Drowned by Kappa

kyushu rambling

2011-04-22T13:36:00.001+09:00

beppu, kyushu

wandered into the coolest bar ever.
ended up making some good friends and music

what more could you want?

the owner

yes that is a real shirt

yes this is a real shop

and yes, the name of the shop is "Candy Stripper"

in the cluuub

Kochiquest: Abandoned Places and Beautiful Spaces

2011-02-01T18:33:00.000+09:00

kochi city

one of my students running hurdles at the annual sports day

sports day tug o' war

view of Ino plus Kochi City and the sea in the distance

mark hangin' in the high grass

ben in awe of the abandoned secret monkey lotus flower temple

statue within a statue

from inside the "undead" hotel on the way to Muroto

blaine peers out

view from the rooftop

muroto geopark

inside the long abandoned muroto sky rest structure

california: the final frontier

2011-02-01T17:53:00.000+09:00

No sooner was I back in California than I found myself climbing high into the welcoming arms of an enourmous redwood tree...

...tree hugger

clear lake

colin admiring the catch of the day... good thing it wasn't a fish

...for we know clear lake's dirty secret

Wild life. Artscapes. Fire flowers.

2010-08-26T16:10:00.002+09:00

Lachlegend: king of the dead and forgotten...
I heard he'd eat his chopsticks after every meal

pen drawing

octopus pots

wall of abandoned island house

tosashimizu fireworks

Spiritual Travel: Yakushima and Southern Kyushu

2010-05-27T14:14:00.152+09:00

This story really begins about 4 or 5 years ago, when I first learned about an island off of the southern coast of Kyushu called Yakushima. I heard stories of epic, almost prehistoric landscapes, enormous waterfalls carved into vast slabs of granite, gnarled trees thousands of years old, and the tallest mountains in all of Kyushu. I later found out that the forests of Yakushima were the inspiration for the location in my favorite Miyazaki Hayao film, Mononoke Hime (Princess Mononoke) and also that most of the island is a protected UNESCO World Natural Heritage site (which implies supreme awesomeness). As soon as I saw pictures of this place, it was a done deal:
Yakushima was now on the the no-question-must-see-list.

satalite map of Japan with Yakushima marked

Fast forward 5 years (and two separate occasions of attempted and subsequently botched plans to visit this place) and I am invited to join a group headed for Yakushima during golden week, which is actually a conveniently placed string of 3 holidays (that can be wangled into a full week if you're crafty). Needless to say I was out of my brain excited.

mia modeling the found hat sporting the

phrase that came to epitomize our trip

We took the night bus from Kochi City to Fukuoka and then Kagoshima, where we would eventually catch the ferry for Yakushima. No sooner had we we stepped off the bus than we were greeted by Kagoshima's most excitable geologic formation, Sakurajima, doing a bit of exploding.

We were quite surprised to arrive to the sight of Sakurajima spewing a cloud of grey ash into the sky, and were even more surprised to find out that this is totally normal. As in multiple times a day. Whoa, nice place for a city, Kagoshima...

the trailhead of our three day trek up and over the top of Yakushima

Matt and one of the first big "Yakusugi",
the island's own species of giant cedar.
as yakushima is the wettest place in Japan,
many of these trees grow to enormous sizes

Matt's boots

inside an enormous stump...
when it was cut down in 1586 to provide wood
for a temple in Kyoto (Hōkō-ji), this tree was about 3,000 years old
now, at chest level the inside hollow is about 4 meters across

slowly climbing towards the summit

this is the Jomon Sugi,
the oldest and largest of the living Yakusugi
it stands about 80 ft tall and has a volume of approx. 10,000 cubic ft
its age is highly disputed, different people have estimated
anywhere from 2,000 to 7,000 years of age

our first view of the summit in the distance...

following the path winding us closer to the top

Miyanoura-dake summit panorama

happy people;

highest point in Kyushu

Mia and me at ze top

and then down the other side

Mia looking back toward the summit

slacklining...
the Yakushima drop-knee river dip

With our hike complete we decided to rent a car and do a day trip around the island to see what we could see...

lotsa deer... everywhere

We were all having second thoughts when it was time to board the ferry and actually leave this magical place. Somehow we ended up on the ferry headed back to mainland Kyushu. We got off the ferry and headed out looking for a campsite relatively close to our next objective, Kaimondake.

morning view of Kaimondake from our beach campspot

Matt being one with the summit of Kaimondake

Shiba levitating over the summit of kaimondake

southern kyushu glorylands

We happened upon an old, abandoned restaurant. It was cool. And sorta creepy.

complete with falling in ceiling and dirty manga

the office

looking south from the end of Kyushu

Truly a fantastic trip to some of the most amazing places I've ever been... many thanks to Matt, Mia, and Shiba for inviting me and making the trip so wild and awesome.

born of the streets

2010-03-09T11:56:00.002+09:00

from my apartment

Adventures in Cat Sitting

2010-03-09T11:31:00.004+09:00

meet Karu, my roommate during winter break

(he's Japanese, so he knows how to survive the bitter cold sans central heating)

karu can look quite cute...

but know that he is a coldhearted killer underneath

and although you can't actually stay in bed all day,
know that while you are toiling away, hard at work,

there is a cat in your apartment living the dream

Washi: The Ancient Art of Japanese Paper

2010-03-08T16:36:00.004+09:00

I was lucky enough to be invited to make the trip to nearby Ino town to meet Mia's paper making sensei and learn about the process of making traditional Japanese paper. Here are some photos giving a small glimpse into a long and fascinating process.
(credit for those photos marked with *MRB* goes to Ms. Mia Reiko Braverman)

examining the pulp

It must be understood that this is nowhere near the beginning of the process. This pulp came from kozo (paper mulberry) grown locally in Ino town. The branches are harvested, boiled, stripped of their bark, and dried before being boiled again with lye (to remove the starch, fat, and tannin) and bleached using chemicals or the traditional method of simply leaving the fibers in a secure eddy of a stream. After bleaching, impurities are picked out, and the fibers are beaten into a pulp (quite literally). Only after all this do you get that lovely mashed-potato-looking clumpy stuff you see in the photo above.

Then a special, vaguely snot like glue-type agent called neri is mixed in with the pulp using a big 'ol broomstick sort of thing. I watched Mia doing this and she explained that the way to know if you are mixing right is all based on the sound that you make slopping this semi-viscous pulpy liquid about with that stick. I heard a glooshing sort of sound coming from the vat each time she whipped the handle away from her, and I have to admit, was a bit impressed.

I tried my hand at the pulp stirring, and although I did get a bit of sound to come out of the vat, lets just say the amount of pulp that ended up on my shoes was more impressive than the vague glopping sound issuing from the vat.

Mia beckoned to Hamada sensei to come over and take the handle to really show me what pulpslopping should sound like. Hamada sensei took the stick and began to mix the pulp with the practiced movement of a true master. The explosion of movement in one direction followed by a measured return to the starting position was closer to that of a martial arts strike than a bucket stir, and the sound that came from the stick as it cut a perfect curl of pulpslop was startlingly crisp, much more like a loud wet slap than my sad sloshy glooping.

Once you have your pulp all mixed, you bust out the tray (called a suketa) used to actually make a sheet of paper. You scoop up some pulp (just the right amount, lest your sheet be too thick or too thin) and move it in a left-right and front-back motion (to interlock the fibers... to make your paper strong) before flipping the excess off the end of the suketa.

Mia executing a very nice curl

I had a go as well... this is the part where you transfer the paper from the fine bamboo mat of the suketa to the growing pile of paper

*MRB*

Mia's wet product from two days work

*MRB*

the paper is pressed using ancient Japanese technology...
ye olde bucket o' water

*MRB*

Hamada sensei's son... who is already tearing it up in the paper world

(please excuse the pun)

*MRB*

portrait of Hamada sensei
the playboy of paper himself
*MRB*

Many thanks to Mia Reiko for inviting me along and for the use of her photos in this post.

January in Kochi

2010-01-25T09:48:00.002+09:00

起きるとき
息吹が見える
冬の朝

On waking
breath can be seen
winter morning

光夢 - Hikariyume

2009-12-22T09:51:00.000+09:00

Thought I'd post the film Gary and I made for the Chobitto JAPAN! Film Festival at the beginning of December. The theme for the festival was "the Japan you find in Kochi", and this was our entry. The entire thing was shot in stop motion with a digital SLR. Hope you enjoy.

Way out West

2009-12-21T15:59:00.001+09:00

"I must go back to the sea again, the lonely sea and the sky,
I left my shoes and socks there, I wonder if they're dry." -Spike Milligan

derelict swimming pool

currica perched high on the rocks

tatami tiptoe

mia and uke

Kochi Kita Koko Bunkasai

2009-12-21T15:30:00.001+09:00

Just a few shots from my schools bunkasai (culture festival).

One of the games at the bunkasai involves throwing snacks and candy out of windows to a waiting crowd. I forget what the name of this is, but I think it translates to "let's watch polite people go balls wild over airborne snacks."

game on

pandemonium.

(note crawling lady in bucket hat)

priceless. this kid looks just about as confused about the whole thing as I was.

Weekend Excursion to Hiroshima and Miyajima

2009-12-21T09:53:00.008+09:00

Hiroshima Prefectural Commercial Exhibition - Built 1915

August 6, 1945 - The skeleton of this building was one of the few structures left standing after the atomic bomb was detonated within about 600 meters of the dome. The Genbaku Domu (or Atomic Dome) has been preserved as a war memorial and is now recognized as a UNESCO World Heritage site.

Genbaku Dome and the Hiroshima of today

Miyajima (shrine island) from the ferry

かわいすぎる (excessively cute)

man ponders the city from afar

Daily life in Kochi: beauty, strangety, and a healthy dose of Engrish

2009-11-02T16:36:00.001+09:00

my bicycle posing in front of the Awa coast on our first mini-tour

the finals of a breakdance competition in Obiyamachi

I considered getting this hat to wear to class,

but thought it would be inappropriate on a number of levels

I have always wanted to be part of a professional dance cream

If you find yourself discussing this with the trash can, you may already be lost

yo dawg, rappers these days,

they straight cheesy

that's a lot to hear from an instrument of dental hygiene that came from a vending machine

"Kasugai Peas & You"

Also the title of a popular self-help book about kasugai pea addiction

a cryptic letter?

maybe my favorite thus far.

can't you just envision someone descending from high above when he's at his lowest point,

tossing him this bag and heartily reciting these inspiring words?

Ashtray Wisdom: Courtesy of Big Tobacco

2009-11-02T14:56:00.003+09:00

There are standing ashtrays all over the city, all with various pictures and slogans, but all regarding what to do and what not to do when smoking. Interestingly, these are all made by one of the biggest tobacco corporations in Japan... good advertising I guess? Well they sure got my attention.

These are some of my favorites.

this one wishes it was a haiku

and this one wishes it was a Buddhist koan

message: give your cigarettes the love they deserve. and uh... buy more

did the weathervane alert the fire department?

damn. i gotta get me one of those

Anti-social? Blame your antigens: Truth and Pseudoscience in Japan

2009-10-07T01:10:00.000+09:00

     My good friend David once asked me, “What is the point of truth if the lie is better?” At the time I fell silent, pondering the inherent value of truth that I knew existed somehow, but that I could not articulate. Most societies view truth and falsehood as a mutually exclusive dichotomy, in the presence of one, the other surely seems impossible.
     Japan never ceases to fascinate me. It is a country that somehow manages a beautiful and delicate fusion of truth and fantasy, modernity and history, science and myth. There are many things that I run into that totally lack any scientific grounding, but are believed because, why not? They seem right and feel good. For instance, my host dad, when I studied in Sapporo, explained that you drink hot tea with your sushi and eat pickled ginger afterward because the heat and strong flavor will protect you from getting sick from any impurity in the fish (sure, that feels about right). A couple weeks ago, I was told by one of the teachers at school to eat some tempura before I was to record a listening tape for the students’ English exam so my voice would be crisp in the recording (sounds about right). I also heard from someone that women who are breastfeeding should not eat mochi (rice that has been cooked, mashed up, and formed into hard blocks which then become extraordinarily viscous when heated) or drink cold milk because mochi is sticky and inhibits the flow of breast milk, and cold milk is cold. And babies don’t like cold milk (duhhh).
     When I met Mr. Nakamura, the oldest (and now my favorite) of the JTEs (Japanese Teachers of English) that I teach with, he asked me three things about myself right off the bat: my hometown, my age, and my blood type. He was visibly shocked when I explained that I didn’t know my blood type, so I also further explained that blood type was not typically exchanged information in the US, and I thought that most people I know at home probably don’t know their blood type either. I have had people in Japan ask me this question before; he was definitely not the first. Many Japanese people believe that blood type is an indicator of personality, and therefore asking someone’s blood type can be an ice breaker similar to asking someone’s astrological sign (except markedly less creepy and dated).
     Nakamura sensei’s surprise at me not knowing my blood type suddenly made me stop and think, “Wait, yeah. Why don’t I know my blood type?” Nakamura sensei, after knowing me for approximately 2 minutes, fielded a surprisingly confident guess that my blood was type A (to which I really couldn’t say anything either way to). I whipped out my California driver’s license and scanned it quickly, half expecting to find the desired knowledge, but to no avail. My eyes came to rest on my organ donor sticker, and soon I was imagining myself, a stretcher-bound bloodied mess, flying down the corridors of an ER somewhere, drifting in and out of consciousness with the doctor leaning over me begging, “for pete’s sake, just tell us your blood type!” I somehow manage to sputter,
“Nakamura sensei…seemed so sure… type A?…” And then the lights flicker and fade and I hear the doctor’s voice as if from the end of a long tunnel,
“Well shit… at least he’s an organ donor.”
     Although I don’t actually feel like I’m in tangible danger not knowing my blood type, it comes up a surprising amount in things like morning television shows and newspapers that have daily blood type based horoscopes, popular magazines and books pertaining to blood-based relationship compatibility, and the occasional person who will happily size up my personality and guess what kind of blood antigens I’m packin’.
     I had been asked before about my blood type a handful of times, almost all of the people who asked me were over 60, so I had thusly concluded that blood type as an indicator of personality was something believed these days only by the aged population of Japan. That was until I saw this, which shows that the majority of people in this survey do believe there is in fact a correlation between blood type and personality. The sample had a wide range of ages, making me reconsider the idea that this belief was perhaps dated or on its way out (and a grain of salt for those ultra-critical readers, the sample was just over 500 people. So if you don’t like that, umm well, get cracking on your own survey).
     Many are shocked to find that Japan’s apparently harmless blood-typing pseudoscience is an idea originally imported from Nazi Germany. The Nazis took the discovery of the ABO blood typing system and manipulated it to their ends, claiming very literally that they alone held the true blood line (Germans who are a higher proportion of type A and O, claimed blood superiority over Jewish Germans and others with a higher proportion of type B blood).
     In 1927, Takeji Furukawa published “The Study of Temperament Through Blood Type”, importing this idea of personality-based blood typing to Japan. Although his methods were entirely flawed and he lacked any reasonable credentials, Japan’s government took on this idea and within the framework of their expansionist policies and militarization of the time, began scientific testing with the hopes of breeding stronger soldiers. The popularity of these ideas dwindled in the late 1930’s as the government became increasingly aware that these ideas were totally bogus.
     Fast forward to the 1970’s; Masahiko Nomi, a man with no scientific or medical qualification publishes his book “Understanding Affinity and Blood Type”, which quickly becomes a best-seller and serves to spark a massive popular interest that still exists today. Nomi’s work has subsequently been relegated to the realm of pseudoscience by countless psychologists, but for some reason, many Japanese people have continued to believe in the proposed link between blood type and personality. In fact, I would argue that the popularity of his ideas has actually increased due to the public backlash from the scientific community. Four out of the top ten bestselling books in Japan for the last year were on the topic of blood type and personality.
     Some vehemently oppose the idea that blood types are indicators of personality for a number of different reasons. Some cite the racist links to Nazi Germany and Furukawa’s writings that claimed the rebellious Taiwanese attitude during Japan’s occupation was due to them having a higher proportion of people with type O blood (yup, sure, it was their blood types, not the military occupation). Others cite the fact that some employers still ask about blood type in their job applications or the fact that teasing based on blood type, or bura-hura (from “blood harassment”) exists in the schools of Japan today.
     So, is the correlation between blood type and personality a dangerous, potentially racist idea that openly ignores the truth, or is the issue not the lie itself, but rather how and why it’s used?

Mt. Ishizuchi

2009-09-28T20:17:00.003+09:00

Took a lovely sliver week trip to Ehime prefecture, the goal being the top of Ishizuchisan, the highest point in western Japan.

There are a number of points on the trail to the summit where you can decide between the chain route or the less intense course. We met an older man on the way up who we briefly asked about the climb and the chain sections. He had climbed the chains and said they were great; he further advised us to take them rather than than the makimichi or "loser's road". As if we needed any more encouragement than that.
They ranged in intensity from near vertical to a mild scramble, but all were awesome and well worth the fun and views they provided.

the summit

summit shrine

going for a highest point/silliest face in western japan combo face

Amateur Spelunking; Journey to the Highlands

2009-09-17T01:03:00.007+09:00

Shots from our mountain ramblings last saturday...

shrine at the entrance to the cave

descending into the cave by phonelight

onward, inward

underground stream

After realizing the road got pretty wet from here, we headed back out to the light of day... back out to cloudy yet blinding above-ground Kochi, but not before an ultra-dramatic, almost camera-breaking pitch dark underground mud-bail from yours truly. Fantastic. Came out grinning stupidly, covered in mud, gleeful that I'd managed to self sacrafice and get my body in between the earth and my camera once again (I've practiced this manuver on a number of unplanned occasions).

We jumped into the cars and headed for higher ground. As we climbed the winding road up to the top of Tengu Kogen, we found ourselves winding further up into the thick, cloudy white. Thinking we had picked the wrong day and that these clouds were bound to choke out our chance at a view of the highlands, we couldn't have been more surprised as the road continued up, shooting our car onward and upward, above the clouds and into the wide open. Glory be.

lisa, leeako, melissa, gary, michelle

Festival in Shimanto City

2009-09-15T19:01:00.001+09:00

Just a few quick shots from the festival in Shimanto City. The fireworks were totally amazing, these shots are from the few I took just before my camera battery died.

Tosa Tug 'O War

2009-09-14T17:11:00.009+09:00

When I was told that nearby Tosa town had an annual festival based around the classic, hernia-inducing act of competitive rope pulling, I struggled to remember the last time I had been involved in a good ‘ol fashioned match of tug o’ war. Answer: far too long. Plus, they were asking for volunteers for a gaijin team to compete in said festival. Question: where do I sign up?
After arriving, we donned colorful uniform shirts and were ushered to the pre-event drinking/eating party. Everyone knows you can pull on a rope hungry and sober, but that just wouldn’t be a Japanese festival now would it. We realized we were a little bit late as we were met by some members of one of the other teams who at this point appeared to be in no danger of being hungry or sober. They began pouring us beers and we were off in our race to catch up. During this time, I had a funny conversation with a decently sloshy and very friendly guy (whose name has been lost to the beer-soaked void) about Gov. Schwarzenegger, which mainly consisted of me attempting to explain California’s deficit in my limited Japanese, and him doing a series of Terminator impressions (more accurately, the same one multiple times).
A number of beers and countless delicious tidbits later, a hush fell over the entire room as we all began clapping as someone (evidently) very important entered the room. I whispered to my new compadre, wondering who this guy was, and he responded, “kochi ken no arunaruldo desu” (lit. the Arnold of kochi prefecture). He stood and made a toast to the festival, the town of Tosa, and the prefecture of Kochi, after which we drank and applauded furiously. He stepped down from the stage and began to mingle with those around, and next thing I new my new friend thrust a tall bottle of Asahi into my hand and began pushing me towards him, telling me I had to cheers with him. I… what… are you sure… I sputtered as my friend pushed me forward towards him, beer outstretched. I managed to get out a quick hello-my-name-is-george-from-california-very-nice-to-meet-you in about one breath before I defaulted and held up the beer in an offer he couldn’t refuse. Then I froze as I suddenly realized something; here I stood, dumbfounded, beer held aloft, attempting to pour a beer for the Governor of Kochi, a man who was currently holding no cup. Before I even had time to think, out flew my used cup, which he accepted without batting an eye, and somehow there I found myself, pouring this important Japanese government official a beer in soiled plastic ware. Another cup (I believe already used as well) came out of nowhere, and he filled up my new cup with a slight nod as I bobbed forward bowing, blabbering “domodomodomodomo”. Then a “kampai” and I was drinking beer out of dirty cups with the most important Japanese man I’ve ever met.

from my left: my super genki buddy, Gary, Gov. Ozaki Masanao

As for the tug o’ war, the gaijin team fought hard, yet got completely whipped in the first round, destroyed by the burly Japanese team that had just won the bus pull. I have to say we were a bit disappointed to lose so swiftly and severely, but it was awesome to compete at all, and I enjoyed the rest of the competition happily taking pictures.

After the most brutal, massive, testosterone-filled team of rope pullers had been decided, they busted out the mother rope. Now I don’t care if you’re a sailor, climber, or your daddy’s a flippin' rope-maker, you ‘aint ever seen a rope like this. It was about two and a half feet in diameter, and spanned the length of about three town blocks. Handmade, this beautifully woven, gargantuan affair of a rope was truly a work of art. Then began the preparation for the really big match, but not before the kiddies got some tuggin’ in. They make ‘em tough in Tosa, and I was amazed at the sight of oodles of children all tugging this gigantic rope, the smallest ones appearing to be in danger of being crushed if it came down.

The kids had their fun, now it was time for adult swim. People packed in all along the length of the rope and I think that the majority of the town was out there, and almost everyone who was able-bodied enough had hands on a twist of this serious piece of line. All manner of people extended out of my vision toward both ends of the rope, but clearly visible in the very center were the most hard-core of Tosa tuggers, shirtless and visibly intoxicated. As soon as the command was heard, cheers went up from the crowd as both sides strained while onlookers happily doused the wild, shirtless center tuggers with hoses and buckets of water as they slipped, grunted, and tugged their way back to their Tosa roots.

I tugged for the first two ultra-pull rounds and then jumped out and snapped these.

Yosakoi: Tradition at High Volume

2009-09-11T15:42:00.009+09:00

     Yosakoi is a Tosa-born dance festival that's been clacking, dancing, and sweating profusely in the streets of Kochi since 1954. More than 200 groups of 15-150 people dressed in exquisite costumes follow huge, decorated trucks loaded down with speakers on a course that takes them all through downtown Kochi. The rules for your dance are only that you a)use naruko (traditional wooden hand clackers, originally used to scare birds away from fields) and b)utilize at least part of the traditional Tosa "Yosakoi Naruko Dancing" song (usually as loud as your truck o' speakers will go and often severely remixed). This festival has grown in popularity and has now spread to many other parts of Japan, and now even brings Yosakoi teams from all over Japan to Kochi City, to boogie in the birthplace of the festival. The teams range from obaachan (grannies) in kimonos keeping the traditional flavor alive, to young hip hop dance teams, complete with dudes in afros and blackface (!?) getting down to tunes from saturday night fever.
     While sitting, watching the endless flow of dance teams thump past with my gaijin compatriots (namely Mark, Gary, and Nina), one guy at the end of a huge group turned, smiled right at me, and began spastically waving us on. “Is he serious?” I thought, realizing he was very serious as he danced over, thrust naruko into my hands and ushered the four of us into the back of the troop. Off we went, attempting to pick up the steps as we went along. We must have been a sight, four gaijin at the back of a 100 dancer team (not to mention the only ones not in costume), stumbling the dance half a beat late and sweatin’ it up with the best of ‘em. Luckily, the dance was more traditional and didn’t involve any wild running jump steps or sudden changes, and we did end up dancing through almost the entire length of Obiyamachi (the main covered street), so by about the 4th time through the dance or so, we actually had the dance pretty much together.
     I cannot say that I was quite prepared for the immediate relevance of my comment when Gary, not 20 minutes before we were drawn into the fray, noted how cool it would be to dance in Yosakoi, and I simply concurred, “Yea. That’d be awesome.”
     It was.

on kanji

2009-09-08T09:12:00.007+09:00

ESID (Every Situation Is Different), a comic archive from a past JET about living in Japan and the JET program

child of crow, child of herring

2009-09-07T15:40:00.008+09:00

Edo-period depiction of a kappa

Kappa are river dwelling creatures of Japanese folklore who have widely varying depictions and are featured in many stories from all over rural Japan. They are usually depicted as scaly or slimy mischievous green guys that live in the river, love cucumbers, and are prone to farting loudly, looking up women’s kimonos, and stealing swimming children. Now if you are lucky/unlucky enough to happen upon a kappa, remember that they have a water-filled indentation on the top of their head, which is the source of their power. Keep in mind also that kappa are known for always keeping promises and adhering to proper etiquette. So if you are facing off with a kappa, first try bowing as deeply as possible, because chances are, the kappa will return your bow with equivalent sincerity or more, potentially draining his head water and giving you a chance to book it. If that fails, and you happen to be fresh out of cucumbers, try to make him a deal or challenge him to a match of sumo (they love sumo), if you win, you’ll probably get something sweet out of the deal. (Word to the wise: Be wary of deals that involve free fish or rice for the rest of your life, because the kappa probably knows how long you have better than you do.)

Kappa have a long history of stealing children who swim in rivers, mainly because they know that all humans have two jewels embedded in their buttocks, which they just love to collect. It really all makes sense in light of this, kappa don’t drown kids out of hunger or spite, they just see an easy way to score some butt jewels.

The bottom line is next time you’re thinking of going for a dip in one of Japan’s pristine rivers, maybe think about writing your name on a cucumber and throwing it in first to appease the kappa (I’m not making this up), or for lack of a better pun, just watch your ass.

This is a delightful children’s song about kappa:

からすかずの子

にしんの子

おしりをねらって

かっぱの子

Child of crow

Child of herring

Aim for the buttocks
Kappa child