I spent the months of December, January and part of February offline and out of my office recovering from extensive surgery. Truth be told, it was life-saving, life-changing surgery. And that made it non-negotiable. For women like me, non-negotiable is often the only way self-care gets done.

We power-charging women don’t like to think about being on injured reserve. We’ve got too much to do and too many people depending on us. But the reality is, it happens. And it happens while we’re busy doing other things. It’s called life.

And for those of us over the age of 40, it’s a reality that grows more likely with each passing tick of the clock. The risk is there for even the healthiest and well-balanced of women, but I know many more women like me who are juggling an inordinate number of plates in the air at any given moment, and that reality’s a bitch.

That reality means when we least expect it and can least afford it, an illness or injury crops up that requires our attention. Requires our self-care. And all those plates we’d precariously balanced in the air come tumbling down.

I don’t have the best track record for self-care, or for stopping to smell the proverbial flowers. Like many women, given a choice I’d run the engine until the service light came on.

This time around, however, I got smarter. I decided to heed the advice of those docs in white coats who were telling me I’d need a good eight to nine weeks to recover. The first few weeks in the hospital I had no choice but to listen, but once I was home an amazing thing happened – I kept listening. Not so much to the medical professionals, but to something I’d never given much credence to in the past: My body. It let me know when I needed to rest (and I needed to rest a lot). It told me when I needed some exercise, when I needed to eat, when I needed to connect with others. It told me when I needed to simply do nothing (and I did nothing a lot).

And as the days and weeks went by, the connection between my mind and my body grew more simpatico. They became BFFs. And my energy in mind and body began to grow exponentially. At first I was only working an hour a day. Walking to the mailbox and back. Reading one page of a book. Gradually, like a flower unfolding and expanding, my reservoir of strength began to blossom and I began to feel like my old self. Only better.

What would have happened if I hadn’t listened to the experts? If I’d decided to push myself beyond my capabilities at a time when I was most vulnerable? Craziness? Foolishness? Absolutely. Yet that’s what many midlife business women do because of a belief system that says: “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done” or it won’t be done to our satisfaction. We have a very hard time relinquishing our responsibilities to others, but it’s important to remember that we have a responsibility to ourselves as well.

And as much as it might hurt to admit it, while I was out on R & R the world kept turning without me. Things kept getting done. Time kept marching forward, and when I was ready, it welcomed me back as if I’d never been away.

Are you guilty of short-changing your self-care? How does it show up in your life? What’s one thing you can do today to take better care of yourself? Your answers will help so many other women like you, so please share!

• Dare I Talk About the “Midlife FAT Cell”?
• A Search for Significance
• Explorations on the Journey of Midlife

This week’s blog post is by Laura Calandrella, Impact Accelerator, Coach and Consultant.  Laura helps conscious millennial women become leaders in social enterprise, philanthropy and socially responsible ventures.  You can find her at www.lauracalandrella.com

We all want to make a difference.  I know this after working with people from all walks of life – young and old, rich and poor, from the United States to the most remote corners of Africa.  We all want to wake up in the morning and feel part of something that is bigger than us.  We want to use our greatest strengths and gifts to leave the world a better place than we found it.

As someone who works with women who are ready to implement world-shifting visions, I often get asked the question, “How can I help?”

To which I often reply, “Why do you want to?”

Knowing how is often less important than knowing why.  All too often we start with a feeling that we want to serve and then jump immediately into action.  (Or we sit on the edge of the pool with our feet dangling in the water, but never truly commit to jump in.)  Asking how can definitely evoke action, but does it really inspire it?

On the other hand, asking the question why cuts to the heart of what matters.  It challenges you to get clear on what is important to you.  It digs deep for the experiences that have shaped your life.  It unearths the values that drive your life and work.  With these answers in hand, the hows, the whens, and the whats become so much clearer.

The key to loving what you do and doing what matters begins with asking, “Why do I do what I do?”

Answering this question shouldn’t be an exercise in existential pondering, but a true exploration of what matters to you.  Your answers should bring you to a place of deeper awareness of what is true about you, so that you can choose a powerfully aligned path.

There are three steps that will reveal your why.  Follow these to align your intentions with actions and get going on doing great work.

1.  Start with values.  You may have a list of values that drive you, but how intimate are you with them?  Can you feel them right now alive in your body?  Your core values aren’t just words, they are the key to living a fulfilling life.  They are your guideposts for living authentically.  They are determined from the inside out – so they actually begin with your senses rather than with words.  And without knowing them – and honoring them – the pursuit of loving what you do will be futile.

How to find your values: Record yourself for 5-10 minutes talking about a peak experience in your life.  Recall a time when you felt like the universe was conspiring to have you experience life at its fullest.  What were you doing?  Who were you with?  How did you feel?  Give as much detail as you can about that time.  Play back the recording and listen as an objective third party.  If I were to ask you, “What’s important to this person?”  What would you say?  These are the first clues to your values.

2.  Find your moment of commitment.  There comes a time in life when we know that we are called to be and do something more.  It is a moment (or a series of moments) when we can clearly see our truest gifts and strengths being used for the greater good.  In that moment we commit to make a difference.  We may not know the how, but we definitely know why.  Your moment may have come through a volunteer experience, through a trip halfway around the world, or through a new experience of a hobby or daily practice that you have always found exhilarating.

What was your moment of commitment?  Look for the answer in the experiences that led to your desire to make a difference.  What experiences have given you the ability to dream big?  What qualities/gifts/strengths are most strongly present when you feel successful, useful, or in flow with your work?

 3.  Describe a future that you want to create.  Loving what you do and doing what matters is anchored in a strong picture of the future.  Being able to have a clear picture of where you are headed (and what difference it will make) is critical to staying motivated and inspired.  Not to mention, knowing where you are headed gives you the ability to strategize, devise an action plan and finally get to the how.

What does the future look like?  Imagine that it is 10 years into the future.  A national publication has called you to talk about the work that you do and the impact that you have made.  They want to publish your story on the front cover.  What are they saying about you?  What have you accomplished?  Who did you work with?  What were your contributions?  What publication was this published in?

Loving what you do and doing what matters starts with why.  Truly making a difference and creating lasting impact is most sustainable when it comes from within.  The world is waiting for you to let it out.

• Alchemist, Gardener or Vagabond Traveler – What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up (Again)?
• A Search for Significance
• A Simple Question to Change Your Life – If You Embrace the Answer

This week’s guest post is an audio recording created exclusively for InnerAffluence.com by Toni Reece, host of The Toni Reece Show on Boomer Generation Radio, and founder of The People Academy,  whose mission is to awaken people to all their possibilities; at work, at play – in life. Toni is all about storytelling – yours, hers and mine, and how our passions and our purpose are so affected by these stories.

Today, Toni looks at how Boomerangers (post-graduation adults who return home to live) suffering from what psychologists refer to as a “quarter-life crisis” directly impact their Baby Boomer parents who may very well be going through a crisis of their own – of the “midlife” variety. Sound like all the makings of a generational boxing match?

The quarter-life crisis is a period of life following the major changes of adolescence (usually ranging from the late teens to the early thirties) in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult.  People experiencing a quarter life crisis often feel “lost, scared, lonely or confused” about what steps to take in order to transition properly into adulthood. Parents who fall in the Baby Boomer generation are dealing with similar challenges, and with the economic downturn so firmly entrenched here in the U.S. for the past several years, unemployment or under-employment definitely adds fuel to their already fertile doubts and fears.

Listen in as Toni talks frankly about what works, and doesn’t work, when different generations of adults live under one roof, and how there is always the opportunity to jettison the societal labels and come together in a way that works.

Evelyn Kalinosky Guest Blog – Quarter Life meets Mid Life -Toni Reece

• Explorations on the Journey of Midlife
• Midlife in Your Face: Me Versus Reality and the Stunning Shocker of Who Won the Fight
• Midlife – A “Do Over” for Career Women

This week’s guest blog post is by Kate Williams, Small & Local Business Champion who owns Social Biz Local Biz: Social media and internet marketing solutions for local businesses. www.SocialBizLocalBiz.com

I experienced the first half of my life as a journey out of the cold and darkness of an unguided childhood into my adult roles of worker, mother, friend and wife. Those roles gave me the gift of choices to make and a growing practical wisdom informed by the consequences of those choices.

Fortunately, I found some wise friends and teachers along the way, and supported my journey across many bridges over chasms of despair and depression with the gift of time to learn and competency, intelligence and curiosity.

Now, in the second half of my life, there are some new challenges (and some worn, familiar challenges) to be met in new ways. What I have discovered just recently is that time no longer feels like a gift that offers learning and growth and a journey with new views ahead and around every bend. The hourglass has been turned and now time feels more like it is offering a different and unfamiliar gift.

The knowledge and skills acquired in the first half of my life are not adequate to face and live the challenges of the second half.

In her book, The Second Half of Life: Opening the Eight Gates of Wisdom, Angeles Arrien conceptualizes the second half of life as “the ultimate initiation” with “four broad frontiers to face“:

• Retirement: from what, toward what?
• The possibility of becoming a mentor, a steward, or a grandparent.
• Coping with the natural challenges of maintaining the health of an aging body.
• Mortality: losing our loved ones, and the inevitability of our own death.

I’ve only barely begun a deep investigation of the four frontiers and eight gates of initiation Arrien describes, but even the beginning is full of opportunities to deepen the experience of life in these “second half” years of my life.

Knocking at the Gate of a New Beginning

“Perseverance is a great element of success.

If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate,

you are sure to wake up something or somebody.”

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I have come to this gate repeatedly in the past ten years, the years of my journey in my fifth decade, and find myself knocking boldly and then turning away. I find that I am frightened, not accepting. I am afraid of loneliness, loss, depression, and decline. I am not yet able to accept the aging of my body and mind. It is dismaying to me to face a future without the anticipation of the excitement I used to feel when the unknown seemed to promise new, fresh experience just around the corner.

The task for me now is to lean into this gate “connected to sources of hope and inspiration” and step across the threshold past the symptoms of my disconnection from what is meaningful and vital. I know that there are significant endings of things once so important to me:

• My professional career, always an island of competency and meaningful work as well as income (which seems to be ending no matter how mightily I grip it and dig my heels in to stay attached while it gallops away);
• A long term relationship turning from a gift of safety and security to an outgrown and constricting place of judgment;
• And, my role as mother, grandmother and friend where physical distance denies me my usual ways to stay connected and contributing.

The Fire of Mid-Life Transformation

I am only at the beginning of knocking at the gate of a new beginning and adventure. In Arrien’s Second Half of Life, she presents Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ graphic description of the fire of transformation:

“Deep in the wintry parts of our minds, we are hardy stock and know there is no such thing as work-free transformation. We know that we will have to burn to the ground in one way or another, and then sit right in the ashes of who we once thought we were and go on from there.”

Arriens describes the Gate as the challenge we encounter, opening the Gate as working with the barrier or challenge at the threshold and crossing the threshold as the process of Transformation, the fire. The first piece of work for me at the Gate seems to be a question for reflection.

The question that seems to call to me to be reflected upon at this stage is a question of “return”: What do I want to return to that I have found meaningful and effective in my work? How can I apply that effectiveness to the issues I face now (physical limitations, underemployment, loss of relationships)? What actions can be taken towards effective “return”?

What helps you to re-connect to your regenerative forces, sources of inspiration, hope and creativity? How do you stay connected? Please share that wisdom with me while I persevere in knocking at the Silver Gate.

• A Simple Question to Change Your Life – If You Embrace the Answer
• A Search for Significance
• Explorations on the Journey of Midlife

This week’s guest blog post is by Linda Mickle, Nurse Practitioner and trusted adviser who helps exhausted, stressed, burned out entrepreneurs shift from Symptoms to Solutions to Success. www.TheHealthyBusinessWoman.com.

Having turned 56 recently, broaching the topic of midlife seemed natural to me.  Typically around my birthday I look back at where the journey of my life has taken me, what I have accomplished and learned, and where I want the coming years to take me.  So here’s my retrospective.

The Early Forties

I started thinking back on what I was doing in my mid-forties. In some ways it seems like just yesterday. I had ended a long term relationship and was taking stock of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

I decided to return to graduate school to obtain a Master’s Degree in Nursing as a Nurse Practitioner. I had been working full time in a hospital as a RN since I was twenty and could clearly see that I wanted more autonomy with my career over the long term.  It seemed like a natural progression.

So off to school I went, and within a short three years I was a NP.  Then came the learning curve of taking on all the responsibility that a NP takes on, and boy was that an awakening.  I wanted autonomy and I surely got it.  Baptism by fire they call it.

The Mid Forties

Soon after I started working as a Nurse Practitioner I started to have health challenges – not uncommon for women at this age.  I’d been dealing with a genetic kidney disease since my mid-twenties and then I really started having health setbacks and soon found myself on dialysis.  I was working a full time job and did the type of dialysis you do at home.  And I commuted two hours a day to work.  And I tried to have a social life and some semblance of normalcy.  And I did that for five years – yes, five years. One foot in front of the other.  Onward ho!  P.S. I don’t recommend pushing yourself as hard as I pushed myself during this time.

The Late Forties

Then I received the blessing of a kidney transplant.  I thought that would be the be-all-and-end-all of my problems, yet it brought on its own set of challenges and I was unable to return to work due to complications after the surgery.

Wow!  That knocked me on my proverbial butt!  Girl, did I struggle with “who am I if I am not the nurse practitioner that takes care of patients and shows up for work every day ready to solve problems for others?”  It was now time for me to show up for ME and solve my OWN problems and figure out who I was. This time was a true journey of the Dark Night of the Soul for me.  It was a true Sacred Pause.

I went on a journey to find myself.  Now mind you, while I was in the midst of the process, I thought this was the worst possible thing that could have happened to me.  Then, slowly but surely, I began to find my way, a new way to my new self.  Not the nurse, not the sick person, but the full me.  Therein was the gift.

The Early Fifties

I joined a Women’s Group, did 1:1 therapy.  I learned about the Enneagram and my personality type.  I learned Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.  I became a HeartMath Instructor.  I did massage, Reiki, craniosacral, acupuncture, and Chi Gong. I went to sweat lodges and worked with a Shaman.  I went to church. I traveled and explored nature.  I played with my dogs. I became a volunteer for Hospice. I went back to school and became a Certified Life Coach.

The Mid Fifties

It hasn’t been until now that I find myself able to synthesize all of my experiences to come to a place of wisdom, a place of experience and knowing. Somehow things seemed to come together to a place of peace and serenity, and most importantly, a true knowing of my purpose on this planet and how I plan to move forward to bring that to fruition.

Lessons Learned

I share this story with you in hopes that you will see there was no linear path, no straight line that I followed to get from where I was to where I am today.  The best advice I can give you about midlife is to be open to what shows up, listen to your heart, be curious, try new things, ask yourself questions, check out your responses, follow your intuition and trust yourself.

These are the qualities I called upon in the midst of meandering along my path, and I am quite pleased with where I have landed. I love my life and am grateful for all of my experiences, the good, the bad, and the challenging. They all make me who I am today. I wonder what’s next?…

• Midlife in Your Face: Me Versus Reality and the Stunning Shocker of Who Won the Fight
• Dare I Talk About the “Midlife FAT Cell”?
• Midlife – A “Do Over” for Career Women

This week’s guest blog post is by Sandy Martini, Small Business Mentor and Strategic Marketing Expert. Sandy brings her years of hands-on business and marketing experience to help passionate, yet struggling, small business owners realize their dreams of creating a business which supports their desired lifestyle. More time. More profits. More life. www.sandramartini.com.

It’s amazing. . .when we’re little kids, lots of people ask what/who we want to be when we grow up.

And then the question stops.

Whether we’ve gone to college and picked something, or got a job straight out of high school, many stop asking “What/who do I want to be when I grow up?”

And often, when approaching (or having reached) middle age, we think it’s too late to change.  Too late to embrace the dreams we had as a little girl. Too late even for the dreams we formed more recently when we decided we didn’t want to be a lawyer, executive, whatever.

What if we embraced each day with the question “Who am I?” not defined by our job or business, but rather by our values, our integrity, our innermost desires and dreams?

• Who would you be today?
• How would things change?

Let’s take it a step further.  The average person spends most of her waking hours at work/business or preparing for it/commuting.   Does your job/business support who you truly are?  If not, what needs to change to embrace your inner most self?

What’s your first step?

Are you smiling yet?  Smiling with the thought of allowing yourself to be who you truly are?

• When Did I Become the Oldest Woman in the Room?
• Alchemist, Gardener or Vagabond Traveler – What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up (Again)?
• A Search for Significance

This week’s guest post is by Entrepreneur Mentor, Marie-Jeanne Juilland. You can find her on Twitter: @mjjuilland and LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mariejeannejuilland.

As a mentor for corporate escapees who’ve now opted to pursue the entrepreneurial life, I don’t usually advise on menopause. But I do talk a lot about self-care with my clients. And as I’m finding out myself at age 51 – and as I head toward menopause – self care is all the more critical at this time in our life.

So let me ask you: Anyone besides me finding they’ve suddenly put on 10, maybe 15lbs without any changes in their diet or exercise? And that weight is not budging even if you double your exercise and cut back on your food.  What on earth is going on?

Enter the Midlife FAT Cell.

What I’ve now learned is that the role of our fat cells is absolutely key to our self care at midlife. Why? Simple biology: our ovaries are no longer producing estrogen like they used to – and estrogen is not just for fertility, it’s key for womens’ brains, bones, skin, heart and many other organs. So when our ovaries slow down – who comes to the rescue? You guessed it, FAT cells. These lovelies are also designed to produce estrogen, but to do so there need to be more of them. And so, we find ourselves now with an extra 10 lbs – or more – that won’t budge like it used to when we diet or step up our exercise.

Here’s where the confusion continues: We’ve grown up in a time when societal norms dictated that being slim was “in”, dieting was a requirement. I should know. In fact, at different times in my youth I was an extreme althete/dancer, you might say nearly anorexic.

Dieting, however, is in fact the worst thing we can do at this time in our lives. When we diet, we stress our fat cells and they fight back even harder trying to do their job of taking care of us.

Instead of fighting those FAT cells; embrace them. “Stop dieting and start exercising.” That’s the mantra of Debra Waterhouse, author of Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell, one of the best books I’ve read of late. And ever since I followed her advice, my perimenopausal symptoms have backed way off. I’m learning to love that extra 10 lbs!

My new mindset, and one I’d recommend for many of us amazing women at this point in our lives: Love your FAT cells!

They look out for your mental and physical well being. They are your body’s natural way of self care.

Yes, ladies, we are in a period of menopausal zest!, as Margaret Mead, I believe called it. Some of my new role models: Whoopi Goldberg, Sophia Loren, Meryl Streep – and any naturally healthy midlife woman in my neighborhood or workplace.  As Debra Waterhouse says: “These are women who exercise, don’t diet and eat instinctively. They move freely and feel comfortable in their maturing bodies.”

That’s the “club” I want to join!  See you there too?

• Midlife – A “Do Over” for Career Women
• Midlife in Your Face: Me Versus Reality and the Stunning Shocker of Who Won the Fight
• Alchemist, Gardener or Vagabond Traveler – What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up (Again)?

This week’s guest post is by Nancy Marmolejo, who teaches entrepreneurs how to position their businesses in the spotlight so they get more clients, opportunities, and hold a higher perceived value. Trainers, consultants, coaches, speakers, authors and others have upped their worth and made more money by following Nancy’s creative yet strategic advice on getting known. Get her free download “21 Online Visibility Tips” by visiting http://VivaVisibilityBlog.com

When I turned 40, I basked in the “40’s is the new 20′s” glow. I felt great, looked great, couldn’t ask for anything more. Then as my forties set in, life set in and for the first time ever, I noticed that time started to go by faster, healing seemed to take longer, and my patience dwindled at breakneck speed.

After decades of pushing myself and treating my energy supply like a credit card with an endless limit (when in reality it had a cap that I’d met and exceeded), I finally hit the wall. Physically, my body broke down and gave me not-so-subtle hints that major lifestyle changes needed to take place. Emotionally, I found myself exhausted and frustrated. I spent a good couple of years in denial; after all I’m a non-drinker, an avid vitamin consumer, and known as a health nut. I figured I just needed a few more supplements, maybe see another alternative practitioner to boost my energy loss, and I’d be fine.

What made the situation more “interesting” (I’m being very euphemistic here, just play along with me, OK?) is that I became a first-time mother a month before my 38^th birthday and my husband’s diabetes spiraled out of control just a few years later. While juggling running my business and taking her to and from her many activities, his frequent hospitalizations and surgeries got added into the mix.

The cocktail of my burnout along with caring for a child and having a chronically ill spouse in the house made mid-life the most unwelcome visitor in my life. There were no relatives close by, no village to lean on. It was me (with limited energy), a child, and an adult who at times felt like a 6 foot 2 inch tall child.

I longed for the days of fewer responsibilities. When I could go out at night, sleep all day, do what I wanted when I wanted. But that wasn’t my life, and I finally saw the wisdom of Byron Katie’s advice to “stop fighting reality.”

When the pain outweighed the fear, I finally made the decision to take off the boxing gloves and step out of the ring. Reality, you win. I concede to you and accept my humanness.

For years people had been telling me to slow down. I said “Yes, as soon as I finish X”.

I was advised to leave my marriage, as it had turned into a caretaking relationship and not a loving relationship built on mutual love and respect.  It was killing me. “Yes, as soon as he gets better”, I said.

I was told to weed out energy sucking people from my life and business, to set firmer boundaries, and to NOT accept the unacceptable. “I will, but this person paid me so I need to be there.”

And with each bad choice, my life force drained more and more. Midlife had turned into a prison cell where I happily rearranged the furniture instead of busting out.

The road to accepting reality isn’t an expressway. For people like me, it’s a slow moving country lane. Refusing to accept anything that didn’t operate at lightning speed is tough for Type-A, Alpha Female, Enneagram 3’s.  But that’s exactly what needed to happen and if I can jump straight to the happy ending, I will share that my life is 180 degrees different than it was just a short while ago.

First of all, I streamlined my life. That meant saying no to things that would or could drain me. I applied that to my business and chose not to host live seminars during the year, even though I’d hosted two the previous year to great success. My body just couldn’t sustain it.

Next I had to reach out and seek help with my child. Her dad was ill and couldn’t be the father figure I wanted him to be. I got her involved in activities where strong male role models played a huge part. We surrounded ourselves with loving, understanding, and nurturing people.

And finally, I left my husband. That was a tough one, especially because of his health conditions. It was when the 100^th person pointed out how I was the on the verge of collapse that I saw clearly what was going on. He’s not a bad person; I just put caring for his needs so far ahead of caring for my own that I was spiraling downward. Our relationship ended years before and was now more caretaking than caring. The reality hit me when I thought of my daughter. How will her life be with two sick and deteriorating parents?

Since activating these changes in my life, everything has changed with it. My business is successful and profitable and I’m not stressing over pleasing the world. What I consider “okay” or “good enough” is actually exceptional compared to others and I can give myself a break.

My daughter is witnessing me take positive strides, even though it has had difficulties around it. Through that she’s learning about boundaries and self care which I hope she carries with her into her adult life.

And my husband has reached out to people other than me to help him. He’s reconnected with his grown children and looked for support from his church. I know deep within that this is the nudge his life needed to fully embrace his power.

I look at my upcoming birthday and realize I’m now closer to 50 than I am to 40. With the excitement of a 20 year old about to turn 21 and enter a whole new world, I look forward to the mid-century mark. Releasing the drains from my life has given me renewed energy to fulfill the path God put me on. It took me many years to unhook my claws from the reality I so clung to, but once I gave up the fight, it all fell into place.

Only through life experience and trudging through decades of struggle could I have come to such a strong place in my life. Call me a slow learner, but I finally got here and I’m loving the view.

• Midlife Fiesta
• When Did I Become the Oldest Woman in the Room?
• Midlife – A “Do Over” for Career Women

This week’s guest post is by Rhonda Hess, an internationally recognized Coaching Niche Success Strategist and the founder of Prosperous Coach®. Rhonda has a genius for helping coaches choose a highly profitable coaching niche, so you can coach more, market less and blow the lid off your income www.ProsperousCoachBlog.com.

Okay, I’ll admit it… midlife and particularly, the BIG M (Menopause) threw me for a loop. I wasn’t ready for it. Is anyone really?

I realize that everyone experiences midlife very differently. Some sail through without so much as a hot flash. Some are immersed in creating some sort of magnum opus. Others are launching their kids and into being a grandparent.

As some of my friends navigated through this transition it looked so uncomfortable that a part of me turned away, denying that I’d ever have those many not-so-charming symptoms. I just kept on my frantic path and didn’t let their experience inform me much.

Now, at 52, I know their transformation went way beyond the physical. There’s a different kind of potential I didn’t know existed that has opened up within me. I’ve been shedding all sorts of baggage. Insecurities, vanity, and the drive to have it all are fading and being replaced by something more real and alive. This is a good time historically to live a values based life.

The veil has lifted and I’ve down shifted. Perhaps for the first time in my life I’ve slowed down enough to be with small every day things and to  find the present moment. I have renewed my fascination for nature, music and diversity. I have both a wanderlust and powerful desire for solitude.

Always self-conscious before, I’m developing a profound respect for my body, for what it can do with a bit of high quality fuel and loving kindness. It’s carried me all this time and we’ll be together through this second half.

A friend of mine turned me onto the “One Year to Live” program by Stephen Levine – where for a full year you intend to live as if you only had one more year. It’s about making choices knowing how precious this life and time are and not wasting a moment. http://levinetalks.com

It’s challenging me to trust that life really is for now, not tomorrow. And I’ve plunged into a relationship with my self and the divine that truly awes and inspires me.

And there’s something else… I’m in a witnessing phase. My personal power is burgeoning, but it’s less of about positioning and more of a shamanic perspective.

All around me I’m noticing women in every transition from young maidens to young mothers to young then seasoned leaders to midlifers and crones. In six short years I’ve seen my mother go from total independence to total dependence. And in six short years my goddaughter has gone from a child to having her first lover. The dance goes on, but I’m watching it with great interest.

How is it that through blurry eyes I see more than I ever have? It’s sweet, and sometimes bitter, but deeply sweet.

So, women, let’s raise a glass and celebrate this interesting midlife time. Let’s take the opportunity to contribute to the world through the inner game for a while and watch the magic unfold!

• When Did I Become the Oldest Woman in the Room?
• Midlife – A “Do Over” for Career Women
• A Search for Significance

This week’s guest post is by Therese Skelly. Therese works with service professionals who love what they do, but haven’t gotten their work out in the world in the biggest way possible.  She blends her background of being a psychotherapist, strategist, and business consultant to work on both the inner game challenges and the outer game tactics, and is passionate about helping people create businesses they will love. She is a contributing author in the Amazon Best-selling book – Millionaire Mom’s in the Making.  Learn more at www.HappyInBusiness.com.

Ok, that was weird.  I recently spoke at an event with 8 other speakers, and at one point we were all on stage sharing our secrets to growing a business.  So I had a point of direct comparison.

And I noticed that all the other brilliant women were in their 30’s and 40’s.

But mostly I noticed that I spoke from a very different place than they did.

Sure….I talked about the steps I took to get my business built and my name out there, but what was profoundly different was the depth I brought.

Not that the 30 – 40 something’s didn’t have depth.  I’m not saying that at all.   What I’m saying is that as a 52-year old, I had the COURAGE to share from a much deeper place.

At this age I’ve come to experience a profound desire to be real, to be free, and to speak the truth that when I was ‘pre- midlife’ I didn’t have access to.  Now maybe some 30-year olds come fully formed, but I wasn’t one of them.  No.  This has been a journey to the center of my core.  At times a very painful one.  And the thing that has really quickened that?  Time.  Actually the pursuit of wisdom and growth that only aging can bring.

So when I was on the stage with those younger women who were sharing all their amazing business savvy, my #1 thought wasn’t to impress or educate.  It was to inspire and connect.  The stage is a platform for me to tell my story of struggle and transformation.  And in the story is the solution.  But the solution to a 30-year old is very different than the solution for the midlife woman.

Why?  Because the thoughts of trying to look the part, or fit in, or be accepted have a much easier time receding when you have battled enough of life to know that really, none of that matters.

By the time you reach mid-life you have discovered that even though there are a few more wrinkles and a little bit extra around the waistline, there is also access to wisdom and places within that may have previously eluded you.

So let’s look at my top tips for how to connect to yourself more deeply:

• Surrender to what’s breaking down.  There’s nothing more powerful than this, but it’s the thing we most fight.  Yes, your looks break down, as do other external aspects of your body, but it’s more the ego states and old ways of being that begin to crumble.  Let me give you an example – maybe you were an overachiever and could just hit the gas all day.  But driving with very male energy now will burn out your adrenals and leave you tired and overwhelmed.  The secret?  Allow the old to crumble.  Look at nature.  Every year the trees lose their leaves.  Then there is the period of dormancy until in the spring, new life emerges.  Why would we be any different than nature?  But unlike the trees who gracefully surrender, we label this process for us as ‘bad’ or scary or dysfunctional somehow.  We fight it, and it’s in the resistance that we meet the most pain. Remember this…the way out is through.  So if there is a part of your life that is no longer working, apply gentleness to this place and let it go.

• Stay in the day.  In this moment you have all you need.  Really!  But our minds tend to go to what needs to happen next month or what may go wrong, etc.  You have to force the crazy animal that is your mind to quiet, calm, and just stay present to what is right in front of you right now.  So if you are worried about money, notice that you have a roof over your head and food enough for TODAY.  And if you are feeling less than prosperous, look to nature to show you just how plentiful things are.

• Get support.  Trust me…when you are in the ‘breakdown to breakthrough’ process, it feels crazy.  You can feel out of control.  (Which for most of us ‘super woman’ types means that we attempt to assert MORE control which will just prolong the process.)  Finding a trusted mentor who has walked the path and can shine the light on the journey is critical.  Having those loving girlfriends who are in it with you through thick and thin is what will allow you to step fully into this mid-life journey with ease and grace, because on the other side…it’s a very sweet thing!

So if you look around and notice that there are much younger women in the room than you are, instead of begrudging the fact, celebrate it!  Delight in the knowledge that Life has given you gifts and strengths that can only come about with age and experience.  Instead of looking at what you don’t have, shift your focus to what you now have access to that you previously didn’t.

• A Search for Significance
• Alchemist, Gardener or Vagabond Traveler – What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up (Again)?
• Following Your Bliss as a High-Achieving Career Woman Requires Getting Nekked