California

In 1992, the California legislature adopted an algebraic formula to calculate child support. Because of the complexity of the formula, most judges and family law attorneys use computer programs based on the California Child Support Guidelines to do the calculations. The calculator programs provide only an estimated amount; the Court Commissioner or Family Law Judge has the authority to consider additional factors that may affect the final amount of support ordered.

The guidelines are based both on each parent’s gross monthly income, and the amount of time the child is cared for by each parent. Income from all sources is considered, even if it is not reported or taxed under federal and state law. Examples of income sources are:

• Wages from a job
• Tips
• Commissions
• Bonuses
• Self-employment earnings
• Unemployment benefits
• Disability and workers’ compensation benefits
• Interest
• Dividends
• Rental income
• Social Security or pensions
• Any payments or credits due or becoming due, such as lottery and prize winnings

The income is calculated by subtracting certain items from each parent’s income, including:

• Mandatory union dues
• Mandatory retirement contributions
• Health premiums
• Child or spousal support actually being paid
• Costs of raising children from another relationship

Additional factors that may affect the final amount of support are:

• health care insurance costs for the child
• medical costs which are not covered by insurance
• child care costs that are employment related or reasonably necessary for the education or training for employment skills of a party
• visitation travel expenses
• any special educational needs

Illinois

Unlike California, Illinois currently bases the amount of child support on the non-custodial parent’s net income and the number of children for which he or she is responsible. There is a guideline for the minimum percentage of that net income, such as 20% for one child up to 50% for six or more children. However the financial resources and needs of both the child(ren) and the parents may be taken into account if the guideline amount is deemed inappropriate after considering the best interest of the child(ren). The income sources and deductions rules are similar to California’s.

However, state officials have proposed a big change to the way Illinois calculates child support. If this change is adopted this year, it likely would not take effect for two or three years. If that happens, Illinois would abandon its “percentage of income” formula which dates from the 1980s and join the majority of other states to use an “income shares” formula, which approximates how much it would cost for the parents to jointly raise a child, and then ensures that the child is supported by that amount. Proponents claim that the old model doesn’t take into account the realities of many modern families (such as shared custody), and adopting the new system would be more fair and workable for most families.

In conclusion

While California and Illinois provide a comparison of how child support is calculated in different states, the child support guidelines and calculations can differ widely from state to state, so it is important to consult a family law professional to make sure you understand how it works in your area. It is also very important to understand that if you agree on an amount of child support, most states will honor your agreement no matter what guideline is.  You can contact a Divorce With Dignity affiliate (findaprovider.dwdignity.com) near you to learn more about child custody and other issues affecting your divorce agreement. Let us help you through the difficult divorce process – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Travelled, defines unhealthy dependency as “the inability to experience wholeness or to function adequately without the certainty that one is being actively cared for by another”. We all have needs for emotional nourishment including love, appreciation, kindness and emotional support. But when we pin all our expectations on one person to fulfill all those needs, we not only put undue pressure on that person, but we give up our own sense of control and identity. In that case, there is a tendency to define ourselves solely by our marriage relationship. When you start to think that you just can’t live without the other person, or that if you are not somebody’s spouse you don’t know who you are, it’s time to look inward for answers to why you feel this way.

When we learn to love ourselves in spite of our shortcomings, we don’t need the approval or attention from another person in order to feel worthy and valuable. We can learn to trust our own feelings and not be afraid of rejection. Talking about these issues with a therapist and/or a support group can help to overcome the fears that are at the basis of unhealthy emotional dependency.

Financial dependency can be another hurdle to overcome in order to leave an unhappy marriage. Getting some financial control in one’s life can sometimes seem overwhelming, but there are ways to do this. A financial counselor, financial analyst, or financial coach can help you get clarity on your current situation and identify steps you can take to increase your income, decrease your spending, and get control of emotional issues around money that may be holding you back from achieving financial independence. They can also teach you about budgeting and financial planning so you can become more confident in your ability to take care of yourself.

Overcoming unhealthy dependence on another person, whether emotional or financial, can be achieved with professional help. When these issues are being dealt with, it gives you the freedom to make the best decision for you about whether to leave an unhappy marriage. And if you decide that divorce is the right decision for you, we are here to help.

Our primary goal at Divorce With Dignity is to assist you in getting through the divorce process in the most peaceful and economical way possible. The divorce support we offer includes referring you to whatever kind of professional help you may need in your unique situation, such as therapists, financial counselors, divorce coaches, etc. We can also help you to understand assets and other monetary matters to consider so you and your spouse can cooperatively work out a divorce agreement that is fair to both parties, and we will file the all the legal papers for you  - all at a very reasonable cost. Contact one of our Divorce With Dignity affiliates (findaprovider.dwdignity.com) to learn more about how we can help you “pull it all together” to achieve the independence you need to forge a happier life – with dignity.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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In this article we are sharing the experience of one of our clients regarding finances and budgeting when she decided to go through the process of legal separation from her husband.

What were your financial circumstances when you decided to separate – did both you and your spouse have separate incomes?

I was working full time; he was only working part time and not strongly looking for another position. I had the bulk of the financial responsibility. We had been married almost 20 years, but it was time to go our separate ways. I didn’t want to divorce him because I wanted him to still be eligible for medical benefits on my insurance. So I decided on a legal separation.

Did you put money aside before definitely deciding on the separation?

A little, but not very much. It was hard to save money because of the financial strain he was putting on me, but I worked hard to put money aside because the separation was important to me.

Did you consider hiring a lawyer?

I investigated that – some friends had referred me to some lawyers. But at the $300 per hour they charged, I knew it was impossible for me to afford to hire one.

How did you learn about Divorce With Dignity (www.dwdignity.com)?

A friend recommended it. They had used the service for their divorce and were very pleased with how it came out.

Did your Divorce With Dignity provider help you with budgetary matters?

She met with both me and my spouse and helped us to draft the marital settlement for the separation, which of course involved some financial issues. I also appreciated that she was very patient with me and allowed me to make payments as we went along instead of asking for all the money up front.

Did she refer you to any financial support professionals?

She recommended a few, but I didn’t go at the time because I felt confident since I was basically paying for everything as it was and was doing it ok. I knew I could handle it on my own. Eventually, though, I did meet with a financial planner just to make sure I was on the right track, and found out I wasn’t as bad off as I thought I was.

Do you have any financial / budgeting advice for someone who is considering separation or divorce?

Put away as much money as you can as soon as you can.

If you are working, separate your financial accounts and close any joint credit cards or have your name removed from them. Otherwise your spouse can steal you blind. When I made the decision to separate, I immediately separated our accounts. I left him the joint account and opened a new one for myself only. I also recommend that you remove all checkbooks and credit cards from the house. I gathered mine and stored them in a secure place at work, but apparently I missed one. He found it and ran up a $2,000 bill.

Our Divorce With Dignity Network providers understand that each divorce or legal separation is unique and the finances and budgeting involved can be complex. We are here to help you work through this process, providing referrals to financial support professionals if needed. Our goal is to help you achieve an amicable divorce or legal separation that is affordable. Visit us at findaprovider.dwdignity.com to find a Divorce With Dignity provider in your area.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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To get the best perspective on the financial consequences of various options in a divorce settlement, Divorce With Dignity providers (findaprovider.dwdignity.com) often advise clients to work with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA). CDFAs have specialized training in financial issues pertaining to divorce, and can help forecast the short and long-term effects of different divorce settlement scenarios, empowering clients to make informed decisions about their future.

Susan Campbell, Principal of Buena Vista Financial Resources (www.BVFinancialResources.com), is a CDFA who also has over 20 years experience as a Certified Financial Planner. I often refer my clients to her, and I asked her for some advice on long-term financial planning for divorce.

What are some implications of focusing only on the present/short-term financial arrangements (and ignoring the long-term issues)?

One of the most common scenarios is that one of the spouses wants to keep the house, and so they trade off other assets in order to do this. But what often happens is that they end up going through their savings and run up their credit cards due to unplanned expenses for maintenance. A CDFA can help determine what the costs of keeping the house will be.

Another thing divorcing couples often do is fail to recognize that their relationship is likely to change over the years. A couple may be amicable now, but a few years later one of them could remarry and the new spouse may have very different feelings about some of the financial arrangements. That’s why it is so important to make sure your divorce agreement is complete. Five years from now you won’t be able to go back and say, “Oh, I made a mistake,” and make changes.

We help focus the conversation on the long-term and help people remove the emotion that is always present in these conversations. I tell people to “put on your business hat” and treat this as a negotiation.

What are some of the considerations that are often overlooked in the financial aspects of a divorce settlement?
The most common one I see is when someone has a pension. Those accounts are not the same as an IRA and must be valued by a pension valuation company. You may know how much you will get at retirement, but it is difficult to determine the current value of the pension for purposes of a divorce settlement.

Do you have one piece of financial advice that you’d like to offer someone who is contemplating divorce?

Focus on the long-term; with planning, future problems can be avoided.

Remember that there is rarely one “perfect” solution that will work for both of you, so know what your priorities are and be willing to compromise. There is one “pie” that now needs to be split, and you don’t each get your own whole pie.

The providers in the Divorce With Dignity Network are dedicated to assisting our clients according to their unique needs as we guide them through the divorce process. As part of our service, we can refer them to specialists like CDFAs for more in-depth help. If you are contemplating divorce, we urge you to get the planning help you need to ensure your best possible future. Learn more about how we can help you get through your divorce with careful preparation – and dignity – at findaprovider.dwdignity.com. 

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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1) Gather as much documentation as you can.

The types of document to gather (originals or copies) include your most recent:

• Tax returns (last 3-5 years) & W2’s
• Bank statements
• Credit card statements
• Credit reports
• Investment account statements
• Retirement account statements
• Deeds
• Mortgage statements
• Property tax bills
• Loan papers
• Insurance records

2) Determine what you own.

Create an inventory of all your possessions, making notes about what belonged to each spouse before the marriage and what was purchased after. If you have receipts for any major purchases, make copies of those. Make a list of the possessions you want to retain.

3) Determine all sources of income.

This includes paychecks, business income, bonuses, cash “under the table”, stock options, what is being deferred into retirement accounts, etc. for both you and your spouse.

4) Determine what you owe.

Check your credit report for outstanding debts. Get statements showing the balance due on all those accounts. Obtain information about all loans.

5) Create a preliminary budget of what expenses you will incur during the divorce.

Obtaining the divorce –

• Filing fees
• Attorney fees (expensive!) or the much lower costs of a divorce support professional (like a Divorce With Dignity provider – findaprovider.dwdignity.com)

Getting the professional support you need –

• Emotional
• Financial
• Coaching
• Children’s needs

Housing costs incurred for –

• Selling the home
• One or both spouses moving to a new place
• Setting up a new household

6) Create a preliminary budget for what you will need to live on after the divorce.

One of the biggest problems divorcing couples face is how to maintain the same standard of living after the divorce. Going from one budget to two budgets on the same income can be tricky. You may have to think of creative alternatives, such as home sharing, getting a better-paying job, selling some assets for temporary income as you train for a new career, or lowering your standard of living. Besides the costs of maintaining a household, you may also need to take into account the following -

• Children – school/tuition, extracurricular activities, childcare, health insurance premiums, health care costs not covered by insurance, child support expenses
• Spousal/Alimony support – will one party need financial help from the other? If so, how much and for how long?

Think about the most you want to have and your bottom line, because you’ll probably end up somewhere in the middle.

7) Accumulate some cash.

You will need money to live on, pay for the divorce, and perhaps hire legal, financial or mental health professionals to support you through the divorce. There may also be costs for moving and acquiring a new place to live. Start to save some cash each week.

8) Get professional financial support, if needed.

If you have a lot of assets, debt, or complex tax considerations, you will likely need help from a financial professional. Divorce With Dignity can provide referrals for the type of help you need, including Certified Public Accountants, Certified Divorce Financial Analysts, Credit Counselors, and Financial Coaches.

There are so many things to think about when preparing for a divorce. Finances are only one aspect, but it is a major one. Get a handle on this before doing anything else, and it will make things easier in the long run.

Getting a divorce doesn’t have to cost you a ton of money. Let us help you discover your options and get through your divorce – with dignity!  Learn more at findaprovider.dwdignity.com.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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It is very important to get them some help whether or not they show signs of stress. Many children will hold things inside that can fester and grow into big problems down the road. Some will think that the divorce is somehow their fault, even if they do not express this to you. Be sure to tell them that the divorce is definitely not their fault, and express your and your spouse’s continued love for them. And get them some help. Talking with a school counselor, social worker, or therapist can give children a way to express their feelings and get emotional support. Participating in groups or programs specifically for children whose parents are going through divorce can also be of great benefit.

One such organization is Kids’ Turn, located in the San Francisco Bay Area. They are a non-profit group that helps families through parental separation. Their motto is “Putting kids in the center of healing, not in the middle of conflict.” Services are free for the children, and the parents pay on a sliding fee basis. No family is turned away due to inability to pay.

In addition to professional help, there are things parents can do to provide emotional support and ease the stress of the divorce on their children. One information resource with great advice for helping children cope with divorce is KidsHealth.

Some tips from their website are:

• Encourage honesty. Let them know that their feelings are important to you, and that they can tell you whatever they’re thinking.
• Help them put their feelings into words. You might notice some changes in their behavior that can indicate feelings of sadness or anger. You might say, “It seems as if you’re feeling sad right now. Do you know what’s making you feel so sad?” Then really listen, even if what they say is difficult for you to hear.
• Legitimize their feelings. Let them know what they are feeling is valid and understandable.
• Offer support. Ask them what they think might help them feel better. If they don’t know, you could suggest some ideas such as sitting close together for awhile, holding a favorite stuffed animal, or drawing a picture.
• Keep yourself healthy. Find ways to manage your own stress and emotions. Getting exercise and enough sleep can support your physical and emotional health, which enables you to take care of your children’s needs. Talking with a counselor or religious leader, finding a support group, or working with a therapist can also be a big help.

One important way to reduce the emotional burden of the divorce on your children is to avoid an adversarial litigated divorce and instead work together to have your divorce be as peaceful as possible. At Divorce With Dignity, you will find a safe place to talk about your divorce, understand your options, learn how to create a divorce agreement that is fair to all parties, and get through the divorce process – with dignity.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions
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For many people, living arrangements during the divorce process are dictated by financial concerns and they opt to stay in the same house for awhile. But when Amy decided to divorce, she felt she needed to get out of the home as soon as possible. The environment had become “toxic” for her so staying was just not an option. Her daughter was away at college, but her son was still living with them. She offered him the choice of living with his father or moving out with her. He chose to stay, since his father “had no rules”, a situation that appealed to the teenage boy.

Moving out was tough on her. She did not get to see her son on a regular basis, and she was suddenly alone, without family around her. It was a very lonely time for her. I asked Amy how she coped – “a lot of prayer and meditation, spending a lot of time with a lot of close girlfriends, and talking with [my Divorce With Dignity provider]”. During these talks, she says, “I was able to allow my emotions to come through and be sad and cry”.

It was very challenging financially as well. She was working full time, but still had to dip into her savings and 401k to make ends meet. She offers some advice to people who are in the process of deciding to leave – “be very intensely focused on building up savings”.

There were also some definite advantages to her moving out. Not only did Amy get herself out of the toxic situation with her spouse, but she was able to concentrate on what she needed to do. “I was now on my own, so I wasn’t mothering anyone or being a wife to anyone, so I could just take care of me.”

So how did her Divorce With Dignity provider help her through the decisions and legal necessities of her divorce, in addition to the emotional issues?

“She was very caring and very insightful. She explained what was going on and always gave me different options to consider. It’s run in a very professional way, and she did everything she said she would do in a timely way, so we got through the paperwork quickly. I received compassion and knowledge in a loving, calm, serene environment. I had been through a previous divorce using divorce lawyers. The atmosphere [at Divorce With Dignity] was like night and day compared to a lawyer’s office, where you talk mainly to clerks and secretaries, and spend very little time with the attorney. Plus it [Divorce With Dignity] cost me a lot less than the $20,000 I spent using lawyers in my previous divorce.”

If you are considering divorce and would like to talk with someone in a peaceful environment about what decisions need to be made, what your options are, and how the divorce process works, I invite you to contact your nearest Divorce With Dignity provider. Let us help you figure out the best way to get through your divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions
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If you decide to litigate in divorce court, then both you and your spouse will need to hire divorce lawyers. They will expect an up-front retainer fee which can range from $500 to $10,000. The hourly rate of the attorney will be deducted from the retainer, and once that retainer amount is exhausted, you will need to pay more money to keep the lawyer working on your case.

Most lawyers charge an hourly rate, which can depend on their experience and the geographical location of their practice. Fees can range from $100 to $450 per hour. If your attorney takes an extremely adversarial approach, the time in court can really mount up. Although the average litigated divorce runs about $20,000, costs can easily double or triple depending on the lawyer and on how much conflict there is between you and your spouse on issue resolution. If there is a child custody battle, your expenses multiply as the court may require you to pay for psychiatric evaluations, expert witnesses, and possibly a “guardian ad litem” who may be appointed by the court to advocate the best interests of the child.

The good news is that if both spouses are in agreement on most issues, and are willing to work together to resolve the ones still in conflict, there is a better and less expensive way to divorce than litigation. Using a divorce legal services professional, like one of our Divorce With Dignity providers, will save you literally thousands of dollars while helping you to part amicably and in a dignified manner. Depending on your circumstances, your cost with us can range from $1,000 to $2,000 plus court fees.

Saving money by working with a Divorce With Dignity provider will really help to offset the other costs associated with a divorce. For one thing, there is usually a drastic reduction in income when spouses go their separate ways and have to maintain separate dwellings, so avoiding costly litigation and long drawn-out court proceedings is in everyone’s best financial interest.

Remember there are also emotional costs in any divorce. Divorce With Dignity can help to minimize these by guiding you through the divorce process with compassion and understanding, helping you with divorce planning that is fair to both spouses and the children, providing referrals (if needed) to other service providers such as mediators and therapists, and showing you how to get through your divorce as peacefully as possible. Getting a divorce doesn’t have to cost you lots of time, money, and undue emotional stress. Let us help you get through your divorce – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

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One tool that can help is an Internet-based program called ShareKids specifically designed to help manage joint child custody and co-parenting. Serving families throughout the United States and beyond, it facilitates communication and planning for the welfare of the children.

Information in the centralized data repository is kept secure by a comprehensive permissions system, which allows sensitive data to be marked as “private” (viewable only by the creator) or “shared” (accessible by other members on the account). That way, selected information can be shared with relatives, counselors, teachers, coaches, and guardian ad-litems.

ShareKids provides an infrastructure for managing such information as –

• Mail messaging and correspondence
• Appointments
• Events and activity scheduling
• Color-coded shared custody, visitation, and vacation schedules
• School schedules
• Homework assignments
• Financial accounting for shared expenses and child or spousal support
• Medical insurance information
• Medication schedules and prescription tracking
• Rules regarding court orders and other agreements
• Important documents, such as copies of birth certificates, immunization shot records, etc.
• Personal contacts/address book
• Personal diary/incident logbook
• Photo albums and photo galleries
• And much more…

Plus, new features are added regularly in response to client requests. Registration is free, and once registered, the client will be asked to define the co-parent, the children, and the shared schedule calendar. Parents pay a nominal fee per month (currently $15) and discounts are given if prepaid for a full year. There is no additional charge for guests who are added to the account. Parents who are truly strapped financially can contact ShareKids who will work out some arrangement. Go to their site to learn more about ShareKids.

Managing the many aspects of shared custody and co-parenting will help to minimize stress and conflicts – for the parents and the children. Having all the important information organized in one place, and having the ability to share that information between the spouses as well as with selected others in a secure environment, promotes good communication and peace.

At Divorce With Dignity, we are all about helping you getting through your divorce with peace and dignity, and helping you find the tools to maintain that peace and dignity after the divorce as well. In addition to guiding you through the divorce process and filing the divorce papers for you, part of our service is to provide you with as many referrals as you need to address the issues in your unique situation. Besides tools for co-parenting, such as ShareKids, we can also refer clients to services such as mediators, divorce/life coaches, therapists, financial counselors, movers, and more. To find a provider near you, please visit us at findaprovider.dwdignity.com.

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice. The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned. Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions

We spoke with Sara about what it is like to work with a divorce coach, and some of our conversation can be found in a previous blog posting (Achieve A Peaceful Divorce, Create The Life You Want, http://dwdignity.com/blog/emotional-effects-of-divorce/achieve-a-peaceful-divorce-create-the-life-you-want/).   More of our conversation is addressed in this article.

What problems do you often see come up for people going through a divorce?

When you go through a divorce your identity has been irrevocably changed. People often feel “lost”. This is where my training as a coach comes in – I can help you get really clear about what makes you uniquely you – your values, feelings, how you want to be remembered when you’ve left this life.  It sounds simple, but it is actually complex. I can support you in identifying what you want in your life, and then challenge you to take the next step toward your goal.

Can you give a few gems of wisdom or advice to those who are feeling lost, or who may feel they have lost their identity as well as their marriage?

I’d like to start with a story about a king who commissioned a metal worker to create something that would make him feel sad when he was happy, and happy when he felt sad. So the worker made him a ring that was inscribed “This too shall pass.” Even though you may feel lost, you are never completely lost – you will find your way. When you look back on your life to other major traumas or setbacks you’ve had, you may be able to see the meaning or the purpose of it now. And remember you did find your way through it.

At Divorce With Dignity (findaprovider.dwdignity.com), we offer you a safe place for you to talk about your unique divorce situation, and can provide referrals to as many other kinds of assistance as you need to help you through this very difficult time. Our mission is to support you and guide you through the divorce maze to achieve a more peaceful and much less costly divorce than through litigation, and to make sure you have access to other services you may need to achieve your goals and start your new life – with dignity!

The author of this blog is not an attorney and the information contained in these blogs should not be considered legal advice.  The information provided here is based on the experience of the author and some of her clients whose actual names are not mentioned.  Do not hesitate to seek the advice of an attorney if you have any legal questions