It's Level 5 Somewhere

2010

2010-01-03T03:27:00.006Z

You just know I had to drop a hot one (like it's hot!).

Let me explain my absence. School started last September and well, I had things to do. Anyway, back to... Whatever it is we do around here. All the tv shows I like watching ended a season and they haven't started back up, I've not got an ETA on them, and what with the aforementioned school, I haven't really had time to wonder about them. The Unit, Stargate Universe, Flashforward, they're all on hold. I occasionally see them on tv but they're re-runs. At least I think they are. I can always jump in again later anyway.

In other news, I saw Avatar in the cinema, and... it was good. Very good. That is all I will say about it, because it's slightly anvilicious but once you get past that (or if you can), it's a very good action movie. Come to think of it, I've seen a lot of new movies lately Videogames also keep coming out and I'm still on the fringe, seeing as I have no money to buy them. I do have a hit list though! Oh yeah, My computer's also making funny noises. I do not know what to do and I'm putting it down to old age, seeing as I installed Windows 7 on it... Oh well, if it dies, new computer! I probably shouldn't be thinking about it like that but oh well. On the bright side, I've been reading a lot of novels lately... Reviews to come later, methinks.

All in all, it was a good 2009. Looking very forward to 2010, mostly for the movies but also because well, it's a new year. I can't wait for summer

The Unit

2009-10-24T07:29:00.004+01:00

I gotta say, I really like The Unit now. A large part of that is due to the intro theme tune, which has me dancing to it if i happen to be on my feet when it kicks in. I actually want to know what's happening with Jonas & company, and I like their day to day (or perhaps mission to mission) exploits. As before, i much prefer the show when it focuses on the unit itself, but the wives have sorta grown on me. I caught the season finale last night (although I still don't know what season it is), and it was pretty good i thought, if a little confusing in places. I don't know how to describe it to someone who hasn't seen it (the whole show, not last night's episode). Like, each episode's mission is self contained, but you get occasional call backs to previous episodes, and then several episodes down the line it all comes together, but not so much that you lose the thread if you miss one episode. It works for the most part.

Flashforward is just there, and with the revelation that the future guy is in on the conspiracy it's just annoying. We're what, four episodes in and this was dropped already? It's something that could have been held back for a few more episodes at least. I liked the bit about the guy who needed surgery, the way the visions might influence people's jobs was interesting. The problem I find with it is that it's still. a self fulfilling prophecy. Like, a guy sees himself at a job six months down the line, so he applies for the job. To steal and mangle a quote from The Oracle in The Matrix, would he still have applied for the job if he hadn't seen anything? It's like the show's basically said "This is what will happen, so stfu and make it happen" I don't really like that, but whatever. As long it doesn't get too far up it's own quantum singularity, i'm fine with it

The Unit

2009-10-07T12:48:00.004+01:00

So I started watching this show too, right after i watched FlashForward actually. I'd heard a lot about it, mostly good things but you know how people are, they'll always gush about shows they like. My first impression's mostly good, because hey i like the action shows. The only detriment is the bit about the personal lives of the soldiers. It's probably because i've literally just jumped into the series (I don't even know what episode in what season i am), but i don't care about the Wives and Girlfriends. It just felt like such a distraction from the main story, like a useless subplot about some dude who's getting engaged and how he doesn't make it back, blah blah blah. In comparison, the main plot is about the unit giving America's support to this insurgent General in some other country. It features a kidnapping, attempted interrogationm, and intrigue. Yanking me away right in the middle of wondering just who kidnapped the senator to talk about some people i don't know or care about isn't very wise. I stuck with it only because i know the show by its very nature will have action scenes sooner or later

I must say, i've been watching a lot of tv recently. I was watching the new Knight Rider series up until it ended (once again i jumped in at the middle, and i hope it was season 1 that just ended), and i really liked it. While it got a bit stupid towards the end, watching a cool car transform is always enjoyabe. More videogames later.

FlashForward

2009-10-06T21:25:00.003+01:00

I finally got round to watching the show, and my first impression is... meh. The premise sounds good, but I don't particularly like any of the characters, or want to know about them. Yes i know it was the first episode, but they're just not that particularly likeable to me. Everyone's blacked out for 2.17mins... and we're about 45 minutes into the episode before they get round to reviewing the security tapes, the eyes that never sleep. And right at the beginning of the episode we have the "four hours earlier" flashback. In a show called FlashForward. Mildly annoying, because i dunno why they couldn't have done it in a straight forward manner- Start the day/episode normally, make it seem like just another detective/cop series, and then BAM! Right in the middle of the car chase, you hit em with your flashforward. That way, i'm marginally interested in whether Agent Whatshisface will ever make it back home and fix the garage door (he does, but at that point i don't care anymore, i just want to know what the flashforward was about). Also at the beginning of the episode we have the naughty babysitter, whose charge is sleeping... In the middle of the day... Because there's no school... And because she (the babysitter) does not have better things to do with her life on a weekday morning than to babysit some random kid.

Also what's with the stupid love notes by the main characters? It's not funny or clever, it's just odd. "I hope I never see you again"? That would elicit a major WTF from me, but i suppose they deserve each other because he whispers "I hate you too" to her. I dunno, i truly do not care about any of these people, i just want to know what happened, how it happened, and why it happened. You could replace the entire cast with the people from Firefly, and i'd still be ambivalent about it. Actually, I would be much more interested, because those characters have funny dialogue, or at least conversations that make you want to know more.

I like the premise, but i think it's seriously let down by the characters. If such a thing happened globally, people wouldn't be interested in finding out whodunnit, they'd be searching for meaning and dealing with the ramifications. Not one hour after zero hour the FBI guys are strutting about and taking charge and going on about "set up an interagency database... blah blah blah". No one calls their loved ones? No one wants to know if their nan is okay? Only the main character calls his wife, everybody else just keeps calm and carries on... The same main character who was just in a traffic collision and at the very least has a concussion but he's right as rain, naturally. If i was one of the guys in their meeting room, i'd be like "Stick your frickin' plan where the sun don't shine mate, i'm going to take the rest of the day off and see about me mates/family/dog/cat/rabbit". To put it simply, they're not behaving like real people. Sure you could say lots of other shows are guilty of the same thing, but either the premise is good enough that you ignore it, or the sfx are shiny enough that they distract you.

The only reason i'm going to keep watching is because of the Man in Black, who was randomly walking about a baseball stadium. I want to know more about him, for several reasons:

What kind of stupid villain (hey, he's obviously the bad guy here) manages to execute his plan successfully, but is in a baseball stadium when it happens? To see the effect? I'd much rather be in a bank, or a shop, ready to rob the living daylights out of them
Why would a villain want to cause the entire human population to not just black out, but experience future visions for 2.17mins? If you want to destroy the world, okay you're a misanthropist. We know your story. If you want to take over the world, okay you've got a huge power trip going on. We got your number too. But making everyone see the future for a little over 2mins... Yeah, you're either a weirdo or your plan failed. In either case, i want to know what sort of weirdo you are or what the original plan was if in fact it did fail. If it didn't fail then you're just a rubbish villain, and i won't bother with the show

Another immediate problem with the show is that it's a self-fulfilling prophecy writ large. The main character sees a vision of himself drinking (he's a recovering alcoholic) and investigating the event. So what does he do? He goes ahead and investigates the event, even going so far as to put the notes on the wall in the same places they were in his vision. I'm just waiting for him to break out the schnapps and fall off the bandwagon. If it was me (and i hope, any rational individual), i'd quit the instant i saw where it was going. I can't investigate anything if i'm unemployed now can i? I might still end up drinking, but at least it wouldn't have been my own doing.

Let's hope this doesn't turn into another Lost (winner of the most retarded tv show in the history of mankind) or another Heroes (which got confused, distracted and eventually senile)

Siji's Bulletproof Plan to Solve Electricity in Nigeria Once & For All

2009-10-01T22:52:00.005+01:00

This was very coherent and organised in my head but that was four or five hours ago, so deal with it.

Solar Power is the future. You build a huge mirror farm, angled to follow the sun and reflect light onto a tower. The resultant energy is used to boil water and generate electricity. You now have your first power station. Being brand new and rated to be able to supply at least one state, you connect it to the grid and set it as spinning reserve, so that it'll take the load when PCHN (inevitably) drops the ball. It should pick up the slack for as many states as is energy efficient, and cost effective. This is a patch, and we don't want our patch to fail. Of course, you build as many of the power stations as needed to make the patch work. Just as long as you bear in mind that it's just a stop gap solution.

So while you have a more stable supply, you get to work on several more (solar!) power stations. According to wikipedia, the UK has 181 large power stations generating about 80GW, so when i say several, i mean hundreds (load forecasting will give you a ballpark figure here, but feel free to go nuts). This new batch of stations will be the foundations of the new National Grid, so you take your time to build substations and lay down some pipe- er, i mean cable. You do a thorough job here, so much so that even the Fulani nomad with his cattle herd can charge his cell phone at the next oasis. No point having all that juice if everybody can't drink some of it, right? So you wire up everybody. You install infrastructure, from the ground up. Meters, transformers, generators, the works.

This will take decades (hopefully just one, but you know Nigerians) so while all this building is going on, start a publicity campaign. Absolutely blitz the masses- POWER IS COMING TO NIGERIA IN 20XX! Hire models if you have to. Hire translators if you have to. Just make sure the entire country knows what's up, that they have the right mindset: No more tapping electricity from overhead wires. No more generators or having to buy the diesel for them. No more secondary circuit systems for the house (one for gen, one for nepa lol). Pay for your electricity by card or cash at the bank, into the Grid's account. When the doubters, detractors and saboteurs raise their ugly heads, you point to the patch you built earlier, which should have drastically reduced the black outs and brown outs. It should also have increased power quality, but that's just a bonus. Then you tell the naysayers to sit down and shut up. When the first of the N-Series (N for Naija, naturally :P) power station comes online, you throw a big launch (most definitely not an 'owambe' party!), you let everyone know that if they thought you were joking before then homie, this shit just got real.

So all the power stations are online. There's power all day every day. You've set your price reasonably (although let's face it, most people would be willing to pay more as long as they had a steady supply. You're really just buying goodwill by setting fair prices). Now it's time to go sort out the old infrastructure. You decommission your patch, and since you now have a new, independent grid, you are free to either dismantle or rejuvenate the old power stations. At this point, i'd rather decommission the old equipment, and keep the patch. Being more recent, it should be relatively easier to integrate it into the grid, and you can sell the surplus- Profit for you! Now you have to protect your investment, but that part should be relatively simple- Why on earth would anybody want to shut down a power station, you ask? Well I doubt they'd miss the dark ages that much, but there's always that one crazy person isn't there? And you know nigerians, as soon as one of the power stations goes offline and you have a black out for 5minutes, everybody will panic and decry your new system and wonder why they ever bothered and they should have stuck to their deisel generators, yada yada. I'm joking, i'm joking!. Anyway, you protect your investment by investing heavily in competent staff to man the stations. If you need physical protection, well, employ guards. As an aside, this whole project will create jobs like crazy.

Since nothing in life is ever simple, this comes with some caveats:

This would have to be a government operation from the get go. The initial costs are something that only a government could afford. But hell, what are taxes for anyway? They sure as hell aren't going towards any form of civic amenities! So- Government funded project on government land (So there are no disputes about anything). Also, the government might (or probably will) have to run the project at a massive loss, but considering the pay off... I'd say it was worth it. Also, the government can help with protection- All the power stations will be government installations, so they might as well have the military guarding them. It's not like Nigeria's fighting any wars or something.

My mom also reminded me that it's all political so naturally, no matter how brilliant the proposal is, somebody would find a reason not to do it. So, find somebody who is prepared to back you all the way to the bank. You don't need funding (since it's government funded) but you do need friends. If your Godfather can get the right person to listen to you, then his job's done. Don't get bogged down in where to site the stations: When they say to put one in Maiduguri, just to represent, tell them "piss off mate, my losses will be astronomical!" Don't worry, your fellow engineers will know what you're talking about.

She had a few other points as well but i've forgotten what they were- I'm looking at this as an engineering problem, not a social or political one. Those i'll leave to smarter folk. And before anyone jumps on me for presuming to know everything, I just want to say i'm trying to help. While I'm not particularly patriotic, (i mean like Nigeria as much as a guy can like a country) i sure do want it to be as great as it can possibly be. This is just an idea i've had for a while now, and today it solidified.

Share this if you like it, and Happy Independence Day

Midnight Club LA

2009-09-25T02:45:00.002+01:00

So I just watched a review of this game on youtube. The guy talks about the game, but he doesn't actually review it. He just says how it's a great game, how it's similar to GTA4 (a similarity i don't see myself). Sure it's a great game, sure it had a lot of customisation options, but what about the gameplay itself? I thought i'd take a crack at it.

Okay so it's a racing game, you win races, you get money, you get more/better cars. It's not original in that respect, but whatever. It's got a story, a premise for why you'd want to be street racing to begin with, but it's extremely threadbare as it should be. On the other hand, I actually found myself liking the characters and their lines whenever they came up. I gather the new guy needs to win either respect or rep, before he can be taken seriously and allowed to race with the pros. The City's the real star of the game, i found it very intelligently designed. I'm not sure whether that's a testament to the skill of the game designers, or the city planners who designed Los Angeles itself. Whatever, it's actually fun to drive around in. The GPS map system is also cool, your map view is a live (besides you, of course) representation of the city night and day. I don't like how you can't zoom in though. Instead of a proper zoom, it tilts the view in and out.

I also don't like the cops. Not only are they much too aggressive, they are everywhere. I've been busted for stopping behind some other car at a red light. I've been busted on my way to an event, dumped at the police station, then busted again the second time i made my way to the event. I think a patch or something made it so they don't have a chance of appearing in all races, only some, but in free roam there's no such luck. If you see a cop coming, don't just park and wait for him to go by, actively avoid him. Do a handbrake turn, and go the other way. These days I free roam online, because there are no missions, no pedestrians, and most definitely no cops.

Another thing i don't like is the mission acquisition system. You get missions by way of a call on your t-mobile sidekick. Not a problem in itself, the problem comes because the sidekick blocks your mini map entirely. Sure you can dismiss it, but considering that the main map is also unavailable while it's blocked, it's a pretty big negative. For some reason (maybe it's just me), it also pops up at the worst of times. Like, in the middle of a Freeway race, or when the cops are after me, or in a Red Light race. I really hate getting missions in Midnight Club LA. A little envelop would have sufficed to let me know I had mail afterall.

I don't like night time in the city, because the races automatically become harder. For some reason, even though you flash your high beams at other drivers to initiate a race, you can't toggle them on or off for night driving. And your low beams are nowhere near bright enough. The game is also unfairly hard. Apparently it used to be insanely hard, but now it's just unfair. I don't know how to explain it, but it's not just rubberbanding AI, or magically increased traffic density. It's the feeling that you're not going to win the race right from the start despite having a car on equal footing with the rest of the pack, and slighty above average skills. Whatever happened to proper difficulty settings? Even though almost nobody plays Halo on Easy, it's still an option. A phrase I heard somewhere regarding easy difficulty is: "My grandma should be able to play it and have fun" or words to that effect.

In the game's defence, winning all the races is only a required for some of them, not all. I think you have to win all the mission based ones but the free roam races can be lost, and you'll still get money and rep (more for winning, obviously). That's basically what i've been doing although there's this one race that i still can't win, despite changing up to a better car. Hum. The game's audio is weird. It sounds like they mixed the music with the sfx, meaning the engines always sound louder than the music, and both sound louder than the mission descriptions. This is also a problem i have with Burnout Paradise so it might actually be something to do with my set up.

It's a really good game, the cars handle as expected, sound as expected to. It's faults are just too... irritating to make you truly enjoy it for long stretches.

Avatar

2009-09-21T19:20:00.002+01:00

This right here is a movie i'm looking forward to, but i have to say i'm extremely annoyed by the idiotic IGN people who did the video, along with the critics. The video i'm talking about can be found here: http://uk.movies.ign.com/dor/objects/800318/avatar/videos/Avatar_long_26082009.html;jsessionid=1mbhlnnba8sbt

You notice how they all seem to have this unfounded idea that some guy's taming some creature? That's stupid! The clips shown aren't long enough to infer any such conclusion, all they show is that the creature screams at him, he jumps on, they fly away. End of story. How do you go from that to "Oh, he tames this creature"?! Besides, so what if he's taming a freaking pterodactyl?! If that's the movie's big appeal, it's failed already.

Second, what is the big deal about it being in 3d? SPY KIDS 3 was in 3d, and it was hardly the first! What's the big deal about there being cool monsters? Or is it cool aliens? Neither are new, Star Wars had bigger and badder aliens from the 70s, and so did Alien. So what if the main characters are blue? It's not exactly a special colour or something. They look like Elves from Lord of the Rings, with blue body paint on.

Just to be clear, I'm not hating on the movie itself, it actually looks interesting, and will probably be a pretty good action or sci-fi flick. What i don't like is the brainless hype surrounding it, all over what, less than 10 minutes of footage. None of the movie's themes are new (but that's not a bad thing), but if the story can stand up on its own, then it won't matter. What won't help is stupid "journalists" and "film critics" talking shit without thinking first. "OOoh, it's in 3d! Ooh it's got monsters and aliens! Ooh, the aliens are taming the monsters! Ooh, they're all fighting with human soldiers!" Please. Starship Troopers had monsters who meant business, not these dinosaur wannabes.

Also, watch out for the guy talking about the water's particle effects. Because you know, they just couldn't film real, actual, flowing water so they had to reverse engineer it (obviously) and make a CGI version.

Videogames

2009-09-16T18:36:00.003+01:00

Recently I've been playing [Prototype], following the story of Alex Mercer, jackass extraordinaire. It's a good game, the story goes like this: Alex wakes up in a morgue (literally about to be autopsied) and after an encounter with soldiers, realises he's bulletproof. After deducing that he's been infected with some sort of virus (dude, there's always a virus) he decides to go on a rampage to "Find out who did this" to him, and "Make them pay". I'm not entirely sure why, as i'd say being superstrong, bulletproof, able to leap small buildings with a single bound and simply run up tall ones, able to glide down to the ground from the empire state building or otherwise simply survive the fall would be a good thing. Some people will always just be ungrateful no matter what you do. Anyway that's the intro and as you play along, you get more and more info. The Virus was released in Penn Station. Some elite soldiers called Blackwatch (dude, there are always elite soldiers with a cool name) have been sent into New York to eliminate all traces of the virus, (yeah, because bullets work great against micro-organisms) and in particular, Alex Mercer.

Rather than hiring him and testing the limits of his powers and finding out what makes him tick with his compliance they decide to have a shoot on sight policy (District 9 is also guilty of this). Naturally, given that he's stronger and faster than they are, it doesn't go too well for them whenever a showdown occurs on the mean streets of New York. And boy howdy are they mean. If it's not the Marines jealously guarding their bases, it's the freaking annoying infected getting in your way. If you want to take down a hive, you have to fight the marines AND the infected. On the other hand, if you destroy a base you might- no, will kill a memory strand that's in there. Assuming one's in there. I've infiltrated a couple of bases (no easy task i promise you), only to find it devoid of anyone to consume.

Which brings me to the Web of Intrigue. Alex is slightly amnesiac, meaning he remembers things like siblings and past loves, but not how he ended up in the morgue. So occasionally, while flying around causing trouble, you might spot someone who does know all about the virus (well, their part in it anyway) and what exactly happened. You consume him, you gain his memory, and you learn a bit more about the story. There are a huge number of WOI targets (100+), but there's a slight problem with their acquisition: A large number of them spawn in infected areas so if you're not quick on your feet, one of two things will happen: Either a gorram motherfrakking tank will blow the hell out of your target, or a gruddammed stomm eating infected zombie will pimp slap the hell out of your target, meaning a 5-10min wait for the person to respawn.

I have no idea why they did it like this, or why they couldn't at least make the targets stronger. I mean, there are collectables in the city that you have to find, why couldn't they have made the WOI targets like that? As it is, I've been after a target at least 3 times before giving up and doing something else- Once i grabbed the wrong person and accidentally threw him at my target, second time the tank blew everybody up (talk about overkill, using the main gun when you have two machine guns), and third time, some freaking random zombie slapped the hell out of my target. I was so frustrated i unleashed a devastator attack and killed everybody in the area. The game is remarkably good though inane in parts (in favour of gameplay, it must be noted), and it is decidedly frustrating. The only reason i got through it, was that i played it on easy. I can't imagine doing it on hard.

Heh and to think, I was gonna talk about 3 different games.

In The Future, We Will All Have Time Machines

2009-09-14T13:15:00.003+01:00

No really, we will.

A common objection to the idea or possibility of time machines is that if they were going to be made, someone would have come back already. I think this is faulty logic, starting with the assumption that they'd have any reason to come back at all. If I had a time machine, I would not travel into the past beyond... 1970. I think that's when the modern age got born, with it taking off around the 90s. I most certainly would not go anywhere near 1950 and beyond. This is the time when everybody was afraid of sputnik (go see The Iron Giant), and then i turn up in a field with a shimmering piece of high-no, future technology? The Government (whichever one it was) would be on me so fast it would seem pre-planned.

Same with the future people. Maybe time machines won't be invented until the year 3325, and everybody suddenly realises that "Oh crap, I can't go back beyond the year 3000, because I won't have anywhere to dock my brain port, plus I get all those feeds from rsat-32ghd (residential satellite number 32, geographic channel hd. Naturally) and that satellite hasn't been built yet, let alone sent into orbit. But where does that leave them? well, it gives them 325 years of their own history to play around in. Hell, i wouldn't want to go beyond 1995 (primarily because of Win95), and even that is a last resort. I'd still have to deal with absolutely no internet connection, or at least be limited to dial up. And not the kind we all love to complain about either, I'm talking about the 9.6kbps era. Man, just thinking about it gives me shivers, no really. The things we take for granted are so interwoven into our daily lives, why on earth would we want to suffer culture shock from our own past? I'd rather have culture shock brought on by aliens.

Another conceit is the idea that a time traveller would announce himself as such. Yeah, because the first thing i'd do when travelling to 1973 would be to say "Whagwanninn bredrin?". You know, because they wouldn't be too astounded by (and suspicious of) my story so i'd have to break into future lingo to prove my claims. Come on people, if we wouldn't do it why do we automatically assume the future people would? For all we know,there are time tourists (along with the time spies, and time cops, obviously) among us, (you know, those people you saw when you were in college, and then again when you finished university and they didn't look any older) quietly directing the course of human technology- perhaps making sure the time machine itself will be invented, setting off a number of paradoxes that result in a rogue time stream that the time cops then have to shut down.

There's a movie in there somewhere, i'm certain of it. Anyway, for your amusement-
Twenty Fun Things To Do With A Time Machine

The Revolution Will Not Be Tweeted.

2009-09-11T00:13:00.002+01:00

Actually, I think it will.

Through the vagaries of social osmosis, I am aware of the phrase "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised". I have absolutely no idea how, when or why I know it, it's just one of those things. I think it was supposed to mean that (social) revolution was not something that would happen and then you'd be told about it, but rather that it's something everybody would be a part of at the same time.

Cue 2009 and half the world is on Facebook, and the other half is on Twitter. I'm on facebook, I find it a useful tool for keeping in touch with people I haven't seen (and barely remember) in decades. Over the last few days though, I joined Twitter, and i'm still not entirely sure why. Or what to do with it now. I'm following Major Nelson so I can get updates on xboxy stuff. I'm following IGN so I can get updates on news/developments/new games. Except, I already go to IGN every couple of days, and Major Nelson doesn't post stuff I'm actually interested in that much. I get that it's supposed to be a platform for "what are you doing?", but my response to that (no, really) is "who wants to know?" Both in the paranoid sense, and as a genuine question. Who really does want to know? The people who might be interested in what I'm doing already have my cellphone number, and as for making friends with similar interests... I already have a Gears of War 2 posse, and I'd really prefer something like facebook, so i could a) see what you look like, b) find out a bit more about you, and c) send a proper message, not one that's limited to 140 characters.

I dunno, I think I'm getting grumpy in my old age, what with all this new tech and "stuff". I want my technology to have true value, true worth. Right now Twitter just seems to have made people walking RSS feeds. I tried seeing which of my friends are on Twitter (because you know, Facebook juuuust doesn't give enough up to the minute information) but apparently none of them are. :/ So this is me, all dressed up and nowhere to go. Or anyone to go with. So... Yeah. I think the revolution will be tweeted, but it'll be by the next generation... more likely the one after that. Heh, I can just picture a Neo-Ché with an AK47 in one hand, iPhone in the other, desperately tweeting how the battle is going to all his foreign supporters.

Who then shake their heads in sympathy, and go right back to watching America's Got Talent.

The Singularity

2009-09-08T17:59:00.002+01:00

Do you remember when cell phones didn't have loudspeakers? Or cameras? Or colour screens? How about touchscreens, do you remember when cell phones didn't have those? Hopefully, you do. Afterall it's been less than a decade since the first one hit the market. I remember my first mobile phone. It was a green Alcatel, i forget which model. Bought at Woolworths (may they rest in peace) for £35. It was so retro, it had an external antenna. This was circa 2000. it's screen was about 1.5cm tall, and it could only send text messages in all caps, and could only store 10 of them. I loved it to bits. Where am I going with this? Well the thing is, given the rate at which new technology is incorporated into everything, soon enough a time is gonna come when you won't be able to walk down the street without a cell phone advertising itself to you, via your phone.

A phone isn't just a phone anymore. Yes yes, old news but take a look at where this phenomenon is leading us to. The Alcatel phone i was talking about could only make calls. It could not record music, or play music, and forget about anything to do with image capture. But now, for a phone to even have a hope of competing in the market, it's got to have all these "features", that at least half of us will never use. The hard drives get bigger, the phones get smaller, the camera megapixel counts go up, and nobody seems to wonder, where will it stop? Take a modern-ish laptop. it's got the hard drive, it probably has a webcam built into the lid and of course, it'll have a media player installed with the OS. At a glance, it already does exactly what the cell phone's offering, and probably does it better. It's screen is bigger than the entire cell phone, it's hdd is bigger, and you can do other things on a laptop. Forgetting the professional uses- programming, image processing/design, etc, - it can play full length movies without worrying about a dying battery. It's a much better prospect for whatever the cell phone wants to do and with the availability of skype it even manages to encroach on the telephony skills of the phone

So... where will the two meet? Will phones get more like computers, or will computers get more like phones? Given the difference in usage, the former seems more likely, but does that mean phones will become obsolete? I don't know, but I do know i spend a hell of a lot more time at my computer (on the order of several hours a day) than on my phone and if my computer could make telephone calls that could be billed to my phone contract (as opposed to taking another contract with skype), with my contacts list seamlessly updated from phone to pc... I wouldn't ever use my phone for anything. Unless I was away from the computer... Heh, I can hear you say, "that's the point!". Except, it's not.

A mobile phone is not a mobile computer, (that's a laptop) or an extension of a computer (that's a pda) but it sure looks like they're going that way. The newest phones currently exist in an ill-defined niche of their own making. They're only called phones because they possess telephony capabilities (which computers, and hell, even the humble psp also do), and they make use of traditional telephone network systems.

This is just an observation on the nature of things... So no one will be surprised when their phones want to dock with the pc so they can get all the latest data from wherever. And yes, I know they already can. I'm talking about when they start wanting to.

Where are the levels at?

2009-09-04T14:53:00.003+01:00

When was the last time you played a video game on a console that had numbered levels? It was so much easier to say to you mates, "I'm up to Level 13" or "I'm stuck on world 3 level 6". Now you have to elaborate with crap like "I've just got past the bit where his mate gets poisoned by the mutant fish frog and you have to go down the black hole to retrieve stone/gem type thing that I need to take to [insert stupid plot points here]".

Ghosts, Spies, And The NXE

2008-11-29T23:34:00.003Z

I finished GRAW2 again the other day. I generally play my games on easy, because they are primarily entertainment, so i'm looking to get as much fun as possible out of it with as little effort as possible. I don't consider that to be lazy, as i've already paid upwards of £30 for the damn thing and should therefore be allowed to take things easy. I mention this because i finished GRAW2 on a higher difficulty level, which i would have been unable to do if i'd finished it on that difficulty before. I like difficulties that stack up (like say Halo 3, where finishing it on Legendary gives you the achievements for Normal and Heroic as well), but i think that negates the possibility of future playthroughs. If i slog through the game on Legendary, and get the achievements for all 3 difficulty levels, then there's no reason for me to ever play it again. So, i first finished GRAW2 on the easiest setting, and having found out that it was an excellent game, i kept it for future playthroughs. It's really well done; and possesses an early view of the game direction that COD4 implemented beautifully i.e. the sense that "big thangs popping up in here". Where Ghost Recon had nuclear missiles, Call of Duty had... okay, shut up. Where the nuclear missile was detonated in Ghost Recon, In Call of Duty...

Okay okay it might sound like COD4 copies those two scenarios from GRAW2, but my point was that it's done very very well in Ghost Recon, and Call of Duty manages to hammer it home even better. So if you've played COD4 to death, and you're looking for something new (or rather, old), GRAW2 is quite cheap these days, and if you've managed to get a free Xbox, you might as well get a free copy of Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2. (Now you see why i say GRAW2)

Moving on, i JUST now finished The Bourne Conspiracy, and i gotta tell you, playing as Jason Bourne really impresses upon you just how badass he is. Watching the movies are one thing, because you see him on the screen and a small (but very much aware) part of you knows that the film studio can make him as dangerous/suave/gangsta as he needs to be to make an entertaining movie. But playing him? It's like playing the movie, in a good way. The hand to hand fights are fast and furious when they go right, but when they go wrong they devolve into button mashing fests because your button presses stack up so even though it looks like he's not responding, he will be in about a second or two. This doesn't help, because by now you've pressed all four buttons in order to get him to MOVE ALREADY! When he finally does, you see a sweet combo, but you don't know how you did it. The takedowns are pretty well done too, because they tried to capture the movie effect, and having seen what Bourne is capable of, no amount of xx, yy, up-down-back would do. They made it so he does all the work, and you just sit back and press the on screen buttons at the right time so he follows through perfectly. Missing a prompt isn't the end of the world (or the mission, bar a few situations), because when you miss and he fumbles, the enemies DO follow through perfectly, so whatever happens, you get to see a really good fight. They might have overdone it though, because towards the end of the game, i felt like i was watching him unravel this conspiracy (as opposed to actually playing it and unravelling the conspiracy myself), and pressing buttons at certain times. I plan to play it again, because i found it surprisingly short, and i like the achievements, because they're challenges such as complete a mission without using a shooting takedown, etc etc

The NXE came last week and for better or worse, the old dashboard is gone, bar a few diehards who refuse to connect to XBL. I like it, a lot. One question i get asked a lot about it is, what does it do? Short answer is: nothing, because it's not supposed to do anything. Long answer is: It's an interface that provides access to all your system functions while looking good, the last phrase being key here. It's essentially doing the exact same thing the old dash did, but better. It's faster, smoother (to look at anyway), and things are somewhat better organised. That's all there is to say, really. The only major addition is the Avatars, which look like a thinly veiled rip off of the Miis. One wonders if the threat of lawsuits is what detered them from copying the Miis wholesale. It's not like they HAD to go with that appearance for their avatars afterall. That said, i like the variety available for customisation although once i find what i like i tend to stick to it. I like the friends' list, but i don't like how you have to be online to see it. I understand that you need to be online to do stuff with it, what i'm peeving about is how it's just not there when you're offline (as in, not signed in to XBL). It's completely unavailable. Oh well. It's also somewhat slower on the marketplace, because it tends to want to load up all the pages at the same time, so i get a row of loading icons, and then they all show at the same time. I like installing games, my xbox is now quieter because there's no disc noise, hopefully it'll last longer since the disc is not spinning anymore. Installing games does eat up a lot of space though, i've installed about 4 games, and i'm down to about 65gb, from say 80. It usually caps at 90gb, take say 10 off for save data, videos, themes, and that's where i got 80 from.

Anyway. FREE IPOD soon. SWEEEET

Peace

Fable

2008-11-10T11:20:00.002Z

This is not a review, and as such might contain spoilers.

Okay, you played the first Fable, right? On the first xbox? Sure you did. You know all about how some dude killed your sister (but not really), then you found her, then you had to stop some renegade hero from destroying the world with ULTIMATE POWER.

Fable 2 is set between 300-500 years after the first game, in the same world. There are fewer places to visit, but man those places are HUGE. Naturally, all the advances time brings are visible in the world, the major (but not only) addition being guns. Awwww yeahhh. And not just any guns either, they go from flintlock pistols (Jack Sparrow FTW!)to clockwork rifles, and they're very well implemented. All the same things in the first fable are back, the thing is that while they might seem new, they're mostly just improved and exapanded upon. Like, where you could fart in the first game, in this one you can now extend the action, with dire consequences if you do it wrong or so i'm told (by the loading screen tips). I haven't had the courage to see just what might happen, but i strongly suspect it involves the words poo, and pants.

You can also get jobs now, because in 500 years the citizens of Albion wised up and stopped paying Heroes to be Heroic. I'm not sure "wised up" is the right phrase here, as there is now absolutely no motivation to help them out. If you need money, you gotta get a job, son. I like the jobs, they're a nice addition but i don't like how they're the easiest way to earn money. You can also gamble, and certain quests to give out cash payments, but gambling involves loss, and quests involve legwork so a job is by far the easiest/safest. Quests can get you dead, but we'll get to that in a bit. To make money, you can buy property (i've got my eye on this big ass castle but i keep getting sidetracked by more property to buy) such as businesses and houses, rent out the latter or live in them.

In Fable 2, Death is not permanent. Or even existent. When you "die" you get knocked out, lose all the experience orbs (gloowy, shiiiny orrrbs) lying around, and you get a scar. That's it. There is thus nothing to be afraid of in the more epic battles, because you respawn in the very same location and carry on with the fight. It does become a pain when you're hopelessly outnumbered, but that's it. In the game, you can also change certain cities/towns by your actions, but that's fairly limited in that there's only about two i noticed. There are probably more, but that's all i've seen. They're well done though, and i'm already planning a second playthrough, just to see what they would have turned out like if i'd done the other thing.

Ha, all this and i haven't gotten to the dog yet. There is no map in the game view, just in the pause screen, and even then you have to go into the quests/maps view. The dog is your in game radar/early warning system/sidekick/back up. He'll help you as much as you let him, by finding treasure in chests or buried. He's not really useful as a fighter unless you invest in him, but he's good for companionship, because otherwise it would just be you running about aimlessly in this huge world. With the dog, you can run around aimlessly because the dog will alert you to stuff you might have missed. He doesn't actually point the way to quests because there's a gold trail that leads you to your target. That can be turned off, and i think the dog might then pick up the slack as without the dog or the trail, getting around would be a major annoyance. He doesn't seem to be able to attack human or larger enemies unless they're on the ground, but that might just be me losing track of him. When i'm surrounded by 60 hollowmen, the dog is the least of my worries. He can be injured but not killed and it's in your interest to heal him as he won't be able to keep up and point out the all important treasure, plus all that whining gets irritating. When in towns he's well behaved, but the villagers always want to pet him, holding him up and making you wait for the animation to finish so you can check out that alley behind the shop. You can also name him (i called mine Dawg, because i'm a cat person), buy him treats, collars, a ball, and teach him tricks.

If you haven't explored the entire world by the time you finish the storyline, choose the family option. You won't regret it, and you can always start another game to get the other options.

There are lots more things to do, like get married, have kids, get married more than once, pick up prostitutes, have an orgy (no, seriously), start a party, get drunk, go on a killing spree, grow horns, and so on. It's... bigger, and better. There IS new stuff, but not a whole lot of it. What's there is extremely good though, and will keep you entertained for hours because what's not new has been drastically improved upon.

Watch out for Nicky The Nickname though.

Gaming - where to?

2008-10-16T11:50:00.002+01:00

I find myself increasingly un-impressed with the countless sequels and developers wringing out the last drops of life from dishevelled franchises and so I pose the question to you, what lies in store for the future of gaming? What is the next big revolution we are going to see?

Personally, I think that the way forward is to utilise the human body more effectively in games and I don't just mean "Wii wand waving". A full on sensory onslaught, with innovative peripherals that utilise every human sense, whether this be done via brainwave manipulation, or some other sci-fi esq method, I hope this is what we will see in the next generation of computer games.

This of course has been the aim of developers and researchers for years, but only now are we at a point where it is really needed to shake up an industry that is milking its cash cow with the same old games just tweaked in some way.

So please leave comments with some ideas, for both new types of games and also new peripherals.

I'll kick it off - I wanna see a sensor that can read nerve impulses send down the spinal column and use these to recreate movement in a game accurately. I have no idea if this is even anatomically accurate but seems good to me!

October...

2008-10-07T23:32:00.000+01:00

Normally, I like shooters. I’m not too fussy about the story or why exactly I should care about these Alien MonstrositiesTM (Gears of War, I’m looking at you). This stems from a history of playing Duke Nukem (which I regularly confused with Doom) and just loving the running about blowing stuff up. Flash forward to Halo, which was the first proper shooter I played. I dunno how, but somehow I skipped right past the Quake and Unreal Tournament phases. So yeah, while my gaming pedigree might not be as extensive as some, I know what I like and what I like is guns. Big guns, little guns, laser (pew pew!) rifles, sniper rifles, shotguns, pistols... yeah. Mario is all well and good but I always figured the guy needed to be packing some serious heat. He was fighting dragons, y’know? Even in Age of Empires, I found a cheat that gave you a supercar armed with a rocket launcher. Considering that the most advanced units in the game were Hoplites for the infantry and Cataphracts for the calvary, you can guess the results yourself.

Except, these days I’m starting to like RPGs. It started with Fable on the Xbox, and progressed with Mass Effect. I really like the idea of making a character your own; customising everything from clothing to behaviour. Fable was a pretty good intro to this sort of thing. A lot of people found it to be limited, and not as expansive as was promised. Me, I just loved it for what it was because I never believe the hype. Now Fable 2’s coming out, along with Fallout 3, and I’m actually looking forward to playing those games. I recently started playing Mass Effect again, just to remember what RPGs usually involve: Lots of dialogue, lots of exploration, lots of patience. I’m particularly looking forward to Fallout, because it manages to combine my predilection for shooting stuff, with lots of stuff to uncover, and a character you can make unique. This is part of why I like Mass Effect, despite the slightly predictable story and extremely tedious gameplay. It’s not just that I get to shoot all my baddies the attraction is that despite there being a colossal amount of ways to dispatch them, I’m doing it MY way.

Fable 2: October 21 2008

Fallout 3: October 28 2008

Gears Of War 2: November 7 2008

Why FIFA is better than PES

2008-10-04T20:28:00.004+01:00

Let me be the first to say, i suck at football. There i said it. Both the videogames and the real thing. I'm just not athletic enough for the real thing, and for some reason i can't seem to get my head around the electronic one.

Having said that though, i AM substantially better at the electronic footie games. Simply handicap the computer, and BAM! Instant superstar. It seems like EA will never end their yearly installment of sports games, seeing as Fifa 09's out now. I got the demo earlier in the week, loved it. I found it significantly better than Fifa 08, and coming from me, that's saying something. Note that i don't necessarily mean easier, i just found it a better experience than the last edition. Fifa for life, yo.

So Slash said to me, you gotten the PES demo yet? and i thought, meh, let's give it a try, couldn't hurt, love the free stuff, etc etc. As an aside, if Apple offered me a free Macbook, just to try it out, i wouldn't say no either. Microsoft for life is one thing, but free stuff is another story entirely. So i queue up the download, turn off my xbox so it can download in the background (and hence not be paused because i decided to play grifball on halo).

Fast forward to several hours later, i turn on the console to play, and it's freezing. I'm thinking, aww hell naw. My bad boy's less than a year old and while it still shows signs of microsofty craziness (which they really should patent) like randomly freeing in the middle of gameplay, it's never frozen on start up before. Naturally, i employ the one universal solution to problems like this: I turn it off, and then back on again. No joy, repeat: No joy. I'm getting worried now, because i'm afraid of the ring of doom showing up. But i can't do anything with a catatonic console, so i turn it off again and search the intarwebs. Google points me to microsoft (well duh), who then tell me to either wait for it to cool down, or clear the cache, or both. Neither works. Then i notice it's only freezing after i sign into xbl, so i disconnect the wireless bridge and hey presto, it's working now. Then i first turn off background downloads so it won't try any funny business when i turn it off, then i check my downloads to see what's up.

The PES demo hasn't been downloaded. After several hours. Hours, because i had 4 other items in the queue and they should all have been done by now. So then i cancel the demo, then clear the cache, then plug in the wireless bridge, and the next item starts downloading as soon as i'm signed into xbl. I'm relieved but i don't dare turn off my console in case it doesn't start up again. Yeah, i'm paranoid like that. I spend the whole time playing Mass Effect, and as soon as the downloads are done i quit the game, turn on backgroud downloads, and switch off.

Do you see now? I'll take dodgy looking players over console destroying demos any day. And yeah sure it might not have been the PES demo, it might have been my connection, etc etc. Seeing as xbl and the marketplace have never given me any trouble with downloads, and the only problem my connection gives me is lag, i think i'm justified in blaming it all on the demo.

I'm not touching that demo, let alone the game, with a 10ft pole and neither should you. FIFAAAAAAAAA for life, yo

For those who believe FIFA has better player models than pro evo

2008-09-30T11:27:00.006+01:00

Continuing the build up to the annual console kickball debate and the FIFA Vs Pro Evo arguments. The guys at videogameszone.de have put together a gallery of comparisons between the two new games player models, decide for yourself.

Steven Gerrard is a very good example.

Check out the comparisons here -
Player model comparison gallery

Top 5 Fictional console footballers

2008-09-28T11:00:00.005+01:00

Top 5 Fictional console footballers

Its that time of year again, the time for gamers and football fans to choose their side and get the latest edition of their favourite football simulation

franchise. For me, I've been in the Konami camp since 1994 and my cherished snes copy of International Superstar Soccer, el gato however is firmly allied

with EA's much polished FIFA series.

The arguments will go on for years and I'm not going to get into it, but the one thing the games both have had in common in their histories is the inclusion

of fictional players, some based on real life counterparts, others completely original. There have been some great ones, and some awful ones and everyone

has their favourites, here are mine.

5. Galfano (Italy, ISS Deluxe, snes)

Tall, strong, marauding midfielder with an unbelievable shot. ISS Deluxe was a simple looking game, but with the greatest gameplay of any football game to

date. At the heart of this was the subtle differences in the styles of individual players. Konami keeps this as a feature of its games even to this day.

Italy, sported an elegant, technical midfielder named Galfano who, when timed right, could smash in the games very best goals from ridiculous distances.

This skill came in very handy during the games excellent scenarios feature, when a last ditch "Stevie Gerrard esq" screamer was required to win a game.

4. Brian Plank (Germany, FIFA international soccer, snes)

This was the first football game with an isometric view revolutionised the genre. The opening titles of the game (after the now legendary "EA Sports, its in

the game") give credits for the development team. Listed as a programmer on the game is one Brian Plank, but not only was he on the staff at EA he was also,

in game, Germany's flying winger with an eye for goal. Even in the first iteration of the FIFA series it had the all too familiar "methods" for easy goals,

one of which was cutting in from the wing at tight angles, slowing down and shooting. Plank was, for me, the master of this technique and produced many of

the 30 goals I managed to score against Nigeria in a 45 minutes per half game I decided to play one day whilst off school on the sick (got bored after 15 minutes and quit).

3. Perles (Classic Brazil, Pro Evolution Soccer, PS2)

To be fair, there are alot of "classic" players in this game that could have made the list and in the end your Master league team probably had 5 or 6 that

you love. But for obvious reasons this guy has to be the one. Based on the impotency campaigner of legendary proportions, Perles was the ultimate player

to have in your midfield/attack, pace, skill and a wicked shot, all of the attributes taken from his real life counterpart. Personally I feel the series has

really lost alot when it comes to the classic players since the early games.

2. Valeny (Master league squad, Pro Evolution Soccer 2, PS2)

When starting your first Master league season on this classic sequel, life was tough. You had a squad of no-hopers and the only was for a n00b to survive

was to play 5 at the back, one up front and desperately hang on until the negotiation weeks to try and get a player who could hit a barn door from 3 yards.

Essential to this survival was the ever dependable, versatile defender, Valeny. A no-nonsense player in the mould of Jamie Carragher, this guy saved the day

on to many occasions to count and kept his place in the side well into subsequent seasons even when new players were brought in. An understated role in the

team but too crucial not to make this list.

1. Koppers (Holland, most nintendo based ISS games)

This guy is here not only for vital goals, technical ability, great headers and volleys, but also because he ahs followed us through the series fors years

(even at one point changing race!). Similar to Galfano in the fact that he was instrumental in beating the scenarios mode, but he was the hero on so many

occasions it was uncanny. In the Pro Evo Series he would have been Oranges069, he was the superstar in the dutch side and carried them in the game. To be

honest it is more of a sentimental thing having him here as he represents the ISS series that excludes Pro EVo. Both FIFA and PES make minor improvements

every year but the improvements get smaller and more subtle every year. A truly Next-Gen version of the Nintendo based ISS games would be great fun, maybe a

step away from, the simulation based games, but great fun none the less. It's Koppers for me, for the memories.

Holy..

2008-09-27T19:18:00.001+01:00

I think this speaks for itself. Would you rather indeed

Proof That Girls Do Play Video Games Other Than The Sims

2008-09-26T13:14:00.000+01:00

So there I am, kicking ass and taking names, jacking ‘Hogs and pimp slapping fools left and right in Halo 3. Business as usual, right? So we finish the round and the server hooks us up with a bunch of new players. It’s the standard mix of people you don’t know, but wait! What’s this? One of them’s called... Well, I don’t want to direct unwanted traffic her way, but suffice to say the name was leaning towards the feminine side. So I mention it, laugh, and the person tells me to eff. So I’m like, no, YOU eff off! Then Balbailey (who I only just met a couple of rounds earlier and that might not be the actual name because I don’t remember it very well) says nah, she’s not a girl, she’s some creep. Then the girl says no, I am a girl! And then he’s like, well you don’t sound like a girl, and I’m like It Doesn’t Matter! (just like the song!). She gets all grumpy, and I tell both of them, look: it doesn’t matter if you’ve got boobs or not, as long as you help us carry the win. Sensible, right?

Wrong. The match starts and Balbailey won’t quit, and she won’t shut up about being a girl. (as an aside, she sounds like she’s either a girl or a 12yr old kid (of either gender). She’s all like I’m 17! And he’s cracking up, and I’m getting pissed off because at this point she is absolutely dominating the game (Team Slayer on Guardian), and he’s distracting her. Eventually, he gives up, and we lose. The only reason we don’t lose catastrophically is because of this girl, with 18 kills. Balbailey and I both bag 11 kills, and the other guy gets something like 3 kills (there’s always one, you know?) we come up to 43 kills, in a game that we should have won. The girl gets pissed off, tells us we suck, and leaves. Basically she came, she saw, she kicked our asses

The moral of the story is this. Do not piss off the girl in your squad, because she just might be the Rambo with an itchy trigger finger.

As an aside (a fairly big one), does anyone know why all the Xbox 360’s accessories are in white? Seriously, what’s the deal? You’ve got a black console. You want to customise it with an all star cast of peripherals, to match your stereo, TV, and DVD player, but you hit a brick wall because everything is in white. Of course, some people will point out that the control pads come in colours from teal to pink, but what about the remote? Or the headset? Or the wireless bridge? Or the vision camera? Or the charging cradle for the wireless pad batteries? Come on Microsoft. Everybody knows it’s the little details that sweeten the deal. I know it’s not exactly deal breaking to have everything in white, and you’ve got bigger problems (what with Apple trying to steal the pc users away and Sony trying to steal the Xbox users), but still.

UK to get Rockband 2 in November

2008-09-25T13:09:00.003+01:00

A new xbox 360 advert on television states that Rockband 2 will be released in November.

Heroes or "The Fly", Dr Mohinder Suresh or Dr Seth Brundle

2008-09-25T10:32:00.004+01:00

El Gato himself is off practising his insult swordfighting, so I decided to come and talk about something that I noticed last night.

#Heroes Spoiler warning look away now#

I watched the premier of Heroes last night and I was not really impressed but one thing that I did find rather odd.........

I know that the previous series' have had numerous references to star trek, but the whole story with Mohinder so far this season right down to the way the scenes looked and felt was a dead ringer for the sci-fi classic "The Fly".

1. Mohinder decides to try out some un-tested research with himself as the guinea pig, just like "The Fly"

2. Mohinder uses new found strength to disable local thug, just like "The Fly"

3. Now super agile, strong and horny (oh and crazy thirsty for milk?) Mohinder shows off to a unsuspecting female and the proceeds to bed her, just like "The Fly"

and finally

4. skin and presumably body parts begin to grossly peel away from mohinder and you guessed it,
JUST LIKE THE FLY!

Homage or blatant rip-off?

tell us what you think.

Just wanted to share that with you.

slash2k01

Because everybody loves free stuff

2008-09-24T14:29:00.001+01:00

Please go here and complete a free offer? you know you want to.

http://apple.freebiejeebies.co.uk/51741

Just Do It.

I Am Ninjaaa... NOT

2008-09-23T23:20:00.005+01:00

I am Ninja...

Spoiler Alert: Avoid the third paragraph if you don't like spoilers.

Hokay. Let me start by saying I love ninjas. Like, absolutely love them. It stems from a childhood of watching kung fu films, then jumping around the room and doing back flips onto the sofas, stuff like that. Given the chance, who wouldn’t want to be a ninja? The desire to be a ninja goes beyond wanting to emulate their acrobatics; after all there are gymnasts who pull off moves that make them seem like they are missing a few major bones. No, people want to be ninjas because they are cool at what they do. They are stealthy, they are fast, they look cool, and they are proficient with weapons... the list goes on. This is why a game like Ninja Gaiden 2 appeals to me. It gives me the opportunity to not only see a ninja in action, but to also perform moves I only dream of. However, despite the substantial level of immersion, it is still just a game and it tends to forget that. A lot.

That right there is my problem with Ninja Gaiden 2. You see, for me games are entertainment, nothing more. I don’t see games as challenges, I don’t play them in order to prove how hardcore I am or something. If a game starts being unreasonably hard, I just stop playing it. And find something else. Ninja Gaiden 2 is this type of game. I played the first one on the old Xbox and got rapidly frustrated with it. In a fit of madness (it was also relatively cheap), I forgot this fact entirely, and bought the second game. It’s a great game, depending on what you’re attempting to get out of it. If you just want to jump around and do some (or a lot!) of flashy moves, then by all means play this game. You will not be disappointed. However, if you want a game that has an interesting story, beautiful locales, engaging characters, etc... then please, stay away, because Ninja Gaiden 2 drops the ball several times on these points. It’s like the dev team said, let’s make the coolest ninja in the world and then give him a reason, any reason, to display his moves.

For example, the game has ninja dogs. As in, dogs, that are ninjas. As in, wild (or possibly rabid) dogs, that have daggers strapped to their hindquarters. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue, lord knows lots of games have eccentric, poorly thought out enemies, but in Ninja Gaiden, it’s another symptom of it’s... well, stupidness. I have the game, and despite playing it for a good while, I’m not entirely sure what the story is about. I do know it involves the CIA, some chick who should be called Boobs Mcfadden, and a buncha idiots who want to open up some portals in order to release some other idiots who want to destroy the world Oh yeah, and Ryu’s dad, who’s called Joe. I haven’t finished it, because the game is ridiculously hard. This is what I was referring to earlier. I could have tolerated the stupid story, the cardboard characters, but on top of all that, it’s hard?

Please. I’m playing it on the easiest setting, and it’s still a challenge to get through the bosses. The minions... meh, they’re hit and miss. Sometimes I blow past them, other times I have major problems defeating a bunch of lowlife werewolves. I’m stuck at one point in the game, because after defeating this boss, his minions then gang up on me and try to take me out. Seeing as I didn’t go into the first fight with a full health bar, the second fight becomes a major problem. Never mind that I only get to the second fight 30% of the time. It’s not even like I suck terribly at it, the game is just unnecessarily hard. Stupid hard, I call it. I mean, I’ve defeated enemies (in this same game, mind), that are as tall as skyscrapers, and now I’m having trouble with what is essentially middle management and his posse? Okay okay, maybe the VP. It’s still stupid.

I love ninjas as much as the next guy, but man... nothing is worth that kind of punishment. Especially not some second rate game with a half baked story.

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