dreamsofelle

Sun. Rays. Light. Hope.

2014-03-23T01:33:00.001-07:00

Sun rays stream into the living room.

The rays light up the darkness.

With light, comes hope.

With hope....I can face the future, even if it seems bleak.

I hope.

2014-03-18T07:08:00.001-07:00

It's been one of those days

2014-01-19T02:14:00.001-08:00

Coffee and dark chocolate ice cream.

Indulgence is good.

Heart shaped coffee art.

Very common I know.

Suits me fine today.

I am reminding myself of a truth.

- That I am loved deeply.

Peace.

Never settle for less

2014-01-13T11:12:00.001-08:00

“He puts a little heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.”

Waiting to see what He has planned - nerve wrecking, difficult and can be hard- but I am where He wants me to be. He will see me through.

Thy will be done, Lord.

Tomorrow will be better. A promise of hope

2014-01-12T10:06:00.001-08:00

Speak quietly to yourself & promise there will be better days. whisper gently to yourself and provide assurance that you really are extending your best effort. console your bruised and tender spirit with reminders of many other successes. offer comfort in practical and tangible ways - as if you were encouraging your dearest friend. recognize that on certain days the greatest grace is that the day is over and you get to close your eyes. tomorrow comes more brightly…

-Mary Anne Radmacher

What's the point?

2014-01-02T09:08:00.001-08:00

That second paragraph is me- most of the time. I keep questioning myself- what's the point? What am I trying to achieve? What do I even WANT to achieve?

I feel so lost again.

Lord, show me the way. I take comfort in Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

As only I can.

2013-12-30T09:06:00.001-08:00

“The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.”
—Neil Gaiman

Here's to 2014. A new year, with new beginnings, new adventures, new lessons, and new experiences. I want to develop me. My voice, my mind, my story, my vision. My future. As only I can.

2013-11-02T02:25:00.001-07:00

I’d like to repeat the advice that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

If you want to get more out of life, Ron, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty. And so, Ron, in short, get out of Salton City and hit the Road. I guarantee you will be very glad you did. But I fear that you will ignore my advice. You think that I am stubborn, but you are even more stubborn than me. You had a wonderful chance on your drive back to see one of the greatest sights on earth, the Grand Canyon, something every American should see at least once in his life. But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover.

Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon. You are still going to live a long time, Ron, and it would be a shame if you did not take the opportunity to revolutionize your life and move into an entirely new realm of experience.

You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

My point is that you do not need me or anyone else around to bring this new kind of light in your life. It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in new circumstances.

”

- ― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

Waiting....to grow...

2013-10-30T09:23:00.001-07:00

Watching city lights from the balcony while contemplating life.

"Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”

- Alice Walker

A longing.

2013-10-30T05:55:00.001-07:00

In the depths of my soul, I longed to be a part of something large and good; something that required all of me; something dangerous and worth dying for.

- John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating

Insomnia inspired.

2013-10-28T11:30:00.001-07:00

Ok. I'm about to embark on a new life adventure. Gonna be taking off Down Under with my boyfriend and bestie. Every girl should be so lucky to have 2 people in her life willing to do this with her.

Honest confession: I'm the terrified one who can't stop wondering about the 'what ifs'. I feel soooo insecure about this. Stop me, please.

I know this is something I've always wanted to experience, or thought I did. To quit a job that was starting to drain me, and do something completely different. To take a road less traveled. To breakaway from my comfort zone. To spread my wings and fly. To experience working and living in a different country.

Oh dear God, please give me peace and help me to trust You that it will all work out according to your perfect plan.

Delicious Ambiguity

2013-08-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner

The leap of faith. Jumping into the unknown. Taking chances. Taking risks. Being impulsive. Facing challenges. Carpe Diem.

"Love God and do what you want,"
- St. Augustine

Trust God, and take off on the adventure you've always wanted to take. Know that He is in supreme control. Be impulsive. Be you.

"Better to live impulsively with the love of God than to live immobilized by the fear of making the wrong decision."
- RELEVANT Magazine

'Trying out' relationships

2012-02-14T12:15:00.000-08:00

Something that's been sitting in my drafts for 2 years. Will post an update on what I think now soon!

-----------------------------------------------

"If you never try, you'll never know."
"Give it a try, who knows, he could be the one."
"What's the worst that could happen? If it doesn't work out, just break up. You'll learn something from it. It's just an experience in life everyone goes through."

These are all bit of advice given to me over the years, from well meaning friends who don't understand my lack of need for a relationship. Admittedly, I have wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship. To love and be loved. To adore and be adored. To cherish, and be cherished.

And yet, something stops me. Perhaps, its a feeling. Or a tiny little voice in my heart. The impression that perhaps, the time is not now. I'm not ready. I'm too young (incidentally, an excuse I've been using for years).

I'm not that young anymore. Certainly old enough to be in a relationship by anyone's standards. I have friends who got engaged at my age. I know people who were married at my age. And here I am, never having been in a relationship.

What, exactly, is love? What is there to a relationship? How do I know if he is the one for you? How do I know that there isn't someone out there who is better suited for me? How do I know that this is not just a crush or infatuation that will fade soon enough? And also, am I 'the one' for him?

Isn't love supposed to be unconditional? A no-matter-what? But somehow, all my life, I've felt that love is like approval. Something to be won. To be earned. That I need to do all the right things, say the appropriate thing, achieve. And only then, be rewarded with 'love', acceptance, and approval.

Is that how it is supposed to be? Is love something tangible? Something that can be measured, something to live up to? Is it a standard? Does it satisfy? Does it deliver? Is it enough? Is that all there is to it?

1 Corinthians 13. The love chapter. One of the most famous passages in the Bible, quoted by Christians and non-Christians alike. Love is patient, love is kind. Does not envy. Does not boast. Is not easily angered. Is not self-seeking. Does not dishonor others. Does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Always protects. Always trusts. Always hopes. Always perseveres. And in the beginning of the chapter - if we do not have love, we have nothing.

That's work. Love is a verb. Not merely a feeling. It's not easy. The description of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is unconditional. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I feel, that God never intended for us to 'try' in relationships till we find the right one to marry. I believe, that there is only that one guy out there meant to be my life partner. When the time is right, God will bring us together. Perhaps, I have already met him. Perhaps not. Perhaps, he is the one I've been thinking of, dreaming of, and praying for. Perhaps not. Perhaps, he would just be a dream that I would always want to chase.

I've been reading blog posts and stories about some amazing relationship stories. I marvel at how God has written their love stories. How perfectly He has brought it all together. And that, is what I want. That perfect love story in my life. To be able to one day tell my children, if it is His will, that I waited, I trusted, and God provided.

He has perfect timing. He will have a plan for the relationships in my life. I want Him to bless my relationships. To guide them. In His time, He will make two paths become one. And if He doesn't, He will work out a different plan for my life from what I have in mind.

Counting blessings...

2011-12-17T08:12:00.000-08:00

From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.
-John 1:16

Prayer is not a get-what-you-want toll-free hotline. God is not a genie in a lamp. He does not exist to fulfill our every whim. Our wish is not God's command. God is Almighty. Who are we to demand? Our blessings come by His grace. He gives and blesses, because He loves us.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Thank You. I have not lacked. Thank You, for being faithful. Thank You, for sending me encouragement when I needed it most. Thank You, for grace. For Your love. For always watching out for me. Thank You, for always being there, even though it may not always feel that way. Thank You, for the knowledge that You are with me, even though I sometimes feel so alone.

Can men and women just be friends?

2011-12-11T04:46:00.001-08:00

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever” -Dave Matthews

I wondered how true this was when I first came across this quote some weeks ago. In retrospect, I think it is true. I don't have many male friends, but those whom I'm close with- I'll admit that at some point in those friendships, I'll wonder how it would be like to be in a relationship with that guy. And I suppose, at some point, I develop a crush, or feel attracted on that guy. But yet, I've never told him how I felt. I suppose I won't ever. I'm too afraid to take that risk that he may not feel the same, or that the relationship wouldn't work out, and thus, the friendship is spoilt. Teasing by other friends don't do anything to help

Is it really true that men and women can't be just friends without any of those other feelings at some point in the relationship?

Women expect more emotional rewards from friendship than men do, so they're easily disappointed when they don't receive them.

-Sapadin

This, is true. Very, very true. Personally, if I really consider someone a friend, I will do a lot for them. I'm willing to sacrifice time, money, emotion etc- just to make a friend happy.

"Friendships with men are lighter, more fun. Men aren't so sensitive about things."

-Sapadin

This, depends.

“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” - Oscar Wilde

Trying.

2011-11-29T01:53:00.001-08:00

How does doubt slip in, so silently?

And why does condemnation come so naturally?

Why do I still get the best of me?

Loving so little and living so selfishly?

When all I want to do, is give this life to You

-Ginny Owen

Sums me up perfectly right now.

Gleaned bits and pieces

2011-10-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

The free-fall feeling of change will always land me in the arms of a loving God who has nurtured and cared for me since the beginning. His strong palms will support my back as I try to get my bearings. God's grace will always lift me up and remind me that I'll be fine.

I may not know where I want to be right now, but God knows that I will be where I am now. I know that in the midst of all the confusion, He is up to some awesome plan for my life. As long as the direction of my heart is to love and serve God, I have the freedom to discover what brings me joy, love, laughter and happiness. God intended for life to be an enjoyable adventure. When I find what makes me feel good, and what resonates with my heart, I will find myself right in the center of God's will.

"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He is the One who will keep you on track."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)

My Father is working everything out. He will provide for me. Today, I have everything I need for life and godliness. Today, nothing good has been withheld from me. Today, He is ordaining every detail of my day for my good. Today, I don't want to be anxious about anything because He will take care of me.

-Fabienne Harford

disclaimer: this post isn't my own writing, it's bits and pieces paraphrased from what I've read here and there.

On faith, and not worrying

2011-10-28T02:21:00.000-07:00

Why faith? Because, when you hit rock bottom, faith is all you have left. You just have to trust that He will not forsake one of His own, that because He loves you, He will take care of you, and He will provide for you. He will never give you more than you can bear, and He has a reason for everything. It is all part of His plan for fulfilling His purpose in your life. And His Grace will always be sufficient for you. Just trust in Him, and surrender to Him.

This isn't easy. Faith and surrender do not come easily to me. I'm a person who doesn't like the unknown. I fear the unknown. I don't like not knowing how I will be surviving financially, what the next day will bring, new situations, etc. I sometimes crave for a change in my life, but generally, I like having my daily routines.

I'm also a stubborn girl. I don't like asking for help. Even when going out with my friends, it galls me to have to ask for a ride home because I don't drive. It makes me feel bad, like I'm imposing on them, especially if it is out of the way, or I know it will take them longer to get home because they have to send me. An ex-colleague once commented that I was too stubborn to ask for help. I had no reply to that, because I knew she was right. I never ask for help if I can help it. I've always prided myself on being self-reliant. I'm afraid to rely on anyone - emotionally, mentally, physically, financially - because I'm too afraid that one day, it will be gone. That it won't last. That I will just end up being hurt.

This fear of trusting anyone has gotten to a point where I am sometimes afraid to trust in God. I am afraid that one day, He, too will leave me. I am thankful for that small, still voice in my heart, the one that reminds me, with deep conviction, that God is real. That He is ever faithful. That He will always look out for me and provide for me.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
-Philippians 4:4-7

Therefore do not worry, about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-Matthew 6:34

I'm learning to let go, and let God. I need to learn to trust. To surrender. To have faith.

Dreaming thoughts.

2011-10-26T21:25:00.000-07:00

I am dreaming. Dreaming of blue skies, warm sunshine, a gentle breeze, white sands, clear sparkling waters, a cool drink, good books, good music, and laughter and fun, all to be enjoyed with a few close friends.

I guess I really do have what the Buddhists refer to as "monkey-mind". My mind is constantly in motion, with thoughts swinging and jumping from one to another, sometimes completely at random. Thing is, happy thoughts will make me happy, while melancholy thoughts will pull me into a contemplative mood and lead to feeling down.

I also have a short attention span. I need to multitask. If I'm not doing at least 3 things at a time, I don't function well. I get bored and cranky. For me to work well, my iPod/ iTunes must be on, I must have a book somewhere at hand, Facebook, blogs, chat, etc...and yeah, the work. Doesn't matter if I'm studying or working. It's impossible for me to 'just focus on work'. Doing 'one thing at a time' is a foreign concept for me - one that I've never been able to do.

Time to go back to my little world~ and I'll probably post more random thoughts that come into my mind...

Mother Teresa: "Do It Anyway"

2011-10-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

Reminder of the day

2011-10-24T18:51:00.001-07:00

Serenity Prayer

2011-10-23T07:11:00.001-07:00

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Thought of the Day

2011-10-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

"We have been forgiven so much that nothing we forgive compares to the amount we have been forgiven."
- Nicky Gumbel

I suppose, if God sees fit to forgive us, we need to forgive ourselves too. After all, who are we to question the grace and mercy of God? He offers it freely. We should receive with gratitude.

Things That Make Me Happy

2011-10-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

1) Salvation
2) My brother
3) My friends
4) Good books
5) Good memories
6) Dreams
7) Feeling warm sun on my skin, and a breeze blowing through my hair
8) Cute animals
9) Singing songs that I love
10) Quotes
11) Seeing the people I love being happy
12) Moments of peace, quiet and solitude
13) Good food
14) Painting my nails
15) Make-up
16) Being appreciated
17) Reading about new ideas
18) Washing my hair with nice shampoo
19) Random chats
20) Sitting in a cafe with a cup of coffee and a book
21) Getting a good night's rest
22) Learning
23) Hugs
24) High heels
25) Naps
26) Massages
27) Knowing that all my bills are paid on time
28) Holidays
29) Cooking
30) Chocolate
31) Finding a Bible Verse that inspires me
32) His mercies are new every morning, He is eternally faithful
33) Rereading books and getting new insight from them
34) Knowing that I'm not the only person going through difficult times
35) Knowing that He has a plan for my life and everything will work out just fine
36) People who make me laugh
37) Friends who listen
38) Bookstores
39) Libraries
40) The smell of coffee brewing

No regrets.

2011-10-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

“Every experience in life, everything with which we have come in contact in life, is a chisel which has been cutting away at our life statue, molding, modifying, shaping it. We are part of all we have met. Everything we have seen, heard, felt, or thought has had its hand in molding us, shaping us."

-Orison Swett Marden

I used to live in a world of 'what if's. I questioned myself every day, about almost everything. And I would wonder, what would happen if I did things differently. So much so that, I would keep looking back on the past and wish I could turn back time, so I could do things differently.

-What if I had completed my studies?
-What if I had chosen to work at another bookstore, instead of going into customer service?
-What if I had just accepted another call center job in March?
-What if I said something?
-What if I kept silent?
-What if I did/did not do something?
-What if I had expressed myself more?
-What if I had tolerated a bit more?

Then I came across this verse:
And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there.
1 Corinthians 7:17 (MSG)

Where I am right now, is God's place for me. He has led me to where I am today, and the person I am now. All things happen for a reason. All I need to do is to trust in Him, that He will guide my path. When I look back on my life, I can see God's hand working. He has always been faithful, He has always provided, and He has never forsaken me. I will live in the now He has given to me, and try to always obey, show love, and continue to believe in Him, in His grace.

I want to live life with no regrets. I occasionally still wonder what could have been, what is coming, and what is to be. But I can honestly say that I have no regrets. All my life experiences- the pain, the despair, the sorrows, the hurts, the depression, the desperation, the joy, the hope, the prayers, the happy times - they have shaped me into who I am today. I am constantly being shaped and molded.

I am constantly changing. And I pray that I will always change for the better, to be a better me by the day.

Life is too short to waste time on regret. What has happened, has passed. I need to learn to let go. To learn from mistakes, and try not to repeat them. To learn from my experiences so I will be a wiser person. To be kinder, and more compassionate. To be more understanding and empathetic. To be the woman that He intends me to be.