Entrusted

How to Discipline a Toddler Who Is Swatting at Others?

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 14:00:00 GMT

Dear Betsy,

My daughter who turned two this week has recently started occasionally taking her hand and swatting me, or her older brothers in the face when she doesn’t get her way. This is out of character for her because she has a kind, loving, easy-going demeanor. I am in the Entrusted study currently and I felt that in our home I should spank her for this. Is spanking a good discipline choice for this face swatting issue for when we are in private? Also, she swatted me once in the grocery store this week and by the time we were in the car, it was already 15 minutes after the incident so I didn’t know the best way to discipline at that point since it was long after her behavior problem. What do you suggest if she does it again in public?

All for Him!

Dear All for Him:

Young children will try some outlandish, willful behaviors as they are growing up — especially if they can get away with them. Our job as parents who are entrusted with the care and training of these little ones is to identify the source of these behaviors:

Immaturity or ignorance in need of instruction
Defiance or willful behavior in need of discipline and correction, or
Emotions in need of proper perspective, admonition, exhortation, or encouragement.

Thankfully, you recognize the behavior for what it is: wanting to have her own way, rather than submitting her will. Therefore, it is her will that needs to be addressed (corrected/disciplined) but since she is so young she is also demonstrating her immaturity in not fully understanding that swatting someone in the face is not acceptable behavior. (Though the responses/reactions she receives from those she swats no likely delivers that message!)

So let’s first address training her mind so that she “knows better” and then secondly, address her willful behavior so that she learns to humbly submit her will to choosing the appropriate behavior. Here’s a possible way to train her in these areas: (Keep in mind that this recommendation is for a two year-old. An older child who already “knows better” should be dealt with according to their willfulness/defiance with discipline. And even as soon as she has this understanding, discipline is the appropriate response).

When she attempts to swat, calmly but firmly take hold of her hands placing them down to her sides or in her lap as you continue to hold them and say, “No swatting/slapping.” Continue to hold her hands until she relaxes even if she begins to get defiant. Wait her out until she submits then release her hands and repeat, “Momma said, no swatting.” Have her respond, “Ok, momma.” If she refuses, wait her out calmly until she gives you the proper response. When she says, “Ok, Momma” then give her a hug and say, “all done.” This correction also works well in public situations.

Keep your directions simple, concise and repetitive so that she learns how you will respond to this behavior and what you expect from her. And so importantly, be consistent should the swatting behavior recur. Also, when she is in a carefree, easy-going mode as you describe her, reinforce this training by teaching her to sit properly or to make requests appropriately. Praise her when she makes “right choices” by saying something like, “You are sitting nicely, thank you. You are making a right choice.”

If she falls back to her old pattern of swatting (after all, training is a process), inform her that she can make the right choice giving her the opportunity to obey before you have to respond in discipline. You might tell her that if she makes the wrong choice, she will get a spank. Be sure to follow through with the “full-circle” as instructed in Entrusted with a Child's Heart (pp. 210-212, 249), so that she will understand that there are consequences to disobedient or defiant behavior and so that your training will be effective.

Also, talk to her about being “soft/gentle” with people, pets, special things and how we are careful, loving and respectful to people; that swatting is not loving or gentle.

It is wise to help your child generalize this training to other areas of behavior. For example, it is good training to teach our children to sit without grabbing, poking, and other unacceptable behaviors, not just swatting. To train them to sit with their hands in their laps or folded will eliminate potential problems. My daughter, who has four children, all close in age, not to mention proximity, were tempted to “pick or poke” as siblings are prone to do. She would often say, while walking for instance, “hands in pockets,” and they would walk nicely in a line. Or while riding in the car, she would instruct “hands in laps” when they got antsy.

Blessings to you as you teach your daughter to humble herself to your training and to treat people with gentle kindness.

Dating Relationships

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 15:00:00 GMT

Dear Betsy,

We have a 17 year old teen who has asked to start dating. The boy she likes is very nice, but she is unsure if he is a Christian. She argues that it is hard to have in-depth conversations if she’s never alone with him, but we are reluctant to give her the OK to go out with him if we don’t know if he’s a believer or not. What do you suggest?
- Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned,

When your daughter reaches the age that you determine as fitting for her to date; be sure that you have also established clear delineations for dating, such as “how often," “how late,” “with whom” and so forth.

The “with whom” part is extremely important not only for the obvious immediate impact and implications on your daughter’s life but also for her future. Therefore, whether you hold the conviction that “dating is for the purpose of choosing a mate” (meaning that every suitor is evaluated as a potential spouse) or you hold the conviction that “dating is a testing ground for various relationships that eventually lead to choosing a spouse,” you want to have clear guidelines to keep your teen’s relational ship from succumbing to the heavy emotional waves that are sure to come during these dating years.

Certainly we want the best for our children, and as parents we are often the best objective voice of reason to them. We cannot place particular boundaries around their emotions but we can and must place guidelines and boundaries around their choices. They need to know that we have their optimal benefit in mind and to seek your approval before their heart engages in a relationship that you do not approve.

The Scriptures tell us (2 Corinthians 6:14) not to become unequally yoked with unbelievers, referring primarily to the marriage relationship, but we would not want to set up our teen to have a relationship that could eventually result in marriage to an unbeliever. Allowing a teen to dabble in relationships with unbelievers is playing with fire — no matter how “nice” he seems. A young man may seem nice, polite and all that, but does he hold the same standards as you do for your daughter in the areas of morality, purity, media choices, speech and so forth? An unbeliever simply will not. 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns us very directly, “Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.” Being “nice” or “a great guy” falls desperately short of the godly young man who (while also young and susceptible to emotions/hormones) hopefully has your daughter’s best interest at heart and respects you as her parents. In other words, Christian kids need accountability, too!

Many young men interested in lovely young ladies will declare their belief in God thinking if they say the right words they will “win the prize.” This happens all too often, I am sad to say. Often young couples marry only to discover in time that they are unequally yoked.

Any worthy young suitor should be happy and willing to speak to a young lady’s father/parents for permission to date. It is not a private matter between the young man and your daughter. That argument should raise a red flag for you. His willingness to speak to you as the parents demonstrates his respect — or lack thereof — for you and your husband.
A person may refer to himself as a believer, but this falls short of a profession of faith in Christ. Any true believer has no qualms about sharing their faith or their testimony. In fact, it is the natural declaration of a person who has the Holy Spirit residing in them.

I once had a conversation with a close friend who was considering a relationship with a man. I asked her if he was a believer and she emphatically stated, “Yes!” Then I asked her to confirm that he was a born-again believer to which she replied, “Well, I don’t know about THAT!” “THAT” says it all. It cannot be both ways and you will be able to tell.

I would encourage you not to allow your daughter to date anyone who does not have a clear profession of faith in Christ as their Savior and Lord and a testimony of how they came to this faith. Even though he is young, you will want to know that he has developed convictions for his life and that he lives under the authority of God’s Word.

In the Entrusted with a Child’s Heart book, we refer to these indicators of faith as “vital signs of a true believer” (see pages 448-450 and 495-499). The Bible instructs us that we can evaluate a person’s spiritual life by their spiritual fruit.

Here are a several examples of how this works:

Does the young person profess Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord? True believers cannot help but speak of what the Lord means to them and what He is doing in their lives. Believers do not treat such matters as “private” or as “none of your business.”
Does he seek out and enjoy the fellowship of other believers by attending church, youth group or other Christian fellowship? Or does he attempt to isolate your daughter and keep her from you, from her Christian friends, commitments, or devotional time?
Does he exemplify godly character in his attitude and behavior? Does he demonstrate respect for you and your daughter by following your instructions or boundaries? Or is he dismissive of you and the standards you have instilled in your daughter?
Does he have a track record and convictions for moral purity? Does he separate himself from the world’s value system and activities? Can he state his convictions to you? Or does he think that you are unrealistic, too rigid, out of touch or old-fashioned?
Does he encourage your daughter’s relationship with you as her parents — or does he pull her away from you, encouraging your daughter to be sneaky or keep secrets? Is he drawing her into things that are compromising her relationship with you or her walk with the Lord? In other words, does he lead her in the paths of righteousness or cause her to stumble? At some point, you will be helping your daughter choose a man who will be her leader, provider and protector. Do you observe the potential for these things in this young man?

Having a good chat between Dad and the young man, before emotions are overly engaged is essential. Even if Dad says, “No” to a particular suitor and your daughter becomes distraught, hang tough. It is a precious and pure demonstration of a father’s leading, provision and protection over his daughter. Some day he will consent and will essentially transfer this responsibility to his new son-in-law. Don’t give in to the emotional pleadings of your daughter if you KNOW the relationship is not in her best interest.

May the Lord bless your relationship as you grow together in directing your daughter down the path of making one of the most critical choices in her life. Show her how much you care for her and love her. And I pray that she will trust you as you seek the Lord in these decisions.

Modeling Love in our Families

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:00:00 GMT

I do love receiving a great Valentine from my husband. We spend a good deal of time picking out just the right sentiment and expression of our love and appreciation for each other. But I have discovered over the years that these cards are more than mere expressions, they are demonstrations of our commitment in words.

If we look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 phrase by phrase, we can begin to apply the traits of love to specific aspects of relationships with people, especially those in our families:

Love is patient and gentle with people.
Love is kind and gracious to people.
Love is not jealous or envious of others.
Love is not prideful, haughty boastful or bragging when talking to others.
Love does not act unbecomingly, rudely, or selfishly when working with others.
Love is not irritable, touchy, or demanding of its own way.
Love does not remember every wrong thing you ever did; it does not take personal offense. Love does not harbor bitterness, resentment or hold grudges.
Love is devoted to truth; it take no pleasure in someone else's sin. It is never glad about injustice, but rather rejoices when truth wins out.
Love is loyal despite difficult times or sacrifice.
Love says, "I believe the best about you. I expect your best and I will defend you, endure with you, and protect you in 'all things.'"

Our love for others is fully love when it is acted out, when it is more than just what we feel. We show that no matter what the world throws our way, we are committed to each other -- the whole year through!

Leaving a Sweet Impression

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:00:00 GMT

"Here we go round the mulberry bush… pop goes the weasel!"

"Did I really just sing that? WHERE did I pick it up from?" I asked my husband, laughing. It just seemed to suddenly be stuck in my mind. Retracing my steps, I quickly realized that one of our little girls had been singing it as I passed by her on my way downstairs. Now without even realizing it, I had picked it up and had started singing too.

As I thought about this, I realized that people can stay in my mind in a similar way. After spending time with certain friends, I'm left with specific ideas and feelings still replaying in my thoughts. With my dearest friends, topics such as following the Lord, loving our families, and seeking to bring the wisdom of God's Word into our everyday circumstances flow in and out of our conversations to the extent that they remain with me throughout the day. I leave these friends feeling renewed and refocused.

Do you have a friend like this? If so, you are blessed! Prioritize time with these friends and take the time to tell them how much they mean to you and how you value their presence in your life.

Are you a friend like that to others? If not, a great way to begin is by looking for friends who share your values for loving God and loving others. People with these values often gravitate toward God's Word and serving others -- so try looking for them in church Bible studies and ministries. Then look for ways to spend time together so you begin to know, enjoy, and encourage each other.

"And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God." 1 Sam 23:16

Explaining the Gospel to Children

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:00:00 GMT

During one of my first conversations with my then-preschool- aged daughter about Christ and her need for salvation, she was lying in my lap looking up at me. The perfect scenario for my precious little girl to learn about the Gospel, I thought. But soon after I started explaining in my very best kid-friendly theology, she became distracted. Still looking up at me from my lap, she announced,"Mom? Did you know that you have tiny hairs inside your nose?"

The second time she brought up questions about salvation, we were only a couple sentences into the conversation, when she noticed, "Look Mom -- I have lines on my toe!"

Talking to kids with short attention spans about these somewhat abstract ideas can be challenging. So one way we tried to help our little girls understand the Gospel was to create a gulf of sin right in our family room. Here's how you can do the same.

Item(s) Needed:
Colored Tape

Preparation:
Place one long line of colored tape on one side of a room representing God and another line of tape at the opposite end of the room representing "me." Then using the tape again, spell out the word, "sin" in the middle to illustrate how our sin separates us from God.

Lesson:
Next allow your children to try and cross from one line to the other -- they can hop, jump, skip or dive. Ours even tried cheating by shimmying along the couch. One word of caution, don't underestimate how far little legs can jump -- put the lines far apart to avoid their actually making it across to God!

Talk to your kids about ways people might try and get to God on their own. Then read Romans 3:23 together to explain how even with our very best efforts, we still fall short of God.

Next read Romans 5:8 and 6:23 together to show them how Christ died for us to make a way for us to be with God. Use the tape to make a cross from one side of the "divide" to the other to help them see how only Jesus can take away our sin and make a way to God. Kids will enjoy helping you mark the cross with tape and balancing on the narrow lines to make their way over to the other side.

If your children are still following, you can spend some time talking about how we receive this gift by admitting that we have sinned and deserve death and and about how we can receive God's gift of salvation in Christ. We can do this by repenting or turning away from our sin and trusting in Him for salvation.

Closing Prayer: If your child understands and is ready, guide him or her through a prayer to place their faith in Christ. However if they are not ready to respond, don't push the decision. Instead pray for the Spirit to continue whispering Truth to their hearts in ways they will understand. Then be ready to continue taking opportunities to respond to questions. Even if you only get a few sentences of simple explanation into them before they trail off to random notions such as nose hairs or toe lines, you can still know that you are laying an important foundation for their growing faith!

Do you have a practical way of helping children understand the Gospel? If so, please share it by commenting below.

Silver Platters

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:00:00 GMT

I believe that the Lord gives us (and so do our children!) special opportunities to build into their lives. We might also refer to them as “teachable moments,” those moments ripe for training, connecting, and reinforcing life lessons. It is so important that we are watchful as parents to recognize these opportunities when they present themselves. As Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, they may pop up anywhere and anyplace, so be prepared to grab hold of these special occasions.

Often though, we can find ourselves distracted or even unaware of what our children are doing, thinking, or feeling. It is wise to evaluate how attentive we are able to be and why. Certainly a new baby in the family or even unusual demands of life, commitments or ministry opportunities can “bottleneck”; but how do we typically respond to these opportunities and what is our long-term goal for building a lasting connection and relationship with our children?

Sometimes these special opportunities may call for discipline or full-circle intervention (as explained in Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, pp. 210-212 and 249). Sometime we miss meeting a simple need, a “call for help” or dismiss an act of disobedience/poor attitude because we don’t believe it is serious enough or important enough to warrant our attention at the time. As a result we often miss the opportunity presented. We may think, “If it is a big enough deal, it will come back up.” And to be sure, it does, as a bigger deal.

Has your toddler just reacted to your discipline with a cry of "You don't love me!"
Has your middle schooler just asked you if you ever tried drugs?
Has your teenager mentioned a certain someone of the opposite sex that has caught their eye?

Any of these comments can easily get lost in the busyness of a typical day but they are truly priceless opportunities not only to teach our children important principles, but also to continue to build that precious connection.

It takes time to be watchful. It takes practice to be careful listeners and intentional trainers. I like to think of these teachable moments as “silver platters” presenting us with golden opportunities for building into our children. As you observe your children today, see if they are holding out a silver platter of opportunity to you. Take full advantage of these times by stopping what you are doing, going to them, and addressing the situation. And may the Lord bless that precious connection between you.

Proverbs 25:11, “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances."

Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

God's Word Lights Our Path

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:00:00 GMT

Key Verse:
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

Items Needed:
A Flashlight for each child

Preparation:
Set up an obstacle course in your house using tipped over chairs, blankets, cushions, and other objects. Use your creativity to make it fun and challenging for your child to cross. Turn out the lights.

Lesson:
Call your children into the room and have them attempt to cross through the dark path using only their flashlight. For older children, you may want to allow them to attempt passing through it first without any light.

Next talk about how dark the world is without Christ. God's Word provides light for us as we pass through life. It gives us direction, encouragement, and hope. It tells us who we are, Who God is, how we have sinned, and how to find forgiveness in Christ. It also gives us instructions for living and a description of what living in eternity with God will be like.

Application (Discuss one or more of the following):

We need God's Word in this dark world, and we are so grateful for it.
What are some of the ways that God's Word gives light (or direction/ guidance) to our path?
In what ways can we use God's Word to light our path? In what ways do we neglect it?

Activities for Further Discussion:

Read through Psalm 119 together to find some of the words the Psalmist uses to describe God's Word.
Read a biography together about a missionary who took God's Word to a dark part of the world -- such as Jim Elliott, Nate Saint, Hudson Taylor, or Amy Carmichael.
Learn how God's Word continues to bring light to dark places around the world by reading a story together from the Bible League International.

Closing Prayer:
Thank God for the blessing of His Word. It is a light to our dark path in this world and a way to know and love Him. Ask Him to help your child prioritize His Truth and allow it to shape their view of everything in life. Pray that God's Word will grow wisdom in their hearts as they learn to see the connection between biblical truths and their everyday life.

For more fun activities to teach your children eternal truths, check out the rest of our Eternal Truths in Everyday Life articles.

How to Help Children Deal with Anger?

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:00:00 GMT

Dear Betsy,

I have a 6-year-old son who has struggled with anger and control issues since he was 3 years old. As a result, to this day he will stamp his feet, flail his arms and either cry, whine or complain in an angry tone VERY loudly when something disappoints him (most often, when he has to stop what he is doing, and switch to a new activity). I have begun to spank him every time he exhibits this behavior but I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Am I being controlling in trying to force him to stop, and eventually through maturity and growth in Christ he will stop without me spanking? He has shown fruit - that the Holy Spirit is in him. Often I will send him to his room to pray and “ask Jesus to help you WANT to have a good attitude.” He will come down with a completely changed attitude and behavior for the rest of the day. Am I being too harsh?

Sincerely, Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned:

We all deal with control issues as we learn humility, self-control, and other fruits of a disciplined life. These things are not “givens”; they are not guaranteed with age and will not automatically be characteristic of a person’s life even if they are an adult believer. That is why we have such an amazing stewardship of our children. God is entrusting us to train them in these things and more.

Discipline but Don't Exasperate. Be assured that every mother relates to being schooled in this one at some time or other! When children disobey they need to be disciplined. They need to learn how to bring their will under yours and see you as their authority. However children are tender little people who desire and need a close bond with their parents. And we have to be careful not to go so far as to exasperate or "provoke them to anger" (Ephesians 6:4).

Children want to please us and they are crushed in spirit when they sense our disappointment. But biblical discipline is divinely humane as it brings the offender and the offended back into fellowship and makes a way for the sin/disobedience to be dealt with for good. That is why it is so important to address willful disobedience in a young child and that he understand that he has a way back -- a way to make things right again.

Going Full Circle. Our Heavenly Father deals with us in much the same way so that as sinful beings we can be cleansed and live in fellowship with Him. 1 John 1:9 assures us that, “if we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

In Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, we refer to this way back as “going full-circle” in discipline which means that when we sin,

we admit and take responsibility for it,
we make amends and are restored,
we know the right choice to make if the situation comes up again, and
we are forgiven and restored.

(See the lesson “Committed to Discipline” for further reading on this topic or check our website archives for related articles.)

However if children do not understand their discipline or if their discipline is not taken full-circle, there will be a breakdown between the parent and child. When this happens, the child or the parent may become embittered against the other (even parents can become exasperated!). Hence a downward spiral that further disconnects the parent and child can begin. If we are not watchful or protective of this special bond all sorts of “interesting behaviors” may erupt.

Be Sensitive to your Child's Temperament. Sometimes I call this kind of exasperation in children simply being “undone.” And here is where we add another consideration into the mix – your child’s temperament. I did not mention this upfront because it is secondary to the training that God desires for His children regardless of their temperament.

Children can have different thresholds of when they “undo” or become exasperated, but we still have a duty to teach them to be self disciplined and controlled so that they don’t manipulate you to the point of giving up and not carrying through to discipline. In other words, don’t be tempted to excuse his behavior because of “temperament.” Children may be strong-willed, compliant or withdrawn, but we still need to be watchful of their wills, minds, and emotions.

Plan Ahead. I encourage you to spend some time thinking and praying through your plan ahead of time so that you can be “comfortable” in your discipline with your children. When you are not, they may sense that and take control of the situation through various manipulative techniques. But in any case, you must take your son full-circle and help him understand what is occurring through it. He needs to learn that you are consistent and committed to his maturity in all aspects.

Cool Down Time. Sometimes spanking is not the answer, but the child is still accountable for sinful behavior and the full-circle will address this. If they are particularly “undone” they may need a bit of quiet time to ponder their situation. This is one of those rare situations that such a “time out” may be appropriate.

Five-Minute Warnings. When you tell him it is time to stop, you might instead say, “Five minute warning” meaning in five minutes you are to stop. His response needs to be “Okay, Mom” indicating that he heard you and that when you say time is up, it is up. You can even make a game of practicing this in situations that are not so difficult to stop. Give him opportunities to learn to “make the right choice” and have success so that you are not exhausted with constantly feeling as if you are having to discipline or correct him.

Do-overs Allowed. I know a young mother of four with one son who seems to struggle more than the rest of her children when he encounters sudden “changes in direction” and so forth as you mentioned. She sometimes says to her son, “You can have a do-over. This doesn’t have to effect the rest of your day,” meaning you can choose right now to have a proper response going forward. Knowing there is a way to work through to a right conclusion and a new start reassures the child who knows his life has just spun out of control.

In fact, once when this child was told “tomorrow is a new day,” he responded, “I don’t want to wait until tomorrow, I want to start now.” What a sweet response in the heart of the child who is learning to make the right choices and defeat his own defiant will. The wisdom of this young mother reveals her understanding of her child’s need for tenderness and accountability. This is what training does over time but it is a long process, a lifelong process.

May the Lord bless you in the process.

Celebrating Life -- A Busy Mom's Response to Entrusted's “Tips Day”

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 15:00:00 GMT

In our Entrusted group, we recently enjoyed the "Tips Day" video in which Betsy shares her creative “out-of-the-box” ideas such as how to turn an old muffin tin into a paint easel and sort laundry with color-coded hangers. But honestly, the very first time I heard “Tips Day” taught live by Betsy over 11 years ago, I was overwhelmed. The ideas all sounded so good, so practical, so fun, but I was exhausted with just trying to figure out how I could muster up the extra time and energy to actually implement these tips. I had a hard time just getting my three kids dressed, fed and off to school each morning with a half-decent lunch and their homework done!

However, fast-forward 11 years and now as an “older, wiser mom,” who has heard Betsy’s “Tips Day” well over six times, I have learned not to get overwhelmed, but to really enjoy the journey of what it means to “build unity and order” in my often busy and chaotic home with six active children now ages 4 to 17.

As I reflect on how Betsy’s annual “Tips Day” has influenced me as a wife and mom over this last decade, I wanted to share three main insights that “clunked me over the head” during our class last week. Sometimes God has to do that to us to get our attention, especially for those of us who may have a very driven personality and a tendency to be task / performance-oriented.

1. Be realistic!
I realized after hearing my first “Tips Day” that it took Betsy over 20 years of parenting her own three children to test, create and collect all of her many “tips” that she shares. It was so unrealistic for me to try to implement all or even many of her creative ideas overnight. I needed to accept the reality that I, too, like Betsy, will have many tips and ideas to share after 20 years of parenting…

Instead of being discouraged, each year God has been calling me to just think about, pray about and implement one or two new tips during each particular season of life. This simple idea has helped to inspire me to do what I can, and not focus on the many things I cannot do. Over the last 11 years, I am excited to share that there is so much more unity and order in our home because of this simple discipline and Betsy’s tips and ideas I have been able to put in place – like “school files” and “family Sundays.”

2. Be honest!
I also had to admit that some moms are more creative than others. On a scale of 1 to 10, measuring creativity versus practicality, I would have to rate Betsy as a 20+ in creativity and me a 20+ in practicality. In other words, we are at opposite ends of this spectrum! I realized that this was why I was so drawn to her organizational tips, and much less enthusiastic about her creative ones – which included any type of art or mess.

Over the years, God has really humbled and challenged me in this area to not always be so practical (and in control) but learn to expect the messes and mistakes my kids WILL make, and to be prepared to graciously and patiently help them clean up. I felt a huge sense of victory as I actually enjoyed making a clay diorama several years ago and digging for worms with my boys this past summer.

3. Celebrate life!
The most surprising insight I gained from “Tips Day” last week was the simple and powerful theme of “celebrating life.” I was convicted that I could get so focused on always wanting to do everything in the best or most efficient and practical way, thereby losing sight of the true purpose of these wonderful tips and ideas, which is to “build unity and order” so we can celebrate the loved ones in our lives. The false thinking that I can’t really have fun with my children, unless and until my house is in order has been a constant challenge for me. Instead, these creative tips help us to manage our homes and put ideas and systems in place so we can have the time and energy to truly enjoy our kids and just have fun!

The Lord is faithful to help us in our weaknesses. This year in 2012, I am excited to make each of our birthdays extra special! I even took our three little boys sledding yesterday for the first time this winter, complete with cupcakes and hot chocolate, even though my kitchen was quite a mess and there was lots of laundry to do! We had so much fun - our boys couldn’t stop hugging and kissing me all afternoon in pure gratitude.

Thanks, Betsy, for “Tips Day” and for teaching us how to celebrate life in the midst of challenges, chaos and endless chores!

MOPS Group -- Immanuel Lutheran

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:00:00 GMT

This past week Betsy had the pleasure of addressing the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at Immanuel Lutheran Church in Crystal Lake, IL. It was truly a privilege to spend the morning with these young moms (and some older ones, too!) as Betsy passed on many helpful tips on the topic of discipline. Gina Cho, from our Entrusted staff, also spoke briefly on how Entrusted with a Child’s Heart has encouraged her as a mother over the past ten years.

Thank you, MOPS and Immanuel Lutheran for this wonderful opportunity!

Aunt Martha's Chili

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:00:00 GMT

My Aunt Martha shared this recipe with me when I was first married, and it’s the only chili recipe I have ever used. If you make it the day before, the flavors get even better. And I usually double the recipe to serve for another meal later in the week or freeze for another dinner on those days I don't have time to cook.

1 lb. ground beef or ground chuck
2 16 oz. cans dark red kidney beans, drained
1 green or red pepper, chopped
1 onion, chopped
1 16 oz. can crushed tomatoes
1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
1 T. chili powder
1 1/2 tsp. salt

Brown ground beef, onion and green pepper in large pot until meat is browned and onion and pepper are softened. Add remaining ingredients, stir and cover pot. Simmer for 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.

Note: This recipe works well in a crock pot. I sometimes add a little more tomato sauce to the recipe if it looks too dry. It's also fun to make a chili bar by filling bowls with shredded Mexican cheese, sour cream, chopped scallions, Rufina's Homemade Salsa, and guacamole, along with a basket filled with tortilla chips. Your family, or dinner guests, will enjoy building their own bowl of chili.

It Is What's on the Inside that Counts

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 15:00:00 GMT

This is the first in our new series of Eternal Truths in Everyday Life. We want to provide you with fun, interactive ways to teach Biblical truths to your children in ways that they will understand and remember. Here is one that will teach your children the importance of looking on the inside rather than on the outside -- using ICE CREAM! Have fun.

Key Verse:
"...for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7b

Items Needed:
Ice Cream Carton (one large carton for your children or you can get small cartons for each child)

Preparation:
Before starting the lesson, open the carton of ice cream and secretly empty the ice cream into a storage container. Then fill the emptied ice cream carton with dirt or some other undesirable object. Make sure the container is clean and looks as if it were just purchased. You may even want to put it in the freezer before the lesson so that it has a bit of frost on it.

Lesson:
Let your children know that you have purchased a special treat for them to enjoy with this Bible lesson. Take out the ice cream and look at the carton together. Talk about how delicious it looks and what is inside. You may even want to do this earlier than you plan on serving some to them in order to build up a sense of anticipation. Ask what they love most about the ice cream and talk about how you look forward to tasting it.

When you're ready to serve the special treat. Take out the bowls and ice cream scoop; then have one of your children open the carton. They will be surprised to find what is really inside! Their shock and disappointment lead to an important biblical lesson about how sometimes friends (or even we) may appear to be sweet and good on the outside while on the inside our hearts are ugly, weak, and/or sinful.

Or in the opposite way how people may sometime appear weak, small, or somehow unattractive by the world's standards on the outside, but on the inside they are strong and beautiful because they have God's love and power in them.

Read 1 Samuel 16:1-13 together to see a clear example of this principle. David's outward appearance showed he was young, less experienced, and smaller than his brothers. But God didn't look at that. Instead He looked at David's heart and saw that he was a mighty warrior worthy of being Israel's future king. David proved this when he later fought against the giant Goliath and won!

Now is a good time to reveal the hidden ice cream and make bowls to enjoy together while discussing the application part of this lesson.

Application (Discuss one or more of the following; there is enough content here to discuss a little now and more at a different time during the week.):

It is important to examine our own heart to make sure that it is clean before God. For older children, you can discuss the importance of having our beliefs match our thoughts and actions, remembering that God sees all of us.
It is important to take some time to know someone, "to look at their heart," before choosing whether or not they would be a good friend.
People who look differently than we do, who are smaller, have less physical ability, or have fewer resources than we do may be beautiful and strong on the inside.
People who have obvious physical attractiveness, are talented, and/ or popular may be filled with "dirt" on the inside.

Questions for Further Discussion:

What does a good heart look like? (humble, teachable, kind, obedient, trustworthy…)
What does a "dirty" heart look like? (thinks only of self, unkind, lying, disobedient…)

Closing Prayer:
Pray together, thanking God for looking beyond on our outward self and into our hearts. Ask God to continue changing your heart and your child's heart so that it is good and strong. Ask Him to also give your child wisdom to choose friends with good hearts so that they can encourage and strengthen each other toward loving and obeying God.

But in This Moment...

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 19:00:00 GMT

This December started out like many others -- enjoying Christmas parties, shopping, and family time. But over the weeks, many of my dear friends' holidays have become anything but normal as they encountered deeply difficult trials.

A friend's husband was diagnosed with ALS.
Another friend's seemingly healthy ten-year old daughter didn't wake up one morning.
And yet another friend's Christmas season was interrupted by a heart attack.

This plus others who have struggling marriages, depleted or empty checking accounts, and broken family relationships.

When friends we know walk through dark and difficult circumstances, we often search for words to express our love and concern -- like "God is good" and "God is sovereign." And it's all true -- He is!

But there's something else about Him that is seen by how He responded when His own friends agonized over loss -- the death of their dear friend and brother Lazarus (John 11).

Mary, Martha, and their brother Lazarus were dear friends of Jesus. So when Lazarus became gravely ill, Jesus went to him; but not soon enough. By the time He got there, Lazarus was already dead! Lazarus' friends didn't understand. The question must have burned in their hearts -- why didn't Jesus come sooner?!

Martha even said to Him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." (John 11:21)

As Jesus stood with Lazarus' friends who were weeping and grieving over their loss, He knew He had a plan and that it was all for good. He even knew that in minutes He would raise Lazarus from the dead and that these friends' weeping would turn to amazement and rejoicing.

But in that moment -- that moment of confusion, uncertainty, grief, and waiting… He noticed. He saw their broken hearts (John 11:33a), and "...he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled…. Jesus wept." (John 11:33b, John 11:35).

What a beautiful picture of Emmanuel, our God who came to be with us!

For those who feel the heaviness of loss this Christmas and who are waiting to see God's eternal purposes revealed in their circumstances, God SEES your pain. And He is deeply moved with loving compassion toward you as you struggle with grief and uncertainty.

He DOES have a plan that will be revealed in time, but right now, in THIS moment… He is present and He is "deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled" with you.

This is our Emmanuel -- the greatest gift. The reason we celebrate Christmas.

God with us!

Keeping Christ at the Focus of Your Family's Christmas

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:00:00 GMT

The month of December can quickly fill up with fun activities, family events, shopping, parties, and more. Here are some practical ways that your family can be intentional about keeping Christ at the focus of your celebration. Try finding at least one for your family to try this year!

Celebrate Him!

Birthday Party -- Throw a birthday party for Jesus. You can let your children or grandchildren help you decorate and bake a cake. Then spend time reading the Christmas story or watching a video version of it. You may even try inviting non-Christian friends and neighbors to hear about Jesus by celebrating with you.

Follow His Example.

Sacrifice for Others -- Give up something you would normally enjoy so that you can give to someone else in need. For example, one family I know gives up eating out for several weeks before Christmas and then uses the money they save to bless a family in need.

Serve others -- Decide as a family on someone you can serve together. Examples of this might be babysitting a single mom's children so she can get out to shop for them alone, spending an afternoon with a "shut in" or someone whom you know could use the company, or making homemade gifts, ornaments, or baked goods for people at a nearby nursing home.

Give -- Our children receive so many toys, and we often don't know what to do with them all! Because the toys build up, you could encourage your children to pick out a toy that is still in great shape to donate to a child in need. Find an agency or a place looking specifically for toys. If you can, try to get the child's name so that your children can write him or her a card.

Enjoy the Christmas Story Together.

Act it Out. You may enjoy using a book called Granny Mae's Christmas Play, which tells the story of a Grandma who helped her visiting family act out the story of Christmas using simple objects from around the house as props (socks, bathrobes, ties, etc). The book gives instructions on what is needed to have your own family Christmas play.

Create your own Photo Nativity. You can find instructions for this photo project HERE. This as a fun activity to do with your children that you can continue to enjoy year after year.

Watch It. Here are some suggestions...

Animated films like The Story of Christmas, The Prince of Peace, or Little Shepherd. (You may want to discuss any parts of the true story that are added or left out of these versions.)
The Nativity Story
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Memorize It. One member of our staff recites the story of Christmas with her children when they gather in her home. A few weeks before Christmas, she assigns older children and adults a verse or section to memorize from the Christmas story. Then when they gather to celebrate Christmas, each person recites his or her verse(s) in order so that together they form the whole story.

There are so many ways to remember the Reason we celebrate this time of year. Please share your family ideas and traditions for doing this by using the "Comments" section below. We'd love to hear from you!

Marshmallow Snowfriends

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 15:00:00 GMT

Here is an easy treat to make for a party favor or a teacher's gift this Christmas, and your kids can help! Take three marshmallows and place them on a lollipop stick (you can find these at craft stores in the baking aisle). Then dip the marshmallow sticks into white chocolate. Quickly move them onto wax paper to begin decorating. We used a Hershey Kiss for the hat on these snowfriends, but mini Reese's peanut butter cups work well too. Next get out all your sprinkles and decorate however you feel inspired.

We thought these guys were full of personality which got us thinking about all the different personalities God has made! You might enjoy talking about this with your kids as you have fun designing your own snowfriends.

How Should I Teach My Kids about Sexuality and Purity?

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 15:00:00 GMT

Dear Betsy,

The main question I have right now has to do with talking to our children about sex. To be honest, I have no idea what to tell them at their age. My oldest is 7 years old, and she assumed people have babies starting the minute they get married. When I had to try to explain why a certain couple does not have children, she had lots of questions. How much do I tell her? How do I tell her? I definitely believe in being honest; I am just not sure how much information she really needs at this age. Also, do I address it differently with my five-year-old son? Should my husband explain to the boys? Thanks so much for your input and wisdom:)

Because of Him, Kari

Dear Kari,

Recently I read an article by Dannah Gresh entitled, “Sexual Purity Starts at Seven.” It begins as follows, “By the time she is sixteen, a Christian girl has a 50/50 chance of surviving life without the experience of sexual sin, eating disorders and depression. Parents who “did everything right” can’t understand how it happened when their daughter falls on the wrong side of the stats. What they don’t know is that they may have done everything right, but started too late. The foundation for building an emotionally healthy teen girl – who stands free from the norms of an at-risk-culture – is built between the ages of 8 and 12.” As startling as this is, the timing of your question is perfect!

Explaining life and how our bodies work is the beginning. Allow them to ask simple questions, and give simple answers. Often they are not asking for more, but sometimes mothers feel compelled to dump the truck. When your daughter says that she thinks couples start having babies as soon as they are married, you may simply say that they start having the possibility to have babies but God controls the timing. That may be all she is really asking. It's up to your discretion how much you share -- a 7 year old might not be thinking about the possibility of having children outside of marriage, but your 10 year old might have already made this observation.

Be known as a truth teller with your children and teach them to come and check with you to see if what they’re hearing (on the playground or even in the classroom) is the truth. Kids hear so many things that confuse their thinking, and they need to know that they can rely on you as a source of wisdom and truth. So be truthful, but also wise in terms of how and when you deliver truth.

Be sure that your child realizes these are discreet matters that you only talk about between the two of you. And that other children should do the same. You may want to check with the mothers of your daughter's close friends to see what and when they are sharing with their daughters and to pray for each other.

Another important principle is that we must not confuse the idea of living lives of purity with a lecture on the taboos of premarital sex. They are very different things. In other words, when it comes to teaching our children about God’s wonderful purpose for our sexuality, we must resist the temptation to rattle off a list of “never do this” or “don’t do that” phrases, which can result in a negative view of sexuality. While the world has sexualized people and we want to stay clear of those exploitations, we also want them to grow up with a healthy view of sexuality. It has been said that people are sexual beings. I refute that; we are spiritual beings. We strive to preserve purity on all levels because individually—and as a body (the Church) we are waiting to be united with Christ as His Bride. This is a beautiful purpose and a spiritual truth of Scripture. (A book that I highly recommend along this topic is, Raising Purity by Gerald Hiestand.)

You will want to start young, with simple teachable moments as it says in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” When you have quiet little moments with your children and they ask a simple question, answer it. But also designate some time to do a little Bible study and go over some material to specifically talk over these things.

During the age span of 8 to 12, you can use this time together to introduce an age-appropriate talk on purity. Many parents use various Christian resources to help with this. We would, however, offer this disclaimer: You will definitely want to screen the contents of any resource you choose ahead of time, before introducing them to your children to determine whether you would agree with the author’s recommended ages and if you feel that the illustrations are appropriate for young ones.

Also, teach your children the related topics of appropriate modesty, respect for others, and privacy.

These topics can also lead to good discussions on marriage. Many young children (especially girls) begin to think about getting married when they grow up, so you can say, “What kind of man will you marry some day? It is so important to marry a man who loves Jesus…” In this way, you can begin to instill in them the principles and convictions that will anchor them during the teen years and beyond.

Dannah Gresh also has written some extremely helpful books along these lines: How to Keep the Little in Your Girl, Guiding Your Daughter from Her Tweens to Her Teens, and 8 Great Dates for Moms and Daughters (all titles available from Dannah’s ministry, Secret Keeper Girl).

As for boys, you may talk to him when he is very young, but Dad needs to be the one when he reaches age ten or so. Dad needs to be helping him develop “guardrails” for living in purity and convictions about how Jesus calls us to live in this world. There is so much emphasis on purity for girls, and often the boys are overlooked. It is critical that Dads begin early to hold their sons to accountability with regard to their own purity of heart and mind. (See pp 92-94, 397-404 and 464 of Entrusted with a Child’s Heart for more on this).

Again, several resources are available to specifically help dads with the task of raising boys to be godly men, such as:

Stepping Up by Dennis Rainey
Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis, or the newly released...
Time for the Talk: Leading Your Son into True Manhood by Steve Zollos (This book contains a helpful preface for mothers.)

Along these lines, for both boys and girls, you and your husband will want to develop family standards and a clear definition of a “date” that they will grow up knowing and understanding.

Finally, in summary:
BUILD A CLOSE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU,
SO THAT:

Your child will learn to trust you and seek you out as the source of truth. Start now teaching the truth of God’s Word and how we are created. Follow up with a talk about sex as you and your husband agree is appropriate, but at least by age ten.
Your child will continue to confide in you and keep communication open.
Your child will seek a lifestyle of purity that represents waiting for our true Groom (Jesus).
Your daughter will respect your opinion about how she dresses. Take interest in her wardrobe and build it together (this is one of the most fun things mothers and daughters can do together!).
Your child will grow up to be grateful for your love and example with anticipation for their possible “Wedding Day” sometime in the future. (In the meantime, you can have a ball creating a “wedding file” with your daughter of great ideas).

In our family we have a saying, "Little girls make the world go round." May God bless your little girl to grow up to be a godly young woman for His glory!

Betsy

Eternal Truths in Everyday Life

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 15:00:00 GMT

A modern version of the Entrusted memory verses in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 would read something like, "Let God's Words be always on your mind and in your heart. Diligently teach them to your children -- when you are sitting on the couch together or when you're driving them to school or soccer practice. Also talk about them when you go to bed at night and when you wake up the next morning."

My Personal Relationship with God. Talking to our children about spiritual principles should flow in and out of our daily lives as a natural part of our conversation. Moses says this kind of teaching begins with God's Word being on OUR hearts (Deut. 6:6-7). This happens as we personally engage in relationship with Him through prayer, meditating on His Word, and richly relating to others. Teaching our children begins here.

Modeling Truth. These verses describe a parent's job to teach kids in their homes during the in's and out's of everyday life together. And what better place for it? It's here in our daily interactions that our hearts become most apparent. Even the parts of our hearts that we'd rather others not see become more evident in our homes -- like on the mornings we are running late for school or when one of our children is tired and melts down.

The ways we respond in these challenging moments demonstrate what we really believe and value. And it's where we teach our children volumes about how to live -- as well as how to seek help from God in our weakness, how to confess our failures, seek forgiveness, and respond rightly the next time.

Talking about Truth. This kind of teaching should also take place in the everyday-ness of our lives together. What a wonderful opportunity we have for discipleship with these important little people! And as our Master Teacher, God has given us an enormous supply of examples to point to in everyday life. They are everywhere and in every season!

The falling of the leaves in Autumn which creates richer soil and new life in Spring (death brings life -- John 12:24)
The uniqueness of each snowflake in Winter and how it demonstrates how we too are wonderfully and uniquely made (Psalm 139:14)
God's faithfulness demonstrated in the Spring when He once again awakens His creation (Psalm 119:89-91)
Or the way teachable, yielded hearts grow fruits like love, joy, and peace -- just as fertile soil produces a crop in the Summer (Luke 8:15).

If we look around closely, and ask Him to show us, we will see examples of biblical truth like these all around us. And when we do, we should talk about them. Right then. Like, "Look at that! Isn't it amazing how God shows us this truth?..."

You can find more inspiration and ideas in a new series of blog articles we will be posting in upcoming weeks called Eternal Truths in Everyday Life. These how-to articles will walk you through fun, interactive ways to teach your children biblical truths using only simple items around your house. Watch for them soon!

"Know therefore that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments…" Deuteronomy 7:9

Thanksgiving Proclamation by George Washington 1789

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 15:00:00 GMT

Thanksgiving Day Proclamation
Date: October 3, 1789

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favour; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me “to recommend to the people of the United States a Day Of Public Thanksgiving and Prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:”

Now Therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the Twenty-Sixth Day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed;– for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish Constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted;– for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge;– and, in general, for all the great and various favours which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also, that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions: - to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness unto us); and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as he alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand, at the city of New York, the third day of October, in the year of our Lord, one thousand seven hundred and eighty-nine.

(Signed) George Washington

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:00:00 GMT

Thanksgiving is a celebration of all that God has provided for us. As you spend time with those you love during the days ahead, you may enjoy trying some of these ideas to help your family cultivate an "Attitude of Gratitude."

THANKSGIVING JOURNAL
Pass around a journal to all those celebrating your Thanksgiving meal with you -- children included. Allow each person to write his or her name as well as some of the things for which they are most thankful. Keep this journal to read and write in year after year as a record of your family's growth and thankfulness.

THANKSGIVING TREE
Draw a tree (without leaves) on brown construction paper, cut it out and glue it onto another piece of (orange or green) paper or poster board. Then cut out small leaves from red, orange, yellow and green pieces of paper and put them in an envelope. This can be put on a counter in a central location or on the refrigerator door with a magnet. As family members think of things they are thankful for, they can write them on the leaves and glue the leaves onto the branches of the tree. By Thanksgiving Day you should have a very colorful reminder of all of God's blessings in your life, right there where everyone can see it. It's also fun to keep these from year to year as mementos of your life together.

THANKSGIVING BASKET OF NOTES
During the week of Thanksgiving, set a basket and notecards out in a common area. Have your family write notes of thanks as they think about things throughout the week. Then on Thanksgiving morning take time to read the notes together as a family.

We love to hear your thoughts! Do you have a special way of expressing thankfulness with your family at Thanksgiving? If so, please share it with us by commenting below.

Hope for Discouraged Parents

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:00:00 GMT

The following two questions are similar in reflecting the discouragement we can often feel as parents. Though the details vary somewhat, the principles are similar and so I thought I would address them together.

Dear Betsy,

I am a home school mom who is having a difficult time with obedience. My oldest son is 10 and has always had a hard time with self-control. He is pretty wild although he has calmed quite a bit as he has gotten older. He has a bad attitude about helping with chores (everyday) and they are often not done correctly. He seems to have a new attitude of not caring so much about correction. My husband doesn't discipline. We both end up screaming and yelling but ultimately no real punishment is given because we feel bad for losing our tempers. I want to train my children to do right the first time, right away, and with a happy heart…but I am failing. I feel so overwhelmed and I fear it is too late for my family as I see my 5 year old and 3 year old picking up the same behavior. I am unsure if I should be super-stern or super-forgiving. I can't find a balance that works. There is so much written about how to train a toddler but what about those of us who are trying to fix what we failed to do earlier? I feel as though I need the “super nanny”....hahaha. I am only laughing though if you don't offer that, if you do, hurry! What advice and tangible ideas do you have on finding balance and setting limits for starting late???

Please Help,
Discouraged

Dear Betsy:

What hope can you offer parents who have teenagers and who feel like they have blown it? What hope can you offer moms or dads who feel like they are parenting alone even when there is another parent in the home?

Thanks so much.
Hopeless

Dear Discouraged and Hopeless:

The Scriptures give parents the permission and the conviction to train their children. Even unbelieving spouses appreciate the character and behavior of a biblically trained child whether or not they believe the Bible. They are usually fine with the outcome even if they relinquish, neglect or scoff at the process and the true — and, at times exhausting — work required. (By the way, this scenario does not merely apply to some cases of unbelieving husbands, but also to mothers and wives with believing spouses who have a “hands off,” passive attitude.)

Nevertheless, we as mothers are the primary nurturers and trainers of our children, because that is our God-given role, and because we are with them so much more than fathers are. When fathers neglect their role to be the “back up” to Mom and the final authority in the home, the system is strained —but not hopeless. As parents, we know that “training up” requires a tremendous amount of time and attention before we see the results down the road. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” And Galatians 6:9 says, “Do not lose heart in doing good, for in due time you shall reap if you do not grow weary.”

As children grow, they may buck the system and begin to take Mom for granted or “tune her out." They may develop attitudes that are dismissive, disrespectful, and disobedient. Undermining, manipulative tactics of selfish behavior meant to throw Mom completely off course will likely soon follow. Most every mother at times feels as if she has “blown it,” “failed,” that “her training is ineffective," or that she has “doomed her child to life on the dark side.” I certainly have felt this way at times. But children also have a responsibility for their own growth and this responsibility increases as they mature.

Be encouraged just knowing that this is a common concern among mothers. The Lord is with you in this process, even if your spouse is not. And if your child has come to saving faith in Christ, then the Lord promises to work in him/her and bring forth sanctifying fruit in His timing. Of course, there are still years of faithful training required on our part!

It is imperative that you build a tender connection with your child — one that takes the necessary time to establish, and that will guide them throughout their lives. You will want to take special care to guard this connection through the rough and tumble teenage years. Spend time together — just the two of you — for at least several minutes a day, and whenever possible eat dinner as a family to keep the lines of communication open. Have special things (they may be very simple things) that you look forward to doing together. Work as a team on things that give them a sense of growth, accomplishment, respect, increased responsibility, increased privilege, help to others, and so forth.

Entrusted with a Child’s Heart offers a diagram that helps to clarify this training process. It shows that, as your child matures, your role as parent will gradually change.

	AGES 0-5	AGES 6-12	AGES 13-20
Parents work to establish:	AUTHORITY	TRAINING/CORRECTION	GUIDANCE
Child learns to respond with:	SUBMISSION	OBEDIENCE	RESPECT
Resulting in:	HUMILITY	SELF-CONTROL	CHARACTER

As children are maturing, they will “test the anchors” of your training. We, as parents, must be watchful, careful and prayerful to stay the course and to keep that relational connection. If we are trying to control their outward behavior only, we will lose their heart (mind/will/emotion) in the process and that important connection. As parents we have been entrusted with the task of moving the hearts of our children from a state of self-centeredness toward one of God-centeredness. We are not called to be their best buddies, but rather to faithfully train and nurture them as long as they are living with us — although, as you can see, this role changes as they mature.

Do not be overly discouraged, but recognize and handle manipulation (the self-centeredness that is erupting will erode your relationship if not addressed). When these situations arise, step back and assess it without diving into the heat of the moment. After you have determined a plan of action, address it with your child/teen. Have a calm but firm discussion about your assessment and be willing to listen and hear them out. It may be that some repentance and forgiveness needs to take place to mend the relationship or maybe they simply need a renewed understanding of your expectations. Remember, as they are getting older, we are easing up on some authority and giving them leeway to learn from their choices.

Choose one or two important things to address rather than “dumping the truck” on them. A basic principle for them to learn in this guidance phase is that:

Lack of responsibility = Loss of privileges

and

Increased responsibility = Increased privileges.

(Note the term, “privileges,” not “rights.” There is much confusion in the current generation between the two!)

Be consistent, understanding, willing to discuss, but undeterred from the true task at hand. For further teaching on “Manipulation and Disrespect” see the following chapters in Entrusted with a Child’s Heart:

“Managing a Child,”
“Committed to Discipline,”
“Recognizing and Handling Manipulation,” and
“Dealing with Rebellion: Never Give Up.”

I Samuel 12:23 offers encouraging instruction for parents, “Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you; but I will instruct you in the good and right way.” The Lord continues His sanctifying work in our kids (and in us!). Isn’t it great to know that we do not have “to make sure they are perfect”?

Phew! This was a long answer! There is so much here to ponder, pray over, and put into action. Let’s pray together for strength!

Dear Jesus:

I pray for these mothers whose hearts are burdened. Please grant them a sense of Your nearness, a good measure of Your grace to patiently parent their children with a proper balance of love, limits and perseverance, knowing that their work is not in vain. I would even ask that You would greatly encourage their hearts today by revealing “buds” of the fruit yet to come through their labors. Help us all as mothers (parents) to be committed to the parenting process to which we are called, knowing that the true sanctifying work is accomplished and completed by You. We thank you for the sweet privilege to invest in the lives of our children. Please equip us to capture their hearts and captivate them with the wonder and blessing of living for You. Amen.

Joyfully for Him,

Entrusted at Revive '11

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:00:00 GMT

This past weekend our Entrusted Ministries team attended the Revive ’11 Conference in Indianapolis where we had the pleasure of talking with women’s ministry leaders from all around the country. We even met a lady who had traveled all the way from South Africa!

Thank you to Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Revive our Hearts for providing yet another opportunity for women to be refreshed and encouraged by powerful teaching, edifying music and sweet fellowship.

Entrusted Ministries’ Gina Cho explains the parenting curriculum to some ladies at our booth.

Three members of our team (from left), Gina Cho, Nancy McDonaugh and Joanie Wagner at the Revive ’11 Conference.

A Glimpse into one of our Entrusted Couples' Groups

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 15:00:00 GMT

Take a peek at one of our Couples’ Entrusted Home Groups in action! This group of married couples used the Entrusted with a Child's Heart, Book Format to learn and apply biblical principles to their families. Each week couples brought pictures of their kids and placed them on a rug. This is patterned after the account in the Bible (Luke 5) where the paralytic’s friends lowered him down through the roof — on a mat — so that Jesus could heal him.

Mary Ann (one of the group leaders) explains:

“We ended every evening with the pictures of all the children from each family placed on the rug. We varied the focus of the prayer time from evening to evening. Sometimes only the dads would pray; sometimes just the moms. Sometimes we would focus on specific issues such as salvation or obedience and other times we would just pray about whatever was on our hearts or minds. We tried to mention each child’s name each evening.”

This same group had an “end-of-the-year” cookout. It’s so wonderful to see all these families in one photo! We’re so grateful to the Lord for Paul and Mary Ann S from Harvest Bible Chapel, West Indy and their faithful leadership of this Entrusted with a Child’s Heart Couples’ Group!

2011 Entrusted Ministries Fundraising Event

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 15:00:00 GMT

On Thursday, October 20, Entrusted Ministries celebrated God’s continued faithfulness at their annual 2011 Entrusted Ministries Fundraising Event, hosted in the beautiful home of John and Julie Southard.

It was a wonderful opportunity to connect with each attendee and share our passion for equipping and strengthening families. We were all encouraged and challenged by the many amazing ways God is continuing to use the Entrusted with a Child’s Heart Biblical Parenting Study to bless couples and families through the body of Christ.

Bob and Linda Gunter of Moody Bible Church shared how they creatively launched the first Couples’ Large Group based on our Book Format on Wednesday nights, while their children attend AWANA.

Bob Gunter also interviewed one of the couples in this class, Arun and So-young Tikoo, who have five children. The Tikoo’s shared how much they appreciated the godly yet practical family life principles they have learned, such as God’s design for marriage and parenting and how to apply these concepts in the busyness of daily life with five active children.

Betsy spoke about “The State of the Family” and the challenges faced by each of us during this time of economic and spiritual uncertainty. She encouraged us to continue living out biblical convictions from His Word, as we defend the sanctity of life for both the unborn and unwanted.

Gina Cho, a (temporary) single-mom of six children, celebrated her 10-year anniversary of being a part of the Entrusted with a Child’s Heart Biblical Parenting Study, Mom's DVD format. She excitedly shared why she was taking the class (again) this year for her 6th time! Gina spoke from her heart as she thanked God for the tangible hope she continues to find through Betsy’s practical teaching and the encouragement of living in community with other women each week.

We are so grateful for many of you who have made a financial gift to Entrusted Ministries which allows us to continue serving even more couples and families desperately in need of His truth and hope. Please know your gift is very appreciated and fully tax-deductible.

We are excited to see what new opportunities the Lord has for us in the coming year; however, we know that we are so dependent on God’s grace through your continued prayers, encouragement and financial support. If you have been blessed by our ministry and want to stand with us in serving families, we ask you to consider supporting the Entrusted family!

Helping Children Develop a Devotional Lifestyle?

Fri, 21 Oct 2011 14:00:00 GMT

Dear Betsy:

At what age would you suggest children begin to read their Bible and have a devotional life?
Curious…

Dear Curious:

Obviously, the Bible is difficult for smaller children to read and understand. And since you want to develop a love the Lord and prayer as a natural part of their lives along with an ever deepening trust in God, you will not want to approach this important discipline as a mere “task” to be performed. However, the truth is that we do not become disciplined in anything without a considerable amount of effort, obedience and perseverance. I often told my kids, “Don’t look for the shortcut. It will not really get you where you want to be.”

All that being said, we gauge our teaching and training so that it is age-appropriate, engaging, and at the same time a bit challenging. If they grow up seeing Mom and Dad reading the Bible, praying and memorizing Scripture, it will not only seem like a regular part of life, but they will be intrigued by what Mom and Dad are doing and learning. So along with modeling a devotion to God, we share “teachable moments” with our children about how God is working in our lives (Deut 6:6-7). In this way, developing a “quiet time” or devotional life can start well before their ability to read the Bible.

In Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, we suggest a “Thinking Time” (in the chapter entitled, “Character Building”) for children who have outgrown naps. Occasionally they still may need a nap so this is a good “transitioner,” but even older children benefit from some “down time” to just be quiet, focus on the Lord, pray and think. For me, it was so helpful for my children to rest and have a half-hour alone sometime between arriving home from school and beginning dinner. (You can see that the timing is strategic to keep the house calm while prepping dinner.)

Also, be sure to be reading great Bible stories and devotional books to them. You may want to start a family devotional time or a bedtime story and chat time. Two books along these lines that I recommend are The Jesus Storybook Bible and Choosing God’s Way, but there are many wonderful choices. Scripture memory is also a great way for children to tuck away truth from the Scriptures, especially since they are such little sponges and so able to memorize! Entrusted offers a Scripture Memory CD featuring 23 verses set to song that will appeal to all ages.

Continue to help your children cultivate a devotional style as they grow. Around the age of twelve or so they will be ready to begin reading the Bible. Set realistic goals for how long (five to ten minutes) or how much (ten verses or one chapter). Have them journal what they are getting out of their reading. When our children reached thirty days in a row, they received a special Bible like Mom and Dad. Help them grow into this discipline. (For more on this see the chapter on “Growing Godly Disciplines” in Entrusted with a Child’s Heart).

For parents interested in reading through the Bible with their teens, I recommend reading through chronologically to give the best overview of the entire Bible. The parent and teen read on their own, then once a week discuss what the Lord is teaching them. You may even have them color-code or highlight themes in the Bible. For example, when reading Proverbs, have them highlight “wise choices” in one color and “foolish choices” in another. For the older child or teen, they may be challenged with learning the “Top Fifty” Scripture Memory verses found in the Appendix of Entrusted with a Child’s Heart Book Format.

We are currently piloting and developing a curriculum for developing a devotional lifestyle called, Get The Word Out. Nancy, from our office, is using this resource while reading through the Bible (using a two-year reading schedule) with her sixteen-year old. We hope to have this new curriculum complete and available next fall. In the mean time contact us if you would like a copy of the two-year chronological reading plan.

Blessings,

Lunch Box Love

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:00:00 GMT

Here is a great way to use up all those odd sizes of scrapbook paper you have left over from other projects. Not into scrapbooking? That's okay, you can also use wrapping paper or construction paper to wrap these special gifts. Then use various stamps or simply hand-write a message to glue on top before slipping it in their lunch boxes. These cute treats will get a smile on their face at lunch time!

Materials needed: Bite-sized candy bars, paper cut to fit the bar, tape and your creativity!