A few minutes later I met Marvin, an Amish farmer with hands rougher than concrete, looked me up and down with mud up to my knees, globs of mud stuck to my shoes and a filthy arm, he said simply, “Muddy out here.” I have to imagine that’s Amish for “city boy”.

I came out to the farm with Ariella Rebak owner of Green Pastures Poultry, a company selling local pasture raised poultry to the general public. A mom of 3 and a former lawyer, Ariella got started on her mission a few years back after reading Michael Pollan’s “An Omnivore’s Dilemma” when she started up a CSA with fruits and vegetables from local farmers.

It wasn’t long before CSA members were asking for chicken as well and Ariella saw a business opportunity. She worked with the same local farmers who provided vegetables for her CSA to add naturally raised poultry to their farms. A few years later, it turns out to be a boon for both parties:

Ariella and her customers get fresh, local poultry that was pasture raised. The animals are treated well throughout their lives and while they do eat some grain, their diets can include anything they find to eat in the fields: bugs, weeds, clover, worms, all kinds of deliciousness. When eating these things, it takes the birds a little bit longer to grow, but this causes the birds to be more nutritious and, many argue, better tasting.

Another important benefit for Green Pasture’s customers is that they have a clear line to where their poultry comes. When they pick-up their birds from Ariella at a farmers market, they can rest assured knowing that she picked up the bird they were buying from the farmer, witnessed it’s slaughter and is now selling it to them. That’s one person between them and the farmer. How many people are between you and the chicken you purchase from the grocery store?

The farmers raising the poultry win too in this scenario. By adding pasture raised poultry to their farms they have another profitable resource they can sell for income. In many cases, it provides enough extra income to prevent them from having to earn money off the farm, and considering these are almost exclusively family farms, that means they can spend more time with their families.

Having pastured birds on the farm has ecological benefits as well. As the birds roam the fields they are continually fertilizing the field and their constant scratching provides for a kind of aeration that helps for future plant growth. On the day I was on Marvin’s farm, he had his turkeys in the garden where he grows vegetables for local CSAs. They were picking his dying tomato plants clean of green tomatoes and had finished off any straggling peppers that hadn’t ripened enough for Marvin to use.

And I must say, the turkeys looked pretty damn happy too. I mean, one did seem a bit upset about all this quantative easing business, but other than that, it seemed like a pretty sweet turkey life. Granted their all gonna be toast in about 3 weeks, in the meantime they can go pretty much wherever they’d like, eat a lot of great bugs and generally live it up until that time comes. So I’m thinking they like this arrangement as well.

I think one of the best parts about Ariella’s whole mission is that she’s selling these amazing birds to the public. If you’d like to get in on that sweet happy turkey action, especially for Thanksgiving, now is the time to order from Ariella. You can place an order for a turkey on her website or you can give her a call at 216-255-1343. She’s a super nice lady doing some really great things for local food in Northeastern Ohio and that is someone I’m happy to support.

• Lucky Penny Farm Creamery
• Pick Your Own Strawberries in Northeastern Ohio
• Buy Local, Eat Well. Buy Local Week July 3-10
• OnCor Sliced Turkey and Gravy
• North Union Farmer’s Market – Spring Benefit

I know what you’re saying. Gourmet pizza, in Chardon? Are you smoking doobies Mark? Alas, I am not.

A few weeks ago the old lady and I were out with our son in beautiful Geauga county when we passed through Chardon Square and saw people waiting on the sidewalk for Noce. My first thought was that they must be giving something away with a John Deere logo on it, we were in Chardon after all.

We were welcomed inside with the rich smell of garlic, down a short hallway to the maitre de’s stand. Once we saw the size of the place, it was no longer a surprise there were people waiting outside. There were maybe 5 or 6 small tables tightly packed into the dining area, everyone of them filled.

Since we had brought a two year old who wasn’t interesting in waiting for pizza, regardless of how awesome it may be, we made the decision to get it to go. Trying decide on just one of the pizzas on the menu was tough, every one of them sounded delicious, but I settled on the sausage-mushroom-gorgonzola-garlic pizza.

Oh shit that was good pizza. All of the topping were of very high quality, especially the sausage which met my ridiculously high “fat man” standards. The combination of all the flavors was perfect with the salty richness of the sausage being cut by the tangy cheese and sweet pieces of roasted garlic. Crispy crust on the thin-side made for an excellent base. One of the best pizzas I’ve had in a very long time.

Check out Noce Pizza in Chardon, they are right on the square.

Noce Gourmet Pizzeria
125 Main St.
Chardon, OH 44024
440-279-0303

• California Pizza Kitchen – Lyndhurst, Ohio
• Master Pizza – Painesville, Ohio
• McNulty’s Bier Market in Downtown Cleveland
• Tasty Pizza – Lyndhurst, Ohio
• Best Pizza in Cleveland – Mamma Santa’s

Yesterday if you saw my post about “The Coffee Catcher” and were lusting after one, well go buy one you cheap bastard! Or you can win one. I’ve got two to give away and I’ll give one to a commenter on this post and another to anyone that tweets this:

Yeah, he’s fat but he’s got such nice hips. http://goo.gl/7lNl @eatingcleveland #imonlydoingthistowinsomething

Awesome, I know. You can enter once via each method. Contest ends on Friday at 5:00p.m.

CONTEST CLOSED!

• Win a Copy of Michael Symon’s New Book – Live to Cook
• Recipe Contest
• The Coffee Catcher – Product Review
• Coffee Addict – Are you one of us?
• Contest Reminders

I’ve even pondered with issue with my co-workers, suggesting that there must be a better way. My idea was the “Coffee Press Condom”, which may possibly need a different name, but it would fit into the carafe, the grounds would go into it and when you were done you’d pull out the condom and toss it in the trash. Ok, it’s not the greatest idea in the world, but it would work.

However, thanks to the guys over at Kaffeolgie my “Coffee Press Condom” will never see the light of day. That’s because they came out with the “Coffee Catcher” which is essentially a mesh disk that you put in the bottom of your coffee press before adding the grounds. It then sits on the bottom during brewing and when it’s time to clean up you pull it up and all the grounds come up with it. Stainless steel sweetness.

They were nice enough to send over a couple so that I could see how they work. In order to get the disk in and out, there is a little detachable handle that slides into some tabs to secure it. I thought that this would turn out to be the downfall of this device, how are you ever going to find those holes when it’s covered with coffee grounds? Well, if you line them up with the spout, it’s actually pretty easy to find and lock into place.

I gave it a shot this evening and it worked pretty darn well. I had a bit of trouble maneuvering the handle off the tabs once it was in the press and when I pulled the grounds out some got stuck on the rim of the press. I think like anything else though, once you do it a couple of times it will become second nature and you’ll wonder how you ever got along without it.

It’s pretty neat little product that fills a need, so I’m down with it. If you’d like to get one for yourself you can do so from their website or they are also available on Amazon. They have also given me a few to give away to readers to keep your eyes out for the contest later this week.

• Bodum 8 Cup Coffee Press – Product Review
• How to Use a Coffee Press – With Pictures
• Coffee Addict – Are you one of us?
• Boo to Oxo Good Grips
• How to Make Homemade Corn Tortillas

I am one cheap S.O.B., this fact is not secret. But what I really like is getting an awesome deal. I will shop around for weeks or even months to find the best deal on whatever I’m buying. And then, because I am an arrogant ass, I will tell EVERYONE I know how smart I am because I saved $4 on a cheese grater. “Oh you, paid full price for your cheese grater? SUCKER!” God, that feels so awesome.

There is also something to be said for getting a good deal that’s no work whatsoever, and that’s why I like the Cleveland restaurant deals site idineDeals Cleveland. Every day they have a new restaurant deal for restaurants in Cleveland and the surrounding areas. For example, as I’m writing this they have a deal running for Chester’s Legacy Tavern (OMG ITS SO CLOSE TO MY HOUSE) where you can buy a $35 gift certificate for $15. I pretty much suck at math, but even I know that’s too awesome to pass up.

And that’s all this site is: great deals on Cleveland restaurants. No more hunting around for coupons or waiting for specials, this is a new deal every day. You’ll be leveraging group buying power to get these big discounts. But you have to act fast when you see a deal that catches your eye though – there is only a limited number of each available.

idineDeals is also great way to try new restaurants all over Cleveland and those certificates would make some mighty fine gifts (especially for your favorite fat blogger). If you want to keep an eye on idineDeals Cleveland for Cleveland restaurant discounts you can follow them on Twitter, become their fan on Facebook or do what I do and add them your your RSS reader.

idineDeals Cleveland

idineDeals Cleveland is sponsoring this post by providing compensation to the author.

• Restaurant Coupons – 5 Ways to Find Them Online
• Our Town and All Around – Coupon Book
• Twitter as a Tool for your Tummy
• Opentable.com Review
• Advertise with Eatingcleveland.com

They estimate that 66 million pounds of sheep’s cheeses are imported to this country every year, yet very little sheep cheese is produced in the United States.  

The Ohio Sheep Milk and Cheese initiative is trying to determine if the potential exists to make raising milk sheep in Ohio a valuable endeavor. Give them a hand and fill out this quick survey, especially if you are a chef or food business owner.

Ohio Sheep Milk and Cheese Survey

If you’re interested in finding out more about the Ohio Sheep Milk and Cheese Initiative head on over to their website.

• Lucky Penny Farm Creamery
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• Help Out Most Valuable Kids
• Mayfield Catering and Restaurant – Go! Bistro

I’ll admit until I went on my low-carb diet a few months back, I couldn’t stand cottage cheese. It was something they served in hospitals for sick people and I was not sick. Even the name sucks: Cottage cheese. Whenever I think of cottages I can’t help but think of those shitty paintings by Thomas Kinkaid. “Painter of light” my ass. You paint ugly pictures of imaginary places for old women.

But then I went on my low-carb diet and found that there isn’t a damn thing to snack on! So I settled on cottage cheese a couple of times and found that the stuff is pretty tasty.

I thought I’d take a shot at making it myself and I must say there is nothing as luxurious as homemade cottage cheese. It’s got a super fresh taste that can’t be matched by anything at the supermarket.

*A side note: While it tastes amazing, making cottage cheese at home is a lot of work. It take a long time and it’s more expensive than buying it from the store. So if you’re cheap, lazy and generally busy, you should buy your cottage cheese.

Homemade Cottage Cheese

1/4 Tablet Junket Rennet
1/2 Cup Water
1 Gallon Skim Milk
1/4 Cup Buttermilk
1 teaspoon Salt
1/3 Cup Heavy Whipping Cream

 
1. Crush Your Junk(et) – Rennet is a enzyme found in the stomach of calves that enables them to break down the milk from their mother. We’re gonna use it to do the same thing here. Adding this to our milk is going to separate the curds from the whey.

Take one tablet out of the package and cut it in half. And cut it in half again. With your 1/4 of a tablet, take the back of a spoon and crush it in a small bowl. Then add the 1/2 Cup of water to dissolve the rennet. Set aside.

2. Pump and Dump – In a stainless steel stockpot big enough to hold a gallon of milk, add your gallon of skim milk. Turn your stovetop onto medium heat and stir the milk. We need to get the milk to 70° and we need to know when it gets there so using a thermometer is crucial. I use a probe thermometer with a pot clip to ensure the temperature is just right. Stirring will prevent scorching on the bottom.

Once you’ve hit 70°, stir in the 1/4 of Buttermilk and your Rennet mix from earlier. The live cultures in the buttermilk will help to flavor the cheese, but it and the rennet need some time to work. Take your pot off of the stove, cover with a towel and let sit at room temperature for 12 – 24 hours.

3. Little Miss Muffet was a Trollip – With any luck you should now be left with something that look like a big jello blob in clear liquid. That my friends is curds and whey. You can ensure you’re reached proper curds by using a knife to make a slice in it, if the line you make stays visible, you’re good to go.

We want to have multiple curds and not just one big one, so we’re going to have to do some slicing. Get out your longest, thinnest knife for this task, it will make things a lot easier. Starting on one side, slowly slide your long knife in to the soft warm curd until you hit the bottom. Then, keeping your knife on the bottom, run your knife all the way across the pot. Take out your knife and do this same motion every half inch until you get to the other side of the pot.

Once you finish one direction, turn the pot 90 degrees and do the same thing this direction. You should have a cross-hatch pattern on top of the curd, but don’t worry if it’s not perfect, your cottage cheese will turn out just fine.

4. Catcher – We’re soon going to be separating the curds from the whey, so get a strainer with some cheesecloth in it setup over the top of a bowl. Leave this for a minute while we heat the curds.

5. It’s Gettin Hot in Here – Turn on your stove to medium and put your curds back on the burner. You’ll need a thermometer again here as we need to get the mixture to a temperature of 110° and keep it there for 20 – 30 minutes.

Prior to heating, if you pick up one of the curds it will practically disappear in your hand and it’s easily crushed into oblivion. That’s because the curd has not yet set. The process of heating for 20-30 minutes at 110° will set, or cook, the curds, firming them up so our cottage cheese has the delicious texture we know and love.

Heat the mixture to 110° and stir gently to distribute the heat evenly. Be very gentle though or you will demolish all your curds.

After 20 minutes you’ll see that when you stir your curds have real body now. This is what we’re looking for. If your curds haven’t firmed up, keep the heat on for a few more minutes and things will come together.

6. Splashdown – Pour your curds and whey into the cheesecloth lined colander, lifting the colander once you’ve poured it all in. Save the whey if you’d like, but otherwise pour it off and fill the bowl with ice cold water. Put ice in, if you have it.

7. Teabagging – I don’t know why, but this picture always reminds me of this. This should take all of your fraternity guys right back to college.

Grab all four sides of the cheesecloth and pull them together at the top. Now take your curd sack and dunk it repeatedly in the ice cold water. The goal here is to cool the curds down to 40° or so. If you’ve got to stick your hand in there to stir them up a bit, that’s fine, just make sure all of the curds are cool before moving on to the next step.

8. Creamin – You can keep your cottage cheese as it stands now, but you’re probably used to a much creamier version. That’s because commercial cottage cheese has cream or half and half added. I like using cream, because seriously, if you took two days to make cottage cheese that shit better be the most luxurious damn cottage cheese ever made.

Add your salt and cream to the cottage cheese curds, stirring to combine.

That’s it, you did it. You made homemade cottage cheese from scratch. That’s quite the accomplishment. Now mind you, none of your friends or family will give a shit when you tell them, but you’ll know how awesome you are. And that’s what really matters.

• Markaroni and Cheese, Cheese
• Cream of Wheat Noodles – Special Lenten Recipe
• Lime Sorbet Recipe
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• Asparagus Soup Recipe – Spring is Here

Although, it’s still early in the Cleveland gardening season I’ve already made two big mistakes. The first was planting cole crops, specifically cauliflower and brussels sprouts, at the end of May. Cleveland is in Zone 5, considering that cole plants are “cool” weather loving plants, they are best to plant in the early spring or late summer for a fall harvest.

I ended up ripping mine out, but chances are if I would have left them growing they probably would have flowered, ending up useless in the kitchen. Another thing that helped me decide to rip out these plants was that early on they were attacked by cabbage worms, pretty much destroying all of the leaves.

My second big mistake thus far was going on vacation. Ok, the vacation wasn’t necessarily the problem, but I had a ton of lettuce in the garden that I wasn’t at home to eat. It got way too big, turned tough and bitter. So tonight I tore out about 10-15 pounds of romaine lettuce. It really kinda pissed me off, but those are the breaks as Kurtis Blow would say.

Looking on the bright side of things, tearing out all of those plants has opened up a good chunk of my garden. I looked long and hard for some things I can plant now and harvest in the fall. I settled on green beans, beets and turnips. Those seeds are now in the ground, with the all the rain we’re expecting this week, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re sprouting by the weekend. It’s amazing how fast things can turn around in a garden.

• It’s the Little Things – The Eating Cleveland Garden Project
• Jalapeno Recipes – How to Use a Bounty of Jalapenos
• Melt Bar and Grilled – Lakewood, Ohio
• Green Pastures Poultry – Pasture Raised Poultry
• Winking Lizard – Mentor, Ohio

A garden is running punishment for fat people.

But I guess it’s worth it. In addition to being relaxing, the food that comes out of it is unmatched in quality and there is the added benefit of being able to refer to things as if you’re an actual farmer. Telling people you have to “go tend to your crops” holds some real weight. Unless they think you’re just gonna go play with yourself.

I’m going to great lengths to document my garden, so I don’t make the same mistakes next year. Like cauliflower. What a waste of my time and money. Not only did my cauliflower plants get attacked by lousy German worms, but I’ve come to find out that you have to plant cole plants like cauliflower during the summer to harvest in the fall. I’m an idiot.

I’m also documenting the date and weight of everything I “harvest”. Maybe it will help me be more patient next year when I see that I didn’t get to pick any tomatoes until the middle of July.

There will be much more to come on the Eating Cleveland garden project in the near future. Hopefully some photos of actual vegetables, if they ever grow…

• Eating Cleveland Garden Failures
• Jalapeno Recipes – How to Use a Bounty of Jalapenos
• Pick Your Own Strawberries in Northeastern Ohio
• You Stupid American – We Hate Mark
• How Drew Magary and Kevin Smith Helped Me Lose 34 Pounds