eurojism http://www.eurojism.com toss from the continent Wed, 04 Feb 2009 11:15:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 en hourly 1 eurojismhttp://feedburner.google.com Dubious Answers - where we live now http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/ryKkBipdE6Y/ http://www.eurojism.com/2009/dubious-answers-where-we-live-now/#comments Wed, 04 Feb 2009 11:15:30 +0000 EJ http://www.eurojism.com/?p=76 We’re very happy to say that the team at EJ have moved onwards and upwards and we’re now providing full-time administrative support to Dubious George over at Dubious Answers.

George is a peculiar fellow in that he’s able to answer any question you throw at him, with startling accuracy, most of the time. He’s erudite, well informed and always on hand to help. If you need a question answered, you could do a lot worse than swinging on by to Dubious Answers and asking him a question.


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2009/dubious-answers-where-we-live-now/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2009/dubious-answers-where-we-live-now/ Eurovision poetry from Malta http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/vdlBImOV2Yc/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/eurovision-poetry-from-malta/#comments Tue, 20 May 2008 14:40:21 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=72 Morena has come up with a great tune called “Vodka”.

It will be showcased at the Eurovision song contest this weekend and it’s getting my vote. Many thanks to recalcitrant and lazy fellow Brussels blogger Kim Bah Lee for the tip.

It’s a thing of beauty. It took three men and two months to come up with the lyrics, apart from the “hey hey hey hey hey” bits. Those took a bit longer


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/eurovision-poetry-from-malta/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/eurovision-poetry-from-malta/ Rick Astley - most brilliant thing on the internet today http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/PCOYQerXZcw/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/rick-astley-most-brilliant-thing-on-the-internet-today/#comments Fri, 09 May 2008 15:47:34 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=71


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/rick-astley-most-brilliant-thing-on-the-internet-today/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/rick-astley-most-brilliant-thing-on-the-internet-today/ “A vast crook or elaborate apeman? Icy or TV?” http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/DRdEL4Gvqdk/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/a-vast-crook-or-elaborate-apeman-icy-or-tv/#comments Fri, 09 May 2008 15:08:08 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=70 Today’s important news headlines in the form of anagram …

“I am now unhurried as brutalizes”

= UN halts Burma aid in seizure row

“That whale-like subverter boozes”

= Hezbollah takes over west Beirut

“Joy! Scold proud zestful G-string”

= Judge prolongs Fritzl’s custody

“Green Patrol apparent stinkpot. And so spoofing”

= Pentagon Drops Post in Pakistan for Top General

“A vast crook or elaborate apeman? Icy or TV?”

= “Race Over or Not, Obama Takes a Victory Lap”

“Mean idea man … shrewd angels”*

Thanks a lot to Stearnest Meanings for doing all the work for me …

Your suggestions, as always, very welcome …

*anagrammed news headlines


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/a-vast-crook-or-elaborate-apeman-icy-or-tv/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/a-vast-crook-or-elaborate-apeman-icy-or-tv/ Google and statistically improbable phrases http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/63rYfdr2ayk/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/google-and-statistically-improbable-phrases/#comments Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:11:11 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=67 Smacked up my donkeyRealising that “smacked up my donkey” returned zero Google results, Eurojism decided it had to become nr. 1 at something. So here goes with a list of statistically improbably phrases which will see advertising revenue for obscure word combinations go through the roof. All of the below phrases (with inverted commas) result in ZERO Google search results.

Who would have thought we could have so much fun in one day?

“smacked up my donkey”

There was actually one result for “smacked my donkey“. Only one. Can you believe that? Guess that people smacking up their donkeys don’t spend a lot of time on the internet.

“snorted strawberry juice”

Purely autobiographical this one. Some kid bet me that I wouldn’t snort strawberry juice. So I did. I snorted strawberry juice. That’s a story for another time.

“dusted his index finger”

“smelled like wet cake”

“recounted his feet”

“vowed never to darn again“, “creeping about in his eye“, “hemorrhoids are tasty“, “trickled like spunk” … etc etc bored now Dad can I go and play?

That’s all for now! Your suggestions welcome, as always, in the comments section!


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/google-and-statistically-improbable-phrases/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/google-and-statistically-improbable-phrases/ Tintin http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/4NGi6HDWMoQ/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/tintin/#comments Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:29:55 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=65 Tintin has an N up his arse


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/tintin/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/tintin/ Wanna cyber? A guide to internet sex http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/itLztLRYnXE/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/wanna-cyber-a-guide-to-internet-sex/#comments Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:28:17 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=64 How long has it been since you last had some “cyber”? Perhaps you’re feeling out of practice? Never fear! Eurojism is here to show you how to have great, safe time on the internet chat room with this handy cut-out-and-keep guide.

Below are some stock phrases that you should use when asked to join in on some “sexy-time”:

  • I’m rubbing brasso all over my donkey hole.
  • I’m having a crap as I write this.
  • I’ve got three fingers stuck in an open wound on my left thigh and I’m snorting a mixture of petrol and sherbert.
  • I’ve sunk three Viagra and half a bottle of washing up liquid. I’m puking bubbles etc etc …
  • My Filipina nurse has left the kitchen door open and there’s a sexy draught.
  • Do you speak to your mother with those fingers?
  • How much for ten-minutes standing up?
  • My armpit has never been so smooth … or RADIANT!
  • Mmm … lick my teeth. No, not the incisor, the molar.
  • I have a small mole on my cock. Can you call pest control?

There we go! Have a fun sexy and SAFE time! I’d love to hear your suggestions! Leave them in the comments below …

Tarata for now!


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/wanna-cyber-a-guide-to-internet-sex/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/wanna-cyber-a-guide-to-internet-sex/ My Virtual Assistant works a 4 Hour Work Week http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/XtHjkotkJCU/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/my-virtual-assistant-works-a-4-hour-work-week/#comments Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:50:58 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=63 The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss changed my life. I outsourced everything to a Virtual Assistant, Raj, in India.

Raj has read the book as well. He’s a lazy pikey eejit. He works no more than four hours in a week. Ever.

This is an honest-to-god-not-making this up Skype exchange between me and him from yesterday:

VA says: whats up man
VA says: wish i would b woking with your”l over there
VA says: but i can work like this remotely till the end in your company
VA says: Hi gOOd mOOring U sEE 2dAY mACTH Mumbai indain v/s Herabad
Eurojism says: cricket?
VA says: 2DAY IS DLF Indian Premier League MACTH BEWT MUMBAI INDIAN AND HADABAD
EJ says: cricket?
VA says: YES
VA says: DO U PLAY CRICKET?
EJ says: I am the best spin bowler in Belgium
VA says: OO U R NOT WACTING THE MACTH 2DAY DLF IT NOT BEWT THE COUNTRYS BUT ALL THE PLAYERS AROUND THE WORLD R PLAYING
VA says: lESLEY IS UR SNAME
VA says: IT”S FIRST NAME & ITS GIRLS
VA says: U DONT ENJOY WORKING
VA says: IF U ENJOY WORKING THEN ONLY U ENJOY EVRYDAY N U FELLING LIKE COMEING 2 WORK EVERYDAY EXPECT SAT SUNDAY
VA says: PUT SOME MUSIC N WORK PLAY IT SLOW
VA says: HAAA
VA says: Doctor, doctor, please kiss me,” says the patient.
VA says: “No, I’m sorry, that would be against the code of ethics,” says the doctor.
VA says: Ten minutes later the patient says: “Doctor, please, kiss me just once.”
VA says: No, I’m sorry, I just can’t” he says.
VA says: Five minutes later, she asks again: “Please, please kiss me!”
VA says: “Look,” says the doctor, “it’s out of the question. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even be f***ing you.
VA says: why do women have legs?
VA says: have you ever seen the mess that slugs leave behind!??
VA says: What does a woman of 40 have between her breasts that a woman of 20doesn’t?
VA says: I NO U WANT ANS
VA says: IT”S A belly-button!
VA says: want 2 see macth
VA says: is started

Then he went home. My tax returns didn’t get done and I was ten dollars poorer.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere …


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/my-virtual-assistant-works-a-4-hour-work-week/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/my-virtual-assistant-works-a-4-hour-work-week/ Richard Quest and methamphetamine http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/tYpD-uCjpsQ/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/richard-quest-and-methamphetamine/#comments Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:48:09 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=59 A poem by Bebop McCluskey, aged 27.42

Richard Quest, my favourite anchor
Turned out to be a bit of a wanker
But I forgive you, it’s not nice
To be victimized ‘cos you liked your ice.

You had a rope tied round your cock
And round your neck, but what bad luck
To be caught in a park when it was closed
Bet you wish you’d stayed at home.

Richard Quest, you made my day
So much better, in your own gay way
You were flamboyant, but never too cool
Like the geek in the corner when I was at school.

Richard Quest, can you lend me some money?
I want to go whoring and need some drugs.

So there we go! That’s all from Bebop McCluskey this week!

Just remember, in the words of Richard Quest himself “let’s face it a visit to NY is always electric. I can hear the NY Tourism people almost clapping with joy.”


]]> http://www.eurojism.com/2008/richard-quest-and-methamphetamine/feed/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/richard-quest-and-methamphetamine/ How to speak German in ten minutes http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/eurojism/~3/jUtsAA36bCY/ http://www.eurojism.com/2008/how-to-speak-german-in-ten-minutes/#comments Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:12:21 +0000 EJ http://eurojism.com/?p=57 Going on holiday to Germany? Perhaps a weekend in Neu-schwanz-stein? Or the Oktoberfest in Munich? You don’t speak a word of German and afraid you might inadvertently end up at a bottom slapping party or one of their crazy book-burnings?

Eurojism is a BIG FAN of  Miss Verständnis, she is one HOT Antipodean. Boy, would we like to play hide the schnitzel with her! You’ll probably want to as well, so let’s crack on …

Don’t speak a word of Deutsch? Never fear! Eurojism is here with a helpful guide to speaking German like a native …

In the hotel

Can you sort me out with a hooker, dear concierge?
Ich will ein Frau für Fucken, bitte.

I shat all over my bedsheets.
Ich shatte alle über meine BettShitten, bitte.

She was dead when I got here.
Sie war Deaden wann ich Angekommen hier, mein Hair.

At the train station

Where might I procure a gypsy child as a domestic employee? Are they cheaper than at home?
Wo kann Ich ein Gypsy Kind kaufen, bitte? Sind Sie billiger als back Hause?

One way to Auschwitz please.
Mazel Tov, bitte

Do I need an extra ticket for my sausage?
Muss ich ein Extraticket für mein Würst kaufen?

In the restaurant

My sausage was decidedly under-par, can I speak to the manager?
Mein Würst was Scheisse. Kann ich sprechen mit der Gauleiter?

Does the waitress do “special favours”?
Kann ich der Waitress fucken?

The bill, please.
Polizei, bitte.

And there we go! Tune in next week for “How to speak French in ten minutes”!

Bis bald!


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