DonnaDaritan.com

15 Years Ago, Today, What Do You Remember? I Remember ....

2013-05-07T15:12:00.002+08:00

I didn't realize what the date is today until I saw whose birthday it is on Facebook, one dear hometown friend of mine. This date brings me back to 15 years ago and I choose to relive it once in a while as a great reminder because that one event has changed my life.

7 May 1998, it was a Thursday. I remember vividly sitting inside the classroom, trying to finish my final paper for the national exam - Chemistry, hate it with my entire life. Our exam was supposed to end at 9.30AM but at 9AM the principal of the school came into my class and asked us to finish our paper instantly. We had to leave the school compound asap.

It was the year of Asian Financial Crisis, however in Indonesia, a racial tension was also brewing. My principal told us that there was a bunch of rioters attacking the suburbs and the next destination would be to the houses on the main road. My house is on the main road.

We packed up. We called our school bus. I was home around 10AM. Then there was the calm before the storm. The road was pretty empty. Everybody seemed to be just ... waiting. Around 10.45AM, I started to hear noises from few houses down the road. Yeah, they arrived. Shouting in ecstasy. I couldn't figure out what they were saying. They seemed pretty happy. They had stones and kept throwing to the row of houses. Few minutes later, it was my house.

Windows were totally shattered. I was in deep fear. But what was worse than the fear itself, hatred was brewing steadily in me. The hatred lasted for more than 2 years. Frantically, I called my best friend and shouted all kind of vows of vengeance towards people who did this. My parents tried to calm me down successfully by giving me a pill. Even my dog, Kiky, was more daring than me. She kept barking her best to protect the house. I was just swearing in tears.

We slept in a windowless house for almost a week, covered only by pieces of plywood. I slept with a stick and a can of insecticide next to me. Because if I couldn''t fight them, I could spray something into their eyes and that, I thought, would be good enough (?). While waiting for my exam results and whether any universities in Singapore would accept me, I kept myself busy by watching lots of Hercules. I watched it 7x. It put me in a very happy place, for those short few moments. It is still my favourite movie of a lifetime!

Anyway, 15 years have passed. Wow. 15 years! Almost half of my life, just zoomed right through me. But that one single event has really changed me .... I often shared with people who would listen to me ... how I got past the hatred .... I asked myself one question (after reading many many many books after) - "If I were to be in their shoes, what would I do?" I imagined myself being not so well-off. I have many kids to feed and there is this opportunity to get paid and all I need to do is just to throw stones at the houses of Chinese people. I would have said yes too.

Then, I understood where they came from and my hatred towards them didn't mean anything anymore. I was set free there and then because I learned to see that there are always many sides of a story and depends on which side you are standing, you will see the story unfolds differently. I have since then consciously trying to understand as many sides as I can to any scenarios but of course, life is so expansive, at times I still don't see certain things differently, I am still making mistakes and apologizing and learning from it. But always, without regrets. That will be waste of life.

15 years ago, today, I thank you for letting me be part of you. I wouldn't have changed a single thing because you made me the imperfectly perfect me today. I also need to thank the subject I hate the most, Chemistry, without which I wouldn't have been accepted to the university. Everything happens for a reason and the reason, most of the time, only we eventually will understand.

My house is the one in the centre with my dad's beloved Vespa in front. Photo was taken the next day after the riot.

When DD Said "Adventure", Life Gave Her One Immediately

2013-05-03T00:48:00.000+08:00

Just 1 day after my May Day post, declaring to the world that "my life is indeed an adventure", The Universe heard me so fast and gave me the first "adventure". So, here we go ....

After happily sharing my lunch to my FB friends, I proceeded to the bus stop and waited under the super hot sun for my bus. I told my friend,"If I stand under this heat for few minutes every day, I'm sure I can burn some calories without exercising." The bus heard me, refusing to let me burn off those calories around my belly, it arrived shortly after. I hopped on happily and continued whatsapp-ing / facebook-ing my friends.

One hour later, I grabbed my bag, went in to the building where I supposed to start my social media project work. Then, I realized ... I forgot something. My weight seemed too light. Oh yeah ... I left my laptop in the bus. Better still, the laptop doesn't belong to me. Oh yeah, baby!

There was a little bit of panicky moment ... but I immediately called the bus hotline for more than 5x, nobody picked up. Oh well ... I googled through my dying Blackberry apparently the terminal is not that far away. So, I took another bus and prayed really hard hoping the laptop was being kept by the driver at the terminal. At least 20 minutes had passed since I went off the bus. Arriving at the terminal, I approached any bus drivers who then led me to their small little office and found out the bus has left the terminal. No laptop was spotted. Many kind people there, really, from the lady drivers, to the uncles, they all tried their best to help me. One has called the office at the final interchange and asked me to talk to the guy. The guy on the phone said he would call me back.

One uncle gave me a few more numbers and I just called all of them and repeated the same message. Well, no harm, right? No idea whom I called. I still had 50-50 chance by then. The driver could have kept it and brought it to the interchange or some passengers with sharp eyes might see it and grabbed it away. I told The Universe, whatever it is, I am learning my lesson and will think about it later.

Meanwhile, I was thinking for plan B, asking all my friends for contacts if they knew where I could get such model at a discount. One friend offered an alternative solution to the issue and offered her old laptop with friendship price. Another one was willing to give me her spare laptop for free. I was deeply touched by the people who were there and offered their ears/heads/hearts/laptop to me. What could I really do anyway? Carelessness happened. I had tried all ways to get it retrieved. At that moment, I could only smile, breathe deeply and wait for phone calls. I did just that.

On the way back to the building, I received a phone call from the first guy I spoke to. *Poof* ... He said he had tried his best. He called 4 drivers and none saw any laptop. "Oh well..", I said, "It's okay then. I will lodge a police report, I guess." Back to the building I went and just totally let go of the entire situation. I drank more water. Very thirsty lah ... weather so hot!

Then I wondered,"What do I need to learn here? How did I attract and create this situation?" For sure I was not being "present" at that moment! I was in the "now" then but I was not in the "here" of the situation. My body was in the bus but my mind was elsewhere. I let go and quickly switched to Plan B/C mode. I realized I was not too panicky as I normally would ... guess that's a good thing. I remembered to breathe and smile and "oh well, what now?" to myself. I continued on with my life ...

As I am a big fan of romantic comedies and cartoons, my adventure too had a happy ending. Half an hour later, I received another phone call from Mr. Wee (must be the 2nd or 3rd gentleman I talked to from whichever number that was given to me earlier). He said,"Oh you are so lucky. The bus just reached the interchange and your laptop is with us." Of course, I went there afterwards. Of course, I thanked him/them/anyone with all my heart. Of course, I took my laptop and left and came back again to pass them the abundant of bread I bought to show my deep appreciation to them.

Am I really "lucky"? Hell yeah! I am well supported and protected in all ways. Then I declared to some of my friends that I love this country and the people in it DEEP DEEP DEEP! Because if the same thing has happened elsewhere ... you will see me singing Auld Lang Syne with a bottle of something.

Well, what I learn for sure is to be really careful with what you ask for! I think I need to tweak the part when I say my life is an adventure! Must specify what kinda adventure I'm having. Universe ah, don't like that play one can? But thank you nevertheless to give me an amazing happy ending in the end. All is well indeed.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one’s own way.”
—Dr. Viktor Frankl

A Letter to May Day of 2013

2013-05-01T02:49:00.003+08:00

Hello 1st of May 2013.

I welcome you with open heart and over flowing joy because I sincerely have been looking forward to meet you after much anticipation since 4 months ago. Many have worried for me - from family members to friends - but not me. Why? Because this marks the day that I am officially without a constant income, without a title, without a job and ultimately without a perceived safety net. I am totally fine and at peace with it. I actually feel excited of the path ahead of me. :) Lunatic? Yeah, I have been self-declaring that for months. Nobody really believes me anyway. They thought I am joking when I speak the truth. Not the first time anyway, right?

So, what's in store for me this month? I am not really sure. I am quite busy though ... I will tell you why .. later, if I do remember.

For sure, looking back at the rear view mirrors, I realized I am a chatterbox ... daily without fail, I simply love to share my happenings to a few of my friends. I believe some of them must be bored to death. Since I have a blog with my name, I decide, it's my story, my blog, I am going to tell it here instead. Save my breath and those who are really interested can continue reading it. Those who are not, will be free from my constant messaging.

After more than 1 year of living so freely and truly to myself, I realize, my life is indeed an adventure. Full of stories. I simply couldn't contain what I have in me anymore. I have to let it out. Though today is a public holiday where most people are resting and simply not doing anything ... I know one friend has to go back to the office due to the nature of her job ... so I shall join her and make this my first post for May Day of 2013!

How did I end the month of April, BTW?
With an impromptu dinner.
3 of my friends were there for dinner and 2 of them joined in afterwards.
I was challenged to do a dare which ended up with me meeting 5 other lovely friends of mine. My heart really couldn't contain my happiness when I met all of them. I was lunatically ecstatic!
I had a great night. I hope my friends did too. I love all of them dearly because through them I see the beauty of this amazing world. Oh yeah ... I also would like to thank 2 other special friends ... 1 of them was trying to accommodate her schedule for me but simply couldn't and the other one bothered to listen to my rant though I bet she was really sleepy at 1.30AM.

I have great friends. I have great encounters and I indeed have an awesome life that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

Thank you all for this amazing ending and beginning of what's to come. For my readers, you will sure to hear from me more often now. :) Thanks for reading so far! :D

PS. Since I remember what I said earlier ... I have been busy with many complimentary wine tastings last months. Looking forward to more. Need more divine juice to keep on writing, you know? :D

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.

- Thomas Carlyle

Dear Knees of Mine, I Love You Crazily!

2013-04-06T22:43:00.001+08:00

I have never loved the left side of my lower back so much until today. I woke up with pain but I ignored it and went to sleep again thought it would go away. Alas, apparently I have sprained my left lower back without knowing how it did happen. Maybe I practiced some impossible Kungfu moves during my sleep.

The entire day I moved in pain, I still am. My BFF couldn't stop laughing because I do look like some senior citizen grasping for breath. I too had fun laughing at myself because it was pretty amusing. However when my attention deficit disorder behaviour went away and I was left with only pure awareness of my body, I felt very appreciative towards my knees that enable me to still perform certain movements that normally require bending. I appreciate my flexibility like I've never done before. Then I laughed because maybe this indeed is a preview to old age if my joints decide to be super stiff, where movements are simply limited (if I'm granted to live that long, of course). It's not easy. Almost anything that relates to bending, I need an extra support from my hand. I can't just do it freely anymore.

I always find it amazing that such simple actions - bending and twisting - where people do it without blinking, require many parts of the body to make it happen. This amazing machine called "body of ours", when one of its parts is down, it hinders us in doing so many things. Oh, even squatting was a tough chore.

Today I declare my utmost love to every single parts of my body, and you should too. Without them, I can't do many things and guess that's what this humbling pain is trying to teach me. I am especially in love with my knees this weekend. I may take a few more movements to accomplish what I can do in one swift, but I could still do it.

Our body is indeed an amazing creation. As long as mine is still operated by the breaths I take, I promise to make it one of the greatest love of my life because without it, I'm just a lover in spirit. That really won't be that fun for someone who jumps around like a monkey like me!

To awesome health!

PS. I bet if my parents read this, I will receive a call with some lovely nagging in place ... I'm waiting ... :p

Finding Comfort in the Unknown

2013-03-08T14:41:00.001+08:00

If there's a theme for the first quarter of my 2013, it gotta be a few of the following words ...
- The Unknown
- The Untitled
- The Unlabeled
- The Uncertain
- The Unexplainable

This is not the first time I faced so many situations that were totally incomprehensible; all happened at the same time. But, this is the first time I find myself feeling really at ease with most of them. Some take a little more time but eventually, feeling at peace is the final destination. Name me one aspect of life and I will confidently tell you,"Je ne sais pas!" because I really have no clue about what is happening and what is going to unfold next. Truthfully, I'm crazily okay with it now.

Ironically, life is never certain, isn't it? But most of us live our life, as if we have the premonitions of what will happen the very next hour, most of the time. We do flow in life with this sense of security and certainty, somehow. That our jobs are still there. That our friends are still with us. That people who know us, will understand us. That our health will not really give way because oh we are so healthy now. That we will go travel here and there by this time of the year. That we will go out and have fun. That the food we love will somehow be there forever for us.

Humility is one of the biggest teacher in life and finally I come to grasp the latest lesson I just learned that there are some things, no matter how brilliant our logical mind tries to understand, we will not be able to get any explanations regarding some people or circumstances, even in this lifetime. They will remain as ... mysteries. Especially if the circumstances involve another human being, the level of manipulation might be higher. People say, well you can just ask the person directly if you want to know the truth. But what is the truth? Words are free. One can create a set of truth to answer your queries but how will you know if that's the REAL truth?

Nothing is more liberating and comforting than finally realizing that the only truth in your life, is the one you allow to stay in your mind. Since you are capable of deluding yourselves with so many miserable things, why not choose something that actually make you feel at peace. For this specific situation that I am going through, I choose to believe that though I have done my very best with good intention, others are free to interpret, perceive and twist whatever I intent. I have my freedom and they too have theirs. I choose to bless the experience, then let go and let The Universe do what it knows best.

Someone taught me "路遥知马力，日久见人心" which literally means over a long distance, one will learn the strength of the horse, over a long period of time, you will know what's in a person's heart. Funnily, this very same person now actually delivered this lesson through live demonstration! Great life teacher indeed!

True character of a person can be revealed by time, but I would like to add, not only by time but by difficult time. Because everybody can be awesome friends during good time. Only in the very testing hour of life, someone's true nature will surface up. I'm so grateful that it only took me less than 2 years to realize the "truth" of certain situation.That's not very long, really.

To end with a beautiful Indonesian phrase that I really love, "Mati satu tumbuh seribu", which means when one dies, thousand more will grow. My story indeed has a very happy ending. :) Because what was lost, the Universe decided to replace it with greater possibilities.

What is the Unknown? Ah ... but a beautiful blank canvas where I am free to paint as I wish. But the dots to be filled with whatever you can imagine them to be. I welcome and embrace the Unknown with all my heart because life is so much more fun when you think you are some kind of superhero, just like in the movie, conquering adventures as they come with the unexpected twists and turns; but you know in the end all is going to be really swell.

Image courtesy of the Facebook page of Moving the Sun to Shine in Dark Places

Who Do You Choose to Have in Your Garden of Life?

2013-01-28T21:36:00.002+08:00

Besides his full time occupation of being a doctor, in his heart, my dad is a loving farmer. With the limited space we have on top of our shop house, he has managed to plant more than 23 varieties of vegetables or fruits 2 years ago (the number should be increasing by now? I'm not sure). Plants that eventually will feed our family, relatives, neighbours and friends. He's super happy when people get to taste the fruits of his labour. The feedback he receives will fuel him to do better, try new things and share more.

Due to the very limited space that we have, he is very careful of what he grows. I remember when he had to get rid of plants that didn't give positive feedback. No fruits, no flowers ... nothing. After waiting for few months, he will then decide to get rid of them and let the space be flourished with new seeds.

Through that observation, I've learned a very important metaphor to life. We too are the gardeners of our lives. The relationships we have with others are like the diversity of plants we have cultivated along the way. We planted the seeds just like how we sealed our friendships through the initial handshakes. We watered and tended to the plants on regular basis, just like how we consciously ensure we don't lose touch. Some need more time, some need more attention, some need more activities together, different strokes for different folks. Based on the feedback we receive, whether the relationships bear fruits or not, we then decide whether the limited space of our garden is being invested wisely.

Sometimes, despite the perceived giving on our end, we may not receive any types of positive affirmations from the relationship. Just like the plants which are not dying but they are also not going anywhere. Maybe they need more time. Maybe they just grow better with different soils and farmers. Sometimes, we will never know. But what we know, as the farmers of our own garden, being given the same amount of time by The Universe, we must do our best to ensure our gardens don't go to waste. When our best is still not enough, then it's time to let the plant go. Eventually, each plant will find a place where it really belongs. All is well.

Your energy will only rise in direct relationship to the number of things you are able to get rid of - not to the things you acquire. By getting rid of things, attitudes, encumbrances, and blocks of one kind or another, things fly.
- Stuart Wilde

Fortunately, this money plant has been with me since 2007.
We are still meant for each other and it gave me positive feedback. Huat ah!

PS. Happy spring cleaning too, Everyone!

A Thank You Note to My Papi

2013-01-17T09:04:00.002+08:00

One of my greatest influence in my life without me knowing, is my dad. I am dedicating this post to my Papi (Yesh, that's how I call him since I was a little girl, I don't really know why though).

My dad is an awesome guy. (Mom, do you know how lucky you are?) I look up to him especially when I was very young. I wanted just to be like him. I wanted to whistle like him, even though I couldn't, I then pretended to whistle and the sound was coming from my throat instead of the smooth whistling manner. (Couldn't believe the school actually asked me to perform the fake whistle in front the entire school!!!). I wanted to look like him, so I stole his hair gel and combed my hair exactly like him. I admired him to the bits and I couldn't understand why then. I think I know now.

He is a very lovable creature, my dad. An enlightened soul who is like a beacon of light wherever he goes. He talks to anybody, from all walks of life - a trait that I'm glad to inherit into my DNA even until now. He always shows kindness and compassion towards everyone. When he can help, he will do his best. He's also very playful and never stops seeing the lighter side of things. My close friends who have met him, love him too even though he can't stop making fun of them somehow, they let him because they too feel safe to make fun of him. None of my friends that I know up to this day would leave his presence without a laughter or simply a smile. That's how he left a footprint in people's heart. Aren't I lucky to have a dad like him?

However, when discipline was needed, I was not spared. The rattan was my very best friend when I grew up. I was never spoiled. Jokes and playfulness aside, he managed to instill a sense of authority towards me which I learned to appreciate as I grew up. Because, without those loving "smacks", I couldn't imagine what kind of being I would be.

The biggest living inheritance I have ever received from my dad was definitely the art of being loving and the habit of acknowledging every living beings. Riding on the Vespa with him all around our small little town, we always acknowledged people we knew as long as we saw them. That's why when my parents were away and I was on my friend's motorcycle, the next day I was scolded by my parents because the news traveled so fast and thanks to the uncountable journeys on the dark blue Vespa, my face was pretty recognizable by then! -_-" And I had disobeyed the rule to not be on anybody's motorcycle EVER! (I think this rule still applies even until now.)

My Papi has been the beacon of love and I really couldn't ask for a better father figure to make me who I am today. Papi, I know you will be reading this because you seem to be pretty active on Google Plus through your "much-cooler-than-mine" iPad 2. I would like you to know that I love you very much and I can't be more thankful enough for your presence all these while and most importantly, by simply being who you are, you have taught me how to love life and everything/everyone in it.

"Love is a matter of inner nature, not of relationship. Love has nothing to do with relationship, love is a state of being. It is an inner component of one's individuality." - Osho

My kinda Man with my beloved Sister, Kiky who was super overweight thanks to
the generosity of my Dad! Yes, that's not a piglet. It's a miniature pinscher.

The Happiness Journey by Ajahn Brahm

2013-01-11T09:08:00.002+08:00

I attended a free talk by Ajahn Brahm, a Buddhist monk from London but who's now based in Australia. He has 3 free talks as organized by Buddhist Fellowship Centre. The Happiness Journey was the first one, which I didn't intend to go because I thought I am a pretty happy person. But things changed, just one night before the talk, I took a look at the date and exclaimed,"Hey, I can make it!". So, I went. At the very last minute, my Personal Trainer who is a very open minded Christian, told me that he too would like to come. I welcome him of course. He enjoyed it and even donated to the temple. I was shocked.

If I forget everything about the almost 2-hour talk, I will not forget the story Ajahn Brahm shared in the very beginning. He said he has shared this numerous time and will not stop doing it (because the same people keep coming to the talk ... haha, he has great sense of humour). After he told the story, I totally agree. One of the simplest and yet most profound metaphor that I really hope everyone can benefit from it.

The Chicken Farmers
There are 2 chicken farmers. One is dumb. One is smart. Every night the chickens have the same rituals, they lay eggs and poop in the chicken shed.The next morning, the farmers will also have the same routines, they will wake up and go to the shed. However, what they collect are totally different and that sets them apart.

The dumb farmer will collect the poop and leave the eggs in the shed. He then brings the poop into his home to his family. Not only it stinks up the entire house, it makes the family very uncomfortable.

The smart farmer will collect only the eggs and leave the poop behind in the shed. He will use the poop as fertilizer much later. He then brings the eggs to his family and some to the market to sell. The family is well fed and he earns some money from the sales.

The metaphor was shared when the interviewer asked how can one be happy. Here are the explanations to the story:
The dumb farmer represents people who are not happy.
The smart farmer represents people who are happy.
The poop represents unhappy thoughts, unpleasant moments of the past.
The egg represents happy thoughts, the pleasant moments of the past.
The home and the family represents your own mind, your home, your family, your friends, people whom you share your stories with.

The reason why people are unhappy, is because, even after the unhappy events have passed, they still carry them in their mind. They then share the stories to their friends/family and "stink up" the entire ambience.They pollute their own mood and those around them.

The reason why people are happy, is because, they only remember and share the happy moments. This doesn't mean they forget the bad, they use those bad moments as "fertilizers". They learn from it and grow from it but they choose not to bring it to their minds or to impose those to their home, family, friends, etc.

This powerful metaphor, if applied in real life, you will be a much happier person. How do I know it? I have walked the path without me realizing. I am a happier person in 2012 than in 2011, I realize it's all because I have been collecting "eggs" and not "poop. If you are familiar with my "nonsense" on Facebook, I have been collecting my eggs in the form of:

Moment of the Day (MOTD)
Awesomeness of the Day (AOTD)

No matter how ridiculous it can be for others, those moments and awesomeness make me extremely happy. As I tend to have a memory of a bird, I write and share it through Facebook. For more personal moments, I wrote them in my journal which I then able to write them out in a letter and the moments I collected for 4 months, were worth 10 pages in point forms. I surprised myself.

It is not difficult to be happy, if happiness is really what you are looking for, if not, don't bother. The key is really to be so aware and mindful of your own mind. Once you are aware and mindful, the next step is be very deliberate on the thoughts you allow to park themselves there.

So, what are you collecting now? Poop or eggs? I know for sure what I want and no turning back.

If you are interested in the 2 other talks by him, the information is below. All is welcome. Literally, all.
No registration needed.

"Never allow anyone to control your happiness." - Ajahn Brahm

Lesson from 2012 - #1 - Do Not Believe in the "He Says", "She Says", "They Say"

2013-01-06T14:32:00.000+08:00

So, I have promised that I will share 3 most important lessons I have learned in 2012. Here is my very first one:

"Just because someone says the words, doesn't mean it is the truth.

If you believe in it, please take full responsibility.

It was your choice to begin with in trusting their words."

Can you believe I have heard about this lesson since 2002 and then in 2005 but I only understood it in 2012?

In 2002, my ex-boss and I were walking back to the office. I remember this scene so vividly and now I understand why. There is a lesson hidden in those few minutes of walk. We were talking about projects on hand and also about some of our customers. I then made a remark,"Words are cheap." He quickly said,"No, Donna. Words are free." His words never left my brain since then.

In 2005, again my new boss then shared with me to never ever believe in "he says", "she says". If you would like to know something you have to:

Get the facts directly. See the figures. See the things for yourself.
Talk to the person who is directly involved in the matter.
3rd party account doesn't represent the truth.

Finally in 2012, I understood and internalized this lesson. I can say the last half of 2012, I have lived my life so effortlessly in this area. I may have slip-ups but most of the time ...

I speak without fear and only the truth to anyone who bothers to listen.
I am responsible of what I say but I am not responsible of how others will interpret and use/abuse my message. When a message is passed down to a 3rd party, he/she may have her own perspective and distort my message. They are free to do so.
If there is something I really need to know, I will seek it directly from the relevant parties.
Words are free and they have their own power. Whatever come out from my mouth, they will spread their wings and fly. Make sure they are worthy of those flights.
I may seek advice from people but in the end the choice is mine. If I listen to them and take action accordingly, I am responsible completely for the decision made.

Taking full responsibility of what comes out of my own mouth has been a liberating practice. I know my truth. I stand by it and have no fear when others have problems with it because they see what they want to see. You can't control that.

Taking full responsibility of what I deem to be the truth based on the information I get from others, has taught me to discern better. I can see clearer now when some of the advice given to me was "biased" and based on that person's personal experience. In the end, I am the master of my destiny and the choice I make is my own responsibility. It's my life, who else can be the best person to decide for it? Moi, of course.

When you remove the habit of saying and believing in "he says", "she says", "they say", etc you will realize most of the things they really say, don't matter much. If it does bother you, then go and talk to him/her/them directly. Have some "balls" and face the person yourself. Cut off the intermediaries or just take those as stories to the ears (some can be really quite epic - can be used as inspiration for next fiction story). No point getting too personal about it.

Again, life is too uncertain. Make sure you fill it with something that's worthy. And speculating or getting affected by what people say, is definitely not worthy of your breath.

Thank You, 2012. Come Here You, 2013.

2012-12-31T10:10:00.000+08:00

Wow ... without realizing, this is a ritual I have which I also did in 2011 when I said Au Revoir to 2011 and Bonjour to 2012. I shall, ask the same questions again and that will be:

What have you learned?
What will you leave behind?
What will you bring with you to 2013?

2012 has been a wonderful year to me in so many levels. Looking back, 2012 has been my best year ever in my entire life. I thought 2011 was the best then 2012 proves me wrong. For that, I thank you, 2012. Every single moments I had with you was simply splendid and memorable. It was colourful beyond explanations. Some of the experiences are unimaginably precious, which will only come by once in a lifetime. I'm glad I lived through it fully and not missing any of those moments.

What Have I Learned?

I have learned that living the best life means living, breathing and being your true self no matter what others say.
I have learned that making sure I am happy at any given moment will bring me to places I've never been.
I have learned by taking care of myself and making sure I'm at my best in all areas, life will give its best to me too.
I have learned that after every lessons I learned, I thought I understood, life will change and the lessons are totally renewed and I have to humble myself to learn something new again. There is indeed no absolute.
I have learned 3 other important lessons which I think will break them into 3 posts and share it in 2013. Wow ... what a learning year 2012 has been for me.

What Will I Leave Behind?

I will leave behind the thoughts that whatever I do is not good enough. Because I have done enough. I have given enough and I am enough.
I will leave behind people who are unappreciative of what I have done because there are many others who will, and some I've not met yet.

What Will I Bring with Me to 2013?

I will bring with me, the precious people who value me, who see me as I am, who accept me, who grow with me, who teach me, who don't give up on me, who bother to let me know how I meant to them, who occasionally popped by to let me know I am being missed (you know who you are SYT), who bothers to include me on special events even though I'm a new addition and who are simply who they are. That took courage, so I bring with me courageous bunch of awesome souls into this wonderful year.
I will still bring with me, my intuition, my feeling, my heart that beats and senses things better than my mind. They have never failed me.
I will bring with me my faith in all good things in life.
I will bring with me my sense of wonder.
I will bring with me an empty mind so it will be filled with new lessons and experiences. Though I must really thread carefully on what I want to learn next.

2012, really thank you. I could list down how eventful my life from the beginning until the end of the year but that will be such a bore. You know. I know. That's enough. I have to let you go now. I have to enter 2013, another floodgate will open for me. I can feel it. But without you, 2012, I wouldn't be who I am now and I wouldn't be ready to embrace what's in store for me. It was a blast and now it will be part of my precious memory.

Hope you will have a great year ahead too, dear readers!

C.S. Lewis said it best - "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

If you ask me what the most memorable and impactful moment of my life was - it would have been this;
my very own event "Dîner en Noir". Didn't know it was possible, it was merely a stupid idea.
(Thursday, 30th of August 2012)

Image courtesy of Brian Tracy's FB page.

If the World Ends on 21.12.2012

2012-12-20T21:01:00.002+08:00

So the Mayans said the world may end on 21/12/2012. How exciting if that's real. There and then whatever you need to do, you don't need to any more. You will be eternally freed - unless you are reincarnated again and you have to serve your Karma which means nothing much has changed. Bummer.

Assuming, it will really end when the clock strikes midnight, what will you be doing? Will you be happy with whatever you are doing then? What if, the world ends in the afternoon, or even at night? Will you be pleased with the people you are spending time with? If not, ever wonder why you are doing it?

Honestly, I don't really know what Mayans were predicting but I don't think the world will just vanish on 21/12. But, one never knows. I mean, it may not be 21/12, it could be 25/12, then what?

Most importantly is to really live as if you are going to die everyday, every single moment. Also to look at people around with such mindset too and you will live differently. All fights don't matter. All flaws don't seem to be as huge any longer. But you can't control if others do though. You can only live your best life and let others be as they are. Even if your best maybe their worst nightmares, then maybe you should look for people who could appreciate your best instead.

Strange isn't it, it takes death to make one knows how to live. But even with death as our final destination, we tend to forget about that one important fact. We live as if we are going to live forever. We still try to prove we are right. We try to justify our wrong deeds. We are all going to die anyway, does it matter? Can't we lighten up a little bit? Have fun a little bit? Spread some joy a little bit? Give a little more. Keep the guard down. Let loose. Be vulnerable and fall and then get back up again then fly then fall then get back up again then breathe and feel free.

If the Mayans are right this time, I would say, I have lived my best life. It could have been better in certain areas but up to this point, I am very pleased with the way I live.

How about you?

If it does end, just remember this quote from the movie I'm watching - Pitch Perfect.
"Told you. Endings are the best part."

That may just be right for anything. :) Cause you may not know what beautiful beginnings you will be welcomed with at the other side.

At My Best, I Chirp

2012-12-04T18:17:00.000+08:00

I love birds.
I love looking at birds.
I especially love when they just fly and soar up to the sky.
Or, when they say "hello" by flying right in front of me and catch me by surprise.

The slight sight of them will light up my face.
The slight sound of them will make me join them into nature's acapella group (when I'm alone, of course).

Friends on my FB are pretty used to my love affairs with birds, especially the pigeons. Well, I only recognize pigeons or occasionally Oriole ... the rest, I don't know their names. They never asked me to call them, maybe.

Besides being called a bird face and I do have a bird brain that tends to forget many things, I realize, at my best, I am like a bird. I chirp, I fly around, I mingle and I really chirp non-stop. At my worst, I hide in my nest, refusing to fly anywhere and my chirp subsides.

No birds chirp at all times and no birds hide at all times too.
Guess, that's the lesson I'm learning that I, occasionally, need to rest my chirping.
Though it feels "off", but there's nothing wrong with it.

Like this bird that was spotted by someone who has keen eyes for details, right outside my window, I too, need to rest and be alone. Sometimes, for no logical reasons at all, and that's alright. Because birds do what birds do best. They will chirp again when they feel like it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
- Joseph Campbell

So, Which 3 Days of Your Life Are You Grateful For?

2012-11-24T11:40:00.001+08:00

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Well, it's not something that's well celebrated in Singapore but I "enforced" it among my best friends since last year and it has been a ritual for us since then. A great ritual I must say. Ok, it has only been 2 years haha! But heck, it's going to be a ritual from now on.

Due to my short-term memory, I don't really remember what I was thankful for in 2011 but my great BFF kept it on her mobile and we were able to have a glimpse of all things we were thankful for. Apparently my cockiness has never changed. I always declare that I have too many things to be thankful for and my list can grow as long as I want them too. No! I was not born this way. Trust me on this. It's a learned process.

Anyway, as I was short of time ... with my tired body that just touched down Singapore from a long trip, I chanced upon this newsletter when my Blackberry was finally able to receive emails. The title of the email is - 20 Questions for Thanksgiving.

So, while my BFFs were thinking about what they were grateful for (since I already did it the night before, yeah yeah ... I'm a snob haha!), I threw them some of the questions from the given list. I didn't ask them all but one of my favourite question was:

14) Name three days in your life that you feel especially grateful for.

One of my friend said - Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The other one said - 23, 24 and 25 of December.

And here are mine:

The day I was aware that I will die
Don't ask me when I realized this. I don't have the exact date. But maybe, it was sometimes in 2007. When I was so fully aware that my heart is not going to beat here forever, I lived differently. It was a good realization but not as good as when I came to the next realization. Anyway, I was pretty ready with my own eulogy but I think it still can be done better than that. I must thank my MonkeyBro for teaching me the most important phrase on earth "Memento Mori".
The day I was aware that people around me will die
Well, I knew about this in Oct 2012. It was an internally painful process. When I finally realized that my loved ones will just vanish and I won't even know when. This realization is very different compared to #1 and I must say it's so much more powerful. Words couldn't express the essence of this lesson. You really have to live and feel it. I see people differently since then. Not just my loved ones, everyone.
The day I was "roughly" aware of my purpose of life
This is a tough one! It has been a gradual process! I have been asking the question of "purpose of life" for really long! For many years! I never stopped asking myself and even strangers. I asked others because I thought through them I might just see a glimpse of my answer. My friends found me amusing and probably a bit strange, but heck, I kept on asking. Eventually, I slowly unfolded it. I wouldn't say that I know the exact answer to it but I know I am on my way of discovering and I'm in a better place compared to where I was when I asked that question.
(To insert my cockiness here, I am adding #4 though only 3 were required) The day I understood my mother's advice.

Gratitude is heaven itself. – William Blake

So, again, happy thanksgiving! It's a day that I think should be celebrated daily. So, what are the 3 days of your life that you are grateful for? Why not make it everyday since we are all blessed with 365 days per year? Wouldn't that be awesome. :)

What am I thankful for on Friday, 23 November 2012? I am thankful for the new people I met below that have made my day so memorable. It would have never been the same without them. So, thank you George, Heather, Zaki, Haikel and Rhizza (whom I met on the very sad day when my mentor passed away). Didn't know she too experienced the same thing as I did then. Life is an amazing journey, isn't it? You really wouldn't know where it will bring you, so just sail your boat and keep discovering what it has to offer.

Important Message from Dr Richard Teo Keng Siang (1972-2012)

2012-10-24T03:15:00.001+08:00

This video that I am about to share is worth watching. I have shared it on my Facebook and it's so good that I really hope those of you who are not my FB friends will also have the chance to view it, hence I decide to blog it.

I first chanced upon the message also on FB, it was a long transcript which can be found in this link. It was a great message but the video has more impact on me (and different from the transcript above). I know I have blogged about my future eulogy and remembering the mortalities of people around us, but actually listening to the message directly from a man who was really dying, made it more real.

Dr Richard Teo was a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer. Towards the end of his life, he realized what really is essential in his life and hence his message is for people to not make the same mistake as him.

I am not able to embed the video, so here's the link once again. I hope you will benefit it as much as I do.

"When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. ... Don't let society tell you how to live. Don't let the media tell you what you're supposed to do okay because that's what happened to me. And I led this life thinking all these things are going to bring me happiness. I hope you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your life. Not according to what other people tell you to do and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself or whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself."
- Dr Richard Teo

PS.
27 October 2012
I just found out from all the comments given by anonymous people that the video has turned private. :(
As I'm not the owner of the video, I can't make it public.
However a kind stranger has provided me with the updated link and voila hereby I'm sharing it once again. (I can't embed it still). Hope everyone will benefit from this!
Thanks, whoever-you-are to update me on this!

My "Diving" Experience

2012-10-22T02:03:00.001+08:00

The first time I saw this image from my friend's Facebook page (I think it was 5th of August 2012), I told myself,"Huah! I want to do that too. I want to dive with the sharks!" Shortly after, I registered and confirmed my trip just like that.

2.5 months later, I passed my theory test and finally on the 19th of October made my way to Tioman, Malaysia for the rest of the practical training. It was pouring cats and dogs on the first day of my training, but that didn't bother me. We were all going to get wet anyway.

When I was putting on my wet suit... ho boy, I didn't like it at all. I was thinking to myself. This is one troublesome activity ever. I had to wear a full body suit as they didn't have any other in my size. After which, we had to carry all the gears and went into the pool for the first pool training. We were made to swim 20 laps in that wet suit. I thought - the pool is so small, this is going to be easy. But it was not - I was so quickly out of breath due to the weight of the wet suit and super choppy pool water. Urgh.

We continued with other exercises, they were fine until we had to clear the mask full of water under the water. That was when I simply lost it. I couldn't get used to not being able to use my eyes and nose at the same time. I totally hate the feeling of it. Maybe it's because I have never swum without goggles since 9yo. I simply couldn't swim with eyes opened or closed under water. Just not natural for me. Towards the end of the day, I was also shivering like mad. So cold! The full body suit didn't protect me at all too. I seriously kept asking myself, why on earth did I sign up for this? Geez! So, yeah, I threw in the towel. I called it quit the next day. I simply knew diving is simply not for me despite how many people told me "Oh, you are so going to love it." They are all wrong. I don't love it. It was one of the easiest decision I've ever made in my life. No regrets at all.

While my dive mates were training in the pool, I spent an amazing time on the beach from +/- 1 to 8PM. One of the longest ever for me to do so. Yeah, I got burnt alright. But I also saw "Nemo" when playing around in the beach. I fed the fish and they all swam around me. I had so much fun and geez, I didn't even need to breathe in and breathe out unnaturally from the gas tank! I breathed the air that The Universe has supplied to me for free. Fresh!

The rocks that mesmerized me the first time I saw them.

I realize there and then that:

What you think is cool for others, doesn't mean it's cool for you.
Sometimes, you really do need to try things out to decide if it's for you or not.
As long as you are not having fun, don't bother doing it. Don't waste time. (Of course, some works need to be done whether it's fun or not fun.)
You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. If you don't like it, quit it. Time is more precious than your pride.

I bet the underwater world must be amazing. Look at the image above with the sharks, splendid and magnificent. I believe my inability to scuba dive means I may have missed out on many amazing sea creatures. But I find diving deeper into other realms above sea level is as fulfilling too. People to be understood. Lessons to be learned. Sunsets to be admired. Miracles to be recognized.

I love my "dive" in the here and now and every moment I am still discovering much more than I could imagine. I say bye to the underwater world while maintaining my "buoyancy" on earth, to discover more "little wonders" to be shared with you. I leave the sea to the people who truly are having fun in it instead. So yeah, I'm D.D. and I chickened out from the diving course. I'm proud of it and love myself for it.

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

Image courtesy of someone else. I stole it with permission but without approval yet. But should be okay lah...!

Lesson Learned through Friendships Woes

2012-10-13T09:49:00.003+08:00

In the last 3.5 years, I have seen a few circles of my friendships are missing a few of their links. Recently, such occurrence happened again. I realize, at all time, I am always the bridge. No, not bridge, I am not connecting anything between the separated worlds. I am simply connected to both parties and have the privilege to see things from both points of view (as much as they are willing to share with me, of course) and to really, not judge who's right, who's wrong. Because ultimately, only the people who are in the situation will know the truth. Words conveyed, to me, are just words conveyed.

It always saddened me to see friendship falls apart.If I can befriend everyone in the world from all walks of life, I will. I will also encourage them to be my friends on Facebook because I really love to share quotes with them. Haha. But, I have learned through life that, everyone really has different lessons to be learned, at their own pace, at their own time. We may not understand it at the moment, like pieces of puzzle, but eventually as time goes by, the picture will form and the grandeur of the image is splendid. Everything will turn out to be for the best for each individual. They will be happier. They will finally find a safe harbour to dock their ships. They will eventually find where they belong. All will be well.

To my friends who are affected in the recent curve ball, if you are reading this, I just want to let you know that I love each and everyone dearly. It is a sad fact that things have happened and each time when anything happens, like a pebble dropped into any body of water, it will have its own ripple effect. Things will change. People will be affected. But like that body of water, once the ripple effect subsides, all will look calm again. The pebble will sink and the ripples will simply be part of the serene water. It is still there, but it is at peace and "one" with the water.

If it's meant to be, people will find their way back at their own time, through their own way. If it's not meant to be, people simply have their own paths to walk on. Let them be. Let us be. Let it be.

Thank you for those great moments together. What we had was precious and forever etched in my heart. In the here and now, let us create our very own new beginnings and let them blossom to whatever The Universe has in store for us. So far, The Universe has never disappointed me. All is eventually well.

It’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken. Some relationships and situations just can’t be fixed. If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse. Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something better. - Marc and Angel Hack Life

Relationship, It Should Be Easy.

2012-10-09T00:08:00.002+08:00

What an interesting night I had ...!

Spending time with 6 French speaking people after my 1 whole month of detox, oh how apt! Not only my ears were having orgasms, I was being spoilt with great food and great wine and most importantly, with my super broken Fransinglais (French+Singlish) I was able to carry a "decent" conversation with a Spanish lady in French.

A little bit of background story on how I ended up where I was:

I attended a series of wine conferences. Out of 4 of them, I had to spit my wine 3 times. Tonight, finally I got to taste the wine in that fantastic heavenly uniquely Helicium glass which I am going to acquire soon for its magic.
My friend is in-charge of the event, he was tidying things up and I was helping him. He asked me if I would like to have dinner with "them". I was like ... eh? them who? Them apparently were the organizers, the wine glass seller, the presenter, etc .... so of course I said,"OUI" without a shadow of doubt.

So, we had dinner at Bistro du vin. I had the most pathetic portion compared to all of them. They must have thought I am some kind of pauper for simply eating salad. But seriously, I was not hungry lah. But from what they were eating, I know what to order next.

The highlight of the day for me was when the entire dinner was over. I was so ready to take my direct bus home. One couple (the presenter and the wife whose name I don't even know properly till now!!!! I believe it was Gabriella) talked among themselves then decided to send me home. I was pleasantly surprised and I never said no when the universe has arranged free transport. So, I began my journey with them.

I didn't know they are husband and wife. I thought they are DATING! Why? Because there's this air of sweetness between them. He was driving but he dropped himself at Alliance Francaise as his scooter was there. The wife then drove me back and drove back home. When it was only the wife and I in the car, I started to ask my infamous questions in French.

DD: Wow, so you are husband and wife! I can't tell!
The wife: Haha. Yeah, we've been married for 11 years.
DD: No way! 11 years???
The wife: Yeah. 2 kids. 2 boys.
DD: You know to most people that's considered a miracle right?
The wife: Haha! Maybe!
DD: So how's married life? Heard it's supposed to be hard work.
The wife: No way. To me, it's joie de vivre (joy of living). It's never hard work.
DD: I think it's the first time I hear this. I agree with what you said though. It shouldn't be difficult. It should feel easy.
The wife: Exactly. That's how I feel. It's never difficult.
DD: That's really great because you belong to the minority. But how do you know he's the one?
The wife: Honestly, I didn't know if he was the one or not. Even until the day I have to walk down the isle, I was still not sure and my friends were making sure I was not escaping somewhere.
DD: Seriously? And look how far you've come.
The wife: Ya. I never regret it.
DD: That's life. You'll never know anyway. I'm glad you took the plunge. Nice meeting you. Enchanté et bonne nuit.
The wife: A vous aussi. Ciao.

Many times I've heard that relationship is hard work. Marriage is hard work. Like seriously? Who imparted such beliefs to these people? Well, it may not be incorrect. It does require work, but HARD WORK???? You do know what you believe will become reality right?

No wonder when people around me made that statement, my gut feel disagrees with them in silence. It shouldn't be hard. If it's hard, you need to force it to happen. If you force, then what's the point? It should be easy. It should flow. It should just happens. If it doesn't, it's fine too. Have you ever seen river flows through "hard work"? Or do they simply flow to the sea?

I agree with Gabriella completely. She got it. If they never told me they are husband and wife of 11 years, I really wouldn't have guessed it at all. They were so sweet, gentle, kind and polite to each other as if they were just dating for the first time. How many couples you have witnessed around you are like that? Tell me? For me, they are one of the very few. The rest must be pretty forgettable or "work too hard" that they simply look like the typical husband and wife who believe that marriage is hard work.

I am not a relationship expert but I do know how powerful our minds are. Whatever you think is true, will be true. If you think relationship requires hard work, then it will be for you. Personally, there are certain truths in both perspectives. When others view it as hard work while you are actually feeling happy doing things for your loved one(s), who do you think is right? Both. But which direction you choose to believe and set the course of your life, is entirely up to you.

Thank you, Universe, for letting me meet such wonderful couple. They are truly inspirational.

Love does not dominate; it cultivates.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Morbid Realization of the Day

2012-10-08T13:01:00.001+08:00

After "mastering" the art of loving myself and being grateful, recently I have been "introduced" to another lesson in life.

Most of what I've written so far, I realize, are pretty "I" based. I am grateful .... I am putting myself first ... etc .... I feel that I have graduated from the "I" part in life and hence, The Universe is subtly introducing me to the next life lesson, where the "I" has to take a back seat since it's pretty safe and secure now.

For those who know me, I am pretty fascinated with the topic of "Death". Yesh, DD who has the impression of always happy go lucky, actually has her morbid side too. I made a trip down to Ubud, Bali last year not doing what the typical touristy stuff but to visit an island filled with dead bodies unburied. I went to Paris in 2008 with one of the intention to visit Les Catacombs (mass grave) and actually queued 45 minutes for it. I also made a point to visit the Père Lachaise Cemetery. Call me nuts but there's something about death that intrigues me.

Gradually, I understood why the fascination. My monkeybro introduced me to this Latin phrase - Memento Mori which means "Remember you will die". Since then it has been one of my motto. To remember one day I will die. So, most of my actions are based on that principle. When I am confused, I will ask myself,"If today is the last day of my life, will I do what I am going to do? If not, what should I do?" Then I will go ahead and do it or say whatever I need to say. So far, the actions taken and words I have uttered based on this principle have brought me to great places.

But you see, even the above is very "I" based. It's about me. But life apparently has different lesson plan for me now and the realization hit me this morning, morbidly. Sure, if I die now, I will be okay. As in, I have lived my life fully that it's fine for me to leave now. But .... what if, the death is not about me but about people around me. What if they are those of my loved ones? How would I feel then? Will I be okay?

I realize life lesson really has different level and once you have graduated with the "self" you will need to learn about "others". Then you will realize, life is never ever about you anyway.

So, I asked myself - if he/she/it dies now/today/tomorrow/next week, have I done my best for them? If not, what do I need to do here and now knowing how impermanent everything can be.

Honestly, this is one bitter pill to swallow. I, definitely, haven't really grasped the impact of that one question that I posed upon myself. To look at the person in front of you, knowing that they may just *poof* without you knowing, is a pretty heart wrenching experience. Even if it's not real, but even imagining it brought tears to my eyes. I am still learning. Still trying to find peace with this realization.

I'm just glad I'm aware of it and awareness is the key to any changes in life. Moving forward, I don't look at the people in front of me the same way anymore. I will learn, eventually, to be at peace with this realization. Meanwhile, I will do my best at every given moment as if it's the last for me and people around me. This will be a conscious choice I make every single day.

"Life is short, and shortly it will end"

(from Llibre Vermell de Montserrat from 1399)

Love Yourself First - Why Should You?

2012-10-05T08:16:00.000+08:00

Try saying to yourself this statement - "I love myself and I put myself first."
How does it make you feel?

More often than not, if you are not used to this concept, it will bring some shiver down your spine. You will not be at ease in saying that statement and it totally doesn't feel natural. Some people think by saying that, you are automatically a selfish and egoistic person. I used to think that way too but now, I beg to differ.

I really wonder how majority of us are being brought to believe that it is selfish to love ourselves. I wouldn't know many of your stories but I have my own life to look at.

In a traditional Chinese or I believe Asian family, we are so accustomed to put everyone first but ourselves. We have to put our elders first; these include our parents, our elder brothers/sisters, our grandparents, our aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, friends' parents, parent's friends, etc and the list goes on. As long as these people are in front of you, you are taking the second chair.

You have to show "respect" by making sure the people who are older than you are taken care of first. Hence, it's very common in the Asian family, the eldest in the family always take on the most responsibility, especially in the olden days and especially if you are a male. Many have sacrificed their own studies to go out and work early in their lives so that they are able to support their siblings. This trait is really admirable and pretty much rare to be seen in where I'm living now.

I too learned from my school and church that I have to serve. So, we serve for the sake of serving. I served for the sake of "this is how it is supposed to be". I served relentlessly on a weekly basis, if I could. But, there's this fake façade I found in people that at that point of time I couldn't pinpoint what it was. But it didn't feel "real". It felt like some people were there "serving" for a different purpose.

Don't get me wrong! I think ultimately, all our life purpose is not for ourselves, we have our own calling, believe it or not. You don't need to be Oprah or Jesus to have a calling. Your calling may just be for your family or friends and still that's a worthy calling. However, from my own personal experience, serving, giving and everything are so much more fulfilling when I have first to learn how to serve/give/love myself.

Loving yourself, is not a selfish act at all. It's actually the other way round.

Imagine if you are a car, your purpose is to be driven and to bring your passengers from point A to point B. Well, I don't drive well and I don't know the mechanics of a car but I do know one of the most important component without which you just can't go here go there is - you need the fuel.

To love yourself first, is like to put a full tank in your car to ensure your passengers have a good ride to their destination. To love yourself first, means to be the best that you can be so that you can give the best of yourself to others. How is that a selfish act? It is not only a win-win situation, because when your tank is full, you are happy. When you help others when you are happy, others are happy too.

I come a really long way in learning how to love myself. 14 years to be exact and I briefly mentioned how I came to realize that in previous post of mine where I talked about my parents. Since, I have been on both sides now (quoting Joni Mitchell's awesome song), I realize I am a better person after my tank is full. Not only I am happier, but others feel better when they are with me. How can they not be? My tank is full, I can bring them here and there to their destinations. Though sometimes my car will breakdown, but after putting myself at rest into a imaginary service center - as long as the fuel is intact, I'm good to go again.

Now, when I look back at all the values I have learned from being in a traditional Chinese family, being from school, from church I used to attend, I can now appreciate them even more. When I do give my respect to my elders, it comes from the utmost sincere place. I respect you because I want to and not because I need to and not because it's customary and tradition to do so. When I do good and serve others, it's not because I have to and not because I need to follow a certain doctrine to prove my worthiness, but because I love to and I genuinely will do it without anybody instructs me to do so.

Loving myself first, is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was a long and winding road but I have arrived, and here/now is better than there/then.

So, love yourself first, why should you?

Because before it's too late for you to realize, you are the only being who has accompanied you at your birth. You are the only person who has made all the choices in life that brought you where you are now. You are the only person who is still standing when others have left. You are the only person who cried yourself to sleep and still woke up the next morning and live your life as it is. You will be the one and only person who take that final breath as you part with this amazing journey called life. Why shouldn't you love yourself when ultimately, you are all that you really have?

The most meaningful lesson I learned from being at death’s door is that unless I love myself, nothing else in my life can function at its best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy I experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love I have for myself. The amount of love, kindness, patience I have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness I have for myself, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. - Anita Moorjani

How to be Grateful in Life and Why Should You?

2012-09-27T00:31:00.001+08:00

Gratitude, I have learned, is one of the simplest thing one can turn to in order to feel better at any given circumstances. Personally and eventually, it was a learned habit with lots of conscious and deliberate actions. Come to think of it, I find it amusing. I was immersed in a Christian school for 14 years of my life. We "gave thanks" almost every single day through prayers but even so, it was not a habit that I carried after I left school. I did pray but for the sake of praying. Words were merely words and they didn't come alive. I didn't really feel that grateful then.

Few months back, a friend asked me,"How to be thankful?" and it kinda bamboozled me a little bit. But I then saw the "old me" through her. We are so focused on what doesn't work, what others have, what others do, what the world is lacking, etc that we forget about the opposite spectrum which are more accessible to us - what works, what we have, what we do and what the world is full of. Once I tune in my mind to this frequency, I have never looked back.

When my friend asked me that question, I told her, if you are unable to find things to be grateful for, I can help you for the first time round. I am very sure to come out with at least 10 items that's all tailor made for you. And I did just that. I could go on with her list. It's very natural for me to spot things to be thankful for in myself and others now. Even for my own, I can easily come out with 50 items right here right now if I need to. What you focus, expands. It's as simple as that.

Why is Being Grateful Important?
Fundamentally, it makes you feel really good. It beats gossiping. It beats wasting your time talking about other trivial matters in life. Eventually, by cultivating the habit of expressing gratitude, your life will transform without you realizing. You will be given more things to be grateful for. True story.

But seriously, I am miserable. I am still struggling financially. What's there to be grateful for?
Sure, money is really important. But if you want to have money and stay miserable, then stop reading. Go spend your time and find your money. You will find it! Because what you focus does expand.

But if you think your simple purpose of life is just to be happy, then you have to adopt the attitude of gratitude. I have seen some people who have everything (financially) and ho boy they look miserable and extremely boring! They have great roofs, great families but they still complain and complain. Do you think they are happy? I am not really sure. Of course there are those who are rich but not only they are grateful, they transform to the next level - they see everything as opportunities. Guess what happen to people like that? I don't need to describe much. I guess you already know the answer.

How to Be Grateful? What's There to Be Grateful for?
For a start, look for things that are really obvious. Look for things that you have taken for granted. Look for simple things. They are all around you. Some of the things if they are taken away from you, the consequences may be huge too.

Let me provide you with a very generic list which may/may not apply to you. But I believe, if you are able to read this, you are one of the fortunate few. Let's start the ball rolling:

I am thankful for the air that I breathe. It's free.
I am thankful for my working body parts. They serve me well everyday.(If I focus on each and every organs, I will get many more items to be thankful for)
I am thankful for the ability to see, without which, I can't be reading this blog.
I am thankful for the ability to read, many are still illiterate in this world.
I am thankful for understanding, reading and writing in English, being one of the most spoken language on earth.
I am thankful for the internet, information comes so much faster to me.
I am thankful for the gadgets and technology. I have access to necessary information at any given time.
I am thankful for the roof above my head.
I am thankful for my education in whichever way it has been transferred to me.
I am thankful for living in a country that is safe. Some people need to runaway everyday for survival.
I am thankful for the variety of food and drinks that are so available for me.
I am thankful for the friends that I have. Even if I only have one, some people have none.
I am thankful for the job that gives me income to do what I want to do. Needless to say how many jobless people are out there wishing they could be in my shoes.
I am thankful for the library where knowledge is so readily available with no cost.
I am thankful for the transportation system. Some people need to walk 2-3 hours just to get to school.
I am thankful for the water I use for drinking and for other purposes. In some countries, water is such a rare commodity and to some they die of drought.
I am thankful for the availability of electricity which enables me to perform many more activities.
I am thankful for the freedom to read what I want, when I want.
I am thankful for Facebook. It helps me to keep in touch with many of my friends and most importantly to share what I think is awesome.
I am thankful for my parents. Through them I have the above 19 items to be thankful for.

Try it out with just 3 things to be grateful for a day. I can guarantee within 1 week, you will see the world differently. And if you are able to make it a habit (which means doing it for at least 21 days), it will come so naturally that you will be at awe at yourself when you look how far you've come.

To close, I would like to share 2 quotes with all of you. Stay grateful, peeps!

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.

- Brian Tracy

Be thankful for what you have and you will end up having more. But if you concentrate on what you don't have, you'll never, ever have enough.

- Oprah Winfrey

30/08/2012 - I am grateful that my friends requested "Titanium" to be sung live and dedicated it to me. I wouldn't forget that moment as it was the first time someone dedicated a live performance for me, I think. Unless I forgot. :p

What If They Talk About You?

2012-09-22T11:26:00.000+08:00

Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. - Dr. Seuss

Does the quote above sound familiar to you? It's one of those famous quote that has been repeated so many times that it becomes a cliché. But guess what, cliché can really be a great reminder to life. Sometimes what you need is to really keep it simple.

A really great friend came to remind me of this quote recently. Though I have heard of it countless of time, but the beauty of pure and simple truth is that ... they speak to you in unexplainable manner.

I have many friends. Many different groups of people. As I progress through life, I have learned to shed as many skins and masks as possible because carrying them around add weights to my soul. I feel so much lighter to simply be who I am at whatever occasion. I never turn back from such lifestyle anymore.

As I share my life freely with people who are willing to listen, I hold nothing back because what's there to hold back? If you are willing to listen, I'm willing to tell. Was I naive? Maybe. But it's through my naiveness I put the quote above to the test, then I learn who really do matter.

You see, I have learned that instinctively you will know who the people worthy of your stories are. Your heart knows. Normally, they may surprise you, because a great heart is never defined by their social status, wealth, intelligence, education level, words they say, things you do together, time you spend with each other and all other superficial matters. Some people simply stuck in the high-school mentality where they are busy observing and commenting on the lives of others without first understanding them. I believe you know one or two of such people, don't be disheartened. If you know people who talk unceasingly behind your back, you can be rest assured that you are on the right track. Your life is so much more colourful, interesting and awesome that they'd rather talk about yours than theirs.

Eventually, you will discover true gems. Great hearts. Great souls. Once you are able to drop the pretense, disassociate from the negatives and "detox" the unwanted attentions; only then good things flood into your way. True story.

Rare gems tend to hide underneath the dirts. So, don't mind the dirts, you may be closer to the gems than you know. Let the dirts slide through you, keep uncovering. Eventually, you will know who shine the brightest and naturally you'll be drawn to them too, because you are worthy of that.

My Master Who Cried

2012-08-24T23:43:00.004+08:00

I had a master (sifu) who cried.

He cried when a song touched his heart.

He cried when he saw the elderlies were still cleaning the tables.

He cried when students appreciated his works.

He cried when he knew there was so much to do but so little time left.

My sifu has cried more and more as time went by. He didn't seem to be inhibited by what others might think of him. He just let his emotions poured out. I couldn't understand it in the beginning. "He's a man. He's a public figure. He should be tough." - I thought to myself.

But apparently, my thoughts were the truths.

"He's a man!"

"He's a public figure!"

"He's tough!"

Hence he cried.

He had no problems in showing his emotions.

He had no needs to mask his feelings.

He was who he was.

My sifu has passed away. But, as time goes by, I feel that he's more alive than ever. His lessons are never ending. Guess that's what legacy feels like. You don't need to change the world, but when you have touched a few hearts, you already are changing their worlds.

[PBP] Know Your Limits

2012-08-24T09:44:00.001+08:00

For all the people who love to drink in this world, like me, I hope nobody ever needs to use TheSobrietySolution (but for those who need help, please do).Sometimes doing too much of something good will not turn out good either. I've never seen anybody around me (Thank God) who is addicted to that extreme, except on TVs. Something about being an addict to anything, not only it's unsightly, it simply proves you have lost control of your ownself - the only thing you should be in control of. They can control many other things in life and yet they let themselves go. How ironic can that be?

I love drinking with all my heart but I am glad I am not that extreme and there's no addiction and attachment to them. Because I've learned that everything is detachable - except for air and water. Think about it, we don't really need much in life except those 2 important elements for us to survive. If we need so little how come people could just lose themselves and be addicted to stuffs?

Ultimately, like anything else, we have to know our limits. We have to be in total control of no one else but our own body, mind and soul. Sure, we need to let ourselves go sometimes to have fun but don't let it down to the extreme path. For all things to function, don't forget to maintain the equilibrium of any elements in our life. Be balanced, my friends.

Are You Sure They Are Your Friends?

2012-08-15T23:00:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wondered who your friends really are?

Have you ever tried to define what "friends" really are?

I have people who told me "you are a friend" but never once asked me how I am doing ... will that be a type of friend? -> TRUE STORY. I also have people who only come to me when they have problems ... I swear it's true. No problems, no need to talk to Donna. So, am I really their friends?

Let me check the dictionary based on reference.com:

noun

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Whatever definitions you want to give, your heart will know.

My friend, Laura shared this today on her Facebook:

"You just listen to your own heart. That is your teacher." - OSHO

I can relate to that statement strongly. Because no matter how hard I am trying to justify a friendship, my heart ultimately knows who the right ones are:

They are the ones who pick you up when you are down.
They are the ones who pop by for no reason and ask - how are you doing? Ca va?
They are the ones with so much patience that even you behave like an a******, they still tolerate and accept you the way you are. Of course they hate you at that moment but they will come back and give you a hug afterwards.
They are the ones who don't only look for you when they are down but also share their triumphs and nonsenses with you.
They are the ones who need you, not because they are lonely and needy but because they just feel good around you.

In the end, "friend" is just a label. How do you want to define and justify it, it's really up to you. What I know for sure, be very mindful of the people you call "friends". What are they to you? Who are they to you? Will they be there when you really need them the most? If not, are you sure they are your friends? Or are they simply a "label" for easy reference?

Time for Some Clarifications

2012-08-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

Hello my dear subscribers

I am writing this especially for you because you have taken the time to actually subscribe to my blog and read it via email or feed readers. Really appreciate that.

As you know I do accept paid advertisements on my blog in the form of blog posts. This is in order to fund my paypal which will support some charity organizations of my choice. However, I do understand that some of you may not enjoy such postings, hence I do encourage you to follow me on twitter or facebook where I purely shared only my original blog posts and not those paid ones.

Normally, I include the image of my full name below my original blog post. However for paid ones, I will not. In the future I may make put a remark in the title such as [PBP] which stands for Paid Blog Post or [GP] for Guest Post or [R] for Review, so you will know clearly what it is. Not sure if the advertiser will agree with such arrangement but we will see. :)

Thanks again for your understanding and support! :) This kind of message will pop by once in a while so new subscribers may be enlightened too.

Great day/evening ahead, everyone!