Elizabeth Freedman

Elizabeth Freedman Joins Bates Communications as Executive Coach and Communications Consultant

Elizabeth — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 20:02:06 +0000

I am extremely pleased to share that I will be joining the outstanding team at Bates Communications, a national consulting firm that specializes in leadership communication skills and strategy. Starting September 2011, I am joining their team of consultants and executive coaches – very exciting to be part of a group of thought leaders in this field.

For nearly eight years, I have been a solopreneur – partnering primarily with organizations (like colleges and universities) and businesses (large and small) on a range of career/work issues. It’s been a great ride with some great highlights, including:

Driving in Pennsylvania on the way to speak at a college and seeing my name on a billboard! I nearly drove off the road. (Unfortunately, I only had about 10 people in the audience that day – you win some, you lose some.)
Working out at the gym with a bunch of students who had seen me speak earlier that day on their campus (word of advice: don’t get in a pushup contest with a 20 year-old guy – someone tell me what I was thinking!) – and then, somehow being convinced to teach them all Zumba (once again, don’t ask…)
Getting a book deal with Random House – and seeing good reviews for it in the paper! (don’t ask me about the paper that hated the book – took me days to get over that one)
Leading a day-long seminar at a bank, during which a participant commented that one of my power point slides looked like a “giant phallus” – entire room laughed for 20 minutes and all productivity came to a screeching halt (can’t even remember what that slide was, by the way)

I have many clients I count as friends, and have loved working with you over the years. Those of us in my line of work know how incredibly lucky we are to work with clients we truly connect with.

So, thank you – to the clients, the supporters, the friends, the people I called to proofread just ‘one more thing’ with, the colleagues who let me agonize over the lost deals, the bad reviews, the ones who let me celebrate, rehearse material, and get excited over the wins, the friends and family who heard me (over and over and over) mull over some idea or plan and not tell me it was ridiculous, to the partners who helped me get organized, get focused, get a website, stop procrastinating, write a blog entry, mastermind new plans, and so much more. THANK YOU. I may have been a solopreneur, but it was most definitely a team effort.

I look forward to continuing to work with you under the ‘Bates’ umbrella! In the meantime, I’ll explore some familiar ways, and some new ideas, for how I can best keep in touch with you, and please share your updates with me online.

Here’s to the next exciting chapter!

Better Conversation: How to Leverage Your Organization’s Secret Strategic Weapon

Elizabeth — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:30:41 +0000

Are bad conversations costing your company? When was the last time you had a conversation that looked like one of these?

I have an employee on my team who continues to underperform. I’ve told him this isn’t acceptable – about five times.

My top sales people are struggling in this economy; no matter how often I urge them to step up their activities.

I have been very clear about what our team’s milestones are on this project but we keep missing our deadlines.

Let’s state the obvious: having pointless conversations inside your organization is a waste of time, energy, and opportunity. Consider the sheer number of conversations you have every day. If they were more effective, how much time would you save and how much better would be the results?

At the organizational level, if your people aren’t having better conversations, it’s costing your company. When you provide coaching and training to help your team talk with their people, they are better able to drive projects forward, get more done, and increase profitability, or inspire change. Yes, conversations can do all that – and more – when used strategically and leveraged at the leadership level. The question is: Are you taking advantage of this opportunity? Consider:

Conversation is where leaders live. Busy as they are, smart leaders know investing time in communication is essential, which is why serious executives prepare and practice for speeches, presentations, and other high stakes situations. Yet, most leaders – even at the highest levels – don’t spend all day, every day, delivering keynotes. Rather, they lead, persuade, and strategically influence their stakeholders through conversation after conversation – that’s where leadership really lives, and that’s where, hour for hour, senior executives spend their time.

The ‘conversation myth’ interferes with effective leadership. If leaders can leverage conversation to powerfully impact their organizations, why don’t they invest more time here? Part of the problem is the conversation ‘myth’ – and that’s the myth that conversation is casual, and, therefore, it that should come easily and naturally. The result? We have dozens of conversations with our stakeholders throughout the day where we wing it. No wonder we wind up having conversations that aren’t delivering the impact we seek – if we’re looking for better outcomes, winging it doesn’t work.

For leaders, conversation is the great multiplier. It’s easy to see how a big speech can inspire the troops, but we don’t always recognize the impact of powerful, authentic conversations on our business. When you implement tools and programs to empower your employees to have high impact conversations, the big idea you shared at the conference gets an even bigger shot in the arm. Consider how conversation spreads your idea across the enterprise and beyond and ask yourself, how much attention do you pay to the quality of the conversations happening in your organization? Conversations are happening all the time, every day, between employees and clients, managers and teams, in the kitchen waiting for your lunch to heat up in the microwave, on Facebook, and beyond.

How can leaders better leverage conversation? Here are a few tips:

The best conversations start from within. Start by paying more attention to your conversations. Really listen and observe yourself. What do you notice? Do you address the real issues or tiptoe around them? Are you precise or vague in your directions? Do you avoid the topic or change the subject? Do you tell little lies? What isn’t being said in your conversations? Do you interrupt, half-listen, or get impatient? No judgment here – simply observe yourself and keep a journal of what patterns emerge.
Let authenticity drive the conversation. Some leaders will share their frustration about how “my people only tell me what I want to hear.” If you want candor from your team, give them that in return. Powerful leaders aren’t afraid to expose their own emotions and feelings and can use conversation to do so– no matter what the topic: “Honestly, I was avoiding this conversation, because I feel like a dirty old man discussing your wardrobe choices with you.” When you’re real and authentic, it’s more likely that your people will return the favor.
Have a conversation before the conversation. Pop quiz: What’s the difference between a conversation and a conversation that is profitable? The profitable one doesn’t take any chances, so have a conversation with yourself to plan, rehearse, and anticipate issues before you have a conversation with the individual or group.

Here’s the good news: Preparing to have a high impact conversation doesn’t require a huge amount of time. Consider how one executive made a list of ‘high stakes’ conversation partners – including her boss, certain clients, and so on. Before every conversation with a high stakes partner, the executive committed to a simple concept: Practice Before Pick Up. Here’s how it works: Before she picked up the phone to make a call (or send an email, or hold the small meeting), she would rehearse her ‘opening statement.’ Quite literally, she would practice – out loud – exactly what she planned to say. Because this leader often had to have tough calls with clients, her ability to plan first paid off – she approached her conversations with much more focus and confidence.

What would it look like if your leaders had better conversations with their teams? If your sales team had better conversations with clients or your employees had better conversations with one another? How can you leverage your own authentic, prepared, high impact conversations to lead that effort? Here’s what we do know: Great conversations are anything but pointless, and they don’t happen by accident. Best of all – we can improve them, enhance them, and truly leverage them anytime we’re ready to start. Start now.

Related articles

Leaders, Are You Avoiding Certain Conversations? (elizabethfreedman.com)
Your Business Grows, or Fails, One Conversation at a Time (elizabethfreedman.com)

Elizabeth Freedman improves her clients’ businesses by helping employees and leaders Have Better Conversations^® with their teams, clients, and each other. She is also the author of Work 101: Learning the Ropes without Hanging Yourself and The MBA Student’s Job-Seeking Bible, and was a finalist for College Speaker of the Year, awarded by the Association for the Promotion of Campus Activities. For more information, please visit www.ElizabethFreedman.com, email her at info@ElizabethFreedman.com or call 617-784-6598.

Career 911: New Ideas When the Old Tricks Aren’t Working Anymore

Elizabeth — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:08:37 +0000

When the going gets tough, the tough work on their resumes.

And start networking (or attempt to – sometimes, we hate it so much and we’re so out of practice that our skills aren’t up to snuff), dusting off the fancy duds and gearing up for an interview or two, hopefully. In the past, a sharp resume or the occasional networking attempt may have been enough to land a job, a promotion, or transition to an entirely different career; in tougher economic times, or even for professionals in particularly competitive fields or industries, the old bag of career tricks simply doesn’t cut it anymore. Competition is fierce, even more so in a marketplace where technology allows job seekers from around the country –and world – to apply to anything with a heartbeat. Today, savvy professionals have to go way beyond the usual fare in order to get ahead, stand out, or even to simply get a response to an email – and they get frustrated when they receive advice that they’ve already tried and know doesn’t work.

Looking for fresh ideas, bolder moves, and a new ‘bag of tricks’ for today’s realities? Or – how about answers to questions like:

How do you network in new ways when you have no network, hate to network, have already been networking up a storm (with no results) or simply have exhausted your existing network and need new names and relationships to land a job or move ahead?

How can you get better known, strengthen your reputation, and make a name for yourself, so that when layoffs do happen, you’re not on the list?
What can you do to allow other people to stop pigeonholing you and see what you’re really capable of, even in tough times – so that you aren’t ignored and overlooked for jobs or opportunities inside your company?
How can you reinvent yourself, start over, or successfully transition out of your failing company or dying industry into something new? Do you even allow yourself to consider pursuing your career dreams and goals during tough economic times, or just feel lucky to take any job at all – even if you can’t stand it?

Consider a few tricks when the old ones aren’t working:

Using LinkedIn as Part of Your Job Search

Get serious about social media, particularly LinkedIn. No, having a great LinkedIn profile won’t solve all your problems, but having a bad one is a missed opportunity. Use keywords in your headline, summary, and throughout your profile so you’re findable, and beef up your connections so you’ve got some quality names on your life. Use the Get Introduced feature (5 free a month!) to add to your network. And, take advantage of applications, like linking to your blog, for instance, to make your profile even more robust.

Fill up your calendar. This one can be tough, particularly when you’re out of work. Have lunch, coffee, go to meetings, conferences – and keep this up. Yes, it’s money you have to spend, but look at it as a tax-deductible cost of doing business. Do this on a regular basis (you working folks, too – don’t wait three years to attend your industry’s conference, for instance), force yourself to call a professional contact each day or week – expand your network beyond the people you see at work every day.

Develop and showcase ‘proof’ of your expertise. If you’re an out of work lawyer, for instance, you’ve got plenty of expertise to share with the world, even if a law firm or client hasn’t wised up and hired you for it yet. Start a blog (or be a guest columnist for one you admire), write articles for industry publications, submit proposals to speak at conferences – anything to show others what you know and add to the conversation.

Keep refining your process. When was the last time you videotaped yourself speaking or interviewing? Do you solicit feedback on a regular basis? Are you compelling voice mails that inspire people – or do you just call to ‘touch base’? (See my article about how to leave an enticing voice mail.)

How to Use LinkedIn’s Apply Now Button (money.usnews.com)
Five Ways You Should Be Using LinkedIn (pcworld.com)

Podcast with Elizabeth: Business Savvy for the Young Professional

Elizabeth — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 20:26:14 +0000

University of Michigan’s Alumni Career Call-In: presented by Elizabeth Freedman

Do you have all of the skills needed to successfully negotiate the business lunch, company party or networking reception? It takes savvy and emotional intelligence to make excellent choices, but mostly it takes the one thing most new professionals don’t have: experience. From knowing what to say at a work event to what not to say to a coworker, this highly interactive Real Life 101 program covers it all.

Listen to the podcast here.

Elizabeth Freedman improves her clients’ businesses by helping employees and leaders Have Better Conversations^® with their teams, clients, and each other. She is also the author of Work 101: Learning the Ropes without Hanging Yourself, The MBA Student’s Job-Seeking Bible, and was a finalist for College Speaker of the Year, awarded by the Association for the Promotion of Campus Activities. For more information, please visit you can email her at info@ElizabethFreedman.com or call 617-784-6598.

Why ‘I’m Just Calling to Touch Base’ is a Terrible Voice Mail to Leave

Elizabeth — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 18:44:58 +0000

If you’re in the habit of leaving voice mails that say something like, “I’m just calling to touch base” – stop.

Let’s assume you’re trying to connect with someone who is busy – crazy busy, overloaded with emails, meetings, and the rest. And, let’s assume you’re leaving that voice mail because you want something – like a job, or a sale, or an answer on something – from this person.

According to sales expert Jill Konrath, you’re not going to get the time of day from a busy person with a ‘touching base’ voice mail. Voice mails like this one – along with, “I’m just calling to see if you received my information/email/resume,” are a total waste of time, and just make us seem like a pest, according to her.

A few points to consider:

Every voice mail/email is an opportunity to deliver value. “Touching base” makes us appear needy, desperate, even pathetic – like we’ve got nothing else to do besides touch base. We know otherwise – so leave a message that is short, direct, gets to the heart of what’s going on in that client’s life, and showcases your talents.

Konrath advises against voice mails that start with, “We specialize in…” or “We’re the industry leader in…” Her point: Who cares? No matter how nicely worded, these are voice mails about you, not them. Talk results (“We’ve helped 5 of your competitors increase retention by 28% over the past year”) in your message.

Come up with a communication strategy. Map out each message ahead of time (voice mail, email, or other messages) and executive. Konrath tells us that it takes between 10-12 messages before we are actually able to reach someone – and that’s assuming that we’re leaving emails and voice mails that are effective in the first place. Most of us will reach out to someone between 3-5 times, on average, and then we give up, assuming that they aren’t interested in us.

Don’t overwhelm with information. In an email, for instance, provide a link to one video, or one blog entry you’ve written, not five.

How to Avoid the Passion Trap (Inc. Magazine)

What Does Somebody Have to Do to Get Promoted Around Here? When You’re Feeling Overlooked at Work

Elizabeth — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 22:22:02 +0000

We all have our share of junior high school traumas, right?

Here’s mine: Picture me, a somewhat nerdy (OK, extremely nerdy) student in my seventh grade French class, being told by the teacher that I didn’t have the chops to continue on to the advanced French class for the following academic year, and that I would have to stick it out in the ‘regular’ class instead.

Excusez-moi? No advanced class? After all, I had done well in class – I had gotten A’s on my report card, even aced my recent test on the pluperfect tense – so why wasn’t I being fast-tracked? I tried to think back over the course of the year: Had I flunked a test? Mispronounced “croque monsieur?” No disaster stood out in my twelve-year old brain, so I asked Mom and Dad to investigate (I was nerdy…and wimpy…). Alas, there was no reason offered to explain Madame’s decision, and faster than you could say, “croque monsieur,” I was off the “advanced” list, and that was that.

What does my junior high drama have to do with the workplace? Everything, especially when you consider how much life on the job and junior high really do share in common. After all, both have difficult grownups to contend with, plenty of angst, and all kinds of unspoken rules about who gets ahead and who doesn’t. And both have hard workers, like the twelve-year old me, who aren’t necessarily given reasons or explanations for being passed over when opportunities for advancement were handed out. Like me, employees find themselves wondering what they did wrong – and nobody is there to provide the answer.

The bottom line? Landing a promotion at work– and all of the benefits that come along with it, including bigger salaries and better opportunities – can seem more elusive than getting a spot in the popular group at school. No wonder one in four employees reports being overlooked for a promotion, according to one 2007 workplace study. (www.careerbuilder.com).

Why do so many employees feel frustrated by the promotion process? In part, the difficulty stems from the fact that there isn’t always a clear path to promotion. Just like good grades do not necessarily an advanced French student make, the hard-working employee isn’t always a shoe-in for manager. The result? The road to riches on the job is paved with plenty of employees who feel ignored or overlooked– it’s like junior high all over again. Consider the shock of the employee who finds out a younger, less dedicated coworker makes more money than she does, or the manager who hasn’t gotten promoted in three years, despite receiving good feedback during his annual performance reviews.

These ‘overlooked employees’ are out there in big numbers, standing on the sidelines of their careers, watching people that seem less talented move up the corporate ladder with ease. “Why didn’t I get promoted? What does it really take to move up around here?” are the questions on the mind of this group, who wants bottom line, effective strategies on what else it takes to get ahead in their careers, since doing good work doesn’t seem to be enough to land the money or rewarding careers that they seek.

What to do if you’re feeling overlooked? Here are a few tips:

Assuming you’re getting feedback from your boss on a regular basis (not just waiting once or twice a year during an annual review) and you’re dig a little deeper to gain some additional awareness. Seek out colleagues, clients, other people within your sphere of influence, and see what else might be going on that you missed. Is this an issue of your skills not being strong in a particular area? Did your team give some less-than-great feedback about your management style? There’s only one way to find out – ask questions and try to get answers.
You might be a rock star, but don’t assume anyone knows this but you. If you’re feeling unloved, overlooked, or passed over, it might be time to ramp up your visibility. Check out my article on how to self-promote, workplace-style, that was published on Military.com for more information: http://www.military.com/opinion/0,15202,219973,00.html.
Sometimes, being overlooked is a case of not having enough people in your corner. How is your network within your organization? Do you have mentors – and sponsors? Many career/workplace experts (including yours truly) push employees to have both. A mentor might show you the ropes, but s/he may not be someone with any clout or power, to be frank. Sponsors are a different breed – these are the folks with title, muscle, and a voice that gets heard. Use your current sphere of influence to build relationships with potential sponsors – LinkedIn is a great tool to help you connect with people inside your organization.

Want to Be Right…..Or Want to Get Ahead? Be Coachable (elizabethfreedman.com)
Quit Asking for Permission (elizabethfreedman.com)

Are you pursuing the right job opportunities for you?

Elizabeth — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 12:00:21 +0000

Laid off and getting nowhere in your job search? Between the rejections, the unanswered phone calls and limited opportunities, it’s far too easy take it personally, give up altogether, and even worse, assume that you’ll be unemployed forever. Instead of beating your head against the wall and quit now, take a hard look at your job search efforts.

Here are a few tips:

Go with your super strengths. What is your super strength? Think of it as the one thing (or two or three things) that you feel that you can do better than most people. From now on, resolve to only apply to jobs that cater to your real talents, and forget the rest.
Don’t let desperation make you waste your time. It’s easy to panic in a recession and start applying to any job with a heartbeat. But, when you cast a wide net, you take your time and energy from going for what you really want – plus, you’re competing with people who are more qualified than you, anyway. Your new mantra: Less is more. Repeat this when you feel the panic starting to set in.
Take stock and reassess. If you have a sneaking suspicion that you aren’t playing to your super strengths, take a deep breath and assess your actions over the past weeks or months. Have you been pursuing opportunities that are so competitive that anyone besides Bill Gates wouldn’t stand a chance?
If you’re stuck, get help. Ask a friend, “When you think of me and my strengths, what are the top two things that come to mind?” Sometimes, we’re so immersed in our own worlds that we can’t see the forest for the trees, so get the outside perspective to remind you what you probably already know about yourself anyway.

Don’t let your job search shake your confidence (sfgate.com)
No one said it was going to be easy… not! (careeringaheadncl.wordpress.com)

Want to Be Right…..Or Want to Get Ahead? Be Coachable

kellywidener — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 01:41:04 +0000

Picture this: A department manager wants to improve the communication skills of the people on her team. She partners with an outside expert, and, together, they create a series of educational tools and training (communications seminars, ongoing coaching) for her employees on a range of communications topics.

Out of a team of twenty, nearly all showed improvement. In some cases, the manager could directly link their improved skills (better interaction and meetings with clients, more productive emails) to higher revenues. Others reported that their new skills allowed them to have important conversations they had been avoiding. Even the CEO was pleased. All in all, a good experience, right?

Right – except that there were a couple of employees that did not budge. Not only did they not improve, but they seemed to resist the entire effort. How did I know this? As the seminar leader and coach, I remember trying everything in my bag of tricks to get these two particular employees to see the light. We all know that different people learn at different rates, and not everyone is thrilled to be told by the boss they have to participate in a coaching program, but something seemed amiss.

Then, it dawned on me – maybe these guys just weren’t coachable. After all, the signs were there.

For instance:

They seem to ignore the obvious. This is a problem, particularly in one of my programs that focuses on communication skills and uses recordings, video, writing samples and other tools to show people how they might come across to others. But, upon seeing the video in our seminar, one participant said: “That’s not how I usually sound. It’s just because I’m being videotaped. Normally I sound much better.”
They strongly resist feedback. When we reviewed the results of a comprehensive 360 Assessment (completed by the employees’ managers, clients, and coworkers who provided detailed feedback on the employee’s communication style), one said, “I don’t believe in 360 assessments.”
They aren’t willing to course correct.. We all need to make adjustments and changes – whether it’s in our communication with our clients or coworkers or anything else. An uncoachable’s response to this? “Yes, but….” People who struggle with being coached or taking direction from others think 1) they are right and the coach/boss is wrong 2) they are smarter than the coach/boss 3) they think the advice is lousy. So, they reject it all and end up not listening to any of it, to their own detriment. Sometimes, coaches and managers need to be challenged, sometimes advice is lousy, and, sometimes, we’re all uncoachable. But, if you do suspect you have someone who seems particularly resistant to being coached, consider the following:
Remember, fear drives uncoachability. Some of us grew up in homes where being wrong was akin to committing a terrible crime. I remember a friend whose parents would encourage ‘debate’ at the dining room table – and pity the son, daughter (or dining guest) who hadn’t read The New York Times that day.

Some organizations are like that dining room table, where employees are terrified to admit they made a mistake, or are embarrassed by the boss when they present an idea that is less than perfect. In situations like these, it’s no wonder that employees might go to great lengths to admit that they are right and that nothing is wrong. And, some of us fear that the advice we’re being given won’t work, because we’ve been burned in the past.

As the leader of a team, admit that you aren’t perfect either. In your next meeting, talk about a mistake you made – and keep it real. Nobody wants to hear about your no-big-deal mistake that actually wound up saving the company millions. Share a real mistake, use it as a case study and encourage others to do the same. You don’t need to turn yourself into the class clown, but leaders aren’t perfect, and the more you’re willing to admit you’re human, the more others will be willing to break down the barriers and admit the same about themselves. (Check out one motivational speaker who posts his ‘oops’ list on his website: http://www.goodthink.com/desk/oops.cfm.)
Find ways to promote ‘learning opportunities.’ Encourage brainstorming sessions or idea-sharing exchanges in your organization, where it is understood that the ideas aren’t perfect – and that’s the point. Make mistake-making fun, where you plan an event for your team where you all look ridiculous – ropes course, anyone? You need to try a bunch of different things, so that your people really begin to trust that your ‘mistakes are OK’ attitude is here to stay.
Be consistent and direct with uncoachables. Employees are much less willing to hear your feedback or be coached when we haven’t been consistent. If you’ve heaped raises and promotions on this employee, it may be hard for them to understand why they need to fix something that seems to be working. If something isn’t working, you need to raise the issue and present plenty of evidence to them that clearly illustrates the problem. Uncoachables need to be strongly convinced that their way isn’t the highway, so share your feedback and clearly explain the change you need to see. Finally, explain the consequences of not changing – what will happen if they aren’t willing to make adjustments?

Coaching your uncoachables may be the last thing you want to do – but stick with it. After all, there was a reason you hired this person, right? Remember why they are worth holding onto, and go the extra mile to make them successful in your organization.

Thoughts on uncoachability (gburnett.blogspot.com)
You: From Another Perspective (lifehack.org)

Leaders, Are You Avoiding Certain Conversations?

Elizabeth — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 15:01:18 +0000

Good Leadership Means You Stop Avoiding Certain Conversations

Is there a conversation at work that you’ve been avoiding? Hoping that the other person won’t bring up? If you’re managing other people, there may be dozens of conversations you’d simply rather not have. For instance:

Telling your boss that you made a mistake in your newest hire
Telling your top salesperson that his difficult personality is hurting the team
Telling your new intern that her outfit choices are too revealing
Telling your manager that you don’t think she’s got what it takes to be a senior leader
Telling the VP that (yet another) person is quitting your team

And the list goes on. And, for every conversation avoided, there is a long list of unfortunate consequences – including plenty of wasted money, time, and energy. Plus, we all know that avoiding something doesn’t make it go away. In fact, the conversations we avoid have this nasty way of spilling over into other areas of our lives – and, next thing you know, you’re in the middle of Zumba class wondering what to say to your employee who keeps coming in late to work.

All that space in your brain – the space that could be used to be thinking about new ideas, a better approach, or your next amazing vacation – is being taken up with the unfinished business of avoided conversations. It’s time to pull off the Band-Aid and just do it already.

Ready? Try on a few of these ideas when you’re ready to talk:

Give yourself a conversation deadline. Face it: When it comes to this conversation you’ve been dreading, you’ve got every excuse in the book for why now isn’t the right time. In fact, it probably hasn’t been the right time for a long time, so enough procrastinating already. Set a date, schedule the meeting, put it on the calendar (the sooner the better) and commit.
Don’t wing it. You can’t script your life, and you can’t predict how any conversation will go – but you need to prepare, nonetheless. Think like an actor, and plan out your first opening lines. Rehearse, practice, say them out loud so that you’re ready and confident.
Get to the point. Once it’s conversation time, don’t beat around the bush. You’ve come this far, so skip the small talk and be direct: “Jan, I want to talk to you about the wardrobe choices you’ve been making.” Or: “Mark, I’m extremely concerned about the effect of your negative attitude on the team.”
Be real. Share your emotions and feelings – no matter what the topic: “Honestly, I was avoiding this conversation, because I feel like a dirty old man discussing your wardrobe choices with you.” Use phrases like, “I am concerned,” or, “I am worried,” or “I am frustrated,” to convey your emotions on a topic. When you’re real and authentic, it’s more likely that your conversation partner will be the same.

People aren’t mind-readers, and you don’t do your employees any favors by holding back on them if there is something that they genuinely need to hear from you. Nothing will change if nothing gets said, and you’ve got the power to make a difference in that department.