Readers, rather than letting FTVS do the talking, we will now do what Noam Chomsky should have done in 1971: we will shut the fuck up and let the Michel Foucault of electronic music say his piece.

Dearest Eezer, please share with us your most intoxicating and intoxicated story involving the sweet narcotics and the sweet babies.

Do the narcotics and the babies have to come together? When I’m on narcotics and don’t really like jelly babies or any other candies come to think of it. And now I’m trying to think of narcotics that are sweet. Hmmmmmm?

However, there’s a guy in the place with a bitter sweet face and he goes by the name of Ebeneezer Goode. You wouldn’t want him standing behind you in a sweaty dark room though.

Do you regularly consult the cabal of Lotharios on 4four for advice on a) how to sex up the finest women b) how to become a fortuitous disc jockey c) how to travel the world and get paid to make vaginas dance? FTVS has not learned this from 4four, but has learned that soggy crackers is a very popular game with the site’s regular users.

I do regularly consult those said Lotharios. It’s a bit like listening to your Mom or your wife though, you always do the opposite to what you’ve been told.

So, A) I think most of them are virgins, or just not that proud of their other halves so generally offer little in the way of any decent advice on the fairer sex. B) There are actually a few fortuitous DJs that frequent 4four, but it’s mostly full of keyboard warriors who have never munched carpet or have anchovy on their pizzas, which clearly renders any advice completely irrelevant. C) See answer B.

I’ve also heard that Soggy Crackers is popular game in the cyber world of Lotharioland, they definitely don’t play crispy biscuits and their eye sights are going awry …. Bless!

FTVS is aware that you began observing the housing market at just the time the housing market crashed. Which economist most informs your purchasing decisions? Are you a genius entrepreneur and is the Fed consulting you?

It was actually a year after the market crashed we began observing, when the market hit it’s low, don’t you just love synchronicity? The £ had momentarily jumped back up to $1.64 from $1.45 when I transferred funds across and now it’s plummeted back to $1.45, all the luck of the Devil of course. It’s the wife that informs me of my purchasing decisions (well her purchasing decisions actually) and bloody fine decisions they are too as she does indeed wear the trousers in our house (which is great as I get to wear the skirt). Yes I’m a genius, yes I’m an entrepreneur but never in the same sentence and yes I think I’m Billy Big Balls (or was that Charlie Cohones)? Do you know who I think I am? And yes I have the Fed as my personal consultants. I can get them to consult for you for way less than half price, maybe even for free, but you have to do them, well, special favors.

Tell us about your relationship with our dear friend Francis “Big Frankie” Harris. Has he told you about the whale cock? FTVS fears his production output has decreased because he now spends too much time reading our website. This is completely understandable.

You gotta love “Big Frankie”. He’s probably my best pal in the whole wide world. Verga (spanish for Whale Cock) is one (1) of my favorite words. A famous philosopher once wrote “Esta la Verga Güey”. In fact I like Vergota even more as it’s simply that much greater. Also, I think Big Franks production output has increased hasn’t it, obviously inspired by the wisdom of that fortunate yet violently loose woman … the slut!

Tell us about Los Angeles. Is it treating you as it should? Are you still seeking to become an actor? Have you had any success? FTVS is making a movie about FTVS, titled “The Greatest Generation”. Come sit on the casting couch but don’t forget your mouth guard.

I love my new home city, it’s so laid back (well laid) and everyone is so friendly (when verga munching which I’m told is a delicacy). It looks like I may have nailed a Superfreq residency in Hollywood which will be an after hours, as well as our monthly Tuesday, Super Disco Freq at Short Stop in Echo Park, will know in the next few days about the after hours so keep your fingers crossed for me.

Yes, I’m still seeking to become an actor although settling in to Los Angeles is my first priority. The only success I’ve had has been getting cast in a very cool UK movie, great supporting role too so I’m stoked about that, again more info when it’s actually happening as in the movie industry, it may simply not happen any time soon, but now the summers coming I’ll be spending more weekends in L.A (if we confirm the after hours) meaning more time in L.A in general, so it’s now time to start networking now that I’ve found my feet a little in town.

The FTVS movie, I’d love to come sit on your casting couch but the mouth guard won’t be at all necessary and I give great auditions! More tea vicar?

[ download | iTunes | subscribe ]

Tracklisting:

1. Dexter Wansal – Life on Mars – Philadelphia International Records
2. Canson – Sued – City Fox Ltd
3. Deniz Kurtel – Yeah (Jamie Jones Shower Curtain remix)- Crosstownrebels records.
4. Andomat3000 – Beatroot – Highrade Records
5. Pawel – Dawn – Dial Records
6. Room 10 – Los Gritos – Metroline Ltd
7. Semtek – Bells – Don’t Be Afraid Records
8. Pantha Du Prince – Stick to my side (efdemin version) – Rough Trade Records
9. DJ Jus-Ed v DJ QU – All across the floor – UQ Records
10. Moody Man – Freaky MF – KDJ records
11. Raza – After Death – Coloured
12. Read Truth – Evidence – RWL records
13. Liz Torres – I can’t get enough – State Street Records
14. Audion – Push – Spectral Sound Records
15. Alex O Smith – Kosmos 1402 – Omars Detroit
16. Divine – Native love – O Records
17. Cerone – Supernature – Malligator Records

At last we present you with the second installment of our countably infinite series of Essensual Mixes. This sequelized and heavily sexualized edition features the heir to Horkheimer, Max Cooper. The connection between Mr. Cooper and Fortuna is strong, if not obvious, like Michael Jackson and Macualay Culkin in the tub perhaps.

No one since the great Iannis Xenakis and the uber-sexual Deniz Kurtel has demonstrated the neuronal ingenuity necessary to span the basis of musical theology in such a linear and erogenous fashion. Recent Traum releases such as the Harmonish Serie, Stochastic Serie, and Chaotish Serie were purely deflowering if not entirely academic — in the sense that a professor has sex with his undergraduate students.

As this concoction evidences, Max is also a capable jockey of the disc; but enough of us, let Dr. Cooper himself do the descriptive:

This is a sonic representation of midgets on wheels suffering the obtrusive consequences of Goliath on heat, a coming together which can only occur with a careful oiling of musical progression. The lewd intrusion takes the audience and participants to unseen nooks and crannies of musical anatomy, as genres are split and sealed in a manner that breaks any idealistic laws of how a mix should be done.

[ download | iTunes | subscribe ]

Tracklisting:

1. Max Richter – Horizon Variations (FatCat)
2. Noisa – Machine Gun – Amon Tobin Remix (Vision)
3. Jay Shepheard – Add Arp (Retrofit)
4. Slam – Azure – Radioslave Remix (Soma) – Max Cooper Edit
5. Hot Chip – I Feel Better – Max Cooper Remix (TBC)
6. Butch – Reshef – Gow Remix (Trapez Ltd)
7. Max Cooper – Chaotisch Serie – Reset Robot Remix (Traum)
8. Mijail & Victor Vera – Jungler – Loko Remix (Darkside Digital) – Max Cooper Edit
9. Barem – Heyday – Ronan Portela Remix (Foundsound Records)
10. Fabian Schumann & Black Vel – Rafael (Mangue)
11. Dyno – Risvegli – Max Cooper Remix (Hell Yeah)
12. Andre Kraml – Safari – James Holden Remix (Crosstown Rebels)
13. Olivier Giacomotto – Gone Hunting (Definitive) – Max Cooper Edit
14. Max Cooper – Ediolic Spectra (TBC)
15. Stephan Bodzin – Vendetta (Herzblut)
16. Max Cooper – Chaotisch Serie (Traum)
17. King Roc – The Beginning (Process)

Readers, we present to you the culmination of it all: the FTVS Essensual Mix. It is hot like gay porn, but with more phallus and even more vagina.

An iteratively monthly podcast event, the FTVS Essensual Mix is curated to expose Fortuna’s effete sensuality and easy virtue. It is an effort to spread her lips and dive in, penetrating at once her mighty mind and sordid snatch.

The selection process is discerning and only moderately racist, based entirely on the artists’ ability to inspire strong erections among our editorial board. FTVS encourages one hundred (100) percent musical freedom, experimentation, a daily selenium supplement, and of course, lots of spit.

It was only natural, like a teenage hermaphrodite, to pop the FTVS Essensual Mix cherry with Droog. This Los Angelean triumvirate has been instrumental in educating the Southern Californian masses in musical theology, by launching the Culprit label a year ago, and of course instigating the Culprit sessions atop the Standard Hotel Downtown L.A.

Let us leave it to the artists themselves to describe their concocted orgy of breasted grooves and fellated snares. As phrased by Sirs Andrei, Brett and Justin (in alphabetical but also preferential order):

Upon a well lubricated commencement of our RebelRave inspired musings this Saturday past, we have birthed (those mix-rearing hips came in handy) a set filled to the brim with sensual and amorous innuendos and bravado. When you listen, think of our potent seed.

[ download | iTunes | subscribe ]

Tracklisting:

1. P. Toile – One (Tanner Ross & Sergio Santos’ remix) [Kina Music]
2. Geddes & Mick Newman – Lost Souls [Tsuba]
3. Glimpse – If I Was Your Girl (Beats Mix) [Crosstown Rebels]
4. 20:20 Soundsystem – Broken (Uner & Coyu remix] [20:20 Vision]
5. Geddes & Mick Newman – Solaris (Anonym remix) [Tsuba]
6. Joss Moog – Fat Mama [Minority Music]
7. Veitengruber – Make You Crazy [Hohenregler]
8. DJ W!ild – Goiabada [Love Letters From Oslo]
9. The Drug Punks – Drug (Erick Morillo Dub) [Sondos]
10. AKA JK – SOTWTGYO (Runaway Remix) [Throne of Blood]
11. John Johr – Baby [Left’d]
12. MANIK – Shaolin [Culprit]
13. Lee Foss – Solo [Culprit]
14. Kenneth James Gibson feat. Kelly Johnston – Something in The Way (Ryan Crosson’s Dub Trip remix) [Culprit]