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Winners announced… whenever.

(If you’re viewing this on Facebook, please click through to the original to post your caption!)

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Got an iPhone (or iPod)-loving Mom on the go? Help her get her groove on while driving with the Monster iCarPlay Wireless Plus FM Transmitter/Charger for iPod ($17.99). Not only will she be able to groove to her favorite iTunes but since the iCarPlay lets her talk on her iPhone hands-free through her mini-van’s car stereo system, she’ll be able to safely flip off all those annoying drivers who forget to use their freaking turn signals.

Okay, I have to admit: I first bought this for the Venomous Hubby’s birthday, but it wasn’t long before I came down with a severe case of monitor envy. I mean, here I’m always worried about crow’s feet and those annoying red spots on the side of my nose that my glasses leave, and HE had a monitor big enough to read email from across the room? We’re now the proud owners of not one but two of these bad boys. So why does the woman in your life need this massive I-Inc Lcd 28″ LCD Monitor (at the comparatively low price of $319)? Why, so you can play Dragon Age: Origins after she’s passed out from all of that hardcore Christmas Day cooking, of course!

What’s better than a video camera that slips into a purse so it’s handy when Mom wants to record her kid scoring the winning goal or starring in yet another dance recital? A video camera so small she’ll have it available to roll your own homemade pr0n when the two of you are “doing laundry” or whatever it is you’re doing behind that locked door while the kiddies stand there asking “Why does Mommy sound like she’s choking?” With the Flip UltraHD Camcorder, 120 Minutes ($149.99) you can have it all!

Know what sucks more than spending your morning making sure everyone’s awake, fed, dressed and ready to head off to school/work/community service only to find that someone finished off the coffee and didn’t bother to make a fresh pot? Nothing! Keep the household CEO sufficiently caffeinated with this Keurig B40 Elite Gourmet Single-Cup Home-Brewing System($98). It brews a fresh cuppa in a matter of seconds, comes with a nice sampler of coffee and teas to start, and ensures you’ll never have an empty coffee pot come flying at your head because you forgot — again — to make more after topping off your travel mug. (For you frugal-minded folks check out the Keurig My K-Cup Reusable Coffee Filter that lets you use your own (cheap) grind instead of shelling out for new K-Cups. $8.99)

Okay, no one likes labels being attached to them. But to their stuff? Well, that’s another matter. Let her indulge her inner control-freak with the Brother PT-80 P-touch Electronic Labeling System ($13.19). It’s perfect for labeling files, spice jars, shelves, keys and just about everything else. Just don’t blame me if you come home to find, as VH once did, that she’s gone a little bat shit crazy and labeled the light switches, too. (Hey, it saves electricity and light bulbs, so how crazy can it be???)

If you’ve already gone ahead and bought her a bath set, don’t worry: there’s still time to redeem yourself. Couple it with this gorgeous 100% Silk Robe ($109.00) and a coupon promising you’ll take the kiddies out so she can soak in the tub without interruption, and you might just get to stuff her “stocking” come Christmas night, too!

So, what’s on your Christmas Wish List this year? Share in the comments if you’re so inclined, and feel free to leave this page conveniently visible on your monitor in the hope your spouse and/or kids see it.

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That is all.

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Lately, though, he’s taken to hurrying ahead of me then throwing himself on his side, belly up and yowling loudly, his way of saying “Play with me! Play with meeeeeee!” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly broken my neck trying to step over him, or sidestepping out if his way when he comes running after me, still yowling.

You’d think he’d realize that it doesn’t work for my husband, so why bother?

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Man, I’d come out for my Big Reveal and start throwing punches. Granted, I’d be wearing designer clothes (and shoes!) while doing it, but my friends and family’s next TV appearance would only be suitable for Discovery Health.

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Like I said before, the yummy holiday treats will be there next year and I’m certain they’ll taste better when I’m thin.

Ten and a half pounds gone. Mumble-mumble more to go.

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So while I feel very optimistic right now, it’s easy to feel that way the day before a diet starts. Tomorrow I’ll no doubt run into bumps in the road, and by this time next week those bumps might look more like big freaking huge mountains to climb. But why borrow worries? I’m feeling hopeful today.

As an added incentive, though, I’m starting a series of entries to remind myself of things that will change when I’m thin. Such as…

When I’m thin I won’t have to pretend that 3/4 of my clothing is black because I like it that way.

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