...sometimes patiently, sometimes not.
It has been really wonderful to have these past few days as two. Because I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and am therefore considered higher risk, there is a plan in place so I do not go too far past my estimated due date. We are comfortable with this and are so excited that the next part of our adventure will be starting soon.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes.
In my head, I always thought June 16 seemed like a good day to meet our tiny one...long before I realized it would be Father's Day. And now it's here and I don't think she's coming yet, but this still feels like the right time to honor Paul and this unique time in our lives.
When Paul walked down the stairs at the airport, late Friday night, we hugged and kissed tightly and the outside world of harsh lighting and tired people melted away. Two. We got a moment of two before three. Of course, priority one is that the baby comes when she's ready, but getting at least a day of two was huge for both of us.
Baby girl, who had just spent the past hour dancing, was quiet - no kicks - as we walked to the parking lot.
I opened my wallet to pay the ticket, shaking a bit with nerves, as you tend to do after your partner who been gone for four months suddenly appears in front if you as if by magic. (If "magic" = a long chain of delayed flights).
As I fumbled with the machine, Paul scratched my belly with one finger and asked, "how's she doing?"
So simple, so sweet, so normal. Deployments are funny. They turn normal upside-down. As a defense mechanism and to keep yourself sane, you forget "normal." When you once again have the privilege of such basic interactions, they hit you straight in the chest.
Oh yes, this. This, you remember, is why we do this. This is what I signed up for.
"She's good. She's so good."
Happy Father's Day, Paul. Whether our girl comes tonight, tomorrow or next Saturday, you're already her dad. We love you.
On Sunday, February 3rd, I dropped Paul off in a parking lot on base so he could deploy with his unit. We hugged outside the car and I cried into his chest. "What if she comes before you're home? What if this is it?"
"Be strong, Elise." he said.
About half of me wanted to punch him in frustration. I didn't want to be strong. I wanted to be 21 weeks pregnant and not alone. I wanted our life to be normal. I wanted my husband to live in my house with me all the time.
But the rational half nodded and sniffled and told him I loved him and got back in the car. I sobbed openly and drove home.
The next day, I headed down to San Diego and saw the house we had just bought. And the next four months and 11 days were a whirlwind. I closed Escrow, packed up a house, moved to a new place, decorated it to what for us is perfection, worked on various projects, battled a mouse in the kitchen and kept growing this little baby. And, of course, I had days where it sucked and days where I cried and days where I was anything but strong.
And now, 19 weeks later, we're nearly through it. Paul is home on leave for awhile. He's here. He gets to see this house we bought for the first time (he's a fan!). He gets to sit on the chairs and eat at the dining table and live in this space that I (but really we) built over the past few months. Baby girl waited for him, so now we'll wait for her. Together.
We get to be strong together. We get to become three together.
Still very much with child. Probably for at least a few more days. But the good news is, the house has never been more clean, or more ready. I have never been more excited. And Paul is so close to walking through our front door. We are getting there. We will get there.
Thank you so much for your sweet words & well wishes these past few weeks. I so appreciate knowing folks are rooting for us. I will be sharing her name and photos on the blog as soon as it makes sense for us, but for more "real time" updates - twitter & instagram are good bets. ;)
Hooray, hooray...we're almost there.
Tomorrow is my due date. Sometime in the next week, we'll meet this little girl. It feels like it's been forever since we knew there was a baby on the way and it feels like just yesterday that I was wishing for another family member.
I wanted to share today some of my favorite photos from the maternity shoot that I had with the fantastic Tara Whitney last month. Because this was my first pregnancy, I was unprepared for and fascinated by all the body changes - especially in this final trimester. And while FaceTime is awesome, it's been hard having Paul across the globe and not able to celebrate this experience in person with me. Having these photos taken was a way to document this crazy time period for both of us.
And Tara is just magic with the camera.
I have loved being pregnant. Yep. I'm one of those annoying women. But I am also thrilled that soon she'll be out. And here. I'm can't wait to really get a look a this little person who dances in my belly. I feel a bit like I know her and I am so excited to finally introduce her to her dad and my family and friends that love her so much already.
I told Paul a few weeks ago that I had a moment where I realized being sad about him potentially missing the birth is like scheduling a lifelong excursion together and then being sad that we had to take different planes on the first flight. Lame? Yes. How rad and exciting it would (or will be!) to start this adventure together, in the same room, in the same moment. But at the same time, that flight is so minor compared to the full trip. When you're pregnant, it's easy to think about the birth is this huge event that marks the end of it. But, of course, the birth is this huge event that marks the beginning of it.
And the beginning.
Oh, how thrilled I am to be almost to the beginning.
And for the memory keepers or those curious to what I'll do with these photos... One or two might be framed and hung in our master bathroom. Then, I am going to design a book with just photos from this shoot and all the letters I have been writing the baby since I found out I was pregnant. It will be hardbound and if I do it right - awesome. I'll share here once it's made.
All photos by Tara Whitney. Tara, you are the most rad. Thank you for helping me capture this experience. Cannot wait for the shoot with Paul AND the little one.