I’m a fritter fiend. I love these crispy little parcels that have lovely crunch on the outside and a soft, flavourful inside. I love packing a ton of veggies into each little fritter and then dipping them in delicious sauces and serving them alongside a big salad for a filling and healthy meal. There’s just something about food you can eat with your hands that really appeals to me…and my son! Z loves being able to hold his own food, and he’ll gobble these up like no one’s business! We eat them pretty much every week.

The key to getting a moist but not wet fritter is to get all the extra liquid out of your zucchini. After grating, put it into a colander and sprinkle with salt. Let the zucchini sit while you prepare the rest of your fritters, then squeeze by the handful to get as much liquid as you can out of it. Then you’re good to go!

Since our son came along, I’ve been extra conscious about what goes into our food, so this fritter recipe is healthified a bit. I’ve used quinoa flakes instead of lots of white flour to add some nutrition and protein. I do this is my zucchini slice too, and I’ll often grind up some oats and use oat flour as well. Anyway, you can’t even tell that there is less white flour in this recipe, and if you don’t have quinoa flakes, feel free to just use flour. This recipe is pretty forgiving, so you can also try other substitutions – try subbing in carrot for one of the zucchinis, or see if you like chives instead of spring onions.

Here’s the recipe! Enjoy, and let me know how you like it!

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a coffee date together! 

I love coffee talk (or wine talk!) posts; they’re a great chance to just chat about whatever and cover all sorts of random things that have been going on. Plus, it feels like two old friends getting together when you let me know what’s been going on with you, too. So let’s get to it! 

If we were having coffee together right now, I’d tell you that our household has been struggling with sickness for a few weeks now. Ever since Zachary started at childcare, it has been one illness after another. The latest is a chesty cough combined with an ear infection (for him), and the remains of a common cold for me. It’s tough because he’s only a baby, so there’s not too much we can really do for him in terms of medicine to help him feel better. In addition to some ear drops that the doctor prescribed, we’ve been diffusing lots of Thieves essential oil and rubbing his chest with a Respiratory Congestion essential oil diluted in coconut oil (sort of like an all-natural Vicks Vaporub). He seems to be on the mend, which is a sight for sore eyes! 

If we were having coffee together right now, I’d ask you about your secrets for having enough energy to get through the day. Maybe it’s because I’ve been sick, but I’ve been having a tough time feeling like I can power through to the end of the day and still have the gumption I need to clean up the kitchen and tidy the house at the end of the night. As it stands I’m relying on coffee in the mornings and bubbly water at night, but I’m looking for a sustainable, healthy way to keep my energy levels up because I’ll have some big life changes again soon and I’ll need all the edge I can get! More on that below…

If we were having coffee together right now, I’d tell you that I’m both excited and nervous to be starting work on my Masters degree again this week! I took a break from my postgraduate studies while pregnant and during the early months of our son’s life in order to concentrate on learning how to be a mum and to get an idea of what kind of sleeper he would turn out to be. I knew I’d need a few good nap times to get any uni work done, so I wanted to wait and see if he would be a baby that naps before I signed up to courses again. Luckily he is pretty much a champ when it come to nap times, so I feel confident to jump back into my study now. I’ll have one unit finished up around May or June, and the second should be complete around October…and then I’m DONE! I can’t wait. This has been a lot of work over five long years, and to be able to finish it all up this year will be a major blessing. 

If we were having coffee together right now, I’d probably mention that I’m going back to work in April, and then say I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m having a hard time coping with the idea of heading back and leaving my baby, so let’s just table that one for now! (Max had a leave day last week and we headed down the coast to Victor Harbour for a family day…the idea of not being able to do stuff like this on a whim is tough.)

If we were having coffee right now, I’d ask about your family and how you’re going this new year. We’d probably marvel at the fact that it’s already March and talk about how time flies, because once you hit thirty you start to talk in cliches like that, sometimes. I have, anyway.

If we were having coffee together right now, I’d ask you if you have any secrets for lawn care. We busted our butts to put in a beautiful lawn late last year in our backyard, and 85% of it is now brown and dead. It’s so disappointing! I’m used to growing things in pots, not across a large bit of ground, so I’m feeling a little hopeless about it all. Hopefully when winter comes it will all grow back? Is that how lawns work? 

If we were having coffee together right now I’d probably shove a jar or bottle into your hand and ask you to try my latest creation…a body balm, room spray, lotion, hand wash, beard oil (if you’re a guy!) or body scrub. I’ve been making all sorts of homemade, organic, skincare items and I’m so excited to hopefully start making them for other people, too. So far they’ve only been gifts, but I’d like to start a little business with them once day. I’m using only the best ingredients and have been really happy so far with the beautiful products I’m making. I choose these essential oils and hopefully I’ll share some of my recipes with you soon so you can DIY at home, too. 

If we were having coffee together right now I’d ask for your Netflix suggestions! We don’t watch a lot of TV around here, but sometimes after dinner and once our baby is in bed, it’s nice to sit down together and relax with a show. We’ve done Stranger Things, The OA, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Brooklyn 99…any other suggestions? 

Ok, I better go and start working on my proposal for uni. It’s been nice chatting with you! Please tell me a little about what’s going on in your world! 

I’m so proud of him. He has worked so hard on this and to see him achieve a major goal is fantastic. So, to celebrate we went out for dinner on Friday night at Red Ochre Grill restaurant in North Adelaide.

Red Ochre is located on the north side of the Torrens River, perched on top of the River Cafe that graces the Torrens weir. The location is picturesque; its unique vantage point offers a view of Adelaide rarely seen unless you’re exploring the walking path around the river. The side of the restaurant facing the water is floor-to-ceiling glass, allowing diners to gaze out at the sun setting over the river and reflecting on iconic Adelaide structures, like the convention centre.

You can see that the colours of the parklands change dramatically over just an hour or two.

We arrived a little early for our 7 45pm booking and were promptly offered a seat at the bar to enjoy a drink before we were shown to our table. Since we were celebrating, we accepted and ordered a lovely sparkling wine. Having left baby boy at home with Max’s sister, we took this chance to relax into the evening and enjoy being just husband and wife (rather than Mama and Daddy) for the first time that day.

Our booking time arrived before we knew it and we headed into the dining room. This is the kind of place where waiters help you get seated and place your napkin on your lap for you…i.e. not the sort of place we go to very often anymore! We allowed ourselves to be settled, listened to the specials, and then held hands across the table while we looked at the menu. Yeah, we’re that couple who hold hands a lot throughout dinner. We also sit beside each other on the same side of the booth if we’re in one. I used to make fun of couples like us!

Red Ochre’s food is described as modern, innovative Australian cuisine with native influences, and they make an effort to include plenty of indigenous Australian flora and fauna in their dishes. We decided to take our time and enjoy several courses. We began with the housemade bread, which we devoured before I could take a picture. It came with vegemite butter and bush tomato balsamic and oil. I wasn’t game to try the vegemite butter (I may be an Australian citizen, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be Aussie enough to enjoy that stuff!) but the oil and balsamic was delicious.

Our mains arrived next. I ordered the crispy skin spatchcock, which came with a Barossa bacon and sweetcorn risotto, peas, asparagus, marjoram and chicken jus gras.

I should have read the menu closer because I don’t actually eat bacon, but I tried to pick around it and the meal was still delicious! I gave Max half of the spatchcock and all the bacon and he was happy to take one for the team.

Max ordered the Orroroo kangaroo duo, which comprised grilled roo sirloin and braised tail, pear and Davidson plum chutney, crisp polenta, parsnip puree, and quandong ginger sauce.

He said it was outstanding- cooked medium rare, and really well matched with the mild puree and sweet chutney.

On the side we enjoyed fried chat potatoes with romesco sauce, Manchebo, and Red Ochre spice salt

plus green beans in smoked butter with crispy capers and roasted almonds.

And for dessert, Max ordered a blood orange tart with kiwi gel and a scorched top

and I had a chocolate pave with cookie crumble, chocolate popping candy, and the creamiest ice cream.

I tasted both desserts and they were both fantastic- really lovely and not too large, though by that point we were so, so full. I could barely get myself into our Uber!

We’ve been to Red Ochre a few times before, and the reason we returned on this occasion is that we’ve always had a good experience there. My only complaint is that the restaurant is getting a bit tired and dated: the menus are written in Papyrus font (aka the same font the Avatar movie uses….yikes!) and I noticed a few typos on them; the decor is fine but not particularly compelling. I’d describe it as minimalistic but in a bit of a sparse, worn way rather than a sleek, purposeful way. That said, we go to restaurants for delicious food, and Red Ochre certainly delivered on that. It would just be great if they had a little redesign to freshen up their interior.

All in all, it was a lovely night celebrating my love’s achievements and getting the chance to relax together for a few hours…can’t wait till our next cause for celebration!

This simple naan bread recipe is delicious and so easy! I first worked it out one night when Max and I had decided to have a curry for dinner but were only about 45 minutes away from eating. My usual naan bread recipe took hours (lots of proofing and rising before divvying up the dough and proofing/rising again) and we wanted something that would be ready within an hour. We also wanted to cook the naan on the stove top— again, my usual recipe called for grilling under the broiler in the oven, which is effective but tough to time in order to keep things from burning!

So, after several google searches, I combined some recipes to make this one. We love it and make it all the time now. I especially love adding the minced garlic; it really kicked the flavour up a level, but if you decide to leave it out, please be aware that your leftover naan bread will be delicious warmed and covered with a smear of Nutella with some rock salt cracked on top…yum!

Oh, and FYI…these naan bread go perfectly with my crazy-good slow cooker coconut curry chicken recipe.

As always, enjoy, and please let me know if you love it!

My baby is at childcare this week. I can’t quite believe that it’s happening; he still seems so small to me. He’s definitely the youngest baby there at this point- at only nine months old, he is at least three months younger than most of the other kids there, and they are all walking easily around him.

On our second orientation visit, it broke my heart to see a little girl toddle over to him and grab his hair with a chubby little fist, and to see him look up at her, confused and unable to do much of anything about it. It was a harmless moment, really. She was just being curious, and I was quick to remind her to use gentle hands while opening up her fist to release Zach’s hair, and all was well, but for some reason this tableau squeezed at my heart so much that it hurt inside. He just seemed so little and helpless, not yet at a stage where he could fend for himself, and I felt so sad to think that I was going to leave him all alone in a place where he seemed too young to cope with the “big kids” and their antics. 

Last week I dropped him off for his first full day. I had decided that after drop off I’d do some grocery shopping to take my mind off things, and as I stood in the Woolworths parking lot, I called Max to let him know that I’d gotten Zach to childcare and all was well. Max was in London at the time for work, and I felt very much alone as I waited for him to pick up his phone. As soon as his familiar voice answered, I was in tears. 

I wasn’t expecting to be one of “those” mums. I didn’t think I’d cry about an event like this, but I did. Oh did I ever! I cried on the phone to Max for a good thirty minutes. People were coming up to me in car park to check if I was ok. I looked a real mess by the time I made it into the store, and when I did, one of the Good Samaritans from the parking lot approached me to see if I needed help. He was a middle aged man of about my dad’s age, and we ended up sitting over a coffee and talking about what had happened that morning. Ha! It was sweet of him to listen and I felt a bit better after, but I still ended up wandering aimlessly around the grocery store, buying things I didn’t need and taking over two hours to get out of there. 

Logically, I know that this experience is good for him. He gets the chance to engage and play with other kids of different ages, and with other adults, as well. I think his social confidence must be growing stronger by the day; he’s already a pretty chilled and happy baby, and I hope that being at childcare reinforces that as he learns to have increased independence and enjoys meeting new people. He also gets to eat a variety of foods each day that he’s there, and I’m sure lots of them are things that aren’t in my normal cooking repetoir. He’s a pretty good eater at home and loves to feed himself, and I’m sure that having exposure to even more foods than I can provide is a good thing. 

So you see, I know that sending him off to care is a good thing. I love the Montessori philosophy that his centre follows, and I feel comfortable with the staff and other children. So I’m putting it down to hormones — everything within a mother is telling her to keep her child nearby and protect him, so letting go of his little hand and giving him to someone else for a day goes against the grain in every way. 

So I’ve been having all these issues with WordPress where I can’t upload images using Jetpack or the plain old WordPress system, which means I can’t post from my phone or iPad, only via Mars Edit on my Mac. The problem is, my Mac is currently frozen after my son when crazy with his little hands during a Skype call with my family a few months ago, and he’s frozen the screen in some weird transparent state where I can’t actually open any windows or do anything with it. If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, there’s your explanation. 

Most of you probably haven’t been wondering, though, because I tend to disappear from time to time, especially when things are busy. And with a little baby, extensive travel, and keeping our home going, things have felt busy. I’ve been on hiatus from work (maternity leave) and study (self-created maternity leave), but somehow I haven’t felt that I’ve gained any free time. Funny how having a little one can change things! 

But! The babe is currently asleep, the husband is napping on the couch next to me, and I have a glass of rose and some time on my hands, so let’s get caught up.

The last time we chatted, Max had been away traveling for work and it was tough. My son was only a couple of months old at that point, and the days and nights were still long and exhausting. Max has several more trips scheduled over the coming months, but thankfully things are easier now that bub is a bit older and our routine is established, and I’m feeling much more confident as a new mum. No longer do my days revolve around obsessing over his weight, eating habits, and sleeping patterns; I mean, these things are still important, but I’ve learned to trust my instincts and go with the flow to some degree. We still stick to a general routine, but I’ve learned to be flexible and that, just like adults, his need and desire for food and sleep can change day to day. 

We’ve just returned from a Christmas holiday to Canada to see the family. It was Zach’s first time meeting his grandpa and uncle, and it was also wonderful for him to meet his cousins and catch up with grandma and aunty, too. My mom and sister came to visit and help out with bub was a month old, but it’s obviously been awhile since then and they missed him a lot. It was so lovely to see everyone (re)connect and get to know each other. Seeing my son interact with his cousins was really special, too. 

And his first Christmas! It was so fun! Of course, he didn’t really know what was going on, but he seemed to enjoy the day. The photo with Santa, not so much:

He was a little shell shocked, though he managed to hold it together a little longer than his big cousin. Shortly after this photo, he joined her in the scream fest! 

Hmm what else? Oh, I found a few fun things this Christmas! My mom gave me a Fitbit Alta for Christmas. Ok, I know this is not a particularly new item, but I’m loving counting my steps and the fact that the bracelet is almost pretty and stylish. I’m currently searching for bands online that look a but dressier or more professional for work. Any tips?

Have you heard of Honey? It is a free extension that you can download for Safari or Chrome (and maybe others? I haven’t checked) that helps you save money when you buy things online. Basically, when you go to checkout when you’re buying, well, anything, Honey will pop up and ask if you want it to look for coupons. It will then scan the world wide web for coupon codes for you and apply any that work! It even works on sites like Etsy. You basically get free money for zero effort. Check it out! (Heads up, this link is my personal Honey invite link, so if you use it to sign up for free we each get a dollar. I know, a dollar isn’t much, but it’s something!) 

New Year resolutions… do you have any? I have a few goals in mind for the year which are pretty basic – save some money in an emergency fund, work on meal planning, get back into the gym on a regular basis, not lose my mind when I have to put the baby in childcare. I’d also like to finish up my Masters degree so it can stop hanging over my head! I might try and write a little more about this in another post. What are you going to work on this year? 

Ooh another cool thing I found about this Christmas is The Tile App. I might be a million miles behind the rest of the world, but these little tiles attach to your wallet or keys and can help you locate these things via a bluetooth signal from your phone (or vice versa). I got Max a couple for Christmas because he loses stuff allllll the time. So far they’ve worked really well; the only downside I can see is that the batteries are non-rechargeable, so they last about a year before the whole unit needs to be replaced. 

Photo via Tile App website

Ok this is officially a really random post. I just wanted to pop in and say hi because I am borrowing my husband’s Mac and it’s very exciting to have the luxury of being able to blog again! What did you do for your holidays? 

I didn’t want to write about it here at the time, but Max was away for a work trip over eight days in the last couple weeks. He had the chance to go to Washington, DC, for a training induction at his job, and he had a blast touring iconic sites, eating and drinking the American way, and working hard during the day. I was super jealous, to be honest – in our pre-baby days, we would have found a way for me to fly over there, too, and fill our evenings with exploring what sounds to be a pretty amazing city! 

Instead, Zach and I kept it pretty low-key here on our own. I ended up coming down with some sort of cold, and man was that tough! Taking care of a baby 24/7 with no respite is hard enough as it is; adding sickness to the mix made things difficult to say the least. 

One thing is for sure- after those eight days, I now have some serious respect and empathy for single moms (or dads). I can’t imagine taking care of a bub and a home and pets and my own life by myself all the time, not just for a week here or there. Props to you single parents out there! (Do people still say props? Am I out of the pop culture loop? Is this what motherhood does? Will I soon start writing on my own Facebook wall when trying to wish others a happy birthday? Only time will tell).

Anyway, one thing I learned from my brief stint as a single mum is that organisation is king in managing a home on your own. I’m normally pretty organised as it is, but I took things to a whole new level last week. The dogs and cat were fed with military precision and timing. I’d prepare the dogs’ leashes and harnesses before bundling Zach up on my chest for a walk that covered exactly 45 minutes of our neighbourhood before we came home to start a feed. I would tidy the house each night before bed, setting up things I’d need for the morning, getting my French press prepared with coffee grounds next to the kettle, sterilising all the pump parts and bottles, washing any dishes, scooping the kitty litter, and wiping down the shower. Rather than worry about cooking and grocery shopping, I organised Lite n Easy to be delivered so that I could just grab food out of the fridge or freezer and eat it as needed. This provide to be a real luxury, but an expensive one – to just feed me, it cost nearly what we normally spend on our entire weekly grocery budget for two. If it weren’t for the cost, I’d seriously consider ordering Lite n Easy more often, given the convenience, and the meals were pretty tasty, too. 

Last time I wrote I addressed the little man’s naps…I have an update here that is good and bad! Thankfully, he has started taking some great naps that are 60 to 90 minutes long! Being the advanced little creature that he is, however, he started rolling a couple weeks ago, which means that I needed to transition him out of his swaddle for sleeping (if he rolled onto his tummy in his sleep and didn’t have an arm free, he could suffocate). We usually wrap him up in a Woombie, which keeps him feeling snug and secure, and taking an arm out proved to be a tough change for him to handle. It only took about two days to get him used to it, but those two days were filled with tears and very little sleep..for both of us! Thankfully, he has returned to mostly great naps now (aside from the last couple of days since he just received his four-month vaccinations yesterday and also seems to have caught my cold). 

All things considered, though, keeping things running smoothly at home and with Zach’s sleeping wasn’t my biggest challenge while Max was away. I think what really stood out to me most was how isolating it can be to be a new mum. Normally I try to get us out and about during the week, but I canceled our plans due to my cold so we were homebound nearly every day. I actually quite like spending lots of time one on one with the babe; he is adorable and fun company, but when you go days without seeing another human being or stepping foot out the front door, the loneliness can get intense. Luckily, as you can see from the photos above, we got outside a bit this week to enjoy some lovely end-of-winter weather. In any case, I think it will be important to continue to build friendships with other mums and build up a network of women and families to connect with. 

How do you meet like-minded people in your community? I’d love to hear any ideas you have! I have met several lovely women in my Child and Family Health Services Mothers Group, which has been a great start.

This week has been challenging. Zach has entered a new wonder week, and ‘week’ isn’t quite the right description: this one is meant to last a whole five weeks! If you haven’t heard of wonder weeks, they’re periods in a baby’s life where they are growing and learning new things and having major developmental milestones. During this wonder week, Zach is meant to be able to detect events; that is, a series of patterns, such a ball bouncing or using gestures along to music, like the Itsy BItsy Spider song. He will also be getting better at grasping objects on the first try, pulling cloths or towels away from his face, and following where mum and dad are as we move around a room. Today, at just shy of four months old, he starting rolling from his back to his tummy! Previously he could only roll from his tummy to his back, which began at one day shy of 12 weeks. 

So, wonder weeks are a pretty big deal for little babes, as everything is changing and they are working on significant new skills. This means that they can also be very fussy, clingy, demanding, and difficult to settle. Z hasn’t been too bad, but like I said, it has been a challenging week. He’s been fighting mealtimes, which means that every three hours we have an epic battle about breastfeeding, though he’ll take his EBM and formula bottle top-up without too much fuss.

In a bout of bad timing, we’ve also been working on nap time together for the last week or two. Our son is a fantastic night sleeper – don’t hate me, but he has been sleeping 8 to 10 hours per night since he was about 8 weeks old. This is something we definitely don’t take for granted, but daytime naps have proven to be a real struggle. He’ll usually only sleep for 20 or 30 minutes, and by the time I sneak out of the room after finally getting him to settle, I really only have enough time to eat some toast and put on makeup before he’s up again. I’m trying to remind myself that my job right now is just to be his mum, and things like housework and dinner prep can wait, but as someone who is definitely a ‘doer’, this has been hard. 

Anyway, we are working hard on helping him learn to self-settle so that he can sleep through more than one sleep cycle and get the rest he needs. It’s been difficult, I won’t lie; sometimes it can take 30 minutes to get him to sleep in the first place, and much of that is screaming. It’s very hard to have a baby screaming in your ear for that long, even when you’re rocking and shushing and doing your best to soothe him. Thankfully, the 30 minute bursts are the exception rather than the rule, and I can normally get him snoozing in 15 minutes or less. Sometimes it’s even three minutes! You never know with that little munchkin. 

What’s become apparent to me through all of this, though, is that my personal journey toward increased patience is making great strides. Patience is one personality trait that I’ve never really possessed. I’d say it’s probably my worst virtue…ever since I was a child, I have had very little grace for people or things that take a long time to get places, complete tasks, grasp concepts, or get my jokes. I knew from an early age that I would make a terrible teacher, and though I’ve always thought it would be an amazing job to have, I know that my patience problem precludes me from being able to work with children or youth in that capacity. 

In the workplace, my lack of patience has been a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s served me well in that it allows me to push to keep meetings short, sharp and shiny (I hate wasting time), and I tend to work efficiently and quickly because I prefer getting tasks out of the way as soon as possible so that I can move on to other things. On the other hand, I have no time for people who waffle on without saying anything, and I even had to switch offices last year because my then-officemate’s incessant grumbling, complaining, and coughing was too much for my impatient self. I moved across the hall and have been much happier since! 

Of course, as a mum, I don’t get much choice when it comes to practicing patience. I love my son more than anything, and that means that I really can’t let my frustration take over, or lose my temper when he can’t get settled. I’m seeing the world in a new light: he is tiny, helpless, and depends on me for everything, so even if I’m on my last straw after a long day of tears and squawking, I somehow find a way to take a deep breath and keep on keeping on. 

I realise that all this sounds very dramatic, and I don’t really mean to make a mountain out of a molehill, but it really does amaze me how one little being can completely change one long-embedded aspect of my personality. I remember asking my mom once how she could possibly be as patient and she is, and she responded, ‘One day, you just don’t have a choice: you are patient because of a love that you can’t control’. I think I’m finally starting to understand that. 

Now let’s hope that the next few weeks of this wonder week period fly by, because although my patience is improving, I’m still a work in progress and the days do feel long! Good thing I have that sweet little face to gaze upon…he’s even cute when he’s crying! 

Max and I enjoyed this curry for dinner tonight (Zach will have his milkified taste a little later on!). It’s one of our favourites; we first had it at my sister’s house in Canada. We were visiting last Christmas and staying all in one house with my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, and their two girls. My youngest niece was only two months old, and I was about 21 weeks pregnant. I had no idea at this point just how crazy and busy life is with an newborn in the house (not to mention a second older child), and nonchalantly allowed my poor sister to make dinner most nights. We would wander downstairs and sit down at the table, hungrily eyeing the food she graciously served up to us. My sister is incredibly hard-working and never complains about anything, so I didn’t realise how exhausted and sleep-deprived she must have been. Now that I’m a mama, I can’t believe that we let her do that! I’ll have to make it up to her when we head back again this Christmas…I’m planning to wait on her hand and foot for three weeks!

Anyway, after one taste of this curry, Max was sold, and was begging my sister to send us the recipe. She texted it to us a couple of months ago, and it’s been on regular rotation in our house ever since. The best part? It’s made entirely in a blender and a slow cooker, so it’s super easy, requires nearly zero prep, and tastes like you slaved over it all night long. Serve it up with some fragrant jasmine rice and some naan bread (if you’re looking for a homemade naan recipe, stay tuned – I’ll post an easy and delicious one next week) for the most delicious family-pleasing weeknight dinner that would also be a great make-ahead meal to serve to guests.

I hope you love it! If you try this super-simple curry recipe, let me know what you think and I’ll pass on your thoughts to my sister the next time I make her dinner.

I’m currently sitting on my couch, drinking tea and typing on my trusty old laptop…alone. Completely alone. I can’t remember the last time I was alone; these moments, once plentiful and taken for granted, are now few and far between and fiercely valued. You see, in early April this year, my world turned upside down, and concepts like ‘alone time’ all but disappeared, replaced instead with constant snuggles, feeding, diaper changes, and too many kisses to count. Our baby boy, Zachary John, has arrived and yes, life is forever changed. 

My days are so different to before. Instead of rushing to meet deadlines, planning social media campaigns, working on articles, and penning marketing plans, I now spend my time wiping a tiny bottom, washing too many bottles to count, assembling cloth nappies, and going on walks with a baby wrapped up on my chest. I kiss chubby cheeks and a soft tummy. I make up silly songs and use outrageous voices as I narrate my day, eating whatever is is the fridge from last night’s dinner, scarfing mouthfuls with one hand while waving a rattle with the other. I feel constantly busy but don’t have much of an answer to the question, ‘So what did you do today?’. I do a lot, but it’s a lot of the same few things, and these things don’t lend themselves to being described day after day when Max gets home from work. 

I hope this doesn’t sound like a complaint. It’s not. I am just constantly amazed at this: I have born a new life, a small human being who depends on me for everything, and has in turn given me a completely new life, too. Things are different now and I don’t regret it one bit, but it does take some getting used to. 

Until my last day at work before my maternity leave started, I didn’t realise how much my sense of self was tied up in my job. When you spend eight hours a day in one place, working on things that matter to you and challenge your mind, it becomes a part of who you are and shapes your character. It did for me, at least, and that last day in the office was a bit of a wake up call for me. Suddenly, I was walking away from a job that I am good at, where I know what I’m doing and my hard work pays off, and heading into the unknown.

The unknown realm of parenting, that is. I don’t think anyone knows if they will be happy as a mother, if they can love their new life, until they are thrust into the middle of it all and learning as they go. Being a parent is hard. When I was pregnant, I was mostly concerned with labour and delivery: could I do it? Would I survive? Would I poop in front of the midwife? (Spoiler: I could, I did, and I didn’t, thank goodness.) But the real work of motherhood begins after that little babe is placed on your chest, small and wet and helpless, and suddenly things are different and the only thing that matters is him. Zach takes up my thoughts at nearly all times; I find it nearly impossible to think about anything else but him at any given moment. 

There are so many things I’m unsure about: is he sleeping enough? Eating enough? Is mixed feeding ok? Why won’t he nap longer? Am I giving him enough stimulation to help his brain develop? When will I stop feeling exhausted all the time? There are books and online articles and Child and Family Health Service nurses that all have answers, and most of them are different. I’m learning slowly to trust my instincts as a mama and just accept that sometimes, my best is all I can give and will have to do in this moment.

I have so much to write about but I’ll stop this post here for today. After all, I’m cherishing this moment as Max puts his baby to bed and I sit in a quiet lounge room all alone, but just a thought away from my son. 

Newborn photos by Vikki Kourbelis Photography.