He’s been a real chatterbox, which is odd, because he’s normally very quiet.

Yesterday we went to the archery shop an hour away, I took a lesson (my third), he shot for awhile, and then we walked the 3-D course, where I lost 5 arrows and he didn’t lose any. (I’m new, and it’s harder than it looks). I swear he never shut up the entire time. He yaps about his future, weird stuff he thinks about, music, girls, and women. Those subjects are differentiated because when he’s talking about “girls”, it’s his observations and when it’s “women”, he’s looking for advice.

As if I’d have any.

It seems that the “girl” he’s just started dating is a “girl” he’s liked for quite awhile, like, two years. Apparently she acted as if she liked him too, but wouldn’t go out with him, just wanted to be friends. He didn’t get it. Now he realizes that her parents wouldn’t let her have “boyfriends” until she turned 18 - had she told him this, he would have completely understood, instead, he’s been perplexed for two years. His question was this: (paraphrased because it took him 1/2 an hour to get to the point). When a “woman” acts like she likes you, but doesn’t give you any encouragement, are you supposed to back off or does she want you to try harder?

I told him back off. Stalking is rarely appreciated.

His observation is that with most “girls” he knows, and through “girls” his friends have dated, sometimes, a lot of times, they act hard to get. They don’t discourage the boys attention, but they don’t do anything to help ‘em along.

How’s a guy supposed to know the difference.

I kindly asked him, when he figures that out, to let me know.

Warning: In case of rapture, this car will be driverless.

My son started ranting (the apple didn’t fall far from the tree):

Thanks for the warning, asshole. While you’re up in heaven or wherever, your car will probably smash head-on into some unsuspecting Buddhists or something. Maybe some kids. Yeah, nice God you have there, yanking drivers out of vehicles to kill other people. Isn’t there a commandment against that?

He went on a bit more until I told him to “let it go”, but I know he came straight home and blogged about it.

He had a point though.

This has been going around on blogs. I’m still laughing. The sad part, a lot of the comments are probably written by homeschooling parents. On a side note, I’ve been under a rock (apparently) and knew nothing about this “boycott”. In the meantime, I’ve been to a least 3 or 4 different McDonalds, because I’m addicted to their nasty milkshakes, and they’re always packed. I don’t think it’s working.

I finally looked through the last weeks stats. My favorite keyword searches from last week:

scheduling children for the unorganized Doc’s advice. Don’t have any.

birds preschool Oh good lord, now the government wants to send BIRDS to school?

can’t log in homeschool blogger Consider it divine intervention, and move to wordpress

do women like to urinate in front of men watching Yes, they really really do. Honest.

fuck me doc Argh, is it already talk like a pirate day?

organic milk vs inorganic milk Inorganic milk… I bet that person felt dumb after clicking a few links

impotent submissive husbands Is there another kind?

homosexuality is a birth defect Good. Can I get a government check for it?

wives in need of spanking Check craigslist

barn shed whipping beatings I’m all for whipping the shit out of your shed or barn

On a whim, I googled “inorganic milk” and was shocked by the number of entries that list inorganic milk as the possible opposite of organic milk. The above googler probably DIDN’T feel dumb because apparently thousands upon thousands of people can’t define the term “inorganic”.

Scenario: I’m sitting with my ex’s mother, just outside one of the show barns. Our backs are to the open doors. The bad haircut my ex gave me has grown out to a sort of spiky nonsense that occasionally lays down but mostly sticks out all over the place. While I look in the mirror and lie to myself that my hair still has blond “highlights”, it’s for the most part (is 49 prematurely white?) white, either from genetics or chemo. I refuse to trim it because it will just take longer to get to a point where it can be “fixed”.

I hear my ex’s singsong voice greeting yet another of the 94549649646496489 people she knows. I hear her say “There’s my mom”, a pause, and then hysterical laughter. Yes, the visitor had asked “and is that your dad?” meaning me.

Apparently every person on the grounds heard this exchange, because for the rest of the week, I was addressed as “dad”.

Highlights:

Katie - champion showman, champion producing ewe, champion sheep fitting team captain. Did not place well in round robin but had a great time pushing a hog around a pen. Happy that her market ewe lamb sold to someone who would take her home as a breeding ewe.

Jake - placed high in showmanship, got 3.75 a lb for one of his lambs (prices were down), won the county sportsmanship award, a higher honor than showmanship OR round robin. Jake also spent the week courting the girl he’s flirted with every summer for the past 4 - happy to report that they are officially a couple now.

Me - while most of my entries earned blue, some newcomer won the coveted “high point” ag award. I’ll get the bitch next year.

I found myself tearing up whenever “the last” thing happened; the last showmanship, the last fitting contest, the last fair awards, the last corn-dog. Luckily there were many other parents bawling too. The age-group my kids are in were especially close, with 12 kids showing together all 9 years.

Lowlights:

We tent camped. Never again. Not for me at least.

A tragedy in our town occurred, with fair implications - a lovers triangle resulted in an ex 4Her (who’s parents and younger siblings were at fair) being shot at, and the other boy shooting himself in the head in front of the girl they were fighting over. All three are friends of my kids, and I’ve known all three since they were born. Very sad.

One of the county princesses from last year, and a horse 4Her, was killed in an auto accident during the week. There was also a memorial during the week for a long time barn supervisor who passed away a few weeks prior to fair.

It made for a lot of somber kids.

There was more than the usual barn drama - one senior member lost her awards and premiums when it came to light that she was paying the younger members to do her barn duties, which would probably be forgiven had she not blatantly lied and called several of the adults names.

A child who refused to do showmanship pitched a loud wailing fit in front of the public when informed that she could not show her animals in the confirmations classes, thereby earning no premium money. It’s always bad when the public witnesses these horrible loud meltdowns.

I was just happy that for once, the meltdown wasn’t coming from one of my kids.

The weather was okay, not too hot, not too cold, high 80’s. The crowds were huge, probably because people are doing things closer to home. I met a couple of families who homeschool in my area, one with 8 and the other with 6 kids - all “normal” kids - no jumpers or bibles or anything. How refreshing is that?

It was the best of fairs, and the worst in some ways - but I’ve already committed to going back next year. I’m taking my RV though!