Actually, I blame Hulu. Yes, the television. I know I have the full power to turn it off… but it’s just so easy to catch up on the multiple seasons of Grey’s Anatomy that I’ve missed over the years. {And yes, since February 1 – I’ve pretty much watch all 9 seasons now. Also? I feel like a medical expert.}

As far as providing some sort of update about my life, well…

I won my first DietBet… and entered another, which I’ve been struggling with. I doubt that I’ll win this one and I’ve actually come to terms with it. I need to be able to lose the weight again without that kind of pressure on me. I know I have the absolute support of my family and friends… so I’ve just got to buckle down and do it.

This time last year I was gearing up for BlogHer. And while it was an amazing few days in New York, I chose {because of a number of reasons} not to go this year – even though it is in Chicago. I am watching all my friends’ excitement on twitter and am actually glad that I’m not going. That’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few years… not every conference is for you. Some match you perfectly – others not so much. And I don’t think BlogHer and I are such a great match. I felt lost there and for the cost of the conference, there wasn’t really a lot of content that I took away as new information. I love connecting with friends, but I think it might actually be cheaper for me to do a roadtrip to see friends. {Not to mention that I’ll be able to spend more time with them.}

I’m finally getting to the point after selling my condo where I think I am ready to move. Or at least ready to look at doing so. I’m still not 100% sure where – although I have a place that is much more likely than others. There is a hope inside of me that this all will take place by my birthday {October 1st} or soon after. Starting my year in a new place seems like a great idea.

Lastly… I started a new 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days list. After my original list ended {lackluster-ally?} in March, I felt like I needed to get back into a goal setting rhythm. And I think I will rock this list. Only one major trip on the list… to Europe {specifically, France, Germany, Belgium & the Netherlands} so hopefully I can pull this one off in the next 3-ish years.

What have you been up to while I’ve been neglecting my blog?

There are also times where I find it fun to go around different places online and “dream” about what my wedding announcements would be like. I kind of thought when the time came to get married, I would design/create my own stationary… but after looking around at Minted, I might have to change my mind. They have some great designs on there.

One of my favorites is this wedding invitation “booklet”… it is similar to one that I designed for my brother and sis-in-law’s wedding, but with a little bit of a different twist.

But because I’m not looking at getting married anytime soon… and with other life events happening before this. I decided to look around at some other things on Minted as well.

For example, they have some great baby announcements on there that my brother and sister in law might have to check out with the new baby on the way this July. (This one is soooo cute and kind of my favorite too. Awwwww…)

But for me, the next “life event” that I see in my future is my moving to a new city… and a new place of my own. I honestly have been looking at these (and other) announcements quite a bit lately. I like this one because of it’s simplicity and because it really does say exactly what I feel. It’s a new beginning for me.

So here’s your opportunity. You can win $50 to Minted.com… and it’s easy. Just leave a comment below sharing what you would spend it on if you won!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

This is a sponsored post by Minted.com where I have received credit to purchase announcements of my very own. However, all opinions, statements, facts and imaginations written above are all my own.

And then – as it always does – life happened. I got sidetracked. I stopped working out everyday. I didn’t track what I was eating – and wasn’t always making the best decisions about what I was eating.

But somehow through that diversion, I still maintained my weight. I didn’t lose… but I didn’t gain either.

And now – just as my DietBet challenge is ending – I’m nearly a winner. I am tracking again. I am working out again. I am doing what I need to be doing again. I just hope it’s enough. {As of my near-daily weigh in today I am 1.2 pounds away from where I need to be on Thursday/Friday morning.}

However…

Now I want to eat all the foods everywhere. Even Wendy’s french fries {which I can honestly say that I am NOT a fan of} smelled amazing the other day. Looking through the grocery store ad last night was like food porn. I wish I was kidding.

Oreos. Ice cream. Potato chips. Brownies. Breadsticks. Cupcakes.

Everything I haven’t been having in the past month I am craving. Like seriously craving. And it’s not like I was depriving myself of all the treats in the world. – mostly out of sheer coincidence because I didn’t regularly eat any of it from January til now anyway.

So here I am having lost over 10 pounds so far and all I can do is think about food. All I can do is dream about it.

Because I have 1.2 pounds left to lose… and darn it all, I’m going to win this bet.

When you are trying to lose weight, do you go through this too???

photo credit: Nadmental on Stock.Xchng

I do that sometimes. Or rather more than just sometimes. But it’s my way of processing things.

And somehow through some of the responses I received, clarity grew in me. Not because of them telling me what I “should” or “should not” do, but rather identifying with me. Sharing their lives with me. Understanding that what I was trying to deal with was hard for me.

You see I’ve lived in this small-ish type town for nearly 36 years now. I didn’t even leave for college. I have never lived more than a 15 minute drive from most of my family. While I have a special place in my heart for this town, I don’t see it’s beauty like others do. I see the routines that it has. I see the cliques that form and never really seem to subside despite how some keep saying that “things are getting better” and there really are no cliques. I see the “looks” and judgements that are passed if you do not live in the “normal” way, no matter the road that you are on or how you may be different.

Then this past week, as I sat across from my therapist, I heard her tell me that I finally knew what I wanted… and where I wanted to be next. The reason for the “move” I wanted – as I explained to her in my very first session with her nearly 3 years ago – wasn’t to escape (as I’ve probably described here on my blog in the past.) It was so that I could be near friends that were my community of people. People that WANTED me in their lives… something I so rarely felt even with people I have considered some of my closest friends in this small town.

So I finally came to terms with what I want. And not what I think other people want from me. And you know what? It’s been freeing.

I want my own place… with my cushy over sized chair, an art table in the corner and pictures hanging on the walls.

I want a new city… a place that I can be familiar with but yet feel like I’m learning something new with each passing day.

I want to be near my community of people… those that have opened themselves up to me and like me for being my truly quirky self.

I want to feel like me and not try to to feel like what I think others want me to feel like.

I want to keep “growing” and learning who I am through new experiences.

Through all of this self-discovery in the past week, I found myself thinking about the future in a whole new way. That my next locale may be a stop in my journey. Who knows what is next… but I’m not thinking long term anymore. Doing that took the wind out of my sails and the fire away from my life.

I know that I have a lot more to work on within myself. But this is the start I needed.

I’ve been focusing on this quote for the past 3 weeks. It’s from my (in)Courage daily calendar that sits on my desk at work.

I think it’s been helping me realize a lot of things. Good things. About me and what I need… and don’t need… right now.

Have you found what you want… or don’t want… in your life?

I can honestly say that had some detours not come my way (they always do, I know!) I probably would have hit this milestone sooner. I probably would be well on my way to my next milestone.

The milestone I hit yesterday? I have “officially” lost 10 pounds since my initial weigh in with DietBet.

Ten pounds honestly didn’t seem like that much to me. Yes, it puts me on a road to better living. It puts me back into habits that I need to keep incorporating into my daily life. It keeps me motivated (inside my head that is) to do the next 10 pounds.

And then I put the milestone on Facebook. I noticed right away a few close friends “liking” it… and then a few more… and then, much later I noticed that a large number of people had “liked” it.

I looked through the list – some blog friends, some family, some close friends here, and some friends that I had known from high school and other places – and I imagined this to be a little “cheering section” for me. Each person liking this giving me a thumbs up to keep going.

I still have a bunch of weight to lose… darn close to 150 pounds again… but I know with this kind of support, I can do it. I forgot what this kind of support is like.

And while I didn’t have the Facebook connections the last time I lost this weight, I’m very glad I do now. With nearly 100 people cheering me on – almost 15% of the total number of “friends” I have linked to me – I feel like I can conquer the world.

This post is linked up with Jana’s Stream of Conciousness Sunday…

*As a side note, I totally could have written on Jana’s prompt today about falling out of the habit of doing something… but I’ll save that for another day. *

I have taken lots of first steps in my life. The ones where I was a toddler learning to walk. The ones where I stepped into school for the first time. The ones where I started writing here and discovered a passion to share my words with the world.

All of these steps drastically changed my life.

But none of these steps changed my life as much as the ones when my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in October 2006.

It was that diagnosis that prompted my steps to lose 150 pounds… and is once again my inspiration as I begin my weight loss journey again. Because being healthy reduces your risk.

It was that diagnosis that led to steps totaling nearly 60 miles in 3 days to help raise money for Breast Cancer awareness.

It was that diagnosis that brings me to ask my doctor about preventative screenings beginning this year.

Because of all these steps in my life, I will not be silent about my health anymore. And I will do what I can to advocate for those that need that same quality health care, lifesaving screenings, clean air and so much more.

The American Cancer Society is turning 100 this year on May 22. It’s amazing the work they’ve done so far has contributed to a decline in cancer deaths of 20% since the early 1990′s. That means they’ve save 1.2 million lives in that time.

But their work isn’t over yet. The American Cancer Society continues to make sure that funding happens for lifesaving cancer research and is working to undertake a historic research study (Cancer Prevention Study-3) that will open up the understanding of how to prevent cancer and save lives by enrolling at least 300,000 cross-generational, cross-racial, cross-cultural adults from the United States by the end of this year.

The American Cancer Society is not staying silent. Watch this 90 second video to see more about what they have done and what they are continuing to do.

I won’t be silent going forward. Not for my health or for others. Because we need to reach that point that we see 3 out of 3 people surviving a cancer diagnosis.

Because of the work and research that the American Cancer Society has done in the past 100 years, my mom will be celebrating her 60th birthday with us later this year. And for that I will make lots of happy noise.

Have you been affected by cancer? What steps will you take for your health?

This post is sponsored by the American Cancer Society. The story and thoughts in this post are mine and I’m happy to share them as part of American Cancer Society’s 100th Birthday Celebration.

So here I am. Day 1.

My DietBet “before” picture…

Starting over again… because life is full of renewed chances. This time around, in addition to counting calories (via my fitness pal) and exercising… I’m joining a program called DietBet. I’m excited about what it might offer to me as motivation. I am betting on myself – and how hard I can work – to get this weight off once and for all. Granted I (well, my analytical self) figured out that I need to have 18 consecutive successful DietBet challenges to get back to that goal weight. But to me? That sounds better than losing 150 pounds again.

So here I am. Day 1.

I’m finding more motivation in myself this time again. It happens to me each time I get close or reach the weight I am at now. I realize that I can’t keep living life this way — nor do I want to. I don’t like the looks of pity or the questions of whether I would be able to do something (or “fit” somewhere). I want to be the me that I knew a mere 3-4 years ago when I accomplished the impossible.

So here I am. Day 1.

I’m going to accomplish the impossible again. I’m going to do the things I did the last time. I’m going to be the person I know I can be. I’m going to be someone I can be proud of.

And frankly, I’m going to win my DietBet money back.

**************
GO

The last few days here have been rainy. Not only on the outside, but also in my soul.

I’ve been feeling down again.

I don’t know why. I don’t even know where the “down-ness” came from. Because it’s about so many of the things I wouldn’t ever expect it to be about.

So I’m wondering… is God working in me to make me move forward again?

That’s the only plausible (in my head at least) idea that I can even come to terms with. I’ve been happy for the last 8 weeks. I’m content in so much of my life. My head and heart are aligned as to what the next steps have to be.

The sale of the condo was hard on me. Harder than I expected it would have been. But it was the right thing to do. It was what I had to do.

So my heart now wonders – is God preparing me for something new? Is there a next step I should be looking for? Where will this next step take me?

And my head wonders how this will all happen. How I can make all of this work if this is indeed the time to do something?

I know God will make everything come together. I just have to let go of my want and need to plan.

Yeah.

STOP

************

What have I learned?

• There are 27 million slaves around the world right now. Yes, even in the USA.
• There are more slaves right now than at any other point in human history.
• Roughly 200,000 of these slaves are in the USA. No state in the USA is immune.
• 50% of all slaves are kids. 80% are female.

So today, I am wearing a red “X” on my hand to bring awareness to this. I’m writing this post. I’m sharing on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

But I can’t believe at this moment, with as blessed as I am, that this will be the end of my involvement.

SLAVERY HAS GOT TO END.

Watch this 2 minute video… I hope it changes your heart. I hope together we can make a difference.

Want to do more?

• Wear a red X on your hand today.
• Go read more at End It Movement.
• Pray.
• And – if you can – give.

Together we can shine a light on an issue that our country said was wrong in 1863. We knew it wasn’t right then. We know it’s not right now.

Will you help?