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Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde

Who is in control of your life? Who’s pulling your strings?

For the majority of us, it’s other people – society, colleagues and friends, family, church or other religious community. We learned this way of operating when we were very young, of course. We were brainwashed. We discovered that feeling important and feeling accepted was a nice experience and so we learned to do everything we could to make other people like us. We didn’t want to be singled out by the crowd for being different because this wasn’t such a nice feeling. We learned this way of being so well that, as adults, we continue – mostly through mutual peer pressure – to keep each other in check. Like sheep without any need for a sheepdog, we keep each other in line.

It works both ways. First, we are afraid of disapproval. Am I dressed right? Will people laugh at my accent? Will I look stupid? Will I make a mistake? When we feel that others think badly of us, it makes us feel bad and so we try to avoid this.

Second, we all want to feel important and so we crave the positive attention of others. This is one of our basic needs, according to Dale Carnegie, author of the multi-million best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People. And so when people stroke our ego and tell us how wonderful we are, it makes us feel good. We crave this good feeling like a drug – we are addicted to it and seek it out wherever we can.

We are so desperate for the approval of others that we live unhappy and limited lives, denying huge swathes of ourselves and failing to do the things we really want to do because we’re worried about what other people will think. Just as drug addicts and alcoholics live impoverished lives to keep getting their fix, so we impoverish our own existence to get our own constant fix of approval.

The drug is so addictive that most people will not give it up – they will keep looking for approval because the hit is so intense. But, just as with any drug, there is a price to pay. The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves. Do you want your drug or do you want to be free? You cannot have both. If you want to pull your own strings, you need to stop giving away your power – you need to genuinely stop caring what other people think about you.

The truth is that it’s all an illusion anyway – you cannot control what other people think. People have their own agenda, they come with their own baggage and, in the end, they’re more interested in themselves than in you; in fact, they’re thinking about themselves ‘morning, noon and after dinner,’ as Carnegie wrote.

If we try to live by the opinions of others, we will build our life on sinking sand. Everyone has a different way of thinking, and people change their opinions all the time. The person who tries to please everyone will only end up getting exhausted and probably pleasing no one in the process.

So how can we take back control? If we are truly ready to give up the drug of approval and importance (which most people are not), I think there’s only one way – make a conscious decision to stop caring what other people think.

This doesn’t mean that you should start to treat people badly, step on them or use them. Why would it? I read somewhere recently that the world would be terrible if nobody cared what other people thought of them. But why so? We all know what’s right and wrong. I have written before about guiding your life by means of a set of values – not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective, purposeful and happy life. We will be actualized and successful.

Only one question remains – do you really want to be free?

We are so socially conditioned that we often need some help in becoming more authentically ourselves. There are many excellent self-help pro grammes available. Check out the Silva Method. It’s a world famous, tried and tested method to take back control. Countless people from all walks of life have been benefiting for decades. Check it out for free here.

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I have a guest post at The Positivity Blog. Thanks to Henrik for putting up the post!

‘Henry David Thoreau said that ‘most men lead lives of quiet desperation,’ and Miguel Torga, the great Portuguese writer, said that ‘life has the meaning we give it — our richness, our enthusiasm, our pride — or our cowardice.’

The search for meaning is a constant theme in our lives and we try to find it in many different ways. I believe that meaning can be found in the way we add to the world. Let me explain.

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Welcome to the fourth edition of the Effortless Abundance Carnival. For each edition, I choose one submission for the top spot and then list the other submissions which I consider to be valuable to my readers. Thanks to all who submitted. There are some great posts here. My favorite this time is Getting Off The Safety Net posted at Arun is Bringing You…Your Daily Remedy. This short article is just what I love - a simple mesage, clearly written and an interestng perspective. Thanks, Arun!

It’s always hard to choose the best. The articles below are all great - you’ll get alot out of them! Happy reading.

Chris Edgar presents Getting Comfortable With “Selling Yourself” posted at Purpose Power Coaching.

Terry Dean presents Internet Scams posted at Integrity Business Blog by Terry Dean.

Avani presents Top 10 Demotivators posted at Avani-Mehta.

Sally Huss presents MONEY posted at Sally Huss - Addicted to Happiness!.

GreatManagement presents What I Learned From Rebecca Thorman About Building Relationships posted at The GreatManagement Blog.

David B. Bohl presents From Greedy to Grateful - Appreciating What You Have posted at Slow Down Fast Today!.

ITAKEOFFTHEMASK presents Positive Thinking Fails the Law of Attraction posted at itakeoffthemask.com.

GreatManagement presents 101 Tasks Helping New Managers to Survive posted at The GreatManagement Blog.

Fred Black presents Toilet Paper Millionaire! posted at Fred Black: Internet Business Blog..

Ralph Jean-Paul presents Doing the Impossible posted at Potential 2 Success.

Nadege presents More shall be given posted at Clearly Envision.

James Lee presents The Power of True Storytelling posted at Online Business Freedom.

Paul Piotrowski presents Why Does it Feel Like You’re Going Backwards posted at Inspired Money Maker.

Gary Evans presents Abundance Is Natural posted at Good To Feel Good.

Anand presents Building High Self-Esteem posted at AnandDhillon.com - Self-Help for Self-Mastery.

Leo presents The Law Of Attraction Series Part 2: Figuring Out What You Truly Want posted at Feel Your Greatness .com.

Thanks to everyone! Please come back soon - the next carnival will e posted on 1 August.

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photo credit: fortinbras

In the last two posts, we looked at affirmations and visualizations, two powerful techniques for tapping into your mind and orchestrating your experience of reality.

It is my belief that hypnosis is the most powerful technique for changing our subconscious programming. We have been conditioned since childhood to see the world in a certain way, and the beliefs under which we operate at a deep, subconscious level have been scripted into us by a process of which we are largely unaware.

If we are to seriously change our experience of life, then hypnosis is a must. To some people, hypnosis might conjure up images of stage shows or thoughts of people being forced to do crazy things against their will.

Like anything, hypnosis can be abused, but in fact it is the most natural and normal thing in the world. Normally, our mind is in a state called ‘beta’ – quite active, with the conscious part of the mind in the driving seat. But when we relax, as we drift off to sleep, when we daydream, we enter another kind of consciousness called ‘alpha.’ This is a different state, sometimes called a ‘trance.’ Hypnosis is simply the deliberate induction of this trance state.

In the alpha state, our conscious mind is less to the fore, and our subconscious is able to take over to a much greater extent. The subconscious, where all our beliefs and scripting lie, is then susceptible to suggestion, and we can take advantage of this openness to introduce new beliefs directly into our mind.

Affirmations and visualizations are good, but in hypnosis we can go more deeply and directly to the place we need to work on.

So do you need to go and make an appointment with a professional hypnotherapist? Well you can do, and if you have serious problems I would suggest you seek out a properly qualified therapist. But there is a lot you can do to without the help of such a person. It is fairly easy to put yourself into a trance state and make hypnotic suggestions to yourself. Even a very light alpha state will have benefits.

Personally I like to use hypnosis scripts on CDs and MP3s. You can download these from the Internet for a few dollars or buy them from a shop. You can also record your own scripts. The best products have music, which contains subliminal messages to reinforce the hypnotic suggestions. I have personally used these and can attest to their effectiveness. The Silva Method, for example, is a wonderful method for achiving your goals through hypnosis.

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I have a guest post at Pick The Brain. Thanks to Peter for putting up the post!

‘Be yourself!’ This is a common piece of advice, often given before an interview or a date or some other occasion when we need to impress. Sounds like a strange piece of advice, though. How could you not be yourself?

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I have a guest post at Dumb Little Man. Thanks to Jay for putting up the post!

‘Be yourself!’ This is a common piece of advice, often given before an interview or a date or some other occasion when we need to impress. Sounds like a strange piece of advice, though. How could you not be yourself?

Read more …

If you like this article, you could …

submit a guest article or an article for the blog carnival. You will get full acknowledgement as the author and a link back to your Site and RSS feed.

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photo credit: ..its.magic..

Imagine a lemon. Look at it – the color, the dimples in the skin. Feel the waxy texture, the smooth shape that tapers off at either end. Smell it – take in that faint lemon smell coming through the skin. Now imagine you’re cutting it open. Use a knife and cut into the flesh. Bring it up to your nose and smell it again. It’s a much stronger smell. Now bite into it. Bite deep into the flesh of the lemon. Can you taste that?

By now, your mouth should be watering. And who said thoughts can’t influence reality?

In order to change the world, we need to change ourselves first. Our mind has been programmed over the years, usually without our being aware of it, and our subconscious programming dictates our experience of life. What we believe to be true at a deep, subconscious level shapes our reality.

For this reason, it is vital that we have the right belief systems operating at this deep level, and affirmations are an excellent way to take control of this process. Some of us (myself included) are ‘verbal learners’ and we respond well to linguistic cues. But many people respond better to visual cues, and for this reason visualization is another important tool which can be used to change our experience.

A visualization is simply a mental image of what we want to achieve. We are constantly creating pictures in our head – playing back things that happened to use earlier in the day and imagining what things are going to be like in the future. Even if, like me, you are not a very ‘visual’ person, you are still visualizing all the time, so the process is not difficult or esoteric. There are, however, some important things to remember.

• It’s best to set aside a time for this. Even ten minutes is fine. Go to a quiet place, not too bright. Sit or lie comfortably, close your eyes and relax.
• Visualize the object or situation that you desire. This one might seem obvious, but only visualize what you really want. If you find your mind wondering off into more mundane or negative images, bring yourself gently back to the object of your visualization. Don’t berate yourself if you lose concentration – just come back to your image.
• Be as detailed as possible. Use every sense, not just sight. Smell that new car interior. Hear the door close behind you. I even read somewhere about imagining licking the leather upholstery. Strange, but it does get you to really be ‘in the moment.’
• Put as much feeling as possible into your image. This is a key ingredient. Try to get really ‘worked up’ about the experience.
• Put yourself in the picture. Otherwise, what you’re imagining might come true, but you won’t be there!
• Use soundtracks. You can download visualization MP3s and buy CDs with nice sound tracks or other products to help with your visualizations. I personally use these because I always think my imagination is weak and I need a bit of help. Use them if you need to.

Finally, keep an open mind. Sometimes things don’t happen exactly as we expect and imagine, but you’ll be amazed at the results of this if you practice regularly.

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photo credit: royere

This blog is all about how to attract abundance – success, happiness, financial wealth, health and well-being, confidence – into your life by the proper use of your mind.

I first came across the idea that our subconscious mind is the key to fulfilling our dreams when I was a teenager, and in the (many!) years since then I have been an avid reader on the subject. I have read dozens of books and read many accounts of how thing the subconscious mind has led to untold benefits, as I believe it has done in my own life. I am absolutely convinced that the subconscious is the key to everything - the strangest, most powerful and most misunderstood thing int he universe. One of the best reads is Joseph Murphy’s classic book, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. In the book, Murphy sets out how, through the power of your subconscious, you can (to use Murphy’s slightly old fashioned language!)

• Win riches and prosperity
• Regain former youthfulness and vigor
• Work real miracles in the lives of others
• Find new peace of mind

There are many ways to tap into the power of your subconscious mind, but I believe that there are three techniques which have more power and are more effective than the rest. In a series of articles, I will be exploring these three techniques. The first technique is the proper use of affirmations.

What is an affirmation? When you affirm something, you are saying that it is true or a fact. So an ‘affirmation’ is simply a verbal statement which you regard to be true. Our view of the world (and of ourselves) springs from our subconscious. It is here that we keep a picture of the world; here lies our happiness, our confidence, our success; here lies all our truth – whether we think the world is a caring and nurturing place or lonely and cruel – it all comes from our subconscious mind.

Unless you have worked deliberately to change it, the picture of the world you have created came mainly from your childhood. It has been there for a long time and you will believe that it is the truth. But the real truth is that you are projecting your image of the world onto the world which is, largely, a neutral environment to be interpreted. For example, some people see money as a wonderful, beautiful thing, while others see it as ‘filthy lucre.’ But money is just money – inanimate, passive, neutral. Our views about it are entirely our own creation.

If you make affirmations which are incongruent with the picture of the word you have created in your subconscious, you will experience some resistance and may feel foolish saying things to yourself which you do not believe to be true. But as you keep repeating positive affirmations, you will chip away at this resistance, and eventually your inner picture of yourself and the world will change accordingly. It’s a kind of ‘conscious brainwashing.’

As with many things, growth happens in fits and starts. There can be a period of time when nothing seems to be happening. You might keep repeating your affirmations with no apparent results, and many people will get discouraged and give up. But this period is like a plant growing under the surface if the earth – it takes time to grow, but eventually it erupts from the soil and, soon, there is a riot of color and growth. After a fallow time, the results of affirmations can be sudden and startling.

So what makes a good affirmation? There are two simple things to remember. First, affirmations must be positive. Don’t say ‘I am not sick.’ Say ‘I am well.’ Instead of saying, ‘I am not poor,’ say ‘I am wealthy.’ You get the idea. Second, affirmations must be in the present tense. For example, don’t say ‘I want to be happy’ or ‘I am going to be happy.’ Say, ‘I am happy.’ With these two things in mind, go through the following simple process to construct your own affirmations.

First, think about your life and write down the areas you would like to improve. Think carefully about this and be honest with yourself. You don’t have to share this or discuss it with anyone, but being candid with yourself is important.

Second, for each area, write down several positive, affirming statements. Think about what you want your life in these areas to be like, and write down positive, affirming, present tense descriptions of the picture which emerges.

There are many ways to work with affirmations. You could, for example, work with subliminal affirmations. When you consciously re-script yourself by using techniques such as this, you will experience abundance flowing into your life in an effortless way.

You might like to try the Sculptor 3 Affirmation Program, which will teach you more about affirmations and manifesting techniques.

A user of the Sculptor 3 system writes, ‘Your program made me consistently do a specified amount of affirmations every single day. The added features enhanced the whole experience. I study many of the same things you do but you put it all together so nicely. I can hardly wait for the next round of affirmations. Many blessings and many thanks, Dhulkti Bartoloni.’

If you’re not completely happy, you can return the programme within 8 weeks. So you have nothing to lose and perhaps alot to gain. Click here to try it out.

For some great free info, check out vitalaffirmations.com

The next article in this series will focus on another powerful technique to bring abundance into your life.

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photo credit: gerry balding

Welcome to the third edition of the Effortless Abundance Carnival. For each edition, I choose one submission for the top spot and then list the other submissions which I consider to be valuable to my readers. As usual, there are some really outstanding articles here - enjoy!

My favorite submission this month is Why’s everyone always picking on me, posted by Kathleen Gage at Daily Awareness.

Here are the best of the other submissions …

Ezra Gardener presents Financial Freedom Made Easy posted at Ezra’s Writings.

Michel Fortin presents Apply The Law of Contrast to Build Desire posted at The Michel Fortin Blog.

Jose DeJesus MD presents Become a Successful Entrepreneur posted at Physician Entrepreneur.

Avani presents Do you really have a choice? posted at Avani-Mehta.

Dawn Abraham Life Coach presents The Secret posted at Qualified Life Coach.Com.

Brice Hogan presents Financial Independence It Ain’t Hard posted at Financialzip.com.

Ralph Jean-Paul presents How to Assert Yourself Effectively posted at Potential 2 Success.

David B. Bohl presents Discontent: the Jumping Point for Your Future Success and Happiness posted at Slow Down Fast Today!.

Erek Ostrowski presents Manifesting a Job You Actually Want posted at Verve Coaching.

Dereck presents How to become what you want to become, in about two days posted at I Will Not Die.

Gary Evans presents 3 Ways To Detach From An Outcome posted at Good To Feel Good.

GreatManagement presents Get Rid Of Your Bad Habits Once And For All posted at The GreatManagement Blog.

sarah presents How to dine at fancy-schmancy restaurants on the CHEAP posted at SARAHSPY.

David B. Bohl presents Success: Are We There Yet? posted at Slow Down Fast Life Coaching and Lifestyle Design.

Ralph Jean-Paul presents How to Network Like a Pro posted at Potential 2 Success.

Thanks to all who submitted to the carnival. You are welcome to submit an article for the blog carnival.

For the next edition, please submit articles which have a broad focus on becoming more abundant in any area, but particularly focusing on the use of the subconscious mind.

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After weeks of trying to get it set up, I am launching a newsletter from the Site. I plan to send out a (more or less) weekly newsletter with short snappy articles on topics of interest to readers of my blog. I hope that this will get my message out to a wider audience.

I invite all my readers to sign up. Just type your e-mail address into the form on the left of the page. You’ll get the first edition in a few days!

Why would you want to subscribe to this newsletter?

Well, there are lots of reasons. Here are ten of them …

1. The content is targeted to the readership of the Site, based on feedback I have received since starting the blog, so you will find it relevant.
2. The articles will summarize recent Site content, so you can get a ‘distilled’ form of the blog in a weekly e-mail.
3. The newsletter will give you a quick ‘injection’ of inspiration on a regular basis, even if you don’t have time to read the blog.
4. There will be a regular book recommendation, again targeted to the Site readership.
5. Websites and other online resources will be reviewed.
6. Special offers and products might be mentioned from time to time which you may find interesting or useful.
7. It’s an interactive service – tell me what you want and I’ll try my best to deliver.
8. It’s free. Forever.
9. You’re totally in control. You can try it out and unsubscribe at any time if you don’t find it helpful.
10. The content isn’t just useful - it’s entertaining!

One final but essential thing – I hate spam as much as anyone. I get hundreds (or is that thousands?) of spam e-mails every week, so I know how annoying it is. Your privacy is important, so I will NEVER give away or sell your address to anyone.

Thanks to all my readers for your friendship and support over the past few months. It has meant alot to me.

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