There’s a great gal who I know through social networking. I have had a theory for years that she’s a Five (she reminds me SO much of Tina Fey), and I’ve spent numerous hours trying to tell her about the enneagram. One night I even held a little mini class introducing people to the enneagram spontaneously at a bar. Three hours. Seriously. And this gal listened the whole time.
But still, apparently was unconvinced of the awesomeness of the enneagram.

(Sidebar: She and a type Seven both called me an evangelist today. That’s good, right? )

So today I ran into her and she told me she had a story for me. She and her spouse were hanging out and she frivolously made reference to the enneagram.
And her spouse asked her what that was about.
So she looked it up to tell him about what Type Five (which I told her she was) was all about.

And after they spent an hour and a half reading all about it, her spouse and her both being amazed at how much Type Five’s description DID describe her, now she sees that the enneagram is “actually pretty deep.”

So the tip on type here is to NEVER underestimate a Type Five’s need to discover things for themselves. You can tell them all you want about something, but until they do their own research, it won’t have much juice for them.

She talked about playing the “Positivity” game. I was curious and asked her more about it, because, well, I always apply everything people say to myself to see if I think it’s useful or true. (Yeah, I know, I’m an Eight.)

My Four friend talked about how she tries to apply positivity to everything in her life, saying “yes” at least internally, if not externally, to everything that comes up in her day.

I was struggling with that a little, in terms of whether that seemed applicable to me. I mean, I have a consistent level of judgment. But is judgment the same thing as negativity? And doesn’t my judgment serve me? (Sure, I can have my negative days, but mostly, I feel pretty positive.)

This got me to thinking about what it is that I do to work with my way of being. And I realized that I play my own game, which I’ve dubbed “Alternate Stories.” It’s about surrendering my certainty about why people do the stuff they do, so that I get less triggered by it. (Read more about my Alternate Stories game here.)

So now I’m REALLY thinking…do we all have different games we play, or ways of coping with our personality types, our innate energies?

My Type Nine hubby pointed out that my Alternate Stories technique really would not be helpful to him. He’s plagued with enough possibility as it is, and figuring out what reality to believe in is already hard enough for him.

If you’re reading this, tell us: What’s your game and is it related to your enneagram type?

But the clearest example of type is portrayed by Sharon Gless, as the Type Two mother of Burn Notice hero Michael Westen. Take a look at the vid and see what you think.

I can’t even look beyond the first couple paragraphs without my Type Eight wanting to say, “duh!”

To me, and to those with whom I talk enneagram, the notion that type is present from birth seems obvious. As does the notion that some people have more anxiety, innately, than others. Sound like a potential Type Six, anyone?

(Funny enough, the person who sent this to me is, in my opinion, an unidentified Type Six.)

Certainly, some of these “anxiety” babies they talk about in the study could be other types as well. And I’m curious about what you think.

Read the full article here.

Pictured here is me and my friend Mollia. We are both dance/fitness instructors with The Nia Technique and we co-create dance routines for our students. We’ll do musical selection, arrangement, and choreography centered around a theme. For both Mollia and I, this process is a passion, a labor of love.

I think our productive partnership speaks to the synergy between a Type Seven and a Type Four. We love to “talk shop” – theory, process, the art and craft of creation. We both get flashes of genius, and we support each other to follow through to completion.

No doubt, she brings an appreciation of depth and the benefit of preparation. I keep us balanced by trusting the moment, and emphasizing play and unrehearsed goofiness. It’s a stellar combination.

One of our friends and Enneagram Lovers, Everett, started a topic about just that in our Enneagram Lovers Club.

From this thread came a great discussion about Type Ones and Type Sixes. I hadn’t heard about any issues between Ones and Sixes before, but Everett and James, a One, discovered they had similar issues with their counterparts.

Here’s a snippet:

James: …till this day most of the closest friends I have had, have been Sixes. But, when it comes to our belief structures, they always conflict with one another, and that tends to make for a lot of resentment in our friendships, or relationships at times. They are always clinging to their beliefs, and I am always the one challenging them. What I hope to be a debate, and exchange of ideas, turns out to be an argument. It upsets me when I am no longer a reliable source of security for that person.”

Everett: I have a friend who is a one and even though we have been friends for years there is always this tension between us. Like competitive brothers. Each trying to show each other how well we are doing (on a very subtle level). So even though we have been friends for years on some level I still wonder whether he ‘likes’ me or not!”

James: I have also been competitive with some of my Six friends at times! …I believe what it comes down to is that there is a huge lack of communication between these two types due to such a difference in the way we establish and express our belief structures. I can always make a connection with a Six, but when we start to delve into more personal or in depth topics, there is always confrontation. It really is great talking about this with you.”

To read their whole exchange, check out our budding community site at Enneagramlovers.ning.com.

If you’re an enneagram lover, you’re SO invited to join us!

Now some people would just ignore the moose. But my mom and my stepdad are both Type Ones, and when they found their property being visited, they figured out the Right Thing to do. They put a big black tub full of water near the pond for the moose to drink out of.

During the chilly winter, they go and break the ice in the tub and make sure there’s still available water for the moose when they can.

And it’s not just moose who reap benefits from my parents’ place. They’ve put up just the right birdhouses for several species of birds, they’ve planted the right trees and bushes to attract good bugs and other birds, and now they’ve built boxes to keep bees.

What’s noticeably One-ish about this to me?

It’s the way that they have learned what is right in nature and done their best to emulate it. They are devoted land stewards to the place they occupy, and I can see the joy on their faces as they get out their binoculars to bird watch from the house windows. They bask in the peace that comes from sitting on the patio and simply BEING in their yard which fits right in with all the natural surroundings.

There is such a gift from Type One in this way–that they see the Right Thing to be done, and make sure to do it. And the moose, for one, thank them.

Pictured here (left to right) is Chrissy Innominato (my sister, Type 9), Annette Innominato (my mother, Type 2), and me (Type 7).

***

Riso and Hudson call this triad the Positive Outlook Group. They say,

“The Positive Outlook Group is composed of types Nine, Two, and Seven. All three respond to conflict and difficulty by adopting, as much as possible, a “positive attitude,” reframing disappointment in some positive way. They want to emphasize the uplifting aspects of life and to look at the bright side of things. These types are morale-builders who enjoy helping other people feel good because they want to stay feeling good themselves (“I don’t have a problem”).

When my sister (the Type 9) is around my mom (Type 2) and I, she minimizes her problems, yes. But, Mom exaggerates the problem as a result, worries, frets, tries to solve it…offers solutions, options. In this dynamic, when we aren’t paying attention, inevitably my sister plays the role of “the victim”, my mother “the rescuer”. My sister might react defensively, defending her decisions, and mom feels compelled to voice the opposite position. For my part (Type 7), I defend my sister by blasting my mother, “leave her alone, she’s fine, (denying the problem)…what you’re doing isn’t helping!.” Mom feels defeated, sis feels bad about herself, I’m pissed. Hardly a “Positive Outlook Group”.

When my sis and I are alone, I am the rescuer- asking questions, inquiring into options. Meanwhile, months go by, and very little gets evolved! Big sigh.

We are all very well intentioned. We get into this snarl again and again (AND I’m a therapist!).
When we talk about these dynamics, things move. We laugh. We can see through our habitual responses to the heart of the matter. Maybe something changes, maybe it doesn’t.

What is most important is that we don’t stop bringing awareness and intention to our relationship. I know we love each other very much. And, we are growing together.

Knowing the enneagram and systemic dynamics really helps us to see that how we dance is to be expected given our types-in-relationship. That’s a good thing. Then, we can deepen into the moment and discover what is really needed. I bet a hug would be just right.

Dr. Cox cracks me up, as do all expressive Eights, in part because they say and do the stuff that I choose not to. As an Eight strongly connected to my inner Two, I limit and filter out much of what my Eight WANTS to say because, well, I like having friends.

Dr. Cox calls out stupidity, ignorance, uncertainty, and pretty much anything else that gets in his way. While my Eight part loves to watch that, I would have a hard time with the repercussions of behaving that way in my real life.

I allow a few moments, from time to time, of just blatantly stating the obvious, making a hard-edged joke, or being otherwise overtly reactive to people, and I believe that because these moments are more rare and (most of the time) filtered through my spirit-connection and Self, they’re much more effective in provoking change.

There is a time when cutting through the crap, calling out the BS, and even exaggerating extremes is called for. Unfortunately for Eight, that time is not ALL the time. So when we’re healthy, we learn to moderate inside ourselves a lot.

But that doesn’t stop me from finding it cathartically hysterical when I see those moments happen, repeatedly, on the screen.