Dragons Fandango

The Next Big Thing

2012-12-12T07:00:00.000Z

Last week I got double-tagged on this Next Big Thing meme that's been going around by Emma Jane Davies and Jo Thomas. It's kind of like the flu, only doesn't last as long. Unless I ramble on a bit answering the questions.

1. What is the title of your next book?

I see. Right in there with the tough questions like some sort of reverse Columbo. My next book could well be 'An Alternative History of Balesley Green', which I originally wrote a few years ago. Or it could be 'Her Incidental Music', sequel to 'The Office of Lost and Found', which I started this year. Or it could be 'Billy's Monsters', which is a young adult spin-off to the same book that I started a few months ago. But I'll go with Balesley Green, just to keep things simple.

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

I found it in a shrubbery. Or ordered it off Amazon. Or stole it off someone. I can't rightly remember. It was a long time ago.

3. What genre does your book fall under?

Genre? Pah! I laugh at your pitiful attempts to label my work. Balesley Green transcends categorisation. It exists above and beyond the realms of genre in that rarefied air known to agents as 'hmm, I'm not sure how to sell this'.

4. What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

No idea, which is a shame, because this question lends itself to dropping in a few pictures to help liven up these drab lines of text. Even though I dabble in artistry, I don't form strong mental pictures of my characters and I keep their descriptions deliberately brief / vague so the reader has plenty of latitude to come to their own casting conclusions.

All that said and after due consideration, I do think we need some pictures here, so I'm going to pluck a few British thespians off the internet to arbitrarily answer the question:

Sam as an adult - Colin Morgan

Alice as an adult - Gemma Arterton

Monty as an adult - Alfie Allen

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

When Sam was a kid, he had adventures in the village of Balesley Green that put the Famous Five to shame, but now he's all grown up and those adventures have come back to haunt him.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Those aren't the only two avenues open to an author in these halcyon days of double-strength squash (seriously, I thought sliced bread was good, but double-strength squash is awesome. Much of the muscle in my arms came from carrying home 3 litre bottles of concentrate squash and now I only have to pack a 1.5 litre bottle instead!). Balesley Green is due to be published by Fox Spirit Books once I've got round to giving it a final edit.

I haven't the motivation to self-publish, though I might try approaching agents with one of the other next books.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

About eight months and that first draft was just shy of 200,000 words. It's got shorter since then. That involved writing for a few hours most evenings and over weekends. My new approach to writing is to write for a few hours once in a blue moon and for some reason it's proving less productive.

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

I'm woefully ignorant of most books out there, so I don't have the knowledge to make a fair comparison. I can say that it took watching 'Hot Fuzz' to reassure me people could accept a concept that goes from mundane to over-the-top, even if no one was sure how to sell it.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Cold, hard commercialism. Honestly. I'd just spent four years working on a never-finished trilogy of books that I figured would only see the light of day if I could write a more commercial and accessible novel in order to build a readership first. I should have written about a gruff anti-hero righting wrongs or solving crimes, but frankly it ended up more fun writing the kind of book I wanted to read, but couldn't find on the bookshelves at Waterstones.

10. What else about the book might pique the reader's interest?

What else? My friend, you're making the assumption that something has already piqued the reader's interest. They could be sitting there, right now, staring at their screen with resolute indifference. Is there anything I could tell them about the book to spark a sniff of interest in their readerly nose? Well, there's action in there, people running about shooting guns and so on. There's romance. Tragedy. Comedy. Sheep.

And that's it. I should infect some more people to carry this meme on, but I'm afraid I haven't had a chance to ask anybody yet. If I get around to it, I'll come back and add their names in here.

A little bit of Fantasyland

2012-10-21T22:54:00.001+01:00

Off the Record 2: At the Movies with an umbrella...

2012-09-27T16:16:00.000+01:00

Yesterday marked the accidental, pre-emptive launch of 'Off the Record 2: At the Movies' thanks to Amazon being far more efficient than they claim to be. So, I thought I'd write a post here about how and why I have a story in the anthology called 'The Umbrellas of Cherbourg'.

This tale starts in deepest Sussex, where a fine upstanding gentleman of Swedish descent reclines in the leather-bound armchair that takes pride of place in his sizeable library. He is somewhat saddle sore from a day practising dressage outside the stables of his expansive estate, but at this moment in time, posterior discomfort is far from the forefront of his mind, because this man has just finished reading 'The Office of Lost and Found' and is pondering what he might write in his review.

It's doubtful you know this man's real name, but you might be aware of his increasingly famous alter-ego: Luca Veste.

What Luca did not know back then, is that to read and enjoy one of my novels has an unfortunate side effect - a moderate to high risk of contracting Anthologist's Syndrome. It happened with Adele Wearing too (who's really an ice skating haberdasherist from Minsk, in case you didn't know), who succumbed to the affliction this year by collecting and publishing the anthology 'Tales of the Nun and Dragon'.

This unfortunate condition led to Luca compiling the first Off the Record, which featured short stories inspired by song titles. The follow-up took movie titles as its theme and this time round, Luca asked if I would like to contribute.

Now, I don't write many short stories and I've never written one before on request, but the concept was appealing and it was for charity after all.

Shortly afterwards I remembered why I don't write many short stories and fewer still on request: it's right difficult coming up with a good idea. Harder still to find one that lends itself to a short and snappy story. But surely having a century of classic films to serve as inspiration would help? Hmm, not so much. This was because I imposed a couple of rules on myself. Not because I had to, but because I felt I should. This meant I couldn't pick the title of any film that met the following criteria:

Was originally adapted from a book or short story. It seemed to me better to go with a title born for the silver screen.
Fully realised whatever idea was suggested by the title. 'Alien', for example. There's lots of stuff you can do with that title, but it'd be tough to top Dan O'Bannon's take. Ditto 'Rear Window' or 'Ghostbusters'.
Was suggestive of a story completely different to the one already told...

I'd never seen 'The Umbrellas of Cherbourg' and I've still not seen it now, except for clips on Youtube I watched for research. I did know it was a French film starring Catherine Deneuve, that it was lauded for its colourful cinematography and that all the dialogue was sung.

It's also not really about umbrellas. It's a romantic melodrama that just happens to feature an umbrella shop, which, to me, seemed like a horrible missed opportunity. Surely this was a chance to show umbrellas could potentially be the coolest thing in the world? (Disclaimer: I don't own an umbrella, because I don't mind my head getting wet and besides, they're a right pain when it's windy and they keep wanting to flip inside out. But since we're exploring the realms of imagination here, all that can be conveniently swept under the carpet).

You might not be surprised to learn that I spent a good while searching for a better idea, but nothing else came along and the deadline was approaching... and sometimes those ideas that come easily come easily for a reason.

This is how the story starts:

The arbiter of my life and death: a white umbrella dotted with circles from every colour of the rainbow.

I only had myself to blame.

I knew how long it took to get from Rue du Chateau to the Rue de Neufbourg and I knew how little time remained before the sun rose, yet I dallied at the shops, losing myself in a dream of a life transformed by the purchase of a new mug. By the time the shutters came down, the streets were empty around me. I knew I was in trouble.

If you want to read more, as well as a ridiculous quantity of other, excellent stories, then find the ebook here. The paperback will be along shortly.

Tales of the Nun and Dragon

2012-09-09T18:38:00.000+01:00

Now available on Amazon as an e-book, Fox Spirit's first anthology, 'Tales of the Nun and Dragon', is going to see limited edition print run before the end of the year and I have literally just finished the full cover, which extends the e-book artwork to include a tail and some more grass. Looking forward to seeing this wrapped around a real, live paperback.

P.S. The colours look better on my graphics tablet than they do on my main PC monitor, so hopefully you're looking at this on a monitor that's closer to the former than the latter.

Le Map

2012-08-12T18:28:00.002+01:00

10 Top TV Themes (though not necessarily a Top 10)

2012-08-08T21:58:00.000+01:00

The Avengers

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Randall and Hopkirk Deceased

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The Prisoner

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Matt Houston

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Magnum P.I.

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If Tomorrow Comes

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Airwolf

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Interceptor

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MacGyver

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The Equalizer

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Argh, no, writing advice... in bullet-points...

2012-07-05T18:44:00.000+01:00

After a conversation on Twitter this afternoon, I have decided to blog. Not only that, but I have decided to blog some writing advice. What makes me qualified to do that? Nothing! Except this diploma of awesomeness I have just awarded myself.

As is the convention, this advice will take the form of a list. Because I am efficient / lazy, it will be a very short list.

No one can tell you how to write...

Some writers plot meticulously. Some writers make it up as they go along. Some writers let their characters lead the action, others let the action dictate their characters. Some prefer to write in the morning, some in the evening and some are stuck writing snippets of prose in the toilet at work because that's the only time they can do it. Maybe alcohol helps. Maybe it doesn't. Have you tried doing five star jumps after every paragraph? Might be worth a go.

Try what other people do. That's fine. Stick with what you know. Also fine. Not fine? Anyone who says this way of writing is better or worse than another. People are different. Their circumstances are different, their upbringing, their way of thinking - there is no one size fits all.

... but you can learn how to tell a story

This is your craft. It covers everything from spelling and grammar to characterisation, dialogue and subtext. It determines how effectively you can tell your story. There is plenty of advice out there on how to improve, but remember: good writing is NOT a list of DOs and DON'Ts.

Such lists often cite a classic example of bad writing - opening a story by describing the weather.

Examples are great for illustrating principles. They turn something abstract into something concrete. But it's the principle that's important, not the example. If you don't know why opening a story by describing the weather is bad, then all you can do is avoid that example. You're still at risk of violating the principle behind it in countless other ways.

Good writing flows from an understanding of the craft, not following rules by rote. This understanding can be conscious (you can articulate the reasons why something works or not) or it can be unconscious (this bit feels right, that bit feels wrong), it doesn't matter. All that matters is without it, you're relying on luck rather than judgement to see you through.

Success is out of your hands

Here's where luck always applies. Sure, developing good story-craft helps your chances. Learning the market and getting an idea of what's currently popular and what's not can also help, as can networking and general working your butt off.

But all that can only take you so far. Luck decides if you make it to the big-time.

Luck also decides whether a couple of strangers - Joe Bloggs and Jane Doe - will like your book. It could be great, but Joe's a dunce. He can't appreciate your consummate prose and he completely overlooks your insightful examination of the human condition because he's too hung up on complaining about the main character's predilection for dandelion leaves, which he just can't get his head around. Meanwhile, Jane Doe hates hamsters and your book is about hamsters*, so she won't even read it in the first place.

A story is always mediated by a reader's experience. Everyone's experience is different, so if your story resonates with even one person, that's an achievement. If it resonates with many more than that, well, maybe you've got luck on your side.

* - Because, as everyone knows, hamsters can tell us a lot about the human condition.

UBVE #3...

2012-02-08T13:54:00.001Z

2011-12-28T15:30:00.000Z

Somewhat late, but I only finished editing 10 minutes before having to catch the train to head up to visit my parents for Christmas. So, here it is, Un:Bound Video Editions episode 2 - Zombies:

A competition associated to the show is up and running on the official blog until January 5th 2012.

UBVE #2: Zombies Trailer

2011-11-02T19:11:00.000Z

UBVE #2 Teaser...

2011-10-09T22:29:00.000+01:00

Me, reading

2011-10-03T23:47:00.002+01:00

The sound is quiet, so you might need to turn your volume up, and, well, it's me reading, so you might want to turn the picture down, but this is my performance in my 11am slot at FantasyCon 2011.

Some photos from Venezia

2011-09-26T20:49:00.005+01:00

Incantus Printiamus!

2011-09-05T21:33:00.004+01:00

Okay, I'm a little late to the party with this (and what a party it is, what with the balloon and the candle and the second-hand party-popper), but 'The Office of Lost and Found' is now available in print!

It's still available digitally as well, which means you can now choose between the following flavours:

eBook:

pBook:

The print versions also include 'Extra Bonus Feature Easter Eggs':

Artwork never before seen unless you've looked at my Flickr pages
The Office of Lost and Found short story I posted on this very blog for Christmas
Scans of some of my hand-written notes scrawled during the writing process

And because I have been tardy with this news, I shall hereby post an exclusive extra bonus feature to those bonus features - the first page of those hand-written notes with some extra notes added to offer some insight into what the first set of notes was going on about! Hurrah!

Suffice to say, this will include spoilers for anyone who hasn't read the book. If you dare brave the spoilers or have read the book, then by all means click the pic below for an enbiggened version.

Sampling Writers

2011-08-22T18:16:00.007+01:00

A brief on-line conversation around lunchtime today set me wondering if there was any relationship between the kind of fiction people write and their professional background. I have a vague notion that crime-writers are somewhat more likely to have a background in journalism or law, while SF/F/H seem to be drawn more from the ranks of the teaching and IT professions. Is that backed up by the facts though?

This led me to look at setting up a quick survey*. Two simple questions:

- What is / was your primary occupation? (Maybe allow selection of two or three)

- What genre do you predominantly write in? (Again, maybe allow selection of two or three)

Simple enough until I started thinking about the best way of characterising what it is that people write. The standard genres are fine - crime, horror, romance, science fiction, fantasy - until you start thinking about whether 'thrillers' fit into crime, if 'adventure' counts as genre and whether it's necessary to delve into sub-genres like paranormal romance or alternate history.

So, I decided to take a different tack. What if I covered all these bases by using a different breakdown?

Setting in time:

- Historical

- Contemporary

- Futuristic

Setting in place:

- 'Real' Earth (fits within generally held notions of history and physics)

- 'Alternate' Earth (allows alternate time-lines or existence of magic, for example)

- Beyond Earth (outer space or other planets)

- Fantasy Realm (no relation to our Earth required)

Primary Conflict/Drama:

- Comedy

- Crime

- Romance

- Adventure

- War

- Horror

- Mystery

- Social

- None (a.k.a. Literary - arf)

- Etc.

Okay, as may be obvious, this third category was tricky. I couldn't even think of a good name for it, given I was trying to avoid 'genre'. But that aside, it made clear something that has no doubt been commented on countless times in the past - lumping crime and fantasy, for example, into a bucket called 'genre', is the taxonomic equivalent of mixing metaphors. 'Crime' tells you about the central drama, but nothing about the setting. On the other hand, 'Fantasy' tells you nothing about the central drama, but rather more about the setting. Of course, in both cases assumptions are made about the flip-side of the coin - crime is typically contemporary and set on an Earth recognisable as our own - while fantasy can be stereotyped as elves and orcs going to war over some costume jewellery.

Now I've finished stating the obvious, I'll open up the question I struggled with so I can stop thinking about it and go cook some dinner:

- For the purposes of the survey outlined, how would you categorise the kind of fiction people write? It needs to be simple enough to be manageable (i.e. not every sub-genre and cross-over under the sun), but also detailed enough to highlight if there is a difference between those who write space opera and those who write hard SF.

* - At this stage me actually creating the survey in this version of reality is still an entirely hypothetical happenstance.

LFLogo

2011-07-29T22:01:00.004+01:00

Okay, so instead of getting on with the book covers I'm supposed to be doing or writing the short story I'm supposed to be finishing, this evening I have been cleaning up the logo used on the cover for the first draft copies of Lost and Found...

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Release Day

2011-07-03T09:48:00.003+01:00

So, it's finally happened. It's now possible to buy one of my books on Amazon. The giddy novelty is sure to wear off eventually, but for the time being, I'll do my best to appreciate the moment. Here's a new trailer to watch to mark the occasion.

P.S. I should also say that the piano samples mixed into the music for both trailers so far were produced by HardstyleRythm and downloaded from Looperman.

Lost and Found Reviews (and Interviews)

2011-06-28T15:38:00.013+01:00

Reviews are now starting to filter in for 'The Office of Lost and Found'. I don't know whether I'll keep this post up to date with every review (I imagine I'll lose track sooner or later), but these are the ones I know about so far, in order of posting, along with quotes I haven't taken entirely out of context:

First Draft reviews:

3rd., September, 2010 - Un:Bound - "... excellent storytelling, compelling characters and unrelenting movement."

Advanced Review Copy reviews:

26th., June, 2011 - The Eloquent Page - "... splendidly quirky detective story..."

27th., June, 2011 - I Will Read Books - "... fun, scary, surprising and bizarre." (Note: contains a few spoilers for the opening chapters)

28th., June, 2011 - Tony's Thoughts - "I would recommend this book to anyone who is slightly unhinged..."

29th., June, 2011 - Guilty Conscience - "... grips you from the beginning and hurls you around like some kind of giant... hurling machine."

Post-Release reviews:

20th., July, 2011 - Terror-Tree - "Overall, the novel is a real achievement and shows the author’s future potential, as well as being fun and entertaining."

21st., July, 2011 - A Gathering of Opinions - "Definitely worth checking out."

4th., August, 2011 - Geek Syndicate - "... an incredibly original debut novel..."

23rd., August, 2011 - Floor to Ceiling Books - "... did not have a single clue what was happening. Not one clue [...] It just wasn't for me."

6th., September, 2011 - Stanley Riik's Blog / Morpheus Tales #14 Supplement - "I doubt you have ever read anything like it, or will again. It’s a spectacular insanity..."

14th., September, 2011 - SF Book - "It's either completely genius or just totally nuts... If you are the adventurous sort and can stand the breakneck pace and concentration level required then you too should love it."

3rd., December, 2011 - Crime Fiction Lover - "It’s no rules crime, mystery, and fantasy from beginning to end."

21st., December, 2011 - Book Reviews by Elizabeth A. White - "Quite simply, The Office of Lost & Found is a deliciously demented, exquisitely written, massive dose of humor-infused creative madness which easily made my Top 5 Reads of 2011."

'The Office of lost and Found' on Goodreads.com.

Interviews:

2nd., July, 2011 - Guilty Conscience

18th., July, 2011 - Terror-Tree

The Anarchy Books list of me-related info.:

Vincent Holland-Keen updates

Slow painting after speed painting

2011-06-24T22:23:00.005+01:00

Okay, it took a couple more evenings to turn those initial sketches into a finished picture and the finished picture is somewhat flawed, but it's been good practice so maybe the next one will be better. I still can't shake the feeling that copying rather than dreaming up from your imagination is cheating, but if the ends are better, I guess that justifies the means.

Oh, and apparently the photo I chose to copy was of Leighton Meester, in case you were wondering. She's known for starring in Gossip Girl and should not be confused with Leighton Buzzard, which is a town in central Bedfordshire.

Speed painting

2011-06-22T22:34:00.005+01:00

I've made a few attempts at speed painting in Photoshop recently, but haven't got very far, usually because I started out without a clear idea of what I wanted to do and so gave up quite quickly. I was also struggling to paint faces that I was happy with. So, to get around both those problems, I thought I would cheat. I found a photograph on the internet to copy then saw how much I could do in an hour. And this was the result...

Sketch:

Shade:

Colour:

I might try finishing it later, because I suspect the touches that would make it look more like a photo and less like an airbrushed drawing are going to be a challenge in themselves.

Moo

2011-06-18T21:10:00.003+01:00

Business cards. Authors. Cheesy awkward self-promotion. Three things that often go together. On the other hand, it's a lot easier to hand over a card than it is to explain to someone how to spell my name. So, I thought I would try doing some MOO cards. Rather than just use the cover artwork, I knocked up a few different pictures this evening to use. I also thought of doing some sort of Top Trump collectible card game-thing with them, but after due consideration decided I was getting just a little carried away by this point.

The Blurb of Lost and Found

2011-06-13T19:18:00.002+01:00

As I don't think I've actually posted the blurb for the book yet and because I was asked for one in the comments to the trailer post, here it is...

THE OFFICE OF LOST AND FOUND

by VINCENT HOLLAND-KEEN

Thomas Locke can find anything. You know the hurricane that hit a while back? Word is he found the butterfly that started it. So, when a desperate Veronica Drysdale hires Locke to find her missing husband, it makes perfect sense.

Except the world of Thomas Locke doesn't make sense. It puts monsters under the bed, makes stars fall from the sky and leads little children to worship the marvels of road-works.

This world also hides from Veronica a past far darker and stranger than she could ever have imagined. To learn the truth, Veronica is going to have to lose everything.

And that's where Locke’s shadowy business partner Lafarge comes in…

FOCUS ON -

· DARK COMEDY
· TWISTED CRIME NOIR
· SUPERNATURAL HORROR
· ACTION AND SUSPENSE

If you like The Office of Lost and Found, try:

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
The Thief of Always by Clive Barker
Aberystwyth Mon Amour by Malcolm Pryce

So, this is what I spent my weekend doing...

2011-06-05T20:18:00.000+01:00

Coming Soon No. 1

2011-06-04T13:26:00.002+01:00

Book update

2011-05-31T15:36:00.002+01:00

After 87 years, 256 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds, I have finally finished copy-editing 'The Office of Lost and Found'. It has now gone off to Anarchy Books, which means my life is now once again blissfully aimless and without meaning.