Dreams and Schemes

Time Management Skillz

2012-02-24T10:29:00.000-05:00

Inspired by a recent post on The Green Room Blog, I decided to track my hours for the week.

Even when you are in-between gigs, the pursuit and maintenance of an acting career takes a huge amount of time and effort. This is easily my full-time job, but I also have to find ways to monetarily support myself, i.e., making time for a survival job.

Here is the rough hourly breakdown of my week:

Monday
2 hours - Catching up and writing emails, responding to tweets and other social media.
4 hours - Information session at acting conservatory and networking afterwards.
---
6 hours

Tuesday
4 hours - Emailing and social media maintenance. Blog for own blog, and write guest post for two others.
2 hours - At the gym. (Personal upkeep is park of the job, too!)
--
6 hours

Wednesday
9 hours - Survival job.
1 hour - Prepping for class this weekend.
--
10 hours

Thursday
9 hours - Survival job.
2 hours - Responding to emails, scheduling auditions.
1 hour - Social media upkeep.
--
12 hours

Friday
9 hours - Survival job.
3 hours - Emails, social media upkeep, submitting to new projects, reading industry message boards, blogging.
--
12 hours

Saturday
10 hours - Savvy Actor workshop
2 hours - Gym
--
12 hours

Sunday
10 hours - Savvy Actor workshop
--
10 hours

That's a 68 hour workweek. 41 of those were dedicated to emailing, submitting for projects, updating social media, blogging, professional development, etc, and the list goes on and on and on.

5 Years/5 Minutes

2012-02-21T10:39:00.005-05:00

I just read an awesome post on The Green Room Blog, about one actress' journey to log all of her acting-related hours in one week.

She spent 44 hours in one week, auditioning, preparing, submitting, and promoting herself.

I haven't logged my weekly hours before, but I am intrigued. Although it may not be viewed as traditional "work," working for yourself towards a creative career takes quite a bit of time and energy.

I've been networking and putting myself out there more than usual, and its not as scary as I thought it would be. Through meeting up with fellow bloggers and other working actors, I've found an indispensable resource. Something as simple as asking others what their experiences have been, and how they found themselves from point A to point B. Of course no two journeys are the same, but I'm putting my marketing background to use and trying to find the best practices.

"A best practice is a method or technique that has consistently shown results superior to those achieved with other means, and that is used as a benchmark." - Wikipedia

There is no handbook for become a thriving artist in New York City. Its not like a track in the medical field when going in, you have a good idea of how you'll be spending your time, and how many years it will take for you to become a doctor.

One thing consistent with all the people I've met whose careers mirror my future goals is that they've been doing this a long time. It took them 5 - 8 years to build to where they are today, which includes having an agent, writing their own projects, finding consistent work. Success is self-defined, but what all of these fine folks have in common is that they've been at it for longer than I have, and they are in it for the long-haul.

Someone once told me, if you won't give it five years, don't give it five minutes.

Good Girl?

2012-02-18T17:15:00.000-05:00

Last week I combined a few DC auditions with a mini-vacation to help recharge my audition battery. My parent's house is the place I go to for asylum. Good food, a comfy bed, and unconditional love helps get me back on my feet.

My visit was about 10% audition and 90% vacation. I got to catch up with many old friends and family, and came back to New York feeling ready to hit the audition mill again.

Back in New York, I auditioned for a show that hypothetically I should be an excellent fit for: legit, old-school musicals, singing really pretty music.

After my audition, one of the auditors said, "Tell me what you usually audition with."

I started to stutter and found myself at a loss of words. Did he not like my audition? What info was he interested in knowing?

After I spit out the names of a few pieces, he said, "So you like to go for the good girl, huh?"

Yes, I suppose so. I left the room feeling kind of weird. Like our exchange had been cryptic somehow. Did he not think I should be singing the 'good girl' parts? Did he just want to know how I saw myself?

Again and again I find myself confronted with the question, "What is my type?" I know the type I enjoy the most, but I have this nagging suspicion that it isn't how other people categorize me.

Should I even have to categorize myself? Why define and limit?

Hopefully the workshop I'm taking next weekend will help me demystify this typing process. I will stand up in a classroom, and get thirty first impressions of myself and my headshot.

:::just a little bit scared:::

Working from Home

2012-02-10T15:32:00.001-05:00

This has been a rather slow week compared to last. This week I only went to one audition compared to last week's marathon of seven. Although I significantly put myself "out there " less, I feel like I got more accomplished. I also felt really good about my audition today. I felt prepared and focused, and my voice was totally present; no nerves. I can feel myself improving incrementally, and it's exciting.

The beginning of the week found me in bed with a cold, which was a blessing in disguise because it caused me to prioritize my energy.

Working from home can be just as busy as tramping the city with my audition book. I updated all my Internet presences. It had been two years since I'd uploaded a resume to Backstage, and my linked in inbox was flooded with requests. I finally announced my next project (check out my website for the details).

I did a lot of research on future classes I'd like to take, I made phone calls I had been putting off forever. I applied to another temp agency and thought about where I see myself in 2 months, 6 months, a year.

I also watched all of season 2 of Downton Abbey. A girl's gotta have her vices. :)

Goals

2012-02-09T11:31:00.002-05:00

I attended a Savvy Actor workshop last night, and it got my gears turning.

What are my goals? How exactly am I going to get there?

I feel so focused on the day-to-day and then the BIG picture, that I often loose sight of planning how to get to that big picture goal.

Its overwhelming, but I think the key is to narrow the focus. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, right? Right now I'm trying to do so many different things: audition for regional theater, audition for NY theater, audition for DC theater, take voice lessons, look into acting programs, look into acting workshops, submit myself on Actor's Access to try to build a reel, submit myself on backstage, try to find an agent, try to get invited to appointments, try to jump into the dating field again, look for part-time work, maintain my friendships, maintain my professional relationships.....

The folks at the Savvy Actor really have something going for them, they recommend focusing on 3-5 goals at a time, otherwise you can get overwhelmed.

Right now I'm trying to whittle down that huge list and pick just five. High on the list are definitely NY Theater, DC Theater, and improving my skill set. Why do I keep submitting for film when I've never liked movies? This is just an example of my "Trying Harder" leading to inefficiency.

Those little vampire voices in my head keep whispering to me, "Why aren't you doing more? If you do more then you'll find more work. Maybe its because you suck, maybe you aren't good enough, maybe you are too old, maybe its too late...."

I'm stopping that bullcrap. I am creating a detailed plan and schedule as to how I'm going to achieve my long-term goal, which has always been my goal: To play the classic ingenue roles and sing my heart out on Broadway. I have always wanted to be Maria, Christine, Julie, Sarah Brown, Nellie, Eliza, Laurey, and Cossette and somewhere along the way I was convinced that I couldn't, because I'm not a classic blonde ingenue from Oklahoma.

Okay - you all heard it. The longterm goal is to sing legit ingenue roles in New York City. Preferably on Broadway.

The one-year goal is to add people to my team (like a legit agent) who will help me open the door to Off-Broadway and other New York work.

The six-month goal is to focus myself in classes and workshops that will hone my instrument and allow me to be the best performer I can be.

Confessions

2012-02-07T11:40:00.001-05:00

I have something to admit.

I gave up Facebook this year.

I converted my profile into a "fan page," which is entirely public, but only engages me in a one-way conversation with the Facebook community. I can post and reply to people's comments on my wall, but I can't go to someone else's profile and like, view, or post. I am thinking of it as a press device; its my way to update the internet, as a whole, of my professional life. Everything is filtered through me and everything posted is something I feel comfortable with everyone reading. There are no privacy filters, no untagging pictures. My Facebook life, for once, is completely transparent.

My father believes in the "Washington Post" rule: Don't put anything on the internet that you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the Washington Post. How embarrassing would it be to have drunken college pictures on the front page? Passive-agressive status updates?

My main reasoning was this: I found myself getting jealous of other people. It seemed wrong and unproductive to spend time each day "checking up" on people without actually communicating with them. If I went out for an audition and knew the other people there, I'd check out their profiles and see if there was a hint of them being cast. Not to mention past boyfriends and relationships: Facebook is the ultimate stalking device to see if someone has moved on or not. Often times I'd see something as simple as a picture, and invent a whole story in my head. I'd find myself stewing over hints found in wall posts or pictures, communications that had nothing to do with me, yet were available for my viewing.

"Why is that person working and I'm not?" "Who is this girl in this picture with him?" "What classes are they taking now?" "Are they happy?"

Completely unproductive.

In many ways, Facebook is a great social device. When there is big news in the theater community, such as the recent death of one of my teachers, Facebook would be a great way to get information quickly. Since I'm no longer "friends" with our mutual acquaintances, I was in the dark with no way to find out exactly what happened. I couldn't see anyone's statuses or send them a message. I've lost touch with some people along the way because they can no longer post on my wall.

And to that I say: its worth more to cut the negative energy and mis-used time from my life. No longer being on Facebook, I can't "check up" on people from my past, or feel tempted to post cryptic status updates when I want attention. If I truly want to communicate with someone, I have to do it the semi-old fashioned way: call them or send them an email. I also think its a great filter of relationships. If someone wants to tell me something, they'll have to do it a little more personally, and they'll have to try a little harder than clicking on my profile.

Numbers Game

2012-02-04T10:24:00.003-05:00

Really this picture has no relevance but I though it was funny.

This week was nothing short of insane. Lets play a numbers game shall we?

In no particular order or numeric sensibility:

7 auditions: 5 random friends made while waiting in line, 4 days of waking up at 6:30am, 4 good auditions, 3 EPAs, 2 Fiddler on the Roofs, 2 Sondheim musicals, 2 times almost hit by a vehicle, 2 appointments, 2 bad auditions, 1 Chorus Call, 1 turned away, 1 Disney Experience, 1 new monologue, 1 new song, 1 high E (like, the really high one), 1 letter of intent, and 1 colossal embarrassment = 1 tired me. I did more auditions this week than I had in the last six months of 2011.

I learned quite a few things this week via my crazy audition experiment. Above all, it is most important to be well-rested, well-prepared, and well-attitude-ed. If any of those three things are lacking, I don't give my best audition, which means, I'm wasting my time. I tried out some new material this week, and now I know what works and doesn't work. I've learned the power of a good book to pass the time. Also important is to bring your food and coffee with you. No reason you should get distracted because you are hungry.

Also powerful is the concept of rest, of not overextending yourself. My worst work came on Thursday when I was mentally and physically exhausted from pushing myself to the limit. Friday morning I relaxed, and felt better equipped for Friday afternoon's audition. Treated myself to a night out with some friends at a comedy club and laughed my ass off.

Auditioning full time is not a sustainable practice. Not even sure it is a best practice. Instead of focusing my energy on projects appropriate to my skill set and resume-level, I was reaching for everything. From now on I'm going to try to more effectively use my time so I don't burn myself out. Its very easy to get caught up in the audition process and almost feel obsessed about it. I need to slow my mind down and focus on priorities!

All that said, I am DAMN proud of myself for geting through the week. Yeehaw.

Five and Counting

2012-02-02T22:01:00.002-05:00

The ups and downs of auditioning are incredible. One day you are on top of the world, the next day you feel like crap. Up and down up and down....I'm getting nauseous.

Tuesday I felt ill and discouraged and spent most of the day resting and getting over a headache. Wednesday I felt on top of the world, having rocked out two auditions in a row, booked a film audition off a submission, and still had enough energy to go to a friend's house and practice. Today, motivated by the success of the day before, I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn (or ACOD) to sign up for one of the most attended auditions of the year. Actually got one of the last appointments available (lucky me), raced to another studio, and booked a second audition. Something shifted between the morning and afternoon, because I totally bombed my first audition today.

I couldn't focus, my voice wasn't working, I didn't feel right in my body. It was the first time I've ever wanted to stop singing, because I was embarrassed before the appointment was even over. I wanted to stop singing and say, "Thanks, but no thanks. Its not working today," and run out of the room. Of course my 16 bars felt like the looooongest 16 bars I've ever sung.

I snapped myself out of it and got it together for my second audition. I was more focused and the song was more like how I wanted it to be, how I had practiced it to be; but still it was a little wonky. Is this just "first audition using a new song" blues? I felt it a personal victory to have done the second audition better than the first. At least I proved to myself that I could do it; although I know my audition wasn't strong enough to warrant a call back. I wouldn't call myself back.

I trudged to my third audition of the day, for the independent film that had called me the day before. Exhausted and pissed at myself, I was ready for the day to be over. I get in the room and meet many lovely people, only to find that I have conflicts with their shoot dates. I don't even read the sides, but leave them with my headshot and a smile, and a hope of a future project.

On my way home I instinctively stopped at Rite Aid for some dark chocolate and a beer. My feet just took me there without thinking about it.

This week has been nuts. Five auditions...and did I mention that I also had some boy issues at the top of the week? My brain is like an emotional battle field. Its like my feelings were in a snow globe and some outside force gave it a good shake. Now all the tiny snow flakes are settling down, floating piece by piece.

Two more auditions (for a total of seven. SEVEN!) tomorrow, and then the blissful weekend. Hopefully I can get my mind to stop racing and take a break from constant job searching.

When In Doubt....

2012-01-31T14:05:00.000-05:00

When in doubt, show up early.

Like, really early.

Like, two hours early.

Today's audition was for a regional summer stock theater in California and I had grossly underestimated the number of actors who wanted to work there. I've never seen an equity audition quite like this, with so many folks wanting appointments that the line circled three times and then went out in the hallway, to the room next door.

I had an alternate number, thinking I'd have enough time to go to the gym, grab lunch, and come back. What are the chances that 20 people who woke up super early to get their appointments would decide they weren't interested and not show?

Highly likely, as it turns out. My number was called in the first hour, and of course, I was not there.

Second lesson learned: When in doubt, wait. Park your butt down and wait.

Thankfully they are having a second day of auditions tomorrow, and I will get there super early so I can have an appointment, and be there for it.

PS: An amazing tool for battling audition blues is to watch Tony acceptance speeches on you tube. This is my favorite one of all time.

PPS: Any readers out there have a diva/rolling suitcase that they take on auditions? Any recommendations?

So Many Princesses

2012-01-30T19:29:00.003-05:00

Today was my seventh or eighth audition for Disney. I've auditioned for the parks, the cruises, the international parks.....and out of all those auditions, I've only been called back once. Its very frustrating because you think you fit well for a role, and whatever outside circumstances disqualifies you. Maybe my voice wasn't the right fit. Maybe I am an inch too short. Maybe I am an inch too tall. Maybe I look too multi-ethnic, but not ethnic enough to fit the newer princess roles.

Its very frustrating. The thing about these auditions is that a lot of people show up, often traveling several hundred miles to get there. I know I did in the beginning; I've traveled to Boston and Orlando, and taken several bus trips to New York for those open calls. I'd estimate I've spent 24 hours of my life auditioning at various open calls for Disney.

And after all of that, I think that I am not the correct type for their positions. I have several friends and acquaintances that have worked at the parks and on the cruises. I've often wondered, "Why them and not me?" but I think that it just wasn't meant to be.

When you go to an open call, there are no equity audition rules, although the Disney contracts are equity. This means that equity members *do not* get to go first or make an appointment, and auditions are done on a first come, first serve basis. As many equity members as there are in the city, there are twice as many non-equity members, vying for the same jobs. I had a nice reminder or what it's like to be non-equity in New York City. I found myself getting oddly nervous right before going into the room. There's all this weight of the last three hours of your life spent waiting, and that you want to make the best of your audition, otherwise the day is wasted. I am not very good at waiting. This, I need to improve.

Vegan Feast!

2012-01-27T20:53:00.001-05:00

Last night I saw a great documentary, Vegucated, on the benefits of going vegan. The documentary follows three New Yorkers on their journey to go vegan over six weeks.

Inspired by the movie, I took out my weekday stress in my kitchen; whipping up a vegan feast!

I found myself temping in an office today. As soon as I start to feel discouraged about my performing career, there is nothing quite like sitting in front of a computer for 9 hours to make you appreciate your life as an artist!

I ravenously tore through the cabinets, and ended up with a red bean/veggie burger creation. Whipping out my one true love, my food processor, I dumped my leftover onions, peppers, and beans and gave it a whirl. After pan-frying the bean patties, I smothered them in soy cheese and sauteed swiss chard, ontop of crusty, multi-grain bread.

Oh, wait, it's not over yet:

Banana bread! Again, just using leftover bananas and flour, plus some mix-ins like apples, raisins, and chocolate chips, I have an entirely vegan cake at my disposal.

I inherited stress baking/cooking from my mother. Now that I've exhausted all my energy in the kitchen, I'm too sleepy to go out tonight :) Just a much-needed night in with my book.

Double Grrzzz

2012-01-26T07:49:00.000-05:00

Fact: living and auditioning in NYC is really, freaking hard. Fun, but exhausting.

This is my first time going full-hog, attending every audition I can, and treating it like a full time job. The problem is that although it takes up all of my energy, planning, preparing, and going to the auditions, I'm not getting paid. #grrr

I may even be putting more than 40 hrs a week towards this full-time auditioning thing, and I see other girls doing it, too; but how the heck do they find a job that is flexible enough to let them audition around their jobs? Since I don't want to work evenings, I feel forced to choose between working or auditioning. I don't want to quell my chances of auditioning and eventual artistic employment because my temp position is 9-5.

Yesterday I had an alternate number for a popular, off-broadway audition. I missed them calling my name by about 10 minutes. I went back to the end of the alternate line, but sadly they didn't get to me before the end of the day. At least I got free tickets to see an off-Broadway play, which made the day feel fruitful.

This morning I'm hauling my tired butt out early to sign up for an appointment later today. Then I'll swing back to my hood, go to the gym, prepare and get ready for this afternoon's audition. I have a trial voice lesson with a teacher this afternoon, followed by a free movie screening that I'm really excited about.

The weekend is just one day away...

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut

2012-01-24T15:13:00.000-05:00

....and sometimes you don't.

I got overwhelmed today. I showed up at a chorus call, knowing full well that it would be crowded, and a long wait. I got my number, sat down in the sweltering room, knowing that I'd have a two + hour wait until I'd get seen. Looking around the room, suddenly my clothes seemed inadequate. I was wrinkled, and sweating. I was wearing clothes that were too dark and heavy, and when I looked around, the other girls were beautiful and in light dresses. I saw my reflection in the mirror. My makeup was too harsh, my hair too messy, my curves just a little too curvy. New York girls are all so skinny, and I felt like behemoth amidst all of these perfectly primed ladies.

The room started to feel a little too small, perched there among 200 girls with my feet aching from the uncomfortable heels I wore. It felt like the walls were closing in, and the volume of chattering girls, like birds, was all too much.

I left.

I figured if I wasn't feeling right, I wouldn't do my best. It wouldn't get me closer to that job. Let one of the other girs who wants it more than I do today have my 16 bar slot.

I can't really explain what happened. The past week I've been home, its been full speed ahead. Today I just couldn't do it.

Being an actor in New York is anything but glamourous. Its mostly smoke and mirrors, in the form of a heavy backpack stuffed with makeup and clothing.

Today I needed a mental-health-break. Tomorrow I will try again.

Because all I can do is try.

Chorus Call Chaos

2012-01-20T13:27:00.001-05:00

Another day, another audition. I have this new motto (that I've actually scrawled out on an index card and tacked on my wall): "Try harder. All you can do is try."

So in the spirit of trying harder, I'm trying to attend every open call I can that has a part reasonably within my limits.

Today's chorus call was for the Broadway revival of an old chestnut, which was actually the first musical I was ever apart of (Hint: Starts with an A and rhymes with fanny).

There were over 450 girls on the pre-sign up sheet; they had maxed out all their potential appointments, not to mention at least twenty equity members not on the list and an entire gaggle of EMCs. To cut down the number of auditionees, since so many of us actually showed, they "typed"us.

They line the girls up and parade them into the audition room in groups of twenty. As you stand there, merely presenting what you look like, they sort through the stack of headshots and decide who'd they like to see audition, based on their "type" or look.

I arrived at the audition about ten minutes early to hear the monitor announce that they were indeed typing. Of course no one wants to go on the subway and walk around freezing cold Manhattan in their cocktail dresses, so as soon as they made the announcement, it was a mad flurry of 400 girls getting dressed. Every corner of the bathroom, hallway, waiting room was strewn with coats, heels, curling irons, makeup....you get the picture.

I managed to get dressed, makeup'd, and comb my hair within ten minutes. It was a miracle.

I slapped my lipstick on just in time to join the type-casting parade.

They didn't want to see me; thus I was "typed-out."

On one hand, this is a frustrating process because its entirely out of your hands. Its based solely on your appearance and if that matches up with their imagined look for the production. On the other hand, it keeps everyone from wasting their time, if their look isn't compatible with the production.

This is my second experience with getting typed for a Broadway Production contract. New lesson learned today: Get ready at home before you turn up for a Broadway Chorus Call.

At first I felt a little disappointed that I didn't even get seen. I lugged a heavy bag into the city, I woke up early, I commuted in mid-town. Then I went back to my mantra: all I can do is try. I tried today, and so my work is done.

Why Aren't People Showing Up?

2012-01-19T12:52:00.000-05:00

I've been back in the city for less than a week and have noticed a few auditioning trends:

Upwards of 350 people sign up for Chorus Calls and only 50 show up. Even at the Principle Auditions that I attended for the agency call, 30 folks on the alternate list didn't show.

It seems like every unemployed actor in the city signs up for these auditions "just in case," and only a fraction of them show up. Some people have their friends sign them up. I heard the name of a girl I know from Maryland have her name called. She is currently in a show and it would be virtually impossible for her to show up to this audition.

A bit about equity chorus call procedures; they post the list in the general office a week in advance, giving you the opportunity to sign up for an audition. Unlike the Principle Auditions, these are first come first seen, and as many as 400 folks can sign up their name. On the day of the audition, the monitor calls the names of the people on the list, in the order that they signed up. If you are not present when they call your name, you have to go to the end of the list.

I went to a regional theater's chorus call yesterday, and I was number 292 on the list. I was number 40 to get seen, so I was essentially seen within the hour. This is great for me, but where are all these other 250 women who wanted to save a spot at this audition? They could be at work, or at other appointments, but I think its more likely they wanted to sleep in.

I've also been submitting for auditions via email, and for the first time, I've been granted appointments. I'm excited to have my first pre-screened audition appointment this week, and see how the audition experience compares to an open call.

Rookie Mistakes and Beginner's Luck

2012-01-18T09:41:00.004-05:00

Several times a year, Actor's Equity arranges auditions in order to help members find agency representation. You sing/or monologue for three agency representatives in the room, in the hopes of finding one who is interested in working with you. Obviously these auditions are coveted by actors in the city, and competition is fierce. There were only 50 appointments available. There are a lot more than 50 non-represented actors in New York City.

Sign up for appointments is at 8:30am, but many people wait outside the building as early at 6am. My last experience with this audition, I did the super-early-wait-outside-on-the-pavement-for-two-hours thing. A friend rolled in after 8am and had the same appointment group as me, without the painful early-morning wait.

This time I decided to take a page from his book, and come in a little later. I thought that for sure I'd get an appointment, because it was cold and rainy and who wants to wait outside in that kind of weather?

Wrong!

I was the very last person in line and was assigned a number high on the alternate list. In order to be seen from the alternate list, someone with an appointment must miss their time, and all of the people ahead of me on the alternate list must be seen.

I was feeling a little discouraged, but happened to be in the neighborhood at the time of the audition. A friend suggested I check in and see how I felt from there; whether or not I'd stick around in hopes of them calling my number.

In a stroke of luck, the 1 train was severely delayed, causing over thirty people to miss their audition appointments. Over 30 of the alternates also did not show. I had a thirty minute wait and was seen right away.

I felt good about my audition, and mostly, felt extremely lucky!

PS: I had forgotten how much walking you can do in just one day in New York City. Add onto that my heavy audition bag; my body is so sore today.

Bookends

2012-01-15T13:56:00.002-05:00

Right now I'm en route to my home in New York City. I felt an odd sense of anxiety and apprehension about my trip today; I woke up with butterflies in my stomach. It's been four wonderful and challenging months of travel; what will it be like to go back to a more regular schedule? Also, how will I manage to unpack everything I had packed up and squirreled away before I left my apartment?

The past week has been important in several ways. I not only needed a physical break from the show (my energy levels were pretty low from doing so many shows in such a short period of time), but I finally had time to catch up with friends and loved ones who live in my former home city. I had forgotten how many connections I have there, and reconnecting with so many folks has warmed my heart. Even though I don't live in Washington anymore, my relationships there continue to grow.

I have this theory that the older you get, the faster you perceive time to pass. For example, when I was in school, an entire grade, which is only 9 months, felt like an eternity. Even in college, the prospect of graduation on the horizon of four years seemed impossibly far away.

The last four months have flown by in the blink of an eye. I remember packing up my car and saying goodbye to my apartment on a sunny afternoon in September, and now I'm headed back to where I left off.

Come March, I will celebrate my one-year anniversary with New York City. I don't seem to notice my own aging process as much as I see it reflected in others. How is it possible that my little brother has his own apartment and a full-time job, and how can my friends made in the 8th grade be turning the bend into their late-20s?

I've got these little wrinkles under my eyes that no amount of lotion or makeup seem to erase. My first wrinkles. While this may seem absurd and obvious, its a little bit of a shock to me. Time is passing. My face shows it.

Although the show has been over for a week, the heavy page of that chapter hasn't turned until today. The bookends of leaving/coming home to New York City help me put it into perspective.

Goodbye Truck and Van, I hope to see you again sometime.

And I'm okay with cashing in the open road in for a faster-paced, yet more predictable life. My wander-lust is temporarily satiated, and I can't wait to return to my happy street in Queens.

Closing and Opening

2012-01-14T09:02:00.002-05:00

The crazy bunch of peeps who have become my traveling family. Yes, that's a giant bra.

One of the most essential elements of a career in the arts is being able to effectively handle transitions. Frequent transitions.

You don't hold any one job for more than a few months. Your life is constantly churning new projects, scenery, cities, homes, friends, coworkers, and characters in and out of rotation.

I'm excited by potential and unseen opportunities, although it has been wonderful to stop the cycle on one project for four months and not worry about auditioning, money, and all the responsibilities of paying rent and living a "regular" life. Instead of all that adult stuff, I've been playing onstage (my favorite).

The tour I was just a part of has come to its natural end. While I have an exciting project to look forward to later in 2012, I am looking at seven weeks of potential non-artistic employment. I've been spoiled rotten these last few months, waking up every morning to a show and coworkers that I adore. Now re-starts the daily grind of preparing for auditions, actual auditioning, and then waiting for phone calls.

While I'm sad to see the last chapter of my life close, I think its prepared me for the next chapter. I'm refreshed and and re-energized, ready to go out in the storm of NYC auditions. Audition season starts now!

A Day in the Life

2012-01-05T20:20:00.002-05:00

I thought I'd share with you one of my favorite parts of the show - getting ready!

In the picture above you'll see my makeup station, with my essentials numbered with a bubble next to them.

(1) My makeup bag. I use mostly Mac products because of their long-lasting nature, and they don't clog my pores. My makeup is light enough for this show that I'll usually wear it for the rest of the day.

(2) Makeup brushes, deodorant, and hairspray.

(3) An "I <3 NYC" snow globe that my friend Shannon gave me as a going away gift for tour, to remind me to come back to my new home!

(4) Mic tape. The mic is a small, flesh covered piece of wire that loops around my left ear and lands a few inches from my mouth. I pin it in place with some clear surgical tape to keep it in the best acoustical place on my jaw.

(5) My weave(s). My hair for this show is in a 60's style headband-pouf with a curly bun. I pin the sock-like "rat-pieces" under my hair, and then pull the remaining pieces over and secure with a bobby pin, to create the bump look without teasing my hair. I pull the leftover hair into a bun and place a curly piece around it for polish. It gives me at least 2 inches to help me look more "Mom-like" against my co-worker, Tia, who plays my toddler. We are about the same height, pre-hair and pre-four-inch-wedges.

(6) One of my favorite parts of my station - note cards and mementos from my coworkers. For Christmas, Tia took some fan artwork and placed it on magnets. I can't wait to put these on my fridge at home.

(7) Sudoku to play during breaks and down time. My goal is to finish the book by the end of the run.

(8) Water and a snack to keep me going between shows.

(9) Toilet paper for last minute lipstick blotting and touch ups.

(10) A piece of artwork given to me by a little girl named Bridget from our last stop in New Jersey. This helps me remember that the show is all about spreading joy to the little ones.

Hope you enjoyed my dressing room tour!

*True Story: Yesterday during the show, after the opening number, I realized that I didn't have the curly hair piece on. I thought my weave fell off on stage. It looks a bit like roadkill when it is out of context and on the floor, which could potentially be horrifying/hilarious to children. In actuality, I forgot to put it on, but I did have great pleasure in telling my coworkers, "My weave fell off!"*

Happy New Years

2011-12-30T20:11:00.006-05:00

In the interest of self-reflection and growth, I've been thinking back on 2011.

A lot has happened, although at each step along the way, it didn't seem like much. I think the experiences of 2011 are helping me to prepare for upcoming adventures. I am much happier and more secure with who I am as an adult and a performer than I was a year ago. I feel lighter, and with a broader perspective. For that, I am thankful.

In 2011, I moved three times. From my bed bugged-apartment in MD, to my four month sublet in New York, to a more long-term New York apartment. I not only lived in two major metropolitan areas, I went on tour again, to 16 states in three months. I performed my first opera. I made a handful of new friends, some of whom stuck, and others that turned out to only be temporary. I had the privilege of working with amazing people who became my road-family. I worked for six different employers. I started my own web-design business. I re-designed my own website three times. I got new headshots. I wrote 50,000 words during National Novel Writing Month. I had a summer romance. I learned to loosen up and have fun. I learned to discipline myself to achieve small goals.

I'm starting my New Years Eve with two afternoon shows. Usually I loathe New Years, because it is the type of holiday where you feel that you have to go out and do something because the whole world is celebrating, but ironically, none of your friends commit to plans until 4pm that night. This New Years is quite the opposite - I have a fancy party to go to with new friends, and a more laid back party with my old besties. Plus, I've got a super cute outfit and I'm looking forward to some great plans in 2012, so why shouldn't I be excited? 2012 is my year, ya'll....

Once a Ham, Always a Ham

2011-12-27T10:06:00.000-05:00

I hope you had a restful holiday weekend! Most of my time was spent singing in church; I'm talking a four-plus-hour-singing-extravaganza that had my legs and arms sore the next morning. Thats right, I'm a hardcore choir singer.

My family has started to digitize our old family movies. What I discovered in the process is that I was just a big of a ham at age two as I am today. We found video after video of me singing and dancing for the family. The earliest footage of me performing for family was before I was even speaking. As I got older, one of my favorite games was to set up the home camera, and make music videos by puppeteering my stuffed animals and making them "sing" while I hid underneath the table. I made up commercials and even a family news show, featuring my younger brother as the news anchor. Anytime my father was taking a home video, I made sure to pop up in front of the camera.

Seems like the signs were there pretty early.

Post-Collegiate Update

2011-12-22T09:38:00.001-05:00

As I was driving into work this morning, I realized....

It's been three years since I graduated from college.

In those three years, I've traveled to 44 states, moved twice, did my first opera, and got my equity card. In retrospect, I've done a lot of things, but in the moment I felt like I was falling behind my peers.

Why wasn't I booking a cruise ship? Why couldn't I seem to book a Disney job? Why wasn't I getting leading roles?

Right after I graduated, I expected full-blown success, and was very impatient for it.

Nothing is handed to you, and success is not only relative, but a slow building process. I still don't feel like I'm "where I want to be," but considering I had close to zero idea of how to build a career fresh out of school, I think I'm doing okay.

The hardest thing for me to accept is that I can't compare my journey to the journey of others. I'd get so upset, thinking that other people were "pulling ahead" of me, doing more shows, or getting the roles that I wanted, but I have to let it go. This is something I'm still working on, but its becoming easier.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that your life doesn't bloom the moment you graduate from college. It takes time to build networks, skills, and confidence. If you aren't where you want to be, take a look backward and look at where you've come before you feel bad about your current status.

People aren't "discovered" overnight, and Rome wasn't built in a day.

Many of the consistently working actors I know are at least five years older than me. Here's to the continuing journey...

18 in 7

2011-12-21T10:07:00.000-05:00

Our final week of tour was spent in New Jersey. We had almost a full week off in Newark, NJ, which felt like a very odd vacation. There isn't much to do there except fly out of town or go to the mall, so I caught up on my rest and my TV shows.

By the time the van pulled into DC, everyone was ready to be home. Don't get me wrong; touring is exciting, variable, and full of adventure, but you start to crave regularity. I've been home for a week now, and the novelty of putting things away hasn't worn off yet.

After a quick day off, we were back in technical rehearsals to prepare for our "in-house" run. We are ending the tour with a full three weeks stationed in the KC Family Theater. Because our crew is continuing to tour with the next production going out, we rehearsed with a new crew so they could prepare for our run.

The shows have been non-stop and sold out. In seven days, we will have done 18 shows (including rehearsal run throughs). Our busiest week on the road may have been 8 shows, so having an 18 show week has me pretty wiped.

I'm tired, but satisfied. Its great to have a touch more regularity to my life (sleeping in the same bed each night, not having to pack up my suitcase every few days), but still have shows to do.

Yule Dog.

2011-12-19T23:20:00.001-05:00

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This Yule Dog (get it! Like a Yule Log, but only with a dog....ok....ahem....) is here to let you know that I have not fallen off the face of the blogosphere.

I got home from tour 5 days ago and have been busy every single day. The Christmas Season is upon me, with 16 shows a week, a Christmas Eve gig, and the traditional holiday sinus infection.

Stay tuned for a fully fleshed out recap on tour, moving to an "in-house" production, and all things merry and bright.

What I learned from NaNoWriMo

2011-12-12T10:25:00.000-05:00

Please notice the new badge on the upper right hand corner of my blog. ---------->

That's right, I am a *winner* of the National Writing Month Challenge (also known as NaNoWriMo). Winning means that you have written 50,000 words in 30 days. I am happy I did this, although my final product is something that I may never show to anyone. I wrote it for myself.

When I started with my daily goal of 1,667 words per day, I didn't think it was possible. I said to my friends, "I'll probably stick to it for a week and get bored of it," which is my typical m.o. I thought about quitting around week 3, but I didn't. Somehow, I pushed through it and accomplished my goal, piece by piece, 1,667 words a day.

Reaching that finish line of 50,000 words, a whole day early, brought me a sense of peace. I couldn't believe I had just written 200 pages of my own words, in my personal voice.

I tend to make large goals like "Be on Broadway!" and "Get skinny for summer!" but have never been able to stick to small, short term goals. It was a lesson in self discipline. In order to accomplish anything at all, you have to build a little bit every day. Progress seems slow and small when you zoom in, but the big picture shows you how you've grown.

I plan on resting my "novel" for a bit, and revisiting it and editing it in the near future. I have always wanted to write a novel, but have never had the verve to actually start it. Even if the novel never goes anywhere, I can say that I made a goal and accomplished it.