Photo courtesy of Stuck In Customs via Flickr

I lost my 7 1/2 year “day job” in July. It was a nowhere job that wasn’t even in my interests and I only worked it to have a steady paycheck and health insurance. I won’t go into details about how I lost my job, but let’s just say that I didn’t deserve it and I hope no one ever has to go through what I did. I immediately lost my health insurance and to this day I don’t have coverage. I keep my fingers crossed every single day that I won’t get seriously hurt. Why? Because…

I’ve had a lot of health problems and accidents over the past 8+ years, including but not limited to, a herniated disc in my lower back with a side of sciatica from a car accident (I got rear-ended… you can stop laughing now), a tumor the size of a golf ball on my thyroid that caused me to gain over 100 pounds, bouts of depression & agoraphobia, a broken ankle that forced me to learn how to walk again, double pneumonia TWICE, and numerous little ailments, some stemming from pre-existing injuries. I seriously need to be careful, eh?

One week after losing my job, someone decided to report this lil’ ol’ blog to my hosting company. What did I do wrong? I had music on my server. Copyrighted music. That I used a plugin to share that didn’t even allow people to download the tracks… only listen to them. I even provided links to download the music from iTunes or Amazon. How audacious of me! I must have been a terrible person for sharing music, right?! I mean, I can understand if it was the RIAA, but according to my hosting company, it wasn’t. It was a random fucking person, who I like to call ‘Captain RIAA’. Who takes it upon themselves to report someone when they have nothing to gain? An asshole, that’s who. I had to wipe all of the music from my server so I didn’t get my site shut down, causing all of my posts embedded with music to stop working unless they contained mashups, Creative Commons, or were embeddable mixtapes from 8tracks.com. If you were wondering why most of the music on my site wouldn’t stream, now you know. I still need to fix this. *le sigh*

For the first time in my life, I had to file for unemployment. It sucked. It took so long to get approved (almost 2 months!) while I had no income that I almost lost my apartment, my car, my pets… everything. I don’t have family that can help me and I’m pretty much on my own. If it wasn’t for a few of my friends helping me with bills, I don’t know where I would be right now. I love them and appreciate them more than they will ever know.

What was a girl to do? I decided to do freelance web design full-time. What a scary thing to do in this economy, but I have the skills and no one was hiring, so it was more like why not? Yes, it’s an everyday struggle to find clients and not get a hardcore case of cabin fever, but it’s worth it. I’m finally doing what I love, and losing my job was probably the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Why? Well…

I started a diet at the end of April. I turned 30 on April 9th (yes, I’m April born in April) and I had sat down and took stock of my life. I was not happy with myself at all. I didn’t love myself. Everyone should love themselves! I decided that I needed to get rid of the weight I packed on once and for all. No more gaining it back or letting anything get in my way. This time I would do it! And you know what? To date, I’ve lost almost 80 pounds! I got myself a snazzy new wardrobe and I’m feeling great. If you are wondering how I did it, I’m using Weight Watchers. I even have the app on my iPhone so I clock every single point in that thing and it has paid off. I’ve literally shed almost an entire person! Whodathunkit?! If I had stayed at my old job, I think my depression would have crept back and I would have gained back the weight I was starting to lose. See, I’m not the type of person who eats when they are stressed; it’s the opposite actually. However, eating once a day slows your metabolism and your body ends up gaining weight because it thinks you are starving. I actually eat more now than I did before and I’m still losing weight. Oh, yeah!

Since shedding my former job and a LOT of weight, I decided to do some more shedding: I asked for a divorce. I wasn’t happy being in a relationship to make someone else happy. It was that simple. People have asked me why I would do this since the man I was married to was, and still is, my best friend. I can only say that you would only understand if you were in my shoes. Marriage and relationships in general are quite complicated, and no single two are alike. I wasn’t cheated on, I wasn’t beaten, and I wasn’t treated like trash (unlike my first marriage). I was loved and I loved in return. Sometimes shit just doesn’t work out.

Where am I now? Still living in South Florida, but probably not for much longer. The cost of living is too high and I have other options now. Where will I go? I don’t know 100% yet, but even if I end up staying where I am, I know that I’ll be happy because, for the first time in my life, I’m happy with myself and I love myself. As long as I have that, it doesn’t matter where I am. It’s amazing how when you start loving yourself, you start finding happiness wherever you are, even if it is in a humid tourist trap like South Florida.

I haven’t had as much time lately to be social online like I used to be, but I’m gonna fix that ASAP. I miss everyone so much and while I have been a tad silent of late, I have been checking on everyone. Yes, I stalk Facebook and Twitter profiles. I’m sorry if I haven’t gotten back to everyone when I should have or if I’ve made anyone think I’ve been neglectful or didn’t care. I do care, dammit! I just wish there were more minutes in the day, or even more hours, know what I mean? I AM working on my time management skills and I swear to Grilled Cheezus (Gleek alert!) that I will put aside time for everyone. If it wasn’t for a lot of you, I would have lost what was left of my mind a long time ago. I feel so guilty and selfish working on myself (even though I shouldn’t) and I promise I’ll make it up to you and let you all know how much I love you.

Is that it? Nope! What is a blog post from without some music? I may not be able to share certain types of music anymore, but that won’t stop me from spreading some sort of love. I decided to include an awesome mashup from DJ Lobsterdust. It’s a mash of Far East Movement’s ‘Like A G6′ and MGMT’s ‘Kids’ titled ‘G6 Kids’. Lobsterdust describes it as “the biggest party anthem of 2010 mashed with the biggest indie anthem of 2009″. Whether you agree with his description or not, you’d have to agree this mashup is pretty damn badass. I’m also giving you the link to download it. Why? Because I can. Holla! Screw you, Captain RIAA!

DJ Lobsterdust – G6 Kids (Far East Movement vs. MGMT)

Download (Right-click and save)

Post Images courtesy of sarah azavezza. via Flickr

Every day we listen to so many things and we take a lot of them for granted. Imagine never being able to hear the voice of your children. Imagine never hearing someone telling you that they love you. Imagine never hearing the sound of rain, or the other beautiful sounds of nature. Now imagine never being able to listen to music. I shudder at the thought.

I couldn’t even begin to think of all the songs that I’ve heard through my 30 years on this earth. A lot of music has gotten me through a lot of hard times; Songs that made me jump up and dance, heal my broken heart, and songs that inspired me. If it wasn’t for my sense of hearing, I don’t know if I would even be the same person I am today.

Some of my favorite things to hear:

• My son’s voice. There is nothing more sweet than the sound of your child’s voice. Hearing him cry for the first time rates as the highest sound on my list, because it has stayed with me forever.
• The sounds my husband makes while sleeping. Just hearing him breathe next to me makes me feel so good.
• A quiet night, when the sounds of crickets amidst the silence calm the soul.
• My own voice. I don’t mean that I like to hear myself talk, but I would have a hard time coping with not knowing what my voice sounds like.
• Birds. I love the sound of birds in my backyard chirping away in the morning. It’s as though they are singing a song just for me. I love that feeling.
• Jazz. No explanation needed.
• The rain. Not when it’s storming or sprinkling, but the sounds of a soft and subtle constant stream of rain. Hearing the thunder before the rain is like an appetizer for the main course.
• My friends. I love talking to people and hearing their voices, their accents, the tone their voice takes when expressing different emotions. It’s just beautiful.
• Laughter. Laughter is contagious, and there is something to be said for our ability to feel happy simply by listening to the sounds of laughter. “Snorting laughter” especially!
• The emotion you hear in a talented musician’s voice when they are actually feeling the emotion of the lyrics they are singing. Emotion in a singer’s voice is the whipped cream on a song.

These are just a few things that I appreciate hearing every day. A life without sound, for having been born with it, would be heart-wrenching to lose. If I had been born without the ability to hear, I could never have experienced any of these things. Perhaps I wouldn’t miss something I never had, but I would always wonder what everything sounded like.

I wanted to discuss my love of hearing because the Hear the World initiative is having a contest to bring awareness to the sense of hearing and hearing loss prevention. The c0ntest is a photography one, having entrants submitting pictures of themselves cupping their own ear. Many celebrites have already been photographed by musician Bryan Adams, each with their hand cupping one of their ears. Some of the celebrities who have participated in the Hear the World initiative are Amy Winehouse, Sting, Billy Idol, Peter Gabriel, Annie Lennox, and Harry Belafonte. You can see the whole list here.

Some information about entering the contest:

To further spread the message of hearing awareness and to give all Hear the World fans across the country a chance to show their support and commitment to the cause, Hear the World is launching the ‘Show Us Your Hearing’ photography competition, giving you the chance to win a new Polaroid 300 and to be featured in the award-winning Hear the World magazine!

To enter the contest, simply submit a photo of you, or a friend and family member, in the famed ‘Conscious Pose of Hearing.’ All entries will be posted to the Hear The World gallery for public voting, and the final winner and runner up will be selected by a panel of judges from the Hear the World initiative from the top five images that received the most votes. Voting begins on July 13th, 2010.

If you are interested in participating, you can click here to enter the contest. In the meantime, why don’t you share what your favorite sounds are in the comments and what hearing means to you? For me, it’s the whole world.

Also, for your “hearing” pleasure, here is one of my favorite songs from Ludwig van Beethoven. I chose a song from Beethoven because he loved music so much, he continued to compose even after he lost his own sense of hearing. The haunting Piano Sonata No. 14 in C♯ minor “Quasi una fantasia”, better known as Moonlight Sonata, was composed not long before he became completely deaf.

Image courtesy of Reavel via Flickr

I got my first iPhone, a 16 GB 3G, over a year ago out of necessity. Since I am an AT&T customer, my only options at the time were between a BlackBerry or an iPhone. Since most people I knew had an iPhone, I decided to get one. I was not disappointed at all. It was a huge upgrade from the Samsung BlackJack II I had been using at the time. Even though the phone I purchased was refurbished, I didn’t have any problems with it and over a year later the battery is still going strong.

With the launch of the new iPhone 4, upgrading from a 3G iPhone was a big upgrade for me. I wanted a better camera, some sort of multi-tasking, and a faster phone since I am a heavy user. I also invested money into the apps I owned so getting another iPhone was the best solution for me. I just happened to be one of the lucky few that were able to order their phone the first day through AT&T’s website. I had never ordered anything at launch before and I wasn’t expecting the mass chaos over the iPhone 4 because there are so many other phones out there now, especially with the open source Android OS. I don’t think anyone expected that millions of people would crash 2 websites at launch over a phone, but it happened and here we are.

I received my iPhone 4 via Fedex on June 23rd from AT&T. My excitement over the new phone had been raised by the fact that I was lucky to have been able to get one at all. Then I activated it. I had no signal when I touched my phone. My first thought was that it was an AT&T issue. After realizing that the signal dropped every time I picked it up, I realized something was amiss and did a quick Google search and found that people were reporting the same problems. This was not good.

Being a cross-dominant person, I favor my right hand for certain tasks and my left for others. Unfortunately for me, I favor my left hand when using the phone, which makes the reception problem worse because of where I place my fingers on the phone. I can’t just hold it differently or I would drop my phone and probably break it. I didn’t have a case yet so I slipped my old iPhone case on and guess what? Problem solved! No reception problems whatsoever regardless of where I was or how I handled the phone. In fact, I found that the phone loaded data faster even when I had a low signal, whereas my old phone wouldn’t load anything at all on the same strength.

I understand that holding the phone on the metal sides will block the antenna, but if Apple knew this, then they should have given me a free “bumper” with the phone. Instead, I was told that I was holding it wrong and to buy a bumper. Gee, thanks Apple. If that is the type of customer support you get when you own a Mac, I’ll be buying another PC when I get my next computer instead of the Mac Book Pro I wanted. Also, if you are reading this Mr. Jobs, please explain to me how a software update is going to fix a hardware issue aka design flaw.

Another problem I have with the iPhone 4 is the proximity sensor. When I am on a call, the screen should go black and not let my ear or face interfere and select something on the screen. Instead, I’m finding myself turning on the keypad and dialing numbers, muting calls, turning on the speaker, etc. While this problem could be fixed with a software update, it’s rather annoying to use my phone unless I am using the speakerphone, which I prefer not to unless I need my hands free to do something while I am talking. In regards to this problem, I’m surprised Apple hasn’t told me to buy a headset yet.

The next problem I’ve encountered is that the screen goes completely black on a call and won’t turn back on, like the proximity sensor has been disabled completely and I have to turn my phone off and back on to correct it. Hopefully this is part of the problem above and will be fixed with a software update.

I did have an issue with the touchscreen on the phone, out of nowhere, stop working completely. I couldn’t even unlock the phone and had to restart the phone by pressing two buttons. Out of all the problems, this one scared me the most because a bumper can fix my reception issue and a software update can fix the proximity sensor, but if something happens and the screen won’t work at all, I can’t access anything. What if there was an emergency? I wouldn’t have time to restart my phone and hope it worked again. At the end of the day, it’s a phone and if I can’t dial 911 if I need to, then it’s useless. I hope this is an anomaly or Apple can release an update that addresses this issue.

On the plus side, I haven’t experienced the volume buttons reversed or yellow discoloration on the screen. I would return my phone in an instant if I had those problems. Those are obvious flaws that can only be fixed by getting a new phone. I feel bad for people experiencing these problems on top of the main ones that everyone except Steve Jobs is having. Then again, Steve Jobs did have a problem with reception during his presentation, huh? Blaming the audience using WiFi is the equivalent of blaming AT&T for the dropped calls. Yes, AT&T is overloaded in certain areas, but holding the phone in a way that blocks the antenna is, again, a hardware issue.

All in all, I’m satisfied with my iPhone 4, but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone until these problems are fixed. I’ve found it shameful how Apple has treated it’s customers and if the iPhone does actually become available through Verizon, more people will see how often Apple likes AT&T to take the fall for reception problems. There will be no more “Blame AT&T! Switch to Verizon!” going on. The truth will show that the iPhone has more problems than Apple is willing to admit to. Even other smart phones have reception problems, but the way the other companies have handled it is completely different than the approach that Apple is taking.

I’ll keep my iPhone 4 for now because I don’t really have a choice financially at this point, but next time I’m in the market for a new phone, I’ll be shopping for a phone that runs on Android and eat my paid app losses. Yes, I’ll miss having a product that I once loved, but Apple’s complete disregard for their customers has left a sour taste in my mouth that will be lingering for a long time.

There is nothing hotter than a pair of Chucks, so I decided to create some iPhone wallpapers for all you other Converse fans out there. All of these photos are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.0 License.

• Each photo was edited by me for use as a wallpaper for your iPhone.
• Each photo is given credit to the original photographer.

If you like any of these wallpapers, download them by right-clicking the image and choosing “Save as”.

Ready to see the goods? Here we go!

Aqua Blue Converse (Image courtesy of Toni S.)

B&W Red Converse (Image courtesy of HeyThereSpaceman)

Peace Converse (Image courtesy of ClaretGrape)

Pink Converse (Image courtesy of Luminitsa)

Macro Converse (Image courtesy of Mylia)

Grungy Blue Converse (Image courtesy of Smeerch)

B&W Converse (Image courtesy of DaveyBot)

Orange Converse (Image courtesy of FanBoy30)

That’s it! Feeling greedy? Click here to download all the wallpapers in a ZIP file. Unpack and enjoy.

Top image courtesy of ClaretGrape

As always, this mix was made via 8tracks.com and if you love making mixes, be sure to check them out. Now hit play and bask in some sexy indie pop tunage.

Track Listing:

Kiss That Grrrl – Kate Nash
Fallen Over – Rose Elinor Dougall
Sex – The Pipettes
Julia, We Don’t Live In The 60′s – The Indelicates
You Told A Lie – Camera Obscura
If You Were Alien – The Brunettes
Mowgli’s Road – Marina & The Diamonds
The Great Unwanted – Lucky Soul
Wish I Stayed – Ellie Goulding feat. Frankmusik
Here Comes The Serious Bit – The Long Blondes

If you like any of the songs listed above, support the artist by purchasing them.

Lately, I’ve begun to see a trend. Maybe it’s because I’m enjoying my time seeing the world through rose colored glasses, but being around negative vibes is unavoidable when I allow myself to be subjected to it. No more. I’m hanging up on the people who spend all their time complaining about how terrible their life is and do nothing about it. I’m hanging up on the people who would love nothing but a bullshit flame war because they have so much anger inside that they taunt you into replying to their negative comments to get some sort of reaction. I’m over it, over it… so fucking over it.

There are several people I’ve decided to hang up on, but there is one in particular who inspired this post. I’m not going to name any names, but almost every time I’ve come in contact with this person, this “Suspect Negative“, all they do is complain. They complain about how their life is so terrible. They complain about their living situation. They complain about not having a job. They complain about their family. They complain about how no one understands. They complain about almost everything and it’s in endless rants via Twitter, so not only was I getting to hear about their problems, it was only at 140 characters at a time and the rants would continue, over and over, for hours at times, about the same things every night.

I watched as people would try to give Suspect Negative advice or lift their spirits up. Some even offered to talk in private about it since they went through the same things and wanted to help, but this particular person would rather wallow in their own misery than to take an offer to talk to someone. Instead, the people who were offering help in various forms and just overall trying to help change Suspect Negative’s perspective, they were being yelled at for it, as if it was their fault, and consequently were hanging up on Suspect Negative themselves. I mean, the audacity of someone being so rude to the people who are trying to help while this person claims that they have no friends is absolutely awful. Suspect Negative?! Negative confirmed.

However, before I completely hung up on Suspect Negative, I went through their blog to see if there was anything there that I didn’t know about. I was trying to see the glass as half full and not give up on this person. What I found was even worse than what I already knew, what I already heard. Not only was the blog a continuous rant of what I’d already seen, some of the posts were there merely as excuses for their behavior and in one, there were some really nasty things said that I would never condone. It was the final nail in the coffin. Right then and there, I hung up on Suspect Negative and I’m not looking back. Suspect Negative has never took responsibility for their own actions and makes excuses for their behavior. This is someone who is not a friend to themselves, so how could they even begin to be a friend to me or anyone else? Love starts within, and without that, you have nothing.

Since eliminating Suspect Negative, I’m already feeling better. I didn’t realize how much this person’s negativity was bringing me down and how much it was clogging my timeline. There is nothing like feeling like you are having a bad day and in going online to bring your spirits up, you find something positive or humorous. Sure, everyone has their moments when they just want to kvetch about something and I do it myself, but the same thing on a loop – a literal Twitter broken record – is just too much. I’d rather surround myself with people who have mostly positive energy and make you smile than someone who makes you feel like them: sad, depressed, and just altogether down. Ah, the beauty of the unfollow button. Isn’t it grand?

One a side note, I recently met Melena. While discussing positivity through a mutual friend, we were introduced and I read a blog post about her challenge. Melena is trying to have a “Positive Tweets Week”, where for one week, everyone participating tries their hardest to not be negative. That’s it. It doesn’t mean that you have to talk about rainbows and unicorns and shit, but just try to avoid being overly negative. Some people are actively participating and while it may not be much, it’s better than doing nothing at all and I’m sure that some of the people involved have been challenged this week by thinking more about what they are about to say and how it affects the people who will read it before they hit send. I’m hoping this experiment will continue on in spirit once the week is out and we can all see how our actions ripple across the pond, good or bad.

Only we can choose to have positive energy in our lives, and if you are willing to let it in, it can have a profound effect. The sun may shine a little brighter, the day may be a little warmer, and your creativity may bloom. You can be skeptical all you want, but how will you know unless you try?

I’m willing to loan out my pair of rose colored glasses. They are pretty kickass.

Image courtesy of emily ✭ brigid via flickr

The Genesis of Butterflies by Victor Hugo (1802 – 1885)

The dawn is smiling on the dew that covers
The tearful roses; lo, the little lovers
That kiss the buds, and all the flutterings
In jasmine bloom, and privet, of white wings,
That go and come, and fly, and peep and hide,
With muffled music, murmured far and wide.
Ah, the Spring time, when we think of all the lays
That dreamy lovers send to dreamy mays,
Of the fond hearts within a billet bound,
Of all the soft silk paper that pens wound,
The messages of love that mortals write
Filled with intoxication of delight,
Written in April and before the May time
Shredded and flown, playthings for the wind’s playtime,
We dream that all white butterflies above,
Who seek through clouds or waters souls to love,
And leave their lady mistress in despair,
To flit to flowers, as kinder and more fair,
Are but torn love-letters, that through the skies
Flutter, and float, and change to butterflies.

Image courtesy of mel!nka via Flickr

I AM ME

For once I can say that I know who I am as a person. I am okay with my faults because they are a part of me. What you see is what you get. I wear my heart on my sleeve and make no apologies for it. I like writing AND designing, and I don’t feel the need to only do one or the other. I CAN have my cake and eat it, too. It took me a long time to get to this place. My whole life, I’ve always doubted myself. I’m my own worst critic and rather than appreciating what I do, I would compare myself with the people I was surrounded by, the people I looked up to.

An example was most recently within the design community. Being self-taught, I saw other “designers” and felt like I was inferior. Only over time did I realize that just because I am self-taught doesn’t mean that I’m any less of a designer than people who went to art school, and I’m no less a designer because I haven’t mastered Illustrator… yet.  Creating a website with HTML or a WordPress site with CSS & PHP is still design; it’s just another path to express your creativity. I also know some designers that don’t know basic HTML, which is a real pity. A basic link? C’mon people!

By putting my worries aside and realizing that I am not that inferior girl wondering what everyone thinks, I now do not care what people think. I mean, I like it when people say they like what I do, but I don’t care about the people who don’t. It’s about what I like and I’ve applied this to every aspect of my life. I’m tired of giving a shit about other people’s opinions and frankly, at the end of the day, mine is all that matters.

My view of life so far can be summed up in the words of Marilyn Monroe:

I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things call fall together.

THIRTY GOING ON TWENTY

So here I am, a thirty year old who finally knows who she is, but I’m thirty! I used to think that your thirties was when you got married, had babies, and lived in a house with a white picket fence. The good ol’ American dream, right? That may be a nice idea for some, but I’m on my second marriage and have a son who is a teenager. That sounds more like your forties, right? Not for me. I may have started my life experiences a little sooner than most, but some things will end earlier than most.

I don’t plan to have any more children, so my thirties won’t be spent chasing around a screaming baby. I love kids, but I want to focus on me and enjoy my life. It may sound selfish, but it’s the truth.

I certainly don’t aspire to be rich. Money is great, but I’m content when my bills are paid and I have food in my mouth. Stressing about money all the time was unhealthy for me and if I do make more money, it’s more I get to spend on myself and take a well-deserved vacation. I’d like to own my own home, but I’m content having a roof over my head. I’d rather spend money on life experiences and live in an apartment.

So what does all this lead to? Since I won’t have any kids and I’m not worried about a mortgage, my thirties are going to be spent like my twenties were, but better. I get a reboot, but with all the knowledge and experience I didn’t have before. Sounds awesome, right?! I think so. Sure, there will be days that I feel my age or older, and even some where I feel really young, but thirty is just thirty. Thirty is a state of mind, and while my birth certificate says how many years I’ve spent on this planet, my state of mind will be right where I want it to be: living in the moment and loving who I am, because everything will be just fine.

Just Fine by Mary J. Blige

Top Image courtesy of Donna Grayson via Flickr
Bottom Image courtesy of PJ Taylor via Flickr

I came across a pretty badass video on vimeo called Nature By Numbers. It’s gorgeous animation was done by Etérea Studios, a graphic and animation studio run by graphic designer and 3D artist Cristóbal Vila. Etérea focuses on CGI services for clients. Nature By Numbers is described as “a short movie inspired on numbers, geometry, and nature.”

Nature by Numbers from Cristóbal Vila on Vimeo.

After viewing Nature By Numbers, I went to Etérea’s official site and watched some of Cristóbal Vila’s other videos. Vila’s work is breathtaking. I’ve included two other videos of his called Isfahan, which is inspired by Persian architecture, as well as Snakes, described as “an animated 3D short based on a woodcut by M. C. Escher.” Both are stunning examples of CGI as an art form. Kudos to Cristóbal Vila for his imagination and technique in creating these videos.

Isfahan from Cristóbal Vila on Vimeo.

Snakes from Cristóbal Vila on Vimeo.