the original GORM pedalboard

Before I detail my little DIY odyssey I’ll quickly share with you the pedals I have in my collection and the order I’ve placed them in the signal chain. I’ll also say a few words about each pedal.

1. Korg Pitchblack Tuner - This little guy tunes my guitar and does a pretty good job of it. It goes first in the effects chain because it needs a pure guitar signal in order to read the notes accurately. Of course, it goes without saying that a tuning pedal should not be a substitute for tuning by ear, as that is a crucial skill for any guitarist, but it is still very handy to have in an effects board in order to get perfect tuning on the fly.

2. Vox V847 Wah - A wah wah pedal is a guitarists best friend and should be the first pedal you purchase. It’s great to use simply as a boost – Jimmy Page often played with his wah kicked on to give his leads extra bite. Wah works great with either overdrive or clean, which makes it a very versatile pedal. I run the wah before the dirt because to my ears it sounds better to add overdrive/distortion to a clean wah sound rather than add wah to a distorted signal. My Vox has been modded by Modest Mike to make it true bypass (doesn’t suck tone), he also greatly increased its range and vocal quality, and even added a switch that turns the wah into a volume pedal!

3. MXR Dyna Comp -  A recording musicians most prized pedal – listen to any of your favourite albums and a compressor was likely used on the guitar. The Dyna Comp compresses your guitar signal so that the dynamics are consistent while adding a bit of sustain. The evened out dynamics makes it ideal for playing chords that don’t cut through the mix too drastically, while the sustain gives guitar solos a nice character. Tube driven overdrive compresses your signal somewhat, which results in a slightly squashed sound. Used thoroughly in funk for that smooth, syncopated flavour.

4. EHX Micro Synthesizer - This pedal is an absolute beast. Electro Harmonix are notorious for making crazy pedals and this one is certainly no exception! The Micro Synth somehow makes your guitar sound like a Moog synthesizer, capable of everything from slow, pulsating swells, to fast lazer beams. It also has an octave up (think Hendrix) and a sub-octave (makes your guitar sound like a bass) voice slider. It’s completely analog so the sound is warm and natural, not artificial at all like some digital synths. Mine was modded by shotgunnmods to make it sound fatter and more bad ass in every way. He also made the pedal true bypass (just like the wah, this pedal is a huge tone sucker without true bypass, absolutely essential mod) and tweaked it to work with a specially modded crybaby wah that controls the stop frequency of the pedal, enabling me to create synth wah effects. Super cool!

5. Boss SD-1 - The Boss Super Drive is the cheapest pedal I own (it cost me around $30) but it also delivers the most tone for the money spent. This is seriously a great sounding overdrive pedal and sounds even better now since I got it modded by the same guy who modded my wah. It’s been modded to resemble the famous Ibanez TS-808 Tube Screamer Pedal. This puppy has a lot of sweet gain on tap.

6. Fulltone OCD - The OCD (obsessive compulsive drive) is without a doubt the best overdrive pedal I have ever played. It produces a totally organic sounding drive that can otherwise only be obtained by cranking a tube amp. Think ‘The Ocean’ by Led Zeppelin… that’s what this pedal does. It can be powered by either a 9V or 18V adaptor. I play mine with 18v as it gives the pedal way more headroom and rewards me with a less fizzy, and more dynamic overdrive. I stack this with the Boss SD-1 to get some sizzling tones.

7. EHX Big Muff Pi - The legendary Big Muff fuzz pedal. Famous for being used by David Gilmour (check out ‘Echoes’ live at Pompeii for a great example). Fuzz is different from overdrive in the sense that it’s rougher and, well, fuzzier. I actually stole this pedal from Allans back when I was in high school and got blacklisted from the shop because of it. I remember getting voice messages on my phone from the guy at the store accusing me of ‘stealing the Big Muff’ and finding it hilarious. I feel bad for it now, in retrospect, but I would still never give up this pedal! For another great example of what this pedal can accomplish have a listen to ‘Sitting on Top of the World’ by Cream.

8. MXR M-108 10 Band Equaliser - This is a pedal that would likely get overlooked by most tone searchers as it doesn’t really do anything wild and seems to be a waste of money, but that is far from reality. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that if you are unsatisfied with your tone, then this should be the first pedal you buy. Forget what I said about the wah, this is the most essential tool to have. It completely opens up your tonal range by allowing you to tweak with 10 sliders covering basically every usable frequency that a guitar can produce. With this pedal you can literally sculpt your sound. I put it after the overdrive/fuzz pedals so I can use it to shape the sound of my drive.

9. EHX Memory Toy - The Memory Toy is a lot of fun, as toys should be. It’s a tiny version of the infamous Memory Man (there’s also a pedal in between the Man and the Toy called the Memory Boy.. isn’t that cute) The Memory Toy is an all analog delay that creates warm, vibrant repeats. It also acts as a great boost and just fills the air with a indescribably sweet sustain (I just described it didn’t I?) This thing also self-oscialltes when you put the feedback knob on full, creating some crazy sounds. Works great in conjunction with my Micro Synth for launching into outer space.

10. EHX Holy Grail Nano - The stock reverb on my Vox AC15 is pretty pathetic, and while changing the reverb tank to an Accutronics was a huge improvement, still nothing can touch the reverb that leaks out of this tiny pedal. It has three switches: Spring, Hall, and Flerb. Flerb is flanger mixed with reverb and I rarely use it. Spring is what my amp uses and is known for that washed out surfy sound, while hall makes you sound like you’re playing in a concert stadium, and is just the business.

11. Boss RC-3 Loop Station - This is possibly the best pedal purchase I made as it has single handedly improved my guitar playing more so than any other thing I can think of. It has put my learning on overdrive as it allows me to record guitar rhythms on top of a drum track and loop it endlessly, letting me craft solos over the top for as long as I please. It’s like having a band in a pedal. Truly awesome.

All right, so now that I’ve explained my pedal setup it’s time to get straight into the heart of this post. The DIY IKEA pedalboard!

Ingredients

• GORM shelf
• Sandpaper
• Paint
• Saw
• Hammer/Nails
• Velcro tape
• Patch cables
• Pedals

First thing you need to do is pay a visit to your local IKEA and pick up a GORM shelf in either 77 x 31cm ($15) or 77 x 51cm ($20). They come in packs of two. The smaller one has three instead of five planks of wood. I bought the larger one, as you can see in the pic. The thing looks a little plain and needs a bit of work, but you can no doubt see the potential.

After you’ve purchased and taken home your GORM shelf it’s time to sand the hell out of it. This is to ensure a smooth surface for the paint job you hopefully plan to do. Use whatever grit sand paper you want, so long as you make sure you do a real good job getting a fine layer of that wood finish off the board.

Next you want to paint the thing. You can use spray paint if you like but I opted to use house paint because it’s thicker and produces a nicer overall finish than spray paint. If you use house paint make sure to use a roller as using a paint brush will only be a pain in the ass and will also result in an uneven finish. Be sure to choose a colour that suits you as this is one of the most personal steps in the whole process. I chose a cream white to match my amp cabinet, and also because I enjoy the contrast it has against the black velcro.

Next step is to get the other shelf that came in the set and saw off one of the planks. This plank will be used to raise the pedalboard at a slight angle so the pedals at the back of the board are as reachable as the pedals in the front. You might need a hammer to remove the nails once you’ve taken the plank out. Go ahead and sand/paint this piece of wood as well.

After I had done this step I placed the pedals flat on the board to get an idea of how much space I would have. I decided that the board was too large for the amount of pedals I had and decided to saw off one of the planks from the main board. Had I known this before I could’ve saved myself having to saw a plank off the spare board. Note in the picture the board now has 4 instead of 5 planks.

The next step is to get out your velcro tape. You should have enough tape for both the pedalboard and for each of the pedals. Cut strips of the soft, fuzzy velcro and attach it carefully to each plank on the board. If you’re as anal as me then you will try to place the tape as symmetrically as possible. I only taped the middle of each plank and left room on either side so more of the white finish would be visible.

After you have carefully applied the soft velcro tape to the board it is time to attach the sharp, hook velcro tape to the bases of each pedal. But before you do this make sure to take off any rubber feet glued to the pedals. BOSS pedals in particular have a rather thick rubber padding on the bottom, which should be removed.

You might have a hard time defacing your pedals like this, but know that these rubber feet are no longer necessary and will only get in the way of securing a strong connection with the velcro tape. If resale value is a concern of yours, you can keep the rubber feet in a zip lock bag. Now it is time to measure the length of tape needed for each pedal, and to cut it.

Once you’ve cut the hook side velcro tape you simply stick it on the back of each pedal. You might be wondering what those weird robot ear looking things are coming out of my pedals. Those are connectors for my patch cables which I’ll be making myself with a patch cable kit. More on that later.

And by later I mean now. What cables you use play a very important role in your pedalboard. Using cheap and inferior cables results in a lot of unwanted noise in your chain and a diminished tone as a result of the guitar signal being inadequately transported from pedal to pedal. Also you want to use the least amount of cable possible, as too much means your guitar signal has longer to travel to reach the amp, and therefore loses sonic potency on the way.

The solution to this problem? Make your own cables using superior materials. This usually requires a soldering iron and soldering skills. But you can buy solderless cable kits that include a certain length of cable, a cable cutter, and a bunch of connector points. The kit I purchased from Planet Waves includes all of the above, and making cables is as easy as measuring the length I need, cutting the cable, putting it inside the connector, and screwing it shut with a small flat head screwdriver.

Now all that’s left to do is to place the pedals on the board in the order you want to have them, keeping in mind that generally tuners go first, followed by filters (wah, auto wah, envelope filters), then compressors, then overdrives, then modulation (chorus, tremolo, flangers, phasers), then volume pedals, then delays, and finally reverb. EQs are generally placed either before or after the overdrive. Be sure to put the very first pedal in the chain on the very far right or left of the board, and the last pedal in the chain on the edge of the opposite side. This is so you can easily plug your guitar into one side of the pedal board and plug your amp into the other.

Once you’ve decided on the perfect layout for your pedals – one which results in the least amount of cable distance between each pedal in the chain – it’s time to start cutting the cables to length and attaching them to each pedal. It’s best to use right angle rather than straight angle connectors, so they can be hidden inside the gaps in between each plank of wood, which saves space and looks less cluttered.

You will also want to attach the spare plank to the back of the board now and hammer it in place with some nails. A screwdriver can also work, but be careful not to use screws too big, as they can split the wood.

Lastly, attach a powerboard to the underside of the pedalboard (use any velcro tape you have left) and plug all of your power adaptors into it. Ideally you should get a single power adaptor with a high energy output (1000msa or higher) and a daisy chain, so you can power all of your pedals with the one adaptor.

If you like you can also attach rubber feet to the bottom of the board to give it a little extra height and some added support. You can also get a strip of wood and nail it into the underside to give the thing some more stability.

And there you have it, a fully functional, personally customised, and cheap pedalboard!

Other gear related guides

AC15 Mod Guide
AC4TV Mod Guide

This post will be dealing with a more science oriented approach to psychology known as cognitive neuroscience, which is a  branch of psychology that involves intensive study of the brain as well as behaviour. The human brain is a lot more than a mass of grey goop; it is an extremely complicated organ consisting of a team of 50 billion neurons (each of which link up to 10,000 more neurons!) that work around the clock to control every thought, action, and perception we have. Your brain is responsible for literally everything you think and know about yourself and the world you live in, and is therefore the holy grail of psychology, as everything that is knowable has it’s roots in the brain. Even though we all have a brain, we are not born with an instruction manual on how to use it, or how it works. So we spend the rest of our lives letting it work on autopilot, outside our conscious control – do we control the brain, or does the brain control us?

In a great display of irony, scientists and neuropsychologists have dedicated a significant portion of their own brains power in order to understandhow it works. Over time this has resulted in enormous advances in technology, which allow us numerous ways of obtaining detailed information about the brain’s structure and functioning and what roles it plays in dictating human behaviour. With access to this technology we are able to find out exactly what areas of the brain are responsible for certain behaviours and actions, and also how these areas of the brain are affected in cases of disability and mental illness. Note that each piece of technology has both its strengths and limitations – at the most basic level they vary in the precision with which they identify the brain areas active when a task is performed (spatial resolution), and the time course of such activation (temporal resolution). I will now list 7 of the major techniques for studying the brain, in no particular order they are:

Single-unit recording 

This technique involves inserting a micro-electrode one 110,000th of a millimetre in diameter into the brain to study activity in single neurons. This is a very sensitive technique, since electrical charges of as little as one-millionth of a volt can be detected. This technique has it’s obvious advantages in being able to observe brain activity at a very localised level. Another advantage is that information about neuronial activity can be obtained over time periods ranging from small fractions of a second up to several hours or even days. However, the technique can only provide information about activity at the level of single neurons, so other techniques are necessary in order to assess the functional of larger cortical areas.

Event-related potentials (ERPs)

The electroencephalogram (EEG) is based on recordings of electrical brain activity measured at the surface of the scalp. Very small changes in electrical activity within the brain are picked up by scalp electrodes. These changes can be shown on the screen of a cathode-ray tube using an oscilloscope. However, background brain activity sometimes clouds the impact of stimulus processing on the EEG recording. This problem can be solved by presenting the same stimulus several times. After that, the segment of EEG following each stimulus is extracted and lined up with respect to the time of stimulus onset. These EEG segments are then simply averaged together to produce a single waveform. This method produces event-related potentials (ERPs) from EEG recordings and allows neuroscientists to distinguish genuine effects of stimulation from background brain activity. ERPs have very limited spatial resolution but their temporal resolution is excellent; they can often indicate when a given process occurred to within a few milliseconds.

Positron emission tomography (PET)

This technique involves the detection of positrons, which are the atomic particles emitted from some radioactive substances. Radioactively labelled water (the tracer) is injected into the body, and rapidly gathers in the brain’s blood vessels (seriously, who’s idea was this?) When part of the cortex becomes active, the labelled water moves rapidly to that place. A scanning device next measures the positrons emitted from the radioactive water. A computer then translates this information into images of the activity level in different brain regions, which looks like the brain viewed through thermal goggles. It seems dangerous to inject a radioactive substance into the body, but I have been assured that only tiny amounts of radioactivity are involved (everything is o.k in moderation, right?), and the tracer has a half-life of only 2 minutes. PET has reasonable spatial resolution, in that any active area within the brain can be located to within 5-10 millimetres. However, as with most things in life, it suffers from limitations too. For example, it has very poor temporal resolution – PET scans indicate the amount of activity in each region of the brain over a 30-60 second period, so therefore PET cannot assess the rapid changes in brain activity associated with most cognitive processes. Also, more importantly, PET scans require the patient/victim to be stabbed with a syringe full of radioactivity, which can sometimes make it difficult to administer.

Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI)

Magnetic resonance Imaging (MRI) is the process of using radio waves to excite atoms in the brain, which produces magnetic changes detected by a very large magnet surrounding the patient. These changes are then interpreted by a computer and turned into a very precise 3D picture. MRI scans can be obtained from numerous different angles but can only tell us about the structure of the brain rather than its functions. As cognitive neuroscientists are generally more interested in brain functions than brain structure, it is lucky that MRI technology can provide functional information in the form of functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). Oxyhaemoglobin is converted into deoxyhaemoglobin when neurons consume oxygen, and deoxyhaemoglobin produces distortions in the local magnetic field. This distortion is assessed by fMRI, and provides a measure of the concentration of deoxyhaemoglobin in the blood. Technically, what is measured infMRI is known as BOLD (blood-oxygen-level-dependent contrast). Changes in the BOLD signal produced by increased neural activity take some time to occur, so the temporal resolution of fMRI is about 2 or 3 seconds. However, its spatial resolution is very good (approximately 1mm). Since the temporal and spatial resolution of fMRI are both much better than PET, fMRI has largely overshadowed PET.

Magneto-encephalography (MEG)

Magneto-encephalography (MEG) involves using a superconducting quantum interference device (SQUID) to measure the magnetic fields produced by electrical brain activity. This technology is quite complex due to the size of the magnetic field created by the brain, which is extremely small relative to the earth’s magnetic field. It is also extremely expensive to use, as SQUIDS need to be kept very cool by means of liquid helium, and recordings are taken under magnetically shielded conditions. Despite this, the MEG provides very accurate measurement of brain activity, in part because the skull is virtually transparent to magnetic fields. This means that magnetic fields are minimally distorted by intervening tissue, which is a definite advantage over the electrical activity assessed by the EEG. Overall, MEG has excellent temporal resolution (at the millisecond level) and often has very good spatial resolution as well.

Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS)

Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a technique in which a coil is placed close to the participant’s head, and a very brief (less than 1 millisecond) but large magnetic pulse of current is run through it. This causes a short-lived magnetic field that generally, but not always, leads to inhibited processing activity in the affected area. More specifically, the magnetic field created leads to electrical stimulation of the brain. In practice, several magnetic pulses are usually administered in a fairly short period of time – this process is known as repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS). This technique creates a temporary ‘lesion’ so that the role of any given brain area in performing a given task can be assessed. If TMS applied to a particular brain area results in impaired task performance, it is reasonable to conclude that that brain area is necessary for the tasks performance. Therefore, the greatest advantage of TMS and rTMS over neuroimaging techniques is that it increases our confidence that a given brain area is necessary for the performance of some task. TMS allows us to manipulate or experimentally control the availability of any part of the brain for involvement in the performance of some cognitive task. In contrast, we can only establish associations or correlations between activation in various brain areas and task performance when using functional neuroimaging.

And there you have it, stay tuned for the next post on cognitive psychology!

“We gain enlightenment like the moon reflecting in the water. The moon does not get wet, nor is the water broken. Although its light is wide and great, the moon is reflected even in a puddle an inch wide. The whole moon and the whole sky are reflected in a drop of dew in the grass.”
- Dōgen Zenji

Man and His Horse

There is a story in zen circles about a man and a horse. The horse is galloping quickly, and it appears that the man on the horse is going somewhere important. Another man, standing alongside the road, shouts, “Where are you going?” and the first man replies, “I don’t know! Ask the horse!”

A Beautiful Goose

A Zen monk saw a beautiful goose fly by and he wanted to share this joy with his elder brother who was walking beside him. But at that moment, the other monk had bent down to remove a pebble from his sandle. By the time he looked up, the goose had already flown by. He asked, “What did you want me to see?” but the younger monk could only remain silent.

Zen Tea

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”
“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

Zen Dialogue

Zen teachers train their young pupils to express themselves. Two Zen temples each had a child protégé. One child, going to obtain vegetables each morning, would meet the other on the way.
“Where are you going?” asked the one.
“I am going wherever my feet go,” the other responded.
This reply puzzled the first child who went to his teacher for help. “Tomorrow morning,” the teacher told him, “when you meet that little fellow, ask him the same question. He will give you the same answer, and then you ask him: ‘Suppose you have no feet, then where are you going?’ That will fix him.”
The children met again the following morning.
“Where are you going?” asked the first child.
“I am going wherever the wind blows,” answered the other. This again nonplussed the youngster, who took his defeat to his teacher.
“Ask him where he is going if there is no wind,” suggested the teacher.
The next day the children met a third time.
“Where are you going?” asked the first child.
“I am going to the market to buy vegetables,” the other replied.

A Muddy Road

Once two Zen monks were walking together along a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling. Coming around a bend they met an attractive young girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection because of a big puddle of mud in her way. The girl asked if one of them could lift her across. The younger one said “Certainly not, my vows preclude my touching a woman.” The older monk simply picked her up and carried her across the river. The two monks walked on in silence for some time. Finally, the younger one spoke: “I cannot get over the fact that you carried that woman across the river. Have you no sense of propriety, no self discipline?”
The older one asked: “What did I do when I reached the other side?”
The younger one answered: “You put her down.”
“Exactly,” said the older monk, “And you are still carrying her!”

The Other Side

One day a young Buddhist on his journey home came to the banks of a wide river. Staring hopelessly at the great obstacle in front of him, he pondered for hours on just how to cross such a wide barrier. Just as he was about to give up his pursuit to continue his journey he saw a great teacher on the other side of the river. The young Buddhist yells over to the teacher, “Oh wise one, can you tell me how to get to the other side of this river”? The teacher ponders for a moment looks up and down the river and yells back, “My son, you are on the other side”.

The Dead Man’s Answer

When Mamiya, who later became a well-known preacher, went to a teacher for personal guidance, he was asked to explain the sound of one hand. Mamiya concentrated upon what the sound of one hand might be. “You are not working hard enough,” his teacher told him. “You are too attached to food, wealth, things, and that sound. It would be better if you died. That would solve the problem.” The next time Mamiya appeared before his teacher he was again asked what he had to show regarding the sound of one hand. Mamiya at once fell over as if he were dead.
“You are dead all right,” observed the teacher. “But how about that sound?”
“I haven’t solved that yet,” replied Mamiya, looking up.
“Dead men do not speak,” said the teacher. “Get out!”

A Flag Flapping in the Breeze

Once two Zen monks were walking down the road. It was a breezy day. One of them said to the other: “Look, the flag is flapping in the breeze.” The second monk replied: “No, that is foolish. The breeze is flapping the flag!” And so they spent an exciting quarter hour: “The flag is flapping!”
“The breeze is flapping!”
As the debate was heating up, the Zen master appeared on the road. They ran to him. “Roshi, please settle our dispute. I say the flag is flapping in the breeze, he says the breeze is flapping the flag. Which one of us is right?” The master looked at them with a penetrating eye. “You are both wrong,” he said. “Your minds are flapping!”

The Moon Cannot be Stolen

Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest kind of life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing in it to steal. Ryokan returned and caught him. “You may have come a long way to visit me,” he told the prowler, “and you shoud not return empty handed. Please take my clothes as a gift.” The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away. Ryokan sat naked, watching the moon. “Poor fellow, ” he mused, “I wish I could give him this beautiful moon.”

Three Days More

Suiwo, the disciple of Hakuin, was a good teacher. During one summer seclusion period, a pupil came to him from a southern island of Japan. Suiwo gave him the problem: “Hear the sound of one hand.” The pupil remained three years but could not pass the test. One night he came in tears to Suiwo. “I must return south in shame and embarrassment,” he said, “for I cannot solve my problem.”
“Wait one week more and meditate constantly,” advised Suiwo. Still no enlightenment came to the pupil. “Try for another week,” said Suiwo. The pupil obeyed, but in vain. “Still another week.” Yet this was of no avail. In despair the student begged to be released, but Suiwo requested another meditation of five days. They were without result. Then he said: “Meditate for three days longer, then if you fail to attain enlightenment, you had better kill yourself.” On the second day the pupil was enlightened.

The Voice of Happiness

After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master’s temple told a friend: “Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person’s face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice. Ordinarily when I hear someone congratulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world. “In all my experience, however, Bankei’s voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard.”

Everything is Best

When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer.
“Give me the best piece of meat you have,” said the customer.
“Everything in my shop is the best,” replied the butcher. “You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best.”
At these words Banzan became enlightened.

A Mother’s Advice

Jiun, a Shogun master, was a well-known Sanskrit scholar of the Tokugawa era. When he was young he used to deliver lectures to his brother students. His mother heard about this and wrote him a letter: “Son, I do not think you became a devotee of the Buddha because you desired to turn into a walking dictionary for others. There is no end to information and commentation, glory and honor. I wish you would stop this lecture business. Shut yourself up in a little temple in a remote part of the mountain. Devote your time to meditation and in this way attain true realization.”

Mokusen’s Hand

Mokusen Hiki was living in a temple in the province of Tamba. One of his adherents complained of the stinginess of his wife. Mokusen visited the adherent’s wife and showed her his clenched fist before her face. “What do you mean by that?” asked the surprised woman.
“Suppose my fist were always like that. What would you call it?” he asked.
“Deformed,” replied the woman.
The he opened his hand flat in her face and asked: “Suppose it were always like that. What then?”
“Another kind of deformity,” said the wife.
“If you understand that much,” finished Mokusen, “you are a good wife.” Then he left. After his visit, this wife helped her husband to distribute as well as to save.

Every Minute Zen

Zen students are with their masters at least two years before they presume to teach others. Nan-in was visited by Tenno, who, having passed his apprenticeship, had become a teacher. The day happened to be rainy, so Tenno wore wooden clogs and carried an umbrella. After greeting him Nan-in remarked: “I suppose you left your wooden clogs in the vestibule. I want to know if your umbrella is on the right or left side of the clogs.” Tenno, confused, had no instant answer. He realized that he was unable to carry his Zen every minute. He became Nan-in’s pupil, and he studied six more years to accomplish his every-minute Zen.

Flower Shower

Subhuti was Buddha’s disciple. He was able to understand the potency of emptiness, the viewpoint that nothing exists except in its relationship of subjectivity and objectivity. One day Subhuti, in a mood of sublime emptiness, was sitting under a tree. Flowers began to fall about him. “We are praising you for your discourse on emptiness,” the gods whispered to him. “But I have not spoken of emptiness,” said Subhuti.
“You have not spoken of emptiness, we have not heard emptiness,” responded the gods. “This is true emptiness.” And blossoms showered upon Subhuto as rain.

Dreamland

“Our schoolmaster used to take a nap every afternoon,” related a disciple of Soyen Shaku. “We children asked him why he did it and he told us: ‘I go to dreamland to meet the old sages just as Confucius did.’ When Confucius slept, he would dream of ancient sages and later tell his followers about them. “It was extremely hot one day so some of us took a nap. Our schoolmaster scolded us. ‘We went to dreamland to meet the ancient sages the same as Confucius did,’ we explained. ‘What was the message from those sages?’ our schoolmaster demanded. One of us replied: ‘We went to dreamland and met the sages and asked them if our schoolmaster came there every afternoon, but they said they had never seen any such fellow.’”

Zen in a Beggar’s Life

Tosui was a well-known Zen teacher of his time. He had lived in several temples and taught in various provinces. The last temple he visited accumulated so many adherents that Tosui told them he was going to quit the lecture business entirely. He advised them to disperse and go wherever they desired. After that no one could find any trace of him. Three years later one of his disciples discovered him living with some beggars under a bridge in Kyoto. He at once implored Tosui to teach him. “If you can do as I do for even a couple days, I might,” Tosui replied. So the former disciple dressed as a beggar and spent the day with Tosui. The following day one of the beggars died. Tosui and his pupil carried the body off at midnight and buried it on a mountainside. After that they returned to their shelter under the bridge. Tosui slept soundly the remainder of the night, but the disciple could not sleep. When morning came Tosui said: “We do not have to beg food today. Our dead friend has left some over there.” But the disciple was unable to eat a single bite of it.
“I have said you could not do as I,” concluded Tosui. “Get out of here and do not bother me again.”

The Thief Who Became a Disciple

One evening as Shichiri Kojun was reciting sutras a thief with a sharp sword entered, demanding either money or his life. Shichiri told him: “Do not disturb me. You can find the money in that drawer.” Then he resumed his recitation. A little while afterwards he stopped and called: “Don’t take it all. I need some to pay taxes with tomorrow.” The intruder gathered up most of the money and started to leave. “Thank a person when you receive a gift,” Shichiri added. The man thanked him and made off. A few days afterwards the fellow was caught and confessed, among others, the offence against Shichiri. When Shichiri was called as a witness he said: “This man is no thief, at least as far as I am concerned. I gave him money and he thanked me for it.” After he had finished his prison term, the man went to Shichiri and became his disciple.

Right and Wrong

When Bankei held his seclusion-weeks of meditation, pupils from many parts of Japan came to attend. During one of these gatherings a pupil was caught stealing. The matter was reported to Bankei with the request that the culprit be expelled. Bankei ignored the case. Later the pupil was caught in a similar act, and again Bankei disregarded the matter. This angered the other pupils, who drew up a petition asking for the dismissal of the thief, stating that otherwise they would leave in a body. When Bankei had read the petition he called everyone before him. “You are wise brothers,” he told them. “You know what is right and what is not right. You may go somewhere else to study if you wish, but this poor brother does not even know right from wrong. Who will teach him if I do not? I am going to keep him here even if all the rest of you leave.” A torrent of tears cleansed the face of the brother who had stolen. All desire to steal had vanished.

How Trees and Grass Become Enlightened

During the Kamakura period, Shinkan studied Tendai six years and then studied Zen seven years; then he went to China and contemplated Zen for thirteen years more. When he returned to Japan many desired to interview him and asked obscure questions. But when Shinkan received visitors, which was infrequently, he seldom answered their questions. One day a fifty-year-old student of enlightenment said to Shinkan: “I have studied the Tendai school of thought since I was a little boy, but one thing in it I cannot understand. Tendai claims that even the grass and trees will become enlightened. To me this seems very strange.”
“Of what use is it to discuss how grass and trees become enlightened?” asked Shinkan. “The question is how you yourself can become so. Did you even consider that?”
“I never thought of it that way,” marveled the old man.
“Then go home and think it over,” finished Shinkan.

Your Light May Go Out

A student of Tendai, a philosophical school of Buddhism, came to the Zen abode of Gasan as a pupil. When he was departing a few years later, Gasan warned him: “Studying the truth speculatively is useful as a way of collecting preaching material. But remember that unless you meditate constantly you light of truth may go out.”

The Giver Should Be Thankful

While Seietsu was the master of Engaku in Kamakura he required larger quarters, since those in which he was teaching were overcrowded. Umeza Seibei a merchant of Edo, decided to donate five hundred pieces of gold called ryo toward the construction of a more commodious school. This money he brought to the teacher. Seisetsu said: “All right. I will take it.” Umezu gave Seisetsu the sack of gold, but he was dissatisfied with the attitude of the teacher. One might live a whole year on three ryo, and the merchant had not even been thanked for five hundred. “In that sack are five hundred ryo,” hinted Umeza.
“You told me that before,” replied Seisetsu.
“Even if I am a wealthy merchant, five hundred ryo is a lot of money,” said Umezu.
“Do you want me to thank you for it?” asked Seisetsi.
“You ought to,” replied Umeza.
“Why should I?” inquired Seisetsu. “The giver should be thankful.”

The True Path

Just before Ninakawa passed away the Zen master Ikkyu visited him. “Shall I lead you on?” Ikkyu asked.
Ninakawa replied: “I came here alone and I go alone. What help could you be to me?”
Ikkyu answered: “If you think you really come and go, that is your delusion. Let me show you the path on which there is no coming and going.”
With his words, Ikkyu had revealed the path so clearly that Ninakawa smiled and passed away.

The Gates of Paradise

A soldier named Nobushige came to Hakuin, and asked: “Is there really a paradise and a hell?”
“Who are you?” inquired Hakuin.
“I am a samurai,” the warrior replied.
“You, a soldier!” exclaimed Hakuin. “What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar.” Nobushige became so angry that he began to draw his sword, but Hakuin continued: “So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably much too dull to cut off my head.” As Nobushige drew his sword Hakuin remarked: “Here open the gates of hell!” At these words the samurai, perceiving the master’s discipline, sheathed his sword and bowed. “Here open the gates of paradise,” said Hakuin.

Arresting the Stone Buddha

A merchant bearing fifty rolls of cotton goods on his shoulders stopped to rest from the heat of the day beneath a shelter where a large stone Buddha was standing. There he fell asleep, and when he awoke his goods had disappeared. He immediately reported the matter to the police. A judge named O-oka opened court to investigate. “That stone Buddha must have stolen the goods,” concluded the judge. “He is supposed to care for the welfare of the people, but he has failed to perform his holy duty. Arrest him.” The police arrested the stone Buddha and carried it into the court.

A noisy crowd followed the statue, curious to learn what kind of sentence the judge was about to impose. When O-oka appeared on the bench he rebuked the boisterous audience. “What right have you people to appear before the court laughing and joking in this manner? You are in contempt of court and subject to a fine and imprisonment.” The people hastened to apologize. “I shall have to impose a fine on you,” said the judge, “but I will remit it provided each one of you brings one roll of cotton goods to the court within three days. Anyone failing to do this will be arrested.” One of the rolls of cloth which the people brought was quickly recognized by the merchant as his own, and thus the thief was easily discovered. The merchant recovered his goods, and the cotton rolls were returned to the people.

Soldiers of Humanity

Once a division of the Japanese army was engaged in a sham battle, and some of the officers found it necessary to make their headquarters in Gasan’s temple. Gasan told his cook: “Let the officers have only the same simple fare we eat.” This made the army men angry, as they were used to very deferential treatment. One came to Gasan and said: “Who do you think we are? We are soldiers, sacrificing our lives for our country. Why don’t you treat us accordingly?”
Gasan answered sternly: “Who do you think we are? We are soldiers of humanity, aiming to save all sentient beings.”

Gudo and the Emperor

The emperor Goyozei was studying Zen under Gudo. He inquired: “In Zen this very mind is Buddha. Is this correct?”
Gudo answered: “If I say yes, you will think that you understand without understanding. If I say no, I would be contradicting a fact which you may understand quite well.”
On another day the emperor asked Gudo: “Where does the enlightened man go when he dies?”
Gudo answered: “I know not.”
“Why don’t you know?” asked the emperor.
“Because I have not died yet,” replied Gudo.
The emperor hesitated to inquire further about these things his mind could not grasp. So Gudo beat the floor with his hand as if to awaken him, and the emperor was enlightened! The emperor respected Zen and old Gudo more than ever after his enlightenment, and he even permitted Gudo to wear his hat in the palace in winter. When Gudo was over eighty he used to fall asleep in the midst of his lecture, and the emperor would quietly retire to another room so his beloved teacher might enjoy the rest his aging body required.

In the Hands of Destiny

A great Japanese warrior named Nobunaga decided to attack the enemy although he had only one-tenth the number of men the opposition commanded. He knew that he would win, but his soldiers were in doubt. On the way he stopped at a Shinto shrine and told his men: “After I visit the shrine I will toss a coin. If heads comes, we will win; if tails, we will lose. Destiny holds us in her hand.”
Nobunaga entered the shrine and offered a silent prayer. He came forth and tossed a coin. Heads appeared. His soldiers were so eager to fight that they won their battle easily.
“No one can change the hand of destiny,” his attendant told him after the battle.
“Indeed not,” said Nobunaga, showing a coin which had been doubled, with heads facing either way.

Killing

Gasan instructed his adherents one day: “Those who speak against killing and who desire to spare the lives of all conscious beings are right. It is good to protect even animals and insects. But what about those persons who kill time, what about those who are destroying wealth, and those who destroy political economy? We should not overlook them. Furthermore, what of the one who preaches without enlightenment? He is killing Buddhism.”

Kasan Sweat

Kasan was asked to officiate at the funeral of a provincial lord. He had never met lords and nobles before so he was nervous. When the ceremony started, Kasan sweat. Afterwards, when he had returned, he gathered his pupils together. Kasan confessed that he was not yet qualified to be a teacher for he lacked the sameness of bearing in the world of fame that he possessed in the secluded temple. Then Kasan resigned and became a pupil of another master. Eight years later he returned to his former pupils, enlightened.

Buddha’s Zen

Buddha said: “I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one’s eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons.”

The Most Valuable Thing in the World

Sozan, a Chinese Zen master, was asked by a student: “What is the most valuable thing in the world?”
The master replied: “The head of a dead cat.”
“Why is the head of a dead cat the most valuable thing in the world?” inquired the student.
Sozan replied: “Because no one can name its price.”

Learning to Be Silent

The pupils of the Tendai school used to study meditation before Zen entered Japan. Four of them who were intimate friends promised one another to observe seven days of silence. On the first day all were silent. Their meditation had begun auspiciously, but when night came and the oil lamps were growing dim one of the pupils could not help exclaiming to a servant: “Fix those lamps.”
The second pupils was surprised to hear the first one talk. “We are not supposed to say a word,” he remarked.
“You two are stupid. Why did you talk?” asked the third.
“I am the only one who has not talked,” concluded the fourth pupil.

The Blockhead Lord

Two Zen teachers, Daigu and Gudo, were invited to visit a lord. Upon arriving, Gudo said to the lord: “You are wise by nature and have an inborn ability to learn Zen.”
“Nonsense,” said Daigu. “Why do you flatter this blockhead? He may be a lord, but he doesn’t know anything of Zen.” So, instead of building a temple for Gudo, the lord built it for Daigu and studied Zen with him.

True Reformation

Ryokan devoted his life to the study of Zen. One day he heard that his nephew, despite the admonitions of relatives, was spending his money on a courtesan. Inasmuch as the nephew had taken Ryokan’s place in managing the family estate and the property was in danger of being dissipated, the relatives asked Ryoken to do something about it. Ryokan had to travel a long way to visit his nephew, whom he had not seen for many years. The nephew seemed pleased to meet his uncle again and invited him to remain overnight. All night Ryokan sat in meditation. As he was departing in the morning he said to the young man: “I must be getting old, my hand shakes so. Will you help me tie the string of my straw sandal?” The nephew helped him willingly. “Thank you,” finished Ryokan, “you see, a man becomes older and feebler day by day. Take good care of yourself.” Then Ryokan left, never mentioning a word about the courtesan or the complaints of the relatives. But, from that morning on, the dissipations of the nephew ended.

Show Me Your Temper

A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: “Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?”
“You have something very strange,” replied Bankei. “Let me see what you have.”
“Just now I cannot show it to you,” replied the other.
“When can you show it to me?” asked Bankei.
“It arises unexpectedly,” replied the student.
“Then,” concluded Bankei, “it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over.”

The Stone Mind

Hogen, a Chinese Zen teacher, lived alone in a small temple in the country. One day four traveling monks appeared and asked if they might make a fire in his yard to warm themselves. While they were building the fire, Hogen heard them arguing about subjectivity and objectivity. He joined them and said: “There is a big stone. Do you consider it to be inside or outside your mind?”
One of the monks replied: “From the Buddhist viewpoint everything is an objectification of mind, so I would say that the stone is inside my mind.”
“Your head must feel very heavy,” observed Hogen, “if you are carrying around a stone like that in your mind.”

Real Prosperity

A rich man asked Sengai to write something for the continued prosperity of his family so that it might be treasured from generation to generation. Sengai obtained a large sheet of paper and wrote: “Father dies, son dies, grandson dies.”
The rich man became angry. “I asked you to write something for the happiness of my family! Why do you make such a joke of this?”
“No joke is intended,” explained Sengai. “If before you yourself die your son should die, this would grieve you greatly. If your grandson should pass away before your son, both of you would be broken-hearted. If your family, generation after generation, passes away in the order I have named, it will be the natural course of life. I call this real prosperity.”

Just Go to Sleep

Gasan was sitting at the bedside of Tekisui three days before his teacher’s passing. Tekisui had already chosen him as his successor. A temple recently had burned and Gasan was busy rebuilding the structure. Tekisui asked him: “What are you going to do when you get the temple rebuilt?”
“When your sickness is over we want you to speak there,” said Gasan.
“Suppose I do not live until then?”
“Then we will get someone else,” replied Gasan.
“Suppose you cannot find anyone?” continued Tekisui.
Gasan answered loudly: “Don’t ask such foolish questions. Just go to sleep.”

Nothing Exists

Yamaoka Tesshu, as a young student of Zen, visited one master after another. He called upon Dokuon of Shokoku. Desiring to show his attainment, he said: “The mind, Buddha, and sentient beings, after all, do not exist. The true nature of phenomena is emptiness. There is no realization, no delusion, no sage, no mediocrity. There is no giving and nothing to be received.” Dokuon, who was smoking quietly, said nothing. Suddenly he whacked Yamaoka with his bamboo pipe. This made the youth quite angry. “If nothing exists,” inquired Dokuon, “where did this anger come from?”

No Work, No Food

Hyakujo, the Chinese Zen master, used to labor with his pupils even at the age of eighty, trimming the gardens, cleaning the grounds, and pruning the trees. The pupils felt sorry to see the old teacher working so hard, but they knew he would not listen to their advice to stop, so they hid away his tools. That day the master did not eat. The next day he did not eat, nor the next. “He may be angry because we have hidden his tools,” the pupils surmised. “We had better put them back.” The day they did, the teacher worked and ate the same as before. In the evening he instructed them: “No work, no food.”

Time to Die

Ikkyu, the Zen master, was very clever even as a boy. His teacher had a precious teacup, a rare antique. Ikkyu happened to break this cup and was greatly perplexed. Hearing the footsteps of his teacher, he held the pieces of the cup behind him. When the master appeared, Ikkyu asked: “Why do people have to die?”
“This is natural,” explained the older man. “Everything has to die and has just so long to live.”
Ikkyu, producing the shattered cup, added: “It was time for your cup to die.”

Three Kinds of Disciples

A Zen master named Gettan lived in the latter part of the Tokugawa era. He used to say: “There are three kinds of disciples: those who impart Zen to others, those who maintain the temples and shrines, and then there are the rice bags and the clothes-hangers.” Gasan expressed the same idea. When he was studying under Tekisui, his teacher was very severe. Sometimes he even beat him. Other pupils would not stand this kind of teaching and quit. Gasan remained, saying: “A poor disciple utilizes a teacher’s influence. A fair disciple admires a teacher’s kindness. A good disciple grows strong under a teacher’s discipline.”

How to Write a Chinese Poem

A well-known Japanese poet was asked how to compose a Chinese poem.

“The usual Chinese poem is four lines,” he explains. “The first line contains the initial phase; the second line, the continuation of that phase; the third line turns from this subject and begins a new one; and the fourth line brings the first three lines together. A popular Japanese song illustrates this:
Two daughters of a silk merchant live in Kyoto.
The elder is twenty, the younger, eighteen.
A soldier may kill with his sword.
But these girls slay men with their eyes.

Midnight Excursion

Many pupils were studying meditation under the Zen master Sengai. One of them used to arise at night, climb over the temple wall, and go to town on a pleasure jaunt. Sengai, inspecting the dormitory quarters, found this pupil missing one night and also discovered the high stool he had used to scale the wall. Sengai removed the stool and stood there in its place. When the wanderer returned, not knowing that Sengai was the stool, he put his feet on the master’s head and jumped down into the grounds. Discovering what he had done, he was aghast.
Sengai said: “It is very chilly in the early morning. Do be careful not to catch cold yourself.”
The pupil never went out at night again.

A Letter to a Dying Man

Bassui wrote the following letter to one of his disciples who was about to die:

“The essence of your mind is not born, so it will never die. It is not an existance, which is perishable. It is not an emptiness, which is a mere void. It has neither color nor form. It enjoys no pleasures and suffers no pains.

“I know you are very ill. Like a good Zen student, you are facing that sickness squarely. You may not know exactly who is suffering, but question yourself: What is the essence of this mind? Think only of this. You will need no more. Covet nothing. Your end which is endless is as a snowflake dissolving in the pure air.”

Other Teaching Stories

• Zen Story: The Tiger and the Strawberry
• Zen Story: The One-Eyed Argument
• Zen Story: The Taste of Banzo’s Sword
• Zen Story: The Tunnel
• Zen Story: The Stingy Artist
• Zen Story: The Ghost and the Beans
• Zen Story: Publishing the Sutras
• Sufi Story: The Impermanent Ring
• Sufi Story: The Watermelon Hunter
• Hindu Story: The Ten Pilgrims
• Hindu Story: Tat Tvam Asi
• Hindu Story: Tell the Truth, Don’t Get Angry
• Buddhist Story: Release Your Cows
• Unknown Story: The Scorpion and the Turtle
• Unknown Story: Narcissus and the Lake
• Unknown Story: The Stone Soup

After ten years Tetsugen had enough money to begin his task. It happened that at that time the Uji River overflowed. Famine followed. Tetsugen took the funds he had collected for the books and spent them to save others from starvation. Then he began again his work of collecting. Several years afterwards an epidemic spread over the country. Tetsugen again gave away what he had collected, to help his people. For a third time he started his work, and after twenty years his wish was fulfilled. The printing blocks which produced the first edition of sutras can be seen today in the Obaku monastery in Kyoto. The Japanese proudly tell their children that Tetsugen made three sets of sutras, and that the first two invisible sets surpass even the last.

Someone advised him to take his problem to a Zen master who lived close to the village. At length, in despair, the poor man went to him for help. “Your former wife became a ghost and knows everything you do,” commented the master. “Whatever you do or say, whatever you give you beloved, she knows. She must be a very wise ghost. Really you should admire such a ghost. The next time she appears, bargain with her. Tell her that she knows so much you can hide nothing from her, and that if she will answer you one question, you promise to break your engagement and remain single.”
“What is the question I must ask her?” inquired the man.
The master replied: “Take a large handful of soy beans and ask her exactly how many beans you hold in your hand. If she cannot tell you, you will know she is only a figment of your imagination and will trouble you no longer.” The next night, when the ghost appeared the man flattered her and told her that she knew everything. “Indeed,” replied the ghost, “and I know you went to see that Zen master today.”
“And since you know so much,” demanded the man, “tell me how many beans I hold in this hand!” There was no longer any ghost to answer the question.

A man walks by with hunger written on his face and stares down into the stone soup, the traveler says how delicious the soup will be if it had a little bit of cabbage; the man says he has some and runs home, returning moments later with a cabbage, which he drops into the cauldron. Later a woman walks over to the soup, she smells the cabbage and licks her lips hungrily. The traveler tells her how delicious the soup would be if it had just a little bit of carrot; the woman proudly replies that she has carrots growing in her garden and she rushes off to collect them, when she returns she drops the carrots into the soup. Throughout the day this episode repeats itself until the soup has cabbage, carrots, onions, leek, celery, potatoes, and of course, the big stone. Eventually the traveler takes the stone out of the soup and proclaims that the stone soup is ready. Everybody helps themselves to a big serving and enjoys the soup together; they all talk about how delicious it is. Plenty of soup remained in the cauldron after the feast was over, and so the town was relieved of their famine.

Matajuro was told never to speak of fencing and never to touch a sword. He cooked for his master, washed the dishes, made his bed, cleaned the yard, cared for the garden, all without a word of swordsmanship. Three years passed. Still Matajuro labored on. Thinking of his future, he was sad. He had not even begun to learn the art to which he had devoted his life. But one day Banzo crept up behind him and gave him a terrific blow with a wooden sword. The following day, when Matajuro was cooking rice, Banzo again sprang upon him unexpectedly. After that, day and night, Matajuro had to defend himself from unexpected thrusts. Not a moment passed in any day that he did not have to think of the taste of Banzo’s sword. He learned so rapidly he brought smiles to the face of his master. Matajuro became the greatest swordsman in the land.

So the young monk and the stranger went to the shrine and sat down. Shortly afterwards the traveler rose and went in to the elder brother and said: “Your young brother is a wonderful fellow. He defeated me.”
“Relate the dialogue to me,” said the elder one.
“Well,” explained the traveler, “first I held up one finger, representing Buddha, the enlightened one. So he held up two fingers, signifying Buddha and his teaching. I held up three fingers, representing Buddha, his teaching, and his followers, living the harmonious life. Then he shook his clenched fist in my face, indicating that all three come from one realization. Thus he won and so I have no right to remain here.” With this, the traveler left.

“Where is that fellow?” asked the younger one, running in to his elder brother.
“I understand you won the debate.”
“Won nothing. I’m going to beat him up.”
“Tell me the subject of the debate,” asked the elder one.
“Why, the minute he saw me he held up one finger, insulting me by insinuating that I have only one eye. Since he was a stranger I thought I would be polite to him, so I held up two fingers, congratulating him that he has two eyes. Then the impolite wretch held up three fingers, suggesting that between us we only have three eyes. So I got mad and got ready to punch him, but he ran out and that ended it!”