ERtards

Inconsiderate TARD

ERTard Team — Fri, 17 Aug 2018 04:48:09 +0000

When I was little(12 yo), I was in the ER after being sent from my pediatricians for an asthma attack that wasn’t responding to medication. As I’m in the room with serious SOB, there’s a woman with a ‘headache on the left side’ demanding treatment ahead of everyone else because she had a meeting to get to. I am so dizzy from lack of oxygen that I run out of the room (I noticed a restroom when we walked in) and throw up. I was immediately admitted and given oxygen after that. From my room I could hear her screaming about “That brat just pukes and she gets admitted when I’ve been here for twenty minutes?” and then she storms out. TARD.

Ajax on Pancakes

ERTard Team — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 06:23:54 +0000

Actual text from triage assessment: “Pt states she accidentally poured Ajax dish detergent on her pancakes instead of syrup. Pt states she rinsed her mouth out several times but still wants to be checked.”

What Happens When You Drink For 7 Days

ERTard Team — Thu, 19 Jul 2018 08:18:05 +0000

Plain…Whatever!

ERTard Team — Thu, 28 Jun 2018 02:58:25 +0000

Unable to Urinate? Here’s the Solution

ERTard Team — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 02:24:50 +0000

Male patient comes to the ER complaining that he hasn’t been able to make much urine. Patient also complains that he is having severe abdominal and pelvic pressure. Upon assessing the patient he looks to be very distended. The patient begins to tell a nurse and myself how it got so bad last night that he went to the garage and retrieved an extension cord. Not elaborating we asked what he did with that extension cord to which he replied… ” I took the wire out of the middle and pushed the cord up my penis to get something to come out.” In disbelief I asked did it work? He said nothing and just stared at me . Of course it didn’t work he wouldn’t be here if it did.

Still Naughty at Sixty

ERTard Team — Thu, 14 Jun 2018 02:25:45 +0000

I work at an Emergency Center, and we had a 60 year old woman come in with a cucumber stuck up her hooha.

A Doctorate in Massage Therapy

ERTard Team — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 01:03:47 +0000

25 y/o female arrives to ER c/o “deep cough.” She is about 5’3″ 110lbs. Pt corrects triage nurse by telling her, sharply, “NO, I have a DEEP THROMBOSIS.” Pt reassures triage nurse that she “knows what she’s talking about” because she has a doctorate… in massage therapy. Nurse informs patient that you cannot cough up an embolism.

You’re Lucky Enough to be Alive

ERTard Team — Thu, 31 May 2018 22:29:06 +0000

A 21 year old kid had just been brought in from a high speed drunk driving accident. Him and his buddies hadn’t been wearing seat belts and on impact my patient was ejected, flew 30 feet and landed on his left side. He had a couple broken bones, but his head was intact, he could walk and would only need to wear a brace and a cast for a couple months. His family comes in said they’d won 50 bucks in the lottery. To which he says, “Man, I never win anything. I’m so unlucky.”

.. I’m sorry.. What?

I Can’t Hold Pressure

ERTard Team — Thu, 24 May 2018 08:59:11 +0000

Ran a call on the truck not too long ago, 30 minutes to get to the call. Call was for “lacerations with profuse bleeding”. On scene, we find a woman who had been drinking, heavily, and was reaching for a clock that happened to be broken. She had cut her ring and pinky fingers on the broken clock, a lac that would need stitches later and she’s outside smoking with Fire on scene. FD had applied a “tourniquet” (roll gauze lightly wrapped) above the elbow. Best part, while en-route to the nearest facility, I hear her tell my partner in the back; “I’m glad I’ve got Medicaid. I can call Y’all for anything!” Also, my partner stopped the bleeding by telling the PT to hold the wounded hand above her head and hold pressure, PT responds with “I can’t hold pressure, I don’t have on gloves”

How About We Wash You with Soup?

ERTard Team — Thu, 17 May 2018 06:15:33 +0000

Nurse is cleaning a Hispanic woman after she gave birth. She is trying to explain in Spanish that she is going to wash her with soap and then dry her off, but she doesn’t know the word for soap, so she substitutes it with “sopa” which means soup in Spanish. So basically, “We are going to wash you with the soup.” Woman freaks out.