When our children were babies, Steve and I participated in dedication services, asking God to take them and use them.

As many of you can agree, Logan was a difficult child. I often said I wouldn’t take anything for him, but wouldn’t give a nickel for another one like him. I knew why animals ate their young, and had doubts about him surviving to become a teenager, much less an adult.

God did take Logan, and is using him, but I haven’t been happy about it.

• I tried to talk Logan into doing something else rather than ministry. I grew up in the church, working in the church office for several years, and have seen how cruel we can be to those who get caught – notice I didn’t say to those who sin, because we all do. I think the unpardonable sin in our church may be “getting caught.”
• When we took Logan to Baptist College of Florida, one of the students (encountered in the library while asking directions) encouraged him to take education classes so he could teach in case things “didn’t work out.” That sounds bad, but I agreed with him! Logan didn’t heed my advice or his.
• I discouraged Logan from coming back to Williston as a minister because our church was declining rather than growing, and because people would remember him as the little boy and young person growing up in the church, but he felt the Lord was calling him here to help.

I have sinned by trying to quench the Holy Spirit’s work through Logan’s life. It has taken this to make me confess that, to make me remember he’s not mine, he is God’s. I gave Logan to Him. What could I do if I cared enough to be involved in supporting the work that God has called him to do?

Logan doesn’t want this to be about him; he wants it to be about the church, reaching people for Jesus. Most members of our church probably won’t know what’s going on until it is over because, if we are not involved personally, it doesn’t affect us. I haven’t liked things that happened in the past, but felt there was nothing I could do. I know I don’t like conflict. I run from it rather than face it.

The difference this time? It is personal. One of the deacons didn’t want the church to call him as a minister last year, not because he didn’t love Logan and feel that he wasn’t called by God, but because he did. He knew it would be personal if we had to do the ‘hard thing’ and ask him to leave. But, if we call our church a family, it should be personal for each of us. Logan is extremely burdened for the church. He feels that God still wants him here but, at this point, it is up to the church members to decide.

Personally, I was not offended by the word used in Logan’s online post. In the past week, I have heard it on the Food Network referring to food, and seen it on a T-shirt referring to the Red Sox. Perhaps I’m too liberal, though. Perhaps he shouldn’t have used it in frustration to say that he wants our church to reach people and he believes we can do that. If he had used the words, “my church is lukewarm” instead, it would have meant basically the same thing, but I think the word was meant to be used as a shock factor to get people to read the post, and begin a discussion. It did that, and more.

I’m sorry that:

• I didn’t comment on his Facebook page, because I did agree with him.
• People didn’t get past the word to see the message.
• That people didn’t go to him instead of Tony.

Logan said, in his post, “I would question the love of anyone who sees me doing wrong and/or not maximizing my potential but who refuses to confront me about it.”

I believe Logan’s apology last Sunday morning was genuine; he took responsibility for his actions, even though most people didn’t know what he was apologizing for. Unfortunately, that drew more attention to the post. The deacons met with him Sunday night, then decided to ask him to shut down his website because of that and other objectionable material. While I don’t agree with everything on the website, it has been out there for everyone to see for at least two years. Obviously, if he doesn’t care if his mother reads it, he isn’t ashamed of it. He said it was listed on his resumé that was sent to the church. Did no one bother to look at it before now? Or were we only offended by it when it said something we didn’t want to hear?

Logan refused to shut down his website, although he agreed to let Tony review and edit posts. He was then asked for his resignation, which he also refused to submit, being unwilling to just disappear and have the church pretend everything is okay. As he has said, “The easy thing would be to leave. I think God is calling us to the hard thing.”

Ironically, ‘someone’ subsequently discovered that one of the offending reviews on the website was plagiarized. Rather than confronting Logan directly, ‘someone’ contacted the other website owner, who then contacted Logan to ask that he remove or reference the review. Logan removed the article on Wednesday, apologized to the author, and asked for her forgiveness. He confessed it to God, and is forgiven.

Tony informed him on Friday that he would have no ministry responsibilities until the matter is resolved. While I wish, as a mother, that Logan had taken the easy way and taken down his website, I also realize that it is a powerful tool that can be used for good. I wouldn’t want to go back 25 years with no internet or cell phone. We have to change with the times or be left behind. You certainly wouldn’t want to see me in my miniskirt.

Logan also said in his post that “if change is going to happen in my church…that change must begin with me.” Perhaps I am the change that is needed in ‘my’ church. I want people to know that I am not apathetic, and that I DO care enough to be involved. I don’t want to go quietly, but perhaps the change that is needed is for me to move on to someplace where the Lord can use me. I have to remember it’s not ‘my’ church, it’s God’s church; and if it’s not that, it’s only a building.

Logan has taken responsibility for his actions, asked for and received forgiveness from God. He has offered an apology and asked forgiveness from the church. Shall we forgive him? I want to say that I, as his mother and, more importantly, as a member of the church, forgive him. I want to be involved in supporting, not quenching, God’s work through him.

Will we keep looking for ways to get him out of a position of spiritual leadership? At this point, it won’t take much. If we do, will God forgive US?