“We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.” 

― Marilyn Monroe 

So, I recently saw this comment on my site anonymous to me “I have never had a orgasm from a man.” When I saw it, it came as no surprise as I have heard other women say the same thing before. My question is this; why is it that when you are in a relationship with someone you would rather go unsatisfied instead of discussing your desires, wants and needs, shoot maybe even a fantasy or two. Sex is as common as breathing, everyone does it and yet it is such a taboo subject. We are all adults engaging in an intimate activity so why can’t we discuss it like adults.  I feel like there are thousands of women that have mastered the art of faking orgasms… I would like to say 5 in every 10 women having sexual relations fake pleasure. Why would we do such a thing when we can fix it? I know all of us have had to experience that awkward phase in our relationship were talking about it just wasn’t comfortable, but I am thinking wouldn’t you rather experience a little discomfort so that you can enjoy the feeling of pleasure.  Society seems to have altered the real appearance of sex. Having sexual desires and fantasies doesn’t make you dirty, or a whore or diminish your character, it simply means that you are human. Women have been made to be sexual beings, we have been trained subconsciously to dress a certain way to entice men. We change our bodies, appearance, and sometimes who we are just to attract them, and for what, to lay in bed and imagine the type of sex we want to have.  “I’ve never orgasmed with a guy” that sentence that blows my mind every time I hear someone utter those words, and they seem unfazed as if it just so normal to them now that they don’t even care. In my opinion I feel like if you are going to just settle for little or no sexual fulfilment then you are just signing yourself up to be a sexual object for someone while you stroke their ego with the moans you make as they think they are the reason for them. Men like to think that when they have sex with a woman that they are actually giving her the best sex of her life, that he “put her to bed” so to speak. Although some women today are more open about sex than, our parents or grandparent’s generation, there are still plenty women who don’t feel comfortable expressing her needs to a man.

So, I think I would really like to try an orgasm, all of my friends are talking about it… it seems to be the IT thing… LMAO wouldn’t that be an interesting conversation between you and your lover.

Ok let’s get serious, obviously, I am not saying to lead the conversation like that but I don’t really see the harm in telling a man what you want done in bed, they do it. Yes, I know that when it comes to the male ego it is often touch and go, because most think that what they are doing makes them a God in bed, but if they only knew. I just feel like we as women know our bodies better than anyone we should be able to make requests. Think about it, if a guy gets a blow job and the girl isn’t doing it right he will tell her, soooo I think it’s about time women step up to the plate.   Sex is meant to be enjoyed by both parties not just one. So, ladies, are you going to step up to the plate and do what you need to do to hit a home run, or are you going to keep striking out? It is nothing to be ashamed about, hell if you have to hold their head, guide their head like they would do to you, then DO IT. Take a stand and have the conversation today…. HAPPY ORGASMS LADIES.                 

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– Albert Einstein

The famous saying “they talked about Jesus, so what chance do I stand?” It’s quite ironic that we KNOW how people are, we know and understand how things work and yet when they perform their ‘magic trick’ we act so surprised as if we don’t know how they did it.

 Ok, now that I’ve said all of that in one breath let me explain what I mean by ‘magic trick’. People judge for no reason at all, they judge because they don’t like you, they judge what they don’t understand, shit they judge just because. We know this, we understand this and yet we still complain, still are shocked at the end of the show, why? In my opinion we have this reaction because we all know that with time comes maturity, so after the first trick we give them a pass thinking they will grow up and mature and then it happens again, and again and then again. So why after the third, fourth even fifth time are we still amazed by the same show. I feel like after the second time we need to accept the reality of the situation and realise that NOT everyone matures into adult; some will always think and behave like a toddler.

The truth surrounding this situation is that everyone judges, everyone talks about everyone, no one is exempt from it, and everyone will have their chance to endure it. It is funny how life plays out, most of us don’t mind talking about others, but once the roles are swapped all hell breaks loose. You can dish out your harsh words but you can’t eat them yourself but you have no issue force feeding them to others… I feel like in the beginning everyone will react someway when it is bought to their attention that someone is talking about them behind their back, however, the sooner you realise that everyone does it and that no one is immune from it the better off you will be. I am not saying that it will not bother you, because sometimes it will, depending on the content, but remember that most of the people talking are talking with a double edged sword.

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pop·u·lar·i·ty
päpyəˈlaritē/ Popularity: the state or condition of being liked, admired, or supported by many people.

So you are in a popularity contest eh? How does it feel to be running up against millions of people? How does it feel to change who you are just to be liked? Is it satisfying? Are you getting the result that you want? With all these social networks out there it seems like the hunger and thirst has greatly intensified. I mean the posts on Instagram alone has people looking like they live in a desert and each like is like a sip of water. #KeepCalm sweetie. 

What is so special about popularity? What is all the hype all about? So what if you only know a handful of people, does that mean that your life is any less awesome or meaningful than someone who knows hundreds? How many people have survived and surpassed countless people with less than a hundred people by their side?? The fact that you are hated/disliked/unsupported by so many should give you that extra push that you need to forever make their mouth drop to the ground in amazement and envy every time they see you.

People base their likes and dislikes on those of others instead of their own. Most of them don’t even have a valid reason to have any resentment against you.  So many people are afraid to take a stand, afraid to be different, afraid to stand out from the ‘cool kids’. In my opinion it’s like fashion. How many heterosexual men judged and critiqued homosexual men for wearing fitted clothes until someone superior started wearing them and then those same men who judged dropped their pants size. Hhhhmmmmm hungry for popularity?

It really makes me laugh at the fact that we are all blessed with a brain and yet we don’t put it to use because we stay following trends or those who we MAKE superior. Beauty, clothes, and appearance do not or better yet, should not make you popular. Superficial and materialistic things seem to make or break you these days. If you don’t look like the majority of those surrounding you then I welcome you to take a seat and watch the finger pointing and whispers begin. We weren’t blessed with a brain to let it sit and do nothing beneficial for us. How many people do we know dislike someone else because of their friends, or something that they heard? I mean what is the point; you are passing judgment because of someone else imposing their own opinion onto you, when you have the ability to think and do for yourself.

Being liked by the world is impossible, there will always be someone who doesn’t like something about you and that is ok. Be who you are, and do that for you. The challenges that you face along way make the journey interesting and the destination more meaningful. Living your life everyday for the likes and approval of others is you giving the world control of your life, handing over the strings that control your every action. Learn to live for you, life is too short to live for the approval of others. 

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I have made numerous attempts to get back to blogging regularly but failed miserably every single time. Today I find myself in a place that is familiar but not liked. I feel like someone is living my life and I am present sporadically. Days have turned into weeks, and regrettably weeks into months between posts… Time seems to be slipping through my fingers like water.

The truth is; most of my time lapse has been intentional. I know, I know, I deserve smacks. I feel like with everything that is going on in my mind and my life has created this cocktail that even Jack Sparrow himself wouldn’t be able to drink. When I get time to sit down and write I concoct an excuse that I deem to be plausible to put off writing until tomorrow, but we all know that tomorrow isn’t promised nor does it come. So here I am a thousand tomorrow’s later.

Sometimes when I place my fingers on the keyboard of my laptop I am ready to pour out my soul and allow my emotions to flow freely but I am so nervous and afraid that I try to soften my writing, to avoid being too open and honest. But what is too honest, is there even such a thing called too honest? My mind is so chaotic right now with every emotion from anger, frustration, and love right down to battling fatigue and my own personal insecurities. With all of these ingredients cluttering my head I always feel like my writing won’t be same as it was when I first started this blog.

F.E.A.R: False Evidence Appearing Real.

My fears and insecurities that I have about myself and writing have really been getting to me lately. Truthfully it really has more to do with the walls that I have surrounded myself with in my desperate attempt to feel protected, but reality remains true that they haven’t been protecting me at all, but crippled me into this corner.

One word at a time towards a better tomorrow… my slogan and yet I have allowed myself to be handicapped by my own insecurities. Today I am taking a step out of the corner that I have lived these past few months. I have been neglecting my writing, fearful of being too honest with my thoughts but today I take stand. Believe in yourself because it is your opinion and outlook of yourself that means the most. Often times we are our own worst enemy when the power to do anything lies within us.  

“With each key stroke my sorrows fade, with each word formed my insecurities disappear, with each sentence ended my courage is reborn and just like that I am whole again.”

-HymeshaDiana

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Life is like a blanket. Too short.  You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night. 

~Marion Howard

If you’re human like me, then you have encountered at least one challenging time, where you felt like you could not muster up the strength to take one more step forward. Today I sit in front of my computer writing on my website, I didn’t dream that I would have a website that people look forward to reading. I didn’t think I would have an outlet of my own that touched the hearts of others. I never imagined that over two years ago I would suffer from a life altering condition that still affects me today. I never realised that stressing over things that are beyond my control would almost cost me my life. It could be worse; a saying that says so much, four words that contain so much power and truth. 

There is no better time then now to take control of your life. Life is meant to be lived in the now; not in the past or future, but the present. Ever since I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy over two years ago I have been trying hard not to stress, steadily trying not to sweat the small stuff but I am human, and I am learning that even my emotions I lose control over at times. We are not meant to be perfect souls, yes life’s circumstances can be overwhelming but we must try to remember that it could be worse. Life isn’t easy for anyone. Sure, their outer appearance may show an easy life, but don’t be fooled by what looks like a flawless appearance; they have just mastered the art of “never let them see you sweat”. 

Everyone has a battle, everyone has storms that they must endure, but how we adapt, prepare and overcome them differ.  I tell myself everyday that despite my face, despite the fact that I have cut all my hair off that I am still beautiful despite what society has to say about beauty.  Each obstacle that we overcome makes us stronger. I have friends that say things like “when does it end, why am I going through again?” Your lessons never stop until you have actually learned them. If every time you are presented with a lesson and you fail, a new one will be placed before you. Life is no different from school; you learn something new everyday, and will be tested randomly. Now I am not saying that with each obstacle you will come out the same person, nor will you escape untouched. The scars are there to serve as a reminder of your strength to overcome. 

They say that life wasn’t promised to be easy but worth it in the end. Not everyday will be a challenge, but at the end of the day you have to live for you, and not everyone else. Strive for your own happiness, not for the acceptance of the world. You came in this world alone, and sorry to say, but you will leave the same way. Truth be told all you need is you, everyone else is just a bonus. I am not saying to be a loner, but you don’t need to be dependant upon others only to be let down and disappointed which will lead to stress. 

“Everything happens for a reason” has become my creed, or words to live by. Complaining and questioning every hardship or disappointment doesn’t add anything positive to my life. Its amazing how drastically my life has changed, but when I remember that it’s a lesson I had to learn I just accept it and smile through it. If you can’t smile through it then fake it, like they say fake it until you make it. Learning how to look at your life through a different lens is hard, its almost like being an adult and trying to learn english. No one is perfect, wait let me say that again NO ONE IS PERFECT, therefore no friendship, relationship or life can be perfect, yet we still can’t seem to fathom that. It’s our perfectly imperfect lives that gives us meaning and makes us who we are. Yes, when we are faced with hurdle after hurdle, gossip, drama and discrimination it makes it that much harder however, the will to survive lives within you, you can do this.

Living is so much more worthy than just surviving. Shit could be worse, you could be dead. Stressing over petty stuff really isn’t worth it, it jus makes life go by that much faster. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who had so much going on but still had a smile on their face and all you could do was sit there and say “wow”. They are smiling because they realize that life really isn’t that bad, our reaction to life is worse. Our less than perfect lives have gotten us this far, it has made us who we are. If you are not the person that you want to be, then make a change. No one wants to hear the famous line “there are people that are going through worse” but unfortunately it is true. Each battle may be different, but those who are going through worse look at it differently. We are so spoiled that we feel that someone will bail us out, give us a hand to get us out of the mud. Many people out there don’t have a lifeline. They are just grateful for each day they wakeup. Be grateful for what you DO have, focus on the water in your tap, the food on your table, the clothes in your closet, the place you call home. Focus on the air in your lungs, the vision in your eyes, the sounds in your ears, each step that you take, the love in your life. Never forget that everything happens for a reason, it could ALWAYS be worse.

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– Shefon Nachelle

Curl to Curl… WELCOME!!! Now that you are on your new journey or maybe continuing your journey of naturally curly, I welcome you to join me on my continuing journey.

I have just made the BIG CHOP.  I never would have thought that I would go from naturally curly hair that was down my back to a close tapered haircut that I couldn’t put into a ponytail if I tried, yet here I sit today and I reach back and feel nothing but scalp.

My natural hair journey has lasted my whole 26 years (and counting). I remember when I worked in a hair salon I would see countless women come in and do major cuts, and I would sit there and say ” I would never cut my hair off.” Well to my surprise I found myself in the mirror a little over a year ago with scissors in my hand going snip snip. They say that women who cut their hair 9x out of 10 are going through something emotional. As Coco Chanel said “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” That woman may not even know what she is in for the moment she consciously decides to go through with the haircut, but that is another post that I will go into detail later.

Lately so many women are opting to go the natural route and embrace their kinky, curly coils and I love it. Society IMO (In My Opinion) has long changed and altered the mind frame of many women which is what led to weaves, (no offence to those who still wear them) relaxers and extensions. I mean what is so wrong about rocking a fro? There is nothing ugly about an afro, and yet so many women ran straight to the hair salon religiously for their relaxers, afraid to show their naps at the back of their head when their 6 weeks steadily approached. When a woman decides to go natural it isn’t an easy decision but it is one that is worth it. Being naturally curly is so versatile. When you have a relaxer you can’t just switch from curly to straight, but when you are natural you can have the best of both worlds.

Curl to Curl, we have all been subjected to the false perceptions placed on us by society that long, shiny, straight manes is the hair that makes a woman sexy. By embracing your natural curls, you are taking control, you are defining your beauty, you are being YOU in every sense of the word. How many of us know someone that is struggling with the decision to go naturally curly because of the famous excuse I don’t like my real hair. I know a good handful of women that if they had a good daily regimen and the right products could proudly and boldly rock their natural mane, but they seem to still be stuck in the shackles that so many women are placed in when it comes to their hair. 

Truth be told, so many women face insecurities when it comes to their hair. If their hair isn’t done they feel unpretty, if they suffer from fly aways holding gel is a must, not a single grey hair can be shown and the list goes on. Yes, hair makes us feminine but it doesn’t and shouldn’t define a woman’s beauty. 

Curl to Curl, embrace and love and the naturally curly you.

Tressed to empress… Curl to Curl you are beautiful.

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-Albert Einstein

Since when was women competing against each other applauded, encouraged, praised or even rewarded?? Years ago women stood together to get ahead in life, because they were always told that it’s a man’s world.  Women back then were raised to be housewives, that was more important than anything else. Then again, I guess when you look at it from that point of view, we have always been raised to have some form of competition against the next. You would think that instead of being like crabs in a bucket we would actually try to help each other get ahead, but we are so busy being all about SELF that there isn’t enough time to even consider anyone else. 

Today all you see are women/girls, in a competition for popularity and beauty. How foolish of them to think that those two traits will land them with a good and faithful spouse on their arm. There is so much more to being a woman than just outer appearance and who knows you. Anyone can make themselves look beautiful, anyone can add people to their circle, but what you hold within you is key. Society has trained us to think that what is on the outside is what matters most, so many women spend most of their time focusing on their outer, while their inside looks like shit. Make-up, clothes, shoes, hair, and nails; everything has to be flawless so that the next chick can envy, so that in your mind you are superior to the rest.

Professional athletes all over the world get tired of competing at some point and they get paid to compete, yet these women/girls are out here competing for less; a superficial title that lands them nowhere. I smile at it all, but frown at these women/girls, because instead of being an individual, instead of living their life solely for themselves they are living it in hopes of gaining superficial power. They barely exist in a world that is constantly turning, constantly evolving. Life can only be lived once and very few can say they have actually lived. 

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“Love is weakest when there is more doubt than trust but love is strongest when we learn to trust despite the doubts.” 

Love and Trust; the two go hand in hand. It seems like these days trust is non-existent, extinct even. How many women AND men for that matter carry their heartache and lack of trust into current and new relationships? I would say just about every male and female that has ever been heartbroken. The vicious cycle that is on repeat from those who hurt is never going to end. Men get hurt and they vow to themselves to never ever feel that way again sooooooo what happens they become players, they remove, hide and destroy all trace of emotions. The women they mess around with, despite the pain they have been subjected to in the past still end up with emotions, that’s how we are no matter how hard we try, unless you have somehow mastered the art to literally fuck and not care. I don’t think I know a female like that. These women end up being 3am club fucks, baby momma’s, whores, and emotional wrecks who refuse to fully trust again.

The question is then raised; can you fully trust again? Can you find the part of you that is still willing to set aside the past and allow someone else to opportunity to take a chance with your heart? They say once trust is broken it can never be gained back, well anyone who knows me, knows that I disagree with that statement. I feel that trust is simply fear. When we love for the first time we go in it thinking our life will play out like a fairytale, it goes smoothly until we realise that reality has struck. Although that first heartbreak is the worst, each time our trust gets abused the feeling will never get old, it still hurts. 

In love we trust, or is it? Love is that emotion that despite the possibility of pain we still subject ourselves, we still crave it, we still fight for it. They say insanity is doing the same thing over again but expecting a different result, I look at that like love. A human being is imperfect therefore NO relationship can be without fault. I repeat, no one is perfect; therefore no relationship can be. No matter how many times you pick apart your brain trying to figure out what you did wrong, or what they did wrong, expecting someone that imperfect to give you something which is perfect is insanity. We know that in order to love we must be willing to be vulnerable. Willing to hand over your heart to someone and trusting them with everything in you not to hurt you. Hurt is an emotion that inevitable, so to think that you will be in a relationship without hurt is also ludicrous, yet so many of us tend to forget that. 

Trusting in love simply means to put aside your fears and just live. A life without love, in my opinion is like a life without enemies. Someone who goes through life with no enemies is a person who is a chameleon and adjust to their surrounding never being true to themselves. To live without love is a life lived in fear, the fear of pain keeps you in restraints. I don’t about you, but I honestly couldn’t go through life like that. Live and Love a little. 

It’s impossible to find someone who won’t EVER hurt you, so when you find the person that is worth the pain remember that without pain, pleasure wouldn’t feel so good.

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People are so quick to talk about sh*t they know absolutely nothing about, it is merely hearsay, especially if you didn’t witness it first hand. Create ONE enemy and I guarantee you will be gossiped about, but as they say; be thankful that you have enemies. The Gossip Game today is dangerous, everyone is out for self, phuck everyone else, if given the opportunity most people will not hesitate to throw you under the bus.

Its funny though, this “Gossip Game” because people love gossip as long as it isn’t about them. Yes, everyone is guilty of entertaining it and taking it to someone else, but there comes a point in time when you must think about how gossip once affected you…

What is so important, what do you get out of it, what does it do for you? Why is it that people seek pleasure out of bringing others down? I am so confused as to how it is that standing on someone else’s back to make yourself  APPEAR higher than the rest makes you feel somewhat better than them. I get it your self-esteem is sh*t, but that isn’t going to help you, it just proves how weak and shallow that you are. 

You spend so much time talking about people’s lives that your own is passing you by. Oh, wait, that’s right you have no life which is why you play this gossip game. Your are barely existing let alone actually living, so why not involve yourself in someone else’s life, after all it is more exciting than your own. All I can do is shake my head at people who get off on bringing other people down. The gossip game today is treacherous, people will insert their own little ideas, opinions, and two cents where they don’t fit, trying desperately to pretty up a size 4 story trying to upsize it to a 14. You only get one chance at life, why not make the best out of life by living your own. I have been on both sides of the fence and although negativity travels at lightening speed and more appealing it doesn’t make it better or right. 

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. Gossip is a tool used to distract people. Life is too short to be lived talking about people, gossiping, and stirring up trouble that has no value to your own life. Why should someone’s life concern you, make yourself happy that way you have no need to poke your head where it doesn’t fit. Everyone has a past, a story, a secret, unless it was a one man band, you may want to watch out for karma, for when the shoe is on the other foot it is never a comfortable fit. 

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If you had the power to turn back the hands of time would you? Would you redo your life all over again or make changes? Or would you turn down the opportunity and live with the decisions you have made throughout your life thus far?

That moment when you ponder your life, sitting there asking yourself “what if?” How many of us with the power of hindsight would make numerous changes throughout our lives, I think just about everyone would. At the time of any particular moment we think or hope that the choice we are about to make will be the right one, unfortunately not all the time it will be the right one. As a result of making the wrong choice we either learn OR keep making the same mistakes over and over.

If life allowed us to turn back the hands of time no one would truly learn anything, they would be given the opportunity to redo it all over again which would change the impact it has on them or others. Life isn’t meant to be perfect or painless. Nothing in life is guaranteed, promised or owed to us. We must live our lives to the best of our ability, there will be times when we stumble but as they say fall seven times, get up eight. Each hurdle that we overcome teaches us a lesson; yes we may come out with a scar or two but allow that to be your reminder that despite it all you overcame.

Turning back the hands of time is like having a reset button in Candy Crush Saga without losing a life. Yes a weird way to explain it, but many have become addicted to it, and with each wrong move, each level uncompleted you look at your next chance differently see what you could do differently this time around, you are more cautious, more observant of your goal. Having that reset button, you wouldn’t be able to feel what its like to make a wrong move, lose a life and have to wait sometimes 10-15 minutes for a new one. Living life day by day making mistakes and jumping hurdles makes you appreciate those rough times when you realize that the lesson learned was valuable and essential to your growth into a better person, a better you, a better life. 

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