Dolberry Cheery Vanilla Blog

Countdown for the Shutdown (#15 - #11)

2013-10-14T17:11:00.003-04:00

Well the good thing about this shutdown is that is has given me plenty of time to finish this.

#15 What this World Needs - Casting Crowns
Being an unabashed Big Country fan, Dolberry has always been fascinated by "one-hit" wonders. What factors have to come together for a band to have one huge song then drop back into obscurity? In some cases it simply appears to be a case in which the stars are aligned just right ... and the song taps into a contemporary but very finite zeitgeist ... and gets propelled into the mainstream. In other cases, it appears that the artist simply had the resources for ONE big statement, one exceptional piece of art that ... through its sheer power .... forces its way into the mainstream. The first class of one-hit wonder is analogous to a virus. Songs like "The Pina Colada Song" and "Mickey" or "The Fox" (now) spread quickly from person to person until they eventually provoke an immune response that eliminates the virus. These songs generally disappear as fast as they emerged, never to be heard from again. The second type may be imperfectly compared to bacteria in that the song itself is an organism with its own functions and characteristics. These songs tend to have a little more staying power and can retain their popularity for long periods (e.g., "In a Big Country" or "99 Luftballoons" or "Take on Me") ... although some of these hits are probably are pathogenic.

Regardless of type ... being a one-hit wonder shouldn't be viewed as failure ... one triumph of this regard is one more then the many who have zero. I love Stuart Adamson's quote about being the 39th ranked "one hit wonder" of all time ... "If we're known for nothing more than just that one song, I'd be pretty happy with that." Anyway, this extended intro is a long-winded way of introducing the #15 song which mentions one hit wonders ...

Sample lyrics: What this world needs is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind / Another two bit politician peddling lies / Another three ring circus society / What this world needs is not another sign waving super saint that's better than you / Another ear pleasing candy man afraid of the truth / Another prophet in an Armani suit

We can't strap ourselves to the gospel because we're slowing it down / Jesus is going to save the world ... maybe the best thing we can do is get out of the way.

This is a pretty seditious song for a band so firmly beloved by K-Love. I'm surprised they weren't lambasted for it. Oh ... after 15 secs of googling ... I found multiple blogs/comments lambasting them for it. Very good, internet, you never let me down. Anyway, if you want to read a blog way better than this one, I point you to this one from a friend considering how the failure of many churches to address the full spectrum of moral issues is pushing young Christians away from the GOP and maybe even away from God. I hope the next 0-20 years of Christiandom will (actually, it's probably already started) feature a pendulum swing back in the direction winning others through Christ-like behavior at the expense of self-defeating (often largely hypocritical) political activity.

#14 Re-Education (Through Labor) - Rise Against
First, great band name. With the possible exception of Rage Against the Machine, here's a band whose name most matches it's style. (Dolberry also would have accepted Five Finger Death Punch.) Second ... like Rise Against ... Dolberry once lived in the Chicago suburbs and can fully understand why they're so angry at the world. The second or third time you have to wear a long-sleeved shirt to a baseball game in late May, you're ready to go Occupy something.

Sample lyrics: We crawl on our knees for you / Under a sky no longer blue / We sweat all day long for you / But we sow seeds to see us through / 'Cause sometimes dreams just don't come true / Look now at what they've done to you.

The title takes its name from the Chinese prison system and the lyrics are written from the POV of a repressed population. Before you jump to the conclusion then that it's about China ... here's what Tim McIlrath (lead singer) has to say about the song: "It's talking a lot about the 9-to-5, dog-eat-dog lifestyle, and what we are asked to do to simply make ends meet nowadays, and I think it's a feeling shared by people all around the world and especially in this country." That seems like a reasonable sentiment. It stands in stark contrast to the video for the song which features people dropping off backpack bombs all over Chicago w/ the final scene showing the Windy City in flames. Err ... you kinda lost me there Rise Against ... even though the prospects of Dolberry never getting another U of Chicago fundraising plea is somewhat tempting.

#13 The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead - XTC
OK, I promise this is the last of the "Christian" songs. The song talks about what it might look like if the Messiah had come to earth somewhere around 1992 instead of somewhere ~ 2-4 BC.

Sample lyrics: Peter Pumpkinhead pulled them all / Emptied churches and shopping malls / Where he spoke, it would raise the roof / Peter Pumpkinhead told the truth / But he made too many enemies of the people who would keep us on our knees ...

Peter Pumpkinhead was too good / Had him nailed to a chunk of wood / He died grinning on live TV / Hanging there he looked a lot like you / And an awful lot like me!

Peter feeds and houses the poor ... gives the religious establishment the holy whatfor ... makes enemies ... preaches a steadfast message of love ... gets slurred and eventually crucified by the religious movement of the day. In the old days it was the Pharisees ... there'd probably be a fight to be first stonethrower in line these days. Despite the depressing theme ... it's at least reassuring to know that some within the Christian church recognize and remind that the goal is to be beholden to Jesus as opposed to pastors, churches, and/or the religious experts who are more about rules then people. That all our gold is no good unless used to benefit others. That any kind of love is all right.

What's that? It was written by an atheist? ... well ... ahh crap.

#12 Rockin at the T-Dance - The Rainmakers
In 1981, a walkway across the atrium of the Hyatt hotel in Kansas City collapsed killing 114 people who'd gathered there for a "tea dance". The subsequent investigation determined that the building architects had communicated poorly with the contractors actually building the skywalk. Everyone was in a hurry to get the job done. Everybody assumed someone else was doing the math (the engineering calculations that determine whether the structure was safe). But somewhere along the way, a design change was made for expediency, nobody checked the weight loads, and the resultant skywalk could barely hold its own weight, let alone that of scores of people watching a dance below.

Sample lyrics: Take a trip with me in 1967 / With Grissom, White, and Chaffee on a rocket ride to heaven / A dead-end date aboard AS-204 / It was American made / Only the best for our boys / And we were rockin' at the T-Dance.

Take a trip with me to Kansas City MO / To the Hyatt House, to the big dance floor / You can still see the ghosts / But you can't see the sense / Why they let the monkey go and blame the monkey wrench.

In the end, there were lawsuits and lost licensures. Additional regulations and quality control steps were instituted. People had to live with the mistakes they'd made. Other people had to live without loved ones. And of course, 114 people lived no more ... all for a mistake that everyone admitted could have been uncovered by a 1st year engineering student. Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. Maybe singing out some of the anger helps.

#11 We Will Rock You / We Are the Champions - Queen
There should be a law that these two songs always have to be played together, like they always were on the radio in the 80's. They work well together ... conveying the truism that any meaningful victory is always associated with some sort of a fight.

Sample lyrics: Buddy you're a boy make a big noise / Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day / You got mud on yo' face / You big disgrace / Kickin' your can all over the place / Singin' we will we will rock you / We will we will rock you.

We are the champions, my friends / And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end / We are the champions / We are the champions / No time for losers / 'Cause we are the champions of the world.

It's going to be a fight to make this world a better place. We're going to have to resist our selfish urges to build ourselves at the expense of others. We're going to have to call out and resist those who sows seeds of doubt, despair, and hate. We're going to have to take some shots and come back stronger. We're going to have to forgive ... even when nursing a grudge feels so right. We're going to have to laser focus on our goal. In the end people of love will rock. In the end people of love will prevail. Though victory may not ultimately look like what we expect.

Countdown for the Shutdown (#20 to #16)

2013-10-04T16:54:00.001-04:00

Ugh. Dolberry was called out on Twitter last night for never finishing countdowns I start. As a face-saving measure now I gotta stick this pointless exercise out. What was Dolberry thinking? Shoulda listened to NC Republican Senator Richard Burr when he said this countdown was the second dumbest thing he'd ever heard of. OK ... where was I?

#20 I'll Stick Around - Foo Fighters
1995 wasn't the best year ever. There was long list of plagues cursing our pale blue dot of a home that year: there was the Great Hanshin earthquake near Kobe Japan ... you had anti-government Tim McVeigh blowing up the Federal building in Oklahoma City ... the OJ Simpson trial was all-consuming ... Windows 95 was released ... Calvin and Hobbes ended. In the midst of all this Dolberry got pneumonia and a side salad of depression (not surprising, in retrospect). So, given all this discord, maybe you can forgive Dave Grohl this agitated screed directed at Courtney Love. Maybe he doesn't need forgiveness ... Love never seemed very likeable.

Sample lyrics: How can it be / I'm the only one who sees / Your rehearsed insanity / I still refused / All the methods you abused / It's alright if you're confused / Let me be.

The song closes w/ Grohl repeatedly yelling "I don't owe you anything!". Good stuff.

#19 God Is Not A Secret - Newsboys
This was the first CD I ever got from a band in the genre of "Christian rock". Got it for my birthday from the Siler City crew and was considerably skeptical (hopefully not rudely so). My previous experience with "Christian music" consisted of Amy Grant (ok), Petra (oof) and Carman (bleagghhgh). I knew the Newsboys were in that genre ... and given that incredibly bland name ... Dolberry was expecting the worst. The problem w/ "Christian rock" back in the day was that it was so tame ... so bland ... so unlike the confrontational God that the music was dedicated to. This probably resulted from many of the groundbreaking artists (like Steve Taylor) constantly having to fend off accusations from conservative pastors that they were merely mouthpieces of Satan w/ their six-six-six strings. There were likely exceptions, but the majority of the genre was pablum. The beautiful KMD suggested we play the gifted CD on the 40 min ride home from Siler City to Apex. Dolberry slumped in his seat. CD starts w/ 10 seconds of promising wah-wah guitary stuff followed by a solid set of power chords then this ...

Sample lyrics: You don't understand / This is not what you think it is / You don't get it, man / You want to boil it down to show biz / Your in-depth research shows / Drop the God, emphasize the beat / I've heard that positive pop you dig / I'd rather be buried in wet concrete.

Holy John Lennon ... an "Christian rock" protest song. I guess what Peter Furler and Steve Taylor (who co-wrote the song) were agitated about were the sales pitches that record labels/agents/producers would sometimes make to successful "Christian bands" suggesting that secular radio riches were on the horizon if they'd just mute the message. Sadly, while this song was really cool, this sentiment was often used to bash other "Christian bands" as sellouts when they'd become popular in the secular scene (even when the message was unmuted). Back in the day on the Relient K message boards you'd have people saying stuff like ... "Your last album referenced Jesus nine times and this one only does 3 times. I hope you enjoy eternal damnation." Anyway ... when it's all said and done ... whether you've kept God a secret or not won't likely won't be judged on what songs you sang.

#18 Come Out and Play - The Offspring
This song is nearly 20 years old and despite having rung out "You Got Keep 'Em Separated" at the right point in the song everytime it has ever come on the radio, Dolberry had no idea what this song was about until APD looked up the lyrics a month or so ago.

Sample lyrics:
Like the latest fashion / Like a spreading disease / The kids are strappin' on their way to the classroom / Getting weapons with the greatest of ease / The gangs stake out their own campus locale / And if they catch you slippin' then it's all over pal / If one guy's colors and the other's don't mix / They're gonna bash it up bash it up bash it up bash it up.

Hey, man you talkin' back to me? / Take him out / You gotta keep 'em separated / Hey, man you disrespecting me? / Take him out / You gotta keep 'em separated

By the time you hear the siren / It's already too late / One goes to the morgue and the other to jail / One guy's wasted and the other's a waste / It goes down the same as the thousands before / No one's getting smarter / No one's learning to score / Your never ending spree of death and violence and hate / Is gonna tie your own rope tie your own rope tie your own

While the Offspring's lead singer and lyricist Dexter Holland (who has an interesting resume for a punk rock singer having earned a Master's degree in molecular biology at USC) was clearly talking about gangs in schools ... the song is a better-than-fair analogy for the state of our Congress ... especially in light of the comments that Indiana Republican Marlin Stutzman made this week on the shutdown. "We’re not going to be disrespected. We have to get something out of this. And I don’t know what that even is.”

I guess ... you got keep 'em separated.

#17 Rain on the Scarecrow - John Cougar Mellencamp

As I've chronicled here before, Dolberry spent the better part of two summers in the mid-80s cruising across southern Indiana in my (well ... El Cueto's) not-that-sporty Datsun 210 putting Oreos on grocery store shelves. Most of the time between stores was spent with the windows rolled down (El Cuerva valued free AC) ... driving from smalltown to smalltown ... gazing at Indiana farmland ... and singing along to JCM tapes in the cassette deck. And while I prefered "The Lonesome Jubilee" to "Scarecrow", there was considerable appeal in the clarion call of Scarecrow's opener.

Sample lyrics: Rain on the scarecrow blood on the plow / This land fed a nation this land made me proud / And son I'm just sorry there's no legacy for you now / Rain on the scarecrow blood on the plow.

I suppose the fight to maintain small family farms in the face of behemoth corporate farms was a battle that was fought and lost. They put on some pretty cool rock shows, but according to Farm Aid's web site ... 83% of the beef slaughtered in the U.S. is now controlled by just four companies (Tyson, Cargill, JBS, and National Beef). And I tried to look up what percentage of the U.S. corn crop is genetically modified but the USDA site is shutdown. Oh right ... This countdown is depressing me. It was supposed to be about anger. I'm not sure Dolberry can stand another 16 songs. Can we at least get ONE where what the protest song was clamoring for finally came to fruition?

#16 Another Brick in the Wall - Pink Floyd

That's what I'm talking about!!! We DIDN'T need all that education they were trying to cram down our throats in the early 80's. Just like Mr. Floyd said. Now we live in a world where it's perfectly acceptable to be one of the 9% of Americans who believe the U.S. has a fleet of black helicopters that will eventually be used in a UN takeover of the country. Who's going to tell you you're wrong? You don't want to believe that CO2 re-radiates IR energy? Who's going to make you!?! Don't believe the studies that show that violent video games increase short-term hostility? Yeah, the researchers were probably biased. All facts (at least the ones that you don't like) are ambiguous and therefore not really worth learning. Plus most facts can be mutated in a pinch anyway ... as long as your motives are pure ... and of course your motives are pure.

Sample lyrics: We don't need no education / We don't need no thought control / No dark sarcasm in the classroom / Teachers leave them kids alone!

Hey ... Father Sans ... leave that Dolberry alone!

Countdown for the shutdown (#25 to #21)

2013-10-03T21:00:00.000-04:00

Welcome back to the countdown. Recall that we are counting down Dolberry's top 25 songs for the government shutdown. These are protest songs whose righteous anger over the brokenness of the world inspires their listeners to attain great heights to right the wrongs identified within (or write blogs posts that ... maybe upwards of 8 people will ever read). The scoring rubric was addressed earlier.

#25 Even a Dog Can Shake Hands - Warren Zevon.
The issue here is one near and dear to Dolberry ... the inflated role of useless middlemen in the life of a successful and humorous rock star. Zevon's sardonic wit is on full display as he highlights the insincerity of agents and miscellaneous talent-less hacks that leech on to a talent and attempt to milk it for every drop their worth. This is why Dolberry doesn't have a book deal!

Sample lyrics: All the worms and the gnomes are having lunch at Le Dome / They're all living off the fat of the land / Everybody's trying to be a friend of mine / Even a dog can shake hands.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure the song (written in the mid-80's) even translates to the modern day. Does any one even shake hands any more? First, it's unsanitary. Second, no one really expects anyone to adhere to any particular agreement anymore. That's why we have a legal system, right? Third, I think people now generally appreciate that dogs are smarter and more useful than people anyway. It's sort of like singing ... even a nuclear physicist can solve the approximate bind energy of a helium nucleus that has a mass defect of 0.0000000000000000000000000000052 kilograms ... except ... you know ... rhyme-ier.

#24 My Country - Midnight Oil
To my recollection ever single Oils song was an angry one: "Beds are Burning", "Blue Sky Mine", "Forgotten Years", "The Dead Heart". Lead singer Peter Garrett was awfully agitated for someone that lived in down under in Oz. What's to get angry about there ... what with the kangaroos and the perpetual shrimp on the barbies? Maybe it was the vegemite or baby-eating-dingos? Dolberry doesn't know. Dolberry gathered most of his knowledge about Austraila from movies and pop music. Actually, I recall the Oils being mad about Australia's treatment of its indigenous people. Sheesh, I have no idea what the Aussies did to theirs but it couldn't have been near as bad as what we did to ours, and we didn't have a whole rock band focusing on it ... and we could have spared a few.

Sample lyrics: I hear you say the truth must take a beating / The flag a camouflage for your deceiving / I know, yes I know / It's written on your soul / I know, we all make mistakes / This is not a case of blurred vision / It's a case of black holes, pocket holes, soul holes / And did I hear you say... my country right or wrong?

The expression "my country, right or wrong" has an fascinating history ... apparently mutating from a rallying cry in the Revolutionary War days to a sarcastic rejoinder in the Vietnam War days. I think the expression hit it's high-water mark in the late 1800s when a senator from Missouri orated from the floor ... "My country right or wrong. If right, to be kept right; and if wrong to be set right." This senator, Carl Schurz, later expounded upon his point in an anti-imperialism speech in Chicago in 1899 ... “I confidently trust that the American people will prove themselves … too wise not to detect the false pride or the dangerous ambitions or the selfish schemes which so often hide themselves under that deceptive cry of mock patriotism: ‘Our country, right or wrong!’ They will not fail to recognize that our dignity, our free institutions and the peace and welfare of this and coming generations of Americans will be secure only as we cling to the watchword of true patriotism: ‘Our country—when right to be kept right; when wrong to be put right.’.

So chanelling the late Senator Schurz and the angry Oils, let Dolberry just say that when ever I see an American flag-filled Fox News backdrop behind their lie-spewing, moron-baiting, Murdoch-puppeteered vacant talking heads ... knowing what that flag really represents ... I want to projectile vomit.

#23 The Spirit of Radio - Rush
Here's another protest song that doesn't really stand the test of time. Sadly, the object of the song's scorn ignored the warning sirens issued by the Hall-of-Fame power trio from the Great White North.

Sample lyrics: All this machinery making modern music can still be open-hearted. / Not so coldly charted / It's really just a question of your honesty, yeah, your honesty / One likes to believe in the freedom of music / But glittering prizes and endless compromises shatter the illusion of integrity.

So ... this will be too complicated to explain to anyone under 40 but the gist of it is that ... back in the dark night that passed as day of 1980 ... you basically had to listen to radio, or buy albums, if you wanted to listen to music. And since radios were at least minimally mobile, they were the place where most people got to hear music. There were no customizable playlists or Pandora or Spotify or any of that. You were beholden to whatever the programming director at the radio station wanted to play. Even if that included that awful Pina Colada song ... which it often did in 1980. And the whole system was corrupt. Record labels would pay PD's to play certain songs over and over and over again. And songwriters started aiming for the lowest common denominators of easily-digestible hooks and trite lyrics. I'm looking at you Captain and Tennille ... (and take off that ridiculous hat!). Rush suggested a better path. Radio didn't listen and got blown away by whatever music listening mechanism showed up next (first MTV, then mixtapes, then illegal downloading, than iTunes, then YouTube, then Lala, and now Pandora/Spotify). And now nobody listens to radio except sad souls who need their daily IV drip of hate from oxycodone-addled blowhards that pander to the basest instincts of humanity (frightened tribalism over sacrificial love). Ironically, if we'd have listened to Rush, we might not have Rush.

#22 Money For Nothing - Dire Straits
This one's confusing. Some two decades before Stephen Colbert's spoof on conservative cable dingbats, we had Dire Straits narrating a wickedly piercing takedown of musicians from the point-of-view of a regular Joe workingman. The story is that Mark Knopfler was in a department store in the mid 80's somewhere in the States (the idea of a rock star hanging out in a Sears is a little hard to grasp) and overheard one of the workers in the electronics department point mutter disgustedly at a TV playing a music video ... "That ain't working. Money for nothing."

Sample lyrics: Now look at them yo-yo's that's the way you do it / You play the guitar on the MTV / That ain't workin' that's the way you do it / Money for nothin' and chicks for free / Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it / Lemme tell ya them guys ain't dumb / Maybe get a blister on your little finger /Maybe get a blister on your thumb.

The confusing part is ... much like when Dolberry watches Colbert ... I'm not sure which opinion I'm supposed to be in agreement with here. When you consider a Miley Cyrus or a Wham! ... it's hard not to agree w/ the department store guy. When you see talents like Mark Knopfler or Sting, it's hard not to marvel at their gifts. Best not to think too much about it ... we're supposed to be angry here ... simply enjoy the rapturous guitar solo that launches this one and the chanty "I want my MTV" Sting falsetto that closes it.

#21 The Nerve - Mutemath
We all knew Dolberry couldn't go 25 songs without plugging one of his personal favorite dark horse bands who's quality far outpaces their recognition. Dolberry himself is surprised he made it to #21 in this countdown without proselytizing. So while you don't get Switchfoot, Big Country, House of Heroes, or Relient K on this countdown, you do get these guys from the Big Easy. (Speaking of N'awlins ... looks like a hurricane may be coming their way ... let me be the first to joke (it's 5:29p on 10/03 ... i'm probably at least in the first 1000 or so to suggest this) that the SHUTDOWN government's response will likely outpace the Katrina response. Obama better do a better job this time around!!!!)

Sample lyrics: Can you believe this world's just a double dealin' joker, gonna stick to his guns? / Can you believe this world's just a television blaring, a million devils at once? / Can you believe this world's just a charmer in disguise with a lavender soul? / Can you believe this world's just exactly as we built it, runnin' out of control? Set it on fire! (x7)

The best lines in the song are the first two ... Can you believe this world has the nerve to insist it won't trade for a better one? Can you believe this world is yelling out in the dark it wants to be left alone? While not identifying themselves as a "Christian band" (whatever that is), Mutemath does mix many Christian allusions into their lyrics. The good news is ... and I believe this as much as I believe that Dusty Baker should be fired (i.e., 150%) ... that Light came into the world and darkness will never overcome it. And that's great ... but you don't have to look too far around (or even into your own soul) to see that it's still pretty damn dim. The question then becomes ... how do we risk reaching our arms out in this dusky world and jointly rescue one another? I don't know but I'm fairly certain it doesn't involve callous indifference to their plight ... misguided marketing efforts to get people to buy our product ... or arguing that football is biblical (what the what Southern Baptists?!?), or devoting energy in attempts to legislatively impose a belief system that is really only meaningful when it is adopted willingly and humbly and then used to sacrificially serve in transforming the world.

20 more to go.

Countdown for the Shutdown (Introduction)

2013-10-03T15:14:00.000-04:00

Yeah ... so Dolberry has some time on his hands.

Enough time to create and present to the world one of Dolberry's famous rock-n-roll countdowns. This one's is the Top 25 rock n' roll songs that are at least mildly cathartic for a sullen Dolberry when played at volume levels that are just below the maximum operating capacity of the human eardrum.

Here's the scoring rubric ... although as always all decisions are Dolberry's and Dolberry's alone and are final and not subject to appeal and are likely inerrant to begin with.

Does the song clearly present an issue of concern (at least to Dolberry)? (40%)
Does the song invoke a previously unfelt desire to locate, then storm some barricades? (30%)
Does the song skillfully skewer the human condition that has led to this issue of concern? (25%)
Does the song scream or at least make you want to scream a significant fraction of the lyrics? (10%)
Is the song from one of those acts that only Dolberry likes and everyone wishes he'd just give it a rest already? (-5%)

Also, only rock and roll songs need apply. Folk songs may appeal to a certain segment of this disaffected population ... but as a short guy w/ an Irish temper ... Dolberry ain't got time for that hippie crap. So Dylan and Lennon and Crosby can take their pathetic acoustic guitars back to the smoking area.

So ... with just a little more ado ... here are the songs that just missed the Top 25 w/ a short synopsis. The actual Top 25 songs will be dripped out over the next few days unless something happens to change Dolberry's mood. Each of the top 25 songs will be accompanied by a touching and inspirational vignette about Dolberry's interactions with the song and some sample lyrics.

Countdown for the Shutdown: Honorable Mentions:

Buckets for Bullet Wounds - House of Heroes ... the way-too-underappreciated quartet from Columbus OH loudly lament the human condition and liken our pitiful response efforts to merely getting buckets to capture the blood pouring from our gaping wounds (alert! countdown foreshadowing!!). Sample lyrics: "There are no doctors ... only victims ... only bloodshed. There are no churches ... only prisons ... only senators. There are no handshakes ... only handguns ... buckets for bullet wounds!" Hells yeah HOH! Would have made the countdown but for the obscurity thing.

Flame of the West - Big Country ... E-bow fueled rant about the hero's welcome many Britons gave Reagan when he visited the UK in the early 80's. Sample lyrics: "He had the voice of an angel and the face of a saint. And though they fell behind him, I knew what it was he meant. His eyes were full of demons as he made the message clear. He strode the world like Caeser and with a trident held his fear." All you young 'Merican isolation Rand Paulites should look you up some Big Country and thank me later. Missed top 25 on account of obscurity. (Yeah, your loss bozos!)

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana ... Classic passive aggressive protest for the flannel-wearing slackers everywhere. Sample lyrics: "Oh well ... whatever ... never mind." Dolberry has rocked out to the crunchy goodness of this song probably 1000+ times in his life but is still not totally sure what he's supposed to be angry about. Does it have something to do w/ antiperspirants? Mr. Cobain, I've marked your song down a bit for its ambiguity. Don't pretend you don't care, slacker. And tuck in your shirt!

Born in the U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen ... Yes I have a rock protest anthem countdown w/o a single Springsteen song in it. Sue me. (Actually, please don't.) This one came close, but ultimately it's been co-opted too many times by politicians who were too lazy to even google "Born in the U.S.A. lyrics" like Dolberry is just about to do. Sample lyrics: "Born down in a dead man's town. The first kick I took was when I hit the ground. End up like a dog that's been beat too much, 'til you spend half your life just a-covering up. Born in the U.S.A.".

What's My Age Again? - blink-182 ... Puerile but all-too-fun complaint from SoCal pop-punk goofballs about how no one likes you when you're 23 and you still act like your in freshman year. Once 23-year old Dolberry hollas "Amen". Oh ... don't click the link and don't look up the lyrics. (Huh huh huh ... Beavis he said 'puerile butt',)

Will the Wolf Survive - Los Lobos ... Dolberry really wanted this song to make the countdown because it would show that he is not only sensitive to the unique struggles that Hispanics face to maintain their identity while being assimilated into America, but that he also has hefty chops for classic and underappreciated 80's songs, but instead I had to put it here to right the ship after that whole Blink incident. Sample lyrics: Standing in the pouring rain. All alone in a world that's changed. Running scared, now forced to hide. In a land where he once stood with pride.

My memories of 2012: Spring training trip

2012-12-16T21:43:00.004-05:00

[Note: This started out as a countdown of Dolberry's favorite days of 2012, but that proved too hard to compile, as there were about 20-25 really great days that were hard to distinguish in terms of their greatness. This trip alone would have probably had 4 of the top 20 days. So it's been converted to a non-countdown compendium of memories of the year.]

Our mostly annual spring training trip is the light at the end of the tunnel for Dolberry when it comes to winter. Winter is about 100 days of dry itchy skin w/ too little time spent outdoors. It's going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark with too much gray in between. Most of all it's too routine. Each day's outcome can be predicted in advance w/ appreciable precision. It is dull, duller, dullest. So, it's nice to have a guiding star that can lead Dolberry (like a modern day Magi) to where he needs to be ... Spring.

This year's trip came with even more anticipation than usual. We'd missed the trip in 2011, plus the Lally family was going to be joining us for part of it. The trip started inauspiciously as we started late after waiting out a really rough baseball game from the Grace Eagles. By the time we got on the road, it was close to 7p and we had reservations in a Savannah hotel for the night. The trip went by relatively fast, because Dolberry was able to spend the first 3-4 hours recounting to APD all the mistakes his team had made in the game. But we got a nice night's sleep and this day doesn't really count against the vacation anyway.

It's so much easier to drive to Orlando in a day when you start from GA rather than NC. We even had time for a lunch detour to a deserted and windswept Flagler Beach to see the ocean for the first time in a long time.

We picked up Gma and Gpa from the airport, met up w/ the Lallys at their Disney hotel and grabbed some dinner at one of the approximately 6,000 restaurants in that part of Orlando. I recall APD's portion of the meal costing something like $30 and involving steak chased by a gooey chocolaty dessert. [Dolberry wonders how this profligate creature could have emanated from tbKMD who I was once able to take on a date for under $4.] Later that night we played our annual putt-putt game. As far as I remember, Dolberry won as usual.

Thursday was Magic Kingdom day. We seem to go to Disney every 10 years: 1992 (honeymoon), 2002 (work trip), and now 2012. Maybe we'll have to go back in 2022 for our 30th anniversary ... assuming the too-expensive-to-travel-with APD is out of the house by then. What a great day. The memories run together in a blur ... getting on the Disney shuttle ... Main Street ... Tomorrowland ... the speedway cars ... tea cups ... Space Mountain w/ APD, Gpa, and PSparky ... a pleasant boat ride ... a calming riverboat ride ... Pirates of the Caribbean ... Splash Mountain ... the Main Street parade ... a fireworks show that was too much for some of our travelling party ... more speedway cars ... and a return shuttle w/ sleeping kids and all-but-sleeping adults. Too much fun.

Friday started w/ some hey-the-water-is-warmer-than-the-air pool time w/ APD and Gpa and an IHOP breakfast where Dolberry had a concoction based on this literary classic. APD had like $12 dollars worth of bacon and pancakes. Then we went to a Spring Training game between the Blue Jays and the Astros in Kissimmee. We were in the first or second row and one of the Jays gave a ball to Ro, leading to my favorite picture from the whole trip.

After the game, it was a tearful goodbye to the Lally's and the drive to Sarasota. We decided to take the back roads to avoid running into any more steakhouses and we got to experience a blinding rainstorm, a super long train, and the feeling of being helplessly lost in the swamplands of west-central Florida. Eventually we got there and had dinner w/ some of the Fitzgerald-Bakers. At that point, I was too tired to care what APD ate. (Sadly, the responsible men and women at MasterCard did care.)

Saturday was more time w/ the F-B's and a beautiful afternoon at the Pirates game in Bradenton followed by an amazing sunset at Siesta Key. Then we got to watch Louisville win the Big East tournament as Peyton Siva and Co., got geared up for their Final Four run.

Sunday always comes too fast on this trip. We headed up to Clearwater for the annual cheesesteak gorging. It's the one foodstuff Dolberry can still outeat his son in. Always great just hanging w/ Gpa and Gma before the long ride home. I think we got home around 3a. I'm still tired.

P.S.

Haters, hooligans, and hoodies

2012-03-28T21:50:00.002-04:00

All of the words in the title of this post start w/ "h". None of the words in the title have anything to do with what I'm going to blog about below.

A cursory check of the internet has informed me that a King Lear once said that "nothing will come from nothing". As far as I know, this statement has divided scholars for centuries. But it has never seemed more relevant to me than right now. Primarily ... duh ... because I just heard of it a few minutes ago when I googled "nothing" in an effort to make a point here. Try to keep up!

Anyway, I am sad for you. I am *literally* sad for all of you who are not Dolberry. And that is all of you. While nothing but nothing has come from your nothingness, something has come from the something that is Dolberry.

What is that something? I am going to tell you. And in doing so, I hope it sparks something in you. Maybe it'll spark everything in you. If that's even possible. Which it isn't.

Before I do that, here's another quote from the King ... just to show you that I have significant and fearsome cut & paste talents.

And, to deal plainly, I fear I am not in my perfect mind.

On to the primary point of the blog post. Spandau Ballet.

Does anyone remember Spandau Ballet? (I mentioned them in the previous sentence, if that helps jog your memory.) They were a British band from the early 80's. This was in the heyday of Dolberry's countdown days and I was a huge fan (figuratively) of the British Invasion bands. I was a fan of truly ridiculous British music. I'm looking at you Thompson "Twins" ... all three of you.

But I never liked Spandau Ballet. They seemed to be pitched as a band that "you should like". I'm not aware of anyone who actually liked them. Their band name has to be one of the snobbiest of all time.

Impromptu countdown of snobbiest band names ever (w/ ~ 1 minute of research):

5 - The Dream Academy

4 - Orchestral Manoeuvers In The Dark

3 - Pet Shop Boys

2 -Spandau Ballet

1 - USA for Africa

Anyway, SB basically had one big hit "True". Sample lyrics:

I bought a ticket to the world,
But now I've come back again.
Why do I find it hard to write the next line?
When I want the truth to be said...

Ehh ... if you say so Spandau Ballet. This song reached #4 on the US charts for no apparent reason ... while truly inspirational songs like "In a Big Country" topped off at #17.

I am but a man. More sinned against than sinning. - Lear

So, if you've watched any of the NCAA tournament this year, you've seen the truly ridiculous car commercial where 4 of the bozoiest looking bozos you've ever seen are all crooning along w/ the car radio's tinny version of "True" w/ the passion of freedom fighters on the verge of toppling a longstanding tyrant. Well ... three of them are singing. One of them (the driver) is turning down the car radio (gasp!) to explain something boring about the car. Then the dude in the backseat, says something like ... "That's Spandau Ballet, man!" as his wife scowls disapprovingly from the shotgun seat.

How's this relate to Dolberry? I'll tell you how. Dolberry is rocking the Twittersphere. Dolberry is actually rocking the entire Twitterdromeda. One of the dozen or so people I follow on Twitter, tweeted this sometime last week:

Joe Posnanski: I guess @king_kaufman has tackled this, but I find myself rooting for a car fire during that "Spandau Ballet" commercial.

Dolberry ... as the expert on 80's music ... responded with:

@Dolberry: How did the only 3 Spandau Ballet fans in the world end up in the same car?#seemsimprobable @JPosnanski @king_kaufman

Then later that day @king_kaufman retweeted my tweet! I got an e-mail informing me of the fact. I had never been re-tweeted before.

I don't really know who @king_kaufman is (seems like a decent enough guy), but he has like 3000 followers ... which is 2995 more followers than I have ... and 2999 more followers than I have that actually know how to use Twitter. (Thanks for hanging in there @opurt11!)

So while you guys have been doing nothing. I have been doing something.

I am not exaggerating

2011-12-19T21:27:00.001-05:00

One blog post back and the same old tired criticism emerges from Dolberry's cadre of cantankerous critics ... "too much pointless alliteration" ... "too negative" ... "too positive" ... "too in between negative and positive" ... et cetera.

The most hurtful criticism is the one that claims Dolberry is prone to hyperbole. If anything, I'm guilty of placidbole when it comes to my recent equivalating of Chicago weekend traffic to childbirth. Here's one of Dolberry's favorite moments from our summer's vacation ... a fat guy running down the Eisenhower Expressway smoking a cigar in the middle of crawling Friday afternoon rush hour traffic.

We left Naperville about 1a that Friday morning and got to Cellular Field in time for the 7th inning stretch.

I'm ready. I'm ready for the laughing gas.

2011-12-14T00:08:00.001-05:00

Dolberry watched the U2 documentary "From the Sky Down" about the making of Achtung Baby last Friday. I think I've recounted this before on the DCV, but the first time I listened to that album was literally one of the most disappointing experiences of my life. Dolberry remembers it like it was yesterday. TbKMD, Lynne our Billiken Friend, and Dolberry were headed from Chicago to St. Louis for the weekend.

It strikes me that this particular drive is sort of a metaphor for life ... getting out of downtown Chicago on a Friday night is a task at least as hard as escaping the birth canal. That traumatic experience is followed by a prolonged period of alternating bursts between going 70 mph and being stone-dead-stopped through the suburbs (ages 1 day to 21 years). Then you get a mind-numbingly long stretch of dull routine where your best hope is to steal small moments of joy at ridiculous Illinois town names before you recidivate into barest minimal consciousness (ages 21 years until retirement). Then there's the really scary part where you go thru East St. Louis and hope you don't get killed (death). Then, finally after all that you get to St. Louis (heaven ... well ... heaven if heaven smells like mashed grain and the sky's kinda slate gray).

Anyway, Dolberry had armed himself for that particular drive by going to a record store (look it up) and buying the latest cassette (look it up) from Bono, Edge, Adam, and Larry. As soon as we hit that part of the drive where you could put it in cruise control ... I took the tape out of its pristine and as-yet-unbroken case (generally cassette tape cases were meticulously designed to break after approximately 2.8 uses on average ... their structural integrity depended upon the sparsest prong of plastic that the record companies could engineer w/ late '80s technology) and loaded in Achtung Baby with an anticipation that rivaled my wedding day ... which technically hadn't happened yet ... and never would've had ... had I acknowledged the above sentiment at any point prior to the aforementioned wedding day.

In the documentary, Bono notes that the band went into the studio smarting from the reaction engendered by their previous album ... "Rattle and Hum" ... which was generally viewed as uncool Americana, pretentious, and "overly earnest". Musically, their strategy was to sample more of the industrial German rock that was prevalent in Europe at the time. Stylistically, they decided that if they were going to be branded as pretentious anyway ... they'd play it to the hilt and thus Bono went ubiquitous w/ the sunglasses, dropped the mullet for sideburns (sniff), and added a few tablespoons of swagger to his already large personality. The theme of the movie is built on one of Bono's quotes about the making of the album ...

"You have to reject one expression of the band, first, before you get to the next expression, and in between you have nothing, you have to risk it all."

So, as the Achtung Baby tape whirrs its first sounds ... an instantly disconcerting discord of noise that sounds like the 2nd shift at an assembly line leading into "Zoo Station".

Bono: "I'm ready. I'm ready for the laughing gas."
Dolberry: What the WHAT?!?

Driving on the flat expanse of I-55, the rest of my Achtung Baby experience went downhill faster than the steepest slopes coming out of Joshua Tree National Park. With the exception of "The Fly", which sounded passably enough like actual rock and roll to warrant another play, the rest of the experience was a Volquezian disaster.

Watching the movie and dodging Bono's fusillade of f-bombs, it dawned that the character sometimes known as Dolberry has become overly earnest ... dull ... and maybe even a little pretentious. More responsibilities at work and church, while welcomed, have shaved a little off the bounce in the step. It took 10 minutes of purposely frivolous thinking to even summon Dolberry to the blogwriting table tonight. How does one balance the need for seriousness ... and wanting to accomplish things of meaning ... with the need to remain joyful in the present or near-present? Is there a secret to enjoying the rural-Illinois stretch of mid-life (short of pharmaceutical cheating)?

In retrospect ... Dolberry superappreciates what a kicktuckus album that Achtung Baby is. Two of the songs would probably find their way into Dolberry's Top 10 of all time ("Until the End of the World", "The Fly"); one of the songs is really good if you're in a sap-tacular mood ("One"); and at least two of them rock out solidly live ("Ultraviolet" and "Even Better than the Real Thing"). Maybe there's a life lesson here. Maybe it's ok to be overly earnest at times while being overtly non-earnest elsewhile? Maybe it's ok if people think you're full of crap at times. Maybe if you embrace it. Maybe if you have the greatest alter-ego in the world, it's ok to let me loose at times.

Stuff fell from the sky that should not have

2011-04-23T21:32:00.005-04:00

So last Saturday, central North Carolina experienced one of its worst tornado outbreaks in known history. Dolberry and crew were thankfully unaffected, but it was pretty amazing to watch on TV.

Knew it was going to be a BIG weather day when the Storm Prediction Center put us in a "high" risk zone ... apparently for the first time since 1984. (Honestly, I had no idea they'd been doing the daily severe risk thing that long.) We'd started our day w/ a run w/ some of the Grace Christian XC team at the surprisingly alpine Lake Johnson and the weather had a decidedly non-severe feel (cool and damp). But by 2p ... after some HeroClix fun in which the guy shown to the right went 0 for 3 games ... it was ominously warm and windy.

By the time we got home, the tornadoparazzi was already at ToRCoN 8 with reports of twisters to the northwest of Durham. Dolberry and APD were glued to the Doppletron 5000 and had our eyes affixed to a cell SW of Apex near Carthage which appeared to be a supercell beginning to hook. Not long afterward, a tornado warning was issued for the storm as it touched down just south of Sanford. Extrapolating the storm's path to the northeast appeared to bring it awfully close to Apex but maybe just to the south.

It got pretty scary as the storm headed closer and the NWS issued a tornado warning w/ the first location listed as being impacted Apex, but as it got closer it became more certain that it was going to go to our south. We had the pillows all ready to get into the interior closet. (We actually went in for about 30 secs when the wind started to gust and the hail reached dime size, but it was a clear false alarm from a panicky Dolberry.)

After the all clear, we exhaled w/ relief and watched the storms ravage areas to our east. WRAL showed the mesocyclone (w/ a rain-wrapped tornado hidden inside) approach downtown Raleigh from the 36th floor of a skyscaper. It's bizarre to be able to watch such devastation on live TV. The Raleigh tornado stayed on the ground an amazing 63 miles ... the longest of the 28 in NC that day. (As large as the outbreak was ... it only had ~ 20% of the tornadoes of April 3rd, 1974 and there were no F4 or F5s.)

The next day was amazing. All through Apex/Cary, including our backyard, there were damp gobs of yellow insulation scattered around ... presumably from ripped up roofs and buildings upwind. At my softball game, there was a pizza-box-sized piece of jagged roof w/ a curved nail in it. Who knows how far that thing was thrown? We drove across the tornado path on Tuesday to get to softball in south Cary. Storm was only a F0 at that point, but there were several roofs damaged and many large branches down.

The videos of the storms were plentiful and impressive. One very cool one was from a 12 year old from Apex from his iPhone on I-95 heading down to FL. The most hysterical tornado video of all time was shot near Wilson NC. I have links to both on the right. Both camera operators had no clue how strong a tornado is ... and were pretty amazed when the thing ultimately bore in on them. Amazing that they both survived, but maybe that's a nice way to approach the storms that affect all of us in life. They're just twistin'.

Dolberry profiling

2010-05-17T21:53:00.000-04:00

So a few weeks back … my boss encouraged me and two others in my group to take a class being offered here at EPA called “Stepping up to Supervision”. It got off to an embarrassing start because Dolberry assumed it was a step aerobics class from the Fitness Center… so he reported to the gym that first morning … then had to be directed to a conference room … entering to a room full of laughs … as if people have never seen a grown man rock the green leotard look at work before. Oh well …
Turns out it was a class designed to help staff-level EPA drones to consider what “steps” they need to take to be ready for “supervision”. Thus the name … which does make some sense in hindsight. Since Dolberry is 0 for 2 in his applications for EPA supervisory positions, I decided to stick around … though I could probably could have used the exercise more … and after a while the leotards started bunching up w/ all the sitting.

One of the main elements of the class was the PROFILOR Feedback Report where one is anonymously rated over a series of questions by one’s boss and select peers. Out of 150+ skills deemed important in the workplace, here were Dolberry’s top 10. (Countdown! Hooray!!)

10 - Efficiently prepares written materials (glad they didn’t poll DCV readers re: efficiency)
9 - Prepares reports thoroughly and completely
8 - Gets the job done
7 - Gets work done on time
6 - Is an effective contributor
5 - Accomplishes a great deal
4 - Behaves in accordance w/ professional standards
3 - Delivers well-prepared presentations
2 - Contributes fair share of effort to team’s work
1 - Treats people w/ respect

And my bottom 10 (1 is what I was lowest rated for)

10 – Candidly provides others constructive feedback when appropriate
9 – Anticipates problems and develops contingency plans
8 – Stimulates creative thinking in others
7 – Analyzes problems from different points of view
6 – Uses formal channels in organization to get things done
5 – Is assertive
4 – Influences and shapes the decisions of others
3 – Knows when to stand firm and when to compromise
2 – Monitors progress of others and redirects as appropriate
1 – Clarifies roles & responsibilities w/ team members

Anyway, I’m trying to be more assertive while maintaining Dolberry’s nice guy persona. Some people are very effective at this … so my plan is to simply mimic them. My problem is I tend to take it too personally when my opinions are not valued … or when other people have better solutions/ideas. If anyone has any suggestions as to how they deal w/ being confidently assertive at work w/o coming across as a jerk and accepting when one’s advice isn’t taken … I’m open to ideas.

Fumbling our confidence

2010-04-21T22:43:00.004-04:00

One of the big news stories at the beginning of the week was how the American people's confidence in the American government was at an all-time low. Guess the political gridlock and hyperpartisanship have left many feeling that our best days as a nation may be in the past. Who knows? Did find it interesting that this story didn't get as much play ...

U.S. government's confidence in American people is at an all time low:

The White House announced today, on behalf of all three branches of the U.S. government, that the country's managers had less confidence in the American people than at any other time in the nation's existence. Only 23% of the government indicated that they had "considerable" or "some" confidence in the people for whom they are responsible. 16% of those surveyed within the government said that they thought the American populace, as a whole, were "dumber than dirt". Typical among those voting in that category was Congressman Boone V. McMoneybags (D-NJ) who said his last shreds of faith in the American people were torn this past election when he ran a commercial portraying his opponent as an closet orphanage arsonist ... and saw his polling deficit of 7 points turn into a resounding Election Night victory. "When my advisers approached me with that one, I laughed 'em out of the office. But boy was I wrong. Voters aren't as discriminating as they once were. Thank goodness." Senator Jimmy Dan Oilwell (R-TX) agreed. "I thought I'd catch at least some flak for voting to allow mountain top blasting in Rocky Mountain National Park. Hell, even I didn't feel good about it. But thankfully the vote was on the same night that they eliminated that lady w/ 12 kids from the dancing show. Page 8, pardner. Page 8."

Hey, for Earth Week (the Earth is too important to be relegated to a single day's celebration at EPA), I ran in the EPA Fun Run 5K Race for the Earth and Rabies Awareness this morning. I trained for this by not running at all for two months and eating butter-covered waffles for breakfast. Dolberry didn't think he could actually run 5 straight K's w/o walking but it turns out I can. I even sprinted in to beat this person I work with ... I've found that it's always good to bring the full bore effort to everyone else's Fun Run. Dolberry only has one speed ... all out baby! It was my slowest 5K time ever (29 min) but I'm pretty sure I won the old fat guy division.

I had to beg my way on to the bus w/ only my good looks earlier this week ... having left my wallet at home. Took some work but I got on ... though still a little sore from grasping the back bumper so tightly.

Ha ... despite my own attempts to jinx myself, I got another 3 hits last night. Five straight games. I'm really beginning to believe that softball is a lot easier than I've been making it out to be all these years.

Have a great Thursday everyone. Remember we were meant to live.

Midtown 55

2010-04-18T22:59:00.001-04:00

Ha. After disparaging my mad softball skillz last post, this week I went on a hitting spree of unprecedented (for me) dimensions. To wit:

Tues: 3 for 4 (won this one against a team who'd beaten us like 8 in a row)
Thurs: 3 for 4 (beat an unbeaten team of young punks who cried like girls all game)
Fri: 3 for 4 (we lost this one 18-17 on a 2-out walkoff grand slam)
Sun: 3 for 3 (we got rocked)

I was on deck when the game ended today and have to admit I was ok w/ the person before me making the last out. (We were down 17-8.) I can recognize a pattern when I see it ... and was ok w/o the 4th AB. Anyway, that's a cool .800 on the week. All but one of the hits were singles though. The one time I tried to go deep, I hit a line drive right to 1B. So now I've jinxed myself for this week ...

Other kinda fun thing in the week. Got to (thru church) volunteer for a Apex town advisory committee assigned to develop a plan for improving a stretch of the town along Highway 55. We're called the Midtown 55 committee. Dolberry kept his mouth shut for the most part, but the conversation was good. Heading in a direction that will lead to a more aesthetically pleasing, ped-friendly stretch of town (w/ bike lines). No exploding chemical plants or sheep house/farms were proposed, so I think we're on the right track. Will see what happens.

APD & I had fun on Saturday morning playing HeroClix w/ the new Brave and the Bold set. Dolberry won his second straight tournament (I think they let me win) w/ an all Justice League of America team of: Green Lantern, the Flash, Batman, Green Arrow, the Atom, and Hawkman. Then Saturday night, tbKMD and I went to a fun party of a cool couple we know who were turning 100 (combined). Our date was delayed while tbKMD trapped an opposum? She mentioned something about the burgoo for our upcoming KY Derby party but I convinced her to give the little critter a second chance. I've never had a date w/ anyone who smelled like opposum before and Dolberry grew up in Kentucky!

Have a great week everyone.

The transmissions will resume ...

2010-04-12T20:54:00.000-04:00

To say the least, my writing discipline has been lacking lately. All is well in Dolberry land. Busy times. This week alone Alex has three games and I have four. There's a town meeting to attend (more later) and a 50th birthday party and a Heroclix tournament and 5 days of work.

With Duke's win, tbKMD narrowly won the 2010 DCV bracket. Dolberry has told her he owes her a pizza.

Softball's rolling. Teams are 4-2 and 1-1. Dolberry's playing pretty average as usual. I always vow that this is the year that I'm going to be really good. But every year I tend to be very average.

APD's team is 2-7, but he's been having fun, playing well, and having a good attitude. All of which are way more important than the record.

We had a great time on our Spring Training trip (more later).

Two fantasy baseball teams and one simulation league team are all off to decent starts.

Work has been a little slow this past month. Everyone else seems very busy ... so it's somewhat unsettling for my days to have been relatively calm. Maybe it all evens out over time.

The church youth group had a great yard sale last Saturday. Lots of prep work, but all worth it in the end. Raised ~ $1400 for our trip to Columbus conference this summer. After two straight days on my feet and three games in four days, though Dolberry had some sore doggies by Sunday night. Fell asleep during Masters back nine.

Speaking of golf, I won the putting tournament at the Grace Christian golf event. Anyone who's ever seen Dolberry putt can appreciate how flukey that was. I got a birdie two on one hole (the first of the day), but stunk it up after that ... until putting tournament.

Anyway, hope everyone else is doing supermassively fantabulous ... or better.

DCV bracket challenge

2010-03-17T11:12:00.002-04:00

Get in the action now:

http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/en/group?groupID=123686

Group: Dolberry Cheery Vanilla

Password: cheesesteak

Forever February

2010-02-28T22:16:00.003-05:00

Glad February is over. With no apologies to Randy Newman (not after he made my life a nightmare for the better part of two months in 6th grade ...)

Short months got no reason
Short months got no reason
Short months got no reason
To be

They got long nights
And too much sleet
With their biting wind
And their dark gray skies

Well, I don't want no short months
Don't want no short months
Don't want no short months
Round here

They got lousy wind chills
And sometimes snow
You've got to stay inside
Just to stay so-so

Well, I don't want no short months

Don't want no short months
Don't want no short months
Round here

They got lousy sports
Unlike spring, summer, fall
No cool thunderstorms
And worst NO softball ...

Don't want no short months!
Don't want no short months!!
Don't want no short months!!!
'Round here.

That was mildly therapeutic. Suppose it's already been sufficiently documented that Dolberry detests the period roughly between the last out of the World Series to pulling into the parking lot for the first softball practice of the year. Shortening that period of the year is about 70% of why we left Chicago so many years ago and will probably be 100% of the reason we buy a winter home in the Southern Hemisphere when my Guitar Hero winnings arrive.

The last month is always the hardest. There've been a lot of good things over this month (part of a great group that raised ~ 2K for hungry people, got to spend a day teaching 7th graders about hurricanes at APD's school, the and Billikens got on a rare hot stretch) ... but too much time indoors weights a soul after a while.

So there were some tough things about the month as well ...W/o my softball outlet for competition, I tend to apply those pent up energies at work ... which never goes well. This February, Dolberry sent a stingingly critical e-mail to my boss' boss over a perceived budget slight (it eventually got patched over) and I had one of those panic attacks where I thought Dolberry was dying (whoops ... turned out to be a muscle pull). I do think I'll be maybe the only person in the history of human existence whose last thought on the Earth will be a smug ... "HA! I knew it!" So I got that going for me ... which of course ... is nice.

So, as you can clearly see Dolberry was in no shape for blogging. First softball practice is next Sunday. I'll be out there even if it's 37 and raining.

Another historic performance from the Billikens! (& some UL thoughts)

2010-01-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

When you already have the record for fewest points in a D-1 game, what can you do when you want to raise the bar for offensive ineptitude? Go through an entire game scoring only two pointers.

A few weeks back, a great analytical basketball blogger (Ken Pomeroy) concluded that it was impossible for a team to go a whole game w/o making a 3-pointer or a free throw. He reached this conclusion soundly based on the following five facts:

1) The odds of not making a 3-pointer in a game: 100 to 1.

2) The odds of not making a single free throw in a game: 500 to 1.

3) If those were independent events, the odds of doing both in a game would be 50,000 to 1 (at this likelihood the feat would occur about once every 10 seasons). The odds of throwing a perfect game in baseball are about 20,000 to 1.

4) But teams that score only two at a time tend to fall behind ... way behind ... and launch more threes. The more you shoot 'em, the more likely you'll make at least one ... and miss out on the two-at-a-time feat. So, the odds are likely higher than 50,000 to 1.

5) In fact, over the past 5 years, no team had even gone 30 minutes into a game (i.e., 75%) w/o making a non-two pointer.

Against Richmond today, the glorious Billikens were 0-10 from the arc & 0-3 from the stripe. That's what I'm talking about! Nobody can not score like the Bills. Oh yeah. We lost 62-36 to a team we beat three weeks earlier.

- - -

My other basketball team has a different problem. They can score. They can defend. They can block shots and even hit free throws most of the time. According the ratings systems that work, they are one of the top 40 teams in the country. They have a major problem, though. They are cursed.

If the ball goes out of bounds off an opponent ... right in front of the ref ... it will be called out on Louisville.

If a Louisville player gets elbowed while laying defenseless on the floor, the Cards will get two technicals to the other teams one.

If a Louisville opponent wanders onto the court while inbounding a ball, they will be given a do-over because of a procedural error.

If our coach is a scumbag, he will get extorted and undergo a scandal of near-biblical proportions.

If our biggest rival's coach is a scumbag, NBA first rounders will drop out of the sky to play at that school and they will become an odds-on favorite to win the title.

Frankly, there's some serious bad karma aligned against the Cards at this point. I'll keep watching and cheering, but I'm going into watching each game w/ the attitude ... how is this one going to be lost?

- - -

On the bright side ... pitchers and catchers report in less than three weeks.
- - -

After

2010-01-30T15:59:00.002-05:00

Think we got around 4.5" here. Probably at least an inch of it was sleet / ice pellets. Did all the usual fun wintry stuff. Headed over to Apex HS for the sledding. Small but speedy hill that features a little curb at the bottom, for some X-games style "big" air. Big in this case is measured in millimeters.

Snow off to a fast start

2010-01-29T20:41:00.000-05:00

Nearly an inch already and it wasn't even supposed to start as of yet. It is the rare Triangle snowstorm that comes in early. Got some snow football under the lights in. Nice!

Temperature dropped 5 degrees in the last two hours at our house as the snow fell through the dry air via evaporative cooling. It's a beautiful snowy evening in Apex.

Before ...

2010-01-29T16:27:00.002-05:00

Positivity power!

2010-01-28T20:31:00.004-05:00

Looks pretty good here for a snow/sleet event Saturday morning. If it stayed all snow, we'd be looking at something upwards of a foot. However, it looks like we'll get more of those compact ice pellets than we'll get nice fluffy snowflakes. As long as it's not freezing rain, Dolberry will be happy. Actually, I'll be fine if it freezing rains as well ... as long as a tree doesn't come through our roof.

Which sort of leads into the main theme of this evening's post. My boss gave everyone in our group the book "Strengths Finder 2.0" and an online code to take the StrengthsFindertron 5000 assessment. After answering 170-some questions, Dolberry was diagnosed as having the following five strengths (everyone gets five ... it's like tee ball trophies) out of the 34 they test for:

1) Positivity
2) Developer
3) Harmony
4) Empathy
5) Maximizer

I agree on 1-3, less sure about numbers 4 and 5.

Someone with the strength of positivity is described as one who "can't quite escape the conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, and that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one's sense of humor". That's what I aspire to be anyway. Think I hit it most of the time even if I have to revert to an alter ego to get it done sometimes. "Live without a care. What could possibly go wrong?"

A developer is described as one who gets his/her deepest satisfaction from helping others reach their potential. Harmony was characterized as one whose view is ... "We are all in the same boat. We need this boat to get where we are going. It's a good boat. There is no need to rock it just to show you can." Preach it Harmony!

Career recommendation for someone of Dolberry's strengths ... teacher. Not surprised.

They don't tell you your worst strengths (w/o way more money). Their basic theory is you are better off selecting a career that will play to your strengths rather than trying to improve your weaknessess. I'm going to guess my bottom five (hooray a countdown!):

30) Woo (the ability to convince others ... boo hoo i don't have woo, how about you).

31) Connectedness (some sort of "life force" thing ... didn't understand it .. so doubt I have it)

32) Command (people who take charge ... I can take charge but find it draining ... interferes w/ harmony)

33) Restorative (people who like to solve problems ... Dolberry no like problems)

34) Futuristic (people who spend a lot of time planning a better future ... hey, i'm off tomorrow ... going on an afternoon date w/ tbKMD, it may snow after that ... softball is not that far away ... cheesesteaks are on the horizon ... that's a good enough future for now)

Anybody else out there ever done this? If so, what were your strengths?

Starting tomorrow ... Dolberry is a POAT ... can you bleat it?

2010-01-21T23:02:00.005-05:00

No, I cannot believe it.

POAT = parent of a teenager Should this make me feel old? It doesn't really. Dolberry will always stay in the shallow end of the pool. I generally adhere to the philosophy that you are never younger than you are at this very moment. And anyway, worying about it won't subtract a single moment from APD's life ...

Dolberry's position on APD is well-established, but I'll say it again. I think you are simply awesome. I love your steadfastness ... your tendency toward whimsy ... everything about you that echoes your beautiful mom reverberated through a new but equally rocking song ... everything about you where I see the DNA of your grandparents ... your tenacity and dedication and honesty and genuineness and carefree spirit and loving nature. And a million other things, but you get the point. You can't win a 5K in the first quarter mile, but there's something to be said for getting off to a good start. Keep it up.

But back to the point (me! of course) ... I remember thinking and saying, in those pre-APD days, that I thought Dolberry would be a good dad for any kid that was beyond potty training but not yet a teenager. Felt pretty good about the sweet spot years where all that would be needed was two cups firm hand with a tablespoon of goofball antics (or was it the other way around). But I remember being surprised by those first three years ... there was incalculable joy in rocking YOU to sleep ... and watching YOU crawl ... and hearing YOU babble that dukita...dukita...dukita chant. What I fundamentally miscalculated was that there can be a real relationship between a dad and a newborn ... when that newborn was YOU. I now suspect the same will be true for the teenage years ... maybe it won't be the exact same as it was ... and it'd be wrong if it was ... but there'll be a meaningful amazing relationship just the same.

I further suspect that the next six years will probably go by twice as fast as those first three did. Just know that you continue to grow and become who you are (it happens once in a lifetime) ... your mom and dad have your back every step of the way.

Diet XXVII

2010-01-19T23:00:00.004-05:00

There's nothing more boring then hearing about someone else's attempt to reduce their caloric intake.

(Not even seeing approximately every square ~~foot~~ meter of Scandinavia from at least three different camera angles. Six camera angles if it that square meter contained a statue of some sort.)

However, when you add a chart to the discussion about calories and fitness and weight goals ... well ... it's a totally different story. Then you add the +50 that comes w/ anything associated w/ Dolberry the whole subject becomes eminently bloggable.

Here's a graph of my net calories (intake - burned) over the past week, courtesy of my iPodian assistant and livestrong.com.

As you can see (left), I've done well this week. I've been doing good basically since the 2nd. Have lost maybe 2-4 pounds so far. Can run 2 miles w/o stopping and can swim 1600 yds in a session.

If the past is any indication ... and it is ... Dolberry will do very well through March then blow away 9 weeks of dieting in a frenzied Cheesesteak rampage in Clearwater. Heard a friend quote Kate Moss having said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Ms. Moss obviously has never had a cheesesteak.

Look ... my only other blog ideas for tonight were thoughts I had while finishing taxes ... or more on tennis Open. Be thankful you got off this easy.

Just plain "Up"

2010-01-18T20:21:00.002-05:00

Really nice 4-day furlough is wrapping up. Back on the chain gang tomorrow.

(Hey! I just learned something. Tony Butler, bass player for Big Country, played bass on that big Pretenders single linked above. Dolberry remembers really resenting that single as it outraced "In a Big Country" on the U.S. charts in early 1983. It's not a bad song, but I hated it at the time.)

((Speaking of "In a Big Country", which I did not start this blog intending to do ... Spinner magazine lists that song as #7 all time in best gibberish lyrics. Specifically, the "SHA!" or "CHA!" exclamation that abounds throughout that Spartan classic. I don't see the Pretenders on that list."))

(((Went ahead and added video of IABC on the DCV sidebar, since I'm pretty much done tweeting. You younger DCV readers would do well to watch it a few times and rue that you didn't live in the unadulterated glory of the mid/early 80's.)))

But I digress ...

Watched "Up" last night w/ the Youth Group. (Thanks to C-Lo for the APD gift. Watched w/ a crowd of nearly 20 which was cool.) The theme of that excellent movie, near as Dolberry can tell, is how a life can be happily and substantially meaningful filled w/ "the boring stuff", the basic day-to-day stuff that makes up life. Until the end, the protagonist unfortunately views his life as incomplete, because there was big "Stuff I'm Going To Do!" that hadn't been done. Dolberry agrees w/ the movie's moral ... at least as I understood it ... but there are two big things that I want to do w/ tbKMD before we move on from this life:

1) Hike the Appalachian Trail
2) Go to Australia and watch the Australian Open.

Am in no rush to age 25 years and retire, but this time of year always makes me think of the Australia idea. The AO is, by far, my favorite tennis tournament of the year. Mostly because the games are shown late at night here in the U.S. But also the surface seems fairer than that of the French or Wimbledon ... and the players seem fresher than by the time the U.S. Open rolls around. Anyway, I'm cheering for both #4 seeds Caroline Wozniacki and Juan Martin del Potro.

I promise that will be the last tennis-related post of 2010.

Up in the Air

2010-01-16T23:00:00.000-05:00

Off Friday kicks off a 4-day weekend. Did some b-day shopping for APD and then caught the third flick in our stretched-out-over-a-couple-of-months George Clooney Film Festival: Up in the Air. This one was much better than The Men Who Stare at Goats (ok) or Fantastic Mr. Fox (pretty good). Was one of those rare films where you wished it would just keep going.

There were lots of interesting themes crammed into 96 minutes (e.g., career vs. family, the value of loyalty, getting older), but the coolest theme in Dolberry's opinion was the running discussion about the value of relationships and the subtheme conflict between technology and humanity. Won't give away the whole movie, but Clooney's character believes human relationships are nothing more than baggage to be lugged clumsily around life. When his company essentially adopts the same line of thinking and attempts to replace the human element of his job (firing people) with a impersonal technological surrogate, he experiences a series of events that causes him to reconsider his perspective. Very cool how that played out.

(Another cool thing about the movie was that it took place mostly in the Midwest in places like Omaha, St. Louis, Chicago, and northern Wisconsin. There was even a subtle reference to Louisville, though it was a dig at the Derby City (or at least Standiford Field, SDF).)

The word "relational" seems to be one of the buzz words of the 21st century ... e.g., life is "relational". Not exactly sure what that means ... but do appreciate the relationships I have w/ all you guys ... so thanks! And go see this one, if you haven't already (oh yeah ... and your over 17).

Oh Gravity ...

2010-01-15T00:13:00.002-05:00

You think strange things when you run late at night ... about gravity and Newton and apples and gardens and why Haiti is still like it is and how it can be hard to be a middle schooler building a character that is suited for a halo in a world more interested in playing Halo and why we put more energy into making what we do look better, or sound better, as opposed to putting that energy into making what we do better ...

Eventually the endorphins kick in and you realize it's not that bad ... and that all the little things we do for the good add up. And before you know it, your two miles are up, and it's time to go to bed, and to prepare for another day, perhaps tomorrow will be the day we beat gravity and fly.