The post The Baby Boomer Generation Unlocked The Doors to Freedom Says Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Author Of Women’s Freedom: The Dawn Of Possibilities appeared first on Enchanted Self.

The post Hard-Won Women’s Rights From The 1960s Are At Risk Of Being Undermined Says Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, Author Of Women’s Freedom: The Dawn Of Possibilities appeared first on Enchanted Self.

What interests me, is that we do not fully understand some people, who have apparently fortunate lives but experience little joy, while others, apparently less fortunate, experience great joy. Perhaps we have tried too hard to understand pathology in our science of psychology, and have not tried hard enough to recognize and understand what I call ego-states, or happiness.

When I first began to analyze the data from the women I interviewed, I kept trying to understand how their enchanted adult lives evolved from the childhoods they talked about. I found that although there seemed to be some clear connections, many others were not clear at all. The capacities of these women to reclaim positive aspects of their childhood, while discarding the dysfunction that was often also present, was astounding to me. It seemed as if a magic wand had been tapped on the women’s heads in their adult lives.

For example, when Edith talked about her childhood, she at first remembered only its dysfunctional aspects: the fighting between her parents and their constant criticality. I suggested that we go back and look again at her childhood to identify times when, in spite of the pain of family life, she felt excited about her own life and about herself. With this encouragement, she could separate out positive memories of herself from dysfunctional family experiences. She started remembering some wonderful times: delightful family picnics, fishing with her grandfather, and more. An activity you can do to start on the positive road of Enchantment: What are some golden moments in your childhood when you felt particularly happy? These moments can be from any age, from your earliest memories through early adulthood.

When you find a golden memory, enjoy it. See yourself at that age and experiment with letting different senses reconnect to that happy time. Can you remember the way your body felt? Can you remember what activity you were engaged in? Were there any aromas? What was the weather like? How did things look around you? What did your mood feel like? Take time to really enjoy this happy memory of yourself. I wish you a joyful journey. I hope that your life feels whole and that you find your past, whether beautiful or painful, a repertoire of talents and capabilities is that are uniquely yours.

I hope that your talents, capacities and potential will give you a sense of well being as they thrust you into the world in meaningful ways.

The post THE ENCHANTED SELF, That’s Each of Us! appeared first on Enchanted Self.

A speaker once compared giving constructive criticism to that of a sandwich. The first slice of bread is telling the person something honest and positive about that person. The filling consists of gently leading into a suggestion or sharing ones’ feelings about how something is being done. The second slice of bread again finishes with positive reaction or remark to that person. How desperately most of us need to practice the art of positive criticism.

The post DR. BARBARA BECKER HOLSTEIN SHARES HOW OUR MOODS AND REACTIONS AFFECT EACH OTHER appeared first on Enchanted Self.

What a lovely memory Katherine had, so full of heartwarming components. Katherine was able to bring back images of herself and her sister playing with enthusiasm, keeping busy laughing uproariously, and feeling safe.

Do you have a delightful, delicious memory also? I bet you do.

Find it. Enjoy it again. And make sure you share it!

The post REMEMBERING OUR FUN MEMORIES FROM CHILDHOOD appeared first on Enchanted Self.

The result often is that we are taught to see how well we are doing, in terms of how pretty we are, how bright we are, what kind of house we have, how well we do in sports, what rewards we receive. However, in reality, these are external measures. Each of us needs to develop a sense of self-worth, a capacity for positive self-regard that comes from within.
Here is an example: Sara was divorced and felt in many ways that she had shortchanged her two daughters, in the sense that they lived on very little money. She could shower few luxuries on them. At times, in her therapy, she talked to me about feeling that she was not much good at anything. Her husband had been abusive both physically and mentally, and had put her down almost constantly. Although she no longer lived with him, inside of herself she still carried feelings of worthlessness.

One day I asked her to review some of the best moments in her childhood. She said, “I always loved when Uncle Sam used to come over, and we all sang songs.” I asked her if she did anything like that now, with her girls. She said that they often sang together in the car. In fact, she had taught them many of the songs that Uncle Sam had taught her. I asked her if she realized that she was offering her girls some of the wonderful family memories that were unique to her as a child. She said she hadn’t thought about it, but it was certainly true. During months of therapy, we worked again and again in recognizing many valuable aspects of herself. Needless to say, her self-esteem began to improve. Sara is an example for all of us, in the sense that each person has to document his or her own positive talents and strengths.

We have to learn to pat ourselves on the back. To help you, I suggest a self-pride list. During the coming week, write down at least one item a day that you can take pride in having handled well. For example, I was polite and kind to several people in the supermarket checkout line, even though I was tired. Or, I used my head, rather than my fist, and really shared with my son my concerns over his getting another traffic ticket.

At the end of the week, read over your self-pride list, giving yourself a mental hug, or the high five sign. This is the beginning of giving yourself more recognition, which will in time lead to an improved sense of self worth. It is only with this improved sense of self-esteem that you can have the confidence to make sure that your life is filled with enchantment.

The post Improving Your Self Esteem appeared first on Enchanted Self.

For most of us, we find our senses heightened as warmer temperatures and refreshingly long days beckon us outdoors. Whether sitting outside on a bench, a porch, taking a walk or playing a sport, we become attuned to all the smells, sounds and sights that we associate with spring and the way our bodies feel.

Spring is a time for growing optimistically! A sense of hope is in the air. Hardly a person does not respond to positive feelings on certain spring days. We all talk about spring fever. If we look carefully at our reactions, we can see that THE ENCHANTED SELF is at work. Outside, breathing the spring fresh air, it is easy to recall an earlier positive spring memory. Perhaps it is remembering yourself racing your bicycle down a hill on a spring day, or coming home exhausted and hungry after playing baseball. Maybe it’s the exciting feeling of a crush in the seventh grade combined with smelling honeysuckle or lavender as you walked home together. The images are boundless. Even for those of us who experienced difficult growing up days, we still have positive memories often awakened by our senses this time of the year.

If you let yourself enjoy each new spring day by “being there” rather than just “doing,” then you can have the joy of not only being in the moment but also of rekindling wonderful earlier memories.

In terms of growing optimistically, it is often these earlier memories that can serve as a jumping off point for your own positive growth. You might remember how you felt roller-skating on a spring day. Perhaps this memory was triggered by a walk you had yesterday. How can you recapture the exuberance and enthusiasm you felt roller-skating many, many years ago? Perhaps it is time to walk consistently everyday. Perhaps it is time to buy a pair of roller blades and learn to use them. Perhaps it is time to develop another form of exercise, or maybe you would rather have the pleasure of helping to teach a child or grandchild how to roller-skate. The ways to reinvent your past into positive states of mind and body again and again are unique to you. Don’t give up your opportunities to grow optimistically in these glorious months,

My message to you is to honor yourself, to honor your memories and let them pleasure you as you navigate through the spring months. Try not to focus on the unpleasant aspects of earlier days. Look for the “positive” memory traces associated with a smell, a taste, or an awareness that is rekindled by the blossoming of spring.

The post Spring Is Here appeared first on Enchanted Self.

This often means taking pain and misfortune and turning it into meaning and even eventually a metamorphosis of pleasure. One example of designing a fulfilling life comes to mind. This is the story of a part of our French cousin’s life. A retired doctor living outside of Paris , Jean Manuel, has often told us the story of his years living hidden in a farmhouse in a French Province . When he was five, his parents were warned that they had to leave Paris . He vividly remembers how terribly upset his parents were. Somehow they found a farmer and his wife who agreed to take in as many of the family members as could get there. His family and some cousins lived several years on this farm.

Others chose not to leave Paris and were never heard of again.

Jean Manuel told us about how his family went back after the war to look for their missing relatives, only to find possessions and an uneaten birthday cake celebrating the nephew’s first birthday still on the table, at one of their cousin’s homes. The family, however, was gone forever. He remembers his parent’s despair, yet also how life resumed for all of them.

He also shared with us how his father was once picked up by the French Police and loaded onto a train. Fortunately the train was moving slowly enough that his father could jump and escape, living for a while in the woods until he could return to his little family.

One might at first wonder–how could a person come to terms with so much loss and seeing his family go through so much pain? I don’t know Jean Manuel terribly well but I have clearly seen a friendly, joyful person every time we’ve been together. I have a hunch of several ways he has processed this story of his life and the life of his family.

I believe that one of the major ways that he has processed his own life and turned it into a meaningful, joyful experience is by giving back. The farmer and his wife who took them in didn’t have any children of their own. Jean Manuel and everyone else that was hidden by them, never forgot them. They visited this couple every summer. To this very day, although the husband is gone, and the wife lives in a nursing home, Jean Manuel or his wife, or sometimes his daughter will take responsibility to visit and be with this woman. They never forgot and they’ve always been good to the people that were good to them.

The post Stories appeared first on Enchanted Self.

Megan Brown plays the ‘girl’ in the play version of The Truth, THE LOCKET. She will be also starring in the film version of Secrets.

There are also so many other girls who have played the ‘girl’ in a variety of scenes. Some girls have even made up their own scenes that incorporate her and her best friend Angela.

I love seeing the ‘girl’ come to life. She reflects the energy, honesty, vitality and fun loving aspects of being alive. She also reflects and shares the tough sides of growing up: the disappointments, the failings and successes of parents, the loss of opportunity, the magic moments that happen, that we remember forever, even when we become grandparents ourselves rather than girls. And of course the coming to terms with a less than perfect situation. Above all, the girl is resilient and determined. She gets over her moods and comes out of the gloom when it happens. Hurrah for the ‘Girl’! May she always prosper! And may we as adult women continue to help girls become women of courage and wisdom as we celebrate and help all girls and women come into their own successes and opportunities in life.

The post “The Girl” Is All Girls appeared first on Enchanted Self.

But perhaps nothing equals some of the anxiety, rage and panic a parent can have once her child reaches being a tween and then a teen. Looming in front of her are all the reports on drugs, drinking, overdoses, suicides, guns, constant social media, YIKES.

Parties, friends, learning to drive, drinking, bullying, school work, family fighting, crushes, too early sexual activity. How can we stay alert to tween and teen danger?

1. Never to late to sit down with your tween and teen and go over the rules of your home. That can include among your unique rules such as shoes off at the front door, more general rules such as curfew hours, chores, cell phone usage, keeping you up to date on where your child is, money constraints, etc.

2. Rules are great but you don’t have to stop with the formality of the do’s and don’ts. It is a perfect time to talk about values and issues. Tell your tween or teen what your values are around such things as alcohol, drugs, sex, vulgar language, etc. Don’t be afraid, they want to know what you think about serious matters. And make sure you are clear about what is legal in your state. If the drinking age is 21, or even 18, if she is 17 and invited to have a beer at someone’s home, there is only one clear answer. “No, thank you.”3. Most important is to help your tween or teen understand that you are on their side. No matter what tight spot they may find themselves in, they can always call upon you for help and guidance. Yes, you may be angry and at times even have to ‘act like a parent’ and yell or insist on things going a certain way, but it all comes from love and having taken on the responsibility of helping your child grow up to be a wonderful adult.

Take a look at the film clip above from ‘Help From Beyond, A Coming of Age, Selfie Film’. https://vimeo.com/247253509.  I directed, wrote and am now creating the finished product. It spins off of my two books for girls, tweens and teens: The Truth, Diary of a Gutsy Tween and Secrets, Diary of a Gutsy Teen. In this scene the girl has gone to a party where there is drinking. Her mother is furious but also concerned. Can you relate to this scene?

The post The Truth for Tweens and Teens: Parents Please Come Up To The Plate appeared first on Enchanted Self.