“Dear Candy: I know this might be a strange question, but I am going crazy. I have a one bedroom condo and I hear my neighbors all the time. The noise is particularly bad at night time, if you get where I’m going. I don’t know what these people do for a living, but well, I’ll just say it: they have sex all night long. And they are not quiet about it. It has gotten so bad that I had to get earplugs and an Ambien prescription just to get some rest. (I think my doctor thinks I’m a drug addict, I was too embarrassed to tell her why I needed the sleeping pills.) Honestly, they never seem to do anything but — and I seriously wonder how they get through the day with so much night-time activity.

A longshot, but I am asking if there are any laws that maybe cover this — noise laws, decency laws, condominium association management, where do I go? A friend told me to pretend it’s Opera but you know, I work and really need my rest. Any help you can provide is appreciated.”

Boy, I need to do some research on this one. Does anyone have any advice for this poor, sleep-starved gentleman? (And why are condo walls so paper-thin?)

Mr. Deion also has that girnormous home on Preston Road in Prosper, on the Collin County tax rolls for $5,410,602. I’d say Deion really loves to dabble in real estate.

Update: Sorry, it’s Wakeboarding I’ve been told and appropriately corrected. As long as it’s not Waterboarding…

I’m off to the gym just thinking about it.

Carolyn specialized in Uptown, downtown and Turtle Creek, but also sold ranch properties or any home. Back when the popular television series “Dallas” was filming here, Carolyn found Patrick Duffey and Larry Hagman homes to rent — catapulting her to “realtor to the stars” fame. She handled the “Dallas” stars real estate transactions and partied with everyone on the set. (Those were the days when Dallas was full of star sightings: Charlene Tilton was in my Gym and Swim class.) Carolyn’s parents were Lebanese and she came to Dallas from a small town in Mississippi — this is from memory, so pardon and correct me if I am wrong — where her beloved parents owned a clothing store called The Hollywood Shop. Beautiful, high quality clothing was displayed and customers were treated like kings and queens, accessorized, coddled. I remember talking with Carolyn about small-town dress shops — in Elgin, Ill. we had “The Boutique” and I can still recall The Boutique’s elegant, wallpapered dressing rooms and the wine, cheese and tea that was served to everyone. We noted that few, if any, of those wonderful little clothing stores exist anymore, just huge department stores, shopping malls and the internet. Both our grandparents had emigrated to the U.S. and come through Ellis Island.

Carolyn was a secretary who decided to become a real estate agent and like most of us, she came to Dallas with no money. When she told her mother she had a job interview, mama sent her a dress from their family store, and she borrowed a friend’s car — a little sporty number. Off she went to see Virginia Cook at Henry S. Miller. There was Carolyn, petite, size 0, voluptuous, packed into the bright red suit her mother had sent for good luck.

I have no doubt there was also some cleavage.

This was probably the late 1970’s. Virginia Cook said, as any honest corporate woman would have said, Carolyn, honey, you need to wear something a little different if you are going to sell real estate in this town. These woman are not going to leave their husbands alone with you for more than half a second! (Then, she added, the car’s got to go, too.)

So Carolyn started her own company. Smart gal, she found a niche selling high rises. (Leave those suburban husbands with the prim and proper agents north of Northwest Highway!) Carolyn loved color, elegance and champagne. In fact, at lunch, she ordered her Perrier water in a champagne glass.

“Honey, if I can’t have the real thing, at least I’m going to pretend it’s the real thing.”

Carolyn was obsessive about her looks, like all of us, and believed that Dallas women took better care of themselves than women anywhere else. If they didn’t, she was nicely helpful. One day a realtor from another firm stopped into see her before her hair appointment — and Carolyn touched her hair — oh dear, she said, not good. A few days later Carolyn dropped by one of those mascara-hair wands (I have yet to get one) that you can use to cover hairline roots in-between touch-ups. Carolyn couldn’t have children, and from what she told me never had any of her own,  but she loved children. Well, not always. There was a time when children drove her nuts, until one day a repairman came up to her condo to fix something and brought his little girl.

“Don’t let her touch anything,” said Carolyn, and you can just imagine what her home was like — all white, pristine perfect. Well, that little girl touched her heart and changed Carolyn’s life dramatically, and she remained close to her, practically adopting her. Carolyn loved dogs ad pampered hers to no end, I think she said she actually remodeled her condo to accommodate the angel. She’d tuck a $10 bill in the pup’s (heavily bejeweled) collar and send her down in the elevator to the doorman for a walk!

Then there was her signature car, the Rolls Royces, and Sheer Dallas, the television series. Oh this woman was all about living life to its fullest!

I’m told she had cancer. But she never let on. Her website says she was born in 1942, but she always urged women to never let on their age. In any case, she was way too young to leave us.

I think Carolyn would be urging us to remember her for the beautiful, kind, energetic, fun spirit that she was. Here’s to champagne and bling and cleavage, lots of cleavage! Carolyn, we will miss you and we are grateful to have had the privilege of knowing you. I know that wherever you are, that place is now far better, prettier, brighter, happier, full of smiles and elegance, just because you are there.

For those of us left behind, feel free to leave your memories of Carolyn Shamis here after you read her “Twenty Four Things To Always Remember”:

Folks, we are back in business!

“Quick question and I figured you’d know.

Do you know what they are filming in that new subdivision on the north side of Forest between Preston and Hillcrest?

There are a ton of trucks and police cars (plus a big sign that says “set”) at that location.  Then in the back parking lot of the Unitarian church, it looks like there is a big staging area with more trucks and trailers.

Just curious if you knew.”

So what’s going to be different? Price? Negative — three Tower II residences sold in January for pretty close to asking,  a total of just under $6 million Crescent gleefully popped into the bank. If folks are buying, that asking cannot be too far off the mark. Plus Ritz buyers aren’t looking for K Mart specials.

“Our demographics,” said Nezworski, “are not driven by major price discounts.”

Ritz demographics value quality, service and the lifestyle, he says; and contrary to urban real estate legends, there is mortgage money out there for condo buyers: twelve Ritz units have sold with buyers able to obtain mortgages.

So no price reductions. The sales office is moving directly into the building. More marketing and advertising? Probably.  More financing options, and some of that marketing will likely be showing you how affordable the Ritz really is – -after all, you don’t have to buy the penthouse that’s still left in shell-state at Tower One. Lots more hand-holding for agents to “enhance the brokerage experience” for agents wanting to sell Ritz Dallas properties? You bet.

FYI: Ritz HOAs are $.77 per square foot, but charged only on interior square footage, not patios or balcony’s.

What today’s move tells me: Crescent is more than serious about selling those remaining 35 units — including the four Regency Row townhomes, which are are pricey with a capital P.  But that’s OK. Allie Beth Allman is our former president’s real estate agent for gosh sakes, and between Allie Beth and Pierce, Kyle Crews, Doris Jacobs, Erin Mathews, David Nichols, Ben Jones, Kari Schlegel, Frank Purcell,  et al, you have the Fort Knox of gold rolodexes (more like i phone contacts) bursting with high net worth names.  I have a feeling those folks are going to find some Ritz buyers mighty fast… faster even than Ritz room service.

But I thought Goss-Michael might want to talk to the landlord about the placement of this for-lease sign.

In New York last month at the venerable Inman Real Estate Connect, the nation’s leading high tech real estate information conference, we were told that Google and Craig’s List are the two biggest real estate advertising mediums in the world; they give small real estate investors a way to compete for less.  I know my son used Craig’s List when he was seeking housing in northern California (and I was terrified). But lately, people are complaining that Craig’s List doesn’t vet their listings well enough and many of the ads are scams trying to lure people into leasing homes or apartments that are not owned by the postulating “landlord” in the hopes that the eager tenant will send off a check. In fact, this has been going on for years and Craig’s List has made Craig Newmark, a former IBM and Bank of America IT expert,  a millionaire.

So you can imagine the surprise of one Briarwood homeowner, whose home is listed FOR SALE with Martha and McKamy Tiner of Dave Perry Miller & Associates, when someone posted her home for lease at $900 per month on Craig’s List. (Copy of the posting after jump.)

“They were listing for lease a home they didn’t even own!” she said — yeah, her home!

The scammers copied Tiner’s real estate ad word for word and even showed four of the 14 photos. The homeowner was terrified someone would show up at her doorstep claiming they had paid to lease the home or worse! Thankfully, a friend alerted her sharp agent, Martha Tiner, to the fake listing when they saw a home in Briarwood for lease for $900 a month — too good to be true! The homeowner notified Craig’s List and the listing was removed by Friday afternoon.

But get this: the same homeowner answered an ad on Craig’s List for another lease property, using a fake email, and look at the response she got: Pastor Chris, Warsaw Poland and “cleanliness is next to Godliness?” !!! Do these people just think we are way enormously stupid???

Good day Applicant,

Thanks for your email and interest in renting my house. I am Karen Colbert, the owner of the house you are making enquiry of. Actually I did reside in the house with my family, my husband and my only daughter before and presently we have moved out due to my official job transfer or posting, whatever you may call it, which has now found me in Warsaw, Poland. Presently my house is still available for rent for $900 USD per month (which includes utilities), though i intended selling it off but on a later thought changed my mind and have decided putting it on rent. More so now, I’m currently in Lagos, Nigeria for an international Christian follower’s crusade taking place at the Nigeria national stadium, by one Pastor Chris of the Christ Embassy Ministry.

I want you to understand that I spent a lot on my property that you have requested to rent, so I will solicit for your absolute maintenance of this house and would want you to treat it as your own because cleanliness they say is next to Godliness. It is not all about the money to be paid on rent or spent; it is all about a good maintenance culture which I want you to adopt on the property. I want you to keep it tidy all the time so that I would be full of smiles whenever I come and above all, a good, strong and tight relationship between us when I come for a check up. Please one more thing, I wouldn’t like to have any benefit of trust in you because I want to stand in your words that the property would be well taken care of all the time.

I believe you have see how lovely it is if from only the pictures you saw in my posting compare to the 100% comfort to be derived from it as an occupant. Please note than you will only be able to drive by the house for now but can’t have a look at the interior until i have sent the keys and documents of the house to you. Reason because, i couldnt find someone trust worthy to drop the keys with as my call down here was so sudden. I do hope you understand.

It has extremely spacious rooms throughout with lots of big windows…nice and light! New neutral paint and some newer carpet. Very quiet, low traffic area. New fridge (7/07)…I believe it’s absolutely a perfect home for you and your family. Utilities include Water, Trash, Sewer, Gas etc.

Please note that, a deposit payment would be required if accepted to have the property rented.

SO IF YOU ARE REALLY INTERESTED I WILL WANT YOU TO FILL THE RENT APPLICATION FORM BELOW.

RENT APPLICATION FORM.

FIRST NAME:__________
MIDDLE NAME:__________
LAST NAME:__________
PROFESSION:__________
PHONE: _______________
(CELL)PHONE__________
(WORK)PHONE__________
(HOME)PHONE__________
ARE YOU MARRIED: __________
KIDS _____ (YES/NO), HOW MANY ________
PRESENT ADDRESS: _____________________
CITY: _______________
STATE:______________
ZIP CODE: ____________
HOW LONG ___________IF RENTING
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING__________
IF THIS HOUSE IS BEING GIVEN TO YOU,HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND STAYING ____________
WHEN DO YOU INTEND MOVING IN ______________
IF YOU HAVE A PET: _________
NAME OF PET: _____________
KIND OF PETS: _____________
HABITS: ___________
DO YOU SMOKE ______________
DO YOU DRINK ______________
DO YOU WORK LATE NIGHT ____
HOW SOON CAN YOU MAKE THE MOVE IN DEPOSIT ($900) REQUIRED: ____________
WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU WISH TO RECEIVE THE KEYS AND DOCUMENTS OF THE HOUSE: _______________

Looking forward to hearing from you with all this details so that I can present it to my family, pray over it (because I consult the Almighty God before making any decision) and if accepted, and then have them stored in my file in case of issuing the receipt for you and contacting you. Await your urgent reply so that we can discuss on how to get the document and the keys to you, please we are giving you all this based on trust and again I will want you to stick to your words, you know that we are very far apart now and only putting everything into God’s hands and hope that you will not let us down.

The house will be available for rent for a period of five and a half years so you have a choice of deciding how long you intend staying there.. Here is my number 011-234-802-736-6566 or +234-011-234-802-736-6566 , I will be expecting to hear from you.

Feel free to call me for more information and arrangements.

God Bless,
Karen

Fake posting for Amherst:

$900 / 3br – This home was updated in 2001 & offers great entertaining
flow!Move In (Dallas TX )

————————————————————————-
——-
Date: 2010-01-28, 8:20AM CST
Reply to: colbertk33@yahoo.com [Errors when replying to ads?]

————————————————————————-
——-

3 br | 2 ba | 1,720 sqft | Apt/Condo/Twnhm

This home was updated in 2001 & offers great entertaining flow. Kitchen
is flexible&opens to living&dining areas. The downstairs master has
ample sized bathroom with separate vanities&storage. The large
landscaped backyard features flagstone patio&BOB privacy fence.
Upstairs includes 2 bdrms & great bath. Other features include hardwood
floors throughout, security cameras, 1st floor utility room, gas cook
top, full sprinklered yard.

Location: 4710 W Amherst Ave, Dallas TX 75209

4710 W Amherst Ave (google map) (yahoo map)
cats are OK – purrr
dogs are OK – wooof
Location: Dallas TX
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests

PostingID: 1574471528

Once again, I ask: why did my property taxes go up in a year when housing values declined?

Do you agree?

But here’s my deal: Monday our property taxes are due. I am not going to open my checkbook to the highest property taxes in the country and watch my City make a ridiculous real estate buy, are you? Tea party, anyone?