I hear this question a lot, and it inspired me to sit and write down my perspective, since I, too, wonder why things are the way they are, especially for me, on a personal level.

Bad things happen to all of us, personally, professionally, to our communities, countries and on a global scale. Who’s responsible for it all? Who’s to blame? Is the right response to be angry, hateful and shaming? Is the right response to get even – you know, an eye for an eye? Who do we point our finger at? Well, more often than not, we point the finger at God as the perpetrator of our challenges. He’s the one that’s responsible for the way it all is, isn’t he?

I believe many of us do use God as a scapegoat. A scapegoat is someone or something upon which we project our worst qualities. That way, we can remain in denial that they exist within us. Interestingly, we also scapegoat others with positive qualities that, again, we feel we need to deny exist with us (More about that in my next blog.). Through this amazingly sophisticated practice of denial we remain unconscious of our individual contributions to those aspects of life that only seem to be out of our control: both the aspects we desire as well as the undesirable.

When we experience a violation, where something is done to us, or is taken away from us – such as power and control, anger and rage arises. If we explore the quality of experience underlying rage and anger, we experience powerlessness and helplessness. Such an experience is solely a consequence of being human. In owning and experiencing powerlessness to the fullest, something inexplicable happens: compassion arises for us and our nemesis. (Honestly, it’s far easier to just make God the scapegoat for all our woes.) But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

If I don’t own my humanness (the experiencing powerlessness and helplessness) then I cannot empower myself to explore and discover ways in which I have perhaps contributed bad things happening. In so doing I don’t get to know myself and all the ways I’ve learned to be me. I can deny myself this process, in service to my egoic stance that I am a victim, I am powerless, and I deserve retribution. However, by doing so, I also deny myself the opportunity to witness my own process; how I’ve been perceiving the world;, how I make choices that have me personally contributing to good things happening, and to bad things happening, including war, poverty and disease, to be more specific.

Sadly, most of us are addicted to being right, so much so that we deny, or distract ourselves from the truth when we are wrong. The consequence of our righteousness is staring us in the face. The majority of our problems in the world stem from the fact that we can’t admit when we are wrong. Pointing the finger towards anyone else and blaming them for the way things are, leaves us righteous, yet at the same time, we become powerless to make a difference, for ourselves and for the world.

I believe that it isn’t God’s job to stop bad things from happening on Earth. I believe it is our job – as humans, to figure out how each of us contributes to the pain, suffering and grief that we experience, that we witness, and that we perpetuate in every arena in our lives.
We can’t insist that God be “all loving” and not also insist that we ourselves practice accountability for acts that are unloving and unkind to ourselves and others.

We can’t insist that God create peace and not also insist that we ourselves practice accountability for inflicting disharmony and pain, through our thoughts, words and actions upon ourselves and others.
We can’t insist that God provide, share and be generous and not also insist that we become present to our own withholding, and lack of generosity of spirit, again, to ourselves and others.

I have no doubt that it isn’t God who abandons or betrays us; or who brings about war, poverty and disease in the world. Yet, when I’m angry and hateful, God has often been the go-to-guy as a scapegoat. And, when I look to myself for the creation of my woes, I’m often surprised to discover aspects of myself that I didn’t know existed. Nothing bad, just ways of being that were not contributing to peace, prosperity and well-being for myself or others.

Look at it this way: As adults, we have to allow our children mistakes and suffer natural consequences, so they learn to make smart choices. If we don’t let them figure things out for themselves, and we intervene on their behalf, they will keep making bad choices and expect to get bailed out. They may act out, throw tantrums and create havoc. However, if given a safe space to work things out; slowly but surely they will come to realize a better solution to their situation. They will cultivate intelligence and accountability. They will drop their emotionalism, their pride, ignorance, and their desire to be right, in service to a more fulfilling way to be in the world. I think this is what God has in mind when he lets us be with war, disease and poverty. He’s respecting our capacity to grow ourselves up and figure it out for ourselves. I have no doubt that the human race is a lot smarter than it appears to be. We are just incredibly stubborn about not wanting to be wrong.

Many non-traditional, non-Western methods of working with violence, poverty and disease focus on personal and spiritual issues that have gone unnoticed, ignored, and denied. The journey through illness, for example, has brought many individuals to deep personal healing. They express deep gratitude for being given such an opportunity to grow and discover a greater sense of self. Many say they wouldn’t have chosen to do any self-reflective and/or self-healing work if it hadn’t been for their disease. They stopped blaming God and took responsibility for their illness and began to think, feel, and act in alignment with a higher wisdom, which inevitably brought them to personal peace. The positive consequence of this practice, for many, is that their disease is healed.

Unresolved spiritual issues of adults are carried by children of the next generation. They are carried by pets, and most likely employees, co-workers, by our communities, countries and, yes, the planet Earth. Unmanifested dis-ease becomes manifested in ways that we can’t even imagine. Too many of us want to remain ignorant of the energetic and vibrational nature of our emotional selves, but the fact of the matter is that this ignorance is killing us, our children, and our planet.

This is not a popular position. Many see this as a way to blame, shame, and guilt people for what appears to be out of their control. My intention, however, is to remove the shame, blame, and guilt from all of us and from God, so we can truly grasp the reality of a reality far beyond cause and effect, good and bad, right and wrong. By allowing us to perhaps see the ways that each person contributes to peace and war, to love and hate, and to abundance and poverty, we truly become responsible for the conditions of our personal lives and how we affect the lives of those around us.

This perspective requires us to have intelligent conversations with ourselves, asking the tough questions. For example: How do I contribute to peace in my life? How do I contribute to the peace of my children and my family? Now, don’t do anything else but be mindful throughout your day, and notice what thoughts and actions contribute to peace and which one’s don’t. Over time, you’ll come to perhaps choose to be more peace-full, or you might just continue to contribute to a non-peace-full life and reality. It’s really all up to you!

In essence, by scapegoating God for the bad things that happen, we’ll never learn to empower ourselves to greater maturity, wisdom, and intelligence. And, by scapegoating God for the good things that happen, we cannot own our capacity to create beauty, wonder and love – realizing our fullest potential to live in our essential nature. For now, trust me when I say that in truth, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by getting curious about who you are and what is really true for you. There’s nothing more to do.

If you are challenged with blame, anger and hate and you’d like to shift the current conversation you are having with yourself, contact me to set up a coaching session.

When the movie was over, I was saddened that we were brought to possibility that perhaps Pi was delusional, due to the traumatic events he survived, so he constructed a story about the tiger, and that none of it happened. And, the audience is left to decide for themselves which story they believe to be real. I didn’t want to have to think!

Each of us, who watched the movie, have to answer the question for ourselves. Which story do we prefer – the fantastical one that is out of this world or the logical, rational explanation?

I’ve been studying David Hawkins’ work. He provides an extraordinary description of life in the state of presence and the reality that is beyond logical/rational, dual and Newtonian reality. He talks about the potentiality that is, and that because we are oneness and the totality of what is, we have access to potentiality of the Universe – we are the potentiality of the Universe. When we understand and accept this as reality and truth then we understand that this is how God works. In that the most outrageous phenomenon is possible because the universe is only potentiality. Our limited egoic thinking limits potentiality with logical, rational reasoning.

“In reality, nothing is causing anything else. Everything is the expression of its own essence and self-existence. Its appearance is dependent on everything else in the universe and the point of view from which it is observed. Everything is actually self-existence in its reality because everything is part of All That Is and has no individual parts, separateness, or independent existence.

In as much as it is not separate from everything else, its existence as it is requires no external cause. That which appears as manifest arises directly out of the unmanifest by the process of creation. It does not arise as an effect of something else. There is no ‘else,’ and only in duality does it seem to require an explanation, such as causality, to explain what appears to be separate events. Actually, there are no separate events, no separate things, and no happenings to be explained.” (David Hawkins, 2001, The Eye of the I, p. 110.).

By explaining this perspective, regarding Pi’s story, to my friend Cal, who was confused by the ending, something clicked in me and I realized the degree to which I was actualizing the truth of the life of Pi.

This is how God works and I’m actually getting IT!
The more I let go of any attachments to my position, my thoughts and beliefs based on logical and rational reasoning the more I evolve myself vibrationally and my resonance with truth becomes more harmonic. More and more often I experience the truth that I lack nothing in this moment. “Lack implies that you would be better off in a state somehow different from the one you are in.”(A Course in Miracles, 1985)

Its making sense to me that we can’t just use certain tricks or learn the secret. We wonder why certain spiritual do-dads and rituals work for some and why they don’t work for others. It can’t be a trick! It can’t be a trying. It can only be a practice of living into “I lack nothing in this moment,” and “nothing needs to be different.” The more true this becomes for each of us, the more the Universal Source of All that Is – ME – begins to unfold in alignment with this TRUTH.

For the majority of my adult life, I worried and wondered where my clients would come from, where the money would come from, where love and friendship would come from. Over the course of the past few years I’ve been in a practice of discerning truth from falsehood. I’ve practiced truly living into what I say is true. I’ve experienced nothing more challenging than being in integrity with myself. Can you believe that?

There have been many who’ve walked this path before me and I practiced faith that their experience, which is explained as Universal, would be the same for me. So, I just keep letting go of worries and fears. Its brought me to a place that none of this really matters; its brought me to doing what I do now because I’m inspired to, or because it’s in alignment with my commitment to live in truth, not fear. I’ve stopped thinking about potential clients calling and surrendered my will to my higher power. And, low and behold, new clients are showing up and new opportunities to speak and do my work shows up, too – effortlessly!

Oneness (2003) says something like: The Highest Vibrational Results are always forthcoming. I used to be frustrated because nothing seemed to change. I realize now that conscious evolution wasn’t taking place as long as I was holding on to a position that limited potentiality. I’m now experiencing the evidence of this statement made by Oneness. There’s no magic, no tricks of the trade, no secrets to uncover – just truth. Okay – now it’s getting fun!

David Hawkins talks about the evolution toward Self, and I see that I/we have to evolve to a different level of consciousness – our whole being, in order for the desired results to actually come into manifestation. I use to say that with a good degree of trust. Now, I’m getting it through experience.

Each of us, on a daily basis, has to choose which story we like best – which story we want to live into. If you want to experience the full potentiality of your being choose to release beliefs that limit that potential. One belief at a time – no more than that, and you’ll actualize the most phenomenal life imaginable. That’s how God works!

Transformation, we think, is easy. We believe that it’s something that just happens, like miracles and magic. It’s as if we have to do nothing at all, and all of a sudden – presto-change-o, we are transformed. We imagine with that transformation that life is effortless, and that there is no more hard work to be done.

Change, on the other hand, occurs through conscious choice-making. This obviously requires consciousness, which means you have to start by cultivating a desire to be awake, aware and open to what is. Change doesn’t occur on its own; it requires conscious choice. I know I’m repeating myself, but this is an important fact.

Cultivating the Desire to be Conscious
Choosing to be awake is a choice that requires a change in perspective. This in itself is costly to the egoic-self. When you change perspective, you start perceiving and witnessing as a witness, separate from the reality you thought was real.

Choosing to be conscious and awake to the plethora of possibilities one could choose to believe to be real leads to having to take inventory of all that has been true, or believed to be true. This leads, more often than not, to some hard bumps, as this sorting process channels one toward that choice-point where change potentially takes place. This leads to the next step, where one chooses to change perspective, thought, or action in service to what is fundamentally known to be true.

Every time we consider choosing change, we face a long list of risks and consequences that may befall us. Humiliation, heartbreak, grief and loss arise, as the dismantling of the personal paradigm unravels and shifts. The unraveling of all the threads that had been woven together over lifetimes begin fraying, thinning and disintegrating, as a maturing-self begins to see what couldn’t be seen before. You find yourself realizing that the consensus reality doesn’t fit you anymore.

Choosing to awake, choosing to see what is, from your own unique perspective requires the steps of letting go of what no longer serves. We have to choose to release ourselves from dreams, wishes, hopes and beliefs we so desperately wanted to be real. Every fiber of our being is attached to the way we made believe it to be, and it is excruciating when we begin to separate ourselves out from that, knowing nothing more than we are not that.

Change takes conscious choice. Change takes intentional focus, commitment, discipline. Change often feels as though you are suffering and that it isn’t worth the pain, agony and grief that you are enduring. This is when we begin screaming for the sweet taste of transformation.

Rarely does transformation take place within a heartbeat. Transformation is founded upon what has been built through intentional processing and change. I’ve seen and heard many stories about instant transformational experiences. The fact of the matter is that, many of those transformations were not sustainable because they didn’t have the foundation or infrastructure to hold all that the experience of transformation brought with it.

Those who truly know and speak of transformation have done the legwork. They’ve been intentional and committed and have endured the conscious choice-making process. Those who’ve experienced transformation often forget all that had gone on before that prepared them for this moment. They forgot how they had felt lost or in a maelstrom with pieces of their lives flying in all directions. They forgot that they had made choices that, at the time, seemed insignificant and unimportant. They minimized the courage it took to choose differently, from those around them, who thought them foolish. It didn’t occur to them that during the grieving over their loss that they were opening up to an expanded capacity to be in the world in such a way that allowed the fullest expression of their essential nature.

Believing in your dreams, enough to change, takes will, surrender and faith. It takes conviction that its worth letting go of what no longer works for what you truly believe in, no matter how far into the unknown you have to go.

Sometimes, after receiving the best news ever, is when I plummet the furthest. It doesn’t seem to make sense at the time, but through experience I’ve come to understand that as I keep choosing to change and expand the edge of my comfort zone, I have to clear out clutter and reboot. Its sort of like when installing the latest updates on your computer. Sometimes your computer crashes and you gotta start all over again. Sort of.

If you want transformation you have to be willing to change. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to have what you say you want. Transformation or change is not for sissies; but, no one on Earth came here to be weak and pathetic. Sometimes it feels like a good option for awhile, but more often than not, all of us will choose to change, doing whatever it takes to live fully into our exquisiteness.

Transitions often force us to consider changes we’d otherwise ignore. I’m deeply committed to coaching you to empowering changes and inevitable transformation. Call me at 360-376-4323

After sharing some time on Skype with my daughter Elissa, grandson Andrew, son-in-law Jason and my sister Patrice, who is visiting them in Scotland, I consider what I may be missing. I think about what kind of mother I am and the choices I make that have me here on Orcas and not in Scotland, being a Grannie-on-the-spot. I wonder if I need be different.

Over years, I’ve come to share myself in a transparent way, sharing aspects of my humanness that make people ask “Why would you share that? Aren’t you afraid people will judge you?” These questions make me wonder if I need be different.

I bought a new desktop computer, the new software for Office 2013. I spent 10 whole dollars on new fish for my aquarium and for my outdoor ponds. As a solo-preneur, I rely solely on myself to make things work. Financially, I often feel over committed and resourced to the max. Need I be different?

I miss my children. I miss the lifestyle of the rich and famous. I miss the social connections I’d have if I lived in a more populated area, and where my work might take me – perhaps to more stimulating environments. I miss vacations to warm, tropical and exotic places. I miss eating sushi, Mediterranean foods, and having access to all sorts of cultural foods and objects d’art. Need I be different?

My spiritual path has me make choices based on my highest truth and my highest good. I listen for inspiration and move in the direction of least resistance. This often requires me to reject the consensus reality that I’ve been immersed in for lifetimes. I am wary when I feel pulled in the direction of choices based on fear. Witnessing my lifestyle, others wonder and ask if I need be different.

Choosing to choose is what we are doing all the time – quite often without being conscious to this process. Being true to one’s self is extremely challenging, sometimes. All the ways I’ve shared above are questions between playing on Spirit’s Team or for the team Consensus Reality. I sometimes disappoint others by choosing what I choose. I sometimes disappoint myself too. However, in choosing what I choose I have to be with consequences of my choices. I choose to honor all the aspects of me that are part of these conversation. When the questions revolve around “What will people think of me?” I consider that what’s more important is what I think of me.

As humans, we continuously face a barrage of thoughts that suggest that who we are in this moment, and what we are doing now, may not be what we should be doing. We always have options to choose differently, to be different, and to do things differently. How do we decide if we need be different?

The ongoing dialog between our need and desire for security and stability and the desire to live and thrive within our own knowing presses us incessantly to consider the risks and consequences of our choice-making. We worry and angst about what is true, what is mine to do, what if I’m not doing it right, and why, if I’m following my highest knowing, do I still feel doubt and sometimes unsafe. Need I be different?

It’s scary and challenging to choose. And, I will need to be different – only in service to what I say I want. This does create a paradigm shift, indeed. This does require a leap of faith, indeed. This does require the discipline to practice thinking and acting according to one’s truth, not one’s fears – unless one is committed to maintaining the belief in the fear-based reality.

The unfolding of our human lives allows us to witness and observe a lot of truths. Only by discerning your own personal truth and practice walking that truth will you find how you need be different.

Justifying my existence through other people’s assessments of me has been a serious endeavor. From the outside, it may not look as if that’s what I’m doing. Yet on the inside, I’m constantly looking at my options through the lenses of how I measure up to others. This is a hard habit to break, but one that inevitably brings me to the clarity of how I need be different.

“When you act in your own highest truth, you are acting in everyone’s highest truth.” Roger Walsh
I want it all, and yet, the fact is, in this moment anyway, I have to create a hierarchy of desires and commitments. I have to let go of my attachments to what I don’t have, to whom I am not, where I am not, and who I’m not with. Wishing and hoping often keeps me swirling in dissatisfaction with what I have and who I am.

My highest commitment is serving my highest wisdom. Everything else comes next. Yes, there is sadness and anger, and also self-hatred, as I sit in the powerlessness that comes in recognizing that I can’t do it all, or have it all, or be all of it in this lifetime. Then comes compassion and forgiveness as I accept what I cannot change. Eventually, I’ll arrive, once again, in serenity. The practice is becoming more familiar – not necessarily easier.

Engaging in the journey towards Truth rarely happens on a path of rose petals. It’s hard work. And, my desire to have it be different, doesn’t mean that I’ll need to be different. It just means that I’m needing to be. There’s no need to be different.

By bringing a thinking partner into your life you may discover ways to empower yourself that you’ve never known were present in you. I’d be honored to support you in this process. Contact me at 360-376-4323, email me at rosie@dr-rosie.com.

When is an act of love not an act of love? Its when that act is attached to personal gain.

I love my friend Harry. In this moment, I want to stop him from doing something very foolish and could be life-threatening. Yet, what I’m experiencing isn’t founded on love. It’s found on a need to gain control and to experience self-righteousness regarding my assumption that Harry doesn’t no better than to choose what he’s about to choose, and that I know better than him. I question my motives in this moment and find myself wanting. The question is: What am I wanting?

Telling Harry to do it different would alleviate my frustration, which arises from, literally, being powerless and helpless in the face of his decisions. My choosing to choose to intervene is founded on a need to correct the experience within me. And, if that is so, how is this an expression of love? I’m discovering that what I am wanting is to gain an absence of discomfort – a restless, irritable discontent. This has nothing to do with love.

In this moment, I’m exploring the contents of this restless, irritable, discontent, and what I uncover is anger, grief and powerlessness.
Though I could assume love, care and concern are part of this equation – I’m not feeling it, because truthfully, it is not here, in this moment. My calling Harry to act with more wisdom is really an opportunity to potentially control someone I can’t control, and allows me to avoid the experience of restless, irritable discontent, as well as powerlessness and helplessness.

The likelihood of Harry taking my advice, which he hasn’t asked for, is minimal. I will only be playing into a game I created, which I’ve attempted to win, yet in all my years, I’ve never, ever won. The game is that I share my wisdom, it gets rejected, I remain righteous and then get to say “I told you so,” when things go bad. If I make my “move,” Harry won’t take my advice, nor experience it as an act of love. I can maintain my sense of control and righteousness and all is right with the world. My game is like a drug of choice to avoid going to the source of my restless, irritable discontent, and nothing more.

All twelve-step programs are created to assist all of us who attempt to soothe that restless, irritable discontent with any number of salves – Alcohol, drugs, sex, love, food, worry, anger, self-abuse, TV, retail therapy, video games – yes, all of these are attempts to alleviate or change what is. The truth of this lies in the practice of not doing, or letting go of the need and desire to control want is not controllable.

The serenity prayer begins with “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” I will tell you, if you do no other practice than to mindfully be present to ways you don’t accept what you cannot change , well, this is intense work!

This work of cultivating awareness to how you think what you think, then choosing to think differently, only in service to what you say you want, does bring serenity. It also brings about an awareness of how love expresses itself through you. All you have to do is decide what it is you are truly wanting, then notice how your current circumstance is a direct reflection of all the ways you aren’t allowing your heart’s desire to be realized.

By noticing and cultivating awareness, you will undoubtedly come up again your restless, irritable discontent. Now what do you do? What you do is to empower yourself to powerfully surrender your will to your higher power – God, as you know him/it to be. This practice will inevitable bring you into a space of serenity, and allows you to plug in to a heartfelt sensation that becomes recognizable as love.

It’s a phenomenal practice to let go and let God (or, any higher power). However, without this practice we ongoingly live in a mish-mash of survival strategies that have us ignore, avoid and distract ourselves from our true, inherent wisdom, from which peace, serenity and love comes forth.

Who is being loved when you let go of control? It can feel like a cutting edge between love and control. Its takes discernment to realize when my enforcing control is an act of kindness and when its just me exerting righteousness.

This journey often feels as though there is an absence of love, or that you are acting in an unloving way. This is grown up processing. Loving, as an act of doing nothing, can feel irrational and counter intuitive. Utilizing the mature wisdom that is within you – when you are thinking like a grown up, is what’s required.

If I save Harry, he will not gain wisdom through the natural consequences of his own choice-making. And, I was shocked to hear in my head my response to the thought that he might die. I heard myself say “if he dies, I won’t be able to tell him I told you so!” It’s amazing the absurdity of our thinking mind. Obviously, anI told you so has nothing to do with love.

I’m pretty sure that there are many people who, like me, see themselves and loving, yet operate from a position of knowing what’s best for others, judging and assessing other’s actions, and finding that those judgments really are not sourced from love but from egoic desires to be right and in control.
I see my need to save Harry as a desire to resist feeling powerless over aspects of life that I cannot change or control.

To realize that I can’t control Harry’s behavior or save him from himself has me feel tremendous sadness, anger and powerlessness. I don’t like feeling this way, and like most of us, I will continue to try to not feel these feeling through ridiculous acts of control. The most loving act, though, is to feel my feelings, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to do so. This is an act of loving kindness and self-compassion. Through this practice, you, me, we are able to source love and allow it to flow in ways that my little mind cannot fathom, but my BIG MIND knows to be true!

It is not shameful or humiliating to admit being in your current circumstances that have you be powerless and helpless. This is just part of experiencing humanness. I’d be honored to support and empower you to walk this path with intention and clarity of purpose. Please contact me when you are ready! 360-376-4323.

Consider, for a moment, engaging in an act of kindness. I word this request in this particular way in order for you to get how huge an endeavor it is. It is not just a matter of doing. An act of kindness, or any act, for that matter, comes from a state of being. So, to consider, brings you into the moment where you begin to mindfully engage in cultivating awareness of the state of being, which allows an act kindness can unfold.

Where does an act of kindness begin? Maybe it would be helpful to begin by looking at where acts of revenge come from. Revenge is as intentional and kindness, don’t you think? You have to consider how you want to employ your energies in service to fulfilling revenge. We say we want to get revenge, or get even. What’s the quality of being that generates or inspires revenge? The thought might be something like “they got what I wanted; that was supposed to be mine; they hurt me, so I’m going to hurt them.”

These thoughts arise from a place within – a place that is experiencing some sort of violation. Most likely it arises from a felt-sense of a violation of trust. We feel it in our bodies. Trust is based on a belief or a perception that is so inherent in our being that we have come to see it as my right. When my right is violated, I want to correct the error through might. And, if I get my way, that revenge will feel sweet! Can you see how much consideration goes into being engaged in an act of revenge?

So back to engaging in an act of kindness: What is this foundation of an act of kindness? As, I’m writing, I’m considering the source of that act, and its challenging to experience it in my body, though I know that it is within my body that the source resides.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness, Senseless acts of Beauty is saying that has been around for a long time. I was profoundly moved by this statement from the first time a saw it. “Why,” I asked myself “do we need to post these kinds of phrases that remind us to practice kindness and beauty?” I then considered the degree to which I practiced random acts of kindness and beauty and realized that it wasn’t as often as I thought.

When I began to practice random acts of kindness and beauty, I realized the degree to which my “kindness” was attached to looking good in the eyes of any witness. Rarely were my acts purely an act of kindness, generosity or beauty. I saw my ulterior motives. This was humbling, to say the least.

I realized that I had a lot of pent up resentments. I could sense that resentment in my body and heard the words in my head “Well, why should I…; Why do I have to be the one?” Or, “Why is it always me.” This gave me pause to reflect and consider how I’m choosing to live my life, and perhaps I could consider choosing differently.

Like each and every one of us, I have plenty of reasons to withhold kindness, to be resentful, angry and vengeful, but, that isn’t actually in alignment with what I teach. There’s something that had to shift within me in order to allow kindness.

As part of a coaching training program, I was introduced to the concept of acknowledging people for the contributions they bring into the world – just by being. We were asked to acknowledge people – especially people we didn’t like. Acknowledging people is an act of kindness. And, as I considered who I would acknowledge, I experienced a visceral response, which attempted to convince me that I had a right to my position of righteousness, and the person I was supposed to acknowledge didn’t deserve to be acknowledged. I didn’t want to give them something for free.

This was such a powerful moment as I considered how self-righteous I am with my “Oh, so loving” demeanor. The fact was that I had been a pretty hate-full human being. Now what?

Sourcing my acts from a place void of hate, resentment and anger, required that I unconceal the essence of my humanness; the one I trust is real and foundational to my experience of connection and compassion. I considered what I’d lose through engaging in an act of kindness and realized that the only thing I’d be losing was my self-righteousness.

I also considered what I would gain through such an act. I realized that I’d gain the quality of engaged connection that I always wanted with others – not out of manipulation, not out of a need to be seen as good and loving, but out of an authentic expression of what is true, in this moment.

In considering engaging in random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty, I realized that, my acts impact me at a soul level, in that, when my words or actions are in alignment with my highest truth I experience fulfillment. Allowing engagement at this level allows for the fullest expression of my essential nature, and, at the same time, allows for the awareness of the same in another.

I know, without a doubt that acts of revenge and hate can sometime feel oh – so – GOOD! However, as always, considering the outcome of my acts of hatred or acts of kindness, I am at choice. And, sometimes it isn’t an easy choice! It’s a moment to consider.

I would be oh, so, honored to support you in empowering yourself to be the fullest expressions of kindness and beauty. This can be hard work, so sometimes hiring a thinking partner just makes sense! Contact me at rosie@dr-rosie.com.

You have a desire – a calling. Something is telling you that there’s more, but the way is unclear. Uncertainty and self-doubt encourage you to stay on the well-worn path. Academics is a well-worn path. However, is it the right path?

I came across this Rumi poem, translated by Coleman Barks.

My own experience is that the graduate education and experience I gained through three masters degrees and a Ph.D., well, I couldn’t be without them. Each contributed to who I am today in a way that is foundational.

As I say this, there’s a niggler tugging, saying that the MSW was not foundational and that I took it for reasons other than that I experienced a river moving through me – a joy. I did the MSW because it was politically correct, when in the 1980’s a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy had no credibility – especially on the East Coast of Canada, where psychologists and social workers where the only “therapists’ that could get hired by the provincial government. So returning to school I thought would give me credibility I needed. It didn’t!

In my position as an admission counselor at ITP (Now, Sofia University), many years ago, I’d ask the same question to anyone who called, wondering if this school was for them: “Do you feel a calling to do this work?” For some, it was a YES! For many others, what they brought to the conversations were rationalizations and justifications; that it would help them get a better career, they’d feel more confident, experienced, credentialed. I often encouraged these people to seriously consider what’s underlying this path of reasoning. If its fear-based, I encouraged them to work through their fears first, then – listen for the calling!

More times than I can remember, clients of mine would decide that going back to school was what they needed to do. They’d think that getting that second masters degree was the thing to do. Its not that they weren’t keenly interested in the subject matter, however the drive was generated from something other than a calling. After completion of the degree, I’ve gotten calls, saying “Well, I’m done with the program and I’m not feeling any more competent or prepared to step into the unknown.” They shared that going back to school was a way of skirting the real issue – engaging fully in the intimate relationship with the unknown.

Education – in the normal sense of the word, provides information – and rarely the enough experience required to face our humanness, especially when it comes to carving out what’s ours to do from the unknown. Even the most prestige’s MBA programs rarely provide experiences that ready its students for what they will face in the real world.

In the more spiritual sense of the word, education is what happens when we choose to realize that we have been living inside black water in a well. If the school you are considering doesn’t begin your studies with “We are born and live inside black water in a well. How could we know what an open field of sunlight is?” Well, my personal point of view is, you aren’t in the right school!

Obviously, if you require specific skills and tools for engineering, technical careers, architectural or design degrees, well, I get it!

School of Hard Knocks
The academic world taught me very little, when it came to lectures, books, papers and quizzes. What I learned, I learned by engaging in this carving out process. Exercising muscles of clarity of intention, committed enough to figure out, so to speak, how to get out of the well – only hearing of the open field and sunlight. I read the other day that those who have heard of enlightenment will never be satisfied with anything less.

Before you choose to go back to school, see if this is a fear-based choice or if it feels like a river running through your soul. Really and sincerely from the bottom of my heart – I encourage you to work with a coach to explore your essential truth and what it is you are truly called to do.

I loved my time at ITP (Sofia U.). When I was complete with my studies, I didn’t know what I was going to do next and it didn’t really matter. As scary as it was to have be in debt for over a thousand dollars, I knew that the experience itself was what I was there for. The rest is just details.

I would be honored to support you in your consideration of what’s yours to do. Please, don’t hesitate to contact me. My job is to empower you to experience the joy as you find your place in the sunshine! 360-376-4323

I’ve been working on bookkeeping for taxes, cleaning up errors in my books, creating the content of my current coach training – in summary, attending to nit-picky stuff. I hate attending to anything where a high degree of attention to detail is required. I’d rather hire someone else to do it for me – pay them thousands of dollars so that I can avoid the angst and vulnerability that arise through doing what’s required as a solo-preneur.

When working with clients and students, I love attending to details; otherwise I HATE IT!

There are a lot of things I hate doing, but given my current circumstances, its come down to me doing what needs to get done, whether I like it or not. And, its curious to me that I can actually allow myself to experience fulfillment just by doing what needs to be done. This is after decades of avoiding, resisting and procrastination.

The initial intention of doing what I hate was to save money. Of course, interesting insights revealed themselves. In doing what I hate to do I’ve had to get over myself and be accountable and responsible for everything I’ve created and continue to create in my life. The outcome of this practice is that I have to question the intrinsic value in taking a stand that has me hate anything.

For instance, I hate cleaning paint brushes, because if the job isn’t done well, the brushes get stiff and unusable, and I end up having to throw them out. I’d rather just throw them away or have someone else clean them. My whining voice says “There’s too much possibility of failure here. Let’s just do something else.” On one occasion, when I offered to help a friend paint her kitchen, she asked me to clean the brushes. I couldn’t say no after offering to help. So I put aside my whining self, I put aside my normal – lack of attention to detail, and did the best damn job I could with cleaning those brushes. I considered how other people love to clean paint brushes and I witnessed how my whining didn’t allow me to do the job that needed to be done – and allow for the possibility that I could actually enjoy it. It was a stretch, but I actually allowed myself enjoyment!

I whine in the same fashion when doing my own bookkeeping and attending to the minutiae of being the production manager of my book publishing process. Attending to details as an exercise has allowed me to drop my incessant critical and negative thinking process, which includes whining and wishing I could pay someone else to do this, worrying about the errors I’m making, and avoid the vulnerability I feel as I ongoingly face another round of edits and changes.

I realize more and more often that angst and anxiety arise from my fear of being vulnerable. Then, just the other day, while reading David Hawkins’ book Transcending the Levels of Consciousness, that vulnerability persists as long as there is an attachment to gain, pride, vanity, control, and more. Well, that certainly made a clear case for the fear of vulnerability being so relentlessly present. I have a lot to lose by messing up! I’m safer limit myself to doing those things I’m good at.

What You Resists Persists
I think there is an intrinsic value in completing a task, and as I face the next round of revisions, I remember one of the most important intrinsic value, for me, of doing anything, is the learning that comes just by doing it. Shifting my attitudes allows me to be present to what is, and to handle what is without judgments. Just do it, because it needs to be done.

As I exercise muscles which limits negative thoughts and just do it, my relentless resistance dissipates. And, I’m handling those details with more delight in their completion. Honoring my commitment to learning and completing what I promised myself I’d do brings a deep sense of dignity and honoring of my whole being.

Doing what I hate – as a practice, exercises brain muscle and cultivates awareness of what I resist while uncovering the source of that resistance. Training my mind to witness and observe those emotional and physical sensations that stop me from trying something new or challenging, allows me to STOP, LISTEN to the thoughts chattering away that make me feel anxious and vulnerable, and LOOK to see if there are specific interpretations in place that I can choose to relinquish, in support of making my highest and best contribution to my own life and to the world.

Because I’m experiencing less anxiousness and vulnerability and am hearing far less negative self-criticism, the REWARDS of this practice, I’ve discovered over time, is that I have greater access to my creative potential. Frankly, I have nothing to lose.

The experience derived from doing what I hate has had me on a steep learning curve. Yet, more and more often, when I have to do something I hate I can more quickly assess what I’m up against, regarding perceptions and beliefs I’ve interpreted as bad, yucky or dangerous, and perhaps choose to see another way to look at it all. I have free access to a larger bandwidth of choices. And, what used to be HATEFUL is now kind of fun! (And, just as an aside, I am much more creative! Go figure!)

Whether you hate facing what’s needed to grow your coaching practice, or that you are facing mounds of unaccomplished tasks that seem overwhelming, I’d love to support you in cultivating a practice that will turn what you hate into a fulfilling and meaningful practice that will cause delight and freedom to abound in your world! Call me: 360-376-4323.

As a teacher, facilitator and coach, I encourage my students to immerse themselves in a self-study program that allows them to fully realize who they are – that their security, stability and function in the world has nothing to do with what they believe to be true – only what they know to be true. The only way to know who you are is to dismantle your current belief system, to individuate and to differentiate yourself from everything you think yourself to be, do and have. You have to experience the truth to realize the truth. And, you have to experience it personally before you can live it, teach it or coach others to experience it.

As daunting as this sounds, to immerse yourself in a self-study program in spirituality, there is a way to see this that perhaps could have it seem more engaging than overwhelming. I was thinking the other day about language immersion courses, where if you want to learn a language – let’s say Chinese, you go to China and expose yourself to the language, the people and the culture. By doing so you free yourself from referring incessantly to the limited perceptions that tether you to what you believe about language, based on what you learned speaking English. You have to give up the rules used for the one language and come to engage the rules of this foreign language. You don’t have to, but sometimes it’s a lot easier by doing so.

My experience with cultivating fluency in spirituality, or in spiritual practices is that we tend to attempt to transfer the logical and rational, or the rules, from the reality we live in to a reality that doesn’t play by those rules. We absolutely know that we can’t learn Chinese using any part of English language to do so. It is nontransferable. You have to leave outside the door everything you learned about English in order to begin to even see the possibility of making sense of the symbols and the sounds that make up meaning for those speaking Chinese. Initially, its crazy making; however, it doesn’t take much time at all, if you immerse yourself fully in the pratice or the culture to understand the meaning within the symbols and the verbalizations.

Those who immerse themselves in the self-study of who they are realize that the world we live in does not translate into a world that is eternal, formless, limitless and immersed in love. What the heck do we do with the rules regarding security, fear, vulnerability, gain, lack, mine, yours, attack, …?

Our non-spiritual reality – the one we call “our lives,” is void of presence to those aspects of self that you came into human form to experience. We cultivated a language of thought and beliefs within our heads to help us interpret the languaging, the behavior and the reality around us. We developed a persona, a personality with which to interact with the culture and circumstances we are immersed in. We’ve forgotten that we are actually human beings, or for that matter spiritual beings having a human experience. I’ve come to believe that what I think is right, good and true are merely perceptions, and most of them are inaccurate.

Learning to dismantle the culturalized me, in service to allowing the eternal me to be known and expressed is much like giving up the beliefs that the rules that apply to speaking English apply to every other language on the planet. And, I have to be committed enough, to learn Chinese, that I’m willing to let go of everything I ever learned about speaking English. I have found the same to be true for cultivating awareness of the me that lives outside the culturally based reality. The world beyond what I believe to be real plays by different rules.

Some people go off to India to find themselves. Actually, the funny thing is, is that wherever you go – there you are! If you want to immerse yourself in the self-study of you, all you need to do is begin to want to know you, here, now, in this moment. Its FREE!!!

Case in Point
My client Darren, continually experiences his life as not meeting his expectations. He believes that he his living a spiritual life, so he should be receiving the rewards. I began to explore with Darren what and who he believes himself to be, living as a spiritual person, living a spiritual life. I asked: “Darren, let’s say that before you came into this human form, you had an intention for what you wanted to bring into this life. What was it that you wanted to be or bring into this lifetime?” Darren’s response was “Love.” I asked him to put this into a full sentence, and he said “I came to be an expression of love.” I then asked – “To what degree, Darren, are you living your life as an expression of Love.” He answered 50%. I asked why not 100%, if this is what you came to be.

Darren, was quiet for a few moments, then began to share the angst, worry and fear that made up a lot of his life. He had a lot of fear about basic survival needs, his ability to make a living, and that perhaps no one wanted what he had to offer. Though, Darren understood and espoused spiritual principles such as: “I am love” and, “the Universe always provides abundance for me,” he actually wasn’t living as if these were true. He was actually living from “I can’t have what I want; I’m frustrated, disappointed and angered; and why bother trying if no one wants what I want to offer.”

The bottom line was that Darren actually wasn’t trusting the Universe to provide for him. So, he continually thwarted intuitions and internal guidance, which made him nervous and took him out of his comfort zone. He minimized his vulnerability and in that minimized being an expression of love. Interesting how that happens.

Immersing ourselves in the process of self-study requires intention, commitment and discipline only enough to fully engage in what we know to be true. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing; just enough to stay the course, realizing that we are already that which we seek to become. Only by presencing ourselves to ourselves are we able to cultivate the language and culture of that BEING, which allows for easy, effortless expression.

Take the time now to contact me for more information about my Transformational Coaching Training, personal coaching or organizational/leadership development. I’m here to support you in strengthening your intention to live what you know to be true. 360-376-4323

Andrew is my two year old grandson. His reality is fueled by exuberance in discovering himself through the world that surrounds him. He is oblivious to the multidimensional reality that allows him all the freedom and expansion required for a Child of the Universe to thrive and blossom into his full potentiality, while all of thethis’s and that’s of the grownup world is out of his realm of consciousness.

In the age of innocence, Andrew doesn’t think about or worry about things that scare him. If something bad happens, he looks to his mom and dad for comfort and support. He isn’t cognizant that he even needs to trust or have faith, so as not to worry because, in his reality he doesn’t need to trust or have faith. He knows that all is right in the world. These are concepts he will grasp once he forgets that he knows. 

Andrew’s mom and dad are the kind of parents that delight in his innocence. They do what they do in order for Andrew to experience a safe and stable environment within which to play, with abandon. They know that this is how he will cultivate awareness of who he is while learning new skills, developing language, and strengthening muscles that allow him to run his fastest and jump his highest. Never are they not conscious of their role as guardians. Never is Andrew alone or abandoned. Even in their slumber, his parents have one ear always attuned to the little sounds of Andrew.

In many ways, all of us grownups are little Andrews. In our innocence, we are oblivious to the multidimensional reality that has our world be the way it is. We don’t see that the playground we consider to be our reality is safe to explore, so that, just like Andrew, we can continue to discover who we are while growing and expanding ourselves.

We play grownups so we can learn how to be in relationship with ourselves and the world around us. When we make believe that there are bad, scary things happening, its so we can learn to find the courage and muster the skills to bring life to order. Because of the learning opportunities that are constant throughout one’s lifetime, we learn to “make sense of it” based on the ability to make believe – choosing and deciding what’s so, based on the naive perspective of young child’s perception. No matter our age, we forget, deny or become amnesiac to the reality that this is play time, and that there are guides and guardians unseen to us who support us and keep us safe, always.

Bad things happen in the sandbox, the playground and in our home, school or work environment. Its part of the grand design in play; to learn how to be with what is and with those who share your reality in this moment.

It’s a game of Hide and Go Seek
Its as if the Powers-That-Be play hide and go seek with our innocence. Usually, for most of us, at around the age of six, we have an experience that appears to shatter our innocence. In that moment, as a six year old child, we come face to face with a world that “looks as if” something is WRONG and Scary! It feels uncomfortable and doesn’t making sense or compute within our beings. In this moment, we are faced with the opportunity to utilize the capacity to make sense of what is – or what appears to be so, to a six year old child. It comes down to one of three possibilities: there’s something wrong with me, with it or with them. And, I am powerless and helpless to do anything about it!

In a child’s mind, because parents are essentially Gods, rarely are they given the blame for the current circumstance. Generally – and I’ve found this true with 100% of my clients, it is the child who takes the rap for the way it is. Loss of innocence is actually a rites of passage into the realm of thinking and strategizing,in relation to what doesn’t make sense. And, more often than not is experienced as powerlessness, helplessness and hopelessness. This is the moment that we being to live with a secret about ourselves. The secret? In one way or another, I’m not enough, and that makes me unworthy, unlovable and dispensable.

A client, the other day shared that what he decided was true, given the circumstance of his life, when he was six, was “I am nothing.” Another client shared that she was “nothing more than a dirty, bad, disgusting, tiny piece of poo.” Me? I decided that it was dangerous to be me and I better be like someone else if I were to be valued enough to be kept around.

Much like my clients, by deciding that it was dangerous to be me, I began to seek out strategies that would hopefully save me from abandonment and death. Hiding my innocent self – which most of us do consciously, is a choice we make to save ourselves. We become the hero to the victim in distress.

My client, Bruce, remembers the moment when he had to leave his innocent self behind. He made a promise to return and bring his innocent self out of hiding, once it was safe to do so. It took him about 35 years to reach the level of wisdom to do so. The reunion, he shared, was exquisite!

It may take decades to realize that we are only playing a game in order to discover who we really are. Inevitably, we get it. When my 80 year old mother was dying of cancer, my sister, Annie, asked her: “Mom, what’s the best way to be in my life?” My mom, who had been emotionally constrained, and who withheld much her vitality throughout her life, responded “Laugh your head off!” My mom got it before she died. I’m glad for her.

In the moment that we hid our innocence and took on our secret, we began the hero’s journey. We began creating survival strategies in order to look after ourselves; we came to believe that because of the secret, we couldn’t trust that anyone would find us worthy. Who would want to love and care of me as a tiny piece of poo? Andrew isn’t here yet but most adults I know, once they’ve decided that they are unworthy and unloveable, they rarely turn back.

When life gets tough and we get scared, we often decide – I know I do – to return to the foundation of my made up truth: that I must be wrong, or, I must have done something wrong for life to be the way it is. Its only when I seek guidance from wisdom beyond my deciding to make believe that the world becomes right again.

Through this process, I believe, we cultivate the ability to bring our innocence back into the forefront. By doing so, each of us realizes that being ME is foundational to the fullest expression of who I’ve come here to be and what I’ve come here to do! And, in remembering ME, I can, if I want, stop pretending that I’m scared and remember I am safe and secure within in my own little sandbox. I can remember I’m making it all up myself, while my higher wisdom – Mom and Dad, if you will, eternally keep me safe. I can return to innocence.