Do you need to make more money?  Or do you just need to make better decisions about how you spend the money you make right now?

Do you need to be understood?  Or do you need to take the time to empathize with the opinions of others?

Do you need more time?  Or do you need to use better tools to keep you accountable for how you spend your time and how you prioritize your day?

Do you need better friends?  Or do you need to be a better friend?

Do you need a “chance”?  Or do you need to work like a maniac to overcome the obstacles that are in your way right now?

What do you need?

It’s a question that drives all of us.  The reality is that what you need might be what is already in front of you.

It might be that the difference between your needs, your wants, and the resources you have to achieve what you want for yourself is separated only by your perspective. By how you view the world around you.  By how you view people who disagree with you.

What you might need is a new perspective.

That means being emotionally intelligent enough to appreciate and tolerate the views of others, even when you disagree violently with them. A different view on the world enables you to figure out for yourself what you really need.

Not what others tell you you should want.

• Irony goals.
• Irony kindness.
• Irony determination.
• Irony focus.
• Irony insightfulness.
• Irony compassion.
• Irony strategy.
• Irony competitiveness.
• Irony mentorship.
• Irony determination.

Simply, more irony.

You can choose ambivalence, ambiguity, and arbitrary.  Or you can be irony.

Unmovable.  Unshakeable.  Untiring.

It’s a mindset that demands courage and rewards confidence.

Its a choice — to be irony.

That’s because you’re looking for it.

If you think a situation is irreparable then that’s how you’ll see it. All the evidence around you will look like you are right. But you might just be seeing what your existing biases allow you to see.

Not all the possibilities that exist.

It’s a temperamental bias. Based on how you feel at the time and the situation in which you find yourself, you see your options differently. In fact, the exact same situation can appear dramatically different in a span of just a few minutes.

If you are not emotionally intelligent, you can overlook how persuasive your emotions really are. You get fooled into thinking that what you see is really how things are.

But what you see is just how things appear to be. To you.

• It impacts sales: If you see everyone in your industry as a potential customer, then you will tend to have sporadic sales problems. By more closely targeting your sales efforts towards ideal customer prototypes, you tend to have stronger, more predictable revenue.
• It impacts leadership: If you see your job as as being the person that others follow unquestionably then you tend to struggle to get the respect that you think you deserve. By being more empathetic towards those around you you create loyal followers.
• It impacts overall strategy: If you see your business goal as “making lots of money” And you will struggle to find enough options and talented people to help you achieve your success. By shifting your goal to a”higher calling”, you create a mission that is actionable and inspiring for all those involved.

What you see is what you get.

Simple but true.

If you are looking for an excuse then all the world around you will help you find one. The same is true if you are looking for a reason to fight on.

What do you see? Better yet, what do you want to see?

Do you like the customers that you are working with, the employees leading your teams, and the position that your company has in your industry?

Take another look.

Open your eyes.

See your situation from a different perspective.

Your business strategy won’t work all that well if it’s aimed at what people are doing right now. And contrary to conventional wisdom, you shouldn’t take your inspiration from what you hear from employees or partners or customers.

It’s wise to listen and learn.

But what you see and hear probably isn’t as helpful as you think it might be.

Underneath the bravado and glamour of business there lies the realities of human nature — pain and fear drive most decisions.

That’s easy to miss because of how different things look on the surface. On the outside, confidence and impeccable timing appear to drive executive behavior. But what you see isn’t always the truth.

• It’s effort that drives success. Not luck.
• It’s determination that results in breakthrough. Not more education.
• It’s heart that keep you motivated. Not a business process.
• It’s compassion that builds unity. Not a mission statement.
• It’s a dream that keeps you focused. Not more money.

What you see on the surface can be confusing.

You miss the chaos and frustration that rages on the inside. The confusion. The sense of panic. The fear of failure.

It’s tend to always be what it’s not…

That tempest often gets left unnoticed. And unresolved.

We’ve forgotten that performance and happiness and satisfaction isn’t about what you achieve but about who you are. About the attitudes and intentions and philosophies that drive you.

All happening beneath the surface. Where you think and sleep and worry. Where you really are you.

That’s true for you and everyone else around you. Business partners. Potential clients. Bosses. Friends.  Family.  They’re all wired the same way.

They struggle telling you the dark and gritty stuff that is happening on the inside. They clean up the outside and hope you don’t notice the confliction.

If you look a little deeper you’ll see a lot more.

Anger isn’t a good foundation for friendship.

Neither is jealously or fear or passive aggression.

You become like the people you spend the most time with.

Which means if you hate and fear and crave and spend your time people who just do the same thing, all the worst parts of you get amplified.  You create bigger monsters to tame later.

Monsters those friends can’t help you tame.

You need people around you that can help elevate your skills.  Which means the best parts of you get promoted.

Hope, possibility, opportunity.

Instead of emoting reactively against what happens to you, you find yourself working proactively to attract champions who get behind you and make you better.

Friendship should be a motivation.  Not a disruption.

If you aren’t getting better you aren’t going the right direction.

Think about that the next time you think your friends are crazy.

Maybe they are.  Maybe you shouldn’t be.

A lot of books on leadership will tell you that under-performers should be fired.  Jack Welch, the highly successful CEO of General Electric for 20 years made it a religion to fire anyone rated in the bottom of the company.  Year after year, thousands of employees were cut loose to make room for “high performers”.  Out with the bad.  And in with the better.

And while that sounds sexy. It is often not the right move.  Especially in today’s fast-moving economic churn.

The fire-and-hire cycle just leads to even worse results.

Frankly, the executive you think you should fire was probably performing like an all-star when you hired him.  Given your skill at knowing what your company needs, you hand-picked that person.  For their talents, their charisma, and a work ethic. They were the right fit.

And they probably still are the right fit for you now.

Life just got in the way.  That’s what happens.  Life happens.  Busy executives have personal lives that get confused and chaotic.  Sometimes, for no fault of their own, life deals them a unfair hand.

That extra pressure, that stress, can make him appear cynical.  They can seem combative and argumentative.  They don’t do their job as fast or as expertly as they used to.  They just aren’t as creative.   There’s no extra genius.  No innovation.

The seem “washed up”.  But the wrong approach is to fire them.

It’s not good for you as a company and it probably won’t teach any lessons to them either.

The truth is your under-performer is in a lot of pain.

They are hurting.  And they know it.  They might not want to share all their pain with you, but they know that they aren’t performing like they used to.  And that’s how it has to be for right now.

The truth is that it is easier for them to underperform and use their emotional energy to fight the other hurts in their life than it is to perform for you like they used to. Their personal issues are more important then your business issues.

That’s the case most of the time.

Pain and fear beat the innovation and creativity out of talented business executives.  Their personal challenges change them from the person they used to be to the shadow of an all-star they are now.

And firing them won’t change that.

For your company or for them or for you.

To help them, you have to heal them. To help yourself, you have to help them first.

That’s the secret.  You have to help them solve their personal problems.  You have to lead them to make the next few right decisions.  And even though at times that is sticky and uncomfortable, the end result is rewarding.

That journey might take days or weeks or months or years.

Candidly, you might not be willing to invest that.

It might just be easier to fire and hire and hope the new executive has better luck than the old one.

But if you can care and heal — and if you do, you will have saved a person and grown your business and inspired all those around you.  You will have changed the world.

And that’s probably why you got into business in the first place.

Almost isn’t good enough.

If you almost got the job that really means you didn’t make the final cut.

If you almost won first place that really means you ended up losing.

If you almost finished the job that means you really left your mission incomplete.

If you almost care that really means you don’t care at all.

If you’ve almost did the right thing that really means you ended up doing the wrong thing.

If you have almost made it in time that really means you ended up being late.

If you almost figure it out that really means you still have questions and unsolved problems.

If you almost have enough to do what you want to do that really means you can’t be where you want to be right now.

If you almost are happy that really means you’re still dissatisfied.

If you almost always do something then that really means you might not be as disciplined as you should be.

If you almost have your mind made up that really means you’re not as confident yet as you want to be.

If you almost have the answer that really means you’re still looking for it.

If you almost are successful that really means you still have more work to do.

If you almost worked hard enough that really means you just didn’t put in enough effort.

If you’ve almost stopped a bad habit that really means you’re not as “in control” as you want to be

Almost isn’t what you want for you.

It is close.  At times it looks like the real thing.

But it’s not good enough.

It’s almost the right thing.

And even though at times the difference is small, you can tell between being almost satisfied with your life and truly feeling a sense of accomplishment from what you’ve done.

From what you have achieved.

Don’t let almost be the enemy of awesome.

Achieve more.

You’ve been there before.   You are negotiating a complex business deal and moving point-by-point to get the person on the other side of the table to sign off on the components of the deal.

“Does that work for you?” you find yourself asking.

And with a nod and a handshake you find yourself standing up from the table with a successful deal negotiated.

Only later you learn that the deal you thought you had wrapped up isn’t really closed after all.

“We’ve changed our mind,” says your client on the other end of the telephone call.  As you listen in disbelief, anger and outrage rise to the surface.

You can’t believe it.  ”What happened?” you stammer in semi-protest.

Thoughts of lost revenue and hard answers you have to give to bosses are a swift punch to your gut.  ”What really happened?” you find yourself thinking.

It’s overwhelming when people change their mind.

Psychologists tell us that any time someone in a community begins to shift their thinking that the group as a whole experiences significant stress.  It’s difficult to handle for everyone involved.  It’s more than just business deals too.

Business, religion, politics, marriage, finances, personal relationships — these matters disrupt our sense of self.   When others question their long held opinions about life, we begin to question our own beliefs.  That creates a temporary sense of uncertainty and confusion.  That’s the science behind what you are feeling.

You panic when people change their mind.  That emotion is natural — but frustrating and confusing.  If you’re not careful you’re quick to be distracted and demotivated.

It’s important to understand why people change their opinion.

Ultimately, what you realize is that even though the topics and situations are different, your opinions change just is often, and just as seemingly random, as those around you.

But you have to be aware of what is really going .

So, why do people change their mind:

1. Their mind wasn’t made up in the first place. — They are still on the fence.  Sometimes “leaning your way” can seem like agreement.  When they lean back you realize that you hadn’t done your job convincing them.
2. New life experiences give them a new perspective. — New experiences, good and bad, provide more options.  More education and different friends and locations can easily shape a new perspective.  And it doesn’t take much.
3. The chaos around the discussion makes a decision confusing. — There aren’t just two sides of an issues.  There are endless perspectives.  Sometimes after looking at all of that, a clear choice becomes no choice at all.  Doing nothing is easier than risking making the wrong choice.
4. They are under physical or emotional pressure to make that decision. — Someone is twisting their arm.  Sometimes literally.  An angry spouse or business partner can be more convincing that your logic.
5. They don’t like you or want to help you. — It’s always personal.  In business and in life, people are influenced by those who lead or influence widely held opinions.  It can be easy to dislike a “thought leader”  and in parallel reject their line of thinking.

Think about it more practically.

Every day you’re learning something new that will impact the decisions you make tomorrow.

It might be noble to declare that your opinions never change, but that’s probably not even close to true.  Even if you don’t share your changed opinion with anyone else, that doesn’t mean you haven’t made up your mind in a new direction.

The solution then is not to call people who change their mind a liar, but to assume they are doing the exact same thing you are wired to do.  To evolve. To keep learning.

It can be confusing when you’re not sure why an opinion has changed.

You can feel hurt or disrespected, but perhaps a changed mind is an opportunity for you to learn.  A chance to see intimately into the minds of those brave enough to share their own confusion and confliction.

This is the same whether you are negotiating a business deal or debating a hotly contested cultural issue.

Refuse to panic.  Pursue excellence.  Think for yourself.  Decry cruelty.

And when things change, relentlessly examine every opportunity to be amazing.

The phone rings — breaking you out of your concentration. You’ve been focused on a complex task. Trying to solve a problem that has stumped you for hours.

As the phone rings a second time, your hand moves from your mouse to the edge of the phone, ready to pick up the handset. Your eyes glance at the name showing on the screen.

You pause for a second.

As the phone rings a third time, you realize that you have just a second to make a decision. Do you take the call or do you get back to solving the hard problem that you have been working on all morning?

That’s reality.

You just happen to be on the other side of the call. You’re the one doing the interrupting. Jolting executives out of their concentration as they try to solve serious problems that have them confused and frustrated.

Your call only adds to that confusion.

But it also adds some clarity.

Your client only has a few seconds to make a gut-level decision about your value to them. That’s it. There’s no time for complex arguments or for them to scan your latest white paper.

In a few seconds, every thing that you have ever done for them pops to the forefront of their decision-making ability.

It’s raw and gritty. It might make you uncomfortable. But it’s the most honest of business relationships. There is a decision — do they take your call or do they shrug you off?

They know the truth.

Do you provide value to them or do they know that you’re calling to “just check in on them” — probably peddling another technology solution that’s close to the one they already bought from you last year. Sure you might be calling to ask them to hang out with you for a beer or to grab a quick lunch, but they know that that’s all part of your plan to extract more money out of them. To close more deals.

And in a second or two it’s all becomes clear. You can’t fake it. You have to live it. The ringing phone demands a solution.
Which brings us to the point of this discussion.

You can’t provide value when you need to get results.

By then, it is too late.

The opportunity to create lasting memories is over. You have to start caring right now — even when it seems like you don’t really need to care.

The truth is, you’ve never needed to care any more than you do right now. Right now is all you have. There is no tomorrow unless you start caring today.

• There are no phone calls.
• There are no e-mail exchanges.
• There is no extra revenue.

It doesn’t work.

Nothing works until you start loving people.

Until you love the people that you want to do business with.

If there’s one thing that we’ve all learned in the last half decade of economic decline around the world, it is that people are frail and hurting beings. We’ve learned that we’re a little more fallible than we thought we were before. We’ve realized that destruction and utter chaos is a possibility. Sometimes an inevitability.

Which is why the conversation needs to change from value and solutions and service to something much more powerful. To something much more potent.

Discussions with your clients needs to be about the gritty, personal side of life. You don’t need to be corny but you do need to be caring. This isn’t about passive aggression or manipulation; it’s about a heart-felt interpretation of life and the people doing business in that life.

To grow you have to love people.

Economic patterns come and go. Businesses will fall and they grow.

Most of that will never be in your control, ever — no more than you can cause the sun to shine or the rain to fall.

You are helpless when it comes to cosmic change. But you can change your own attitude about those you do business with. You can give a hand up instead of looking for a handout. You can be genuine instead of going for the jugular. You can love and care and cry instead of twisting and cajoling and pressuring.

The decision is yours.

As the phone rings, your business intentions stand naked before the judgments of your customer. No excuses. No explanations. Only the value you’ve created stands to persuade your client to pick up the phone and hear you out.

When you give as a strategy. When you give with intention. When you give more than people deserve to get, you create a relationship that drives your client to engage with you. They’re still busy, still frustrated, but willing to hear you out. Willing to give you a chance.

Because you’ve given them much more already.

It takes emotional courage to be kind when pointing out the flaws of your opponent will make you gratified right now.

It takes emotional courage to be professional and candid when passion aggression and situational dishonesty allow to you solve symptoms instead of addressing the uncomfortable underlying issues.

It takes emotional courage to smile and and ask someone else “how you can help” when you feel like you need so much help yourself.

It takes emotional courage to be different when populist peer pressure is easy to blindly adopt.

It takes emotional courage to resist being a bully even when you think the facts are on your side.

It takes emotional courage to make a difference.

Not brains or brawn or business braggadocio.

Emotional.  Courage.

Think about that the next time you’re faced with a tough business choice.

Most people will never know how brave you really are.  But that’s OK.  It’s your life to live anyway.

So live it standing up.

Outside and inside.