vrai's house of interminable horror

hmm

2010-03-11T22:16:00.000-05:00

It's time for an overhaul or complete scrap of this blog. It's dusty, old and wow... McCain is still on my front page trying to become Prezo of the United States.

Cripes!

I've learned a new word! Saddlebacking

2009-03-01T19:40:00.002-05:00

See for yourself. And then spread it around. Write about it. Use it in conversation whenever possible. Be creative.

John SIDNEY McCain or I can't believe it's not better

2008-10-27T12:37:00.011-04:00

I am at a loss here folks. Is this man Irish, maybe a wee too Irish? Or... dun dun dunnn is he Australian as his middle name (a derivation of Sydney) might suggest? Does Johnny boy bow to Almudj ["Rainbow-Snake"] noted as being #1 in the Top Ten of Aboriginal gods? We want answers J. SIDNEY McCain!

To tell the truth, I don't care if either of the presidential'ish candites bow to Zeus' yellow boxer briefs. I'd personally like to see someone in the white house with a conscience. A thoughtful person, one that reads and constructs sentences that are grammatically correct. I have dreams of a president that can talk to and work with world leaders even when they have ideological differences. Further, why they hell can't we as a country communicate with our [supposed] greatest threats?! Will shunning a country for 40 years really bring them to our side of the ideological fence? Will they really reduce their arms cache? Are shunned countries really going to realize the U.S. has been silent and question their actions when every other fricken modernized country will talk to them? NO! There's the answer, no. Political shunning doesn't work, never has and never will. But that's a different post entirely. That said, I want a president that doesn't shun. Un-shun.

I have another dream. I'm dreaming a lot lately, perhaps because I'm tired and nauseated by the final campaigning tactics on all sides of the fence: left, right, middle, 4x4, cross-beam, nail and plank. I'll say it simply, fear as political tactic sucks. My lofty and impossible dream is that this will be set aside. Fear as a motivator advances nothing but hatred, prejudice and/or violence. Fear of religion, fear of leaders that feel fear, fear of attack, fear of us attacking, fear of those nasty wet stains seen when these politicians stand in crowds of supporters, their sleeves rolled up, tie loosened, waving to the masses "oh wave at me again Mr. Senator!," and our common grade prejudicial fear. Is that not what's on display every time some dimwit writes Barack HUSSEIN Obama or John SIDNEY McCain? 'Look look! You should be afraid, very afraaaaid, something different here!' Nice marketing campaign. Forget all that, I want more content.

Take a look at the candidates fucking economic plans! Consider their tax plans and how they relate to you and others, see each candidate as a person, contemplate health, sanity, longevity, spirit, soul, character, flexibility, philosophy, campaign promises and a whole host of things I'm not mentioning here. Screw the candidates political affiliation and don't even think about voting based on a single issue, that's just lame. Try this just once if you haven't already, it's addicting and I bet you'll do it again: Look at the flaws and abilities of people running for office in any election and decide which individual will lead/run our nation, state, city, municipality, etc. better. Better! I want more "Better!"

Fay on Palin: "I can see Russia from my house!"

2008-10-20T16:47:00.011-04:00

Really?!

See Russia for yourself.

Slate describes in good detail just what is visible and from where.

"Russia and Alaska are divided by the Bering Strait, which is about 55 miles at its narrowest point. In the middle of the Bering Strait are two small, sparsely populated islands: Big Diomede, which sits in Russian territory, and Little Diomede, which is part of the United States. At their closest, these two islands are a little less than two and a half miles apart..."

Smoke on the Water/Yangtze

2008-08-28T12:58:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

there's something the bacon lobby doesn't want you to know...

2008-08-24T20:40:00.001-04:00

there's something the bacon lobby doesn't want you to know...
Originally uploaded by vrai the dotty prof.

you could of course watch the late night tv shows on the subject and pay some yahoo for his bacon industry secrets CD set... but I'll tell you right here for free. consider it one of my little services.

what is it? well. bacon is mostly fat. those white strips are not the other white meat.

there you have it. leave notes of gratitude and donations below. thank you thank you. really, you're too kind.

Pipkin!

2008-08-18T22:10:00.003-04:00

Vote for Andy Pipken, he's most Jesus-like! Look at that hair.

Ya-I-know.

Obama

2008-08-18T22:08:00.003-04:00

Vote for Barak Obama, he's more Jesus-like!

McCain

2008-08-18T22:07:00.001-04:00

Vote for John McCain, he's more Jesus-like!

Damn fine video

2008-08-08T14:49:00.000-04:00

Arctic Monkeys - Leave Before The Lights Come On

It's about fucking time!

2008-07-16T19:23:00.002-04:00

U.S. reverses course, will send envoy to talks with Iran
I've long thought the policy of ignoring governments that offend the executive branch ridiculous. Statements made through press events are not enough when dealing with touchy situations. Nor is sending another government on our behalf as we've done in the past. Mark this day on the calendar folks, something has been done correctly!

Not to move too far towards progress, Mr. Bush has announced the executive branch will not permit the FBI to turn over papers to our representing body (congress) regarding the release of Valerie Plame Wilson's top secret cover to the press. Let's examine the definition of one word shall we? I'll leave you my dearies with this.

treason
–noun
1. the offense of acting to overthrow one's government or to harm or kill its sovereign.
2. a violation of allegiance to one's sovereign or to one's state.
3. the betrayal of a trust or confidence; breach of faith; treachery.

I'm F'BLEEEEP Ben Afflek

2008-02-27T07:16:00.009-05:00

I haven't seen anything this funny in months. Months!! The kidneys will take some time to mend.

The video that led to the Afflek incident. Also pret-t-y damn funny.

Day in the life of....

2008-01-01T15:32:00.001-05:00

And then we got out of bed at two in the afternoon and made breakfast nachos.

Happy new year everyone!

Thought of the day

2007-12-27T22:02:00.001-05:00

said cat

Why can't cat shit smell like freshly baked cookies?

Sunday outtake

2007-12-09T20:01:00.001-05:00

"And then we vacuumed the dog."

Posting, Lack of

2007-12-04T21:22:00.001-05:00

I haven't written much lately but I have a good excuse. Honest.

'merika

2007-11-16T23:47:00.001-05:00

'merika
Originally uploaded by vrai the dotty prof.

Cause in 'merika freedom ain't free!

Apparently it costs about $60,000 and comes in black, white, gun metal grey, cobalt blue, red or navy blue.

Mileage: 8-10 mpg or 18-24 km/L

Gross weight: 8,600 pounds / 3629 kg

Approximate amount of iron ore dug up (not including all the waste) to make a single H2:
19.8 tons or 39,600 lbs / 16,700 kg

I won't even begin to mention all the plastics and other materials in this thing.

boo.

The Stirke was Unconscionable and Swift, Revenge Sweet

2007-11-10T16:11:00.000-05:00

CJ, ah my dear CJ "picked a marker up from the floor" this evening and took it upon herself to color Miss Bailey (my dog) while I was pouring a fresh batch of chicken broth from its pan. As I cleaned up I looked back towards the floor to see an excited Miss Bailey painted like some mad circus clown on his 6th bottle of malt liquor. Soon the shock and awe of the attack subsided and Miss Bailey sought revenge against the terrorist forces.

Even now, two hours after battle, as I type this AAR (After Action Report) blood pours from my many wounds and splatters the keyboard below. The pain is very real, but I must admit revenge is sweet.

A green zone has been clearly designated, a provisional government installed and battle has completely subsided. Mission accomplished folks.

GALLERY - Battle of Marker Provence

The damage is done.

Shock and awe sets in.

Miss Bailey pleads for revenge in a congressional hearing.

Bailey forces strike the elite Red Pant Brigade.

Miss Bailey suffers a direct hit to the head.

Battle subsides after hours of arduous fighting. Green zone established by Bailey forces.

Update
A reader shared his recent experience on the battlefield.

My poor old Byron suffered blue ear and white tail tip damage recently defending the hallway from invasion by a painter and decorator (admittedly his defending involves wagging tail and subduing the invading forces by licking them, not quite water-boarding but certainly effective at preventing any enemy action). Is poor old Miss B still marked or did you send in a team to dismantle all trace of chemical warfare?

Thank you Mr. Wit for taking the time to share your story with us. The clean-up team has been reluctant to approach with water for fear it will kick up noxious fumes in the Dogwet territory. I suspect the team will calm local citizens and complete the cleanup some time this afternoon.

The Catwet territory is another matter. Though suppressed, the reigning militia's Red Pant Brigade is still on high alert and has been brandishing swords and other implements of destruction in the streets. The counter-insurgency coalition met last evening and decided it may be best to let nature do the clean up work. "We want to wait and see what happens," General Dogder explained in a press meeting earlier this morning. This was in fact his response to every question posed by the press.

Fortunately the expected half-life of the chemistry used in the revenge attack is a mere two days though crews are keeping a close eye on the situation in case a cleanup opportunity arises sooner.

Brigadier General Stinkzlot of the Red Pant Brigade is still on the loose. An anonymous official released this top secret photo.

The mood in the Catwet territory is tense as militia troops still roam the streets. We are told no shots have been fired. Photo courtesy of Greenwater, LLC.

she

2007-10-30T13:45:00.001-04:00

She thought that one day she'd make something of herself. Little did she realize she was already a well spun mass of tissue, liquids and minerals. Little did she realize her family had always thought she was something. But was she the right something? That is the question.

Quandary, abridged

2007-10-10T22:55:00.001-04:00

quandary, abridged
Originally uploaded by vrai the dotty prof.

So yesterday I was excited to hear from my publisher that my novel, Quandary, would be published. As it turns out the selected editor is a real prick and has decimated nearly 75% of my text. Not one to just let such a travesty fly I've demanded the novel be published with the proper title suffix: "abridged."

All that muck aside, being the gent that I am, I happily publish it for you here, dear readers, at no cost whatsoever. Grab a drink, your oral fixation of choice and sit back for a nice cozy read:

Alfred is a real asshole.

Quandary - My newest novel released!

2007-10-09T16:57:00.000-04:00

quandary
Originally uploaded by vrai the dotty prof.

I've just written a novel and am pleased to publish the ebook version for you here in all its glory. I'll shut my yapper and let it speak for itself:

Phil waited patiently for Alfred nearly every day. This is not the day Phil would choose to continue without him.

See what people are saying about my novel!

- New York Herald Tribune raves, "A triumph in eloquent brevity!"
- LA Times relates, "We were too busy covering the riots in South L.A."
- The Denver Post shouts, "More! We want more!! This doesn't qualify as a novel."
- The New Yorker cannot be reached for comment at this time.
- Readers Digest blurts, "Thank you for your submission to Laughter is the Best Medicine!"
- The Oregonian trumpets this novel, "A refreshing read for my tired watery eyes!"
- Springfield, MO's Senior Living Newspaper wheezes, "Brilliant! Now where do I get my free pancakes?"

lascivious cooking!

2007-10-04T23:21:00.000-04:00

After sitting vacant for some time the other blog the missus and I run called lascivious cooking -- we love to spend time in the kitchen -- has been updated with some new decadent posts. Check it out if you get a spare moment! More will be posted very soon.

http://lasciviouscooking.blogspot.com/

we call her madam

2007-09-28T09:00:00.001-04:00

Madam has been hanging around the house for well over a month now and is like a roommate at this point. We've held meetings with her to discuss the territory she had settled and how she would be fed. Madam's first plot, not at all ideal, was above the gate leading to and from our patio. "This certainly will not do," we said. We didn't want to catch our heads in her web, and she didn't seem to appreciate us shredding her home everyday. After me flailing in disgust a number of times, having run my face through her web, and her indignation at my lack of finesse we deliberated and came to a mutual understanding. Madam has moved about four feet from her previous location and has instead setup web near an outdoor light and above one of our garbage cans. You see, I used the garbage can 'benefit' to help soften the blow of her inevitable move. And after some time we've found the arrangement is actually quite beneficial to all parties concerned. We (myself and others in residence) agree to put smelly trash in our garbage can to attract flies and other insects. Her part of the bargain? Madam has agreed to catch and dispose of them as she sees fit.

Though rather large and creepy, I've enjoyed having her company and regret she will retire as winter approaches.

what the.....

2007-09-24T16:12:00.001-04:00

who comes up with this stuff anyway?

clone 'em?! really? *sigh* I've mentioned population dominance/control previously but I hadn't considered full-on cloning. of course they are speaking metaphorically. so far.

If you feel it, peel it.

2007-09-12T18:59:00.000-04:00

I generally hate posting tube videos (I've posted enough to give me a rash) but some are just too good to pass up. So for my second wang related post of the day I give you the 70's Dole banana.