Meet Mr. Logan – just five days old. His little wrinkles and perfect face just melted my heart. He had me at hello.

Last night, we arrived home late. We both ran around getting snacks for the kids, tucking them into bed and two minutes later, one of them was up for water, followed by another one who had scratched himself and was “bleeding” (from the sounds of him, it was profusely, but I needed a magnifying glass to detect blood) – he required a kiss and a bandaid and all was well in his world. Another one started coughing which woke up the only one that had actually fallen asleep. Finally, the house was quiet. The dishwasher was humming with the day’s load of dishes, the washing machine was full of clothes being cleaned and I was staring down a mountain of clothes needing to be folded. Brian was out in the garage cutting wood for a renovation project and when he finished up, we sat down with a cup of tea and turned on the tv. It did not dawn on either one of us that tomorrow was a day other than any other normal Tuesday.

Styling and photo by Jorah:

By 2am, the coughing child awoke coughing harder than ever. After a round in the steamy bathroom with the shower running, some Vics and snuggles, she had finally settled down into a quiet sleep again but the clock read 3:30am. We settled back into sleep and at 4:45 our child’s incorrectly set alarm clock went off. She slept through it, I was awake. Sometime in the next hour, I fell asleep but had to fight to wake up when the alarm clock went off at 6:15. Once again, I wished I could imbibe in the morning tradition of caffeine rich coffee because I knew I needed something to get moving! The kids were up, packing up backpacks, getting agendas out to sign, panicking because they couldn’t find their permission slip, packing up their lunch bag and then it came, the sudden realization that today was not just Tuesday, no, it was Valentine’s Day. The first child asked “where is my snack to take for the party?”. Then the second child asked “what about my snack for the party?”. Then the third child said “remember I still need three more Valentine’s for school today”. The blood pressure started it’s upward climb.

At no point last night did it dawn on either one of us that we had to make snacks for school today. The fridge got opened and outside of broccoli and leftovers from two suppers ago, there was nothing that screamed take me for a snack. But ah ha! On the cupboard sat two loaves of Brian’s precious banana loaf. It isn’t often that bananas get a chance to go bad in our house with four fruit loving children in the house, so when they do, Brian’s mouth waters because he loves banana bread. He made up some on Sunday and today watched most of it being carted off for a school snack. Tragedy averted, well at least for my children. Brian thinks this indeed a tragedy.

Styling and photo by Kadin:

We headed off to work/school, making good time so we had extra time to print the extra Valentine’s. For this part, I was at least sort of on the ball. Three weeks ago, I let them pick out their favorite Valentine’s candies. Two weeks ago, they set up little sets and photographed their candies. Then I printed out the photos and they mounted them on cardstock for their Valentine’s. They put them together this past weekend and we came to realization that each of them were short just a few cards so I had to print more. I forgot to do this yesterday so we arrived at work a bit early to get them finished up. However, the printer decided to have an issue, the double stick tape would only stick to itself, the cardstock we had brought got bent all up in the journey to the studio, and there were three very excited children bouncing up and down giving me advice and suggestions for how to make it all work. I finally finished fighting technology, they wrote on their friend’s names and we raced to school.

Then I returned to my studio, made myself a cup of tea wishing it was laced with caffeine, and attempted to get my blood pressured lowered. In the mad rush of this morning, I didn’t even get to wish my Valentine a happy day. Instead, we shared a fly by kiss (you know the ones, where you are running off in one direction, and he in the other and its a quick passing of lips that almost reach but not quite entirely and then the kiss is gone and the moment over before you even realize it happened!), and I heard a Happy Valentine’s Day blow back on the wind.

In my perfect world, those Valentine’s would have been finished last week, a beautifully decorated heart shaped pan of brownies would have been ready for each of my children to take to their party, I would have been cool and collected, my husband would have gotten a card and surprise from me and more than a fly by kiss, I would have looked completely put together when dropping my children off at school and been completely at ease when I kissed them off. Instead, I look like a frantic woman, hair not quite straight, clothes that have a breakfast stain on them as I ate while blow drying my hair, my husband had to watch his prized banana bread be carted off to school, and the last of the Valentine’s were crooked, will likely fall apart by lunch time and my daughters all look like poor orphans in their pretty pink dresses with ragged hair as I failed, in the craze of the morning, to brush their hair. Happy Valentine’s? I think not. Surely, I’m not the only one?

Styling and photo by Kalla:

So, to rectify all that this tired momma failed to pull off today, I want to share with you my Valentine’s gift to my hubby. I could go buy him chocolate, or find some old bananas and bake him a loaf, but instead I will make up for the fly by kiss. To my hubby, my best friend, my teammate in life, and my co-partner in the craze of holiday madness, I say to you this because I don’t always say it when life gets busy: I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul. As cliche as it sounds, you really do complete me. I love that every single day, I only have to turn around to see you by my side, to reach out and know that you are there always for me, whenever I need you. I love sharing in the joys, and I love dividing and conquering the not so happy holidays together, I love when you are overwhelmed that I can make you smile with just a few words, and I love when I am overwhelmed, that your touch on my arm can remind me breathe again. I thank every one of my blessings that I get to share this life with you, for together we are stronger than either one of us by ourselves. I love you the mostest! Happy! Valentine’s Day Bri!

I do also want to add – to those Mom’s at school who have made the most beautiful Valentine’s snack, who have helped their children make fancy candy bags tied with a pretty ribbon, who have not only hair done but makeup on and tidy, matching clothes on, are perfectly on time, have clean, neat children with clean faces and combed hair and who do not look frantic with wide eyes but instead, are smiling serenely at their children and me when I pass by, I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving me something to aspire towards! Someday, I hope to be there too! Until then, well, know that it is my broccoli at the school snack and that I am at least providing your children with a healthy snack! I do get one more chance to get it right for Valentine’s Day. I hadn’t even thought about Rylynn needing Valentine’s but I was informed at dance yesterday that her Valentine’s party is next week. The fun continues – we shall be making more Valentine’s this week!

We created our first window display for our studio, we started it a month ago and spent a frantic lunch yesterday throwing it together and putting it up! It is my heart on a sleeve as a month ago, while waiting for dance class to finish up, I asked each of my girls to put on their favorite song and dance. They each wanted to put on a tutu and then danced while I sat and captured some of it on camera. The idea for the display came from this impromptu session and here are just a few images from it (Kadin is missing from the display for he has no desire to wear a tutu and his dance is intensely private, he doesn’t like to dance in front of us):

For three years now, I have not hear his voice, watched him tip his head back in a great big belly laugh while playing with my children, or felt his arms around me in a hug. I have not heard his jokes, seen him all dressed up for a family holiday, or even argued with him. I miss it all so much. On one hand, I cannot believe three years have passed since that aweful day came into my life, but on the other hand, I have felt his absence every single one of those days and it hurts.

Colin is still very much a part of lives – he is there in our stories, in our memories and in our hearts. There are reminders everyday of the life that he had – his number is still in the phone book, the street we turned down to go to his house, the wiggle cars he raced with my children, the look on my son’s face when the light is just so, the oil truck standing at the well site and bright red sunrises like the one that lit up the sky the day he died.

Today, I will watch the candle dancing in the light, and I will smile at his memory and the joy he brought to my children. And I will say once again, I miss you so much little bro! I love you forever!

Print competition feels like this to me – it isn’t my photograph on display that is being judged, it’s me for every photograph I make is a part of me. It is my heart, it is what I feel, what I see and what I am. It is my version of the events that are taking place before me. The work that I do isn’t a job to me, it is part of my heart so taking these images that I have spent some much time planning, creating and finishing and putting them out there to be judged is a nerve wracking experience. Why do I do it? I have to is the simple answer. I am always looking to improve my work, to master a new part of my craft and to prove to myself that I can stand up among some of the strongest photographers across the province and the nation (I’m rather competitive like that!). Entering print competition is also a major requirement of working towards my master’s! All of the work that I submit is work that I have created for clients, I choose to do this rather than creating an image specifically for print comp, so that I am always on my toes, I am always doing the best work that I can do. It is after all, a part of who I am!

This year, the Alberta branch of the Professional Photographer’s of Canada held their annual print competition in Edmonton on Feb 3 in conjunction with their convention. The awards were presented at the Petroleum Club on Feb 4th at a formal dinner. This year, I had two images recognized! The first was “Escape”, an image I captured on the beautiful shoreline of Lake Michigan. This image was a bit of a serendipitous moment for me, I had just finished photographing family portraits for these 7 cousins. We turned them loose and off they went to chase the gulls and stomp in the pools left on the beach from huge crashing waves. The clouds parted and a beautiful sweet light came out to highlight the cousins escaping down the beach! “Escape” won “Best in Class” for the group portrait category!! This is the second year in a row that I have won this class! Last year, “Family Lines” won this category! It is also the second year in a row that the “group portrait” category has not had a single face in the image – which challenges the definition of the category!!! The second image, “Love’s A Gamble” was nominated for “Best in Class – Wedding Group” but unfortunately did not win! This image I created for a client – a bartender and a waitress that met while working for The Honey Pot in Wainwright, AB. I wanted to incorporate their story of how they met into their wedding day portraits.

Print competition day is always an up and down rollercoaster! I entered two more images that did not fair well at all. It is crushing to hear the news that my images are not good enough, but at the same time it fuels the fire in me to create even better ones so that next year, my print competition results are even better!

Who says boys are the busy ones? I know a couple of girls who could show a few boys a thing or two!

Life ain’t always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin’ all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don’t work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin’ its sweet time

No, life ain’t always beautiful
But I know I’ll be fine
Hey, life ain’t always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride”
Lyrics from “Life Ain’t Always Beautiful” by Gary Allan

There is a very special woman in my life that I am fortunate to call “Auntie”. No matter where I am in my life, no matter how long it has been since I have seen her, she always has the ability to lift me up with her huge smile and caring heart. I have always considered her to be one of the happiest people I know, and she is truly beautiful for her beauty shines from within.

Auntie Marj is also a very special person to my children. Whenever they are over for a visit, they are made to feel like the most important people in the whole world. To my Rylynn, she is super special for when I get busy with work, Ry would go to her auntie’s to spend the day. They would sit down for tea, colour pictures, play playdoh, make a craft and chat away like old friends. She is always begging me to visit Aunt Mar, and it was always the highlight of her day when we did. For my daughter Kalla, when Auntie Marj found out none of my immediate family would be home for her birthday party, she held the party at her house, complete with campfire and wiener roast. For my Jorah, who once said she loved the design of a Barbie dress, Auntie Marj designed and sewed her a similar dress of her own for Christmas. For my little man, Auntie Marj did all of our dance costume alternations and she would have him try on his costume and then make him feel like the most handsome young man in the world. She also had a stash of Archie comic books that he got to borrow! His favorite part of visiting at her house!

In June of this year, Ry and I headed over to, “Marj’s Garden”, my Aunt’s greenhouse business. I think it is Auntie Marj’s favorite place to be. Rylynn and I arrived and Auntie Marj got down with Ry as they examined nearly every flower in the greenhouse. Rylynn got a little watering can Auntie Marj kept on hand for her and “helped” her take care of the flowers. After a little while, Ry asked to bounce on the trampoline so I took her over while Auntie Marj worked with a customer. I climbed on with Ry and she started bouncing around, before long, Auntie Marj joined us. While Ry bounced between us, Auntie Marj and I stretched out on the trampoline beneath a beautiful blue sky. We laid there and chatted about anything and everything, we listened to the bird’s songs, the bees buzzing and just thoroughly enjoyed each others company. At one point, I sat up and said that I should get back and get to work, Auntie Marj patted my arm and said “no, this is where you need to be, sometimes this is just as important as working hard”. We laid there all morning, being as lazy as can be but feeling the richness of the beautiful morning together.

Somehow, she knew exactly what I needed – a morning in the fresh air, surrounded by the scent of her flowers and the love of a woman who enjoys my children as much as I do. It was an eye opener for me because I realized how little of this kind of time I had allowed in my life. Time to recharge my batteries, time to connect with someone whom I love dearly, and time to simply smell the flowers and just be. There were no worries, no pressing demands on my time, just the company of a dear friend and my daughter. That afternoon, after I headed home, I accomplished more on my to do list than I would have done all day because I was re-focused and relaxed.

My Aunt has been the one person in my life that has taught me this lesson. When my children were tiny babies, and I would spend the day just sitting and holding them, gazing at their smallness and newness, knowing that I should be doing something productive like cleaning my house, she would be the one that would point out to me that I was doing something more important. I was setting the stage for my child’s life by making them the most important thing in my world. She would always tell me that dust bunnies would still be there tomorrow, but my child would never be this tiny again. She’d encourage me to slow down, appreciate the beauty in what I had and accept that I did not have to take that moment away from myself.

Over the years, I often found myself sharing moments like this with her – on long nights when Brian was working, we’d spend a couple of hours on the phone chatting as my Uncle often works late too. Every time I spoke with her, I could hear the love and pride she had in her family, I could hear the happiness she found in her life regardless of what was going on in her life, and I could share with her the trials I was experiencing or the antics of my children. Even when she had something to complain about, it was shrugged off with a comment of “oh well, that’s life” and she’d move on. Auntie Marj had richness in her life, not in her bank account, but in her ability to accept that life was life, challenging at times but always able to provide joy if you just look for it.

As an adult, my Aunt has come to be a cheerleader to me, someone to share the challenges of raising children, someone who understood how much I love my family, she is the person I knew I could count on whenever I needed someone there, and she is the person that could reach me at my heart and help me to see how beautiful life really is, even when there are tears. Since moving back to Mannville, she has become so much more than my Aunt, she has become a really close friend.

On Christmas morning, after opening our gifts, we headed to Auntie Marj’s for a visit. The kids immediately devoured the treats she had baked for them and after filling her with stories of the treasures Santa brought, they headed off to the toy closet. Auntie Marj and I “caught up” and enjoyed sharing in Christmas cheer with our husbands. Two days later, on Dec 27, 2011, I got the devastating phone call that my Auntie Marj was gone from this earth.

Once again, I find myself in shock, my heart in pieces, tears in my eyes and having to break the sad news to my children that somebody so special can no longer be in our lives. I can’t answer their questions of “why” because I have them too. Why her? Why did I have to lose another person in my life who is so incredibly dear to me? How do I explain it to my three year old? The morning after Auntie Marj passed, Rylynn rummaged through her drawer and pulled out the shirt that Auntie Marj had given to her on her last birthday, she smiled as she put it on and told me that it was from her Aunt Mar. I could only smile at her through my tears because she doesn’t understand. Once again, I find myself sorting through a lifetime of memories and creating a slideshow that should showcase the heart of this woman. But how do I show what a morning laying on a trampoline means to me? How do I show what her life lessons meant to me? And why on earth did I not take more photographs of a person who meant as much to me as she did?

I know I will never find answers to these questions just as I know I will never hear her voice again. Through my tears this week, I am remembering her lessons to me and I am finding the beauty in her journey. Auntie Marj was truly a beautiful person. She has a heart of gold that will continue to touch me and my family throughout our lifetimes. While my heart breaks knowing that this person is no longer a part of our day to day lives, I know that I am truly blessed that I got to spend the time with her that I did. I am beyond blessed that she was my Aunt and that over the years, she became my friend. I may never have another cheerleader and role model in my life like I had in her, but nobody can ever take away the lessons and love she gave me while here on this earth. I can choose to take those lessons and pass them on to my children, and I will always know the richness that she brought to life. It has been another harsh lesson to me that life is precious, that I have to willingly choose to live each moment fully and I have to choose to seek happiness for only then will I find the richness that life can offer.

Godspeed my dear Auntie Marj, I know that you are now walking through gardens full of rich blooms watching over us. I pray that I find the strength in life to live as beautifully as you did.

To all of our valued clients, our friends and family, we want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. We hope this holiday season brings you treasured memories and moments full of love and joy! Merry Christmas!

We will be in the mall with Santa again on Dec 17 from 1-4pm! See you there!

Our tiniest visitor this year!

This little miss took one look at Santa and let everyone know she was less than impressed!