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MAD MEN - "The Crash" reconstructed

2013-05-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

*SPOILERS for MAD MEN thru Season 6 "The Crash"

After watching an episode of my favorite show, I’ll often read reviews online--and just as a woman can’t not remark on her husband’s secretary... I am compelled to say something about this deconstruction of Mad Men’s “The Crash.” Posted on The Hollywood Reporter, the analysis overlooks two major themes in its critique of Don’s inexplicable “love” for Sylvia.

First… if you haven't seen this episode or read the deconstruction, the following paragraphs will probably confuse you worse than “The Crash” confused the Twits... Anyway.

“I’ve got this great message,” Don says, “and it has to do with what holds people together. What is that thing that draws them? It’s a history. And it may not even be with that person…”

He says this because the oatmeal mother in the ad is inspired by Aimee, the prostitute who became Don’s surrogate mother (and first girlfriend). Don has focused on this ad because, in his mind, he has conflated Aimee and Sylvia. But it’s even bigger than that, bigger than just these two women. Bigger than Chevy.

Now, flashback to “The Doorway” at the beginning of this season, when Don describes love: “We want that electric jolt to the body,” he says. “We want Eros. It’s like a drug (hint, hint). It’s not domestic. What’s the difference between a husband knocking on a door and a sailor getting off a ship? About ten thousand volts.”

Don’s calling it love, but what he’s describing is much more chemical than that. It’s much more transitory (like a shot in the glutes). This is a feeling he’s become addicted to. He doesn’t understand what love truly is, how it abides, how it ages. He’s confusing love with… a chemical dependency. A dependency that, for Don, stretches back years. Decades.

From Aimee to Betty to Rachel and Midge, from Midge to Bobbie and Mrs. Farrell and Faye, and finally from Megan to Sylvia: any one of these women could be a stand-in for the whore mother feeding oatmeal to her son. Don has built up a history of loves, of dependencies. Henry Francis once said there are no fresh starts. Lives go on. So every time Don becomes addicted to a lady, he brings with him a whole sexual history. That’s the theme of his pitch he planned to give Sylvia: you’re every woman I’ve ever had this feeling for. It’s why he’s so attached to her. It’s not for love but the electric jolt, shocking his damaged heart back to life, if only for a while.

That’s what this deconstruction in the Reporter overlooks. It forgets that it’s bigger than Sylvia. Bigger than oatmeal even.

(It also would’ve been nice to see the article mention Kenny’s line about where he learned to tap dance: “My mother… No, my first girlfriend.” Because that, too, was really a line about Don.)

Our Psuedonym Needs Your Help

2013-05-19T01:45:00.002-07:00

Permuted Press owner Jacob Kier and I have launched a Kickstarter campaign for our first supernatural thriller, The Pen Name, written under the pseudonym David Jacob Knight.

With a small donation, you can pre-order various editions of the novel, or spring for awesome rewards like cheap ad space, or your choice of 24 Permuted Press books. As a backer, you'll get your name on a list at the end of the novel, letting everyone know you helped bring quality entertainment to the world.

Kickstarter is a great way to support projects you enjoy and creators you believe in. Come help us bring David Jacob Knight kicking and screaming into the world!

BOOK TRAILER

PAVLOV'S DOGS on sale this weekend!

2013-03-15T08:46:00.002-07:00

It has been adapted into a LEGO comic on Bricks of the Dead.

It has been hailed by critics and readers alike. (4.4 stars on Amazon!)

And now it's 99¢ on Kindle, Nook, and Kobo!!!

But only this weekend...

Do as Jonathan Maberry says and "grab this [book] with both hands!"

"The writing is fluid and vivid. As far as uniqueness, quality and entertainment PAVLOV'S DOGS lines up with EX-HEROES by Peter Clines."
--Bricks of the Dead

"A book which feels very much like it needs to be adapted into a movie, as it offers action, drama, scares, gore and a well-paced story which readers are going to love."
--Horrornews.net

Oh yeah, there's a trailer too:

The Next Big Thing

2012-12-05T13:11:00.000-08:00

Editor and author Brian Sammons tagged me to participate in an interesting blog hop called The Next Big Thing. So did C. Dulaney. It’s essentially an interview that gives writers a chance to talk about their current project and also an opportunity to promote fellow writers.

Before I get to my interview, I'd like to say a little about the writers I've chosen to tag.

Scott Baker
I met Scott at Crypticon 2012 in Seattle. I got to know him over some "sweetened Coke," provided by Maker's Mark fanatic Tony Faville. Scott has written the only other novel I know about that combines zombies and vampires, and he also helped sell my books at the convention when I wasn't at my table. He's beta-read one of my novels, and has helped me with technical questions quite a few times. Thank you, Scott. Looking forward to your interview!

Thom Brannan
I actually have never met Thom in person, but he and I have written nearly four books together. Thom has written I don't know how many books solo, but I know of at least six. He's a serious talent, and he writes so fast I sometimes refer to him as Barry Allen. Thank you, Thom, for your hard and excellent work on our series, and for your contributions to the genre.

Now on to the interview...

What is the working title of your next book?
It’s tentatively titled DOG YEARS. It’s a collection of novellas set in the PAVLOV’S DOGS universe, co-authored with Thom Brannan.

What genre does your book fall under?
Action horror in general. It also blends in sci-fi, and pits the zombie and werewolf subgenres against each other.

Where did the idea come from for the book?
When Thom and I wrote PAVLOV’S DOGS, we left certain narrative gaps. For example, we never fully describe where the zombies come from because we felt it had no bearing on the story. Zombie origins are now generally well known, so... we didn’t want to beat that particular dead horse if we could just show someone raising the club.

The author of THE WALKING DEAD comics has a similar philosophy: “I have ideas [about the cause of the zombie plague]...but it's nothing set in stone because I never plan on writing it.”

But PAVLOV’S DOGS does hint at the undead origins, and now in DOG YEARS we’re exploring where both the zombies and the werewolves came from. We also explore the backstory of their creator, Dr. Crispin.

So the idea for DOG YEARS came from narrative gaps left in the first book.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
I’ll leave this up to the readers. I try not to think in terms of who I would cast because, well… have you ever seen a movie before reading the book? Then you actually read the book and you can’t picture the characters as anything other than the actors who portrayed them? Robert Langdon is forever Tom Hanks. Stu Redman is forever Gary Sinise.

I like my image of the characters to remain pristine as I write them. I don’t want Daniel Radcliffe running around nude in my imagination.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
From breakouts in the monster lab to his role in the zombie apocalypse, follow Dr. Crispin and his team of werewolves through three eras of mad scientists, abominations, and a frightening new adversary.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
Permuted Press will publish the collection.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
We are still working on the last two novellas, but the first novella took us probably a month. Thom, for one, works incredibly fast. That’s a rare talent among writers.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
That’s a hard one. A reviewer compared PAVLOV’S DOGS to Peter Clines’ bestselling zombies vs. superhero novel, EX-HEROES. But DOG YEARS, specifically? It still revolves around a central versus concept, but it’s probably more comparable to THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Two things: our publisher’s idea to offer free content, and the fans of PAVLOV’S DOGS.

When the publisher suggested that we offer a free short story or novella in the same universe, we started thinking about stories we could tell. I looked at what the fans were asking for in their reviews, and that turned out to be more backstory.

So Thom and I thought, why give them backstory when we could give them a full-fledged story? Why give them just a novella when we could give them a collection?

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Well... we plan to offer it for free. And, as many of our fans like to say, it’s zombies versus werewolves. What else could you want?

Werewolves... made of Legos?!

2012-07-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

Fans are great. So is fan art. But collaborating with an artist who's also a fan? That has got to be the greatest.

When our zombie vs. werewolf novel, PAVLOV'S DOGS, first came out, Thom Brannan and I were very pleased with a review of the story over at Bricksofthedead.com. The reviewer, Evan Roy, favorably compared the book to one of Permuted Press's bestsellers, EX-Heroes by Peter Clines. He had some very nice things to say.

"PAVLOV'S DOGS is high quality entertainment well worth your dollar, and a needed break from the mundane."--Evan Roy

Bricksofthedead.com, for the uninitiated, mainly consists of zombie comics... in Lego form. Evan, our reviewer, has had much practice at building Lego dioramas. In fact, he has created several based on scenes from Permuted books. So imagine our surprise (and nerdy elation) when Evan offered to create a comic strip for the first chapter of our story.

Thom and I jumped all over this opportunity. We wrote the script, and Evan did a brilliant job fleshing it out... with Legos.

The strip will be eight episodes long, and there will be an associated giveaway for signed copies of the novel... and it's all starting today!

Read Episode 1...

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE – Roundtable 4

2012-05-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE edited by Kevin J. Anderson (Gallery Books)

The third book in the hilarious and horrifying national bestselling anthology series from the Horror Writers Association—a frightfest of sidesplitting stories from such New York Times bestselling authors as Jim Butcher, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Heather Graham, L.A. Banks, Kelley Armstrong, and many more!

Horror fiction explores the dark side of human nature, often pushing the limits of violence, graphic gore, and extreme emotions. Blood Lite III: Aftertaste puts the fun back into dark fiction, featuring a wide range of humorous and highly entertaining horror-filled tales.

After my interview with Kevin J. Anderson, the Blood Lite editor, I tapped a bunch of the authors to talk about why humor is so important in the horror genre, and what inspired their horrifically hilarious tales. This is part four of four.

What led you to write the story that appears in BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE?

Lisa Morton: It’s about animals taking over. My cats ordered me to write it.

JG Faherty: Other than the desire to be in a popular anthology that actually has a chance to earn royalties for its contributors? Probably a yen to try and write something that was funny. I don’t normally do straight-out comedy; I will sometimes work it into a story or novel, a funny line or scene here and there, but I’m not per say a ‘funny’ writer in the way Jeff Strand can be, for example. He can make you roll on the floor with laughter while dumping a bucket of guts on you. And it has nothing to do with sense of humor—lots of funny people can’t write funny stories. It’s all how you’re wired as a writer. For me, writing something humorous is much harder than writing something frightening or sad. I really had to work at my story for this collection (point of fact—I didn’t make it into the first two Blood Lite books, which tells you A) I had to learn to write funny and B) Kevin only chooses the very best for this series). As for how the story actually came about, I just always felt that if you mix horror and hillbillies together, you’re going to get something comical. Actually, mix hillbillies and anything together and the results are usually comical. Just watch any reality show that takes place in the South.

Mike Baron: I don’t know where “Mint In Box” came from. Somewhere in my skull.

Jeff Ryan: My Blood Lite: Overbite story went for the gross-out, so I tried to do something with a repellant character, instead of nice characters doing repellant things.

David Sakmyster: While out house-hunting and hating every second of the experience, deciding finally in the midst of being shown a house that all this wasn’t worth it and we were just going to stay put, I just started asking the real estate agent ridiculous questions, like: “In full disclosure, how many bodies are buried out back? And where are the secret trap doors? How big is the dungeon?” And that kind of led to this story…

John Alfred Taylor: I kept seeing awful prefab steeples tacked on churches everywhere, and wondered where they came from. Then I googled a few of the manufacturers. As soon as I imagined each steeple shipping with a resident demon I had my story. All I had to do was develop the workings of the company. Online catalogs helped. All the demons are traditional, named in one source or another. To the best of my knowledge Gorgo’s hairdresser is not listed in the yellow pages.

Adrian Ludens: I think most readers will recognize what inspired me. This is not so much a parody as it is an homage. At least that was my intention. I think an entire book would be fun to write (and read!) from a ‘Grown Up’ perspective and in this style.

It’s like that classic question: ‘Door number one, two or three?’ I’m the guy who wants to go back and find out what I missed; see what’s behind ALL the doors! For me this story was a fun romp through what would be a terrible, harrowing situation in real life.

Chris Abbey: That story would be longer than the story itself. I was originally going to do a zombie story, but I figured Kevin would be overrun with them. At the time, every time I turned on the news there was something about Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars. I kept joking about that to my wife, who suggested I write it down instead of annoying her. Add in the fact that I couldn’t think of anything to write about, but I kept having this Donny and Marie parody from an old Mad Magazine running through my head. Then Phyllis Diller from Mad Monster Party, and I knew I had to try being cartoonist Jack Davis for a while. What I didn’t count on is that I’d actually have to watch Dancing with the Stars, so I have suffered for my art.

On the technical side, it was strange because I didn’t write it in order. All the scenes were first, then it was, “Here’s your scene, what’s your joke?” The last line written was a) my favorite [Rehearse the krakken!] and b) near the middle. I ditched a scene with a siren as the musical guest that I just couldn’t make work.

I didn’t finish until right near the deadline, which once again proves that comedy is all about timi...

Christopher Golden: If I remember correctly, Kevin Anderson asked me to do something for the second volume, but I told him I wasn’t funny. My friend John McIlveen asked me to do something for a humorous horror anthology as well, and I said the same thing. When Kevin came back to me for Blood Lite 3, I insisted I wasn’t funny, but he was doing a story for my anthology THE MONSTER’S CORNER, and I felt like I had to give it a shot. I can tell a joke as well as the next guy (unless the next guy is Jeff Strand), but to WRITE something funny is entirely different. So I turned my doubts inward, and wrote a story about a guy who will do almost anything to be funny, but just isn’t. I won’t say more about it, but I smiled a lot while writing it, so hopefully that counts for something.

Jeff Strand: Self-plagiarism! One of my first novels, HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS (published shortly after the Y2K bug destroyed most of the earth) has a “Jack and the Beanstalk” spoof with a throwaway line about the ridiculous idea of grinding bones to make bread. A little over a decade later, I thought “What if somebody actually tried to do that?” and that led to “Scrumptious Bone Bread.”

Kelley Armstrong: It was sparked by the usual thing: just another "what if?" question. In my book series, I gave custody of two young adult werewolves to a secondary Pack member. In "V Plates," my Pack guy is persuaded to help the younger boy lose his virginity by taking him to a whorehouse. That's probably never a wise idea, but given the characters involved, this is guaranteed to go wrong. Horribly wrong.

Related Articles
- Kevin J. Anderson interview

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE AUTHORS

Lisa Morton has written six movies, four books of non-fiction, two novellas, one novel, and somewhere around fifty short stories. She’s a three-time Stoker Award winner, a recipient of the Black Quill Award, and her cats think she’s awesome. She lives online at www.lisamorton.com.

JG Faherty is an Active Member in the Horror Writers Association. His first novel, CARNIVAL OF FEAR, was published in 2010. His second book, GHOSTS OF CORONADO BAY, was released in 2011, and his third will be coming out in late 2011 as well. His other credits include Cemetery Dance, Shroud Magazine, and several major anthologies, among them Appalachian Winter Hauntings, Legends of the Mountain State 3 & 4, Bound for Evil, Dark Territories, Horror Library IV, and the upcoming Beast Within 2 and Best New Zombie Tales 3.

A freelance writer with over 15 years of experience, his varied background includes working as a laboratory manager, accident scene photographer, zoo keeper, research scientist, and resume writer. When it comes to humor, he enjoys teaching bad words to small children, watching Married with Children, wearing ugly Hawaiian shirts, and trading insults with his friends.

Mike Baron broke into comics with Nexus, his groundbreaking science fiction title co-created with illustrator Steve Rude. He has written for Creem, The Boston Globe, Isthmus, AARP Magazine, Oui, Madison, Fusion, Poudre Magazine, Argosy and many others. Nexus is currently being published in hardcover by Dark Horse. Baron has won two Eisners and an Inkpot for his work on Nexus, now being published in five languages including French, Italian, Portuguese, and Spanish. Baron’s revamp of DC’s The Flash continues to garner great reviews. Marvel recently published two collections of Baron’s Work, The Essential Punisher Vol. II and The Essential Punisher Vol. III.

A prolific creator, Baron is at least partly responsible for The Badger, Spyke, Feud, The Hook, and The Architect. The latter is available as a graphic novel from Big Head Press. www.bloodyredbaron.net

Photo by
Mikkel Paige

Jeff Ryan is the author of Super Mario: How Nintendo Conquered America. He first got interested in mixing comedy and horror when a clown murdered his dog.
twitter.com/#!/dailymario | supermariobook.com

David Sakmyster is an award-winning author and screenwriter whose short stories have appeared in The Writers of the Future Anthology, ChiZine, Horrorworld, Black Static, Talebones, Abyss & Apex and others. THE PHAROS OBJECTIVE and forthcoming THE MONGOL OBJECTIVE are the first two novels in a series about psychic archaeologists. He’s also written the horror novel CRESCENT LAKE, and the historical fiction epic, SILVER AND GOLD. You can step into his mind at www.sakmyster.com.

John Alfred Taylor is a retired professor of English in Southwest Pennsylvania, and has been writing science fiction and horror for years. He has been published in GALAXY, GALILEO, GRUE, OCEANS OF THE MIND, and ASIMOV’S, and had stories reprinted in YEAR’S BEST HORROR STORIES. A collection of Taylor’s horror stories, HELL IS MURKY, is available from Ash-Tree Press.

Adrian Ludens is a radio personality and program director for a classic rock station in the Black Hills of South Dakota. His fiction has appeared in Morpheus Tales, Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine and a number of small press horror anthologies. Recent appearances include stories in Made You Flinch 2: Two For Flinching (edited by Bill Tucker, Library of Horror Press) and in Zombie Kong (edited by James Roy Daley, Books of the Dead Press). Adrian first short story collection is available on Amazon.

Chris Abbey was created in the 60s during a bad thunderstorm and someone’s bad trip. His hobbies are grave-robbing, sewer-lurking, and macrame. He is considering a job offer from a major magazine, and will consider it further if the offer ever actually happens. The picture is a still from a YouTube video in which he discusses how to tell a joke (true).

Christopher Golden is an award-winning, bestselling author of novels for adults and teens, as well as a comic book writer, screenwriter, and editor. He was born and raised in Massachusetts, where he still lives with his family, and his original novels have been published in more than fourteen languages in countries around the world. His is not funny. Please visit him at www.christophergolden.com

Jeff Strand: Stories by Jeff Strand have appeared in all three BLOOD LITE volumes. He’s written a bunch of novels, including stuff like WOLF HUNT and FANGBOY, and he’ll give you a great big hug if you visit his website at www.jeffstrand.com.

Kelley Armstrong: Kelley Armstrong has been telling stories since before she could write. Her earliest written efforts were disastrous. If asked for a story about girls and dolls, hers would invariably feature undead girls and evil dolls, much to her teachers' dismay. All efforts to make her produce "normal" stories failed. Today, she continues to spin tales of ghosts and demons and werewolves, while safely locked away in her basement writing dungeon. She's the author of the "Women of the Otherworld" paranormal suspense series, "Darkest Powers" young adult urban fantasy trilogy, and Nadia Stafford crime series. She lives in southwestern Ontario with her husband, kids and far too many pets. www.KelleyArmstrong.com

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE – Roundtable 3

2012-05-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE edited by Kevin J. Anderson (Gallery Books)

Disembowelment—how is that funny?

Lisa Morton: Oh, easy: It’s only three syllables removed from “bowel movement”.

JG Faherty: It depends how it’s done, just like anything else. Write it or film it with a sense of humor, and it’s hilarious. A perfect example is the scene in Machete where Machete rappels out a window and down the hospital wall, using a victim’s intestines as a rope. Ask Quentin Tarantino or the folks from Monty Python what’s funny about disembowelment and they’ll probably say, ‘What isn’t?’ Ask your local pastor (or veteran) and they’ll probably tell you you’re a sick bastard.

Mike Baron: It’s funny when you slip in the guts and do a pratfall.

Jeff Ryan: The word itself is funny, like “defenestrate” or “keelhaul.”

John Alfred Taylor: It’s not, but I can think of a movie short that might make it funny. Perhaps best animated.

Adrian Ludens: Disembowelment is NOT funny, with one exception. It all hinges on the lower intestines. I envision a victim whose pride or sense of decorum compels them to stagger around, unsuccessfully trying to hold their lower intestines in to no avail. Instead they unspool or unravel like film in an old Hollywood camera.

Chris Abbey: I actually overheard someone say, “Did you hear they’ve figured out a way to make Damascus Steel without the blood of slaves?” Doesn’t get any funnier than that.

Christopher Golden: It’s not. Though I’m confident Jeff Strand could make it funny.

Jeff Strand: It’s not. Why would you even suggest otherwise? What are you, some kind of disembowelment-enjoying sicko? For God’s sake, this is people’s intestines being yanked out that we’re talking about! Here, point your tummy this way and we’ll see how much you like it, you twisted bastard.

Kelley Armstrong: There is something surreally absurd about intestines tumbling out, and the writer can play with that--and the readers can acknowledge--particularly if the victim is someone the reader doesn't care about...or is happy to see disemboweled.

Part 4 coming next week!

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BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE AUTHORS

Photo by
Mikkel Paige

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE – Roundtable 2

2012-05-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE edited by Kevin J. Anderson (Gallery Books)

What’s the most horrific thing you have seen, heard, or read that made you laugh even though you weren’t supposed to?

Lisa Morton: I once laughed at a nutcase who was threatening me. Probably not my smartest move, but it just came out...and it was worth it for the look on the whackjob’s face (who did leave me alone).

JG Faherty: Well, I know I’m not alone in my habit of laughing at funerals and wakes. Again, it’s an unconscious need to release tension, to make the horrific more palatable. Not unlike my habit of cracking a joke or wise comment when driving past a terrible accident. People often call it a morbid sense of humor, but it’s simply a defense mechanism. Make it funny and you don’t have to think about the reality of a situation. It also happens in bad movies, like the Saw series, where the gore is so outlandish and over the top that it simply stops being scary and just ends up being stupid. Although I have to admit, years ago while working as a photographer I did accident scene photo work for the local police and one time I had to take pictures after someone was run over by a train. There was a single eyeball sitting on a rail. I still have that photo someplace, and it still makes me laugh. I love bringing it out at parties.

Mike Baron: A tale. I was talking to Snake yesterday. He said, some years ago he was riding with his club, when the lead bike struck a deer. The rider struck the deer in such a way that the antler pierced the forehead of the unfortunate. It entered his forehead and protruded from the top of his skull. Snake went to the aid of his fallen bro. Grabbed hold of the deer which was thrashing about with the impaled in tow. Snake reached for his knife and wrestled the deer down and slit its throat. The rest of the gang then hog piled on the deer as it went through its death throes. They then decapitated the deer. The ambulance arrives, is stunned by the blood and gore, not to mention the pierced biker, saws off the antler and transports the wounded.

Jeff Ryan: My younger brother was in second grade. He had a mean lunch lady who I’ll call Ida. None of the kids liked her. One morning the principal announced that, sadly, Ida had died last night. Silence, then...a cheer. Then another, from another classroom. Soon the entire elementary schoolful of young children was celebrating an old lady’s death. The principal was stuck saying “this isn’t an appropriate response.” A teacher friend of mine said that was the worst thing he’d ever heard.

David Sakmyster: I know I’m not alone, but I thought what was supposed to be so horrific about The Human Centipede was actually hilarious. I guess for me there’s just no conceivable way to depict the consumption of human waste and not leave a… (ahem)… funny taste in the mouth.

John Alfred Taylor: The last words of vulcanologist David Johnson watching Mt. St. Helens March 20, 1980: “Vancouver! Vancouver! This is it!” Pyroclastic flow isn’t anything to laugh at, but how right he was.

The First and Second Defenstrations of Prague: the first bunch out the window were saved by a convenient dung heap below, the second bunch years later died because of improved sanitation.

Adrian Ludens: I’m glad you asked because I need to get this off my chest. When I was a junior in high school, we watched a documentary about Nazi Germany in a history class. This documentary focused on the atrocities of the concentration camps. The images and footage really shook me up. And the feeling of sadness and horror continued to mount. On the TV screen, we’re watching Nazi soldiers tossing bodies into a mass grave. Just a tangle of limbs down a massive hole. Then they’re carrying what is obviously a little kid and they stop on the lip of the hole. As they let the body slide down the side of the pit someone in class audibly said: “Wheeee!”

That someone was me. Several other students gasped and looked at me with disgust. But I don’t think any of them understood what made me do it. I couldn’t take the horror any more. I HAD to lighten the mood. A person can only take so much sadness before they start joking around. That’s what happened to me that day.

Chris Abbey: Cop Rock.

Christopher Golden: I’m sure the list is long and...just wrong. I can’t even begin to come up with the number one thing on that list, but just yesterday I cracked up when I saw video of one of the assholes who rioted in Vancouver after the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup to the Bruins. Thanks to riot police, the poor bastard got a flashbang to the crotch. Essentially a small explosion, followed by fire. It shouldn’t be funny, but it so is. Though I laughed much harder watching this video, mainly because of the scream and the commentator’s amused sympathy.

Jeff Strand: When I laugh inappropriately, it’s usually over something immature rather than something horrific. Though when I was in high school I was at a friend’s house watching BLOOD FEAST, and when the woman got her tongue ripped out my friend’s little brother let out a horrified “Oooohhh” which I thought was absolutely hilarious. The poor kid is probably traumatized to this day. I’m a bad person.

Part 3 coming next week!

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BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE AUTHORS

Photo by
Mikkel Paige

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE – Roundtable 1

2012-05-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE edited by Kevin J. Anderson (Gallery Books)

“[W]ith the popularity of shows and movies such as The Walking Dead, True Blood, Twilight, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, audiences have demonstrated their love for [horror]—especially accompanied with a dose of humor to tone down the terror.”

This above quote is from the synopsis of Blood Lite: Aftertaste. Why do you think humor is so important in a horror story?

Lisa Morton: Horror and humor go together like blood and band-aids—one helps to relieve the other.

JG Faherty: First off, I don’t think humor is ‘important’ in a horror story per say; it’s just that horror with a touch of humor is a very popular subset of the horror genre, just as it is with any other genre. Romantic comedies do better than dramatic romance movies; action movies with a shot of the funnies often do better than hard action. People like to laugh—it’s a universal. Not everyone enjoys being scared, or having a good cry, or sitting through impossible car chases. But show me someone who hates to laugh and I’ll show you a Vulcan. Or a serial killer. When it comes to horror, I think there is a second factor as well: it takes the edge off the scares. Instead of having x-number of hours of intense fear, you have spurts of it broken up by the laughs. It is a tension release, and you actually look forward to it coming. The horror is more palatable when you know it’s only temporary.

Mike Baron: Any good story has an element of humor in it. When we confront the inexplicable or the terrifying humor serves as an escape valve to help us handle the situation.

Jeff Ryan: There are a million ways to tell a dramatic story and make it work. If you’re reading a funny story and you don’t chuckle, it doesn’t work. Ditto for scary stories. And there’s an overlap in emotions, since fright makes you tense, and laughter releases the tension. Really, comedy and horror are opposite sides of the same coin. Mel Brooks said it best: “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open manhole and die.”

David Sakmyster: Simply put, it provides the necessary spark of humanity in the face of the inhuman, and reminds us that even when all seems bleakest, sometimes a little chuckle is all it takes to prove that IT (whatever horror ‘it’ is)—while it may kill us in horrifying ways—will never truly get the best of us.

John Alfred Taylor: It isn’t always. But in entertainments like those cited the humor reminds the audience that horror is entertainment, fun with tropes, so to speak. Hoary old tropes that deserve mockery. Zombies are boring, and vampires metabolically unconvincing. But one can have knowing fun with the tropes, as in Scream or The Rocky Horror Show, so you can have your horror cake and eat it too—simultaneously be scared and laugh at it.

But humor does other things for horror. For instance it can damp down the pressure just enough. Think of watching a horror movie in a crowded theatre—the tension raised instant by instant till a young man somewhere can’t stand it and bursts into braying laughter. A little sprinkle of humor at the right moment might prevent that. And sometimes humor and horror are inseparable: in L. P. Hartley’s “The Traveling Grave” the protagonist’s misunderstanding of what his host collects (baby carriages instead of coffins) is part of the fun. Or in stories by M. R, James the humor helps construct the comfortable tissue of normality that the revenant rips through: as examples see the choleric Colonel Wilson in “O Whistle, and I’ll Come to You” or the estate bailiff spouting malapropisms in “Mr. Humphreys and His Inheritance.”

Adrian Ludens: My brother-in-law pointed out that whenever we go through a Halloween spook house, I’m the one who’s always laughing. I think there’s something fun about being scared while knowing you are safe. With a humorous horror story, I think the author is saying to the reader: ‘Hey, come with me on this crazy adventure... you’re going to experience some things that are scary or even awful, but don’t worry; you’ll have fun and maybe even laugh about it.’

Chris Abbey: Horror is a way to distance oneself from the things of which we are afraid. A second way to distance is to laugh at them. In “Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein,” for instance, we laughed at Costello partly because he was so much more frightened of these monsters than we like to think we’d be. Wes Craven understands the absurdity of the monster within.

Christopher Golden: A good laugh is cathartic, and so is a good scare. Put the two together, and it’s even better. Both humor and horror bring us to a physically agitated state. They give us a rush. And when we start coming down from that, it’s exhilarating.

Jeff Strand: Often I like to use humor to soften the reader for the kill. Make them laugh, lower their defenses, and then hit them with something much more horrific than they were expecting! Humor can also be used to create empathy for a character—we like people who make us laugh—and it can also make a story more realistic because, after all, real life is funny!

Kelley Armstrong: I don't think it's critical for horror to have humor, but it does provide tension relief, which can make it a more emotionally satisfying read. As the sense of dread mounts, those little "oases" of humor give the reader breathing space, which can give the next shot of horror an even bigger jolt.

Part 2 coming next week!

Related Articles
- Kevin J. Anderson interview

BLOOD LITE: AFTERTASTE AUTHORS

Photo by
Mikkel Paige

Mirror Shards, Vol 2

2012-03-17T16:34:00.001-07:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Mirror Shards, Vol 2
Editor(s): Thomas K. Carpenter
Pay Rate: 2¢ to 5¢ per word
Response Time: usually less than one week
Reading Period: until May 5th
Description: Augmented reality holds the promise of great social change in both the near and far-flung futures. It’s also a wonderful medium for storytelling as information and graphics overlain eye-screens challenges the doors of perception and creates mixed-reality worlds to work and play. The stories can be set in any place, time, or genre, as long as the story cannot exist bereft of augmented reality. Feel free to explore the edges of the technology.
Submission Guidelines: www.blackmoonbooks.com

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?

This could be a long list, but I’ll try to keep it to my major influences: George RR Martin, Gene Wolfe, Kris Rusch, William Gibson, Stephen King, Suzanne Collins, Cory Doctorow, Scott Westerfeld, Neal Stephenson.

As you can see, I’m all over the map and I was sticking mostly to the speculative fiction genres. It’s hard to put a finger on exactly what captivates me, but I would say great characters and interesting stories. Martin hits my reader cookies so completely that I will read anything of his, and usually multiple times as I study how he works his craft. He’s a master.

And while I have a few prose-heavy writers on that list, like Wolfe and Gibson, it’s their storytelling that interests me, not their literary stylings. In fact, what usually disappoints me about their stories is I have a hard time getting friends and family to read their works because they’re rather imposing on the prose. It’s not that I don’t love what they’re doing, I do, it’s more that the average reader has a hard time connecting to them.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?

This is by its nature a science fiction theme, but other genres can be mixed freely. Last year's Volume One was heavy on the near-future stories. I'm hoping writers push a little further out on the spectrum and take chances with their writing.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?

I like big, bold storytelling. The type of stories I like show up regularly in the Writers of the Future contest. So if you're wanting to stand out from the hundreds of similar slush stories I'll see, take me to an exotic location and tell me a story I've never heard before.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.

That’s a hard one to answer. The pacing depends on the story being told. Pacing is like breathing, there’s purpose to the hesitation between the in-breath and the out. I would caution against all slow pacing, but unless there’s a stylistic reason, blazing through the story at mach ten without giving the reader a breath can be overwhelming.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?

I have a sweet spot for flawed, but powerful characters. Lisbeth Salander from the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo comes to mind first. Just about any character in Martin’s Game of Thrones. The Gunslinger and Wolfe’s Severion are other examples.

6) Is there a specific tone you’d like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?

Voice works when it works? I’ve been studying a lot of short fiction lately (even more than I usually do), and I’ve seen a lot of differing voice styles work. There has to be some anchor to the reader, but if you can do that and hold interest, then it’ll come together.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?

No taboos as long as it’s for the story’s sake. The further away you get from the norm, the harder it is to justify. And shocking for the sake of shocking won’t get far.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?

Augmented reality can be used in a diverse enough way that any theme can be explored as long as it involves the human condition.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?

Prefer upbeat, but downbeat is acceptable as long as it serves the denouement. A tragically beautiful ending is difficult, but powerful when it's pulled off.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do’s or do not’s?

Understand what augmented reality (AR) is all about. Be creative and push the boundaries. Don’t just slap AR into a current story and send it in. That tactic is extremely obvious. But also, don’t let the story just be about the technology. We have to be invested in the character before we can care about how technology changes us. Fiction provides understanding into the human condition and science fiction just provides a unique lens. Flip the lens to AR, turn it to eleven and send in your best stories.

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

D.L. SNELL is an acclaimed novelist from the Pacific Northwest. Anthologies include Pocket Books’ Blood Lite series, edited by best-selling author Kevin J. Anderson. Snell’s first novel, Roses of Blood on Barbwire Vines, also attained critical acclaim from popular novelists such as New York Times bestselling author Jonathan Maberry. Visit his website at dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

THE EDGE OF SUNDOWN antho

2012-03-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: THE EDGE OF SUNDOWN
Editor(s): Kevin Ross and Brian Sammons
Pay Rate: 3¢ / word
Response Time: varies, hopefully less than 1 month from this point on (I’ve been terrifically lax so far, KR)
Reading Period: at least until July 1, 2012
Description: HORROR stories set in the American west (1860-1900), 4000-8000 words preferred, no humor or poetry
Submission Guidelines: www.freewebs.com/brian_sammons/

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?

KR: I’m old-fashioned, so my tastes run to a lot of classics: Lovecraft, Hodgson, Machen, and their descendants, T.E.D. Klein, Karl Edward Wagner, Ramsey Campbell. With the exception of HPL and Campbell, these guys have simple straightforward styles that don’t get in the way of the stories they’re trying to tell.

BMS: Lovecraft, for his original vision of horror. Stephen King for being the first author of adult books I ever read and introducing me to the joys of reading. Robert Bloch and Joe R. Lansdale for doing both bleak horror and black comedy so well. Richard Matheson for being the most consistently good and enjoyable over such a long career. And I can’t forget Robert E. Howard for his manly badassery.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?

KR: I’m obviously a big fan of supernatural horror, but much of the reading I’ve done over the past couple of years has been western-related one way or another—a lot of history, but also novels by Peter Brandvold, Elmore Leonard, and Gordon Shirreffs (who’s probably my favorite western novelist—good pulpy stuff).

BMS: Horror first and foremost, with various flavors of sci-fi and the occasional sword and sorcery fantasy, as long as it’s not too cute and fluffy. As for what I’d like to see for this book, a real blend of honest to god, scary as shit horror with undeniable Old West settings, themes, and characters. I don’t want to see a story, even if it’s a first rate horror tale, that only has the western aspect as set dressing, or a truly great western if it’s not in the least horrifying.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?

KR: Well, this is a western book, so obviously we want stuff that fits into that genre and setting, whether it’s the eerie deserts and mountains, the agoraphobic plains, or more civilized/genteel atmospheres of cities like San Francisco or New Orleans. Cowtowns, Mexican villages, mining camps, Indian villages. Westward expansion could lead to any number of horrific situations in any number of environments.

BMS: I usually prefer modern tales, but in the case of this book we really want stories that feel authentic to the old west. If you have a story you wrote for some other setting, don’t think you can retrofit it with cowboy hats and six guns and think that will be good enough. If it is not first and foremost a true western, then it’s not going to fly.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.

KR: There are lots of different ways to write both horror stories and westerns. Some writers like to come charging out of the gate with an action scene, then settle in for a slow build-up to the story’s climax. I don’t think that’s any more “correct” or preferable than a story that builds slowly from the start. It really depends on what kind of story you’re telling, rather than an overall preference on my part. One thing I do think is missing in a lot of horror fiction is the sense of awe or unease produced just by little things. The recent Japanese-horror films used (and then over-used) this tactic a lot, but you also saw it in Machen and Lovecraft—that twinge of horror you got from something that seemed inconsequential. Or, alternately that gasp of wonder you had, say, when HPL described the awakened Cthulhu as “a mountain walked or stumbled.” That works a helluva lot better for me than a minutely detailed description of a vast alien being.

BMS: While arguments can be made for any type of story, the majority of short stories I really like are fast paced. I like the sense of action they impart. Conversely when it comes to novels or horror movies, I prefer creeping dread. Yeah that’s weird, I know.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?

KR: I figured that since we’re doing a western book we’d see a lot of laconic gunfighters a la Eastwood but that hasn’t been the case so far. I don’t have any preferences, but I’ll share a dislike: all-powerful characters who know everything about the occult or the Cthulhu Mythos or whatever it is they are going to be up against. Continuing characters and horror don’t mix well in my mind, though there are exceptions. I’m well sick of all-knowing invincible Mythos-busters.

BMS: I always like strong capable characters that nonetheless come up against things they just can’t overcome. It’s the whole feeling of yeah, you might be a bad ass (in whatever field) but compared to this you’re still nothing.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
KR: There have been a number of other horror-western and weird western fiction anthologies, but I have yet to see one that emphasizes the HORROR aspect. Most of the anthos I’ve seen have had at least a few stories (often several) that were firmly tongue-in-cheek. That’s NOT what I want for Edge of Sundown. I want HORROR, not broad humor or tall tales or light-hearted bullshit. I want stories that take both genres with deadly seriousness. There can be wit and humor, but these stories should raise goosebumps, not guffaws. As for a specific example, I’ll fall back to one of my favorite horror writers, Karl Edward Wagner. Whether it was his dark fantasy Kane stories or his horror tales, Wagner knew how to tell a story. An unobtrusive voice but always—always—a compelling plot and characters. I’m more of a plot-guy than a prose-aficionado.

BMS: We decided that this anthology was going to be 100% horror. I want dark, truly horrific horror. No horror-lite, no wink and nod spooky tales, I want the author to first and foremost to try to scare the hell out of the reader. I want feel-bad, twisted, dark as the moonless night, “oh my god I can’t believe I just read that” kind of horror.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?

KR: My vocabulary is pretty spicy anyway, so I personally have no limits there. Sex and violence are fine too, as long as you have something to say other than just “here’s some tits and gore.” Too much of horror these days relies on graphic descriptions of violence at the expense of pacing and atmosphere and the aforementioned “awe factor.” Writers seem to be rushing toward the “money shots” of knife slicing skin, bullet tearing through flesh, or teeth ripping throat. I’d rather see something strange and unearthly instead.

BMS: I’m fine with vulgarity; it’s a form of expression I’m fairly familiar with, as long as it’s warranted. Violence, I like violent horror. While not essential to tell a good story, I grew up in the 1980s reading plenty of splatterpunk. Sex, as long as it’s not just tossed in to be titillating and nothing more, I’m fine with it. As for taboos, for me it would be the victimization and sexualisation of children. No one wants to read that, and if you do, then this is not the book for you.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
KR: I strongly prefer supernatural or cosmic horror, though I can definitely see possibilities for psychological horror as well. Sadism and torture porn usually have no draw for me, though there are exceptions. As I said earlier, westward expansion brought people into a big, wild, unexplored part of the country, and I think that’s something worth pursuing: the vast wildernesses, what lies in wait out there, what men can do to each other once they’ve left civilization behind. There’s also the angle of expansion and greed outstripping man’s caution, his rapaciousness and disrespect for the natives and the environment, and so forth.

BMS: I’d like to see more than the typical tough and stoic gunman fighting some monster that might be the first thing that comes to people’s minds when you say ‘horror western.’ To be sure, there is room in this book for those kinds of stories, but the American Old West was so much more than that. I’d like to see tales from all the other amazingly colorful characters that populated that part of the world in that time. Naturally, I’d like to see elements of the Native Americans, from characters to parts (and/or monsters) from their rich mythology. Perhaps an immigrant from the ‘Old World’ has brought some of his horrors and nightmares with him to this wild New World? Also cosmic horror a la H.P. Lovecraft and how that would interact with the people of the old west would also be a cool idea. Or non-supernatural horror, if it’s truly engaging.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?

KR: I’m pretty pessimistic, so I tend toward the bleaker side of things, whether it’s in my own writing or the stories I select. I don’t mind happy endings so long as there’s some cost involved for the survivors. Brushes with the supernatural should always leave scars, whether physical or psychological.

BMS: Either, but if I had to lean one way or the other, I’d lean toward downbeat. Not only does it feel more horrific to me, I think too many of today’s horror stories have happy endings.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?

KR: Take the western and horror genres seriously. DO NOT play them for laughs. Make me shiver, whether it’s with a horde of zombies breaking down the cabin door to eat the man and his son—who have just one bullet left—or the sight of the Thunderbird blocking out the sun as it soars over the desert. Write great stories.

BMS: Make sure you are well versed in both the old west and what makes a good, scary story. Also avoid the clichés, not every whore had a heart of gold or were soiled doves in the Old West. Some were just mean, nasty, could-give-a-damn-less-about-anyone whores. That’s just one example, there are countless others, so be warned.

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

D.L. Snell writes with Permuted Press. He edited Dr. Kim Paffenroth thrice, John Dies at the End once, and provided a constructive critique to Joe McKinney on his next major novel after Dead City, Apocalypse of the Dead. You can shoot D.L. Snell in the head at www.dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

Over the Brink: Environmental Disaster antho

2012-02-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Over the Brink: Environmental Disaster (plus two more anthologies in 2012)
Editor(s): Juliana Rew
Pay Rate: 2¢ USD/word
Response Time: 6 weeks
Reading Period: April 1-30, 2012
Description: Anthology with the theme of “Environmental Disaster,” to be published online-only on June 30, 2012
Submission Guidelines: www.thirdflatiron.com

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?

We like mainline SF/Fantasy writers like Kurt Vonnegut, Arthur C. Clarke, Dan Simmons, Connie Willis, and Vernor Vinge.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?

We prefer an SF/Fantasy bent.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?

We like exotic locales, but ordinary settings are fine if the story is speculative (for example, time travel) or the situation is out-of-the-ordinary.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.

We are publishing short stories, so a rather quick build up is desirable.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?

We like humans who have a wry sense of humor and a problem-solving attitude. We also like intelligent aliens and creatures.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?

We are looking for stories that revolve around age-old questions and have something instructive to tell us as human beings.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?

A little vulgarity is ok where appropriate. No overly graphic depictions of rape and murder, please, although some death and destruction is expected for this collection.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?

The current anthology is about environmental disaster, or the fixes we’ve gotten ourselves into. The next anthology (open for submissions on April 1, 2012) will be on the theme of “War.” The final anthology for 2012 will have the theme, “Origins.”

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?

Either is fine. Also like endings with a twist.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?

We are also interested in short humor pieces, which will be featured separately in the anthologies. These should also have an SF/Fantasy bent, preferably.

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

Steampunk Cthulhu antho

2012-02-10T17:43:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Steampunk Cthulhu
Editor(s): Brian M. Sammons & Glynn Owen Barrass
Pay Rate: 3¢ / word + 3 contributor copies
Response Time: variable
Reading Period: now until July 31
Description: The age of steam meets the age of Cthulhu, in a past where technology unbound warps Victorian Britain and the world at large into a dark Steampunk reality.
Submission Guidelines: www.freewebs.com/batglynn/

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?

GB: Gawd there are so many… let’s see now! Two favourites: Raymond Chandler, because of his attention to detail and the rawness of his prose, and of course, H.P. Lovecraft, so rich with imagination and darkness, I couldn’t imagine a world without his sinister vision.

BMS: Lovecraft, for his original vision of horror. Stephen King for being the first author of adult books I ever read and introducing me to the joys of reading. Robert Bloch and Joe R. Lansdale for doing both bleak horror and black comedy so well. Richard Matheson for being the most consistently good and enjoyable over such a long career. And I can’t forget Robert E. Howard for his manly badassery.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?

GB: My genres, cyberpunk, and horror, for the most part. For this book, with immense clues in the title, we want to see the Cthulhu Mythos mixed with Steampunk, and are quite happy to see elements of fantasy, sci-fi, and even comedy within the subs.

BMS: Horror first and foremost, with various flavours of sci-fi and the occasional sword and sorcery fantasy, as long as it’s not too cute and fluffy. As for what I’d like to see for this book, a real blend of Lovecraftian nihilistic and inescapable horror with the often “future is bright” feel of steampunk. Also, I’d like to see some tales outside of the Victorian Britain setting.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
GB: I very much like alternate reality settings, whether it be past, present or future. Imagination can really soar when the world and reality have no boundaries.

BMS: I go through cycles. I’ll be into historical fiction for a while and then switch to something futuristic. However I always return to stories set in the modern world where reality clashes with the horrific or fantastic.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
GB: Any really, though it is good sometimes to read something slow paced, that suddenly goes ‘boom’ at a mile a minute near the end.

BMS: While arguments can be made for any type of story, the majority of short stories I really like are fast paced. I like the sense of action they impart. Conversely when it comes to novels or horror movies, I prefer creeping dread. Yeah that’s weird, I know.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?

GB: Those that feel helpless against an overpowering Evil/Government/Religion, but fight back nonetheless. Doomed protagonists also read very well in a story.

BMS: I always like strong capable characters that nonetheless come up against things they just can’t overcome. It’s the whole feeling of yeah, you might be a bad ass (in whatever field) but compared to this you’re still nothing.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?

GB: Dark for the most part, dystopian too. Steampunk tales in a grimy, polluted world with nothing shiny but the glint in the antagonist’s eye.

BMS: I’d be happy to run the gambit. From a few (but only a few) silly, humorous tales to the darkest, most feel bad stories imaginable, and everything in between. As long as it’s 100% steampunk and 100% Lovecraftian (or would that be 50% of both?) I’ll be happy.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?

GB: Swears are okay, as long as they are part of the story, but I don’t see our protagonists lowering themselves to such vulgarities. Violence, no problem where it is a necessary part of the story and not gratuitous. And sex… nothing X-Rated.

BMS: I’m fine with vulgarity; it’s a form of expression I’m fairly familiar with, as long as it’s warranted. Violence, I like violent horror. While not essential to tell a good story, I grew up in the 1980s reading plenty of splatterpunk. Sex, as long as it’s not just tossed in to be titillating and nothing more, I’m fine with it. As for taboos, for me it would be the victimization and sexualisation of children. No one wants to read that, and if you do, then this is not the book for you.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?

GB: Again, darkness in the Steampunk world, sinister conspiracies and things beyond comprehension breaking through into our reality.

BMS: Technology mixed with black magic or just going too far. Famous characters (fictional or real) from the era would be a good addition, as long as there’s a solid reason for them to be in the story. Perhaps pulpy adventure mixed with the darkest horror.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?

GB: Either, and if it’s downbeat for the heroes and upbeat for the bad guys, that’s fine! The protagonist discovering the hopelessness of the human condition in the face of the horrors of the Cthulhu Mythos would be a good (but not totally necessary) ending to a Steampunk Cthulhu tale.

BMS: Either, but if I had to lean one way or the other, I’d lean toward downbeat. Not only does it feel more Lovecraftian to me, but I think too many of today’s horror stories have happy endings.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?

GB: DO NOT pay lip service to the Mythos, as in throwing in a few names here and there just to make something Cthulhu Mythos when it’s not. We want the stories rich with the elements of both genres, blended seamlessly.

BMS: Let me stress that again, DO NOT play lip service to the Lovecraftian element. I’ve recently put together a number of Lovecraftian anthologies and you’d be surprised how many authors think that namedropping Cthulhu or the Necronomicon is sufficient. Well it’s not. The same should be said about the steampunk genre. If you’re not completely comfortable with one side of this genre blending experiment or the other, it will show.

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

Zombie Jesus and Other True Stories antho

2012-02-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Zombie Jesus and Other True Stories
Editor(s): Lori Michelle, Max Booth III and Stan Swanson
Pay Rate: $20 plus contributor’s copy
Response Time: 2 months
Reading Period: January 13th—May 31st
Description: Alternate history horror
Submission Guidelines: www.darkmoonbooks.com

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?

Stephen King, of course, holds a special place in our hearts. He has a great knack for diving into your average day man and bringing out the true horrors that hide beneath. No one better has been able to bring up a scenario and make the reader ask themselves what they would do if thrown into the same situation. In fact, we appreciate all this man has accomplished so much that we even made a sort of “SK Holiday” back in August on our blog wherein we reviewed some of his older work. We look to do it again next August as well.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
Well, obviously our favorite genre is horror. But just because it’s horror, don’t think that we’re expecting a bunch of blood and guts. No, we are looking for stories that are truly horrifying—concepts that rock the very sense of reality itself. We want to be scared, not grossed out.

As for this specific anthology, we don’t want stories that only take place in the past and have a horror element thrown in. We want tales more in vein of The Twilight Zone. We want the weird and the creative. We would like our writers to take a specific historical event, and ask themselves, what if something had gone differently? How would the future have changed? The biggest example being, of course, what if Hitler had won the war? What kind of world would we live in now? And, if you throw in some horror tropes such as zombies or cockatrices or what have you, why, that would be just fine.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
For this anthology we are looking for real settings instead of full blown fantasy. Just because it’s an alternate history theme, that does not mean that the story has to take place in the past, either; it just means that something in the past went in a different path than what we know to be true; therefore, the future could be and probably is the most appropriate setting for our book.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
Either, really. Just that it is written well and truly horrifying. Both fast and slow have their advantages; with fast paced stories you are thrown into the story immediately, right there in the action—while a slow paced story, however, prides itself on building the tension. That’s the most important thing when it comes to slow paced stories, that it keeps with the tension. And if your story does begin slow, then it better have one hell of a climax if you want to stand out among the rest of the dozens of submissions we’ve already received.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
It would be interesting to see others’ takes on famous historical figures—a few examples being maybe Teddy Roosevelt, Lee Harvey Oswald, Vlad the Impaler, etc. The possibilities are endless. But don’t think that we only want stories featuring famous historical figures; the events and their consequences are more important here, although that isn’t to say that your characters (whoever they are, real or fictional) shouldn’t be written well all the same.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
An anthology shouldn’t stick to one specific tone but instead offer a variety of nightmares to appeal to all readers.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
Only when necessary. If it pertains to the plot, then by all means knock yourself out. But if you’re just trying to be edgy, then we’re the wrong publication for you.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
One question: WHAT IF? What if Y had happened instead of X? What would the consequences be?

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
Whatever seems appropriate for the rest of the story. If the rest of the story is dark and utterly hopeless, then we don’t want a copout upbeat ending. But there’s no reason to force a downer on us either. Each tale is different.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
Do not send us stories that take place in the past and that’s it. Just because there’s the word “history” in the description does not mean you get to skip reading the rest of the guidelines. Please make sure you understand what we’re after before submitting. Also, good luck! This book is going to be awesome.

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

Fungi antho

2012-01-21T18:25:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Fungi
Editor(s): Orrin Grey and Silvia Moreno-Garcia
Pay Rate: 1¢ per word (CAD)
Response Time: Varies
Reading Period: Until February 15, 2012
Description: Speculative fiction anthology with fungi as a central theme
Submission Guidelines: www.innsmouthfreepress.com

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?
SMG: Oh, a whole lot of people. Nabokov, Tanith Lee. They have to have some flair. That certain style which pulls at you.

OG: Man, as Silvia says above, lots of people. I'm personally a huge fan of Mike Mignola, who's known more for his art than his writing, though he's amazing at both. I'm a fan of a lot of the turn-of-the-century guys and the #Weird Tales authors like Lovecraft, Leiber, Hodgson, etc. And of course I'm a really big fan of M.R. James and E.F. Benson and a lot of other guys with two first initials and then a last name.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
SMG: We are looking for all kinds of speculative fiction. Mushroom noir. Steamfungus. Whatever floats your mushroom. I'm actually very serious about mushroom noir. And there's stuff that should just write itself, like some #Alice in Wonderland variation because of the whole mushroom consumption in that.

OG: Again, as Silvia says, there's no one genre we're looking for in #Fungi, but I'm personally partial to weirder supernatural stories, something a little spooky, a little haunting. Hard sci-fi or high fantasy is going to be a harder sell for me than something that's got a little creep to it.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
SMG: I wouldn't call it exotic, but I want to see stuff that's not set in the USA. The world is bigger than one country. If we don't get a story set in China with Chinese characters, that would be unforgivable, for example. The country has over 200 species of mushrooms and they have been used in traditional medicine for many, many years.

OG: While I love a good story set in a decaying New England town (and we've gotten a few good ones already), I'd second the notion that we'd like to see stuff set all over the world.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
SMG: I'm for slow, but that doesn't mean you are allowed to bore me to tears. You've got to catch our attention somehow. It doesn't have to be with a fistfight, but give me something.

OG: I love a good slow burn, though what works best varies from story to story. I think if you're going to go with a slow start, though, then something like atmosphere or tone is absolutely imperative right up front.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
SMG: Ones who are not stupid? Seriously, I get to read many stories in which the protagonists seem to have been banged on the head with a big hammer.

OG: I remember the old guidelines for #Weird Tales used to ask for "protagonists who protag," and yeah, I'd like to see some of those. I prefer characters who're taking an active role and at least trying to do something, rather than passive victims succumbing to their fate. (Not that the active characters can't still fail, or be attempting something harmful, but I'd like them to be at least attempting something.)

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
SMG: I like weird stuff. Stuff that isn't afraid to play with form.

OG: Again, I like stuff that's a little on the macabre or spooky side, so I'm going to gravitate toward that.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
SMG: Whatever works for the story. However, violence for the sake of violence is bo-ring. Also, this is not an erotica anthology.

OG: I don't think I have anything to add to that.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
SMG: Body horror. Stories without plots. Stories that are not third-person POV. Hero’s journey? Not my cup of tea. Stories with good science.

With that said, I don't want it to be all people turning into mushrooms. How about mushroom as a tool for murder? You know, poison. A society interested in the cultivation of mushrooms. A mushroom deity. One of the largest organisms on earth is a fungi. Or, think of penicillin.

OG: I'm a big believer in people turning into mushrooms, it's true, but we're going to get, and have already gotten, a lot of those stories. Also, we're getting a lot of stories with overt Lovecraft references. I'm not averse to a good Lovecraftian fungus story, but I definitely don't want this anthology to be all Lovecraft all the time.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
SMG: Whatever works for the story.

OG: Ditto.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
SMG: Please provide a cover letter with your most relevant credits. Do not summarize the story for me.

OG: And please, please put the word count in your cover letter!

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

Extreme Planets antho

2012-01-16T15:36:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Extreme Planets
Editor(s): David Conyers, David Kernot and Jeff Harris
Pay Rate: US 3¢/word plus three copies
Response Time: Acceptances after closing date. Rejects during and after submission period.
Reading Period: Until 30 June 2012
Description: A science fiction anthology of short stories set on or about alien worlds that push the limits of what we believe is possible in a planetary environment. To be published by Chaosium Inc.
Submission Guidelines: www.david-conyers.com

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?
The science fiction authors that I have enjoyed whose ideas and style are relevant to the Extreme Planets anthology include Alastair Reynolds, Iain M. Banks, Greg Egan, Peter F. Hamilton, David Brin, Neal Asher, Ken Macleod, Charles Stross, Stephen Baxter, Robert Reed and Greg Bear. These authors can write tales with a pace, have good characters and most of all leave me with a sense of wonder. When I finish reading their works I feel like the universe is bigger and more wondrous than I had ever imagined, and that the scale of space is just huge. They also get the science and technology right, creating believable futures.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
I like thrillers, stories with a sense of will or won’t the protagonist get through to the end of the story in one piece after facing numerous obstacles, dangers and antagonists out to stop them. I also like a sense of adventure. For example, in Extreme Planets, a story might involve a group of planetary explorers working together to determine the best way to alter a planet’s atmosphere to make it breathable for them. This might be an okay story on its own, but if there was a time frame to solve the problem because the only air recycler on their spaceship has failed, and that someone in the team is deliberately sabotaging their efforts, then this adds extra tension, pace and mystery that a story would otherwise lack. We’ve set story lengths up to 10,000 words so authors get the opportunity to play with and develop their ideas.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
This is an anthology about planets that push the boundaries of what is possible in an alien environment, so my co-editors (David Kernot and Jeff Harris) are looking for stories set on or about these kinds of worlds, what it would be like for humans to observe, explore or live there (or fight wars or plunder its resources for that matter), and how the environment might affect any life that might have evolved there. So if this is an anthology about alien worlds, then we want far future science fiction stories involving spaceships (or equivalent) and the technology that goes with it, or the technology to observe these worlds from afar. Technology similarly needs to be sufficiently developed to create a believable future.

We are also interested in stories about pantropy (re-engineering humans to survive in alien environments) and terraforming.

We are not interested in steampunk or fantasy extreme worlds.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
I want to see action unfolding as the story is being told, not recounts of what has happened in the past, or detailed essays as to why the characters are where they are or how technology works. Details like that should come out in the narrative. Lastly, I want to see dialogue. Stories without any dialogue at all really don’t work for us. And stories have a pace, don’t get bogged down with too much description when it is not needed and don’t race through scenes that need a little more description to set the scene.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
Science fiction is about problem solving, so I want characters that at least try to solve problems facing them. They may not succeed but I want to see them give it a go. Protagonists hold more appeal to readers when they are active, not passive. They don’t wait for things to happen, or for someone else to take the lead, they drive the action themselves. If a spaceship is going to crash into a black hole, then the main character in this particular story is the one working very hard to ensure this rather unpleasant end doesn’t come to be, even though she or he might be faced by a whole host of secondary events or characters, willingly or unwillingly, trying to see her or him fail.

Also, I like characters that care about something, and stand up for what they believe in. I like characters that are also human, in that they have failings as much as they have positive traits. I like to see characters evolve, learn something about themselves and come out the other end of a story as a better person.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
I said earlier I like the thriller style, where there is a sense of action and danger. I like stories where I am compelled to turn the next page because I want to know what happens next. I want to be surprised by twists and turns that I didn’t see coming.

I’m a huge fan of Alastair Reynolds––now he knows how to write a story with pace and energy that grabs my attention. If submitters can write a story as good as his, then they will be in for sure.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
Violence towards children and minors will be extremely hard to sell. Vulgarity, violence or sexual content just for the sake of shock value isn’t appropriate. I don’t care if your story has words like ‘fuck’ in it, or there are sex scenes or bloody demises of characters, but we’re not after gory horror tales either. There is one main rule to follow: make vulgarity, violence and sexual content appropriate to the story. If in doubt, less is definitely preferable to more. Implication is better than graphic description.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
Simply, we want stories about the most bizarre but plausible (in a science fiction setting) world that can be imagined. Then we want to see what life is like on these worlds and how humans would survive there, or stories about observing or discovering these worlds.

There are so many speculative worlds out there, both in science and science fiction literature. We want stories about super-sized ocean worlds with sea hundreds of kilometers thick and deeper layers of hot ice, carbon worlds with diamond mountains and petrochemical seas, iron worlds with extreme magnetic fields and alien life forms that have evolved with iron in their biochemical makeup, and planets with super gravities and atmospheres so thick it is like walking in liquid. But we’re also keen to see artificial worlds along the same vein as Larry Niven’s Ringworld, the lattice structure in Alastair Reynold’s Pushing Ice, artificial Jupiter sized spaceships like Robert Reed’s Marrow, Shellworlds like in Iain M. Bank’s Matter, Alderson Disks like in Charles Stross’ “Missile Gap,” and anything else anyone out there has the imagination to conjure up.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
Don’t care, so long as I’m dragged into the story because I’m enjoying it and I want to see how it ends. Protagonists should fight the good fight. Sometimes they win and sometimes they lose. The main criterion is that they fight for what they believe in.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
Be a fan and avid reader of science fiction, otherwise you are unlikely to understand the nuances that make the genre what it is, and what we are looking for. Also, read current works out there, because science fiction changes a lot, even in a decade. Some good examples of recommended reading are Asimov’s Interzone and Analog magazines, and anthologies such as The New Space Opera by Gardner Dozois and Jonathan Strahan, and Mindblowing SF by Mike Ashley, but there are plenty of other examples out there, such as the works by authors I recommended earlier. Also, science magazines like Cosmos, New Scientists and Scientific America also have lots of great articles to kick-start the imagination.

A critical point: if your only understanding of science fiction comes from watching science fiction movies and television series, then you are doing yourself a huge disservice, because the ideas in the visual media pale in comparison to the ideas in the literature and are about 50 years behind in their concepts. If this is your only influence, your stories will look amateurish in comparison to those who read in the genre.

Critical do not’s, that’s easy. Ensure that your story does not include any of the following: vampires, elves, fairies, werewolves, unicorns, magic, religious stories where god is a real person, Lovecraftian monsters, medieval settings, immortal godlike humans calling themselves ‘Thor’ or equivalent, superhero stories and stories set in universes with a similar set-up to Star Wars, Star Trek, etc. No horror unless it is a science fiction story with horrific elements, and no fantasy.

Very few science fiction anthologies appear in the open submission market, so we ask authors to make their work count. We want good science fiction stories about worlds that push the limit of what we think is possible.

One last note, we will consider reprints from professional authors, but they are going to be really hard to sell if we get really good original tales to compare them against. Query if you think you have a reprint story for us, we won’t discount them. Query if you have any idea that you think might interest us.

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

Dark Faith 2 antho

2011-12-27T14:28:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Dark Faith 2
Editor(s): Maurice Broaddus and Jerry Gordon
Pay Rate: 5 cents/word
Response Time: 90 after deadline
Reading Period: January 1st – January 31st
Description: Everyone believes in something and we want you to put those beliefs to the test. We’re looking for the story only you could write, something deeply personal and at the same time universal. We’re looking for smart, literate stories that don’t proselytize or stereotype. Stories that make you think, that comment on the human condition and the social order. Stories that are rich in their use of language.
Submission Guidelines: http://mauricebroaddus.com/?p=3224

For more scoops, go to www.dlsnell.com.

D.L. Snell writes with Permuted Press. He edited Dr. Kim Paffenroth thrice, John Dies at the End once, and provided a constructive critique to Joe McKinney on his next major novel after Dead City, Apocalypse of the Dead. You can shoot D.L. Snell in the head at www.dlsnell.com.

To reprint this article, please contact D.L. Snell.

Live Free or Never Die antho

2011-11-27T13:34:00.000-08:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Live Free or Never Die: Speculative Fiction from the Granite State to the Stars
Editor(s): Rick Broussard
Pay Rate: $50
Response Time: 3 months
Description: Pulp-style short fiction in the genre of science fiction and strange tales, all set in New Hampshire
Submission Guidelines: www.nhpulpfiction.com

THE SCOOP

1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?
I enjoy reading the works of writers like Kurt Vonnegut and Ray Bradbury who have distinctive voices and who can make words do tricks at their command. On the other hand, I really admire the imaginative scope and durability of classic science fiction writers like Robert Heinlein and the rebel spirit of fantasists like Harlan Ellison.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
My very favorite genres are precisely the genres that this anthology covers: science fiction and strange Twilight Zone-style tales.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
I'm most intrigued by the workings of the human mind. After all, that's the setting where the story really takes place no matter if the environment is exotic or quotidian.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
Short story pacing has to conform to an equation based the density of the story's essential plot points and the length of a sustainable arc for the narrative.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
I prefer protagonists who are somewhat out of their depth in whatever the situation is that they find themselves. I identify best with them. Other characters should possess more than one dimension unless it's a character from a place where there only is one dimension.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
I want the tone to be colorful and alluring and maybe a little tawdry.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
I'll edit out anything too extreme. I think shooting for PG 13 is probably a good idea but I'm always willing to bend rules for good writing. Past volumes have had their share of all of the above.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
Science fiction invites high concepts and I welcome those, but writers get extra points for actually taking the NH portion of the title seriously. The Granite State should be at least a secondary or parallel theme in every story.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
No preference.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
Put your contact information on the manuscript.

ZomBcon Breakout - Part 3 of 3

2011-10-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

READ: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

In a ballroom full of rabid zombie fans now actually turned into zombies, there were two people in particular whom I would want by my side. One of them was there in the ballroom already: Eloise J. Knapp—novelist, photographer, graphic designer… and one heck of a hardcore survivalist.

The other person was Jonathan Maberry. Not only was he an eighth-degree black belt in traditional Japanese jujitsu, and a fifth-degree black belt in kenjutsu (the Japanese art of swordplay), he also had published, like, fifteen books in five years, plus a bunch of Marvel comic books and short stories. Guy like that, he must have had some type of superpower equal to Peter Clines’s denial. And on top of everything, he was a super nice guy, always willing to read books from Permuted, always willing to help promote. Super nice guy. That, too, was one of his powers.

Alas, I hadn’t seen Maberry but in passing the entire zomBcon. Jacob, Eloise, and I really could have used him there in the ballroom.

“Locked,” Jacob Kier said as he hobbled away from yet another door leading out of the room. “Or maybe blocked or something.”

We had tried three doors already. They hadn’t been shut when I had first barged into the ballroom to save my friend and publisher Jacob Kier from suffering a game-over at the hands of a zombified Super Mario.

“Last one,” Ellie said.

We all looked down the outside aisle to where more and more zombies were pouring into the ballroom. It was the only open door, and we had been trying to avoid it because of the incoming horde.

I looked behind us at the gory mess Ellie’s minigun had left behind. There were still a few twitching hands here and there, a few blinking eyes on partially severed heads. But aside from this new influx of the undead ahead of us, we had pretty much cleared the room. Nevertheless, the incoming zombies had already started circling around behind us, and we could hear them back there, closing in.

There were so many. I wondered why they were all coming into the ballroom. Was there no one else out there alive?

“I’m running out of ammo,” Ellie said as she fed in her last belt of cartridges.

“Me too,” I said, plucking the last few shotgun shells from my bandolier. Jacob had already run out of rounds for his handgun, and he looked like maybe he was starting to hyperventilate, all sweaty and pale and trying to catch his breath. He was clutching his ZombAlert necklace as if it were helping him stay upright. I was proud of him: he hadn’t yet lain down and cried. Well... maybe for like a second he had.

Somehow Ellie had managed to get him back on his feet. “Think of your family,” she’d said. “There’s plenty to live for, but you have to fight for it, do you understand me?”

Now, as Ellie continued to load the minigun, I said, “Should we go back to your booth, get more ammo, different guns?”

She shook her head. “They’ve already circled around that far. We’d never make it to the cache, not with the ammo we’ve got left. We’d just be wasting our last chance.”

She finished loading the minigun for the last time. “Okay,” she said, “make every round count. D.L., you’re the cleanup crew. You get the ones I don’t.”

I nodded, and she set up her shot.

Watching her operate the minigun was like watching a construction worker using a jackhammer. It certainly was just as loud.

Jacob and I watched as she mowed down the bodies that were streaming through the doorway, watched as knees just disappeared in a bloody haze, and heads exploded. Jacob looked like he might puke as entrails slid out everywhere and the newcomer zombies got tripped up on them, slipping around in the rest of the carnage too.

The smell almost made me vomit in sympathy with Jacob. The smell of blood and raw muscle and guts, and the stinking, steaming brown and black sludge inside them. It kind of looked and reeked like the men’s room from right before the outbreak.

I looked back the way we’d come. “They’re coming up behind us!” I shouted over the minigun.

Ellie glanced back but then just kept shooting. She had to. If we couldn’t clear the doorway…

Behind me, the two leaders of the zombie pack got within range. Zombie Scully and zombie Mulder in their special agent suits and FBI laminates.

My shotgun turned zombie Mulder’s head into mist, and his tongue wagged in the meaty, gurgling stump before he fell over dead.

“Jacob,” I said, “watch out!”

He had been so steeped in shock he hadn’t noticed the undead Scully moving in on him. I couldn’t shoot—not a shotgun. Not with Jacob and my target in such close proximity. And as I raised the shotgun to strike the special agent with the butt, I wondered… could I really hit a girl? At least she wasn’t wearing glasses.

She latched onto Jacob’s arm and pulled him in for the bite… but got a mouthful of the shotgun stock instead. It was like hitting a tree with a baseball bat. The impact hurt my arms. And I could hear her teeth cracking, could feel the ragged remnants of them scraping the stock.

I shoved her away from my friend and blasted her neck and lower jaw so that the top of her head went flying, staring at us and tracking us with its eyes as it flew back into the oncoming mob.

“Eloise!” I shouted as Jacob and I backed up against her.

Just then the rapid fire stopped, and the minigun’s barrel wound down.

“All right,” she said, and she started forward, leaving the minigun on the floor.

I blasted a few more zombies behind us, and then slung Jacob’s arm over my shoulder and helped him along. We could hear shouting from out in the hall where we had been signing books. Someone shouting at the zombies and grunting, as if working hard at something.

“Hear that, Beavis? There’s someone alive out there!”

Jacob perked up a little and nodded. “Uh huh.”

He seemed to be feeling a little better about the whole thing now that we weren’t mercilessly slaughtering everyone.

There were only a couple zombies left standing. One looked completely intact, except for a vicious belt of gunshot wounds along his belly, and the other was missing a leg. Ellie pushed the intact one, and he slid apart at the belt of wounds. His top half hit the one-legged zombie, who toppled too, unable to keep his balance.

“Clear!” Ellie called.

Then she threw down a segment of pipe and draping to cover the mess she’d made. It would help keep our shoes somewhat clean.

Ellie walked across it, drapery squishing beneath her boots, and when she reached the threshold of the door…

I heard more shouting from in the hall, and Ellie started backing up, actually looking surprised for the first time that evening.

Permuted Press author Bowie Ibarra came stumbling in over the lumpy drapery, carrying an almost empty bottle of Dead Man Ale. Once he’d caught his balance, he immediately locked in on Eloise.

“Uhhhh…”

The sound actually came from behind us. I leaned Jacob against the wall and turned to blast more zombies.

Bowie, either drunk off his ass or infected with full-blown zombie AIDS, swiped at Eloise, who nimbly arched away while also swiping the bottle from his outstretched hand. She danced back a few steps and then, swinging the almost-empty bottle up so that the bottom pointed right at Bowie’s face, she slammed her palm hard against the glass mouth. The pressure, combined with the dregs left in the bottle, caused the bottom to explode. There was a loud pop as it shattered right into Bowie’s eyes. Shards stuck out of his face, and he staggered around, blind.

“Yeow!” he cried, clutching at his eyes. “I was just… offering you a toast—yeow!”

He tripped and fell face-first into the wettest part of the drapery. There was a squishing sound of blood pushing up through the fabric… directly into Bowie’s injured eyes.

Eloise looked horrified. “Bowie!”

She raced to his side and helped him up. He was crying blood. His and everyone else’s.

“Please…” he said, and then he vomited off to one side. “Please…”

BOOM!

I shot my last shell as one of the zombies finally reached our group from the rear. The blast only took off the bottom left half of his face, and didn’t put him down.

“I’m out!” I screamed, and then Jacob and I started backing up away from our approaching doom—all those hungry mouths.

“Please,” Bowie said again.

“I’m so sorry,” Ellie said. “I’m so sorry, Bowie.”

“Just—” He vomited up blood this time. “Just...”

Then he stopped talking.

Slowly, deliberately, he raised his head toward the sound of Ellie’s voice.

“I’m so sorry,” she said one last time before jabbing the long shard of the beer bottle through Bowie’s eye socket, into his brain. She caught him as he fell, and laid him gently down.

Then she stood up, and with a steely look in her eyes, she said, “Let’s go.”

I followed her, helping a weak and weeping Jacob out over the black-drapery funeral shroud as the zombies behind us followed too.

The hallway was almost completely deserted, except for Peter Clines and the group of twenty-or-so survivors huddled in his safe zone of deniability; he was leading them out the front doors, just chatting with them casually, like nothing was going on—as if he weren’t walking across a slaughterhouse floor; he stepped on a stomach, which deflated under his foot like a whoopee cushion.

“Oh hey, you guys!” he said, waving at us cheerfully.

Craig DiLouie was out in the hall too. He held a long metal pole with a U-shaped yoke welded onto one end, and he was catching the last few zombies by the neck with the yoke so that he could steer them into the ballroom. He was shouting and grunting as he worked.

Suddenly it all made sense: the locked doors, the sudden influx of the undead; the yelling.

“Oh jeez,” DiLouie said, struggling with the zombie trapped in his yoke. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize there was anyone else alive in there!”

“Bowie was alive,” I said.

“Oh my G—really? I didn’t… I didn’t realize.”

“It’s okay,” Ellie said, “neither did I...”

Craig shoved the zombie into the ballroom and spotted the horde coming through. He tried to shut the doors, but couldn’t because of all the bodies lying just inside.

He turned to us, and I realized just how pale and sickly he looked. “You should go.”

“Huh-uh,” Jacob said, still leaning on me.

“Yeah, Craig,” I said, “we’re not leaving anyone behind.”

He shook his head and started rolling up his sleeve. “You don’t understand. One of them, it…” He didn’t have to finish. We could see the nasty teeth marks indenting his skin.

Jacob started crying.

Eloise stared at Craig with a glazed look.

The zombies made it to the threshold and Craig jumped into action, holding them back with his yoke. “Go!” he said. “Go before I can’t hold them any longer!”

I nodded. “Ellie, Jacob, remember… there’s plenty to live for. We just have to—”

“We just have to fight for it,” Ellie finished. And then she was helping me pack Jacob to the elevator. We easily dodged the stray zombies Craig hadn’t cleared from the hall; he’d saved the slowest for last.

We took the elevator down to the second-floor parking garage, where Ellie was parked. I kept an eye on Jacob from my peripheral vision. He had stopped weeping and was just staring at the elevator doors.

DING!

The doors slid open onto the parking garage.

Black belt, prolific author, and super nice guy Jonathan Maberry suddenly stepped inside. “Not this way!” he said, repeatedly jabbing the button to close the doors.

I caught only a brief glimpse into the parking garage, but the way looked clear. It made me wonder what Maberry was running from.

“We’ll go to the first floor,” he said, pressing the button.

The elevator started to move, and Maberry glanced over his shoulder at us. I noticed a huge bloody fingerprint on the back of his coat. A red slash, like the imprint of an incision, seemed to cut into the large fingerprint, and it reminded me of something. Something I had seen in the men’s room earlier that day…

I started to ask Maberry if he’d seen Big Daddy anywhere, when suddenly he was pressing the emergency stop button. The elevator jerked a little as it stopped somewhere between floors. Jacob almost collapsed, and while Ellie and I were struggling to stay upright beneath his dead weight, Maberry took advantage.

He grabbed Jacob and spun him around, then locked him in some kind of one-arm chokehold that only a superhuman could maintain.

“Get back!” he told us, pointing a Glock at Ellie and me. Then he pressed the gun to Jacob’s head. “I’m sick of you foiling my plans. So let me tell you all about them conveniently…”

“Mr. Maberry, don’t you think that’s a bit—”

“I’ve been planning this for years, you see, building up a fan base, for myself and the entire genre. Working tirelessly for five years. In fact, where do you think I got the idea for Patient Zero, hmm? It wasn’t just fiction… it was a plan. And now with zomBcon and Occupy Seattle getting people out on the streets and vulnerable... I knew the timing was right.”

As he kept talking, I glanced at Jacob.

“Why, you might ask? Hah! There is no reason! It’s simply because… I want to. Because… I’m not even human.”

That got my attention. “Not human?”

He chuckled. “Yes. Haven’t you ever wondered how I’m able to write so many books?”

Jacob said, “Uh-huh…” and then suddenly he started puking. It poured over Maberry’s arm and all down the front of Jacob’s Permuted tee.

Maberry reacted, shoving Jacob away and flinging vomit off his sleeve.

“He’s infected!” Maberry screamed, and then he marched forward, aiming the gun at Jacob’s head.

“No!”

Ellie and I both ran forward, pushing Maberry into Jacob, shoving until the two were practically hugging. We felt Maberry’s muscles wind up in his back as he coiled to spin himself around. But then Jacob was sinking his teeth into Maberry’s neck, clamping down and then pulling back, tearing off a huge chunk of muscle and stretchy strips of skin.

“ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!”

As it turns out… Maberry was most definitely human. But I could see it in his eyes as Ellie and I held him against Jacob and let our friend rip out his throat: I could see that the man had just realized for the first time in his life that he was not, in fact, anything more than mortal flesh and bone.

I hit the button to resume our elevator ride to the first floor.

Jonathan Maberry gurgled one last time and then…

DING!

… Jacob let him drop.

Ellie and I backed out of the car, backing away from Jacob. His face was completely painted with Maberry’s blood. He came toward us.

“No gun,” Ellie said, patting the pockets of her black tactical vest. “Not even a knife.”

I stood there, staring at Jacob, thinking about what he’d said he’d do if his wife ever turned into a zombie.

“He’s got a… thingy…” I said, gesturing at the ZombAlert necklace around his neck. Maberry’s chokehold had kept it clean and free of vomit.

Quickly, nimbly, Eloise snatched the necklace from Jacob’s neck, snapping the chain. She looked at it and then handed it to me.

On the back I found Jacob’s custom engraving, his last wish if he ever were to be turned. It almost made me laugh and sob, all at the same time.

“Molest me,” I read aloud.

Jacob looked at me with sad eyes even as he came forward, groping for my throat. He moaned. Moaned like someone who had just lost everything that meant anything in the world.

I met his eyes, and, despite his abject plea, I didn’t see anything. No spark.

“Beavis...” I said.

I heard glass shattering behind me, and before I could even turn around, Ellie was beside me with a fire axe. She stepped forward, but I stopped her. Without a word, I took the axe from her. Then I stepped forward as Jacob stepped forward too…

“Uhhh…”

_________

I sat at the bottom of the parking lot stairs, just staring at the two corpses that had fallen out the window: Timothy Long and the coconut-bra castaway. They were hugging even as they lay practically flattened and burst on the pavement.

“Come on, D.L.,” Ellie said. “We can get to the parking garage from here. It’s clear.” She reached out for my hand to help me up.

I shook my head. “Ellie, I heard what you said. During the Permuted panel. What you’d do in the instance of a zombie outbreak. You should go… be with your family on the farm. Protect them. They need you.”

“No,” she said, “no way. I’m not just leaving you here.”

I shook my head. “Well, I can’t leave. I need to… I need to go find the other Permuted guys. Tony Faville, Jason Hornsby… Iain McKinnon. Jacob would want… they weren’t at the table when this all started, and he would want them to be safe too.”

Ellie nodded and considered something for a few seconds. “Then we’ll go get them together,” she said. “And then…”

“And then I can lie down and cry.”

She put a hand on my shoulder. “Maybe we all will. But in the meantime… let’s go save Jacob’s press.”

And so she helped me up, and we went, knowing that neither of us was likely to survive, but knowing that it didn’t matter so long as we died in service to our second family…

Permuted Press.

“God,” I said, “I hope Crypticon 2012 is nothing like this…”

And Ellie said, “Actually... I’ve heard it’s way worse…”

The End! (Until Next Year... Duhn-Duhn-Duhn!)

ZomBcon Breakout - Part 2 of 3

2011-10-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

READ: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

At dinner, the night before the outbreak, editor Felicia A. Tiller-Sullivan had asked Jacob Kier, “What would you do if your wife got turned?”

Jacob looked down at his burger. He was kind of hunched over the table, ready to take a bite.

“Would you be able to…?” She trailed off when she saw the look on his face.

Still staring at his burger, Jacob said, “I would probably just lie down and cry.” Then he took a big old juicy bite, and I laughed.

I laughed until tears were streaming down my face. The laughter was infectious, and Jacob, chuckling, said, “I’m glad my grief amuses you.” The truth is, he was sincere in his answer to Felicia’s question. You could hear it in the way his voice broke.

Now, as I bolted into the ballroom at zomBcon, following the direction of Jacob’s voice, I prayed he was alive.

The ballroom was chaos. Tables were overturned, and zombies and survivors were running everywhere, trampling discarded comic books and crunching over zombie figurines. I glanced around, trying to spot my tall friend. My eye caught somebody in a red-and-white striped sweatshirt and beanie: how was it that Jacob was somehow more difficult to find than Where’s Waldo?

“Beavis!” I cried, hoping he would once more answer to his true name.

Then I heard him, shouting for help.

He was lying on the ground near the Optimystical Studios booth where they sold ZombAlert necklaces, stamped with customized final wishes to let your family know what to do with you in the event that you get turned into a zombie. Stuff like “Shoot Me” or “Kiss Me.” A zombified Super Mario was jumping on Jacob’s head as if Jacob were some sort of Koopa or Goomba he could squash for points, or perhaps extra lives.

I didn’t have a weapon.

Luckily panel moderator Marshall Popham had told me about the Zombie Tools booth, where they sold very long and very sharp blades, and killing instruments of all kinds. I hurried over to their booth, a dark space with a blackened metal roof, some old looking furniture, and a naked zombie bust nailed atop a column of wooden planks, which also served as a display wall for all the different knives.

The blades were all gone.

Every single one.

People had ransacked the entire booth and were using the Zombie Tools to hack their way out of the ballroom. All that was left were some T-shirts that said, “A Fist Full of Fuck Yeah.” I grabbed a bunch and ran toward Super Mario, who was still pouncing on my friend’s head.

“Hey, Mario!” I shouted.

He looked up midair, and I threw a fistful of fuck yeah right into his pale moon of a face.

He landed and stumbled back, caught up in the shirts, pawing at them. I ran and kicked him hard in the chest, and he went reeling. But he quickly recovered, and when the shirts fell away from his face… he snarled and came back running.

“Here!” Jacob said, holding up some sort of machete he’d gotten from Zombie Tools.

I snatched it up and charged headlong toward the classic videogame character. As we met in the middle, I slid like a runner at a ball game and swung the blade as hard as I could. I cut Mario down at the knees and he suddenly shrank.

“Jacob,” I said, running over to help him up and drag him behind a rack of magazines where we’d have a second to regroup.

His glasses were crooked on his face. I straightened them for him. “Are you all right? Were you bitten?”

The first thing Jacob said was, “The other Permuted authors. Are they… ?”

“Well, Timothy Long is... um... Craig DiLouie was still alive last I saw him, and he’s out there fighting the infection tooth and nail. Peter Clines is in denial, and—”

“Yeah, I know about Peter’s power.”

“You mean you knew about his secret identity and you didn’t tell me?”

Jacob looked away.

“I thought we told each other everything.”

“Hey,” he suddenly said, “did you see my necklace?” He held up his ZombAlert necklace from Optimystical Studios.

“Yeah, that’s pretty,” I said, and then I changed the subject; the current one just hurt too much. “I’m not sure where the other Permuted guys are. Hornsby and Faville and McKinnon… I’m not sure. Bowie I’m pretty positive is a dead man. And… you never answered me, are you all right?”

Jacob looked off into the ballroom with a frightened look on his face, like he had just remembered he’d left the stove on at home.

“Ellie,” he said.

“What?”

“She had her own booth, away from the Permuted table.”

Suddenly I understood. Eloise J. Knapp, the very first female Permuted novelist, had gotten a booth inside the ballroom. She was sharing her space with Lyle Perez, the guy from Undead in the Head Book Reviews.

Without another word, Jacob started off in her direction. He was limping badly.

I followed him, and some zombies lurched out at us. I decapitated a few cheerleaders and a few survivalists who hadn’t survived. I knew Eloise dressed in Blackhawk tactical gear, but none of these newly undead survivalists were women—all men.

Jacob rounded the corner to Ellie’s booth first, and I could see his face when he saw what was there. I hurried up and pulled my machete out of the neck of a Boba Fett zombie, then scurried to catch up with Jacob.

“Oh my God,” I said when I saw the remains of Eloise Knapp’s booth.

The banners promoting her first book The Undead Situation still hung there, looking great, and it looked as if she had sold out of books. She still had a few copies of Z Magazine—for zombies, by zombies—but even that had almost sold out.

However, not everything in her booth looked quite as pristine.

A corpse was slouched in one of two chairs. A zombie figurine stuck out of the body’s head where someone had jammed it. It looked as if the little zombie were ripping and climbing its way out of the skull.

“Lyle…” Jacob said. “Lyle Perez.”

“Where’s Ellie?”

We glanced around, but this aisle was almost vacant. We could see survivors screaming past as they ran around the outside perimeter of the room, escaping zombies.

I spotted Carmen Sandiego, just briefly, and then she was gone.

“Where in the world is Ellie?” Jacob said. I could see tears in his eyes now.

For Lyle. For everything.

I tapped him on the shoulder as a zombie caught sight of us and turned up our aisle. “We’ve got to go. Maybe the other Permuted authors have seen her?”

He nodded, and we turned to leave, but then one of the pipe-and-drape walls that separated the aisles toppled, and a horde of zombies came rushing at us: construction workers, Pocahontas, Alice in Wonderland, a few zomBcon volunteers in white shirts.

Jacob and I turned to flee up the aisle, but another group of zombies was closing in on us from that direction as well.

We glanced at each other. I tightened my grip on the machete, knowing I wouldn’t let us go down without taking out at least twice our number in zombies.

The closest one growled. Her eye was covered in some sort of black fabric to make it look as if the eyeball were missing; the surrounding makeup made the socket look like a ragged, bloody hole. I swung out at her, but she caught my arm and pulled me in for a deadly kiss.

BLAM!

BLAM BLAM!

The zombie with the fake missing eye, now truly missing her eye, suddenly fell back, along with a few other walking corpses nearest us.

Eloise J. Knapp, in full Blackhawk tactical gear, strode out from behind another segment of pipe and drape, gun in hand.

BLAM BLAM BLAM!

Before the outbreak, Jacob and I had taken an elevator with Ellie, and she had told us how one time the power had gone out in her town. She had gotten geared up and had grabbed her baseball bat. She thought, if there were zombies out there, she wanted to be there to help put them down. “This is my time,” she had told her family before heading out the door.

Here in the ballroom, where everyone else was running and screaming and being victimized, Eloise Knapp looked totally in her element.

BLAM BLAM BLAM!

She emptied her magazine into the rest of the zombies surrounding us, and then, still striding toward us, she ejected the spent mag and slammed in a new one.

She tossed the gun to Jacob and said, “Cover me.” Then she vaulted over the table into her booth.

“We need to go!” I said. “What are you doing? They’re just boxes!”

She was opening one of the tubs she had brought with her to the convention. I had assumed they were full of supplies like bookmarks and stuff, but then I saw just how big of a badass Ellie truly was.

“Is that a Gatling gun?” I asked.

“A minigun,” she said as she hefted it up onto the table. I saw a ton of other pistols and rifles and shotguns inside, plus a few stacks of various ammos.

“They’re coming,” Jacob said, raising the pistol.

Ellie looked up. Then, as if she’d planned for this, she walked right over, grabbed a stack of Z Magazines, and threw them out into the shambling horde.

The zombies stopped and looked down at the magazines.

Then they looked up at Ellie.

Then they looked at me.

Then at Ellie.

Then at the gun in Jacob’s hand.

Then at his ZombAlert necklace, or maybe his throat.

One of them farted.

And then they all fell to the ground and started fighting over the few issues of Z Magazine.

Ellie looked at us and said, “For zombies, by zombies,” and then she continued to pull out a few weapons from her tub. The last thing she grabbed was a go-bag.

She handed a shotgun to me, plus a bandolier of shells. To Jacob, she gave extra magazines.

“D.L., you’re close quarters—keep them off us. Jacob, you pick off the ones behind, keep them from ever getting to us.”

“And what are you going to do?” Jacob asked.

Ellie picked up the minigun and said, “Why, I’m wholesale crowd control. Now let’s go find the other Permuted authors.”

And then, like it was any other day, Eloise J. Knapp was on the move.

READ PART 3!
Featuring Jonathan Maberry (for real this time), Jacob Kier, Eloise Knapp, and more!

Find out who dies and who… prolongs the inevitable…

ZomBcon Breakout - Part 1 of 3

2011-10-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say zomBcon 2011 went well.

Held in rainy Seattle, the event had all the elements for a successful zombie horror convention: a group of seven fellow Permuted Press authors, plus owner/publisher Jacob Kier; a great volunteer staff who tended to the exhibitors like waiters who deserve big tips; guests like Tom Savini, Judith O’Dea, Sam Trammel, and Norman Reedus from The Walking Dead; tons of people dressed up like walking corpses and zombie survivalists; and of course… cupcakes decorated like brains.

It should have been great.

But the moment I saw the actor who plays Romero’s Big Daddy tending to a cut finger in the men’s restroom… I knew something was wrong.

Earlier, I had been joking with Jacob Kier about the best place to release the zombie virus, if you were some kind of weirdo who wanted to engineer the outbreak. Sure, you could release it at an airport and it would travel all the way around the world, but… wouldn’t it be way cooler to release it at a zombie convention? If you think about it, everyone there’s already disguised as a zombie, right? Like a wolf in wolf’s clothing—obviously fake and zippered wolf’s clothing.

There was one costumed fan in particular, a blonde dressed in a bloody nurse’s uniform, her jaw ripped off and her tongue hanging out far enough to rival Kiss’s lead singer. She was fully in character when she shambled toward the table I was sharing with Permuted authors Craig DiLouie and Peter Clines.

The table was set up in a long hallway right outside the doors to the ballroom, which served as a giant exhibition space for the other vendors of horror comics, frightening sculptures, counterculture T-shirts, and all other kinds of scary wares.

Most people at conventions, when they approach my table, have their eyes fixed on my books. If they make initial eye contact, it’s usually just to say hello, but then their attention goes right back to my covers. This nurse... she didn’t even glance at the cover of DiLouie’s The Infection as she picked up speed, dragging behind her a Land of the Dead poster she’d just gotten signed by the guy who played Big Daddy.

“Hi,” DiLouie said, engaging the nurse like the great salesman and exuberant author he was. “Can I tell you about my work?”

The jawless nurse let out a shrill cry, and Craig suddenly looked very terrified.

The nurse lunged… only to snatch up a copy of The Infection.

“Oh my gosh—oh my gosh!” she said. “Mr. DiLouie, I’m a rabid fan!”

On the other side of Craig, Peter Clines sat down in his chair after having jumped up, ready to tear open his overshirt for some reason, as if to bear the chest of his black tee underneath. He kept an eye on the blond nurse as he continued to sign and sell copies of Ex-Heroes to his fans. If it’s one thing people love, it’s superheroes vs. zombies.

After practically giving DiLouie a five-star review right then and there for The Infection—the kind of review where the reader openly wishes that the rating system allowed for, like, infinity stars—the tongue-wagging nurse went on to ask about his first book, Tooth and Nail. DiLouie forgot all about his own mortality.

“Well, my book asks the question, what happened to the military during the zombie apocalypse? You know, in most zombie books the military is either cannon fodder or… they go insane and ruthless and take rule over everyone around. But in Tooth and Nail they—”

Craig stopped when he spotted a bloody hand reaching from behind the blond nurse, reaching for her mouth. She noticed it a second too late, going cross-eyed as she glanced down at it.

It grabbed her by the fake tongue and yanked her around.

A man dressed like Captain America stood behind her, zombified, his mask ripped, his cheeks and shield bloodied.

The nurse screamed.

The captain opened his mouth, and, groaning, letting gory pieces of someone else’s throat tumble out over his teeth, he moved in for the bite.

“This is not happening, this is not happening,” Peter Clines was saying.

“Peter, what are you doing?!” I shouted as I reached for the three-pound copy of my newest epic thriller, just something to throw at the star-spangled monster. “Get up and help!”

I threw the thriller and scored a headshot, dinging the captain’s eyebrow with the edge of my book’s spine. It opened a gaping wound in his eyebrow, which didn’t bleed.

I groped for anything else I could throw, but came up with a handful of marshmallow eyes we’d been handing out as freebies.

“This is not happening, this is not—”

“Peter!”

Clines turned on me then, ripping open his overshirt to finally reveal the black tee underneath. I was surprised to see an insignia emblazoned on his chest, a big silver stylized “D” in an even bigger silver oval.

I couldn’t believe I had never recognized him before, even without the mask. He was a real-life super hero, like Phoenix Jones. In the Permuted Press panel earlier that weekend, Clines had even said his weapon of choice against zombies was denial. I just hadn’t put two and two together. I hadn’t realized he was talking about...

His superpower.

“This is not happening!” the King of Denial shouted one last time, and the dead captain exploded like some kind of plague bomb, splattering everyone in the vicinity with bits of flesh and gore, and shards of bone that cut into them like shrapnel.

One girl picked the captain’s eyeball off her cheek and stared into its glassy black hole while she screamed.

Then she vomited.

And everyone around her started vomiting too.

Everyone who had been tainted by the captain’s explosion, at least.

They all started vomiting blood.

Clines, realizing his mistake too late, slicked his hair back in shock and disbelief. The real-life superhero sank down in his chair behind the table, slipping into a force field of complete and utter denial.

The blood-splattered zombie fans stopped vomiting and started turning on the rest of the crowd. They moaned. One lunged forward, biting.

Screams erupted. A few of the survivalists, acting on instinct, raised their guns... and threw the useless pieces of plastic at the infected.

“Craig!” I shouted at DiLouie.

He looked at me, and I indicated that we should corral as many healthy fans as we could into Peter Clines’s growing shield of denial.

DiLouie knew instantly what to do. He started tossing out the marshmallow eyeballs as bait.

The infected glanced down at the crinkly packages thrown at their feet.

They looked up at Craig.

Then down again.

Then up.

Then they looked at me.

I looked at them.

They looked at my book.

I told them what it was about.

They seemed interested and I thought I was going to make some sales. But then they all fell to the ground and started clawing for the eyeballs, fighting each other for them, growling.

While DiLouie reached into a box for more eyeballs, I hurdled our table and started helping people over into Clines’s personal bubble. One girl was dressed as a zombie castaway in a coconut bra.

“Are these bites?!” I asked her, pointing out the nasty, realistic looking wounds on her forearm and throat.

“No, I swear!”

I didn’t know what to do.

So I snatched up the fake severed arm that one of the other Permuted authors, Timothy Long, had left sitting on his table next to mine.

Earlier, DiLouie had stuffed the fake arm down his blazer sleeve and had extended the hand to shake with another fellow novelist, Jason Hornsby. Hornsby had gotten quite the shock when he’d ripped off the arm of one of Permuted’s bestselling authors!

I dangled the fake limb in front of the castaway’s face like I was teasing a dog.

She glanced at it.

Then glanced at me.

Then glanced back at the arm again.

Then glanced at my book, but there was no time for a sales pitch.

I launched into one anyway.

“Hey!” Timothy Long—who, for whatever reason, had been standing there the whole time just laughing at everyone getting killed—grabbed his fake arm from me and whopped the female castaway over the head with it.

“Ow!” she said. “What was that for?!”

“Nothing,” I replied as I lifted her over the table into Timothy Long’s capable arms. She hugged him around the neck, and her grass skirt dangled over his powerful, manly guns.

With her secured, I started glancing up and down the long hallway outside the ballroom, trying desperately to spot our publisher and my good friend Jacob Kier. Jacob was tall, about as tall as the guy who played Big Daddy. About as tall as the titular character in that horror movie Jacob. I couldn’t see him.

I formed a megaphone with my hands and shouted his true name: “Beavis! Beavis!”

Nothing.

But then… from deep in the ballroom, where there was nothing but screams and the sound of fighting and things falling down, I heard…

“Butthead?!”

“Beavis!”

I went running after my friend Jacob.

I only looked back once.

Behind me, back at our table, the castaway in Timothy Long’s arms leaned in as if to kiss him on the cheek, but then suddenly she was vomiting in his face and all down his front, and Tim went stumbling backward with her still in his arms, and they both crashed through the big windows of the convention center, and they went tumbling down three stories to the parking lot below while the Seattle rain blew in.

“Tim!” DiLouie screamed… and Peter Clines’s field of denial grew more and more...

READ PART 2!
Featuring Jonathan Maberry, Jacob Kier, Lyle Perez, Eloise Knapp, and more!

Find out who dies and who… prolongs the inevitable…

White Cat Magazine

2011-10-04T12:06:00.001-07:00

THE MARKET

Zine: White Cat Magazine
Editor(s): Charles P. Zaglanis, Ferrel Moore
Pay Rate: 5¢ / word
Response Time: 2 months
Reading Period: quarterly
Description: Online quarterly web magazine, eBook and print publisher.
Submission Guidelines: www.whitecatpublications.com

NOTE: Author D.L. Snell conducted the following interview to give writers a better idea of what the editors of this specific market are seeking; however, most editors are open to ideas outside of the preferences discussed here, as long as they fit the basic submission guidelines.

THE SCOOP
1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?
The short list of authors I enjoy reading would include James Lee Burke, Charlene Harris, Jasper Kent, Lee Childs, Dan Brown, Raymond Khoury, Sheri Priest, David Baldacci and Ramsey Campbell, Kathryn Reich, Janet Evanovich. What do they all have in common? They know how to keep a story moving.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
Mystery and suspense intrigue me when integrated into any genre. For example, it's the mystery and suspense in Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code. It's also the mystery and suspense that flows through Sheri Priest's Boneshaker that I find interesting. Having said that, at White Cat Magazine, we're thrilled to have submissions from all genres save erotica or those involving excessive violence. Anything from westerns to romance, science fiction to mystery and everything in between.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
In short stories, I used to think it was a bit difficult to present exotic locales with the attention to detail they deserve. However, a number of our international contributors have shown me that it is possible to add the elements of exotic locales with a deft touch. Real or fantasy, past, present or future are secondary to the story. If it's a good story, that trumps most anything.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
Particularly for short fiction, pacing is critical to modern readers. So our preference is for fiction that starts strong and continues at a good pace till the end. Of course, it's a bit of a dance with the various types of readers, isn't it? But I think readers of fiction on the web move along more than those settling into a comfortable chair with a three-inch-thick book.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
Dangerous, complex characters are the most interesting to me. When we enter the world of fiction, we go there for a reason, and it isn't to sleep. Complex, unpredictable characters driven by strong desires. Contrasted characters that generate electricity just by being in the same room. Dave Robicheux, the detective from James Lee Burke's stories, is a prime example of an interesting character.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
That's a great question, and the answer is simple--I'd like to see strong voices that clearly exhibit mastery of the storytelling craft combined with an ear for natural dialogue.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
The policy is that most of us get enough swearing in day-to-day life, so I read more attentively those writers who elevate their game. I value my reading time and I enjoy the company of classy people. Combining these two preferences should tell writers that I would prefer stories that satisfy both elements. The same answer would apply to violence and sexual content. Taboos? If it involves violence and sexual content with kids don't bother sending it.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
I've never had an interest in themes at all. I enjoy the concept of deeper meanings and multiple layers of revelation, but most seem a little hokey because focusing on broad social themes distracts the writer from focusing on what's most important--creating an interesting, relevant story. Themes give writing teachers something to lecture about. I have seen more stories wrecked on the rocks of theme creation than perhaps anything else. If what we write comes from our true world view, thematic story elements will evolve in due course as a writer matures.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
Upbeat.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
None other than the standard advice to read the submission guidelines.

Penumbra e-zine

2011-09-05T14:53:00.000-07:00

THE MARKET

Zine: Penumbra
Editor(s): C A Summers
Pay Rate: pro rates, 5¢ a word
Response Time: 2-3 weeks at the moment; will probably change
Reading Period: the 1st through the 10th of each month
Description: Penumbra is a speculative fiction pro-rates paying ezine seeking science fiction, fantasy and horror under 3k.
Submission Guidelines: www.penumbra.musapublishing.com

NOTE: Author D.L. Snell conducted the following interview to give writers a better idea of what the editors of this specific market are seeking; however, most editors are open to ideas outside of the preferences discussed here, as long as they fit the basic submission guidelines.

THE SCOOP
1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?
I like so many authors, it's hard to narrow things down. I'm ensnared by strong character-driven fiction. Right now with modern authors, I like Jacqueline Carey, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Piers Anthony, Gini Koch, Kelly Meding--the list goes on.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
I like speculative fiction of all types. We want to see any story that falls under the speculative fiction umbrella. Right now, I'd really like to see some good steampunk and urban fantasy.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
Well-defined settings, regardless of location or time or genre, are what I look for.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
I prefer stories where the action begins immediately and continues to escalate. I am not a big fan of a world building infodump right at the beginning.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
I like characters that I can immediately 'see'--not because the author describes them, per se, but because the character is so well-drawn that she or he is instantly credible. I think some of the best examples of this can be found in T.H. White's The Once and Future King.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
I'm looking for speculative fiction with a twist--like a horror story that not only scares the heck out of you but makes you laugh at the same time, or a science fiction story that takes you right to your own kitchen.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
Aside from the normal taboos, I appreciate well-written violence, sexual content and vulgarity--but only if it's not gratuitous. These elements must contribute to the establishment of the character(s) and/or forward the progression of the plot.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
I like to be surprised. Right now, we're casting out our nets to see what we can fish in. Speculative fiction has an infinite range of possibilities, so any story that stretches those possibilities further is one I'd be really interested in.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
I don't prefer one over the other. I'd rather see the story finish in a manner that is natural to the flow of the narrative.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
Please follow our submission guidelines exactly, particularly the upper limit of our accepted word count. I won't spend time opening up a manuscript that's eight thousand words long; I'll just reject it. I'm not interested in paranormal romance stories either. If you have a longer piece of short fiction, 4k and up, submit it instead to our parent company, Musa Publishing, at submissions@musapublishing.com. Musa is publishing short stories as standalone e-books.

Apocalypse Hope antho

2011-08-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

THE MARKET

Antho: Apocalypse Hope
Editor(s): Tehani Wessely
Pay Rate: AUD $50.00 per story plus ebook royalties
Response Time: Up to six weeks
Reading Period: Ends September 30, 2011
Description: The world is ending: climate change, natural disaster, war and disease threaten to destroy all we know. Predictions of the future are bleak. But does the apocalypse really mean the end of the world? Is there no hope for a future that follows?
Submission Guidelines: fablecroft.com.au

NOTE: Author D.L. Snell conducted the following interview to give writers a better idea of what the editors of this specific market are seeking; however, most editors are open to ideas outside of the preferences discussed here, as long as they fit the basic submission guidelines.

THE SCOOP
1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?
My favourite authors include Lois McMaster Bujold, Terry Pratchett, Holly Black, Tansy Rayner Roberts, Dirk Flinthart, Robin McKinley, JD Robb, Anne McCaffrey, Leigh/David Eddings, Dean Koontz and so many more it’s impossible to list them. If you know any of these writers, you’ll know that they are diverse in genre and storytelling styles, which probably tells you that my tastes are fairly diverse. A couple of things they all have in common: they write great characters, they tell engaging stories, and they write WELL. Many of them are also known for not shying away from a difficult subject but dealing with it sensitively and cleverly.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
It’s a speculative fiction anthology, and that’s very broad in many ways, as you can tell a fantastic crime story, or a hilarious comedy, or an action adventure mystery, or a romance into a speculative story. Obviously in this case, I’m looking for stories that address both the issue of the end of the/a world as it’s known in conjunction with the hope for a future to come.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
Any of the above!

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
It’s really important to engage me from the beginning, but it doesn’t have to be action to do that. The biggest problem with stories is when nothing happens for a huge part of the story, then it’s resolved in a page.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
I’m not interested in stereotypes. By all means, make your hero a strong independent woman, but make sure she ACTS like one, and give her a real voice. Remember that the very best of characters have stories and backstories – you should know what they are for each of your people, even if we as the readers only find out a fraction of it – it makes them more real.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
I think this particular anthology lends itself to a more somber tone, but that doesn’t mean humour can’t be used – it just has to work with the story.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
I’m not interested in stories that could be considered pedophilic in any way, and I have a fairly sharp register for what that means (ie: if your character is under 16, he or she won’t be having sex with adults – I don’t care about the reason – and probably not with anyone else either). Don’t bother sending erotica – sex is fine if it’s essential to the story, but if the only reason for the story is to write the sex, I’m not interested. I don’t really have any problem with over violence and language as long as it is integral to the story being told.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
Anything that suits the theme!

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
I think some glimmer of hope is needed to fit the theme, but you never know!

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
The theme is “Apocalypse Hope” – a story all about the end of the/a world that has a one-paragraph message of hope tacked on will not work! Hope has to be realistic!

And the apocalypse itself doesn’t have to be happening in the story – it could be long past. And it’s not even necessarily an apocalypse on our own Earth – fantasy worlds have apocalypses too!

A.J. French’s Satyrs antho

2011-07-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

THE MARKET

Antho: A.J. French’s Satyrs (Title TBA)
Publisher: Wicked East Press
Editor(s): A.J. French
Pay Rate: One contributor’s copy, $25 for three editor’s pick, one 5 cents a word payment for a well-known, established writer
Response Time: 1 month
Reading Period: Open until filled
Description: Anthology of stories about satyrs (mythic half-goat/half-man companions of Pan and Dionysus) with an emphasis on horror and dark fantasy
Submission Guidelines: sites.google.com/a/wickedeastpress.com

NOTE: Author D.L. Snell conducted the following interview to give writers a better idea of what the editors of this specific market are seeking; however, most editors are open to ideas outside of the preferences discussed here, as long as they fit the basic submission guidelines.

THE SCOOP
1) What authors do you enjoy, and why does their writing captivate you?
I especially enjoy Gary A. Braunbeck, Richard Matheson, Gene O’Neill, William F. Nolan, Harlan Ellison, Dostoevsky, Borges, Umberto Eco, Jeff Vandermeer, Tanith Lee, T.E.D. Klein, Tim Willocks, Brian McNaughton, and Gene Wolfe, among many others. I like writers who have a command over their prose and write with authority, and who are not afraid to try something original and daring.

2) What are your favorite genres? Which genres would you like to see incorporated into submissions to this market?
My favorite genres are horror and weird tale, although I also like weird fantasy and some high fantasy. I would like to see some erotic horror, humourous horror (subtle humor), dark fantasy, and weird tale in this anthology.

3) What settings most intrigue you? Ordinary or exotic locales? Real or fantasy? Past, present, or future?
Settings are not as important to me as the story. Built-world, real world, past, present, or future, all of it goes.

4) Explain the type of pacing you enjoy, e.g. slow building to fast, fast throughout, etc.
While I do like subtly and quiet horror, the piece has to hook me and keep me reading or else I will lose interest. That doesn’t only mean a “hooker” first sentence, but something that underlies the story throughout and keeps me reading—hooks me.

5) What types of characters appeal to you the most? Any examples?
I like flawed characters the most, but ones that either go down in flames or go down in a blaze of glory—or rise to the heights of Heaven, for that matter—but I don’t like stagnant characters; they must be transformed somehow once the story draws to a close. I had thought it might be a good idea to use the Nameless Narrator from Dostoevsky’s Notes From Underground, only have him be a satyr. That sort of thing appeals to me.

6) Is there a specific tone you'd like to set in your publication? What kind of voices grab you and keep you enthralled? Any examples?
I really want to see a darker edge to these stories. That doesn’t mean they all have to be horror stories, but I want things to stay mostly dark fantasy/horror, with humor and some sex thrown in to spice things up. Voice, on the other hand, is not as important to me, though I do enjoy Ellison, Ligotti, and Poe.

7) What is your policy for vulgarity, violence, and sexual content? Any taboos?
Everything goes. This is a three-ring circus. But please, leave the little kiddies alone.

8) What kind of themes are you seeking most in submissions to this market? In general, what themes interest you?
Dark fantasy and horror stories featuring a satyr as a main character or a character that is integral to the plot. Satyrs are mythical creatures from Greek Mythology that are half human, half goat. They follow Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, ritual madness, and ecstasy. They walk the line between the animalistic urges in us and the human capacity for thought. The human vs. the animal. Satyrs embody the two. Urban satyrs or even just people dressing up as satyrs is of interest to me, as well.

9) Overall, do you prefer downbeat or upbeat endings?
As long as the ending is congruous to the logic of the story, I have no preference as to whether it’s up or down.

10) Any last advice for submitters to this market? Any critical do's or do not's?
Just have fun and send me only your best! I’ll be promoting the hell out of this book once it’s finished, so you’ll want to be sure that your best work is represented.