“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” -Winston Churchill

I have decided to tell a lie.  A lie about magnesium.

Why?  Because the truth isn’t working.

Here’s the problem: No one knows what magnesium is for.

But they sure as hell know what calcium does.  (Or so they think.)

If you walk into an Applebee’s and ask 100 people, “What does calcium do for you?” you’ll probably have 90 of them tell you, “Calcium is for strong bones.”

And biochemically, that answer is correct…sort of.

In reality, if took a piece of chalk (calcium carbonate) and dropped it on the ground, it would shatter.

Calcium is actually quite brittle by itself.  It takes magnesium, boron, and a host of other minerals to create the bone matrix.  

Therefore, “calcium for strong bones” is a lie…but it’s a believable lie.

And guess what…calcium supplements outsell magnesium supplements about 20 to 1.  (editor’s note to himself: Go find the NPA data that shows what the actual numbers are and plug that into this article.)

Kudos to the Dairy Council for the decades of milk moustache ads.

But in that same Applebee’s, how many people out of 100 would have any answer to, “What does magnesium do for you?”

My guess is that 10 would say something about laxatives (Milk of Magnesia), and another 10 might talk about muscle relaxtion (Epsom Salt)…but the rest would have blank stares.

Therefore, magnesium needs a believable lie.  It needs a simple milk moustache-like campaign with a positive message.

With all due respect to the brilliant scientists, doctors, etc. that have studied, published, etc. anything about magnesium — it’s not working!  The “this mineral is good for everything” message — while technically accurate — is not getting through.

You need a marketer to simplify the message, and then repeat it a billion times.

And I think I have the answer: “MAGNESIUM IS FOR MOVEMENT!”

Biochemically, that is correct.  And of course it takes more than just magnesium to move your muscles.  But do you think the calcium people worried about those types of subtleties?  Clearly, they did not.

“Magnesium for movement” is also just one small part of the complete magnesium story.  Who cares that magnesium is also a significant contributor to curbing inflammation.  Who cares that it also lowers blood pressure.  Who cares that it also converts LDL cholesterol (the bad kind) into HDL cholesterol (the good kind).  Who cares that’s it’s also involved in 300+ other biochemical reactions…

I’ll tell you who cares: Not a single person at Applebee’s.  Because all of those benefits have been documented for years, and yet no one at Applebee’s knows this.

But I’m hoping they just might care about a simple, positive message: magnesium helps them move.

And that’s the ~$100,000 bet Jigsaw Health is taking in 2012, starting with a clever “Magnesium is For Movement” video from Epipheo Studios, due out in March.

PS – Writing this post made me realize I need to go back and re-read Seth Godin’s, “All Marketers Are Liars.”

PPS – Thanks to “Magnesium Man” Morley Robbins for helping me refine this simple message.  You can enjoy his, “Let’s Get Sick In 10 Easy Steps” article that documents 10 different ways magnesium deficiency messes with your body.  But after reading that, forget all of it and just tell your friends, “Magnesium is for Movement, Period.”  Who cares why someone starts taking it, as long as they just start taking this miraculous mineral.

July 19, 2011 — Scottsdale, AZ – eSN Ventures announced today the sale of the company’s crown jewel, IAMTHERE.com — perhaps the most coveted eight letters in domain name registry history – for $5,000.00 to an unknown buyer.

“We had been squatting on iamthere.com for a long time…I mean, a l-o-n-g time.  It was actually the inception of eSN Ventures.” reported Patrick Sullivan Jr., co-founder and domain manager.

“Patrick and I originally came up for the idea of putting webcams at funerals and weddings after a few (dozen) cocktails on a long flight from Phoenix to Newark.”  said Richard Nordstrom, co-founder and chief strategist.  ”That was in 1999 y’all!  Who had even heard of a webcam back then?!?!”

“You have to remember that in 1999, business.com had just sold for a million dollars.  We realized that ‘squatting’ was the new ‘black’, if you will.” said Sullivan.

After the initial acquisition of IAMTHERE.com, Nordstrom and Sullivan approached Pat Sullivan Sr. with the idea of forming a “squatting enterprise” of sorts.  Sullivan Sr. liked the idea, and wasn’t quite sure how to buy domain names himself at the time, so he gave the two a sizable angel investment, and eSN Ventures was created.

Nordstrom and Sullivan Jr. spent the next several months drinking beers at night and purchasing wonderful domains such as, AskAbuddy.com, AskAchemist.com, and several others in the AskA___ family.

“We had a ton of great names.  I swear we did.  But tell you the truth, I can’t really remember any of them any more.  Let me get back to you on that one.” said Nordstrom.

In 2001, eSN Ventures came close to selling IAMTHERE.com for $15,000.00.  After months of negotiations, the deal fell apart.  ”The dotcom bubble had just burst, and along with it, the value of domain names.  People sorta thought the internet might be over.” said Sullivan Jr.

After losing their sole prospect, eSN Ventures went quiet for the rest of the decade.  Sullivan Jr. explains, “Yeah, I kept renewing IAMTHERE.com and was even able to pick up IAMTHERE.net for a song.  As I recall, I think the previous owner had let it expire.  But I let the rest of the eSN portfolio slowly expire.”

In 2009, on a whim, Sullivan decided to list IAMTHERE.com for sale on GoDaddy’s Premium Listing Service.  ”I figured, what the heck you know.  If someone wants to buy this for 5 grand, cool.”

Sullivan never heard a peep, so he totally forget he had listed it…until Tuesday morning when he read that it had been sold and transfered from his account.  ”It was kind of crazy to read the email because after all this time of NOTHING being there, (pun intended) I actually had just started using the domain for my band, Sapphire Sky, to broadcast live wedding performances to guests that couldn’t attend.  Seriously, the whole idea came back around, and then my domain is sold right from under me.”

Sullivan is now using Iamthere.net to broadcast live wedding performances of the band Sapphire Sky.

Pat Sullivan Sr., the lone investor in eSN Ventures commented, “With GoDaddy’s ridiculous 30% commission, I don’t quite think I’ll break even on this 12 year investment.  But at the end of the day, I’m just proud the team was able to put a little money back in my pocket.  I think I can safely move this one into the ‘not a loss’ column.”

Nordstrom commented, “It seems like it was a great idea now that we don’t have it any more.  Dammit, pretty sure somebody is gonna get rich off this domain.”

When asked about GoDaddy’s 30% commission, Nordstrom commented, “That is a rip-off, no wonder they’re doing so well.”

##

This post is part question, part answer since I didn’t find much on google related to actual cpm per medium.

I’m curious what other business owners see for CPM; that is the advertising cost per thousand listeners / viewers / email recipients / eyeballs / etc.

Here’s my own experience…

Radio = $2 – $4 CPM

Radio has been my “seductive mistress” for the last 5 years.  She whispers messages of hope and the promise of “dedicated listeners who follow the host like a zombie army and buy everything he / she commands.”

I take the plunge into her bedroom once a year or so.  After the unique 800 number I’m spending $200/month on phone rings 20-ish times in a week — after 400,000 zombies with nothing better to do than listen to said host have supposedly heard my unbelievably well-crafted message — I tally up the stats.

About 40% of people buy the product.

20% ask for the price and hang up once they’ve heard it.

And the remaining 40% ask questions for 27 minutes, then ask us to mail them pricing and product brochures because they can’t afford an effing internet connection.

8 orders (40% of 20) at $100 an order is $800 in revenue.

Not profit, people…revenue.

You see, my employees get the idea somehow that I’m obligated to pay them to answer calls from said zombies.  And because I’m nice and I like them, I do.

• Radio Cost Per Spot = The most expensive spot in radio is 60 seconds on The Rush Limbaugh show.  It’s about $14,000 for 60 seconds, host-voiced spot.  I don’t know the CPM off-hand, but he’s number 1 most-listened to radio host by a major landslide.  I’m typically offered around $500 – $700 for a 60 second.  But, if you get on a long-term contract and get bonus spots, I’ve had them as low as $23-ish.

• Radio ROI = For me, it’s been in a range of .18 on the low-end to 1.8 on the high-end.  That’s measuring revenue, not profit.  So when I spend a dollar and get 18 cents in revenue in return, yes, I feel like Zach Galifinakis getting tazered in The Hangover.

Email (to 3rd Party Lists) CPM = $2 – $18

Email to 3rd Party Lists has been really good, and really REALLY bad.  What’s the difference?  If the list owner has a sizable audience of actual zombies that actually do what he recommends, then it works.  Any other message I’ve sent to any other audience has a negative ROI.

So basically, there is one list that works great for me, and all the others suck.

• Cost Per Email = The one that works costs me $3,000 to have sent.  The ones that don’t work don’t matter.
• Email ROI = As low as .05, as high as 4.25.

Print Media CPM = ??

I’ve done so little print media (magazines, journals, newspapers) that I really don’t know the number for this.

I did recently spent $3400 on a very targeted trade journal.  I negotiated from 1 ad for $3400 to 3 ads and a month long banner ad on their website for $3400.

But I don’t know if we had a single click from the banner or a phone call.  I haven’t checked our Google Analytics, and I didn’t use a unique 800 number in the ad.  I was too short on time to meet the deadline.  Shit happens.

Web Banner Ads = ??

I also have very little experience here.  Ever since I read about banner blindness, I just figured it probably wasn’t worth the effort.

However, I did negotiate a very strategic placement in a very relevant directory that is sort of like a banner ad.  They wanted $1500 for the full year, I got them to throw in $2000 worth of other “premium” stuff (which, let’s be honest, cost them nothing), so it seemed like a good deal.

And here’s the real kicker, since this directory has a very professional sounding name, I’m creating a logo to put on my website as a “3rd party trust icon / badge” saying, “Featured in Respected Buyers Guide Directory” to (hopefully) improve my own conversion rate.

Sneaky, eh?  ;-)

No Experience With…

I have zero experience in these areas. Newspaper Ads, White pages, Yellow pages…  Any one care to offer some numbers on

Remember my blog post called What Not To Do about double-negatives that confuse the user experience?

Well, the author of this checkbox takes first prize!

In the words of Celo Green, “F you, and F her too!”

I recently changed Ashley’s Scottsdale Az Homes For Sale site to use Thesis WordPress Theme.  I really, really like how easy it is to customize.

So I installed Thesis a few minutes ago on this site, Editweapon.com since I’m working on a new post and didn’t want any one to see the hideous “coffee” theme I installed a few months ago and forgot about!  ;-)

Thesis is currently in it’s “none more white” default state, but I’ll tweak it up and let you know what happens in the next few weeks.

Here’s what happened…  Rebecca went to Israel for 10 days in November 2010.  She wasn’t going to use her Verizon HTC Android phone while she was there, so it never occurred to her to call VZ and change her plan to an international roaming plan.

Well, of course her HTC Android turned on accidentally inside her purse and started downloading emails and such.  Unfortunately, Rebecca didn’t discover this for about 18 hours.  When she noticed it was on, she immediately turned it off and didn’t think anything of it because of course, she didn’t use the phone.  No harm, no foul, right?

Wrong!

When she got back home, her phone had been disabled.  So she called VZ and asked, “Why did you turn off my phone?”

They said, “Because you incurred $1800 of roaming fees last week in Israel.”

So Rebecca says, “Uhh…excuse me?  How is that possible?  I didn’t even use it.”

“But we show that you had wireless data roaming for about a day.”

“Oh my gosh…I know what happened.  My phone accidentally turned on inside of my purse.  When I saw it was on, I turned it off.  I didn’t make any calls or anything though.”

“Well, we’re showing that the charges are valid and you did incur data fees, so you owe us the money.”

“Wait a second…I DIDN’T, USE, THE, PHONE!  Do you see any outgoing calls?”

“No.”

“Were there any incoming calls?”

“No.”

“Do you see any outgoing text messages?”

“No.”

“So obviously I’m not lying to you.  My phone turned on accidentally.  Can’t you just remove the charges?”

“We have to charge the account first, and then we can remove them for you.”

“What?”

“Yes maam, to remove the charges we have to wait until the next billing cycle.”

“Ok, I’ll call you back when I get my next bill.  Thanks.”

Several weeks pass by and the phone bill arrives with the $1800 roaming charges.  Rebecca calls back and says, “Hi, I’ve got a dispute on some roaming charges that I need to take care of can you help me with that?”

“Sure, I’d be happy to assist you.  Let me pull up your account infor…oh my GOSH!!  Yes, I see.  Wow…that’s quite a large amount of roaming charges.  Let me see what I can do to take care of this for you.  Please hold.”

<Hold music…doo dee doo doo dee doo doo….about 5 minutes go by…>

“Ok, Rebecca, I am only going to be able to credit 25% of these roaming charges to your account.  So your new total will be $1,350.”

“Excuse me???  What are you talking about??  Why can you only remove 25%?  That ridiculous…I didn’t use the phone.  The stupid phone turned on and started doing stuff and I didn’t notice.”

“Well Rebecca, I see a note here that we attempted to call you while you were in Israel to tell you that your phone was on.  But your voicemail box was full.”

“Well, duh!  I wasn’t checking my voicemail because I DIDN’T WANT TO GET ROAMING CHARGES!  That makes sense, right??”

“Yes, I completely understand.”

“Well then, why can’t you reverse 100% of the charges?”

“Because I can’t.”

“Well, is there a supervisor I can speak with?”

“Yes, please hold and I’ll transfer you.”

<Hold music…doo dee doo doo dee doo doo….>

“Hi Rebecca, I see that you would like to have some roaming charges removed from your account?”

Rebecca explains the whole story again…

“Yes, I understand.  If you would have called us before you left, we could have changed your plan to an International Roaming and you wouldn’t have incurred these fees.”

“Well how much would that have been?”

“$69.95.”

“Uhh…can I sort of do a ‘time machine rental’ kinda thing and you can charge my account $69.95 now for those fees, and then wipe out the $1800?”

“No, I can’t do that.  But as a supervisor, I can credit your account 50% of the charges.  So you only owe $900.”

“ONLY $900???”

“Yes maam.”

“Put yourself in my shoes for a second…you can see why only paying $900 is still not an acceptable resolution to me, right?”

“Yes, I understand.  If Verizon was at fault, we could credit 100% of the roaming charges.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t intend on using my phone, so why would I have needed to call you?  And as a matter of fact, I stand by the statement THAT I DIDN’T USE THE PHONE.  IT SIMPLY TURNED ON AND STARTED GRABBING DATA!  And since you sold me an HTC Android with a push button power on the case, it is Verizon’s fault.”

“Yes, I completely understand………..”

“………….”

“Maam?”

“I’m just floored at the idea that because my phone turned on, I owe you $900.  But if I would have called just a day beforehand, it would have only been $30 more on my data plan.  So obviously, it’s not like it cost you $1800, right?”

“I’m not sure maam.”

“Well, tell me, why can you only refund 50%?  Is that some sort of arbitrary number in your computer screen that you can only plug in up to that?”

“It’s figured out on a case by case basis.”

“Can you do 51% off?”

“No maam, I can only credit 50% of the charges to your account.”

“Ok, let’s say this… what if my phone was on for 10 days and I racked up $18,000 in roaming fees?  Would you still be able to refund 50% of the amount??”

“It’s on a case by case basis.  I can’t tell you what would happen in that case, only this case.”

“And in this case, the most you can credit me is 50%, or $900, and I still owe you $900 for 1 day of roaming fees.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me, do you have to pay $1800 to Tel Aviv Cellular or Hebrew Wireless to cover the cost?”

“I don’t know maam.”

“Well, it sounds like it costs $69.95 a month, or $1800 a day.  But there’s no way on God’s green earth that you are writing a check to Israel Mobile or whoever for $1800 or anything even remotely close to that amount, so what you’re charging me is pure profit!!!”

“…..”

“Look, it’s this simple.  You can reverse 100% of the roaming charges and continue to bill me $100/month as a happy and relieved Verizon customer, or I’ll cancel my account and you can hound me forever and ever, spending hundred dollars with collection agencies trying to get your damn $1800.  Because this is just ridiculous.  I can’t believe you’re treating a customer this way because I didn’t think to call and change my plan just in case my phone turned on!  It’s OUTRAGEOUS!”

“I’m sorry maam, but there’s really nothing more I can do.”

“Well, is there any one else there I can speak to about this?”

“I can have my manager call you back, but he’s just going to tell you the same thing.”

“Well, I’d like to speak to him anyways and clearly voice my dispute.  I believe the facts are obviously on my side.  I’m not trying to squirm out of something.  In fact, I’m offering to pay you for the backed dated fees of switching my plan, but you’re not willing to do that and I just think it’s sad.”

…………

As of Dec 30, 2010 4:36p MST, after speaking with Verizon Customer Service Supervisor Sheila, extension 1226, Rebecca’s dispute has not been resolved.  I still have hope that someone with a brain and a heart will mark the box that says, “Verizon’s Fault” and then the program will allow them to credit 100% of the fee to her.  When/if that happens, I’ll update this post.  But if this isn’t blatant overcharge and abuse, then I don’t know what is.

—-

Btw, you too can submit your own story at VerizaRape.com.

UPDATE: Based on the comment from Kathryn, Rebecca found Andres Irlando’s name on Verizon and emailed him the following polite, but firm email:

Dear Andres Irlando,

I sincerely hope you are willing to take the time to read this e-mail and come to the correct resolution, for a loyal customer who hopes to continue doing business with your company. However, after having dealt with the horrible customer service the past 2 months, it seems I am thought of as just a “number” at Verizon, instead of a loyal customer.

I have repeatedly called customer service to try and resolve roaming charges to my account while I was in Israel. $1,800 of roaming for one day.

I did not use my phone overseas. I took it with me to use at the US airports only. Customer service stated they can credit 50% of the charges. That is still $900!!

I am willing to pay the $69 it would have cost me for the International package, had I known I needed to call Verizon before I left the country. There is no lock button on my phone, and therefore it turned on, in my purse, un-benounced to me.

Your customer service team is unwilling to work with me in getting this resolved. As I said, I am more than willing to pay the $69 cost for the International Package. This is ludicrous that I have spent so much time trying to resolve the issue, only to hear your customer service team tell me “It isn’t our fault”.

To our shock, Mr. Irlando replied within a few hours saying, (paraphrased, since I didn’t get his permission to post his reply)…

“Thanks for bringing this to my attention.  My apologies for going through this.  I’ve forwarded to one of my people to review your account.  He’ll get back to you ASAP.  I can assure you, you’re more than just a number.”

And by the next day, the situation was resolved!  VZ removed the $1800 roaming fee and had her pay $69 to switch her account over…exactly what Rebecca had been offering to do the whole time!

It’s nice to know that there are real humans at Verizon who can look at a crazy set of circumstances and do right by the customer.

Unfortunately…the customer support supervisor should have been allowed to fix this instead of Rebecca going around them to reach Mr. Irlando.

Rebecca remains a faithful Verizon customer.  And she’s extra excited that VZ is getting the iPhone!

I just had this live chat experience with Skype regarding the automatic renewal — or lack thereof — of 5 online Skype numbers for Jigsaw Health through Skype’s Business Control Panel.

This post with Skype Chat is *almost* as good as my late night chat with Sarah The PayPal Chat Robot.

The next time I get asked, “What’s your greatest weakness?” I’m going to answer — without hesitation — “Double-negatives.”

Any time I saw this question on a test in high school or college, I started to hyperventilate.

Which of the following statements are not true:
A) You never don’t understand double-negatives.
B) You always don’t not understand double-negatives.
C) None of the above are never true.
D) All of the above are true on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
E) Your brain just exploded.

As a user-interaction designer, this internal weakness of mine is a gift.  Since I’m hypersensitive to double-negatives (one might call them my own personal kryptonite), I can help by making simple changes to the words when I see something in a UI that causes me to have cold sweats.

Here’s a perfect example of what I’m talking about.  When I first saw this screen in an app that will remain anonymous, I threw up in my mouth a little.

Let’s count the number of negative statements.

1. The title: “Hide Updates”
2. The text: “Updates that aren’t selected will not be installed.”
3. The checkbox: “Don’t notify me about these updates again.”

That’s 4 negative statements.  In a message box with 17 words.  Nice.

Here’s how to redo this same message box, using all positives.

1. The title: “Show Updates”
2. The text: “Updates that are selected will be installed.”
3. The checkbox: (unchecked) “Yes, Please notify me about these updates again.”

Simple.

The general rule for questions posed to the user: Write them in the positive.

General rule for checkboxes: The act of checking a box should turn that thing ON, not OFF.

See Don’t Make Me Think, and especially GUI Bloopers, Dont’s and Do’s for more commentary.

I recently switch Jigsaw Health from PC + Exchange to Mac + Google Apps.  It was easy.  And it’s been awesome!  It’s no shock that no one is missing their clunky 5 year old Dell desktops.

But perhaps more of a surprise is how swiftly everyone has taken to the Gmail interface after using Outlook all day every day for 5+ years (and more)!

Perhaps a major reason for the smooth transition has been our use of the MailPlane Email App for Gmail.  It’s like a container app for Gmail.

To quote Mailplane,”The most productive way to use Gmail on your Mac” and “Brings Gmail to your Mac desktop.”

There are numerous features about MailPlane that I totally love.  But this screenshot pretty much sums up the basis of my MailPlane crush.  While clicking the Send button, this popped up:

Anticipation of users screwing up.  That’s a brilliant focus on interaction design.

Watch a 2 minute demo of MailPlane.

MailPlane offers a 30 day, fully functional demo.  So if you’re using Mac + Gmail, give it a test drive!

Gmail Keyboard Shortcuts

Turn on keyboard shorcuts in Gmail and use them.  I’m a keyboard JUNKY, and I’m getting super quick at working through my inbox.

Also, there are several AWESOME Gmail Labs features that I turn on for everyone, most notably “Send & Archive” button and default to “Reply To All”.

Shoutout to Justin Youens for recommending MailPlane in the first place.