I know how it starts.

Believe me, I’ve been there.

You have a bite.

And then another.

Next thing you know, the box is gone and you feel like shit.

(Again.)

You’re disgusted, ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, and – even through the fog of a sugar high – you know you’re SO much smarter than this. So why can’t you stop eating?

The answer is, because it’s not about the food. It’s about numbing and distracting yourself so you can avoid something unpleasant. 

The boss you don’t like.

The spouse who is distant.

The past you’re trying to forget – or perhaps the future you’re trying to avoid.

My own food addiction in college stemmed from a deeeeeply internalized fear of entering “the real world” with no job, no money, and $40,000 in student loans. (Seriously. My debit card was rejected at Subway.)

Still… rather than face these fears head-on, I’d hit up three different drive-thrus, eat my weight in greasy sandwiches, hate myself for a few hours, go to bed, wake up, hit the gym, and let the cycle begin again.

Sure there was some greedy appeal in the deviously, chemically-addictive food itself, but the added appeal was that the more time I spent focusing on how out of control I was in this area of my life, the less time I had to actually deal with the other parts.  So the distraction was subconsciously intentional.

To be honest, I didn’t think I’d write about this topic again. I’ve already been there, done that and I recovered a long time ago.

Like, when the Backstreet Boys were still together.

But then I read this introduction to Mika Brzezinski’s new book, and so closely identified with her pain and the “daily tyranny” of her hidden addiction that it brought me back to my own struggle, and those of my friends.

While I didn’t use this word at the time, I know without question that I got my life back through mindfulness.  

In fact, the day I started to heal was the day I (finally) admitted I couldn’t change what I couldn’t acknowledge. And once I became willing to observe the triggers that made me want to escape through food, the more I learned the root cause of my bingeing was stress.

Here comes the disclaimer.

You don’t have to be a food addict to recognize the pattern of emotional eating. We’ve all reached for the ice cream at some point to soothe the pain of a broken heart or a broken dream. (The difference, of course, is that addicts can’t stop.)

I was definitely an addict.

And so the gift of being mindful was that it created a space for me to “kill the monster when it’s little.” In other words, I was able to catch myself being triggered LONG BEFORE I showed up at 7-11 like a junkie – and by catching myself I was able to choose a different response.

Waking up to that choice saved me.

Do I still have moments where the monster returns? I’d be lying if I said no.

Halloween in particular is rough.

Still, just being aware of my triggers means I don’t keep junk food in my home, I don’t go to certain restaurants, and I have lots of handy excuses for those cute little Girl Scouts who sit outside my grocery store.  Removing temptation has been my first choice but, in those times when the ugly monster rears his ugly head, turning towards the feeling has become my second.  

Following the practice of mindfulness, I simply ask, “What is this really about?”

While I wouldn’t wish an addiction on anyone else, walking through this storm has taught me a very important lesson:  The more you choose to respect yourself, the easier that choice becomes over time.

And if you don’t choose you, who will?

Last fall I replaced my vision board with a bulletin board of thank you notes. The goal was to spend less energy pining over things I don’t have, and more energy appreciating what I do.

Today, I’m happy to report the bulletin board is completely covered with notes like this one:

“I tried the three steps you recommended and, turns out, this stuff actually works! I tend to feel terrible when I make a mistake or if things aren’t going as planned, but over the last two days I’ve been catching myself. After asking a few questions about how I feel and why I feel that way, I realize it’s not even that big a deal! And here I was, thinking I was crazy!” 

I love getting these emails.

Emails from women who have quit chasing rabbits.

Who live with more clarity.

Who have totally changed their perspectives.

And because of these women, I have completely changed mine.

As many of you know, I began hosting a mindful leadership coaching program a few months ago called Awake Exec. Mindfulness is a topic I have studied extensively on the side, but never really planned to fold into my “real” job of career training.

However, when I saw the benefit it was having in my own life – way less stress, way less head traffic, and – wait for it – actually having more fun – I knew I had to share what I was learning.

Honestly, I didn’t know how it was going to turn out.

Are women even interested in mindfulness? Do they know what it is?

After almost a year of stewing over these (and about a zillion other) questions, I finally pulled the trigger and launched in February.

So far, 57 women – and one very brave man – are on this journey with me. And what’s really gratifying though is that their lives are being changed too.

Seriously. Read these.

Ironically… through the process of helping other people find clarity, what’s become clear to me is that I love this group more than anything else I’ve ever done in my career.

I wake up thinking about their opportunities and challenges.

I answer their emails first.

In three months, I’ve written more than 70 pages of content exclusively for them…and that’s just the beginning.

What does this have to do with you?

Well… I want you to be the first to know that at 5pmPST today (Friday, May 10^th) I’m raising the price of Awake Exec from $99 to $149. In other words, if you’re thinking about joining us, now is the time.

Now is the time to learn how to be more confident, clear, and centered in your career.

Now is the time to meet a new community of supportive, mindful women in a shared learning space.

And, frankly, now is the time to take advantage of lifelong access to all training materials (both new and archived) while I’m still crazy enough to offer them for less than the cost of a Stella & Dot necklace.

I promise you, Awake Exec will n-e-v-e-r be this price again so if you’ve been on the fence but haven’t signed up, I hope you will take advantage of this opportunity and join us before 5pmPST.

Then you’ll also know how great it feels to say, “This stuff actually works.”

Click here to register now.

“EM! Come here you’ve gotta see this!”

I looked over at my husband beckoning from the other room, waving like an air traffic controller for me to get up.

“No,” I said.

“No?!”

“No,” I replied without taking my eyes off the TV.

“But Liam is doing P90X!”

There are only a handful of things that would prevent a grown woman from jumping off the couch to see her Kindergartener do bicep curls… but I have to say that Oprah is one of them.

This time, it was a 2007 interview between Oprah and Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert re-airing on OWN.

Gilbert was talking about the moment she found herself sobbing on the bathroom floor, pleading with God for direction on whether to stay in a stale marriage – and continue to feel “like a squirrel in a cage” – or get out and see if there was a better life waiting on the other side of fear.

Sound familiar?

Allowing fear to keep us stuck is a crossroad many of us face and a question I certainly hear in the career space all the time: “Do I stay ‘safe’ in a job I don’t love or jump ship in search of my passion?”

It’s easy to see why stories like Gilbert’s speak to us so collectively and profoundly. There are millions of people in their own proverbial cages wondering what life would be like if they weren’t “trapped” in their job, not to mention living vicariously through others who take risks they’re too scared or comfortable to do themselves.

And yet….despite the obvious benefits of being comfortable, we all live with a tiny inner voice of discontent, one that incessantly reminds us to DO more, BE more, and l-i-v-e more – just like the people we admire. (And by admire I mean envy.) It’s an epidemic of nagging restlessness that is particularly intense among women.

So…as someone who has reframed my own debate on success, I humbly offer you one subtle shift that’s worked for me: A few years ago, I consciously ditched “if only” from my vocabulary.

You know the drill by now, right?

“If only’s” give you permission to stay exactly where you are because you’re playing victim to something you don’t have, e.g. “If only I…

…could lose 10 pounds

… lived in a different city

…had rich parents

…had a better boyfriend / husband / partner

…had a better job

…had more respect around here, etc.

Conveniently, whatever “it” is…is always just out of reach.

Except that it isn’t.

Because when you finally call out “if only’s” for what they are (an excuse to play small), you get unstuck because you realize that if anything is going to change, it has to start with you. That’s what had me so transfixed with Oprah and Elizabeth Gilbert, despite the benchpressing five-year-old in the next room.

And while she didn’t call them “if only’s,” Gilbert recalled a story from her time at an ashram in India when she was trying to make sense of her life – but in reality she was just playing victim. At that moment her friend Richard Vogt – a Texan also studying at the ashram – interrupted.

“Elizabeth,” he said, “don’t wear your wishbone where your backbone should be.”

As I was feverishly tweeting that very quote, my five-year-old popped up beside the couch.

“Did you have a good workout?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“So, um, why were you doing that?”

“Because I want to grow some muscles,” he replied, “and I know growing muscles takes a long time.”

Ah, yes.

He gets it.

No ashram needed.