Dumb Criminals

Not Without My Pants

Danny — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 08:58:36 +0000

Say what you will about this turd in the gene pool. At least he has the balls to go without pants and his officer’s will admit to it, because he doesn’t have any pants. A [...] Related posts:

A Bird in the Pants is Worth Two in the Pants I can’t think of many reasons why a man would...
Foiled by the Pants…of Justice! Once again, a criminal has been foiled not by careful...
A Blast from the Pants Sometimes banks use explosive dye packs to protect their money...

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Call of the Weird

Danny — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 07:35:36 +0000

This kind of thing happens so many times that I’m literally running out of jokes to make about it. If only someone would have the smarts to do it differently like while wearing a funny [...] Related posts:

Underwhaaa? When you enter into public life, you have to sacrifice...
What a Card Who says no one goes to the library anymore? People...
Stalled at the Police Station There is a time and a place for everything. You...

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Jerk in the Box

Danny — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 06:53:57 +0000

No, don’t worry overweight America. This story isn’t about a fast food employee doing something disgusting to your meal that would get him fired, then re-hired just so they could fire him again before he’s [...] Related posts:

Jerk in the Box Why would anyone eat fast food? Better yet, why would...
Drink and Drive-Thru Drinking and driving is never a good idea. Drinking and...
Think Outside the Brain It’s no surprise that America has an unhealthy attitude with...

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Key Lame Pie

Danny — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:19:47 +0000

This case isn’t really a textbook definition of dumb, but it’s in the ballpark. If anything, it makes staying awake in high school chemistry a necessity. A man caught with more than 1,700 pounds of [...] Related posts:

Drunks Turn Up In the Oddest Places Don’t go drunk because you’ll end up in prison. Sometimes...
The Wrong Cab It’s always good to know exactly who is giving you...
The Lights Aren’t On Upstairs Emergency lights are designed to help important vehicles get through...

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Drugs Impare Your Judgement

Danny — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 04:49:07 +0000

Sometimes I wonder if court houses should be required to equip brain detectors instead of metal detectors. A guy going into one courthouse put his bag of marijuana into the pocket bowl before walking through [...] Related posts:

The Other Losers at This Year’s Super Bowl The Arizona Cardinals weren’t the only people who went home...
Drugged to Jail Why do so many people going to a jail end...
A Not-So-Capitol Idea People who go out of their way to make a...

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You’re No Fun Anymore

Danny — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 04:30:59 +0000

Note to self: judges are not “Monty Python” fans. A man facing sentencing told a judge to “get on with it” as the judge was speaking, according to the Morning Call. The defendant told the judge [...] Related posts:

The World’s Dumbest Break-In Most criminals break into houses, stores and orphanages. Some really...
Half-Wit, Full Moon There is never a reason you should ever moon a...
It’s a Slam Dumb: A Special Report One of the NBA’s dumbest athletes, an actual award that’s...

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Rather Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On

Danny — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:43:59 +0000

A word of warning: if you’re going to write a headline like that and need some art to accompany it, keep the “safe search” option in the “on” position on Google Images. It’ll save you [...] Related posts:

Dumb Caught on Tape Here’s a tip: if you’re low on intelligence, don’t try...
Drinking and Thinking Don’t Mix Despite the beliefs of some, drinking doesn’t mix well with...
Caught in a Lineup Lines just seem to permeate our whole world. There are...

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A Dirty Shame

Danny — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 02:51:59 +0000

People really don’t pay attention anymore. It’s a wonder large crowds of people wandering the streets aren’t walking into open manholes or ambling face first into walls. It’s no wonder this crook purse-nabbing a woman [...] Related posts:

Catching Hell for Your Cell Cell phones are great. They give us instant access to...
Burglar Punished By His Mother “M” is for the million things she gave me. “O”...
An Unflattering Cell Portrait Cell phones have done some great things in their time....

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Knowing is Half the Battle

Danny — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 22:21:13 +0000

Once and for all, for the last time, I’m not going to repeat myself: saying “I didn’t know” does not change anything. It doesn’t make your girlfriend un-pregnant. It doesn’t bring back your dog Scruffy [...] Related posts:

Half-Wit, Full Moon There is never a reason you should ever moon a...
Cop (and Brain) and a Half It’s hard to understand the logic of people who impersonate...
Fake Out Another fake cop gets in trouble for being a fake...

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Under the Gun

Danny — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 22:02:51 +0000

You shouldn’t take what doesn’t belong to you, especially if you’re using it to take something that doesn’t belong to you. A restaurant employee who wrestled a gun away from his attacker got the attacker [...] Related posts:

To Dye For There is nothing wrong with being undeterred by your goal....
Cop with a Brain and a Half Making out a schedule of your day is important. It...
Underwhaaaaa? It never ceases to astound me what some people think...

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That’s Not Write

Danny — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 05:53:38 +0000

People who aren’t smart enough to know the difference between breaking and following the law probably didn’t have much schooling, but at least some of them were smart enough to grasp concepts beyond a 3rd [...] Related posts:

Have a Nice Day or I’ll Shoot Manners are important during these dark and selfish times. It...
ID Stands for “Is Dumb” Banks are naturally stressful places. They create more unwanted headaches...
Drive Thru Robbery One bank robbery recently pulled one of the dumbest sounding...

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The Dumb People’s Court

Danny — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:29:50 +0000

It’s never a good idea to piss off a court judge, especially by doing it before you’ve even entered their courtroom. One man learned that lesson when he got busted for selling drugs while he [...] Related posts:

A Bum Bums a Ride to Court What’s the worst way to get to court for your...
Check, Check, Check the Police Cops are people too! If you prick them, do they...
Not the Top Cop Once again, we don’t find anything remotely funny or amusing...

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A Real Weiner

Danny — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:28:49 +0000

We set our standards pretty low in this world. It used to be that our dreams reached as high as the sky, with visions of wealth, fame and power as rewards for hard work and [...] Related posts:

A Real Dog Lover Some cases not only defy description, they really don’t require...
Super Steal Me Usually, we cover the insane and bizarre actions of criminals...
Lack of Intelligence Theft Thanks to the increasing accessibility and widespread use of computer,...

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Drop the Dead Dog

Danny — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:04:37 +0000

This story came to our attention from a reader who alerted us to an anonymous story on a “Hubpages” website instead of a traditional news outlet, so it’s veracity is neither here nor there. So [...] Related posts:

Taking the Cake It’s amazing what some people will do for cake, like...
A Dirty Shame People really don’t pay attention anymore. It’s a wonder large...
Don’t Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em Drugs impair your judgment, clutter your mind and make you...

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Paid in Fool

Danny — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:47:12 +0000

Bills suck. You work hard to pay them on time and if you’re a millimeter late with the check, they charge you up the ying-yang. You can never find a stamp to mail them the [...] Related posts:

Fast Fool You have to question the logic of aast food, something...
Pedal to the Mental Why do so many dumb criminals forget to plan the...
No Words Can Adequately Describe The Shock You’ll Experience When Read This Story of a Woman Who Had Sex With a Dog That’s not a joke or some kind of witty way...

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Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before…

Danny — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:34:28 +0000

Two wrongs never make a right. And that doesn’t necessarily mean that any odd number of total wrongs does equal a right. I was never good with math. A guy trying to smuggle 5 kilos [...] Related posts:

Stop or I’ll Spit Chewing tobacco is a nasty habit. It not only stains...
Saving Police the Effort Look out New Zealand. America is coming for ya. A...
Either Way, He’s a Loser There are lots of winners in life. This isn’t one...

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Super Steal Me

Danny — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:45:31 +0000

Usually, we cover the insane and bizarre actions of criminals whose intelligence or lack thereof gets them in trouble. This one is different because the people who committed the crime haven’t been though and it [...] Related posts:

The Other Losers at This Year’s Super Bowl The Arizona Cardinals weren’t the only people who went home...
A Real Weiner We set our standards pretty low in this world. It...
ID Theft Stands for “Is Dumb” It’s too bad that identity thieves can’t also steal the...

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A Bicycle Built for a Boob

Danny — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:40:36 +0000

Bike riding must be a hard sport. I say must because the only man-powered machine I operate on a daily basis is my television and my reclining leather chair. Maybe bikers aren’t that smart after [...] Related posts:

Loud is Not Allowed People who drive with their car radios turned up so...
You Can’t Spell “Terrible Decision Maker” Without A-T-M Banks are a huge pain in the ass. Especially these...
Where There’s Smoke, There’s Pot Safety is job one here at DumbCriminals HQ. We have...

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Cop (and Brain) and a Half

Danny — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 22:21:03 +0000

It’s hard to understand the logic of people who impersonate cops. That is, assuming that they have some ounce of logic in the first place. One man tried to pass himself as a police officer [...] Related posts:

Cop with a Brain and a Half Making out a schedule of your day is important. It...
Think Outside the Brain It’s no surprise that America has an unhealthy attitude with...
Fake Out Another fake cop gets in trouble for being a fake...

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Son of a Gun

Danny — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:01:43 +0000

Guns and drugs don’t mix. In fact, soccer cleats and space walks go together better. A guy applying for a handgun license got busted for drug possession at the same time, according to the Paladium [...] Related posts:

While You Were Out of Your Mind It’s always nice and courteous to leave a forwarding message...
“ID” Stands for “Is Dumb” Once again, a group of fumbling kidnappers led police to...
The Ninth DUI is the Charm There is pushing your luck and there is pushing your...

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