Ethnic Avenue - The Street That Crosses All the Others

Why Asians Excel at Pen Spinning

Ethnic Will — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:57:59 +0000

If you’ve spent any amount of time in a classroom with young Asian people, you’re familiar with their penchant for spinning pens (interchangeably known as “pen flipping” or “pen twirling”). And, sooner or later, you’ve wondered what gives. So, why do they love it so much and why are they so good at it? Even though other races engage in the practice, nobody comes close to matching Asian dedication and skill.

LA Mayor: Some Black People Are Better Than Others

Ethnic Will — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:10:38 +0000

Even if I don’t always approve, I generally understand the things Los Angeles Mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa does. This time around, it’s neither. This fool is trippin’. In a recent statement, he’s excoriated some teachers at a South Los Angeles elementary school for encouraging some of their students to celebrate O.J. Simpson, Dennis Rodman, and RuPaul at a Black History Month event.

Obama Keeps His Pimp Hand Strong

Ethnic Will — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:44:38 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, Ethnic Avenue reported on the sudden unshriveling of Obama’s kick-assery, after an extended, disappointing slumber. Since it was only a single week of ballsy, it was unclear at the time whether the whole thing was just a fluke, or the beginning of something big. Well, the answer to that question has arrived in the form of a major oh-snap moment against his soundly defeated adversary, Old-Man McCain. In fact, Obama came down so swiftly and coldly, that I actually felt kind of bad for the old bastard—despite his infinite dickiness and stupidity.

News Flash: Europeans Actually Like Shit from IKEA

Ethnic Will — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 10:17:14 +0000

I’m always amused when someone is shocked or outraged by people just doing the things they’re predisposed to doing. Look, don’t get passive-aggressively mad at the intimidating black people sitting in front of you for talking through the whole movie. You should know better. Besides, if you’d actually stop and listen to them, you’d realize their commentary is enhancing whatever sorry movie you’re watching anyway. A lot of us are convinced that we pick and choose everything we do. When, in reality, we can’t help but do some shit. Bring a White girl to a really good concert and try to get her to not “woo” and you’ll see what I mean.

Profile: The Straight-Up White Girl

Ethnic Will — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 03:17:58 +0000

The source of the overwhelming majority of stereotypes about White girls at-large, the Straight-Up White Girl is probably the most abundant variety of White girl around. Because their fashion and language can vary by region and conditions, they’re often misclassified into one of the group’s subsidiary, niche members: the “Valley girl,” sorority chicks, mall girls, girl-sport athletes (e.g., volleyball), cheerleaders, and others, who all constitute the species.

Jesus Condescendingly Rolled His Eyes and Sighed at People

Ethnic Will — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 09:07:05 +0000

If you haven’t already heard, Theology expert and ancient historian, Elton John, has declared that Jesus was, in fact, a gay man. Now, it’s not a new thing to try to claim Jesus as a member of your own group. Over the years, Jesus has been a black dude, a European with a blond beard, and even a right-wing Laissez-Faire capitalist. But of all of things that Jesus has been turned into, this is probably the most likely.

Don Felix’s Corner: Catcalling with Class

Ethnic Will — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 09:47:39 +0000

One of the problems with these kids nowadays is that they don't know how to treat a lady like I was taught to treat a lady—the correct way. When it comes to letting a woman know they appreciate how she's carrying herself that day, or acknowledge that she succeeded in getting their attention with her outfit, they start in with the pussy this or culo that. That demeans everyone. And it's disgusting. I'm going to tell you all what my father told me, and what I tell my seven sons and eleven daughters: a lady appreciates a quality catcall. It makes her day. Don’t embarrass yourself, or the recipient, by doing it the wrong way. You only get one chance.

Why Asians Are Dominating Olympic Speed Skating

Ethnic Will — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:42:21 +0000

If you’re like me, you’ve tuned into the Winter Olympics to watch sports you wouldn’t otherwise know existed and only think about every four years, when they’re suddenly all over your beautiful hi-def TV. “Curling” and “Skeleton” mean entirely different things in Los Angeles. One such sport for me is Speed Skating. I never watch it, but when it’s on, I’m totally glued to it. And, all of a sudden—if you’re lucky enough to be watching it with me--I’m an “expert” that’s been “following it for years.”

Wisdom from My Asshole Republican Former-Boss

Ethnic Will — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:21:47 +0000

A few years ago, I had this millionaire, born-again Christian, asshole boss that was so consistently racist (like actually so), that he distorted my uncanny ability to detect racism for several years after. He looked like a torn-up version of Lou Dobbs—if you can believe that.

TV Shows about Poor People

Ethnic Will — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 22:00:55 +0000

The other day I was stimulating the economy (watching television), when I realized that I haven’t seen a (new) show about broke-ass people in a long time. If you study any of the retro cable stations, you’ll notice that there was a period of time (roughly corresponding to the mid-to-late 70s and very early 80s) where nearly every show was about poor people, or poor people that—through a stroke of implausibly good luck were suddenly not poor anymore.