et puis?

off day day off

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 01:18:00 +0000

Dear Norman,
hahaaaaaaaha well, I for sure, certainly succeeded in completely wasting this day. It's really not that bad, I kind of earned it. My days off are rare lately. I'm not working a bad amount of hours but I do usually work at least one job/day.

I'm having baileys and coffee and I'm going to go to Nic show's at the Rivoli in a bit here and get my energies up somehow. Comeonnnn coffeee.
oh shit, I just found some baileys chocolates as well....

(at Mrs. and Arrow's Christmas party)

Went to Hoops last night with Carla Ghee and some of our other pals and I was sitting in the basically empty pub in a row at the bar with two dudes who hadn't joined there before and they were like "this is like a living room. only the best living room ever with a very attentive mom"
basically.
The two bartenders I've had so far are sooo nice. One is from last year but one is new. They are the sweetest and like my jokes.
Also Carla Ghee and I were super happy to have a completely brandnew audience of pals last night for our hockey jokes. We've been killing it lately with the jokes but it's okay we'll tell you all of them when you're back and it'll be like it's fresh all over again for you.

Norman, I had a weird thought the other day. Why (IN THE HELL) do I get involved with/stay involved with people I don't genuinely like as much as I like my best friends? Have we talked about this before? Maybe.
I've been thinking about it now that I'm home with Cpt. Heh more often and I love him sooo much and am happy to see him and think he's funny and excellent. I would never worry about bringing him out with buds or worry he wasn't handsome enough/funny enough. I'm proud to be seen with him.
Quick clarification: I am not in love with Cpt. and neither is he with me. I'm using him as an example because I feel like men are different than women and here is a man who is one of my favourite people.
Why do I consider making romantic interests a priority who aren't as good as my best friends?

A shit thing about involvements is that they pretty much take over in terms of importance and time and obligation. And we give our time and energy to these people who frequently end up being not worth it. Whywhywhyyyy

Okay, I'm in a nasty bit of mood. Not about any of that. Just in general! A general nasty little mood!

(adventure cat adventure cat!)

(little cousin so so cute) (also the funniest and sweetest. along with her beautiful siblings, of course.)

It's so rainy out and what kind of jacket am I supposed to wear? it's so cold.
When I was younger in Saskatoon in the summertime I'd borrow my mum's giant yellow rain cape and sit in the yard for what seemed like hours (but was probably only 15 minutes) watching the rain and pretending to be jane goodall.
hahaaa I don't remember why I thought I was like Jane Goodall considering there were 100% no chimps or apes in my backyard whatsoever. Something to do with that documentary my mum and I had watched at one point, I guess.

(Christmas eve birthday outfit featuring double-tights. it was soo so cold this Christmas in Saskatoon. Also, that's my current favourite outfit. no contest.)

Also when I was younger I for sure thought I would stand still long enough with birdseed on my hands for long enough to have the sparrows and chickadees come rest on my fingertips but I have no patience for anything I'm not immediately good at (explains my success in life) and so that, also, was short-lived.

(Christmas morning face.)

Does anyone have any friends I can stay with in Paris or in a seaside english town?
No?
Hmmm. I have decisions to make and imagine if I just had money? Then everything would be simple and life would be perfect.
I don't like to admit to being worried about money which is hilarious because I really should be!

I hope I am never too proud to wear depends.

OKAY BYEEEE NOW BYE BYE BYE

hoops and jokes

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 07:03:00 +0000

Dear Norman,
sometimes when I growl low and in my throat to myself late at night (it happens semi-frequently) and I'm drunk (also frequently) I feel a bit nervous. Ha! I'm bad at knowing where the beasts are.
hopefully.

We won tonight! I know you were at a sports bar on the prairies but I was at our beloved, most loved, top loved, Hoops. And I honestly feel a bit bad for how much I love Hoops considering how for pretty much 26 years of my life I DID NOT like sports and had NO INTEREST in sports and now I just feel most at home perched up on my high stool at the marble bar of Hoops. The glow of the big screen is tender and the bartenders like my jokes and I feel... safe. I feel warm and comforted. It's so ridiculous.
And also, I love our hockey team. I just think they're so nice. I don't like when they make smug faces or act like little bruisers because it hurts my feelings. Like, "I have your back, so you be nice"
I feel like with my public support and my trying to be a good person they owe me to try to be nice guys.
HAHAAHAHAHHAAHAAAAA hahahah professional athletes are the worst.

I was supposed to go a couple of different places tonight but I didn't want to. I just wanted to smile and sigh in a bar made of TVs. It was nice being on my own. I really watched the game and looked at the internet a bit and ate fries. Dream life. I did not feel the slightest bit weird being there on my own. Probably how you've felt in the past..?

Nic recommended I read Just Kids by Patti Smith and so that's taking up another bit of my focus.
I love personal stories. I think I actually only like things that are at least a little based on real life.

It looks like my friend from Saskatoon, who I'm sure I've nicknamed here but I can't remember now, is going to come to Paris with me for a minute or two. And we're going to go see Louis CK in London, I think! She's at Oxford right now and it'll be her break when I go there so I'm excited to see her and maybe visit her school!
I need to remember that I really want to go see local comedy in London.
I want to see comedy all the time.
I'm in love with how fucking funny the world is, and how funny everyone I know is. And I'm excited to keep learning about humour and comedy and how it all plays out.
I used to be worried that if I were to be a comedian I'd have to be so busy keeping track of all the funny bits and all the jokes and I'd never have time to enjoy them. I've also worried that if someone (especially a woman, for whatever various reasons) is a comedian they'll never be allowed to do serious dramatic work.
I now think that's a bullshit worry. LET'S ALL JUST TELL OUR STORIES. Let's tell our stories in the most honest ways possible with different slants or pointing out different things and it's just the details or reactions or situations that decide if it's drama or humour.
I love living.
I hope I get to be alive forever and ever. I hope I always appreciate this life.

miss you!!!

dearest, dearest,

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 05:46:00 +0000

One of my BFFs, Norman, is away for a few months doing a play in Calgary and Edmonton (if you're there go! It's The Kite Runner. Report back.) but I know that he usually reads my blog.
And I've been having a hard time getting around to writing in here. So maybe if I make it letters to Norman these days it'll give it clearer structure or something?
We'll see.

Dear Norman,

I can't believe we've been apart more than a month already. This seems unreasonable. I'm not really interested in continuing our separation.

I guess the only upside is that this month has passed quickly and maybe that means that the next two months (and a bit) will go quickly.

Things are excellent around here.

Hockey is finally back (as you well know!) and Carla Ghee and I went to Hoops on Sunday to watch our sweet little darling babies. I had almost forgotten just how funny Carla Ghee and I are while watching hockey. It's like hockey is built for us to make jokes about/during/because of. I don't know what it is but I liiiike it. We were joined by her main man a little later on and DON'T WORRY, he's still a handsome fuck. And Carla Ghee is just as beautiful as they day I first laid eyes on her.

I'm working so, so, so much. No, that's not as true as it was before Christmas, but I'm busy. Very busy.

I'm doing the second level of the longform improv program at the Second City training centre and I'm loving it very much. Well, some weeks. Some weeks it's very hard. But the hard parts usually end in me being eeeeven better.

I'm at a place with my improv right now where I think I could be genuinely excellent at it if I had the time and money to devote myself to it full-time. I mean, if I didn't work evenings and instead took a couple of classes a week, saw shows allll the time, and did at least one show, maybe more (yes, this is how improvisers live. all improv all the time.) then I think I'd be great. I don't have that luxury right now, unfortunately.

I'm still good, though. Better than ever, really. With minor ups and downs.

London and Paris so, so soon! I'll be back from there when you're back. It'll be over so quickly.

I've started slightly panicking about how it'll be the best thing in my life and how then I'll want to devote myself to travel and I'll want to never come home. I hope I don't get overwhelmed by melancholy while I'm there, just thinking about how many I'll never be able to go back.

Of course I'll go back. I might as well travel the world!

I'm just on the cusp of getting to be excellent at so many things, I'm not worried, really.

I've also been working quite hard lately (and in the last couple of years) to not be someone who wallows in sadness or stays down for longer than necessary. I love being sad, don't get me wrong, but there's no point to it so much of the time!

I was thinking about traveling a bit around Europe, not just seeing London and Paris but now I'm leaning towards spending most of my time in just those two. I'd like to have a chance to really wander around a see a bit of it. I don't want to have to rush about. I won't, in fact! I won't rush about. I've been spending lots of time looking at possible hostels and air b'n'bs. I think I'll end up getting an air b'n'b in Paris. I like the idea of staying in an apartment, and every hostel I looked at had at least one really neg review. I'm not uptight by any means, and I'm probably the least germophobic person I know, but I will want some time alone and a door to close, I bet.

I love being by myself.

I've been weeping over my excitement. Which is good. Anticipation is 9/10s of enjoyment. Something like that!

This is the air b'n'b I'm leaning towards: https://www.airbnb.ca/rooms/566341, it's up 7 flights of stairs and has only a squat toilet in the upstairs hallway! hahaaahaaa amazing?!

Hmmmm. I've got to get started planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower for my best friend, Violet. She's getting married in May and that's also so soon and I really want her to have the most excellent time but also she has no interest in planning this sort of thing plus she's a busy lawwwwyyyyer so she doesn't have all day.

It's pleasing because having all this to plan and the wedding coming up and everything is making sure we talk to each other and hang out sometimes, which it seems we never get to do enough.

I love her and she's going to be such a pretty little bride, I'll probably just try to marry her myself.

Just kidding?

I watched two romantic comedies tonight and my roommate, Cpt. Heh, made me dinner. Then my other roommate, Turkey Bird, came home with TWO gluten-free treats she shared with me. Above waffles are from Cpt. Heh a few days ago. My roommates have been bringing me so many treats it's like having several boyfriends who are excellent because they mostly leave me to my own devices and don't mind if I text babes all day.

Why is my life so excellent?

Dunno, man.

Also, Cpt. Heh told me that he likes my current hairs better than any of these wigs that I spent too much time trying on at work. Awwww. If this were a romantic comedy Cpt. Heh and I would fall in love. I think it's a bit because you're away, Norman, that I've been extra into hanging out with Cpt. Heh. I need more boy-time!! Also I love Cpt. Heh so, so much. I always forget how funny he is. Really a riot.

I probably have, like, a billion things to tell you but I'm running out of time but I do like this format for right now, so maybe I'll be inspired to blog more! (probably not)

Anyway, I miss you Norman (and everyone else who is reading this) and I hope you are well (same to you, other readers).

Oh yeah, also, this is a dog I met and she belongs to our friends who I forget what they are nicknamed on here but they are handsome boys who date each other and kind of look alike. She's soooooo cute like a muppet and her name is Patsy.

I'm really into dogs lately. Don't let me forget to walk Kaya tomorrow!

Byeeeeee

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Fri, 28 Dec 2012 22:45:00 +0000

hi hi hi
I only have a few moments until my mother's computer decides to shut itself off. So maybe this will never be posted. I am doing laundry. Free laundry. Many perks to Saskatoon, apparently!

I'm drinking a beer. Do I need this beer? No! Am I on holidays? Yes!

This is maybe the first time I feel like I've really earned a holiday in quite, quite awhile. I love sleeping and lying around reading, that's for sure!

Saskatoon is so ridiculously beautiful this year that it seems almost fake or made up. The hoar frost, man.
It's nice being back and seeing everyone, but I'm homesick for Toronto as well. I'm here for the right amount of time. Maybe a couple days longer would be okay, but I am looking forward to being back where I can walk everywhere, back where I know everyone, back in my bed, back hanging out with my buds.

We had a lovely Christmas, though. Very successful with many beautiful gifts and too much to pack into my suitcase, as per usual. I've been balancing out my laziness with lunches and dinners with old friends and trying not to get overwhelmed by family.
Old friends really know you, which is a treat. Hahaa, if they're good friends, I mean.

So, it's official. I'm going to England/Paris in March. I cannot afford this in any capacity!!! It is a terrible idea! Why did it happen? Well, I talked about it too much and I'm done with being one of those people who is always talking about things and never doing them. and then I found a roundtrip flight to London that was something like $830 all in and then, whoops, I booked it!
AAAADDDDVVVEEEENNNTTTTUUUURRRREEEE

Airbnb better come through for me. I'm going mostly on my own, though one of my favourite friends has a place in London he has kindly offered me a bed for some nights! Oh how lucky of a little lady, I am!
I'm kind of shook with excitement about how fun going to Paris on my own will be. At first I was upset to not have a travel-mate, but now I feel pleased that I'll be rascal-ing around Paris on my own like a little imp in peace!

Okay, the computer ran out of patience for me so I'm finishing this up on my phone. Too much effort!
Let's talk again soon, BYEEE.

it's just always playing catch-up around here

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 21:11:00 +0000

(this is maybe my favourite picture I've taken recently)

I didn't have internet for a few days there!! it was the worst! I hated it so much and now I'm so behind on all my stories but maybe I'll quit watching my stories until after Christmas because I have SO MUCH to do and so many work shifts and SO many crafts to make and we have netflix on our TV now and there must be some Christmas movies on there? Right? Which ones? Any?

Look, Prune and I accidentally dressed like twins! we hadn't seen each other in a couple of months, even. And that's what happens. Classic.
We went to see Metric the other night at the ACC. I never get to go there as a guest so it was a pretty big treat. We also got to drink after the show with everyone in the upstairs club on account of I kind of know a couple of the dudes from that band from when we went to the cottage years and years ago and I ran into them last week and got pulled into partying forever with them:

I got carried around for awhile, I think? I also had the worst hangover of this year the whole next day and I'm pretty sure I announced to them that it was okay to party forever but I'd just QUIT MY JOB THE NEXT DAY DON'T WORRY LET'S GO TO AN AFTERPARTY.
Luckily I did not after party. Luckily. And I went to work, like a semi-responsible adult.

Also my outfit was beyond dumb (those earrings with that sweatshirt!), so big congrats to them for still being nice to me!

I love Cpt. Heh so, so much still. Which is good. Yesterday I made him go to the Christmas tree lot with me and carry home a tree!
(actually it was his idea, more. Which is great!)

I was very, very pleased. I've never had a tree this early, actually this is my VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS TREE, really! We decorated last year but we didn't have an actual tree, but this year Turkey Bird and I are both so into Christmas it would be dumb not to have one!
I was very handy last night and widened the cheap new tree-stand's holes with a drill all by myself and also sawed off the bottom branches of the tree with a bread knife! I wanted it to be all nice when Turkey Bird came home!
I forgot she was getting in late and I got a text in the middle of the night that said:
"OMG that tree is amazing"
and then:
"Our tree. <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">hahaahaahahaaaa awww so beautiful I could weep.

I don't know when we're going to decorate it but we're going to do lots of craft ornaments like strung popcorn and cranberries which my mother NEVER lets me put on her tree. And orange slices and hopefully salt dough and gingerbread ornaments as well. I'm very, very interested in that!

Liiiike, maybe I lay under the tree for a bit last night.

my roommate, Turkey Bird, on her birthday wearing a party hat that Cheespie knitted for her! So cute!

Love a good Dirty Thirty!

this is what I look like most days at my office job when I'm sitting at my desk.

I got new glasses. They're alright but now that I'm devoted full-time to being good-looking (hahaaaaa) I hate hate wearing glasses. None of them are my favourite. I feel like a frump no matter what.

Look at this face I hang out with lots.

A big, big problem I'm having these days is that now when I don't feel like wearing make-up or doing my hair or putting on nice clothes I feel waaay worse than I ever did before.
Oh god, life is tough, I know.
Does that medium make sense, though?

This hat has changed my life. I think my life will become divided into two parts: Before Hat and After Hat.
Just kidding?
But it is a strange hat that has powers maybe, but I'm not sure how good those powers are?
I actually have way more to say about this but not right this minute because I don't have the time.

Wow, okay, good. You're updated a little bit then. I wear heels now sometimes. That's also a thing. A weird thing.
I like it for now.

cold and cuddle season

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 00:21:00 +0000

I've been fighting a cold for about a week but for some reason last night/today it decided to get all up my business.

okay I'll post some pictures of myself on the internet.

I was in a cab the other night with a date and the date had a fierce beard and the long hairs and the cab driver was actually super concerned that this old man was kidnapping him. Even after I explained that the date was 9 months younger than me the cab driver kept insisting "look how old you are, look how young she is!" trying to show us in the rear view mirror to prove his point.

A crush of mine asked me a few weeks ago (a question he got from an online dating site), "what makes for a better relationship, dedication or passion?"
On account of I knew him and what he'd say and what he'd want to hear, I said, "well, only assholes would answer "passion" since passion fades and it's dedication that makes things work"
Of course of course of course of course.
Except if there was never any passion, then... there's no point to the dedication. It kills me when people try to commit to things and fully invest in places where there's no BIG NEWS (at least in the beginning).

There are two lines from Bright Eyes songs that get continually stuck in my head and this is one:
This weather has me wanting love more tangible

It's cold out and it gets dark so early, and it's hard not to want to bed-in and cuddle-down and find someone to hold on to.

I'm not sure of what kind of dedicated love I'd be, but I assume I'd be good at it, if there were enough passion to start out with. I base my guess on how I care for my friends, how much I want to do anything for them and just know them forever. I base my guess on how I'd like to be a great love some day.

These days, though, my main talent is dedicating myself only to situations that aren't worth it or (especially) to people who aren't quite available.

I just took some nighttime cold medicine and just noticed I spent five minutes smoothing my hair over my face and eyes. So... that's good.
I apologize if none of this makes sense.

I think part of why interacting with people all the time tires me out so much is that I get distracted by how much good we all mean but there are so many ways it goes bad.
I'm constantly dissecting conflicts and interactions and choosing sides and changing my mind and running over what I would do or what they should do or how to go about life.
I'd like a minute for my brain to quiet itself.
I'd like to be the kind of person who doesn't care about relationships between humans, or arts, or creativity, or what things mean...

Let's all just lie around and listen to Joanna Newsom until we fall asleep, yes?

bits and vids

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 00:30:00 +0000

too many things to count on all my hands, I'll tell you that for free.
so many things going on.

whenever I sit down to write a blog it's forsure because I'm trying to avoid working on a bigger project. So, in a way blog updates are bad news. But I do apologize because I miss having a regular blog and keeping updated.

I'm always late posting pictures. But Dollface's family Thanksgiving this year was really excellent. I feel lucky that her family still lets me come! Her grandmother is my role-model, she buys giant easy-grip bottles of rye. Is that reason enough? Probably!

pants-free Thanksgiving. Super, super cute.
As much as I want a baby less than I have since being maybe 17, I am still super affected by little guys sometimes. Especially working the kids' shows at the theatre. The extreme amounts of cute are almost hard to take. I feel stressed out by kids' vulnerability.

Here's the tattoo that Dollface's bro drew for me to get. Perfection.

I think these are from the same weekend? Maybe. Got free tickets to a basketball game that I didn't have to work. Nice to be the one drinking the Smirnoff Ice instead of serving it foreverandever!

I fucking miss hockey. Don't get me started.

I'm still pretty much a relationship expert.

BYEEEEEEEE NOW.

(p.s. less than 2 months til christmas if you want to know what to get me, look here: pinterest.com/ohmistletoe/things-to-buy-for-me-as-gifts/ !!!!!)

he holds the golden books makes the rules

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 06:24:00 +0000

eeeeevery time I think I'm about to be less busy, then WHOOPS, no I'm not.
Not in a bad way, no siree.

(Here I am tearing up at Mrs. and Arrow's wedding. what a lovely day. So fleeting, this life.
It's really unreal how quickly it all slips by.)

I have been feeling less fantastic than what's become usual.
In fact, the other night I watched Downton Abbey and cried hard for half an hour, then set myself on fire.
Haaa, well, I mean, Cpt. Heh was making pasta (with butter-cheese sauce inspired by Honey Boo Boo's family recipe for "Sketti" [sauce=butter and ketchup] which was a massive failure because all the cheese just went a ball. a ball swimming in butter. ahahahaaaa so gross/good?) and I leaned across the stove to get some vitamin b (still up in that for sure) and set my scarf on fire and didn't notice for a moment or two until it had time to get a pretty big flame going.
Guess the property manager should fix the heat so I don't have to wear pashminas all day all night forever.

My other roommate, Slippers, told me that he thought I was a naturally busy person, but NO, GUYS. I'm the kind of person who used to need so much time alone, I used to not leave the house for days at a time. Now it's not at all unusual to be out of the house for 12 hours a day for a few days in a row.
Having fun. Too much fun to resist.

(looooooove this!) (good showcase of my hairdo I did it myself and I was pretty okay with it)

Today I did one very, very fun improv workshop and then I did a set as a part of Big City Improv Fest at the last minute, which was very, very fun.
I start a long-form improv class in a couple of weeks and have another workshop this weekend. Aaaand I have a couple of new teams/projects in the works. Pleased!

I had a bit of a reaction against improv (and maybe especially the whole community/who I felt like I was there/the extremity of it all) after finishing up the conservatory at Second City. It's weird to be so fully immersed in that world. I had to remember that I like other things. So many other things, I like!
But now, after this respite, I'm so wonderfully excited for improv again. I've heard from many other improvisers that they've also gone through times of removing themselves from it for a bit. It's necessary sometimes.

(This one just kills me, I love these two a ridiculous amount. And Mrs's dad is so cute here! He's a preist!)

(I was in charge of holding the golden book! Which it didn't occur to me that it was a bible until way later. Classic.)

okay okay okay okay now:
sleep
theatre office
dog walk
skydome
comedy bar
(brief snooze)
theatre office
comedy bar
theatre
assumably comedy bar
SLEEP
good. good good goooood gooood gooood.

office lady

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Sun, 07 Oct 2012 01:46:00 +0000

I guess now I am not the kind of person who needs alone time. That, of course, is not totally true. I am spending way less time alone these days, though. Way less. I'm working so much and have so many friendships to tend to and babes to look at with my hands.

I'm working at the theatre a lot. I work in the office sometimes during the day and in the evenings I work front of house. It is different than working at the stadiums. What a treat to be able to wear ones' own clothing! I'm not kidding around at all.
I like the desk I sit at because it's in the middle of all the action and everyone socializes with me and everyone gets entertained by me and I give opinions on things no one even asked me about! So far no one seems to mind. My boss introduces me to everyone as a comedian and is constantly urging me to say funny things. Today he was very impressed with my outfit, thought it was just hysterical. "the hair!", he said. We discussed whether or not I looked like Jo Anne Worley.

(basically twins)

He came back at one point and I had removed the glasses and he was pretty incensed and demanded a reason. "I was interacting with patrons" I said and he said, "No leave them on, that's how they'll know we make art here."
So amazing.

I have a pretty good hangover going on today which I attempted to cure with lattes and mushroom poutine.

I borrowed that bracelet from my mother and I'm wearing it all the time lately. It's just so nice. I care about fashion now, guy. (not really only kind of.) I feel like clothes are a treat and picking clothes is a treat and I like putting different kinds of things on my body!!!!
Yes, I did take these photos at work, which is bad. Buuuut I did stay way late today dealing with a customer problem, soooo....

We had our first house party as this incarnation of roommates.
Apparently Turkey Bird wandered around telling everyone how much she likes living here. Awww aww aww. It's a nice set up now, I'll tell you that for zero cost.

I cleaned my room up real good and everyone was shocked. I got rid of 3 giant garbage bags of shit recently so it was a bit easier. My room is so beautiful and romantic and I'll keep having parties if only to show it off.
I have three dressers. that's a true fact about me.
No undressers, though.
(terrible habit of making the worst dad jokes lately. am I compensating for not having a dad???)

I have a tendency to forget that I don't even like hosting parties! It was good, actually, it's just funny that you pressure all your favourite people to come over and then there's lots of other people and then you don't really have time to talk to anyone because you're hosting and you have to talk to people you don't even like thaaat much because you're a good host.
I hid in my room a lot with my good buds. And I drank, oh how I drank. Why were we drinking flavoured vodka out of the bottle while all sitting in my bed? I just don't know.

(brilliant screening choices)

Celebrated Nic's birth a little bit, though apparently I'm going to do more of that this evening. Lucky two birthday parties!

I duct-taped the cupboards shut and we got disposable cups. Good call! Easy breezy clean-up! (not that it's done yet, of course.)

I bought those prize ribbons to issue but no one was really worthy. I kept 'em all and everyone was pretty jealous I assume.

I love everyone so much these days. This is due in part to how happy I am, of course. But man, do I like people! So intricate and wonderful and awful!
I think people like me more these days because of how happy I am. I'm hopeful that it's not an arrogant sort of happy, or an obnoxiousness. I'm just glad to have this life and glad to be this guy.

yeah, so I bought these prescription sunglasses online and they came yesterday and I love them. Totally worth $20. mmhmm mmhmm. They are very silly but lightly tinted which means I can wear them inside all the time which means I'm now the best at being pretentious all day.

lurk & bang

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 14:00:00 +0000

Some days.

Turkey Bird and I cleaned the kitchen and reorganized that shelf so don't worry. Turkey Bird claims to like cleaning. Maybe I should try liking cleaning. It's all just a matter of deciding things, maybe. (it's not.)

During film fest Carla Ghee and I went ouuuuttt on the town. That's when I bloodied my shins. Low-lying stages are hazards. Shots are hazards. Carla Ghee and I are very much in love. She's a treat.

Also, we went to the sxsw party at tiff. Nic, Norman and I.
Norman and Nic are probably the most heavily influential people in my life these days. They know everything about me and are huge guiding lights and they have both (separately) watched me lie around on the floor in pure emotional agony (or I'm dramatic) in the past few weeks. I owe them both.
They are both geniuses. I liiiiiiike that about them.

hahaa I look dumb in all of these. I look dumb 80% of the time, so it's good that it gets represented in here occasionally!

Ron lives in his studio down the street now, instead of here with us, and they have a trampoline in their living room. I don't know why but I'll never object!

I need unlimited moneys. I wonder what I'd be like if I'd grown up with money, if I had funding for any project I felt like doing.
It's going to be interesting to see if I actually do get better at working, get better at taking myself seriously, etc.

witchy in the least witchy way

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Wed, 19 Sep 2012 19:54:00 +0000

"I've just been snoozing for years"
I keep saying this.

These days anything is possible and probable and I'm getting a better handle on self-confidence and on having goals and real proper ambition again. Seems obvious of a thing to do, but it's not always that easy.
There's so many things I want to do! How have I wasted so much time waiting for things to find me?? So silly! It's totally alright, though. There's still time for me to do everything and then some. There's always time until there isn't (at which point I'm dead so who cares).

Do I look witchy? Maybe a little bit, you can admit it to yourself. I can't tell you all the reasons why I'm witchy right now, but there are a couple. Bear that in your mind.

Maybe vitamin Bs are actually really cool and I should remember to take them full-time. Oh! this just reminded me to go and take some. Mmhmm mhmm!

Yeah, so, I'm haaaaappy these days. Also dreadfully sad at moments. And Monday I just wanted to die and then last night my friend was saying that absolutely everyone she knew had a shitty day on Monday and maybe it's just that something was off-kilter in the universe?

I don't know why my feet seem blue. I'd like to reassure you that it's only the way the light was falling, but who the eff knows. Maybe my feet will fall off soon.

It's getting cold out. We're not having the long, drawn-out summers I've gotten used to. It's crisp out already.
I've got a head cold. I'm really not enjoying it. I was trying to ignore it but it's obnoxious today. My eyes hurt my nose hurts my lungs hurt everything is not my favourite. I found some expired neo-citran in the cupboard so hopefully I don't die drinking it. My newest roommate just brought me a juice from Fresh also. Amazing, amazing.
My new roommate will henceforth be referred to as "Turkey Bird" until she tells me differently. Haahaaa.
Turkey Bird also just moved the rest of her stuff from Vancouver and apparently now we own a food processer!!! oh so excited! Dips and shit! Maybe it'll help us master gluten-free baking (she is also gluten-free)....

Did medicine card readings the other night. It's not a bad way to spend time with someone.
My cards were great, very interesting and I like how it gets you thinking about stuff. Lots of work to do, it says. Oh how right, how right!
Turkey Bird just bought a deck of these so now I can do these whenever I want.
Beaver, Ant, Bear, Weasel, Skunk, Spider, Wolf
nice nice.
Turkey Bird got a turkey in her reading so now you know.

Saw Violet for the first time in forever and ever the other afternoon. One of my favourite things about summer is when one hang-out turns into a new hang-out, turns into dinner, etc. I kissed Violet on her cheek because I was happy to see her. That's a big deal because we are not affectionate.
I've been more affectionate, lately. I have too much of the joys inside of me, I want to put them on other people, you know?

hot air

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 20:33:00 +0000

My lovely family arranged to get my mum a hot air balloon ride for her birthday. We were all supposed to be there when it went up in late August but that day the flight got cancelled. She rebooked and got to go up yesterday. That top photo is my very favourite. I love, love, love, love the bit of the basket in the frame.

I stole all these photos from my mother's facebook. Thanks, facebook!

Now I want to go up in one. My goodness, Saskatoon is pretty.

Almost done at the theatre today, and then working two plays tomorrow and then I have Monday off! A whole day off! I'm going to have a massive nap when I go home soon here. And I'm going to like it. Then I will go to a house party and if there aren't babes there I will pitch a fit and win the hearts of millions. Oh man, I don't know. My eyes are broken I'm so tired.

I've been thinking a lot about writing. I've been hanging out full time with nic and she's a good influence about working because she's ambitious and takes herself seriously and takes me seriously and thinks I'm a genius too. So yeah, that's nice. We have BIG IDEAS so get ready for that.

This is basically the cutest picture I've ever seen, it's my mother on the right and my aunt on the right. Cute cute cute!

I'm very interested in my mum writing guest posts for this blog. Like bits from her life or whatever she'd like really but she is resisting my good idea. She says, "why wouldn't I just have my own blog?" but of course she isn't going to get around to it. And I know that she's a shy kind of a lady but I also know for a fact that she's a good writer and very funny and I feel like she owes me her memories (haa she will 100% disagree with me here and say that I'm being selfish which I am. I mean, of course.).
Also you don't have to be shy about writing little things that happened to you a hundred years ago that aren't terribly private or anything.

Also, I would like to point out the obvious here and tell you, if you're a shy kind of a lady you made a big mistake by having me for a kid.
I used to embarrass the hell out of her in line at the grocery store telling every cashier my entire life story (and hers along with it). I'm sure she regrets every single day that she ever told me I was born of donor insemination. Aw, I like my mum a lot.

set me off

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 20:02:00 +0000

the amount of stress that I'm carrying around these days is a bit unhealthy, maybe? I've not yet learned how to be good at stress.
I am in desperate need of a giant crying session. The kind where it's a bit panicky and I cry about every single thing that's ever happened to me and I call my mum and worry the hell out of her and then the next day I feel way better. I neeeed that.
Unfortunately, I don't have the time. I don't have the time, I especially don't have the energy, and I also don't feel like being sad. The shit thing about me and sadness is that if I don't have time for it, then it just gets switched over into anger or irritation. Both are uncomfortable emotions, but way less so than feeling sad. For me sometimes, anyway.

Also, the other thing about my lack of melt-down is that everything is really great. Even the things that are hard are still for the best. I mean, it's upsetting when things change or when I don't always get what I want, but change is good, and sometimes I want things that are terrible for me.

My starters for melting-down are generally:
A) my career/creativity is shit and nothing will ever happen for me
this isn't currently true, I've got a lot of things going on. Everything is in early stages, but I'm excited for how good of a comedian I'm becoming, and all that is going to come from that. I'm excited about my writing and my plans for projects are getting rather out of hand (in a good way). I'm gathering new confidence and new ambition and it feels pretty nice.

B) my love life is shit.
okay, yeah, this one is pretty true, but when is it not? I think I finally broke my mother, in terms of she just thinks I'm straight-up insane and cannot be trusted to have a relationship! I find this spectacular, to some degree. I'm not as upset about things here as I could be because I have an odd sort of trust lately that I'm being good and rational and even though my judgement is bananas, I'm still treating everyone properly so... Also, I have faith that at some point I'll like someone who is a sane and rational person who likes me and is nice to me. HA, not if I keep trying to date comedians, though.

C) I have no friends and everyone hates me.
I have the best friends and everyone likes me, so I'm not crying over this, no siree. Everyone is very beautiful and talented and I love so many people it's unreal.

D) I'm homesick.
Well, I am homesick, but I was also just there so it's not as big of a deal. Plus Christmas is coming soon and I'll be going back again, then!

So... you can see, I'm having a hard time setting myself off and getting all of the sadness out because nothing is that terrible. Which is why I'd like to read a really great novel I could cry for years at. Or watch a film like that... not that I have time for reading or watching right now because I'm in the middle of working something stupid like 16 shifts in 11 days or something bananas like that.
Maybe Monday I'll have time for my big cry. Yeah, maybe I'll set aside Monday for that activity. Ha, we'll see.

trrrrrrain trrrrrrip (posted from the train)

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 17:13:00 +0000

It's strange to be homesick, quiet and still on this train moving across the wide country and still be thinking about comedy. How to be funny, where to be funny, why something is funny, how to manipulate the ways in which I'm naturally funny into a more thought-out, well-used way.

A thing I forget about is that everyone is allowed to be funny and in such different ways. I can name 50 people who are funnier than me but since I'm completely different than them, it isn't that important.
Had a really good pep talk from a wonderful comedian the other night and he was like, "be competitive, not necessarily with other comedians, but with yourself. Be the best at being you."

Comedy is hard intellectually in the way that acting for camera is hard on my appearance self esteem.
Like, if it doesn't go well then it's a direct reflection of how I'm failing as a person. Haaa, no but really.
Terrifying!

I said to him the other night during this pep talk, "I don't want to try, what if I fail?" (which is my go-to attitude and reason for how successful I am now)
I've never seen him look less impressed with me. And I deserve it.

Food for thought, food for thought.

That was written yesterday. I didn't have cell reception for a full day. It was freeing and nice kind of but also I don't like not being able to use my phone.
I like my phone more than the average person, I think.

Today is bright and sunny out and we just had a 3.5 hour stop in Winnipeg and I had breakfast at the forks (gluten-free pancakes!!!) and then walked to a thrift store that wasn't too far. So obviously I'm in a great mood.
I wasn't in a bad mood yesterday, just quiet and maybe wistful.

I can't wait to get out on the prairies. I have big plans to take my novel to the dome car and drink tiny bottles of wine and tea and write and maaaybe do a crossword.

gin mare

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 15:36:00 +0000

new business cards! so good. Everyone is choosing my high-school photo, obviously. We never got prints of that photo which is too bad because having it in 8x10 would be something special.
Klout (which tracks one's social media influence or some bullshit like that [I'm influential about beards!]) gives you 50 cards from Moo for just paying the shipping and having their idiot logo on it. I'm okay with the logo, just give me the freeee. Ya know?
"party to the moon, please"
Yeah, I am impressed with myself sometimes. also, I did a good design job. right?

it's funny how sometimes I feel like I ask the universe for things and it gives me them. Not always, and not often enough, but.
A couple of entries ago I talked about only caring about honesty. How that's my number one priority. And it's like the universe is gifting me with truth-sayers lately.
I like a good honest-face, I tell you that for free, no problem.

Is anyone else really really into The L.A. Complex? For serious? This is one of my favourite "trashy" shows in quite awhile. Kaldrick King's plot line is just so, so good. I've cried at every episode of season 2 so far. Should I be embarrassed? Yeah for sure.

Train trip to Saskatoon this weekend! I leave Saturday night and get in on Monday night! 48 hours train vacation. I'm hoping the train part is also like a party... I'll make it happen. I'm off the babe-wagon, which is almost too bad because having a big romance on the rails would be swoon-inducing (and you know I only do things for the story. mostly.) but my life is perfect right now so now I just need to make bffs with some travellers and we'll make some fun choo-choo-choose your own adventures.

BAAAAHAHAHA omg I'm so sorry for that joke.

second drake-related post in a row? duuuumb. This drake is a babe, though, that's what I'm getting at here.

Gin Mare! I feel like that should be my nickname.

Amazingly, one of my favourite bartenders at Comedy Bar (how would I choose I love them they're the best) put up my "business" card.

Was at Comedy Bar last night to do my friend's pilot for Pilot Week and in this photo I am lifting my arm over my head to make my face flushed. I'm supposed to look like I was just doing it. Success!

Guuuuys. I have to go do things right now but I don't want to! I want to just watch videos of babes on the internet and search for pictures of dogs in human clothing.

Also, I found out that my new roommate, Chanel's Mum, really loves Christmas and now my dreams of having the most fantastically over-enthusiastically decorated Christmas house WILL ALL COME TRUE.
Also, Captain Heh is very disappointed in me never mentioning that he's my new roommate as well, so here you go, Captain! I like my roommates and my house a lot maybe I should do a post about my experiences in the past year after living on my own for years and years before. Hmmm okay I will ruminated on that. BYE FOREVER.

funny face

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Sun, 12 Aug 2012 01:12:00 +0000

Man, I'm mildly embarrassed to tell you guys this, but I've been listening to this song non-stop:

Am I insane or is this kind of lovely?
Also I dance around to it like the asshole I always I am.

HOME TIME IN WHAT? 8 DAYS?
jeezily jeezily jeezily.
trrrrrrain. I'll maybe make goals for my train journey? A writing goal? A reading goal?

Three new flower pictures in there I got in cottage country. V, v beautiful. They are maybe my favourite.

I think I actually got a stomach ache from eating too many brussel sprouts yesterday. I am just in love with them. I keep buying more each time I'm at the grocery store thinking this time I'll make them all and have some left over for later. But, nope, I just eat them all.
I've just been half-ing them and roasting them in olive oil and salt and pepper until they are crispy outside and soft inside and then LEMON JUICE and MORE SALT.
oh man now I'm sad I don't have any.

Also I've been always doing them with cauliflower, balances them out. Yesterday I did zucchini and mushrooms as well. FUCK YEAH, VEGETABLES.
A good time to get obsessed with roasting is when it's 1000 degrees outside.

Helped set up for the Summerworks opening party a couple of days ago. Decorating! I'll volunteer for that shit for sure, even better if it's a medium-secret party. In order to get into this room you had to go upstairs and say a password. "you know the password" it could be anything you want. I like that.

Aww man, guys, the other day I had a babe sheepishly admit to me that Christmas is his favourite thing and he just loves carols. NAH, MAN, no apologizing for that around me, thank you very much!
Did I get a boner? Yeah, for sure I did.

I love, love this stupid part of my room lately. Almost better than the built-ins I'd been dreaming of? Maybe because it's so ridiculous and you know that's what I like.

Can I take the awful screen door off of my bedroom balcony? It's awful and just in the way. I don't think it serves a purpose since the mesh is all mangled... Can I just buy one of the screen curtains?
Maybe I'll ask!

Something about this series of photos (which I took right before going to cottage last week) reminds me of Funny Girl. That one with Audrey Hepburn? The one where they pretend that she's got a weird face?

Now I go to work for the next so many days in a row.

Also I ordered "business" cards from Moo because Klout said I could have them if I just paid shipping so I got some real funny (?) ones and now I just want them to get here already! I need them for my jokes! Also, I recommend if you are single to get some stupid business cards to give out because it's easier than trying to wrangle numbers or whatever. Plus it lets babes remember how you're the best.
I haven't had business cards in years, but I'm very much looking forward to these ones...

floor-bed

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 05:26:00 +0000

Norman's out on the town and I'm not out with him, which is pretty bizarre! Although one time earlier this week we were out and he stayed in. Even stevens we are.

Speaking of-- Norman recently wrote a really remarkable blog about his long-time love of rap. Norman's blog is actually always worth the read. I'm not just saying that because our love springs eternal.
Oh, I just looked at his site just now and the newest one about his great-grandmother is just so, so lovely.

I bought clogs. I don't remember ever even thinking about wanting to buy clogs. These were very cheap. I'm into them. Weird decision, certainly.

(a ghost came and the ghost was like "heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy")

Comedy is hard. Do I talk about comedy enough? It still feels very foreign to me that I'm a comedy performer. A "comedian". There's only so long I'm going to be allowed to feel new about it.
I used to think I'd hate the part where I'm constantly examining why something is funny and how and so on. I don't hate it. I find it interesting. I can't imagine feeling more sure and unsure at the same time about something.

(birthmark back)

I would pay all the money I could find/borrow/steal to just buy a shitload of confidence to use at my convenience. I'd pay it no problem because I'm certain that's the only thing keeping me from doing all the things I should be doing.
Getting there, getting there.

I've always been a late bloomer, in pretty much every way. I lost my last baby tooth just before entering 9th grade. It takes me awhile to get to things, sometimes. Most times.
So it's okay that now I'm a comedian. It's okay that I'm still scared of it and nervous about it and figuring it out. It'll be okay if I finally really do stand-up at 40 (or in a week or two, whichever).
It's hard to remember that youth is just the tiniest section of my life and everything that happens enriches and adds to what I already know and can make me better.

Not having dealines isn't a good excuse not to work, Meredith.

It is strange, also, to go from being an avid comedy watcher and enjoyer and supporter to being a performer and working with people I've admired. Going from being a fan to a peer, basically. And it's hard to imagine talking them into working with me, because of course I'm just the person who goes to shows, not the person who does them. Not now, though.
Oh, I'm so jealous of the easy, sturdy confidence so many people seem to ooze. So remarkably jealous.

But also, while we're on the subject, being a "comedian" isn't making me less bratty, I'll tell you that for free. It's (embarrassingly) making me much worse about pointing out what I don't like about other people's jokes. It's making me far more annoyed with how people go about humour sometimes. It's making it impossible to think about falling in love with anyone because they would have to be the funniest but then also that probably somehow wouldn't be enough or I'd just feel furious about not being as funny.
I'm not satisfied with my own level of comedy and so I'm remarkably hard on everyone else. COOL MOVE.

I'm still revelling in loving the jokes I love, though. Lately I've been working a lot with one of my bffs, Flash Gordon, and we frequently fall over laughing. And the jokes aren't ones I can relay, I can just guarantee that to us they are pure magic. I wouldn't know how to bottle our interactions, explain them, or write them in a screenplay, but I wish I could because it's very nice.

Anyway.
Second Cottage Friendship Retreat Weekend this weekend. Where is time going? Looks like it'll be at least 12 (!) people up there at some point and I'm just so excited because we're going up for several days and lots of people are coming at different times and mannnnn do I like socializing.

(such a young-looking one, still. I wonder if I'll become a creepy old-young faced guy soon.)

I put my bed on the floor. Sometimes you just lose patience. This was one of those times. I have bigger plans for this set-up and I need my tablecloths back from Mrs (ohh yeah, Mrs is now ACTUALLY a MRS now. so bizarre) that she used at her wedding. Mrs and Arrow's weddings was one of the most lovely, tasteful, perfect parties I've ever been to. Aaaaaand I love them.

Also, guys, I'm taking the train back to Saskatoon real soon and I'm actually ridiculously excited for that adventure, and on the train I'd really like for there to be:
a) a mystery I get to solve
b) sweet babes
c) secret booze I don't get caught with
d) fun surprises

how to show you're not interested

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Thu, 26 Jul 2012 05:53:00 +0000

everyone has been waiting so patiently for my new dating advice video -- I'm not quite sure how you guys are managing without my sage wisdom, but here:

(I'm still insanely busy but also having the best time. I was a bridesmaid in the most lovely wedding on the weekend and if you follow me on twitter or instagram or are my fb friend then you forsure know all about it!)

(two jobs tomorrow or I'd stay up late writing more!)

here's an honest bit

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 04:02:00 +0000

(I'm going to try not to backtrack and pre-apologize for my own self and my own thoughts in this entry. Try.)

I'm only interested in honesty these days. I have a big, big interest in honesty. I mean, I always have but lately, man. It's all I care about.

sometimes I don't think I get enough credit.

I don't get enough credit for being a rational human.
In the past I have certainly been less than rational. But then, who hasn't? I've been impulsive and interested in pushing situations and seeing what I can get away with. It goes along with being a young person. Everyone handles being young differently.
I'm still so, so young. And so selfish. I know that is very true.

I do have patterns. I have two-week involvements and I have few-month involvements. I've never been in a serious long-term relationship. I don't do this on purpose, it's how things work themselves out.
And there's been times in recent years where when something happens (or doesn't happen or fails to be realized) that I'll have people say things like "Oh, Meredith, when are you going to learn how to have a relationship?"

I love liking people. I am full-hearted and cocks-on-the-table in terms of my levels of affection for people I like. In friendships I pursue and rope in and befriend like there is no tomorrow. I tenderly whisper my love to my pals, or tell them in awkward loud yell-laughs, or write it in lots of letters if I feel too awkward around them. I like people so, so much! I love loving people and caring for them and looking out for them and being involved in their lives.
Want to know how I somehow wrangled the best people in the world to be my best friends? THAT'S HOW.
By caring about them until I could just burst into one thousand pieces.

I'm so proud to be with each and every one of my good pals. Just so pleased to have them on my arm and introduce them to people and take them out on the town. What a fucking lucky gremlin, I am!

So, naturally, it follows based on this being my personality, that I like babes. I like babes so much. And I have a real cool skill of being able to have a crush on such a wide variety of people. Sort of like how I have such a wide variety of friends in different circles who I like for very different reasons. If there's an element of kindness, honesty, and good humour in a human, I want them around me.
I see potential and interesting things in so many people, and I want to push that and pursue it.
I think humans are so intricate and detailed, and there is such, such beauty in everyone.

With friends, it goes so much more unnoticed if I quickly befriend someone and then they don't end up being close in my life. When it turns out we aren't that compatible, it's not revolutionary.
It's harder with babes.
It's especially harder with babes because society has set up relationships to be the be-all and end-all. They're everyone's ultimate goal.

I find this SO SILLY and also completely valid.

You want to build a relationship with someone and have them join your family and make a new family with them and share your whole future?
OF COURSE THAT'S IMPORTANT.
but. if that's not what happens, then you're fine! I'm fine! It's fine to be alone! It's actually sometimes the most wonderful, coolest time. Partnership is not necessary. IT JUST ISN'T. (okay, maybe it is for you and I fully understand that and support it.)

Short involvements with babes are harder in my life because I get so involved and wrapped up in things and enjoy talking about it and dissecting it and dreaming about it. Which is natural, I believe.

The most simple reason why my relationships are short is because I know what I know when I know it. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but I've never regretted ending anything. I've never looked back and been like "holy shit, how did I let that get away from me".
I know who I am, and I like who I am, and I know what I like.
And as soon as I get it into my head that the relationship would not last forever then I get out. I can't pretend, I can't stick around working on things that I know are not true enough. I think it does me and my partner a disservice by keeping us in something that's not good enough.

And I don't regret being dumped. By anyone. I don't regret having crushes that weren't reciprocated. All of this is just true things that happened, I'm who I am because of what has happened. If someone doesn't want to date me then lord knows I don't want to be involved with them either!
I've been involved with some brats, but for the most part I still really respect/admire/like the men I've been involved with. I've been lucky to know a lot of great people.

I know I'm remarkably un-choosy in my vast array of vague crushes, that's just a fun that I have!
I'm slightly more choosy in terms of who I kiss or date, and then ridiculously, horrendously choosy about who I will have a proper relationship with.
BECAUSE I SHOULD BE.

I don't have patience for people who stay in things that are not-great. Especially because it's usually out of fear, or out of the desire to fight for someone's love. To be validated.

Cool, I can validate myself at home, alone. if you know what I'm saying.

I'm so happy on my own. I'm me being me. It's easiest to be honest and the nice kind of person I want to be when I'm on my own.

If I'm going to be in a relationship it's going to be because it is as good, or better than being by myself. And if, in the first few months, it's not as good, then I'm right to get out.

And, guys, I have the best possible friends in the universe that I can't wait to see and can't wait to hang out with and until it happens that I can sustain that feeling with a man I'm dating, then I have no interest in that situation!
Until I feel like the luckiest person to be with him, and him with me. Then, no no no that's not a cool venue for me. Nope nope.

If there's a person who's going to be a priority in my life then they need to be the best person for me. So many men I know are the best people, but they are not the best people for me. And I'm not the best me with them.
I just can't be in that right now.

This is not about how relationships take work and how there are ups and downs. I see that, I agree with that, big loves are not simple and easy and always straight-forward, but that's not what I'm on about right now.

Relatedly, I think it's unfair to judge me for having a lot of crushes and for kissing people I feel like kissing since:
a) those things are very fun
and
b) how do I know what I want unless I find it?

And the thing is, when I'm in something, I'm in it. I'm just in it. I'm not crazy and looking at other babes, I'm good at being with one person. When I'm in something good I can't imagine being anywhere else. I'm loyal, and I'm a care-taker.

I just have no intention of living a chaste and restrained life, waiting for a husband to come and find me. I'm interested in being the most honest, having the most fun, and having big adventures.
Those are my priorities right now.

If a big TRUE LOVE never ever happens for me I'll be quite surprised, but I'm GD happy these days. So GodDamned happy these days.
And if you meet me when I'm 82 and I say, "I should have listened, it was my patterns that screwed me up, I did never get anyone a proper chance, I did only want what I couldn't have"
then you can go ahead and say I told you so!
Until then, I'm going to go ahead with crushes, and loving who I can, and trying to be the most kind and the most honest and see where that takes me.

I apologize for sounding self-righteous. I will hopefully be growing out of that soon.

(Photos of Carla Ghee, Prune, and Cheespie. For just a few examples of some of the best people in the universe who I am too lucky to be loved by.)

cottage dreams

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 00:09:00 +0000

I'm back from the cottage. It's much hotter in the city. The sun sets behind the cottage and it gets shady very early in the evening and cools down the house. I'm never too hot in the evenings there beside the lake. I like being chilly at night, wearing sweatpants, roasting marshmallows in the fireplace, sleeping under a big duvet.

I like the cottage, you may have guessed.
I read zero books. I drank one hundred beers. I ate everything in sight. Had some good chats, had some really, really fantastic swims.
It's funny because I'm a bit hesitant about going into the water at first. I mean, I still do it, but I wonder if I even like swimming. But once I'm in, man. Last one out, basically always.
Last night it was pretty cool all day and then it rained a bit off and on and I took myself out on a kayak expedition around the lake just before sunset and I felt the water and it was warm, so when I got back I went swimming.
so fucking lovely. It was maybe the warmest the water was all weekend. And Dollface was in the sunroom basically ignoring me and Kaya (the dog) wasn't too whiney about me being in the lake for so long and I just dicked around in there like there was no tomorrow.
The best.

Hopefully I will have more to say about this later. Right now I'm hot and tired. I'm refusing to get out of my bathing suit and I'm having a dinner beer. No interest in reality. No interest at all.

It was a super low-key and relaxing weekend. No mascara, no cool outfits, no one to feel awkward around.
In August I think it will be maybe 7 or 12 people or more or less and it will be way more of a party weekend and I'm excited for that. But I'm pleased at how relax-a-saurus this weekend was. Caught up on all my sleeping and lazing about.

this bikini is from Giant Tiger. Prune had the same one at one point, I copied her by buying it. I wonder if she still owns hers.

Thank god for blogs, otherwise what would be the point of taking all these photos.

Probably should go see what my bender gang is up to. I haven't seen them in a couple weeks, which in bender gang time is approximately one year.

dock's a-waiting!

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 14:17:00 +0000

Quick Q! How many bikinis is too many to pack?? haahhaaaa just kidding I'll only take three.

t minus some minutes before I leave for FRIENDSHIP RETREAT COTTAGE WEEKEND. ughgughgghhh. I'm so excited!

stone cottage dreamhome. who wants to pitch in and buy this with me?? come on. let's get serious.

oh yeah, so I met my new roommate, Chanel:

Oh yeah, she came with a human. The human seems nice. hahahaaaaa awww I love cats. Chanel purred around my legs already this morning.
I wonder what my new lady-roommate's nickname will be. She's a stranger I met for the first time yesterday so we'll have to give it a moment to figure it out!

Got a headache in my brain from drinking and not sleeping enough but last night was a whole lot of fun. Remount of the Book of Moron.

Guys. on a semi-related note, all of my hardwork in friendships has really paid off for me. I have the BEST friends. Honestly. I have friends that I want to cry when I see them because they are that nice and great and love me so much. Anyway, thanks to everyone who came out to this show. A year of work!
I can't believe that it's done. I'm quite sad. It's crazy when something this intensive is over.
Such good work we did. We came so fucking far. I love that some of my friends came to our first class shows and got to be amazed at how far we've come.
nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice

BRB GUYS HERE THIS IS WHERE I'LL BE!

I can't wait to get into my bedroom!!! I can't wait! I can't wait to look out my window (oh yeah, also this is definitely Dollface's family's cottage but I definitely pretend it's for me only mostly. haahahaha yeeeeeahhhh)

harm reduction chair

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Wed, 04 Jul 2012 19:31:00 +0000

Remember when I wasn't ever busy and only worked like 20 hours a week and my only hobbies were blogging?

Is this the longest stretch of time I've ever gone without updating this? Possibly. I'm filled with good intentions of getting back into it. FILLED TO THE BRIM.

here's a video I made a couple of months ago that's good voice work on my part. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I made it in a few hours for the Second City training centre's weekly video competition based on the word "potato".

Hey, guess what! I left the country!
Yeah yeah for the very first time ever in my life I crossed the border into the united states. Hey today is the 4th of July. That's their day.

this is me at our first rest stop after crossing the border. I was pretty excited. Goddamn that's a long drive to NYC, hey? I don't know how some people do it super fast. Speeding, I guess. We did it long.

I have a new stranger roommate coming tomorrow. The last time a stranger moved in it was Yulie, so I have high hopes.
It's too hot to clean but I need to clean so badly. It's hard with everyone coming and going, but once this roommate is officially in we can start making it like a real proper home. HOPEFULLY!

Hey look, it's Sass aka Joey aka my old Toronto bud who is currently living in NYC. In this photo she is my boyfriend and we are in the secret garden of the air b n b my team stayed at.

my good-looking improv team and I did our show at 10:45 on Sunday morning. We had a small house (some of our buds came to our show. thank you, buds!) but did a solid set. I was actually really pleased with how we did. It was nice having a low-pressure time slot and a clock that was counting down our 30 minutes. I relaxed.

It's dumb how much my nerves and lack of self confidence ruin my life. Working working wooorking on it.

I feel like I'm getting better looking these days. I would say forsure it's because of my curling wand, my interest in dressing slightly better, and possibly how I've lost quite a bit of weight (though I get defensive on that point because I don't like the idea that one's weight dictates one's level of attractiveness).
But for sure the number one thing is how I'm less nervous of everyone. I'm just more happy in my own body and brain. That's a thing that's obvious and appealing, I think.

new (old) computer that I bought for $300 because I spilled tea into my macbook pro. I kind of love this guy, so far. And he doesn't feel too fancy for me!

work tonight and then rehearsal tomorrow and then we remount THE BOOK OF MORON my Second City conservatory graduation show.
I can't believe how much I've not written about on here. Upsetting.
Anyway, I'm done conservatory now and we HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK with our grad show. I'm very pleased with what I got in the show in the end (despite some rough patches in the process for suuure).
awhile ago I wrote a list of things I wanted for myself in the show:
-scene where I am an engaged and realistic actor
-scene that showcases how dynamic and energetic I can be
-scene where I get to play a big and playful character

I get to do all that and a bunch more. And I get to support some fuuuuucking hilarious performers in their work. What a process. What a time this has been.

Anyhow, if you're around tomorrow (July 5th) at 11 p.m. come to the Second City's mainstage and judge for yourself. You might as well, really!

If you don't follow me on twitter then you're missing out. That's what I do instead of blogging. I'm a big fan of twitter.

This weekend is the first of COTTAGE of the 2 cottage weekends Dollface and I have planned for ourselves. I am very, very excited. I feel like I've earned all of the relax time I'm going to enjoy this weekend. Hahahahahaaaa earned.

All lace

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Mon, 14 May 2012 17:01:00 +0000

I would say it's possible that I'll spend my summer in mostly only linen and lace. Because why not.

For some reason these days, more than ever before, I'm hyper-aware of everything that I don't know. Everything that I have no sense or knowledge of seems to stretch out around me and I feel ridiculously silly for never having noticed this before.

Is this because I don't really read books anymore? I think it's mostly because my interests and hobbies mostly revolve around drinking and looking at babes. Fine hobbies, for sure, but I keep being overwhelmed by how much I still have to learn.

I'm only now getting a sense of just how much more I learn every year, every month that I'm alive. I hope I live to be 120 so that I can know so much more about everything.
(Although, to be fair, I really don't believe that the earth as we know it will last another 90 some years the way we're using it. I just don't.)

Big ups and big downs these days, guys.

I'm travelling out of Canada (for the first time ever!) at the end of June. White Panther Girlfriend got in to the Del Close Marathon in NYC so we'll be doing some improv on a Sunday morning and probably having the best time of our lives so far.
NEW YORK CITY, GUYS.

I've always said that I'm not that interested in travelling, but you must know that's just because I was always afraid to say that I want to.
It's just always being broke and also having a lack of self-confidence.
Saying things like "I want to go to Europe" seems silly and I feel like it'd be met with,
"With what money? Why should you get to go?"
I did always just figure that later in my life I'd have money/time/opportunity to travel and there was no point hurrying into it. Now I'm starting to feel a bit like time moves quicker than I'd ever imagined and I'll never get to do everything I want to do.

Also, I do travel a lot, I travel back to Saskatoon all the time. And I travel to cottages in the summer.

These days I have a lot of things I'd like to say about relationships but I'm always still formulating thoughts, and I'm always going back and forth on what the internet needs to know about everything. It's important to me that I write what I like, but that I take good care of myself and of the people in my life.

I know I've said it before, and maybe it's clear in the way I go about things, but I'm just not convinced I want to be in a relationship.

Maybe just not currently?

When I'm involved with people I'm actually very nice and a good person to be involved with, and I'm happy enough and get really interested in how I think relationships could go and the exciting bits of being partnered up with someone. But it's not always my favourite place to be. I feel most comfortable on my own. Like a sigh of relief when I don't have anyone to be accountable to, can do whatever I want whenever I want, forever.

A brat I was involved with recently-ish said while we were ending things, "I'd like to believe that at some point I would be selfless enough to be in a relationship, that I could prioritize someone else's needs above my own, but it's not now"

I'm sort of like that, too, I guess. Except I try to be kinder about it (doesn't always work out).

I think the thing that puzzles me about my lack of interest in anything long-term and strong-standing is how I'm still very much interested in men and in romance (less so these days, but still).

Maybe it's just getting high on the possibilities. I do like the idea of having a husband sometime (or especially the idea of having a ring and dress and a party...)
I like the idea of having a best friend forever to build a life with, I just don't have any belief that'll happen for me.
We'll see, I suppose.

Also, you're welcome for all the ridiculous pictures of me to accentuate how nuts I am while writing this entry. nice.

Oh, aaaand, I put a whole cup of tea onto my computer and my old computer isn't loading any web pages at all, so this entry is brought to you by the magic of iPhone.
Please, lord, let me keep my iPhone safe, and please lord, let my macbook pro revive from the dead!

(ughughughh I just bought that I don't have time/money for this. Sigh sigh sighhghhhhhgughughh.)

dating advice #4

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Thu, 03 May 2012 02:55:00 +0000

hey guys! look how romantic I am. aaaaand I'm giving you some sweet advice.

less worried about being cool

noreply@blogger.com (meredith r. mistletoe) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 20:02:00 +0000

I'm a really good mood today for the first time in weeks!

Making refried beans? add beer and a bit of curry powder. Catdad's best tip.
My best tip? Quinoa on your tacos. Better than rice!

My body is doing a pretty good job of being a hormonal nightmare lately for no apparent reason? Seems a bit unfair, if you ask me. Maybe it's just getting everything out of the way and now will work like a dream for the rest of my life? HA.

I'm working quite a bit these days. I don't know how much I've said here but I'm working very part-time in the office at a small theatre close to my house. I like this job more than I expected but mostly WEARING MY OWN CLOTHES is the best. All my other jobs require black pants and MAN, there are only so many days in a row I can make black pants work.

office outfit!
Watch Peever bought me in the St. Catharines Salvation Army. I'm prettttty into it.

Blogger has a whole new format and it's annoying and sorry there were no line-breaks in the last entry but hey, I didn't lose any sleep over it.

(look I actually made a craft that I'd pinned on pinterest! ooohhh man, so many tasteful things on pinterest!!)

One of the reasons I resisted actually getting into comedy for as long as I did (and probably if there's a reason I'll shy away from it in the future) is that it's tiring to keep track of what's funny and why it's funny and how you can translate it later into a way to show other people that it's funny. It's tiring. Not awful, but it is a bit of work.
I can't count how many times in the past few months I've asked people, "what was that thing I thought was so funny earlier?"

(Aunties for the first time in forever and it was as good as I thought it'd be.)

But now hanging around most of the time with comedy people has advantages. I think being an funny/obnoxious kid parlayed into me being an obnoxious teenager and the people I hung out with in high-school valued out-cooling each other over doing voices or accents or silly fun bits.
(and obviously people doing accents/voices who are not funny is the MOST ANNOYING)
It would have mortified me to have tried accents or characters in front of them, I think. It was hard trying to be cool. I've been caring way less about being cool with every passing moment of my life.
I'm feeling way more free these days to say every stupid thing that comes into my head. And, luckily, not all of it is horrendously annoying.
Lately I'm getting really into talking in whichever weird way I goddamn feel like! I let myself go off on tangents about whatever I like, I talk to myself in my room about whatever fictional shit I feel like.

That's probably what one needs to do if one wants to be a character comedian. I can't just think about things in my head and then present it fully polished. Everything needs to be worked out and felt-through.
I'm already a good actor, I have a nice sense of honesty and I trust in being able to act out a scene, whether serious or comedic, but really big character work? it's hard! And maybe because of that is the most amazing?

My voice-memo recording on my iphone has been particularly useful! I usually forget what voice I was talking in immediately after doing it, but if I record it I can recreate it, no problem! I made a video for the Second City training centre's Naked Fridays 7 Day Shorts competition purely because I thought to record the stupid shit I was saying to myself while getting ready for work. The voice-memo app also transfers your memos into mp3s and so I could just edit it directly onto a video in imovie!! COMPUTERS ARE THE BEST THING!!
I want them to put the vid up online so that I can post it here!! It's notbad notbad. And it's one of the first character voices I'm really into/proud of.

I'm so, so happy my mum's coming out for my Second City conservatory's final show in mid-june. Especially since now I'm getting a handle on being a good worker (yeah right) and figuring out how to present/perfect/defend/polish my ideas!
Exciting times!

these chocolate tools cost 28 cents with tax and Norman bought them for me, so they are the best. easter candy sales!!