Dorks And Losers

Jay Leno On Barack Obama’s Recent Airplane Troubles

Tan The Man — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:22:39 +0000

“Barack Obama’s airplane had to make an unscheduled stop because of mechanical problems. While the pilot was steering to the left, the plane was apparently drifting to the right.” — Jay Leno on Barack Obama’s recent airplane troubles

Quote On Luc Richard Mbah a Moute

Tan The Man — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:54:17 +0000

“Ron Artest without the crazy.” — A scout’s description of Milwaukee Bucks’ 2008 second-round draft choice Richard Mbah a Moute [The Sporting News 7/7/08 (pg. 19)]

Top 5: Miss Universe 2008

Tan The Man — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 06:30:55 +0000

I refuse to number these beauties by pageant placement or by their attractiveness, instead choosing to go the alphabetical route. I love them all!

Top 5

Marianne Cruz Gonzalez (Dominican Republic)

[photos via Global Beauty Pageant]

[photo via Miss Universe]

[photo via En Linea 09]

Vera Krasova (Russia)

[photo via Global Beauties]

[photo via Tapchihoahau]

[photo via Miss Universe]

Dayana Mendoza (Venezuela)

[photos via Pageant Hub]

[photo via Miss Universe]

Elisa Najera (Mexico)

[photo via A.M.]

[photo via Japanest]

[photo via Miss Universe 2008 (Flickr)]

[photo via Miss Universe]

Taliana Vargas (Colombia)

[photo via Pageant Hub]

[photo via Vietnam Net]

[photo via Miss Universe]

Honorable Mention

Snjezana Loncarevic (Croatia)

[photos via Pageant Hub]

Laura Dundovic (Australia)

[photo via Ker-plunk]

[photo via Day Life]

Alizee Poulicek (Belgium)

[photo via Miss Belgique]

[photo via 7 Sur 7]

Eliska Buckova (Czech Republic)

[photo via Bleskove]

Satu Tuomisto (Finland)

[photo via Explo (Flickr)]

Lynn Kelly (Ireland)

[photo via Show Biz Ireland]

Sinem Sulun (Turkey)

[photo via Global Beauty Pageant]

Amanda Ammann (Switzerland)

[photo via Global Beauty Pageant]

Bojana Boric (Serbia)

[photo via Models.Hr]

Barbara Tatara (Poland)

[photo via Roni (Picasa)]

Mariann Birkedal (Norway)

[photo via Blogdobbmb]

[photo via TA]

Samantha Powell (New Zealand)

[photo via Stuff]

Zana Krasniqi (Kosovo)

[photo via Guatemalan Beauty]

*** 7:09 PM PST July 17, 2008 Update ***

Thanks KH for the info. Changes made.

Less Than Jake - GNV FLA

Tan The Man — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 07:37:00 +0000

Some bands just seem to last, unknowing of the internal troubles that plague most groups and unwary of the current state of the music industry. Ska-punk rockers Less Than Jake (Chris Demakes - vocals/guitar, Roger Manganelli - bass/guitar, Peter “JR” Wasilewski - sax, Buddy Schaub - trombone, Vinnie Fiorello - drums) might be one of the few bands that appears unfazed by the turmoil plaguing music, while coincidently adding its own independent label Sleep It Off Records.

For some, having your own label would be the image of vanity run amok, but for the 16-year veteran band having their own label means being debt-free of any musical obligations except for whatever they feel they owe to themselves. GNV FLA is Less Than Jake’s seventh full-length album and also their first for Sleep It Off Records.

The album title refers to the old airport code for their hometown of Gainesville, Florida. Likewise, the album itself follows in trying to reconnect with the band’s past, and more importantly the band’s old sound.

The opening “City Of Gainesville” tries to set the album’s tone with the band doing their best Guster impression, but confuses otherwise by proceeding on the next thirteen tracks, most noticeably “The State Of Florida,” with its simple and old school 90s alt-punk stylings. It takes the third song to finally realize that traditional LTJ sound of blaring horns and carefree bellows in “Does The Lion City Still Roar” (download mp3 here).

While I’ve always found it hard to relate to the dark messages of songs that aren’t moody or dark, it still is refreshing to pick up those lines of absolute truth underneath seemingly ambivalent or even fantastical melodies. Less Than Jake doesn’t slow down a bit when dealing with suicide (”Abandon Ship”), a father’s struggle to reach his son (”Settling Son”), or the uncertain emotions caused by such a polarizing war (”Malachi Richter’s Liquor’s Quicker”).

The biggest lingering question on GNV FLA is not whether it’s a Less Than Jake album (it is), but whether it holds up after years of changing and evolving tastes. At best, the latest LTJ effort is a reintroduction into the catchier and enjoyably lighter side of music. At worst, it’s a dated re-examination of the band’s original self.

[photos via Dennis Ho]
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Track list:

Argus Hamilton On The Recent U.S. Midwest Flooding

Tan The Man — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:52:37 +0000

“The White House asked Congress for $2 billion for Iowa floods Wednesday. It’s the worst disaster since Katrina. There have been so many plagues during the Bush presidency that by the end of his term he will have his own book in the Old Testament.” — Argus Hamilton on the recent U.S. Midwest flooding

After 12 Games, Greg Maddux Still Stuck At 350 Wins

Tan The Man — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 01:29:19 +0000

On May 10, 2008, Greg Maddux joined the ultra-exclusive 350 win club, a feat that will probably never be matched again in modern baseball.

But it’s July 13 and “The Professor” still has only 350 wins. It doesn’t help that he plays for the lowly San Diego Padres. It should be noted that Maddux actually pitched better for a time after his historic win, losing twice with six no-decisions while lowering his ERA from 3.60 to 3.17 after his June 20th start. Two disastrous starts later and his ERA ballooned to 4.04, which he has since managed to dip to a better 3.90.

Will Maddux win another game this season? Probably.

Will Maddux better Roger Clemens’ 354 wins this season? Doubtful. Ever? Hopefully.

With the Padres playing as bad as they are, it’s not easy to say whether or not Maddux will win enough games to hopefully take Clemens down a notch on baseball’s all-time win charts. Everyone is rooting for him to do so. But with less than half a season to go, it will be another crime to see Maddux, at 3 wins now, to not win at least 13 games in over twenty seasons.

With John Smoltz and Tom Glavine both on the disabled list, Maddux is at a crossroads of his own. The thought of seeing the trio enter the Hall Of Fame together would be monumentous and historic (never have three players enter who were voted in by writers), but Maddux is the only player among them not facing long rehabilitation.

Baseball needs Maddux to retire with at least 355 wins, and every fan needs to see him, Smoltz, and Glavine pitching in 2009.

[photo via Denis Poroy/AP]

Argus Hamilton On The Supreme Court Lowering Exxon Mobil’s Fine

Tan The Man — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 00:05:36 +0000

“The Supreme Court decided Wednesday that Exxon Mobil doesn’t have to pay a $2.5 billion award for the Exxon Valdez spill. The court slashed the award to half a billion dollars. Exxon’s going to pay it out of the office coffee fund.” — Argus Hamilton on the Supreme Court lowering Exxon Mobil’s fine

Argus Hamilton On Southwest Airlines And The Recent Increasing Airline Fees

Tan The Man — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 07:11:15 +0000

“Southwest Airlines passengers got a scare landing in Phoenix Monday when smoke filled the cabin after a wheel blew out. It was a lesson in safety precautions. One woman nearly suffocated because she didn’t have the $20 for the oxygen mask.” — Argus Hamilton on Southwest Airlines and the recent increasing airline fees

Mötley Crüe - Saints Of Los Angeles

Tan The Man — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 07:10:27 +0000

If any band or group ever truly lived and breathed as quintessential rock and rollers, it was Mötley Crüe. Alcohol, drugs, jail, and sex ruled and refined the metal band since their formation over 25 years ago, which began with bassist Nikki Sixx and drummer Tommy Lee who were soon joined by guitarist Mick Mars and singer Vince Neil.

The eventual Rock N’ Roll Hall of Famers released their ninth studio album Saints Of Los Angeles, which serves as an audible retelling of their 2001 autobiography The Dirt. Sixx describes the album as “a tale of dirty needles, damaged minds, music industry battles and a whole lotta sex” which also happens to be the perfect summation of the band’s long history (press release).

It should be the summation of any rock or metal band, but the truth is that the members of Mötley Crüe don’t have to fight for or prove their authenticity. Their various addictions are well documented in mug shots and rehab stints, while their various sexual appetites are well seen in tapes and videos all over the Internet.

Most of these events are relived through Saints, from the anti-establishment reasons for being in a band in the first place (”Face Down In The Dirt”) to the march toward musical stardom (”What It Gonna Take”) to the numerous bedroom adventures (”The Animal In Me”) to the struggles for sobriety (”Just Another Psycho”) to the title track’s (see video here) final declarations of why they rule rock (”We signed our life away / Doesn’t matter what you think / We’re gonna do it anyway”).

If any single word could best describe the band’s first album with the original members, it’s bittersweet. Even after all of the heartache and troubles, it’s mind-blowing to hear that Mötley Crüe hasn’t lost too much of a step and can still churn out attitude-filled head-shaking tunes.

On the other hand, seeing rock stars survive from many crashing and burning will continue to inspire and motivate other bands and musicians to follow and recreate their footsteps is distressing, especially considering they’ll probably never match the famous quartet’s heights (or lows).

[photos via Sneak Attack Media]
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Track list:

Jesse Jackson’s “Crude And Hurtful” Remarks About Barack Obama

Tan The Man — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 04:08:57 +0000

“I want to cut his nuts off.” — Rev. Jesse Jackson (privately) said about Barack Obama during an interview with FOX News.

In one swift move, Jackson cemented his jealousy of Obama and his supreme uselessness in 21st Century politics and life all in one sentence. Congrats!

Every news station and pundit is in awe that Jackson didn’t say those words on their show or to them.

Jackson’s previous statement before the “nuts” remark was: “See, Barack been, um, talking down to black people on this faith based…” To be fair, I had to add that.

See video here or below.

[photo via Charles Rex Arbogast/AP]