I would say that I was living my life in a little box. I could look out and watch everybody else living a joy filled life. And I could encourage them and applaud them, but I was stuck in my little box. Alone. Raising 6 kids.

So you know, I was not alone. My husband worked dutifully. But I felt alone. Never clinically diagnosed, but I would say I was depressed and filled to the brim with anxiety.

My faith was incredibly strong. Or at least it was growing. Being alone can sometimes be a good thing. I was hesitant to make friends. So I didn’t. But I had God! I could lean into Him and be comforted by the only One who can comfort.

So I was the mother of six children and felt completely deserted. At the time I 100% believed it was my fault. That my faith must be lacking. We even began seeing a christian marriage counselor. Because, remember, in my head it was my fault. My weak faith was causing our marriage struggles. My children were eleven and younger. How my attitude must have crushed them brings me weeping to my knees. Those six kids (we have eight now) are 7-18 years old now and faith filled to overflowing, but I know that my attitude must have left some sort of mark on them.

One thing that we would do was we would return to Charlotte, NC every once in a while. That would fill my heart each time. I had friends there! Especially my new pro-life faith filled friends. We would gather, have dinner, and chat forever. I’ll never forget when a friend and I sat on her back porch making fun of those other people in Nashville. These were possible friends, yet they posted far more about their businesses than they did about sidewalk ministry. And sidewalk ministry was my newest passion! Every single Saturday we would head out to Welshwood in Nashville and proclaim the gospel and pray that God would use these broken vessels to save innocent lives.

Another thing that helped me get through was I focused on paying off our debt. There’s something about having a goal that is really good at keeping me distracted. So I had a great time focusing on our debt snowball.

A year later I was on Instagram and noticed a fellow sidewalk counselor from California was posting. She was in the same business as the Nashville sidewalk counselors. I actually had the opportunity to meet her when she was driving through on an RV trip. However, I had no desire to make friends and I was weary. I skipped out. Plus it was our wedding anniversary so it was a perfect excuse to stay home.

As the days went on so did I. Always wondering why the cloud of abandonment and loneliness followed me around constantly. I’d get brief moments of happiness. I look back on my pictures and wonder how was I so happy in the photos, but inside I was sinking down, down, down.

March of 2015 that California girl was posting about how she was expecting baby number seven. At that same time I had a doctors appointment and I asked if I could still have another baby. She looked me dead in the eyes and said “with your anxiety??”

I had never said anything to her about what I was struggling with simply because she was not the kind of “doctor” that would have any knowledge on anxiety. So yeah, I left determined to prove her wrong. My new friend in California looked so sincerely happy and full of life. I wanted that. On April 1st she posted about the supplements she was taking. Without even speaking to her I followed a link and ordered. I told no one except my husband because I had spent all of this time making fun of the sellers of this product. My friend in Charlotte, I certainly was not going to tell her. So I kept it to myself. The day the test came back positive for baby number seven was the day the package of Plexus Slim arrived on my doorstep. I had no desire to lose weight, obviously. I just wanted my joy back. Maybe, just maybe it wasn’t a lack of faith. Somehow, though we were heavy into paying off debt, I found just enough to purchase this one product.

A couple weeks later I noticed I wasn’t sad or discouraged anymore. I had a smile on my face again and not just for photos. I still didn’t tell anybody, though, because what if. What if people thought I was just trying to sell them something again? So I stayed silent.

About three months later I finally posted on social media because why not. I had been a part of multiple direct sales companies and my only customers ever were my grandmother and my mother in law. So yeah, wasn’t expecting anybody to be interested. At that exact same time I am proud to say that our debt had been completely paid off! Maybe it was that happiness that caused me to share. All I know is that seven friends joined with me that week. They, too, were looking for some help. I knew this helped me, but I certainly couldn’t explain why.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was that when we struggle it could be one of three things. It’s either body, mind, or it’s spiritual. It could be multiple. For me, I thought for sure it was my spirit, had no idea it was my body. I also wasn’t expecting something so simple to affect so much. Because my body was hurting it was damaging my mind/thought life. And I have no doubt the enemy saw a terrain ripe for play.

One year after I posted on social media for the first time I realized how the Lord was using me in this business that I had spent so much time demeaning. My Plexus team now has thousands of ambassadors/customers. The Lord has blessed us with an income I never could have imagined. All because He saved a broken girl from the valley. I felt tugged, I listened to the Spirit and thought “what if?”

I also became a Natural Health Professional and I’m currently finishing up my ND program (doctor of naturopathy). I have had clients that I have assessed recently and was able to say that they 100% needed the Plexus products and I was able to guide them to which ones they needed. What a crazy unexpected blessing! He changed my life and now He is willingly using me to help change others. This is so incredibly humbling when I spent so long feeling like a nobody. I am now the mother of EIGHT beautiful blessings! I was never a nobody

With all of that being said, I want to put this offer out to you. Plexus has a superb offer right now where you can sign up for ONE PENNY. In my debt pay off days…what I would’ve given for a deal like that. I could’ve tried other products that I needed. However, this offer ends November 30th at midnight EST. I feel like the godmother warning Cinderella of the impending time. If you have any questions I would be honored to help you. If you live local to me talk to me about a health assessment. If the Lord is allowing me to serve Him in this way to help His children to tend to their temples then Lord, here I am, use me.

As always, no matter what you may be struggling with feel free to message me and let me know if you’re in need of prayer. Let’s be the body and serve one another.

Many Blessings ?

It all began when I was listening to one of my favorite pastors, Matt Chandler. It was March 2020. It was just a random sermon I chose from his site. Quite surprisingly he was discussing a topic I had never heard a pastor speak on. I knew my Bible, don’t get me wrong, but this one part made me feel like I was making the Bible goofy. He was speaking about the gifts of the Spirit. I didn’t even know there were “gifts.” I immediately became a child! I want a gift!! If He’s giving out gifts I want one, too!! I didn’t even fully know what gifts He was handing out. I just know I had a hunger.

This sermon is what ignited a desire in me to know more. He recommended the below book by Sam Storms. So I promptly ordered it.

The very next day our pastor was preaching on the gifts of the Spirit! WHAT???? Like, are you kidding me??? Ok, flame is growing ?

Being a busy mom of many I find it difficult to find time to read so I would listen to Sam Storms’ sermons on his website. The wisdom he shared made me hungry for more!

So the Lord was teaching me through pastors. Ok, that makes sense. Then He brought this sweet beautiful young girl back into my life. She was on fire with the Holy Spirit! Her life had drastically changed and she was saved about a year ago. I eagerly watched her instagram for what sorts of biblical wisdom she was sharing. One day she was sharing about a book called “Trail of Fire.” I had no idea what it was about, but if she recommended it I wanted it!

This book really dives into revival. And yes, I want a revival! I thought I knew what that meant. But oh my, this goes even deeper. My husband and I would read a chapter to each other every night. I was so sad when it was over!

We then read a book by Sam Storms called The Beginners Guide to Spiritual Gifts. This one really got down to the nitty gritty.

As we entered into June 2020 I was seeing more people speaking about “revival.” I shared a photo on my Facebook of some books I was reading and the amount of sisters that surrounded me with love and encouragement and support and prayer was beautifully overwhelming!

I specifically remember a friend’s daughter telling me that I needed to be baptized in the Holy Spirit. I had to ask what that even meant? I had been baptized twice before. Once when I was in middle school and wanted reincarnated when I died. So yeah, not a Christian at all. And once after I became a true Christ follower. I thought I had already been baptized! Why in the world would I need to be baptized again??

Oh, my loves, in the water baptism I received a baptism of repentance, but never was I baptized with the fire of the Holy Spirit. A friend recommended this sermon by David Wilkerson (he wrote The Cross and the Switchblade).

The day I planned on watching this I had locked myself into my closet with my Bible and my highlighters. Two of my daughters had blessed me with turning my closet into a war room a couple months earlier. I had my kids watching The Chosen while I stayed in my closet focusing on Him and listening to the David Wilkerson sermon. I was pleading with the Lord because I was so hungry for Him. I wanted filled with His fire with His Spirit!! Near the end I stood with arms raised and heart open. Before I realized it there were foreign words coming out of my mouth. I just continued for as long as He allowed. I was worshipping and praising and thanking Him! To be honest, I never thought I’d be able to speak in tongues simply because I only know English and American Sign Language. And I don’t quite know how that works. I had a dear friend encourage me later because I told her I sound silly. And she was so loving and reminded my that I’m a baby and learning how to speak and to have grace for myself and to just keep practicing.

Now, what I’m doing is praying in tongues, not speaking, only praying. Just between me and the Lord and that is it. This is to edify myself not to edify the church. Plus, I personally don’t know anybody who interprets tongues. But then again, I had no idea I had so many friends who spoke in tongues and has been baptized in the Holy Spirit! I don’t even know what other gifts may be filling those I love.

Below is a dear friend of mine and I LOVE his story!!!

Right now, I have a big handful of friends I am praying over to be filled with the Spirit! If you would like prayer for this as well please message me! I am quickly filling a wall in my closet with names ?

If you, too, are eager please look into the books and sermons above. There is far too much to learn and glean from on this little blog post. Plus, pray and plead for Him to guide you! It was like He continually knocked on my heart.

There was a part of me that was simply irate that no pastor had ever shared this information before. Was lovingly reminded…

“It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.”
Proverbs 25:2

I understand that the enemy has made people feel foolish for having such gifts of tongues, or prophecy, or healings, or miracles or on and on. One thing I’ve always said is that if you’re comfortable in a church then you’re in the wrong place! If you simply read the New Testament it’s a whole lot of laying their lives down to make Him bigger. It was not comfortable. We need to repent if we have chosen self first and we need to be preparing for spiritual warfare!

One last thing: pay attention. That’s probably the best thing I can say right now. If you’re reading or listening and only half paying attention. Like when we endlessly scroll on social media. Stop it! Focus on God. If somebody is scrolling their phone while talking to you and they’re directly in front of you, you immediately know they don’t really care. Don’t do that to Him! HE LOVES YOU!!!! Sacrifice your comforts for Him. Pray for FIRE! ?

Blessings ?

This past year has not been easy. I won’t go into the details, but I’ll just say the past seven years have been indescribably difficult. After the miscarriage in February, that was kinda the tipping point, I was at a place mentally where I was just expecting the bad to come. The enemy had me in his hands and he knew just how to play the right notes to destroy me.

I tried so many different ways to fix myself. As a natural health professional, I tried it all. From homeopathy, to Bach flowers, to the emotion code, to tapping, to hiding, to prayer, to crying (and crying and crying and crying) and so many other things. It was painful. I felt like I was ruining life for everybody around me. So I hid. 

This pregnancy….as soon as precious Selah was born it was like it was all washed away. All the fear. All the anxiety. All of the hurt. God washed it all away. Ironically she was born in water, but I can think of no better way to describe it. 

I cry these days but because I’m looking at this beautiful miracle and asking the Lord “who am I that you would bless me with this precious creation?”

I have no desire to carry this into 2020. So today I am putting this at the foot of the cross and thanking the Lord for carrying this for me. To the handful of friends whom I trusted in and who would comfort me in words or presence, thank you. A million times over. Thank you for showing the love of Christ to a broken and hurting sister.

Our word for 2020 is Jubilee. Freedom from enslavement. Thank you Lord for freeing us and for refining us in fire for seven years. May You be glorified in the joy-filled and hard euchresteo.

Part of my focus this new year is to stay far away from negativity. Whether that be social media or the news. It’s not something I should be playing with so flippantly. 

I don’t know if someone else needed to read this, but living in fear is so dark and I’m so sorry if you’re struggling here. I wish I could take it all away for you. It’s so easy to say to trust the Lord. I *did* trust the Lord. I just can’t properly explain what it’s like to live on that kind of stage. When you know, you know. And I pray you never have to know. Unless, of course, the Lord will be using it to help another brother or sister.

I can’t fix it and it’s hard and it sucks, but there is an ending. There is a rainbow on the other side. And Selah, for us, is our rainbow. 

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18

Blessings ?

I have spent the past 15 years learning as much as I possibly can about living a natural life. From the way I eat to the way I breathe to the thoughts I have to the medicine I take, and so forth. My strong passion was born from a life changing event: when I was 9 years old, I ended up at the hospital on Christmas Eve due to a poor diet that almost cost me my life.

One year ago (September 2016) I went through a traumatic fall. To me, it seemed simple, my wrist had broken. It’s not like my back or neck broke, right? In fact, to be honest, they told me my wrist was fractured and I thought a fracture was like a sprain and not an actual break.

Mine ended up being pretty damaging. Even the x-ray technician looked squeamish when he saw it! At the ER, my wrist was compressed and the doctor had to yank my hand away from my arm. The pain was too much! Even the morphine they gave me barely helped.

I was to have a piece of titanium screwed in to piece me together. This would be my first ever surgery.

I. Was. Scared.

And that’s an understatement. I was supposed to be flying to Maui at the exact same time my surgery was beginning. Just an aside, this was the third trip in a row I won as bonus from my health business, and unfortunately the second Hawaii trip in a row I missed.

Before surgery, I told the doctors and nurses how afraid I was. They gave me a Vicodin to calm my nerves. I had never been so happy to be administered such a heavy drug. And out I went.

Needless to say, after the surgery they loaded me up with prescriptions. Heavy painkillers.

The pain was so much, I happily took these painkillers. Anything to take the pain away. I would space them out to make sure they would last as I knew they would eventually run out and there were no refills. I only found one thing that really worked, but unfortunately it was the most addictive thing and they didn’t renew it, so I spent weeks in constant pain.

It was very difficult to sleep and I started taking Benadryl to help. I just wanted to sleep. Y’all, I was desperate. My system was worn down from the painkillers and drugs I took from the broken wrist. Those take so long to get out of your system. I felt like this “little” fall took my entire year away from me.

I had spent years teaching about how important it is to take care of your health in order to avoid emotional darkness. How important it is to stay consistent with your supplements, water, sleep, exercise, etc. And yet here I was, being the person that I would get frustrated with. Someone who would start a healthy life style and abandon it. I can’t explain it, except that my mental health was destroyed because of all of that medication. I needed Benadryl to help me sleep, but after realizing what it was doing, I took my bottle of Benadryl and dumped all of it out.

All of this history to tell you that I am returning to my healthy ways. Ya know, only took a year. I’m not proud of this, it’s been a terrible year. I wish this had never happened. So I’m hoping to be an example to you of how important it is to stay consistent and to stay as far away from big Pharma type drugs as much as you can.

I don’t know why I didn’t get back on my supplements. I just didn’t want to. I would take probiotics, but that’s it. I am completely confident in the importance of probiotics/fermented foods, but that simply wasn’t enough. You guys, I was taking my naturopathy classes WHILE going through this. I wanted to learn, but wasn’t interested in actually GETTING better.

I’m done with living like this and I’m ready to get back to joyful Jennica. I miss me. I’m mainly writing about this to keep myself accountable. Plus, of course, to help others who may be going through something similar. Mentally struggling and just wanting some help.

Here is a photo of the supplements I am getting back to.

I will be beginning my morning by drinking Slim and when I get on the treadmill I will enjoy Active. After breakfast or lunch I make sure to take XFactor as my daily supplement. Before bedtime, one of my daughters will sets me up a little clay dish with BioCleanse, ProBio, and Ease. The Joyome is a skin lotion that works on the microbiome. So this isn’t really so much a focus on my internal health, but thought I’d add it in here.

I am pregnant and due with #8 and I will say…this is definitely not my best pregnancy. First off, I wasn’t focusing on my health at all and also THIS HEAT AND HUMIDITY!! I am so looking forward to an official autumn shift ?

I want to wrap this up by asking for lots of grace and forgiveness. I know I haven’t been myself this past year. Yet, I know that God doesn’t allow something to happen without there being a purpose. I pray I can be an example to those who need to take back their health when pharmaceuticals have taken them down a dark mental path. Remember, we are BODY, MIND, & SPIRIT. Without a doubt I can say that I know my mind and spirit were affected by what was happening to my body. It’s all connected.

Praying for you, my loves. Thank you for your sweet companionship.

Blessings!

I’m done with that.

That’s not who I am.

I kept hearing the Spirit drawing me back and I kept kinda putting Him off. I still loved His word, but not like I had before. I was tired, I was broken, I felt defeated. I had lost my trust in everyone, including my Creator.

Back in June 2018 we moved back to Nashville, TN (go ahead and read all about that in past posts 2013-2015, cause goodness, that was rough back then). In September 2018 I fell in a dark room at our new church and was rushed to the ER. I was taken into surgery, but we’ll chat about that later. That’s an entire blog series right there. Needless to say, I still haven’t properly moved into our new house. I was so doped up on drugs and literally couldn’t pick up anything so it is now 10 months since moving and I’m finally unpacking. And what did I come across? My favorite book outside of the Bible!

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp was the reason I began the Eucharisteo blog back in January 2011. Please read this book if you haven’t. It is dripping with hope and encouragement and Christ focus. I can’t believe it’s been 8 years. I began writing after reading this book and my life was filled with His Spirit.Here’s the thing, when you’re speaking God’s word out loud you can always expect that the enemy is near and is ready to attack. I should’ve seen it coming. I drifted. I allowed the troubles of the world to change me, but y’all, just because you get knocked down does not mean you have to stay there.

I don’t know what the new era of Eucharisteo looks like, because I want to be open to following His leading and that means being open to doing something else that He calls me to. Maybe writing about something I never would have even thought about.

I will still be the Christ loving, encouraging, life speaking Jennica you’ve always known. I guess I just wanted to welcome myself back. I’m looking forward to using my *real* camera again. As convenient as the cell phone is the quality just isn’t there.

Can I encourage you to begin a blog? You were created with a story and you should share it! I always used to think I was SO unique. Yet, the more I slow down and look around I see how incredibly similar we all are. You ARE unique, but we are all so exact as well. That’s not a bad thing, by any means. If you feel that tugging on your heart that you should write, DO IT. I don’t write properly and I expect autocorrect to help me more than I should. Yet, my mind is full of thoughts that I want to put down and share with others. Who knows if one thing that you write changes somebody’s day or life! Some may appreciate your writing and others may not. I see it as not everybody loves Jesus and not everybody needs to love me. I’m really not all that great, but if I can give you a slimmer of hope and encouragement then that is my joy.

If you have a blog please comment it below. I’d love to check it out!

With all of that being said, I’m so happy to be back. I was writing over at Restoring Moms for a bit, but I will be transferring all of that over here and will likely give this site a facelift.

I love you all and will be praying for all of you.

Blessings ?

I’ve been struggling with whether or not I wanted to write an end of the year post here. Alas, I finally chose to share my thoughts. Only because I have found so many others walking the same path we have.

Nothing was horrendous about 2017. 2016 took care of that for us. 2016 was the shock of a lifetime. The warning of “do not trust men” (meaning any human being). We were taught that not everything that glitters is always gold. Sometimes it’s just fools gold and that’s all it is. It’s pretty on the outside but it’s just a rock.

2017 has been the year of learning. The year of going back to our true Christian roots and escaping the lies we believed from the modern day Pharisees. I feel like this has been a year of training. Building up of our Christian muscles. Re-learning to rely fully on Him and not on ourselves. I’m always shocked when I hear of others who are going through something so similar. All these years I’ve thought “nobody understands.” That’s so not true. When you are struggling with something I promise you, there is somebody near you who has already or is currently going through the same thing. I believe that is why we walk through valleys. That is where we learn and what the Lord will use in the future to help others near us.

Maybe He’s preparing us for a spiritual battle. No, I promise He is. He is absolutely preparing us for battle. Every moment of every day is a spiritual battle. Be prepared at all times to fight the enemy with God’s word. You will need the…

Belt of truth
Breastplate of righteousness
Shoes of the gospel
Shield of faith
Helmet of salvation
Sword of the Spirit
Prayer
{Ephesians 6:10-18}

With what we’ve gone through these past two years I tell my kids that maybe the Lord was protecting them from a similar deceitful type situation/person in their future. “Don’t forget what we’ve gone through,” I tell them. “Don’t waste this opportunity to learn.”

I do look eagerly to 2018. I’m not sure what the future holds, only that God holds the future and I know He is always tending to His sheep. I am so thankful for His love, guidance, and His provision. Praying for each of you who is reading this that this new year will grow you more like Him.

Blessings to you my sweet friends!

Photo by

Recently I’ve been thinking about the past a lot. Like, how when I had only a couple kids. How I would cook meals, clean house, go on walks, go to the gym, journal, etc. It’s just not the same anymore and it bothers me. Yes, I’ve added five more children to that amount, but I’m not convinced that’s what’s changed. Then it clicked.

It’s Facebook.

We’re in this HURRY UP mindset now. Cause goodness, if something happens you HAVE to post about it RIGHT NOW! If somebody messages you you MUST respond RIGHT NOW!

I can’t do it anymore. I have been blessed with a beautiful family that sees my face in my phone all. the. flippin. time. Or we’ll get into the car to go somewhere, but “hold on, let me respond really quick.”

Calm down. Step back. The world does not turn on an axis of you.

It’s time we put the breaks on all this social media. It’s a drug. There have been times when my life has been improved because of the internet. Thank you, Pinterest. There are times also when my life has been ruined.

Let’s call it what it is, social media is a time sucker. I mean, look at me, I’m writing a blog post hoping to reach those who have been thinking the same. I want to help you escape from the deathly social media drug addiction.

Turn your phone off.

Turn on Do Not Disturb.

Put your phone on airplane mode.

Have your children hide your phone if you have to! They will probably happily oblige.

I have made social media hours that I’m trying to adhere to because I only get my kids living in my house for so long. I want to enjoy as many moments as I can! So for 2-3 hours every day (except Sundays) I’m going to tell my children that this is Mama Time. Conveniently I’ve chosen napping hours for them at that time.

So what is it that you need to change? What do you miss doing that social media has taken over? For me, I miss reading fiction books! I miss family meals without phones. I miss using my bloody expensive real camera.

I’m thankful for the internet when it comes to driving directions, paying bills, ordering goods, meeting new friends, running a business, getting recipes, etc.

There are pros and cons to everything. It’s all about learning how to dance with what you want to do and knowing what you need to let go of.

Blessings!

I have a hot thread going on my Facebook page about this but thought I’d just go ahead and throw a post up because…well…because.

Have you heard of the band Twenty One Pilots?

I am obsessed. Thought it was cool when I found out we used to go to church with the drummer. Of course, he was like 11 years old at the time, but still.

Their music. Their lyrics. The most christian lyrics I’ve ever heard. The artistry knows no bounds. I cry at almost every single song.

As somebody who has struggled the majority of my life with depressing thoughts. Thoughts no person should ever have. Thoughts that only the enemy could have put in my head with the intent of destroying me. These lyrics they sing are felt out. They are deep. They almost always point you to God. Nearly every single song.

One of my most favorites is Holding Onto You. My current favorite that had me crying while driving home the other day is Johnny Boy.

“I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame”

That’s God singing to His children.

Dang, I’m crying even writing that.

I am so thankful that God put these lyrics in them to share with all of us. So much hate in this world and here you have two men singing to reach others who are where, I assume, they’ve been. You don’t sing with that much passion and with those kind of lyrics without knowing the pain and without knowing the hope there is to be had.

Well, this wasn’t a thought out post so I may write about them again later. I mean, I could write an entire post about each and every song.

Even Taco Bell Saga.

Ok, so not all their songs are pointing to God.

And for those who have never heard that one, you’re welcome

It’s bedtime now, so till next time.

Blessings!

One sin.

That’s all it takes.

One sin can destroy so many.

I began writing this post a while ago but I want to address a current situation in the news. Hugh Hefner died. You guys, I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know how he created Play Boy. I don’t know what his thought life was like. I can assume he was not a Christian. But I know absolutely nothing of him. He’s not somebody I’ve ever spent time looking into. All I know is that he alone did not cause so many to sin. Hugh did not become famous on his own. It was all of his customers that made him famous. He did not force anybody to buy his magazines. People were eager to indulge their flesh and he saw a money making opportunity. Was it wrong of him? Absolutely! But it was personal choice that caused these sexual sins. Personal choice is what destroyed families. Personal choice is what scarred memories and ruined futures. We simply can not put our blame on somebody else. When we sin, we need to own it.

We take sin so lightly sometimes. Yet all it takes is one solitary sin to destroy multitudes. It effects so many. There are ripples that touch and scar those who are close to us and those we may never know. Dreams could be torn apart. Families could be rampaged. Sin has one mission and that is to kill and destroy. Let’s remember, always, that old sins cast long shadows. Though one small sin may seem gone and never to be heard of again, it may be effecting so many years later. We never know.

Repentance is so important and yet so foreign in this day and age. It’s so easy to hide behind our screens and act like our lives are Instagram perfect. To repentant is to accept that what we’ve done was evil in God’s sight. To apologize and seek forgiveness from those we have damaged.

When we see the light we are never the same again. Ever. Our eyes are no longer on ourselves, our sight is on making Him look greater. I saw a church billboard the other day that was spot on.

“Sin is like a credit card. Enjoy now. Pay later.”

Oh but that payment. We can try and pay but we will never ever be able to cover the payments. Only One can pay. And it’s up to ourselves whether we allow Him to cover our dirtiness with His love.

To see a truly repentant man is to see one who hates what his choice to sin has done. Who chooses to use his wrong doing to help others to not make the same wicked choice. We could all go about sinning and apologizing. But the beauty in helping others out of their current or possible future sin is lost. We have the ability to reach somebody now and protect them from going down the same dangerous road we walked. We need to be the light that they need to guide them towards their true Protector.

God can make beauty from ashes. But those ashes are wide spread. Wider than we may ever know. Influence others with Christ’s love while you can because we don’t deserve it. We don’t deserve such a loving Father. We deserve Hell. But because of His grace, love, and forgiveness we have the ability to change our lives and so many others.

Sin is self focused, but no sin is beyond the forgiveness of God.

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Galatians 5:13

Blessings!

I’m writing this carefully and without photos because I will straight up cry. I attempted to find some photos from a few years ago and it made my heart sink.

If you guys read through my posts from our time in Tennessee you’ll see I was struggling. Pretty darn deep. I was never diagnosed with anything (remember, I don’t like being put in a box anyhow). So let me try to describe what my daily *thought life* was like.

I was being punished.

I was alone.

I wanted to be happy but I didn’t know what that was like.

I cried.

A lot.

I carried so much on myself.

I wanted to leave.

I felt we made a huge mistake.

Those less than 2 years were horrible. Absolutely horrible. And I’d give anything to go back. I was struggling in my health and didn’t even realize it. Don’t get me wrong, I went and saw doctor after doctor nearly every week. Maybe I wanted attention? Of course, nothing was wrong according to them.

Here’s where they were WRONG.

My gut was a cesspool. There was bacteria and all sorts of nastiness making MY BODY it’s home. I never would have believed that my stomach and bowels would have such a dramatic effect on my emotional state.

I READ my Bible! I prayed without ceasing! Wasn’t I doing enough???

MY loves, we are so beautifully and intricately made, we must take care of our temples. Our prayer life, our thought life, our spiritual life can all be effected. And the enemy knows. He knows. Why do you think the grocery store shelves are filled with sugars? Watch me, I’m not blaming the grocery stores, I’m blaming the enemy.

My thought life dramatically changed when I began Plexus. I wasn’t expecting that at all. I just wanted more energy. But when my thought life changed. When I stopped crying and locking myself in my room. My children got their mom back. My husband got his wife back. My friends got me back. I was no longer calling them to vent. God answered their prayers in a way I never would’ve believed.

The inside of me needed cleaned out. Who would have thought. I didn’t have to steal those memories from my family.

But let me tell you this, had somebody told me, “hey, this will help you.” I would have looked them in the eyes and said, “You don’t know me! You don’t know what I’m dealing with! This is a spiritual battle!” And technically, it was.

Nowadays, my daily routine involves Plexus, adaptogens, nutritionally dense food, fermented foods, and TONS OF WATER!!! Still lots of prayer. Still getting in His word. Still receiving counseling from friends.

To be honest with you, we’re going through something very similar to when we were in Tennessee. We’re looking to move back to Tennessee and I do wonder if I’m being punished for having been such a headache the last time we were there. The difference this time is that I know how to chase those thoughts away.

I know God has us where we are for a reason and I know He’s taking care of us. But, because I know of so many others who are where I was and are dealing with those same hellacious thoughts, I have to let you know what personally helped me. I don’t want to see somebody drowning and just walk away hoping they find a raft. I’m throwing the life saver out to you now. Please, get in touch with me. I’m not a certified counselor but my heart is to be there for others. My love, you’re not alone. We go through experiences to help others! Let me help you. I would love to pray for you. Message me and allow me to add you to my daily prayers. Let me help you on a new health journey that you didn’t know was possible. I’m considering attempting a meal plan, that may be a while. But be patient, it will be worth it.

We were not created to live life alone. Let’s lift each other up during these difficult times.

Blessings!