Day 15 — Given the choice between infinite time or infinite money, I would choose…

You would think with a question like this you wouldn’t have to sit back and question, but actually I did. I had to weigh out the pro’s and con’s of both before I made my decision. My immediate decision was time, because truth be told no one wants to sound greedy saying money. After really thinking about it, I had to change my mind. Infinite time, although it may sound good who would want to live forever alone? The question doesn’t mention that it would be for everyone it says “I”. Every day you have people who suffer from illness and all they want is to be put out of their misery, I would never want to be sick and still have to live forever.

With that said, I choose infinite money. I guess once you compare the two its really not so bad. The thought of not having to struggle financially sounds good. I would’t go out and splurge, I would definitely take care of whats important first, With infinite money, at least I would be in a position to help otters in need.

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 15. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Day 14 — Because my parents never found out, I remember getting away with __________ as a teenager…

Sleepovers EVERY night. A couple of weeks of my life my mom went over her partners house for days straight, you know what new love. While she was away, I would have my new love come over and spend the night. Growing up my mom was pretty strict, she taught me how to conduct myself like a lady and stuff, so most times I couldn’t stay over peoples house because she said “I would wear out my welcome.” My friend used to ride from one end of the island to come and see me. My mom was gone and it felt like I had my own apartment for a few days, it was GREAT!

 

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 14. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

FYI: We ALL have problems. 

Life is like a blanket. Too short.  You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night. 

~Marion Howard

If your human like me, then you have encountered at least one challenging time, where you felt like you could not muster up the strength to take one more step forward. A little over a year ago I didn’t dream that I would have a website that people look forward to reading. I didn’t think I would have an outlet of my own that touched the hearts of others. I never imagined that 2 years ago a simple question would change my entire life… “Are you growing dreads?” My curiosity landed me my love, and it also almost cost me my life.

Two weeks shy of our 2 year anniversary, of being in each others lives, the actual hello that started it all. When I first met her I had no idea what would come out of it, actually I wasn’t expecting anything to come out of it. Something so simple as two strangers speaking to one another turned into a drama filled event that felt like a lifetime. For 2 years we have stood by each others side overcoming each obstacle that was placed before us. No, we didn’t come out on top the same person, nor did we overcome it untouched. Both of us have scars to prove the battles we have won, but it’s those scars that prove what we share was and is worth it. They say when you live your life freely its never easy, and its not. Everyday is a challenge, but what lies in store is worthy of the fight. 2 years ago, we made a choice to risk it all, give up what we had to build a life together. As a team, we are getting through it.

In the beginning we managed to keep a positive attitude, despite the harassment and constant negativity we were facing. Looking back now, I wish we never lost that attitude, but we got caught up in the politics of life, “friends & foes.” Each obstacle has taught us a lesson and filled our tool belt with the necessities to stay afloat. Now as we look back, we are able to see what we did wrong, and we do our best to learn from it, but as imperfect as we are sometimes we make mistakes. I used to constantly ask, “why us, why can’t we just be happy?” I was so busy being consumed by the negativity that that was what I drew into my life. It took one terrible lesson for me to learn one step to solve the issue. No one likes to feel down, everyone deserves to be happy. I am grateful for all that I have. 

How grateful are you? How many times have you felt sorry for yourself, dreaded your current situation? You know how you hear the stories of other peoples lives and its at that point that you realize just how lucky you are. We were watching the Matthew Shepard movie the other day and I was in tears. Although we had both seen it before, the whole story just made me think about everything, reassess my life. I may not have it all, but at least I have air in my lungs and I don’t have to endure hate crimes like that. I may not always see clearly just how grateful I am, but I am making a effort to always remember “It could be worse.” Since the day we held each others hands and walked out of the shadows it has been hard, but each day it gets a little easier.

Everyday I tell her just how grateful I am just to have her in my life, because it really could be worse. We have been blessed to have so many people in our life that actually care, that are actually our friends. People don’t realize that storms don’t last forever, its the hardest battles that gives us the important lessons. Up to this day people still look at me sideways for what happened a few weeks ago, but I say this, don’t pass judgement on me without looking at yourself in the mirror first. Alesha, just keeps telling me, “It’s not how they look at you, its how I look at you.” Sometimes I get in my slumps, but now I focus on the fact that we are together.

We take so much for granted. It isn’t until we don’t have it, or we witness someone living an undesirable life that we get a eyeful of truth. People all over the world are fighting to have Gay rights approved. Just a simple pleasure of being married, and yet the world is still filled with selfish close-minded people who forget what they once endured. The Matthew Shepard story reminded me of that, a boy who got beaten to death because he was gay, went into bar had a drink and then got tied to a fence and was beaten and left to die. In Bermuda, all we want is to have rights, to be treated like a human being. We are so fortunate that we do not have hate crimes like that. I am not saying this to compare or judge others, but putting yourself in someone else’s shoes before passing judgement can be beneficial, and create a more positive approach on how you view your life. 

Since Alesha and I have been together, we have encountered our share of obstacles. We used to complain and question every hardship. “Everything happens for a reason” has become our creed, or words to live by. Its amazing how drastically our lives have changed, but when we remember that it’s a lesson we had to learn we just accept it and smile through it. Learning how to look at your life through a different lens is hard, its almost like being an adult and trying to learn english. No one is perfect, therefore no relationship or life can be perfect, yet we still can’t seem to fathom that. Its our perfectly imperfect lives that gives us meaning and makes us who we are. Yes, when we are faced with hurdle after hurdle and discrimination it makes it that much harder. The will to survive lives within you, you can do this. Living is so much more worthy than just surviving. Shit could be worse, you could be dead. Stressing over petty stuff really isn’t worth it, it jus makes life go by that much faster. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who had so much going on but still had a smile on their face and all you could do was sit there and say “wow”. They are smiling because they realize that life really isn’t that bad, our reaction to life is worse. 

Our less than perfect lives have gotten us this far, it has made us who we are. If you are not the person that you want to be, then make a change. No one wants to hear the famous line “There are people that are going through worse” but unfortunately it is true. Each battle may be different, but those who are going through worse look at it differently. We are so spoiled that we feel that someone will bail us out, lend us a hand to get us out of the mud. Many people out there don’t have a lifeline. They are just grateful for each day they wakeup. Be grateful for what you DO have, focus on the water in your tap, the food on your table, the clothes in your closet, the place you call home. Focus on the air in your lungs, the vision in your eyes, the sounds in your ears, each step that you take, the love in your life, never forget that “Everything happens for a reason, it could ALWAYS be worse.”

 

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle.  But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth.  Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize:  a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child – our own two eyes.  All is a miracle. 

~Thich Nhat Hanh

Day 13 — I once got so drunk and lost control and this is what I was told I did and have no reason to doubt it…

Thankfully, this has only happened once, or should I say, the only time that I have been told about. I once got so drunk that I was told the next day that I was dancing on a bar with a broomstick…. Oh what a night.

It was a girls night out with my sisters and this was the night I went out commando for the first time. We started out with dinner and then the drinking began. It was a night full of shots. We went to 3 different bars and got wasted to say the least. We ended the night at our favorite spot, we were regulars. As the night progressed, and the drinking went on, I really didn’t want the night to end. Its funny when we have those nights when we just wish we could press pause. The music was nice, the vibe was nice and the alcohol was great. I have heard the stories about drinking vodka to forget, well I definitely learned that lesson this night. 

I woke up the next morning in the same clothes from the night before, my throat was swollen, stomach was killing me, I was looking for my purse that I swore was in the car but was by my bed, I was hung over. I have never been hung over like this before, my sisters were teasing me and asking me if I remember the night. I remember everything up until the point were I switched shots with someone…. FYI, bad idea. 

 

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 13. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

If people are trying to bring you down, be proud of it. It only confirms that you’re above them.

I feel like this is something that I need to write on my bathroom mirror in red lipstick. It’s better than looking in the mirror and wondering if what they are saying is true, that is your reminder. Its the slap in the face, talk to the hand statement. I really didn’t realize just how unhappy people are. I am sorry but I can not be one of them. I am putting my spikes on, to run away from drama, suiting up in tights so the wind can’t hold me back. I have had enough of the toxic being released by people like you. 

I am still trying to figure out what it is that they get from it. If you’re so happy, if your life is so great, if you’re supposed to be named “woman”, why waste your “precious time” worrying about me? If I got a penny each time I asked myself this question, I would be in a good position. I don’t get it, I really don’t. In the past month or so I have learned a lot from people, people who are great at pretending to be a friend. I learned that people talking about you is nothing compared to what they whisper. I remember when I would get upset or hurt because it got back to me, but the day I heard about the 3 of them “whispering” about me, I was beyond hurt. Whats so sad is that they had NO conscience whatsoever in what they were saying and who they were talking about. Honestly, how do you talk so badly about someone and then smile up in their face a few seconds later? Fuck, gossipers really are dangerous. People don’t don’t realize the affect their words have on people, maybe its because they feel like it won’t get back to the person. As they say “he who brings a tale takes two away.” 

Don’t let anyone bring you down, or at least try not… I remember when I thought that if I gossiped with them, they won’t gossip about me. Truth is, thats crap, if they gossip with you, they WILL gossip without and about you. Words, in my opinion are the most powerful tool one can use against another. Telling someone not to let it bother them, is really hard. We are emotional beings and unfortunately we were raised believing that we need friends. As a child growing up, you never wanted to be picked on or alienated, so you would do what you had to so that you weren’t. Its all about survival, nothing has really changed. The only difference is that you see how the “friendship” game really works. Everyone has gossiped and talked about someone else but when you won’t sign your name it, then don’t fucking say it. I learned my lesson after I heard what was said about me and others, I realized that the feeling those people made me feel, I would never want anyone else to feel that way at the hands of me. 

Its funny how hypocritical a gossiper is. They spend most of their day talking about others but the minute the roles are reversed they want to call people names. I’m sorry, but were you not just doing the same thing? Why spend your time talking about people you don’t even like, don’t speak to? Your life is supposed to be so much better, so why try to bring others down? Are you feeling lonely down there? On the outside your appearance is spotless but on the inside its total destruction. You’re not happy so you try to make yourself feel better with other peoples downfalls. You would think that knowing how you feel inside, you wouldn’t want anyone else to feel it, but nope your the opposite, you want company. Thats pathetic. People like you make me sick, you feed off of gossip, you need to have something to say and if you, you make it up. I really feel sorry for you. 

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT- Dear Mr/Miss. Mrs. Ms. Gossiper, Fake Friend, Hater, Enemy, I will no longer be your victim. Yes, sometimes you may say things that will have some affect on me, but that is expected because I am human. Are you not human like me? Are your veins not filled with blood? Do you not have air in your lungs? Do you not bleed monthly like me? Fed up is an understatement. I am so tired of people like you. I was once told by someone that I need to start speaking up for myself, well, hello world here I am. I am 24 year old young lady who from time to time goes through hardships, BUT WHO THE HELL DOESN’T. Yes, I am in a same sex relationship, Yes my girlfriend dresses COMFORTABLY, yes I had drama with her ex. Yes, I have a best friend who I call my husband, yes I have imperfections… AND YOUR POINT IS? I guess you’re not human, you’ve never had a hard time, never encountered hurdle after hurdle without a second to breathe. Its funny how people pick on those who they feel is not on the same level as them, but if only walls could talk. People like you judge me, but before you do make sure your hands are clean. Hardships are apart of life. Shit happens. Don’t act like you’re holier than thou. Whispering behind backs, better be careful they may just know word for word what was said. It really is a shame the things people say when given the opportunity to whisper. I always thought that if people were truly happy they wouldn’t need to worry about other people, but like they say “be concerned when they’re not talking about you.” If walls could talk, what would they say about your lives? If you’re reading this and you feel the need to pass it on go ahead do you booboo. This is too much… “PINEAPPLES”. I’m waving my flag. If this bothered you I say this… When a stone is thrown into a pack of dogs, the one hit will holler… As I say DunEenWorryWifIt Because Life Is Complicated Enough. Life really is complicated enough to worry about who is going to try to bring you down next. 

Day 12 — My favorite song to dance and sing to when no one is looking…

Hhhhmmmmmm, this one is hard because I love music and I love to dance. Music is so relaxing, its an escape from the real world. At the top of my head I pick Machel Montano – One More Time. Anyone that knows me, knows that I love soca.  

Soca music puts me in a whole ‘nother’ world, the beats, the lyrics, the accents, I love it all. Machel Montano has won me over, he has a way with his lyrics. Some artist after a while are unable to switch up and sing about different things, Machel can, his songs rarely sound the same. Now I chose his song One More Time because I absolutely love the beat, when I hear it I automatically get excited. I am kind of shy so I am more comfortable dancing alone when no one is looking.

 

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 12. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Day 11 — When I’ve had a really bad day the first thing (not person) I reach for is…

Alcohol or my computer, or both. When I am having a bad day, I usually like to get it off my chest and have a drink. Lately I have been trying not to drink so much so I am trying to get it off my chest. I used to reach for my iPod because the music was an escape but it didn’t really help because I would still keep it in. If I had to choose one it would alcohol first.

Alcohol may be a depressant but it relaxes me and I am able to get it off my chest better, so the words flow freely from the fingers. I try not to have bad days, try not to let people get to me, but it really is easier said than done. Many people say “if they don’t mean anything just brush it off” but sometimes you just can’t. I am the type of person who takes things to heart, so usually stuff gets to me. 

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 11. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Day 10 — The last time I snooped into something I wasn’t supposed to (like a medicine cabinet in a friend’s bathroom), I found…

A sex toy. Incase you ever wondered if adults who have been together for years still use toys, I can vouch for that. I have learned that if I need something I will ask for specific directions, even if its a glass water. The last place I expected to find a sex toy was in the freezer… yup who told me to go looking for food in their fridge.

I know your thinking a “sex toy in the fridge”, well imagine how I felt. The last time I “snooped” at someones house was because I was hungry and I didn’t feel like waiting for them to answer me about what was there to eat. I was pulling everything out looking for food, when something did catch my attention I picked it up and dropped it immediately. I mean I have heard that they have hot and cold toys but I was totally caught off guard. These were older people, I mean to even have that vision in my head was gross!

Trust me, I know now to WAIT! I don’t care if I cut my hand and I’m gushing blood I will not be going in other peoples things. I am still in shock, the freezer, really. All I can say is “Do what you gotta do.”

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 10. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Day 09 — When the cashier gives me this amount of money for change I know it’s too much money to dump in the charity bucket…

Honestly, I don’t usually put change into charity buckets. The only time I even consider it, is for those community groups that are packing groceries for a cause. How do I know if those children on the buckets are even real? 

When I was younger, I used to write the number down, as if I could call and donate my piggy bank; but I would always wonder if it was true. As a child who has someone to care for them, and simple pleasures like running water, it was always weird to see things like that on tv. Years later, and I still wonder if these charities are real. There are so many scams out there right now, and I hate to think that there are people out there to use those less fortunate for their own gain, but there are.

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 9. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??

Day 08 — If I could afford it, the piece of famous artwork you would find in my home is…

There is no famous artwork you would find in my home, but if I had to chose I would choose Bermudian artist Calix Smith. Although, to some he may not be famous and his work may not be a million dollars, he is a great artist. His artwork says a million words, which means more to me than what comes up in Googling “Famous Artist”. I thought about just about every piece of artwork out there that attracts my eye; Andy Warhol, Georgia O’Keeffe, Tee Corrine and so much more. Truth is, is the upcoming artist that catch my eye. Art really is a way of life, and its often those artist that are not that famous that have the most breath taking pieces you’ve ever seen.

Calix Smith, is one of those artist. He is making a name for himself in Bermuda and I WILL have one of pieces soon. With every brush stroke you can feel his passion, each times he signs his name, he is signing a piece of himself to his work. Art to me is the artist’s way of  connecting with the world, leaving their footprint in stone, speaking to the admirer. Calix’s artwork, is a must have, and I must and will have it.

30 Days Of Blogging Honesty and One Dare, Day 8. One word at a time, One truth at a time, One day at time. Can you handle it??