Dumb Criminals

I’m Lovin’ It….Too Much

cecilia — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:40:17 +0000

So, in case you’ve never set foot in a health class of any sort, I have news. Fast-food is bad for you. Yummy, yes. With the guilt of consuming a week’s worth of calories at breakfast. Cheap, yes. Your wallet stays fat, and you just get fatter. All in moderation, though, so you don’t get crazy [...] Related posts:

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This Will Only Hurt A Lot

cecilia — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:37:54 +0000

Nobody enjoys going to the dentist. When you’re a kid, it feels like your mouth is being pried open by garden tools. When you’re an adult, you’re forced to make conversation while your mouth is being pried open by garden tools. At least your dentist (hopefully) knows what he’s doing…unlike this one. According to Huff Post, [...] Related posts:

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Seems Legit

cecilia — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 03:48:56 +0000

Smart people get away with a lot of stuff. It’s always the genius who can goof off in class and the teacher barely notices. It’s only when things get illegal that the royal treatment ends… An out-of-work doctor, with a personality disorder and mental condition, was caught forging prescriptions for himself. All 654 of them, according [...] Related posts:

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That Actually Happens…?

cecilia — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 03:47:05 +0000

Kids are a lot smarter than you give us credit for. I mean, just because we want to pack six of us into a golf cart in the middle of the night doesn’t mean we don’t know it’s a bad idea…..okay, so we’re not Einsteinlings. However, some high-schoolers in LA figured out how to use their [...] Related posts:

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Darn You, Casper

cecilia — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 02:33:02 +0000

People have quite an obsession with the supernatural. Horror movies, aliens, and Snooki are all regarded as in today’s society as terrifyingly fascinating. Most of the time, though, these hideous creatures are not blamed for putting people in jail. A man had been repeatedly beating up on his wife, and even mentioned killing her, according to [...] Related posts:

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Take Your Kid To “Work”

cecilia — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 02:31:38 +0000

A lot of kids are expected to follow in their parents’ footsteps. Think Michael Bluth, Frodo Baggins, and Jesus. This is acceptable in our society…unless the parent is an idiot, a criminal, or a member of the Jersey Shore cast. Worse than that, though, are the parents who bring their kids into a life of crime. [...] Related posts:

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Tag Me Too!

cecilia — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 03:00:55 +0000

You can tell a lot about a person from their Facebook profile picture. Some girls really have a thing for bathrooms, while others enjoy using obscure angles of their heavily made-up eyeballs. And then you have the brave adventurers who combine both. At least this hasn’t lead to (many) arrests. But four teens in Pittsburgh got [...] Related posts:

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What Else Ya Got In There?

cecilia — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 02:59:33 +0000

It’s amazing, all the things women can shove in their purses. Need a tissue? Here. Need an extra pair of socks? Here. Car low on gas? Here ya go. In need of some chicken pox vaccinations? They’re in here somewhere… Another…slightly less…tasteful, um, area used to store things is a woman’s brasserie. Or bra, for those [...] Related posts:

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JK Babes U Kno I Luv U

cecilia — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:52:25 +0000

Did you know that we take out our anger on the person we love most? I refer to this as the “Sibling Stage” of a relationship. You know, where you’re unconsciously mean to your S.O. because you figure you just have to love each other anyway. No? Just me? Okay. For a New Year’s resolution, at [...] Related posts:

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I Prefer Sue

cecilia — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 18:47:39 +0000

Sometimes I wonder what parents could possibly be thinking when naming their child. I joke about it all the time, but would I actually name my daughter Ella Vader? Or force my son to go through life being called Mike Hawke? No, of course not. That’s why we have pets. But occasionally, children grow up and [...] Related posts:

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Now To Make A Loooot of Tortillas

cecilia — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:30:54 +0000

“I’m really in the mood for corn…fifty-five TONS of it.” Sometimes I wonder exactly how the planning of crimes goes down. They seem more like something you’d see in a videogame, rather than an actual idea out of someone’s actual mind. Then again, the actual minds here don’t amount to much. One lovely afternoon in Brazil, [...] Related posts:

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Tastes Better With Salsa

cecilia — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:19:33 +0000

So, Christmas break is just wrapping up (no pun intended), and that means no more piles of seasonal junk food. In fact, most of our New Year’s resolutions probably involve shedding all those cookies chillin’ out around our waistline. My point is, like they’ve been teaching you since elementary school “health class”, junk food is [...] Related posts:

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I Call Patches to the Stand!

cecilia — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:44:26 +0000

I have a lot of sympathy for dogs. Not just the homeless ones you see in those super sad commercials, but the ones sitting at the kitchen table wearing sweaters. The ones who would probably love to be homeless for a day or two, just so they could act like…well, I don’t know, dogs. At least [...] Related posts:

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Scary Dairy

cecilia — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:40:37 +0000

The economy is pretty whacked out these days. Everyone is trying to sue everyone, or rip off everyone, or sue everyone for ripping off everyone. Or, in some cases, assaulting people because their ice cream is priced too high…? Yup, it happened. A woman in Utah found it appropriate to attack the neighborhood ice cream truck [...] Related posts:

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They Said I Could Be Anything, So I Became Laundry

cecilia — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 02:18:49 +0000

Kids can be a lot of work. In fact, they’ve been called the “best form of birth control”. That being said, it’s still a parent’s duty to raise them into well-functioning members of the American society. Wait, that’s an oxymoron. So, basically, don’t put your toddler in the dryer. Seems like a simple parenting tip, right? [...] Related posts:

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Feed Me, Seymour

cecilia — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 02:15:07 +0000

Sometimes people get WAY too hungry. Even though it’s Christmas season, that’s probably not a good excuse to be eating bags full of cookies for every meal. Or biting the thumb of a policeman…? Yup, that’s exactly what a man in Iowa did, according to Globe Gazette. He insisted he was being followed, ran through an [...] Related posts:

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Pounding Your Meat?

cecilia — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:13:46 +0000

So, it’s been made understood that men only want one thing. A nice, red, juicy….steak. And some will stop at nothing to get one. In attempt to conjure up a romantic dinner for him and his lucky (er, not) lady, a man in Florida shoplifted four steaks and a couple candles. But being the utter genius [...] Related posts:

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Kids vs. Creeps

cecilia — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:11:40 +0000

A lot of people are just downright creepy. But it’s a good thing we have small children to protect us from them…right? According to Dallas News, a man was arrested for installing a hidden camera in a recreation center changing room. It was disguised as an air freshener, a clever (or not) plan that seemed to [...] Related posts:

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Just Slept Through My Alarm…

cecilia — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:46:59 +0000

Sleeping on the job is probably never a good idea. Unless, of course, you’re a mattress tester. Does that career even exist? “Rise and shine, ma’am. Your shift’s over, you can go home now.” “Aww…” Uh, sign me up. It’s even worse when your job isn’t, err, a typical source of income. A man in Palm [...] Related posts:

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Family is Family

cecilia — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 02:38:19 +0000

Ahh, sibling rivalry. It’s been in place since the two of you fought over who got to eat the last bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and still pops back up at family reunions over whose kid won the board game. So, it’s nice when siblings finally do get along…just not when they decide to break the law. [...] Related posts:

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