does not know what you are doing. So what if you are a guy! Dad is still going to be so very updated on your studies, crushes and all school/college lafdas even if you don’t breathe about it to him! Uske baad jo hota hai, Bhagwaan bhi nahin bacha sakta!
Fiancé again. All her questions about how many girl friends you have had in the past or don’t you have any beautiful girls in your office are trick questions! Stay clear. As clear as you would be of a charging bull. Any attempt to take the bull by the horns is going to cost you dear! “Sheesh! How very obscene of you to check out girls when you are committed to me!”
Sisters. Another set of Moms revisited! Tear jerker power here apparently gets so powerful that nothing is going to help. If at all anything can help then it is that big hole in your pocket that they are trying to make. Right from Raksha Bandhan to Shaadi ke din! Sisters are there to only lootofy you! It does not matter which way she is your sister. What I mean is whether she is your Saali Sahiba or actually a Sister. That hole in your pocket is pakka!
Kaam waali bai! Never take her for granted! The day you are most banking on her and most hoping that she turns up to save your naak in front of the guests she is going to stand up on you! At first you would have no idea until mid day. Later when you call up to enquire, you are faced with the ever green excuse that she has a painful back!
Friends! Never take them for granted! They are your life support. Your only, truly and most trustworthy people. Who else would tell your wifey that you were with them when you actually partied the night away alone! But please! Stay clear of those overly helpful friends who can claim that you are still with them when your wifey is calling them up standing next to you!
Technology! Google! Please please never take them for granted! You never know you could have some prospective brother in law and sister in law reading all about you before they meet you! Baap re baap! The kind of questions that you may have to field for after that would be enormously heavy! Even Atlas may for once be relieved that his weight of carrying the earth on his shoulders is actually light!
Mobile phone. My piece of advice buddy. When you are tweeting the time away on twitter, nothing can get more handy than the mobile. After all you can click pics, upload them, tweet and even play games. But what about that time when are travelling by the train and are out of battery. Yes the railway compartments these days do have chargers but then… well begging does not help! Those two idiots who want to listen to songs and transfer them are not going to give up the charging port for you!

See, so many things that could not be taken for granted! I wish someone had not taken me for granted and told this before! At least you and I would have been saved of the trouble. Like I am now taking for granted that you would like this post, refer it to your friends, ask them to comment, you would comment etc. I can take you for granted, right?

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November 15, 2009 -- 10 Things you lose out on being Married! (4)
September 25, 2009 -- 10 Reasons to feel Jittery about your Wedding (7)
June 11, 2009 -- Engagement ke Side Effects (16)
January 27, 2009 -- 10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab (12)

Engagement ke Side Effects

2009-06-11T02:31:55-07:00

While life in general takes a nice sweet turn after getting engaged, it also leaves you feeling dazed and confused. Being a blogger/writer/poet with your fiancé knowing that well has its own set of pros and cons. People who know both your situations, the engagement and writer wala funda, generally tend to try to make full use of you.

I have been trying to handle all this and more since quite a few days. Read on what is the stuff that suddenly seems to start happening in your life.

Every Aunty walking on the road suddenly recognizes that you are no longer single and available. People have new found respect for you. More so they have new found inquisitiveness and curiosity about you.
You are suddenly surrounded by so many relatives, mostly women, that you don’t feel like counting them. Of these, the real relatives are generally handful. The rest just make themselves your relatives. You like it or hate it, it don’t matter!
Each of the relative suddenly starts to enjoy pulling your leg. If they could actually pull your leg, you would have by now become physiologically 10 times your current height!
Everyone suddenly starts to advise you about the golden rules of courting and wooing. It is suddenly their prerogative to advise you of the so called “Golden Period!”
Right from the Peon in the office (well if you have one) to your youngest relative (it does not matter if she is only 7) wants to know how you are spending time together. This despite knowing the fact that the two of us are so closely housed that a stone thrown to her house would take nearly a year to reach and also require multiple people throwing it!
Added to 5, suddenly people start to look at you when your phone rings, as though they already knew it was your fiancé calling! And if it turns out not, then the expression on their face is a million dollar one!
Each Aunty you know suddenly wants to know how much you are spending on the phone bills. They ask it like they would offer to pay it for you, you just need to reach out and ask them!
Added to 7, even if by chance you tell them of a flat rate plan, they have only a dirty look to give! A look that can even put Lalita Pawar and Shashikala to shame. It is downright cheap to have a flat rate plan and uber cool to incur unearthly telephone bill expenses!
Every Aunty in the block wants to turn your sweet, on screen Nirupa Roy like mom into a menacing Lalita Pawar ka cheap version! They are really not happy with the K-Serials that they watch on TV that they now feel the want of a Reality TV version!
Aunties on the block suddenly start accounting for how many hours you stood outside the house after parking the bike talking to your currently a lot sweet, little bitter soon to be better half! This information is then extrapolated to arrive at conclusions like what gift I could have or can possibly sent/send on her special occasion! The more hours that you talk, the costlier the gift!

Well, it is true that at the touch of love everyone turns into a poet, but the fact is that engagement does turn every Aunty on the block into a detective!

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November 15, 2009 -- 10 Things you lose out on being Married! (4)
September 25, 2009 -- 10 Reasons to feel Jittery about your Wedding (7)
June 15, 2009 -- 10 things never to take for granted (2)
January 27, 2009 -- 10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab (12)

Bichade Doston Ki Yaad!

2009-06-03T02:30:30-07:00

Waqt ke is choori numa tez dhaar pe
Nikale the hum liye taqdeer hath pe
Aaj is qadar badal gaye hain hum
Na khabar hai kisi ki khushi ka na ghum!

Bhool gaye hain hum aaj apne doston ko
Yaad rakkha nhain un waadon ko
Kuch pardes chale gaye
Kuch humse yun hi bichad gaye!

Yaad karen bhi to hum aaj unko
Bhala awaaz bhi na sunayi degi unko
Kaisi ye dooriyaan aaj aa gayi
Kaali ghatayein jaise chaa gayi!

Aaj phir unhi doston ko humne pukaara
Maanga unse unke saath ka sahaara
Umeed to yahi hai dil na todenge
Haath badha ke dil se dil ko jodenge!

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Yadein aur Tamannaein!

2009-05-27T22:06:52-07:00

dil mein aaj kuch aisa samaya
yaad koi humein woh khaas insaan aaya
zindagi yeh haseen hai pal, do pal
tamanna hai bahon main unke guzre hamari saans, kal aaj aur kal!

दिल मैन आज कुच ऐसा समाया,
याद कोइ हमैन वोह खास इन्सान आया!
जिन्दगि यह हसीन है पल, दो पल,
तमन्ना है बाहोन मैन उन्के गुजरे हमरी सान्स, कल आज और कल!

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Of Cold Wars and Best Friends

2009-05-25T04:12:28-07:00

It’s seems so easy when some people decide to start having a cold war among themselves. What does it look like they have to do… just keep their mouths that were at normal times filled with gibberish shut for some time. Ok some days at max. But when stuff like this starts to come by your closest aides, you rea1ise how very difficult it is. How very itchy you feel to talk to that person.
Two friends of mine have been having a cold war going on since the weekend now. While the matter the fight started was really trivial, the two seem to have somehow blown it out of proportions! Some how people decide to go back to being kids and not talk to each other for ages. These two were the best and closest pals! Much better than them being friends with me. Neither could actually spend a day without talking to the other. Suddenly, all that seemed so great has fallen apart. Suddenly, it feels like the world has come to an end. The two are finding it difficult to even meet each other eye to eye!
This has me seriously concerned, wondering when this will end. I wonder what’s in store next!

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10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab

2009-01-26T22:51:11-08:00

It has been a little over 3 weeks since I started taking the office cab to work. All thanks to my collar bone fracture I had blogged a few days back about.

Now, just like any office cab/shuttle, mine also has an assortment of people contained by a majority of guys but actually ruled by the minority called girls. Although it’s not as per Madam Mamta Banerjee’s taste of 33% reservation for women, it still has a good reservation of 28% women! That makes it 2 women and 5 men in the same cab. Things go awesome for the two women (I would prefer to refer to them as girls just because I would love to call the boys as boys!) because we boys are sacrificing enough to give them maximum seating space even if it means crouching into the foetal position in the corner of the cab.

Being an accident victim I have been given the privilege of being seated in the front seat with the driver for maximum comfort. However, it has its own advantages and disadvantages! Over the past few days I have been experiencing them a little at a time!

Never try your antics to look at the beautiful girl seated diagonally behind you in the driver’s mirror on your left! 9 out of 10 times you will find out that she noticed you checking her out!
Never talk too much thinking you would impress those girls! Girls are like fishes! Try to impress them too much and they will scamper miles away from you! More over you will be considered a show off!
Never talk too less! You are bound to be considered a snob! The girls will still stay miles away from you. A very thin line exists between a snob and a show off, pulling off the perfect balance is difficult and an art!
Never ever try to eaves drop the conversation that the girls are having. You will end up dazed, shaken and all nutty trying to figure out what they talk! They may continue talking about you and you may never know! They have such coded languages.
Don’t try to discuss music or movies with the girls. They never like your choice any way. Or rather let me put it this way – they never like you so your choice does not matter any way!
A girl may continue to talk on the phone until her wit’s end and still not be spoken about. But if you as a guy do that, the first thing to be analyzed is your brash language! Next, the junior you so very dominated in school would have her revenge and would take pot shots at you for your accented regional dialect! As though she never knew you were not allowed to talk in regional languages back in school!
Never discuss your school life or current school events with your junior. The girl you have so far been trying to impress would suggest you to take it offline there by showing her dislike to that subject!
Your blog is your blog! For nuts don’t discuss what all you put on it! She is not going to let it into her head by any chance!
On your way back home, it is obligatory for you to go straight back home from work. Don’t ever let the girl catch you some place otherwise! Your reputation is going to be tarnished!
To add to 9, even if you are caught, don’t let her catch you tweeting with your broken hand and licking a cold orange candy with the other! If you are caught, you better have a strong reason to be doing so! Sorry offering a bite out of the candy does not help!

Now you see how better off we guys are driving/riding to work everyday? You hum songs to yourself, nobody would notice you. You try pulling off stunts and nobody would tell a thing to you! As an added plus, you can even appreciate the awesome moustache that the cop on your road has hoping to get a snap clicked with him someday and nobody would brand you crazy!

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January 11, 2009 -- What I learnt from my clavicle/collar bone fracture (3)
November 15, 2009 -- 10 Things you lose out on being Married! (4)
September 25, 2009 -- 10 Reasons to feel Jittery about your Wedding (7)
June 15, 2009 -- 10 things never to take for granted (2)
June 11, 2009 -- Engagement ke Side Effects (16)

What I learnt from my clavicle/collar bone fracture

2009-01-10T22:30:32-08:00

The last 3 weeks have been a nightmare to me. The week of December 14^th, 2008 that had started on such a high note with parties, weddings and wedding receptions to attend suddenly came crashing down on me on the 18^th of December. After having a great party at work while getting out to get back home in the evening, I got thrown off my two wheeler. I landed on my head and the helmet impact ended up breaking my collar bone.

That was it. I had to learn living life in an entirely new way. After having spent a lot over 25 and a little under 26 years with a fully functional right hand, I was suddenly forced to use just my left hand. The hand that lay neglected and not as strong as my right hand. Suddenly I was forced to comb my hair with just my left hand, type with just my left hand, brush, shave etc. with just my left hand. In fact an even worse ordeal was being forced to have a sponge bath and not a proper bath.

This is what I learnt in the three weeks since the accident.

1. It is super difficult to comb your hair with your left hand if you have never earlier done it. You hair will simply refuse to set into the hairstyle you have sported all these years.

2. People who offer to help you comb your hair will suddenly appear from all the directions to help you. Their sole primary reason to help you is to try new hairstyles on you that you never agreed to or let them try on you. These people can be anyone from your family and specifically your mom and siblings.

3. Brushing your teeth will suddenly acquire a new meaning. You would now be fighting with the brush, tooth and nail to get it right. Your teeth will seem to be totally out of shape and your nails would start digging into your skin all around the lips and mouth region.

4. Cleaning your tongue is going to be equally difficult almost choking you half to death each time you attempt it.

5. You would never be able to successfully wash your face with one hand. The water simply refuses to stay in the cavity of your left hand. The same applies when you try to gargle.

6. Wearing trousers can be a super fight. You never know whether you must push your left leg first or the right leg first. Most of the time you end up almost on the floor had you not decided to support yourself against the wall of the room/bathroom.

7. Buttoning the trousers is even difficult if your trousers are at least 2 years old and you used to force yourself into them. People suddenly start realizing that you have grown large by a few inches and start suggesting you to do something about your weight.

8. For the first two weeks you don’t know whether the shirt is getting on you or you are getting into the shirt. It is equally difficult keeping your hand comfortably within the confines of your shirt. It somehow seems to be tight enough to strangulate you and your blood vessels.

9. The towel somehow tied across your waist which was your faithful companion when it came to keeping you covered suddenly discovers it has a mind of its own and must not stay put. It decides to start getting loose and slipping down at the most compromising and embarrassing situations.

10. People start giving you all kinds of suggestions for home remedy medicines ranging from bone soups to bloods of pigeons. It does not matter to them if you would even faint at the very sound of it.

11. You are not allowed anywhere near your two wheeler if you have a younger sibling. He suddenly finds the courage to ask you to back off!

12. You suddenly find yourself leaving the dining table last. You can for nuts not eat with your left hand and the plate offers no help either. It just decides that its job is to rotate uncontrolled and not allow you to eat. You decide to eat lesser at lunch and end up gobbling more in-betweens! That starts off the story of how much would you eat and can’t you eat full at the table! Duh!

13. You are forced to type with just your left hand leaving you with pains between your thumb and index fingers due to all that stretching and contracting. The mouse is no help either because you have never used it with your left hand. Swapping the button only results in howls from friends when they come down to help you in tight situations!

By the way today is somewhere midway through the fourth week and I am back after a visit to the doctor yesterday. Finally I have been given the permission to eat with my right hand type with both my hands. It now feels so very comfortable. Hopefully I should be back to biking by sometime around mid to end of February. That would mean freedom to me. And it also means I can start bullying my brother back!

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January 27, 2009 -- 10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab (12)

Repercussions of a lazy body and an active mind!

2008-12-03T22:50:29-08:00

I started going out for a jog since yesterday. A lot of my friends had been advising me since long that I needed to shed the weight that I had put on really badly! After taking into concern these weighty issues, I finally relented. And guess to whom I relented. None other than my mom!

Now that I have started, I guess there is not much I can do to wriggle out of this situation. Mom is really adamant and upset at me this time round. In fact I was to start going out for this jog since Tuesday itself. Somehow I managed to save my lazy self from the torture that day; but at what cost? Mom did not talk to me that whole day! Women and their black mailing power! There is no way you can save yourself from them.

These two days, that is yesterday and today that I went out for a jog have weighed themselves very heavy on me! My body aches and cranks like a car right out of the 1950’s! I have literally been dragging my feet to every place I go. The effect has been so profound that I have suddenly lost the appetite to crank up the accelerator on my bike too! I now drive like an uncleji from 80’s would drive his faithful Bajaj. It’s a different matter of fact that I own a Bajaj bike too! Now all that is missing is a retro helmet. Looks like it is time again to pull out my Radio City retro helmet that I had won a few years back! Duh! I so very hated it!

Friends are just round the corner! Time to go for lunch. Catch you all laterz!

I will try and post a pic of me if ever I do reduce my body weight!

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The Night

2008-11-23T22:31:32-08:00

Kaboom! Bang! Crash!

I was lying on the road! People started to crowd around me. My eyes were getting heavy, I closed them. That’s all I remember of the incident. Next when I opened my eyes, I was in an unknown place. There were no people crowding over to see me, no commotion and no noise. There was an eerie silence all around me. I thought I was dead! Shit! How could I be dead so soon?? God! You can’t be so very harsh on me!

This place that I was at, it looked like heaven. This was a posh place. I could bet all my money, that’s if I had any in heaven that this place had to be heaven. It had everything that one could think of. The place or room, whatever you may call it, had all the modern amenities. Heaven looks far more advanced and posh to me. There was a deck of CDs lying in front of me, or rather, to my right. They were amongst the finest collections that I had seen in times. I was on a bed and it felt too comfortable to be true. There were two bed lamps on the either side of my bed. A book shelf adorned one corner of the room. I could not make out what books they were. A study table lay next to it, a table lamp still glowing. The chair was drawn back. It looked like someone had just got up from there. The other corner had a large window. It was heavily curtained. Moonlight peered in, softly illuminating the bedpost at a corner. Light breeze blew in from there chilling the place. There was no one in sight until now.

There was a searing pain in my right hand; I tried lifting it but found it heavy. It was then that I realized that there was a plaster on my hand. Wait a minute… did I say a plaster? Holy Gods! I was not dead! The dead don’t have plasters on them! Well they may have one in their grave, but in heaven? That was out of question.

I felt the sudden urge to get myself up in a seated position. I turned around and tried getting up. That was when I heard her for the first time. “Please stay lay down; at least for a while.” I looked around to see where the voice was coming from. It was a sweet voice and it fell like manna to my ears. The only source of light in the room was that of the table lamp that lit place faintly. The moon looked at its prime, but then there were curtains that let in very little light. I could see some one moving in faint shadows.

From what I could make out of the shadows, she was in a pair of pajamas. The room suddenly filling up with a sweet smell of flowers as she drew closer to me. I turned around and flicked on the bed lamp. The room was filled with more light. She stepped out of the shadows into the light, her face still shrouded with darkness. She wore a pair of red satin pajamas, small flowers scattered in print all over it.

“My back is sore from lying down for long. I need to be seated.” She was much closer to me now. I could see her slender hands extend towards me as a gesture of help. I declined the offer and got into the seated position. She drew the only chair that was in the room closer to the bed and sat down. I could see her clearly now.

She had a flawless skin and was dusky. Even in the limited light, her dusky self reflected enough light to put a mirror to shame. Her features were very well done up. It looked like as though she was the creation of an artist’s art. Her lips wore a bright red color. I am not sure if they were painted red by a lipstick or were a natural. Her eyes looked like two small gleaming candles. A straight nose and equally straight hair. In short, she was very beautiful, a feast to the eyes.

While I was admiring her beauty, somehow a puzzled look crept into my eyes. I am not sure if it was so very visible, but she immediately sensed my confusion. “I was the one who banged into your bike this evening. I was at a very high speed and the collision sent you flying over the head. You fell unconscious there. I could not leave you there for the dead and run because I am a doctor myself.”

It all started coming back to me. I had had a wonderful day at work today. I had just been promoted. I had had a great appraisal. My life that day looked perfect to me. I had been humming my favorite songs while I was riding back home. I had stopped at a junction for the signal to clear. The road behind me and ahead of me had been clear. I could have gone ahead, but… anyways.

I tried to open my mouth to ask her something, words failed me and my throat was dry. I squeaked. “Water.”

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Uh…. Hi there!

2008-11-23T22:28:03-08:00

To all my visitors on the blog,

if you like what you see here, then what’s wrong in subscribing to my RSS feeds? Who knows, you may find something more interesting in the coming weeks?

I have a series planned and the first episode would be out today. Nothing can be worse than missing a link in a series, can it? Subscribing to the RSS feeds is really simple and requires no effort at all. You may notice at the end of this post that a link exists to subscribe to my blog’s feed. It’s just a matter of a click. Similarly every post has a link like this.

Another value add that you can get in case you would not like to read the whole post would be to stay updated with the feed and visit back to listen to the post. I like you my dear readers and so I would like to ensure your comfort to the maximum.

To those readers of mine who are already subscribed to my feeds via either the mail or RSS, a big hug and an equally big thank you.

To others, if you find it difficult how to subscribe to my RSS feeds, click here for the link.

Alternately you can also copy paste this link in your browser or your favorite feed reader. Nothing like a homely feeling, right?

http://feeds.feedburner.com/DkingUnleashed

Hope you like my blog and continue to patronize and suggest to your friends too. In case you like my blog and would like to send me a comment directly, there is an SMS option too! On the Sidebar, you can see an option to send the comment to me as an SMS! feel free to try it out!

Thanks again.

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My Monitor and Me

2008-11-12T21:49:52-08:00

My Monitor at home and I share a strange relationship. for some reason it decided that it had not troubled me enough since long. This is what it looks like since Sunday evening. Hope to get it fixed and “Neutered” once and for all in a week or two.

My Monitor at Home

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Dosti

2008-11-09T21:19:59-08:00

kuch baatein ankahi si,
kuch anjaan lamhe,
thodi si masti, thodi si khusti,
Bas yahi to hai dosti!

कुछ बातें अनकही सी,
कुछ अंजान लम्हे,
थोड़ी सी मस्ती, थोड़ी सी खुसती,
बस यही तो है दोस्ती!

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July 7, 2009 -- La Belle Dame Sans Merci (2)

dKing Unleashed

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The Night

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Uh…. Hi there!

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