Earlier this year, I wrote a guest post for ProSky, a platform that allows companies to evaluate candidates and develop employees through succession pathways, so you can recruit, hire, and retain the best diverse talent & culture fit.

Find the original post (and many other highly engaging talent posts) at How to Adjust Your Approach (Without Losing Yourself)

Tell me if you’ve been here: You’re at an offsite work event with a lot of new people. You find yourself changing the way you talk and act to adapt to all the new personalities. It’s work but feels more like a giant networking event. You’re bringing a lot to the table, but it feels like you’re auditioning instead of establishing rapport.

Working in diverse work environments causes plenty of challenges, but one comes to the top: how do you maintain your voice when the advice out there tells you to bend to the listener? You see it in two different sets of business disciplines:

• Marketing tells us to modify our message to fit our audience so it’s more authentic
• Professional Development suggests we adjust our approach based on the people in the room, the medium, and the goals of the request

The advice is based on a premise that talking to someone in a manner that best helps them understand can get you closer to a successful outcome. In contrast, when your style or approach is off-putting, the request can fail before it’s even been made. This is why we have personality assessments, training sessions, self-help guides, and coaching. They’re all saying that adjusting your approach can help a team adapt and work more efficiently.

In oversimplified terms: Become a chameleon to get what you want.

In theory, that should work and be very straightforward. We’re all self-centered, and one acronym often used in sales theory is “WIIFM”, also known as the “what’s in it for me.”

But we’ve all been there knowing that someone is just telling us what we want to hear – which might not be the best information or advice we need. This happens with job applicants – resumes tailored to the description might make it through the applicant tracking system, but upon meeting the candidate, it’s obvious they don’t actually have the expertise you need. On the receiving end, you might be feeling placated or even played. But what is more damaging is the perception of the deliverer. In the most extreme scenarios, you’re not saying anything new in the meeting, you’re flip-flopping on a position, or you’re perceived as unreliable. Those are not attributes you want for yourself as an employee, and certainly not as a job candidate.

If the advice is all about changing your style, how do you adjust your approach but still retain your position?

First – this conundrum isn’t unique to you, it’s happened several times. And if you’re a woman, you’ve likely been told this advice to the extreme, completely losing your sense of self just to do your job. Spend time thinking about who you are. The best way to do this is to work on your elevator pitch. You likely haven’t done one since your last job interview, but it’s always valuable to revisit. What do you bring to the table? Why should people trust your judgement and expertise? What vision are you painting?

Next – think back to the scenarios in which you’ve been given this advice. There are a few scenarios that tell you how you should interpret this guidance:

• Someone of authority spoke to you: If they’re looking out for you, it’s likely you didn’t convey information effectively or you even rubbed someone the wrong way. This suggestion is to help you hit a home run the next time around. If it’s “putting you in your place,” be aware that this person could be feeling threatened (by you or something else).
• You sought out help after a professional review or bad experience: This is good, you’re self-aware there’s something you can do. But don’t forget about the other people in the room or on the team, learning how they might have perceived you, as well.
• You’ve always been told to think beyond yourself: Especially in customer service, this is a marching order. But learn if this is so you’re a selfless drone answering questions, or if it’s to use emotional intelligence to help a customer better.

After you’ve assessed when you got this advice, break down the ways you think adapting could help. The changes could be varied, small or large:

• Adding a greeting to your emails
• Use less lists
• Praise coworkers
• Ask more questions before making suggestions
• Stop CCing everyone
• And more…

Like any scientific test, select one way you’re going to adapt for the receiving party or scenario, then try it out. A specific change for a specific reason will tell you if the adaptation will help you gain more success, as opposed to sweeping adjustments which can be draining and confusing.

Finally, review your results. Did the change have a positive impact? Try it again and see if you get the same results. Make sure you try out the adjustment a few times because it takes a while for people to change. Especially if there are emotional issues involved, it could be a while before someone responds to your change.

By being methodical, you can still stick to your position or your style, with only making minor adjustments for the recipient. This is the same as “oiling” a gear, connecting to a faster signal, or putting food on a white plate instead of a red one.

You’re still you – you’re just tweaking the delivery.

For many years, I thought the act of gathering, making signs, and screaming at an establishment was a waste of time and energy. I firmly believed that the best way to make change is to become a part of the organization that manages whatever it is you are protesting. Become a civil servant if you have issues with the government, become a scientist if you want to impact climate change, and so on.

My privilege and bias influenced this belief, especially having the luxury of education and access to resources others don’t have. I was fortunate to attend a university that wanted you to learn how to make change (and yes, I’m fortunate to attend college in the first place). We had an incredibly receptive administration, open if you wanted to plan or change something. You were rewarded by following the process, or if your initiative fell short, you were heard and likely influenced something.

I didn’t ever understand the wall of opposition people feel, and like many, it seemed like protesting was going to be counterproductive to any change.

It turns out you need both – change from within and voices from without.

This weekend I marched with the Women’s March on Washington. I made a last minute decision because I realized protest wasn’t just about shutting streets down and filling Facebook feeds with a sea of pussy hats. This protest was about the fact that even with incontrovertible proof, people can still choose to ignore your facts or question if they’re facts at all.

A part of me needed to gather with others who also watch the news with disbelief. A part of me thinks there will be a time when it will be debated that 1+1=2. A part of me that worries people could die because basic human rights could be removed with the stroke of a pen.

I marched.

I’m also motivated.

By taking to the streets, I found others who have been making changes from the inside out. Many people weren’t just there to yell and go back home, but instead were looking for what to do next. Critics say that this march could fizzle out without major impact. But what happens when someone who understands change happens from the inside out is suddenly rallied by the millions across the globe who took to the streets? She starts writing letters. She starts donating. She researches local community groups. She signs petitions. She looks for ways to teach skills.

After my short return to blogging, I had to take a break. The world was changing, hour by hour, and I wasn’t sure what to write. My folder was full of drafts that I couldn’t publish because something changed and I felt unsure.

But millions of women and men, sporting pussy hats and armed with signs, have made me sure.

I used to be a writer for women in business. Now I’m a writer for women.

Let’s get to work.

How can you help? Sign up and participate in the 10 Actions in 100 Days campaign.

Thank you to the event organizers, WMATA employees, DC police officers, EMS teams, docents at the national museums, DC facilities employees, and all the other folks who helped make the event a safe and positive experience for many. Thanks to my brother for coming with me, it’s amazing to have your support!

First impressions matter. Whether you’re going on a date or a job interview, there’s always pressure to share the best parts of yourself. Most recently, Richmond UX hosted a talk with Jason Cranford Teague about portfolios. It gave me a chance to revisit several of my previous blog posts because a lot of the advice is still true.

Revisit: Doppelganger: There isn’t Just One Web You

Unless you have a very distinct name, it can be quite difficult to find the “you” that’s you online. There’s a good chance a recruiter or client will do a quick search on LinkedIn or Google to find you to check you out. It may not be an official vetting, but did they find the right you? The #PortfolioUX talk emphasized how important it is to own your domain and be consistent. Use the same photos, be aware of your doppelgangers. Take advantage of the fact most people don’t plan their social and digital profiles. Having the same photo and a clean look will help those important people know that they’ve found the right you online.

Revisit: Building Your Marketing Tool Kit

Your toolkit isn’t just your personal set of skills – it’s the team that you’re on. So as you build a portfolio, be clear about your role on the team in each of those projects. As Teague said, “Explain your work, but don’t embellish.” Your team might have a key person who drives the organization, project management, and keeps the trains moving. If that wasn’t you, don’t say you helped keep the group on task to deliver something on time or under budget. But if your job was innovative thinking to get to a specific campaign or solution, talk about that process. It will help the reader understand what skills you bring to the table.

Revisit: Get Your Own Case Studies

The dreaded case study. They can be boring and pompous at the same time. Your portfolio is a chance to showcase all your achievements like case studies. Think about ways you love to hear about stories or other people’s accomplishments, then use that style to help craft your own examples. But most importantly, if you’re missing a specific project or skill you want to demonstrate – then make your own opportunity. Take on freelance work, volunteer to do the project for someone, or just build a concept. Make sure you give it the same rigor you would have as compared to all the other examples in your portfolio. You won’t just be adding a new example either, you’ll be demonstrating how you can go above and beyond.

A Few More Thoughts

Teague’s presentation included a lot of great advice that in theory goes without saying. And yet all of us know, you still need to say it. Here are a few of his best tips:

Building your portfolio:

• Only include the best. See above re: Case Studies. If you know you could do something better, then just do it.
• Explain your work, but don’t embellish. This is critical as more projects include blended teams. Demonstrate where you really shined because it’ll result in the work you love to do instead of having tasks that someone else on a team should really own.
• Create your story. This isn’t a “Once upon a time,” recommendation, but more like the age-old best practice of having an elevator pitch. Your digital identity is the new pitch, so make it compelling.
• Keep it fresh. LOVE a project of yours from 10 years ago? That’s great but might not be so relevant to what you’re doing today. You want things from the last two years at the top, then really edit out old things from there. You can save an archive, but think about how you’d react to seeing someone’s best work was almost a decade ago.
• It’s alive! In the digital age, you’ve got to make sure you’re sending people to a live site. I’m guilty of not checking back to this blog to make sure it’s still functioning. If you’re afraid something will be pulled down? Grab screenshots and comps so you have the records when someone asks about it in the future.

Check out Teague’s presentation and good luck with your portfolios!

In NOVA? Check out Teague’s workshop September 24-25 – You Are UX: Understanding Experience Design for Non-designers. This interactive workshop will train programmers, developers, managers, executives, and anyone else in your organization to empathize with the needs, wants, and desires of customers to create products people not only want to use, but love to use.