Shops that would probably appeal to the waste of skin and bone that was featured on last nights Derren Brown special "Apocalypse". Like Derren's "landing an aeroplane special", he took some hopeless excuse for a human who "lives in a rut". He thought it was acceptable to walk into the room whilst he Mum and Dad were watching TV and just change the channel over. The idea was to give him a life changing experience which involves convincing him zombies are real and he's living in a post apocalyptic disaster in hope that he'll come home and what? Make his mum a cup of tea occasionally? Allow them to continue watching the TV show they'd started? Do something other than rot his manginess life away in the pub playing pool every night?

The problem with using such an empty soulless waste of a half developed human embryo was that he had all the charm of a rotting teddy bear at a graveside (been waiting to use that for a while, thank you The Thick Of It). He appeared more like a zombie to begin with than the zombies in the show. In fact, were they sure he wasn't one? He barely spoke and he had no human reactions to anything. He was either a zombie or a boring fucking cunt.

To make up for his lack of personality and errr, speech, the show makers had to fill all the silence with loud orchestra hits and tense music. If it wasn't for the backing sound track and the other actors we'd have been watching a spaced out imbecile walking around like he was seeking his next heroin hit only occasionally spurred into movements which clarified to us he wasn't asleep by the threat of his face being chewed off by a member of the living dead.

Except as one friend pointed out on twitter (@lucyfayedawson) "@realdannys it's like someone has been given a minuscule budget to film and replicate 28 days later with an amateur dramatics group". Then again, this chap looked like he'd be convinced by a group of primary school kids with bedsheets over their heads pretending to be ghosts. They missed a trick, they could have saved all of their budget and just filmed the pretend apocalypse in Next or Bella Italia. For the apocalypse has already happened. We already have mediocre drones acting as humanity all over the UK. Consuming shit, thinking nothing for themselves. Its "apocalypse already".

I'm hoping Derren has a BIG twist in this. Rather than rehabilitating the cretin into something useful to society, they actually have him killed and Derren observes public opinion to seeing a half baked excuse of a man killed in a low budget Channel 4 stunt. He then points out how we were all expecting him to become a better human being but in fact his mother and father were so sick of him they were prepared to allow him to perish on national TV. I'm already prepared to click "like".

As long as the featured child had difficultly pronouncing the product or brand name the advert was a hit. "Awww listen he can't say Durex properly, its so cute" (alright, no children were used to advertise condoms either, which is ironic as they're the best advert for them) Being as I spend most of my time trying to avoid children or situations that involve them and the rest attempting to ignore irrelevant advertising the combination of the two I considered a violation of my relaxation time in front of the idiot box.

If it wasn't that fucking kid that wanted to "do a poo a Pauls house" then it was the Rice Krispies advert with the child who insists on almost sticking her blonde hair into the milk, waxy ear lobe first before uttering "I can hear them mummy", which was a line I found so irritating it instantly made my back go into spasm and three of my vertebrae seize up due to the sheer amount it "went through me". But wait, these two companies were responsible for two more kid-strosity adverts. Glade were also responsible for the little

"no children were used to advertise condoms, which is ironic as they're the best advert for them"

I know, I realise I'm most probably in the minority with this one. Most normal human beings love kids and cutesy things and quite obviously so or ad companies wouldn't be banging this formula out left right and centre. One day, in the unlikely scenario I settle down and have children and realise what life is all about and become a different person elevated to a higher level etc etc etc, someone will be able to bring this article up and tell me I'm a hypocritical, miserable, grumpy, hateful bile filled old bastard. And Id take exception to that. Im not a hypocrite.

At around 12 o’clock the hum from the tiny speaker is turned into a groan as the British public vent their misplaced angry opinions on whatever the news stories of the day happen to be. The consensus is that we all have a right to an opinion. This is, of course, is sometimes almost true. The thing is, opinion seems to be a byword for views based on a lack of facts, or even a basic, pre-school level of understanding.

As an example, a lady today drew the startling conclusion that the chaotic nature of a night time evacuation of that capsized cruise liner the size of a small city, was down to the inability of people these days to queue properly. This opinion may have held water (too soon?), but her tone and general smugness negated any possible value in her words.

the whole point of tax, to take money from the population and distribute it to where it is needed most. Otherwise it’s just people buying things for themselves

I think it’s the tone of the callers on these shows, a tone of righteous indignation in the voice of nearly every contributor. Don’t get me wrong, I think their right to an opinion is paramount, and also their right to share it. But you get the feeling the right to opinion has been taken to mean that an opinion is always right, like a “customer knows best” backlash of the reactionary and bafflingly misinformed. How much damage is really caused by opinions based on factually incorrect information being aired on respectable media forums?
It's a sign of a working and free democracy I know. But that doesn’t make it any less of a pollutant to my already polluted, tinnitus ridden ears.

"It wont all be this depressing I dont think, well...not if you take it as tongue in cheek anyway."

I can write forever "in the moment" but If I plan to sit down and write i'll get distracted and bored. For a start of you've got to spell check and proof read, and often re-write what you've done…that takes monumental amounts of effort. It seems these sort of 'things' need more substance, a better structure, a beginning, end and a point to even bother moving my fingers to type them. Even now I'm not just writing this I'm planning it and I'm thinking, its one thing to try and write obnoxious Facebook status updates (even those that stray into 500+ words) its quite another to start putting words down in essay format like some kind of newspaper article, in fact its full on ego centric.

But if I don't do this what the fuck else do I do with my time? I have to do something to waste the minutes away until I end up in my eternal sleep state (that means dead), why not write long winded rants about the mundaity of life in the mean time? It wont all be this depressing I dont think, well, not if you take it as tongue in cheek anyway.

This website in general will be beyond confusing to those (most) who prefer things perfectly broken down into sub-categories of micro niche genres just so they can understand whats going on. Ideally I should just have a website for my music career and in fact I should 3-4 of them under different alias' for fear of confusing someone who just listened to a glitch techno remix and I did and then went on to hear some Nate James soul, it might melt their brains.

But I'm not going to do that, I'm sick of this world spoon feeding shit to people. I'm sick of people getting confused by the slightest change in life. So everything I do, all of me, no matter who I'm appealing to, be it friends, potential employers, possible old (or new?) fans will see the same stuff.

That stuff will be, drivel like this, split up into different pointless sections from irrelevant ramblings to comedy rumblings. My football opinion will at least be linked to on here and the vast football following that I've collected on Twitter (@liverpooldeep) will be able to find my football related moans in longer detail here - while that account is football related its still very "me", so if you like what I say there you should like what I say elsewhere on here too.

I'll stick a music section up, with old and new work on it. I'll have my past projects section, think of it as an online portfolio, showing all my attempted (and often failed) business ventures. Speaking of which I plan to put my CV/Resume on here too, I am after all a freelance worker. Design work will be up here from graphics to clothes, whatever I do next, it'll have its own section. Any new projects I do, that are completed, signed, achieved or failed will also be put up here - all uncensored. I might even throw a few serious observations of life on here too. Oh and I'm sure my Facebook and personal Twitter (@realdannys) will be linked somewhere.

And don't forget the uber-geek side, I'm would imagine Technology will have a big part to play, even if it means the site just does lots of clever singing and dancing shit in the background. I dont forsee my Apple bias and love of beautiful design will go a miss.

So thats the point of this virtually pointless site really. A huge outlet for my disturbed and troubled mind which has its odd flashes of brilliance in various tiny forms…hell I might even make things more confusing and get some friends to write stuff that has nothing to do with me as well, but that I agree with, on my website, who'd have thunk it. By the time I've finished with this place i'll be the only person who understands it (likes it, or reads it) which sort of defies the entire point in the first place, such is life.