Donna Reed In Blue Jeans

Expect An AWESOME Post, Just Not Now.

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:33:00 +0000

i have an AWESOME post, really I do. But I have some photo uploading to do, and well, I just don't have it in me right now. So, I promise to have an AWESOME post. . . at some point in the near future.

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Who's On First?

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:40:00 +0000

Remember the Abbott and Costello skit of "Who's on First"? Yeah, that's pretty much how my conversation with my mom went yesterday while we were shopping at Costco. Here's how it played out:

Me: "Oohh, look at those cute umbrellas!"

Mom: "Yeah, they're on sale."

Me: "Oh really? How much are they?"

Mom: "Five dollars."

Me: "They're on sale for five dollars?"

Mom: "Yeah. For one."

Me: "But there are two in here."

Mom: "Yeah, I know. They're 5 dollars each."

Me: "So, they're 10 dollars?"

Mom: "No, they're 5 dollars."

Me: "Five dollars? But it's originally 20 dollars."

Mom: "Yeah. But it's on sale for 5 dollars."

Me: "They are 5 dollars? Five dollars for two umbrellas?"

Mom: "What's the big deal, Corinne? It's just 15 dollars!"

Me: "What?! You just said that they were FIVE dollars!"

Mom: "Off."

Me: "Huh?"

Mom: "Five dollars off."

Me: "You said they were five dollars."

Mom: "Yeah, I meant they're 5 dollars off."

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"Tylenol Is A Safe Drug"

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:28:00 +0000

It's Red Ribbon week at school. I now have to explain every pill I put into my face portal. And assure them that the liquid I'm washing it down with is "OK" to take medicine with and is advised/approved by the medicine manufacturer.
Holy Moly! It's like they can hear the rattle of Ibuprofen from blocks away and run to the kitchen to make curtain that their mother is not a "druggie".
Well, at least my girls are enthusiastic about being Drug Free. That's a good thing, but I wish they'd ease up so I can take a Tylenol for the headache they're giving me.

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Homeward Bound - Maybe

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 20:12:00 +0000

Mikaela was home sick on Thursday. Laila seemed okay with it. She went to school and seemed perfectly happy. I saw her in the nurses office midday. I didn't get a call saying that I needed to take her home, so I figured everything was okay. I later saw her in the cafeteria, and again, she seemed happy and healthy. After my shift was over, I went to Bailey's middle school and spent the next FOUR HOURS there for parent/teacher conferences (but that's another story). So anyway, when I finally get home, I asked Laila how school was. And this is what she said:

"Do you know that I went to the nurses office twice with a sore throat today, and I couldn't even manage to get myself sent home?!"

That's my little girl.

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Torture By Lip Gloss

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:32:00 +0000

Have you ever let a 3 year old apply lip gloss? On YOUR mouth? It's like Chinese Water Torture.

So there I am, minding my own business, when Sophia comes to me with her lip gloss cell phone. "See my phone, mama? It'sh make-up."

"Yes, I see."

"You want shum?"

Eying the gooey, glittery, jelly gunk separated by tiny trays all conveniently packaged in a slim cell phone looking container, I say, "Ah, no. It's okay, baby."

"Kummon, mama. It'sh okay. Give me your mouff."

"Ah, okay. Just a little bit," I consed. This is Sophie's cue to smear as much of that gelatinous goop across my lips, pass my lip line up towards my cheek, and back toward my nose, all while I grimace, whimper, and try to move my lips and face around so that I can minimize the facial goop slathering. I can feel the glitter scrapping my skin. It's making my skin crawl.

"DON'T MOOF!" Sophie yells.

"O-kay", I whimper out.

"There!" Sophie stands back to admire her handy work with a big grin.

I, on the other hand, am left feeling like I've been slimed by that green ghost thingy from Ghost Busters. I'm jutting my lips out in a weird contorted smile and resisting the urge to wipe all that junk off my face, because I know that if I do, she will only reapply. I must resist the urge until I can steal away to the bathroom, lock the door, and wet wipe my face.

You've won this round, Sophie.

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It's Not A Tumor!

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:46:00 +0000

Mikaela has trouble remembering to hand in her homework, which is sad, considering she spends the time actually doing it every night. So, today Laila says to me, "Mama, Mrs. M. says Mikaela's not handing in her homework."

Turning to Mikaela, I say, "Mikaela, you need to remember to turn in your work."

"Well, it's not my fault. They forget to remind me," is her response.

"Mikaela," I say. "They don't have remind you. It's your job to turn in your homework."

"Well, maybe I have a brain tumor that makes me forget."

Okay. Only some of you actually "know" Mikaela. Those of you who do, know that she has a speech pattern that makes her sound like she's from New England or the East Coast area. Basically she drops her ending "R's" so when she said "tumor" it actually sounded like Arnold in Kindergarten Cop, when he says, "It's not a too-mah".

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with my kids. Where do they come up with these things?

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Corn Maze: Doux

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 01:29:00 +0000

We went to the Corn Maze last year and had a total blast. This year was just as fun, although we opted not to go through the maze because it had rained the day before and the maze was too muddy to meander through. But I think we made up for it in other activities:

The Drive: View of the Florida Mountains (pronounces Flor-ee-da) in New Mexico from my window:

The "Blackhole Slides":

Yeah, Sophie skidded to a halt right where you see her. Too light to carry her any further, I guess.

The Giant Tire Mountain:
You're only seeing the tip of the "iceberg", baby. Trust me when I say, it's GINORMOUS! Okay, maybe not "ginormous", but it's pretty big.

The Enormous Tire Obstacles:

Sophie's smile has gone from Anime to Popeye. Don't ask me why, because I don't know.
The Hay Ride:

Up close and personal with Bailey. Her response to my close up photo? "Uh, momma? How 'bout taking a proper picture of me?" Some people are so touchy.
The Pumpkin Patch: Brian helps the girls select a "perfect pumpkin".
Laila breaks from the group in search for a just right pumpkin.
Sophie found her pumpkin.

Surprising batch of Morning Glory throughout the pumpkin patch.
Bailey,"I found MY pumpkin."
We opted for one that we could actually carry back to the hay ride.
Getting Personal: The Out House. Surprisingly clean. Now, I try not to use any public restrooms at the best of times - if I can hold it till I can get home, I will. I will only use a port-a-potty when I ab-sol-utely HAVE TO. I had to go TWICE while there! Twice. I closed the lid to save you of the contents (although it was pretty clean). Your Welcome.

Sophie's version of lunch:

Sophie driving a tractor:

The Moo How's: Take my word on this, cow's stink, BAD.

Our Total Haul:

The Incredible Hunk

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:29:00 +0000

Laila: Here D, play with the Hunk

Me: HULK.

Laila: Huh?

Me: Huuuulk.

Laila: Huuuunnnk?

Me: No, HUUULLLLk.

Laial: HuuuullllNNNNK?

Me: No, no, no. It's HuLk.

Laila: What the heck is a HULNK?

Me: Hulk. The Incredible HULK, Laila.

Laila: The Incredible Hulnk? I thought it was The Incredible HUNK.

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It's So Frickin' Cold

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:38:00 +0000

Sophie just got out of the shower. She was dragging a towel behind her, dripping with water. She came up to me and said,

"Can you put the towel on me because I'm so frickin' cold."

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Burning Building, Smurning Building

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:37:00 +0000

This weekend I had to take a CPR course. Instead of just renewing my certificate, I had to go through the whole "sha-bang-a-bang" again, because I let it slip - my renewal date came and went. So anyway, for this course we had to pick up a booklet prior to the actual class. As the studious student that I am, I followed directions. I drove all the way downtown to the community college to pick up my booklet. As I was drive toward the college, I had to wait for the multiple fire engines that were whizzing by. "Wow." I though, "Wonder what's going on?" But I'm on a mission, I cannot be distracted by fire engines. I need to get my booklet, by God! I pull into the parking lot and, guess what, the fire engines are parked all around the building. As I walk past a girl, I hear her tell a guy that she was told to get out because the building was on fire. Alrighty.
I'm not familiar with the college, so I ask someone who's exiting another building where Building A is. She points to the one I just passed, you know, the one that's on fire. So I walk back to the building because, I have to get my book. But I'm not dumb. I'm not going in without asking if it's safe. I see a Firefighter and ask him if it's ok if I go into the building that they are circling. He said, "Yeah, you can still go in." Alrighty.
When I get in, it smells like smoke; pungent & acrid - like burning plastic. I walk up a flight of stairs and go to the office that I'm supposed to pick my book up from and the lady there is frantic. "What are you doing in here! You can't be in here! The buildings on FIRE!", she yells.

"But, but," I sputter, "the fireguy said I could come in."

"Well, I'm leaving. I'm not risking my life!"

"Um, okay, but can you give me my book first, please?"

I got my book.

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Beware of Little Old Ladies With Puffy Hair & Big Glasses

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:59:00 +0000

I'd like to preface this post by saying I'm NOT an ageist, so please don't hate me for what I'm about to write. Thank you.

That being said, HOLY COW! An old lady almost killed me yesterday. I was driving down a busy street going about 45 mph (which btw, for clarification purposes, is the speed limit) when this old broad decides to make a left turn in front of my on coming car; which would not have been totally bad even though she really didn't have enough time as the traffic (i.e. me and a few other cars) was coming right at her, if she didn't also decide to stop RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOODY ROAD!!! Just stopped there - in front of me! While I'm coming at her. Because there was a poodle of water. I presume she was afraid to get her car wet, but I don't know, because I'm not insane.
As I bare down on the brakes, lock my elbows for impact (even though I know I'm not supposed to do that) and prepare for the inevitable slamming into the side of her car, I feel a little pop from the brake peddle under my foot. I stopped inches from her car. INCHES! She doesn't even look my way. I mean, this lady is COM-PLETELY oblivious to the havoc she has caused, to not only me, but also the guy behind me who almost ~~crapped his pants~~ slammed into the back of my van, AND everyone else who came to a screeching, terrifying halt. Nothing. Doesn't look my way or even waiver from her concentration of the puddle of water that she is snailing towards.
It's amazing what detail one picks up while their life flashes before their eyes. I saw what kind of car she drives (Newish Lincoln Town Car, in gray), her hair color (light brown, curly and puffy), her glasses (large & taking up most of her face), the puddle of water, the color of car the guy behind me is driving (white sports car), Sophie in the back seat watching The Little Mermaid, my mom sitting next to me with her butt clenched - everything. And yet, this lady saw nothing but a puddle of water.

So, anyway, I'm obviously alive. I was telling Brian what happened - describing the near accident in detail, when Mikaela said, "OH! I think I know that lady! Did she have big puffy hair and HUGE round glasses?"

"Mikaela," I said, "You just described 90% of all old ladies."

"Ok, but was she coming from Aunties house? Because I think I might know who it was if she was."

According to Mikaela, the general public should beware of little "old ladies with BIG puffy hair and HUGE round glasses." AKA: Grandma Mazur or Estelle Getty.

You've been warned.

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Darth Vader Vs. Anakin Skywalker

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 11:51:00 +0000

Yesterday was Curly J's Star Wars theme birthday party; he was dressed as Anakin Skywalker. When Darth Vader (AKA Brian) walked into the house, all the boys screamed and ran out the back door. They were a little freaked. After they all settled down and Darth Vader promised not to "kill them" (as per request) they agreed to take photos with him. It was too cute. So here are the photos of Anakin Skywalker with what he will become - Darth Vader.

After the photo op, Anakin and Darth Vader had a mighty battle. Apparently Anakin was trying to kill his inner darkness.

The light sabers were supposed to be party favors - you know, to be handed out when they leave. Well, the kids got a hold of them and were battling it out on the lawn. So, when Darth Vader was walking by or posing for a photo, random kids (read: boys) couldn't help taking a sneaky jab at his backside, or more often, his "codpiece". Poor Darth Vader took a beating. All for the love.

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Let Me Get My Horse

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 16:36:00 +0000

Set Up: Sophie and I are about to leave to get the twins from school.

Me: Okay Sophie, let me get my purse and then we can go.

Sophie: Okay mommy. Let me get my, uhhh .... (looks around) HORSE!

Me: Uh, OK.

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(Princess) Darth Sophia

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:59:00 +0000

Tomorrow is my nephew, Curly J's, birthday party. He's having a Star Wars theme; and, like last year, Brian is playing a part in the theme. You guessed it, Uncle Brian will be playing the part of Darth Vader (pictures to come). The only problem is that Sophia is scared out of her mind every time she sees the helmet/mask. So, to get her familiarized with the thing and, of course, to get her to not be afraid; we let her wear the mask - showed her all the buttons and sound effects. After a while, we couldn't get her to put the thing down.

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Sophie, the Gidget

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 21:06:00 +0000

Overheard morning conversation:`

Set up: Mikaela is in a mood this morning (as per norm). I shush her saying I didn't want her to wake the baby (Sophia).

Mikaela: "I don't know why people still call Sophie a baby. She's not a baby anymore."

Laila: "Well, she's kind of a baby. But, she's kind of not, so I guess she's a midget."

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Holy Cats!

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 03:22:00 +0000

I CANNOT wait for this movie comes out!!! It looks so freaking awesome - so much better than the original!

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

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Duh, Mom!

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 03:46:00 +0000

Sophie comes into my room to rat Laila out:

Sophie: "Mama, Laila's being a bad girl."

Me: "What's new?"

Sophie: "Aaaahhhh, Laila's beeeiinngg a bad girl." (Implied "DUH")

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Don't Sweat The Pressure

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:06:00 +0000

I haven't had much time for blogging, or reading my favorite blogs (you'll have to forgive me, I'm very behind), but between working at the school, getting sick, feeling like I'm going to die, wanting to die, doctor's appointments, errands, homework, and general life - my poor blog has suffered. Did I mention that my house looks like someone set a bomb in the living room? It's pretty sad. But, for whatever reason, I remembered this funny little story told to me by my mother that involves my mom (obviously), Bailey, and a grocery store blood-pressure machine:

Before I had the twins my mom often took Bailey out on errands with her while I was at work or school. On this occasion, she went to her bank which was located inside a grocery store. The line was pretty long and progressing very slowly and the four year old Bailey was getting antsy. Nearby, Bailey sees a chair with a cuff and cool buttons; she asked Grandma if she could go sit in it and Grandma said "yes". Bailey stuck her arm in the cuff and pressed some buttons and before she knew it, the cuff was squeezing the everliving life out of her arm. In a panic, she tried to pull her arm free, but it wouldn't budge. She screamed out to Grandma for help, who, upon seeing her granddaughter's panic stricken face, also flew into a panic. She ran to Bailey, arms flailing, purse wielding wildly, and tried to pull her arm from the device, to no avail. At this point, both she and Bailey were crying and screaming for help. Out of the line saunters a lady, who calmly walks over and presses the BIG red release button and Bailey was freed from the vice-grip hold that imprisoned her arm. After pressing the button, the lady turned around without saying a word and walked back to her place in line.
And that my friends sums up my mom in a nutshell.

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Festering Pool Of Disease!

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 23:50:00 +0000

After a week. No! After only a few days of working at the twins elementary school, I have contracted some sort of contagious funk. I thought it was my allergies at first, but it went from me sneezing my eyeballs out of my face to my head feeling like it was going to split from the pressure of the congestion, to my entire body aching, and sneezing, and coughing, and feeling completely drained (I would have thought I had the flu, but I didn't have a fever). All while trying to deal with kids coming to me to say, "That girls over there said my eyes are ugly," to "he punched me in the stomach". But I think it's this kid who got me sick.
I swear that he looks just like Beaky Buzzard. He is a cutie, and while wiping off the dirt that was flung in his face by another kid, I also wiped the green oozing boogers from his nose because it was just bothering me. And, so I'm sick. And thus begins my love affair with Hand Sanitizer.

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What The Weboo?

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 16:26:00 +0000

Look at what I found cruising the web:

They're SHOES! How cute are they?! My four year old nephew, Curly J, would go CRAZY for the T-Rex shoes. And the Sophie says she "wants these shoes" (pointing to the crazy googly eyed shoes). But, they're kind of pricey in my opinion; between $35 - $45 per pair. Maybe I'm just cheap. They come in all different colours. Anyway, here's the link if you like them: Weboo Shoes

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Schools, Exams, and Stress

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:06:00 +0000

It's been so crazy busy here - I haven't been able to sit down at the computer for more than a few minutes at a time, and only to look something up regarding schools (both the twins' and mine).

So, we've decided to retain our twins. It took a lot of consideration and really, a lot of tears (mine and the twins), but I feel in my heart that we are making the right choice. I was advised when they were in Kindergarten by the best Kindergarten teacher ever (she also had Bailey) to retain them then, but I didn't listen to her advice. We moved to California, and they struggled. Moved back to Texas, and they struggled even more. I asked that they be retained in the 1st grade, but this time their new school was resistant. In retrospect, I should have pushed harder; been more firm, but hindsight's 50/50. What's done is done. I just have to try to make up for my mistakes. So now they're repeating the 2nd grade. I didn't want them to go back to their previous school, and honestly, I didn't want them to stay in the same district, because I feel that they (the district) didn't do things with my children's best interest in mind. I really can't get into it without giving too much personal information, and being long winded and quite possibly incredibly boring. Let's just say, it all comes down to federal funding and district's desire to get it. I was told that the twins will be "protected under the umbrella" and that "they'll float through the system". I don't want my children to float, I want them to swim. Any school district that would say these words are not in it for the kids. Because I want the twins out of this school district, I've been struggling for the past few weeks to get Mikaela and Laila into a different district - a district that I feel they should be in anyway as everyone around us is in this other district. And the school is closer to our house. I'm not really sure why we are in the neighboring towns district. It makes absolutely no sense to me. A friend who lives closer to the neighboring town is in the district, and school, that is closer to me. Makes no sense. We're like this tiny island in the correct district's water. I got a part time job in the school so that the twins can go there, but it's only good for one school year or as long as I work there. Bottom line, they are registered in the school I wanted.

So I've been dealing with that. Plus, last week I went up to the DFW area to take a two day course/exam to license me to practice as a Dental Assistant. The thing is, I should have already taken this. I've taken a dental assistant course, and put in the externship hours, but I never took the State Board Exam. I can list a bunch of excuses as to why I didn't take the exam, but when it comes down to it, I dropped the ball. So here I am, three years after the fact, taking the SBE. I was so stressed out about the twins' school situation that I forgot to be nervous about my exam. But, I think I did well. I hope I did. Cross your finger's for me. I'm hoping to get a job as a dental assistant. I also hope to finally finish my Dental Hygiene degree, but I have a feeling that will have to wait.

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When Playing Goes Too Far

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 23:45:00 +0000

Mikaela and Laila are wrestling on the floor.

Laila: "Pretend I punched the bejeezus out of you."

Mikaela: "Okay, pretend I pooted in your mouth"

Pause a beat for it to register in Laila's brain. Laila runs away.

Mikaela: (quickly adds) "I'm Not really going to poot in your mouth!"

Laila: "I've heard that before!"

What is wrong with my girls?

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Fun Fishtails

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 15:56:00 +0000

We all know that picking toys is not easy. It doesn't matter if you're a veteran parent or, say, an uncle with no kids wanting to buy a cool, neat, educational toy for his niece - it's tough all around. There's a toy website called ebeanstalk, dedicated to selecting good, safe baby toys. BUT they need help from moms like me to help pick the toys. The toy they sent is called Groovy Girls MacKenna Mermaid from Manhattan Toy, who makes great developmental toys. Here is the deal on this toy…

Sophia LOVES it.
I'd go so far as to say she LURVES it.

(No, Sophie has not grown a mustache. That's from a chocolate donut. And, yes, those are packing tape bracelets on her arms.)

I love Groovy Girls - Bailey, Mikaela, and Laila each got one for Christmas a few years ago, and now Sophia has one, too. The one they sent me (or, actually, Sophie) is a mermaid with a removable tail sleeve. MacKenna Mermaid has legs under the tail, plus she also came with an outfit so that she's stylin' as a mermaid or as a groovy girl. It is so awesome - Sophie calls her Fishy. She has not put the thing down since it arrived. I've had to "fish" (HA! I kill me) it out of the twins' room, because they wanted to play with it too.

Sophie gives this toy her Grin of Approval, and if it means anything to anyone; I think this toy is awesome, I want one.

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Mikaela's View on Motherhood

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 04:25:00 +0000

Set up: Mikaela and I are looking at my flower bed and I'm trying to find and show her the garden spider that I had spied the day before, but it was gone.

Me: Well, Mikaela, I guess the spider went away.

Mikaela: Or maybe it laid some eggs and died, because a spider dies when she lays her eggs. You know why mama? Because her soul dies when she lays her eggs.

Me: Oh. Really. Hmmm. Okay

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My Purse Is Famous

noreply@blogger.com (Monkey Toe Momma) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 12:05:00 +0000

So, I was watching TV a while back and notice that my purse is in a commercial. A Fiber One Yogurt commercial. Here's a clip. **Note: it's a poor quality video, but you can't miss my purse:
Now, here's a photo of me with my purse (the sad fact is that I also have the sunglasses):

First the "Call Corinne" post-it on the Wheat Thins box and now this. I officially think I have a stalker. Eerie.

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