The thing is, she’s not a bad person, and will definitely be there if you need her, but this constant self-promotion is very off-putting. Calling her out directly would make her angry and defensive, because she is, after all, the best.

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this type of behavior? Avoiding her isn’t an option.

— Tired of It

Dear Tired: You wrote that you generally ignore her grandiose statements and that might continue to be the best course of action if you enjoy your friend’s other aspects and don’t want to talk to her about it. You might also reframe these statements in your mind. It’s quite possible that she feels the need to toot her own horn because of some deeper insecurity. Maybe she feels she needs to call herself great because she secretly believes she isn’t.

Or maybe she’s just conceited. Or has high self-confidence. Whatever the reason, one tactic is to remind yourself, “this is something she needs to do; it doesn’t have any bearing on me.” It won’t completely prevent it from being annoying, but it may lessen its impact on your relationship.

Another option is to approach this habit with curiosity. The next time she toots her own horn, you can ask about it instead of ignoring it. “I’ve noticed you make comments about that a lot. Have you noticed that, too? Can you tell me what it’s about?”

Dear Eric: I’m a 54-year-old divorced dad. I was dating a woman for just over six months. In a lot of ways, it was the healthiest relationship I’ve had in a long time. We had strong alignment on the “big things” (values, lifestyle, interests, chemistry, kindness). We supported each other through real-life stuff, and I genuinely felt we were building something solid.

Then it ended very suddenly.

On a Tuesday morning, she texted that she was “having doubts” and that things had been “building up.” We talked the next morning and she said, “the little things became bigger than the big things.” She listed several specific issues — my house (decor/cleanliness), my sense of humor (I’m playful; she’s more serious), worries about travel because I have teenage boys, and concerns about finances/retirement stability.

What I’m struggling with isn’t that she had concerns. It’s that I didn’t know they had grown into deal-breakers, and there was no “work on it together” phase. It felt like she quietly decided, then delivered the verdict. When we met one last time, she was worried I’d try to convince her; I told her I wasn’t. I just wanted to be heard and to understand. It still felt final and shut down.

Here’s where I’m stuck: I still care about her. I’m also hurt and honestly shocked at how quickly she cut it off given how good it felt overall.

Is there any healthy reason to reach out again, or is the kindest thing (to both of us) to let it be? How do you get closure when someone ends a relationship quickly and you never really get to talk through it?

— Sleepless in Louisville

Dear Sleepless: This is a really tough way to be broken up with. It often feels quite unfair. However, the issue that makes this breakup sudden and painful is the same issue that can lead to unhappiness in on-going relationships: an inability on the part of one or both people to communicate with openness and vulnerability.

So, without a track record or playbook for clear communication, I worry that any further contact is going to just hurt you more, rather than give you the closure you seek. Closure is, itself, a form of communication.

I think you’ll be better served by having a conversation with yourself. Acknowledge what you wanted to happen and what hurts about this relationship’s end.

Actively accept that it has ended, despite your wants and best efforts. Acceptance also involves releasing her mentally. Sure, you’ll still think about her, but when you do remind yourself that this is someone who you’ve sent off into the rest of her journey, not a “what if” or “could’ve been.”

Lastly, you may have to redefine what closure means to you in this context. You will probably not get the conversation that you want, but you do have the ability to care for yourself, to honor your feelings and to take the time that it takes.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

The issue is that my dad asks me questions that are simple to look up online. They very often do not relate to the conversation and are silly.

I have brought up my issue with him doing this before and his response is “it gives us something to talk about” and that there would be nothing to talk about if we lived by the motto “don’t ask it if you can find the answer on Google.”

He has the newest iPhone and knows how to use it well. When he asks me questions, if I don’t know the answer, I google it and share, but I get frustrated. After one or two times I get short and want to end the conversation quickly. Any advice to make our conversations more stress free is much appreciated.

— Not Google

Dear Not Google: Flawed though his methods may seem, I think your dad’s heart is in the right place and I’d encourage you to think about it in a different way. Though you have a good conversational relationship, there’s still clearly something in him that feels the need to add more material to keep the conversation going. Maybe it’s something that’s really lacking in your talks, maybe it comes from an insecurity that he has. It’s not for me to say. But try to think of these questions as offerings. He wants to engage with you, and that’s a gift.

Now, not all gifts are what we want, exactly. See if you can find some interest in the search for answers. Try asking him questions about the results or ask him to find it and inform you instead. There’s also something to be said for a long deep dive into Wikipedia. A simple question like “Who was Princess Grace of Monaco married to?” can lead to all manner of other factoids and curiosities. So, maybe the next time he asks, give him the simple answer and follow-up with some trivia that fascinates you.

Most importantly, however, every time you find yourself getting annoyed, see if you can reframe the request in your mind. It may help if you think of every benign question as a way of your father saying, “I like talking to you and I want to keep doing it.”

Dear Eric: My 98-year-old father is living with dementia. Because it isn’t advanced, he is painfully aware that his memory is failing him. He often recounts things — past and present — that aren’t true. Following advice from the Alzheimer’s Association, our immediate family practices “therapeutic fibbing”: we accept whatever he says as fact to preserve his dignity.

It’s a difficult tightrope to walk, but the hardest part isn’t the caregiving — it’s the silence. Several of Dad’s lifelong friends have stopped calling. I think they feel uncomfortable with the conversations, which, in all honesty, are not always easy. He misses them and has begun to worry he did something wrong to drive them away.

My gut tells me to call these friends and give them a piece of my mind. I’d rather they skip his eventual funeral and just give him five minutes of their time now. Since “shaming” them probably isn’t the best strategy, how can I encourage these old friends to re-engage with a man who needs them now more than ever?

I am hopeful that my Dad’s friends, or others, read this column as a wakeup call to reach out to those who may be suffering in similar situations

— Caring for Dad

Dear Caring: You’re right, shaming may not be the most effective strategy here. Instead, transparency might be the way. Try calling your father’s friends, giving them a full picture of what’s going on — as much as you feel comfortable while still preserving your dad’s dignity and privacy. Then make a specific ask: “I know that these conversations aren’t always easy and might even be painful, but can you call my dad this week and talk for a few minutes? He needs the connection and he’s benefited from your friendship. Is that something you can commit to for him?”

By making it plain, you are helping to disentangle some of the complicated emotions that they may be having — frustration, maybe, grief, guilt — and giving them what is hopefully an easy yes. I also want to note that what you’re doing is a gift for your father, of course, but it’s also a gift for his friends. Often, as you noted, we don’t know how to support friends who are ailing. But it’s important for everyone to remember that it’s better to ask than to avoid.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

I have carefully planned my entire life schedule around his schedule, to avoid being at the house on the days he is there for my husband’s 50 percent custody.

My husband has just told me that his ex-wife is moving to another state far away and that he is going to take full custody of his son. This means the child I despise so much is now going to be living with me at my house full time, every single day, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

My husband refuses to let his son move away with his ex. How do I manage this?

— Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: Though your stepson is human, and therefore imperfect like we all are, it’s important to remember that he is also a child and largely powerless in this situation. Yes, he could improve his behavior, but it’s easy to imagine that splitting his time between two houses and navigating a stepparent relationship with someone who despises him doesn’t make for the best life experience.

What you’ve written about his attitude sounds unpleasant, to be sure, but I don’t see anything that rises to the level of aggression or abuse. It may be there; I don’t know. But it sounds like you just don’t like him, and your attitude is making this harder than it needs to be.

This is a relationship that pre-dates your marriage and so you, as an adult, have to do more to make it work. It’s not a feasible solution to tell your husband to send his child away because you don’t like the child.

Assuming you’ve tried to make in-roads with the teen and had no success, it’s time for you to accept what is, for now. If being in the house with him is completely untenable, that’s a problem in your relationship with him, but it’s also a problem in your marriage. So, start thinking of it as something you need to work on for the health of your marriage. This may mean changing your mindset; this may mean family therapy; this may mean taking a firmer stance on ground rules for respect in the home, in conjunction with your husband.

Ask yourself how you can help your husband to raise his kid. The son is a part of your husband’s life and he always will be. Attitudinal issues or clashes of personality aren’t unforgivable. This is your family. Family isn’t always perfect; we don’t always like it. But this minor who shares a home with you doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Talk to him and talk to your husband about what you all need to coexist.

Dear Eric: We used to be social drinkers with family and friends. We no longer drink due to health issues. The change in our behavior is well known by family and our friends.

We recently hosted long weekend guests at our home. They brought an assortment of alcoholic drinks and drank throughout their stay. This made it difficult for us to abstain. They did not ask before their stay. How should we handle this in the future?

— Teetotalling

Dear Teetotalling: There are a couple of options. First, you can talk to these friends — or any other guests — in advance and let them know that you’re keeping a dry house, and you’d appreciate them doing any drinking off-premises. Ideally, your friends will express their understanding and respect your wishes.

But if they have questions, this kind of conversation is a good way to talk about boundaries and what works for you.

They might ask if they can bring one bottle of wine for dinner, for instance. And then you can decide how that would feel for you. It’s OK to say no.

The other option is to have this conversation in the moment. If you see friends lugging in a box of alcoholic drinks at the beginning of their stay, or they start setting up the bar before dinner one night, you’re perfectly within your rights to ask them to stop. You can suggest that you all enjoy mocktails together or simply abstain.

Again, as guests and as friends, they should respect the choice you’re making and show their gratitude for your hospitality by changing course. If they simply can’t go a week without alcohol, maybe next time they should stay at a hotel. That’s fine, too. Sometimes we want to see our friends, but the ways that we each live our lives don’t match up. Going home/to a hotel at the end of the day can be a great option for keeping everyone happy.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

The “Cookout con los Compas” is a combined effort from chefs Manny Barella, Erasmo Casiano, Johnny Curiel and Michael Diaz de Leon. The event originated after the deadly turn of Operation Metro Surge, the ongoing deportation effort of undocumented immigrants by federal immigration officers in Minnesota, Barella and De Leon said this week.

When more than 20 local restaurants and coffee shops announced they would close the last Friday in January for a nationwide general strike opposing the operation, Barella said he and his collaborators received backlash from some people on social media because they weren’t publicly voicing their solidarity.

Texting in their shared group chat — the four are close friends, Barella said — they decided to take on the critics’ challenge by throwing a cookout open to the public. The title of the event translates to cookout “with the friends.”

“We should use our spotlight,” Barella said, “but it’s going to be our way, the way that we feel comfortable and the way that we feel is going to make the biggest impact.”

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The cookout is taking place in the parking lot of Curiel’s commissary, at 2258 California St., which services his restaurants, including Alma Fonda Fina, Mezcaleria Alma, Alteño and Mar Bella Boqueria, De Leon said. The quartet will be cooking from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Sunday, accepting only donations for the Colorado Immigrant Rights Coalition, a nonprofit. (A representative for the group will also be there taking donations.)

Barella is bringing his brisket tacos and grilled chicken from Riot BBQ, he said. Casiano, the chef at Xiquita Restaurante y Bar, and De Leon, the co-owner of Molino Chido inside Aurora’s Stanley Marketplace, will add to the menu with carnitas, carne asada, tortillas, a salsa bar and beverages.

They are also raffling off prizes to their restaurants.

“We would do this (anyway) and we have done this among ourselves,” Barella said. “We’re just inviting anybody who wants to come.”

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He also told me he did not want to cause any family problems, but he also did not want to date her. I told him, do what you need to do as far as dating.

Now 20 years later, she and her brother are still rude and condescending toward me.

The last time I saw them at a funeral, I invited the nephew to come and visit. He replied, “it will never happen.” It hurts.

I have spoken to my husband about their behavior. He just says we will have nothing to do with them. His sister, their mother, has passed but now we will be seeing them at a family funeral. I dread going. I would rather stay home.

My husband insists I go. It’s a four-hour drive. Should I ask them to walk outside and try to find out why they are so mean? Or should I keep ignoring them? I only see them every couple of years.

— Talked About Aunt

Dear Aunt: If you choose to go to the funeral to support your husband, you don’t have to engage with the adult children who have been unkind to you. It takes a lot of energy for them to hold such a deep grudge over a failed relationship (if one can call five dates that). That’s clearly an engine that is going to run whether you put gas in it or not.

At this point, it’s probably wise to chalk this up to a “them problem.” I know it hurts to be condescended to, but I think you’ll be setting yourself up for more hurt by trying to push a conversation, especially since they have so far resisted having one.

Since you don’t have to see them very much outside of this funeral, try as best you can to put them and this relationship out of your mind. Some people just don’t mix, and, from your telling, you have nothing to make amends for. Best to just say, “I’m sorry for your loss” and then go be with people who respect you — your husband, his second sister, and others.

Dear Eric: I have been best friends with “Vera” for more than 35 years. She was a great support when I went through a divorce in my late 30s and always was insightful. Throughout our friendship she was always trying to “help” everyone and in the majority of cases it was unsolicited and unwanted.

Over the years, I have watched her friends distance themselves by severely limiting how often they interact with Vera. Several of her siblings are a mess and she has always bailed them out.

I am now almost 68 years old and Vera has worn me out. I found that if I speak with her more often than every five to six weeks, she cannot control herself and offers unsolicited advice and suggestions.

I have to mentally prepare myself prior to calling. I no longer share personal information because she wants to dissect and insert herself. I have very clearly told her to back off with the advice. She thinks I am angry. I’ve explained I am very annoyed that she cannot or will not respect that I don’t need “fixing”.

In spite of me clearly and repeatedly telling her if I would like her advice, I will ask but would just prefer an “ear”.

I’m at the point where I am seriously considering letting this friendship fade away. What to do?

— Tired of Being Fixed

Dear Fixed: One question that everyone should have tucked away at all times is “are you looking for advice or do you just want to be heard?” There is a vast difference and respecting it is crucial, as you’ve shown. Giving advice when none is asked for or wanted often undercuts any usefulness that the advice may have because it also communicates to the other person that their problems, and their boundaries aren’t being respected. It says, “I know what’s best and you don’t.” That’s not productive.

You’ve communicated with Vera what you need and want in terms of feedback, and she has, so far, chosen not to respect that. It may be that she can’t help herself and this friendship has run its course. Try to tell her that you’re at your breaking point. “Vera, I appreciate your friendship and I know your heart is in the right place, but I’ve asked you not to give me unsolicited advice. If that’s not something you can respect, I can’t engage with you anymore.”

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

When he lived at home, I could influence at least some of what he ate, but he always denied there was anything wrong. His pediatrician (male, for what it’s worth) always dismissed my concerns. I helped him find a new doctor when he turned 18 but now that he’s an adult, there is even less I can do.

We know that he is unhappy with how he looks. My husband has tried to talk to him gently about speaking with his doctor specifically about his hair and its connection to his diet and potentially an underlying health problem. On a side note, our son has occasionally seen a counselor at school about unrelated issues, when we suggested it, so he does not always reject our advice out of hand, like he does with this.

If he liked the way he looks, and if it were totally clear that this isn’t a health issue, we would leave it alone. But given the circumstances, do we need to leave it alone anyway?

— Concerned Mother

Dear Mother: Right now, the most supportive thing you can do for your son is continuing to listen to him and provide help when asked for. He’s on a journey with his body — as we all are. And while there are a variety of hair treatments available and many different resources for getting help with one’s diet, he has to learn to be proactive about them if he wants something to change. While it’s hard for parents to watch their children feel around in the dark, this kind of independent decision-making is an important part of development.

Lead with curiosity instead of concern as much as possible here. You can ask him about his feelings about himself or his eating habits but try to focus more on asking him about who he is, what he wants and what’s going on in his life. As he spreads his wings in college, it will help him to understand how an adult solves a problem. That problem could be as complex as addressing hair loss with a professional, or as simple as “how do I make dinner for myself?”

Dear Eric: I was surprised by your response to “Not the Girlfriend” who wanted the man she described as her boyfriend to, in words, ask her to be his girlfriend (assuming that represents exclusivity). They’ve been dating for six weeks, and he has told her he loves her.

I’m quite old, but don’t think I’m so old-fashioned in thinking that six weeks into a relationship is a bit too soon to be trying to nail things down. She didn’t mention how often they see each other but at six weeks you’re really just getting to know someone. Good relationships take time. And she’s already frustrated by the situation. I know there have been successful relationships that worked right from the get-go, but they’re rare.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know a dating partner’s level of interest/seriousness. But I wonder what her rush is.

Maybe the guy thinks of her as his girlfriend without explicitly saying so. After all, he’s already said he loves her.

By the way, at six weeks, even sooner, you can certainly feel “in love” but at that stage you’re filling in the aspects that you still don’t know about your love interest with qualities you imagine are true.

— Reader

Dear Reader: I’m very grateful for this letter. It made me think about the original letter in a new way — and, not for nothing, made me ruminate for a while on the nature of love, which is always a very nice way to spend one’s time. I agree with you.

I was thinking about the communication challenges that many couples have and how so often we don’t ask for what we want. Or — one of the more dreaded roadblocks in a relationship — we want our partner to read our minds.

But I didn’t think enough about where this relationship was in its life cycle and how its relative newness probably adds to the issues of miscommunication.

Relationships at any stage can provoke insecurity or simply a desire to know that we’re loved in the way we want to be loved. That voice inside asking for assurance is natural and there’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s not always asking for something external. Sometimes it’s asking for internal work — in self-esteem, in being clear about one’s own desires, in being happy with oneself. That internal work will only strengthen other relationships.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

Michael Diaz de Leon, currently chef at taqueria Molino Chido in Aurora’s Stanley Marketplace, is one of 16 participants in “America’s Culinary Cup.” The show premieres on CBS at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday with an extended episode introducing the contestants who are vying for a $1 million cash prize.

This is De Leon’s first experience on television, he said in a phone interview Tuesday, calling from New York City where he was promoting the show. In 2022, he had auditioned for “Top Chef,” the long-running reality series on Bravo previously hosted by Padma Lakshmi, but was not selected.

“I was pretty sour about it,” de Leon said, thinking his TV career had fizzled before it even started.

So he hunkered down in the kitchen at BRUTO, the gourmet small-plates restaurant where he worked at the time. The following year, he was a James Beard finalist and BRUTO received a star in the inaugural Michelin Guide in Colorado.

Around the same time that De Leon signed a lease with restaurant operator Tommy Lee for the Molino Chido property in the spring, he got a call from the producers of “America’s Culinary Cup” asking if he wanted to participate in the series, he said. Lakshmi, whose company was putting on the production, would be the host, and the grand prize was the largest for a food competition in television history, the producers told him.

They got his attention. De Leon and the other competing chefs met with Lakshmi and the show’s judges in September, filming the show from New York City studios.

“It was harder than I expected it to be, to be fair,” De Leon, 37, said, keeping mum on the show details. “It pushed me, made me grow and I found out a lot about myself as a chef and person.”

The premise of each episode revolves around the chefs’ approach to one of “10 culinary commandments,” including meat, vegetables, sauces, sustainability, consistency and culinary science. It also includes segments focused on the backgrounds of the chefs.

Also among the contestants is Malyna Si, a chef and food and beverage consultant in Jackson, Wyo. Her previous experience includes leading the kitchen at Capa, a Michelin-starred restaurant at the Four Seasons Resort Orlando in Florida.

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The James Beard-nominated bakery will soon relocate to a new storefront at 19865 Mainstreet, Suite 130 in Parker. With 2,800 square feet of real estate, Poulette Bakeshop will roughly double its footprint, making way for not only upgraded equipment that will bolster production of its signature pastries and confections, but also guest seating that allows patrons to linger, said co-owner Carolyn Nugent.

“It’s just such a big step for us finally to have a space that feels appropriate for our offering,” Nugent said of the new location, which is expected to open on March 11. “It’s an absolute dream.”

The upgrade is a natural next step after years of building Poulette Bakeshop from humble beginnings. Nugent and her husband, Alen Ramos, moved to Colorado in 2020 and began the bakery out of their kitchen. In 2021, they opened their first commercial space and have since put out pastries, breads and other treats that earn national acclaim.

Last year, the James Beard Foundation named Nugent and Ramos finalists for its prestigious award, in the Outstanding Pastry Chef or Baker category. That nomination came just months after The New York Times dubbed Poulette one of the best bakeries in America.

Poulette’s new digs — complete with a bigger kitchen, larger walk-in cooler and upgraded ovens that have been fired up for about a week — will enable the business to increase production of its staples, such as macarons, as well as add new items to the menu.

“We’re looking forward to really ramping up our bread program,” Nugent said. “We did country bread for a while at Poulette, but because of the space that requires for fermentation in the walk-in cooler overnight, we completely ran out of space and had to really taper down our bread offerings.”

With the new amenities, including a dedicated deck oven for bread, she expects to start baking focaccia, baguettes, fougasse (French flatbread), country bread and more. Nugent also hopes to start an afternoon bread-baking window that allows locals to pick up fresh loaves between 2 and 4 p.m. each day. In the future, she hopes to use bread making as a launch pad to add sandwiches, toasts and other savory items to the menu.

After bread, Nugent wants to turn her focus to expanding the bakery’s line of confections to more regularly include things like chocolate slabs, caramels, gum drops and pâte de fruit, or French fruit paste. “Then we want to grow every program – grow the pastry program, grow the viennoiserie, grow the celebration cakes,” she said. “We want to be able to work to our full potential.”

Beard-nominated bakery could open on South Pearl as soon as next month

Beyond the bites, Nugent hopes the vibe will encourage visitors to sit and stay awhile at the new Poulette Bakeshop. Ramos spearheaded the buildout and worked to create a Parisian-style cafe aesthetic, complete with penny tiles and white and gold granite. There will be about 20 seats inside as well as an additional 20-plus seats on the outside patio. (The original bakery at one time had seating for guests, but the space was overtaken by the need to expand production, Nugent said.)

Though the bakery won’t offer hot coffee, guests are welcome to bring their own from a new coffee shop nearby called Marvin’s Place, Nugent said. Poulette will offer a selection of cold drinks, she added.

The original Poulette Bakeshop at 19585 Hess Road, #107, in Parker will remain open until its lease is up at the end of May, though Nugent said what exactly will be available there is still to be determined. One thing that won’t change as the business relocates is its emphasis on hospitality.

“We have really woven ourselves into the community, and we’ve done that by always focusing on hospitality, always focusing on a high level of service, obviously focusing on the product,” Nugent said. “You can make the best food in the world, but if the service is not good, it's meaningless in my opinion.”

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Dubbed “A Love Letter to Costa Rica,” the menu will be available from April 1 to June 30; reservations are now available.

“It will be a range of classical dishes presented in a modern way,” Gomez said this week. “There will be fermentations dating back to ancient practices from native tribes. It will also explore and present some Afro-Caribbean influences.”

The chef said he will honor his father and grandparents with a variation of rosquillas, a savory ring made with local corn masa, and serve plates highlighting the place’s abundant produce. “It’s an interpretation of my Costa Rica,” he continued, adding that the decades he’s spent in the United States never dimmed the importance of his early food memories or the pride he has for his home country. (His family moved to Long Island when he was 7 years old.)

When Gomez — the Eleven Madison Park (New York City) and “Top Chef” alum (he was on Season 18, set in Portland and airing in 2021) — started at BRUTØ in March 2024, he thought he was only going to be there for three months. He had just moved to Denver and was looking to see where his talents fit in the city’s evolving scene. He was still riding high off his televised momentum and had recently closed out a chapter in Aspen after running the kitchen at the now-shuttered 7908, a chic restaurant and club.

At the same time, Chef Kelly Whitaker was trying to figure out the next iteration of BRUTØ, the downtown open-kitchen concept that has always centered around its massive hearth oven. Chef Michael Diaz de Leon had just left, leaving behind a set of sizable shoes.

It was synchronicity. Gomez took the reins, and shifted the cooking away from De Leon’s avant-garde Yucatecan offerings, creating multi-course experiences focused on global fine dining that emphasized fermentation, local grains and meats. He subsequently won two consecutive Michelin stars of his own, expanded the restaurant to include Studio, a retail and classroom space, and delivered five original menus.

“This will be the first time that a Costa Rican menu will be highlighted at the Michelin level,” he said of his sixth and final menu.

Since opening in 2019, BRUTØ has always been an evolving project. While not necessarily an incubator, it has continually acted as a hotbed of experimentalism and a place where chefs can spread their wings while also absorbing the Id Est Hospitality ethos. “We want to see a lot of change in our industry, whether it’s through people or ingredients,” said Whitaker.

Gomez, meanwhile, feels that he’s left his mark, and graduated from the most learning-intensive and successful portion of his career. “My main concern is always to work toward a position where I leave a legacy. Did I leave it better than I found it in terms of leadership, culture and mentorship? I feel like I accomplished that,” he said.

And he couldn’t be happier with the terms of his departure. “First and foremost, I’m not leaving BRUTØ on a bad note. This is a mutual decision between Kelly and I,” he said. “We have a personal friendship. BRUTØ has just been an extension of that.”

Whitaker said the team is currently looking for BRUTØ’s next chef, who “will be the center point of what we’re trying to do,” adding that the next version of the restaurant will surely be as different from Gomez’s interpretation as Gomez’s was from de Leon’s. Even so, the mission will remain the same.

As for Gomez, the future is bright — but unclear. “Personally, I’d like to just keep that to myself and not disclose what’s next. And that’s a nice thing to do. That privacy is a luxury,” he grinned.

In the meantime, a special collaborative dinner with a chef from San Jose, Costa Rica — Sikwa Restaurante’s Pablo Bonilla — is scheduled for May. In 2025, Bonilla became the first Costa Rican chef to be recognized by The World’s 50 Best Latin America.

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After a number of months, she called me out of the blue and wanted to come over. She admitted to cheating and said it was over with the married man and asked for forgiveness.

However, I question her commitment as she wants to keep her apartment. Do I forgive and take her back (I have no trouble getting dates) or just move on? There is a possibility of a job in a new city that is appealing to me.

— Either This or That

Dear Either: To quote the song from the musical “Sunday in the Park with George,” move on. The biggest clue, for me, is in your second sentence. You wrote, “frankly, we probably shouldn’t have been married in the first place.” If that’s how you feel, there’s no need to make the same mistake twice.

Infidelity is not always unforgivable nor is it something that can’t be worked through. But what I don’t see in your letter is a strong reason why it might be different this time. It doesn’t bode well that her most recent ex is apparently still married either.

When getting back with an ex, it’s healthy to be able to acknowledge what didn’t work before and to be able to communicate clearly about how you’re both going to change things for better outcomes in the future. It doesn’t sound like that’s happening. It’s fine to leave the past in the past.

Dear Eric: I lost my hearing in one ear and my nephew who’s an audiologist suggested a cochlear device might help get some of my hearing back. It was a successful surgery. Now I wear my hair a little longer than I would normally to try to cover it.

The device helps me be able to hear along with a hearing aid in my other ear. The issue I have is adults I don’t know coming up to me and bluntly asking, “What is that?”

I don’t mind explaining what a cochlear device is, but I was brought up not to point out people with visible differences/disabilities, etc. I just wish people who think it’s OK to ask a stranger “what is that?” would stop and think, is it kind? Or will my asking make the person feel better? Or do I really need to ask this?

I wanted to say “why would you ask me that? to the last person who asked me at a funeral. I wasn’t there to be a poster person for cochlear devices.

How do I say politely, none of your business?

— Please Don’t Ask

Dear Please: You’re right — you don’t have to be a spokesperson for cochlear devices or anything else that’s going on with your body or happening in your life. People sometimes forget (or ignore) the fact that one person’s curiosity doesn’t demand another person’s response. With regard to politeness, you don’t need to bend over backward to preserve a stranger’s feelings (or even a friend’s). The next time you’re asked about something related to your appearance or your abilities, it’s fine to say, “I’d rather not talk about it” and leave it at that.

Dear Eric: I was reading a column of yours where a senior couple was asking about downsizing and distributing the many articles (art, antiques, furnishings et cetera) they have collected over the years in their home.

I actually work with some companies that do exactly that. Our profession is called “Senior Move Managers” and there is now actually an association called National Association Of Senior Move Managers.

I am a retired nurse who loves working with seniors, and I am always a little surprised when I tell people what I do (part time) that they have never heard of the service. Believe me, I will definitely be using such a service myself in the not-too-distant future!

Moving is always difficult, and especially so for seniors. It really becomes overwhelming with all the decisions to be made and what to do with all their belongings. Many managers can pre-sort, give or ship items to family members, use donation centers, help lay out a floor plan for the new residence, pack them and unpack them. I just wanted to give you that information because I think it is a very much needed service, especially for seniors!

— Senior Move Manager

Dear Manager: Thanks for sharing this resource. Personally, I’ve had wonderful experiences with senior move managers. And I often get letters from children struggling to help their parents downsize and other seniors facing life transitions. I think a lot of readers will appreciate knowing about this possibility, whether for themselves or for a loved one.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)