So correct me if I’m wrong, but this movie looks fabulous. It’s got all of the obligatory features that could comprise a smash-hit in the making: Steve Carrell, disaster, comedy, FREE CFO POSITIONS, and plus, it was written and directed by Lorene Scafaria, who penned Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. To top it all off, the preview itself features a song by one of my favorite bands of all time, the Talking Heads. Completely decent, right?

From IMDB:

As an asteroid nears Earth, a man finds himself alone after his wife leaves in a panic. He decides to take a road trip to reunite with his high school sweetheart. Accompanying him is a neighbor who inadvertently puts a wrench in his plan.

The man, of course, is Carrell; the neighbor, Keira Knightley.

Also, it’s entirely appropriate, since the world’s supposed to, you know, come to an end this year, so why not make light of the situation and put Steve Carrell in the middle of it? What would you guys do if you found out you had three weeks to do stuff? Assuming that you weren’t killed or pillaged by anarchist freaks who wished nothing but destruction leading up to the day of destruction, would you try to rectify mistakes you might have made in the past in order to have that one last hurrah?

No, I don’t think it’s vanity – I think that LeAnn’s gone and done something to the sensitive area around her eyes so that people say, “Oh, that LeAnn and that Eddie. Such soulmates. They’re so in love that they’re starting to look alike.” And isn’t that just, you know. Healthy. And not at all obsessive.

I don’t have much in the way of comments about your outfit or your teeny-tiny figure, LeAnn, because I’m afraid it’s probably all been said before, but the face? Either stop making it or, of course, lay off the injections. Neither’s doing you any justice and frankly, Eddie’s just not that attractive, girl.

Last, when I think about the changes you’ve undergone in the past few years to get your man and keep him there, I frankly get sick. Everyone remembers what LeAnn looked like when she first started cavorting with him behind his wife’s (and her husband’s!) back, and the difference is shocking. Ready? Before:

Aaaaand … after:

Alright, alright. This is just too good. One more time, then, OK? Before!:

And of course, after:

LeAnn was also a guest on Chelsea Handler’s show this past week, where she admitted to being formerly “fat” if you can believe it:

“I was a baby [before Eddie]. You’ve known me since I was 13. I was fat. Baby fat… and then, I grew up. I’m about to hit 30 this year. I heard it’s all downhill from there.”

Stable, right? I rest my case.

Everybody knows that Michael Lohan is a douchebag. That is the opposite of a secret. The guy kicks ladies straight in the vag, he made a sex tape of himself and his lady getting it on without his lady’s knowledge, and he had a hand in raising Lindsay Lohan. I think that about covers it.

But wait! There’s a chance that Michael Lohan might be turning over a new leaf! While it’s true that his own special brand of violent asshole behavior and infamous parenting skills won’t be overlooked anytime soon, this might actually be a step in the right direction. See, Michael Lohan has been in rehab, and now he’s living in a halfway house. The latest example of his progress? He filed an application down at the Burger King.

From TMZ:

Michael Lohan is finally gearing up to ask the burning question that may or may not have been on his mind for years — “Would you like fries with that?”

Sources tell TMZ, Michael filed an application with a local Burger King in Palm Beach, Florida yesterday after he was released from a residential treatment facility — which he was sentenced to as part of a plea deal in his domestic violence case involving ex-GF Kate Major.

According to sources, Lohan was moved to a 3-bedroom halfway house after his rehab release — and the counselors at the treatment center recommended he get a real job to pass the time … until his final release on March 16th.

We’re told the job’s primary purpose isn’t to make money — though $7.75 an hour ain’t bad — it’s to help residents like Michael slowly assimilate back into normal society.

So far, it’s unclear if he locked down the burger-flipping gig.

I’m not about to hate on getting a job at the Burger King: I think a job’s a job, and Michael Lohan certainly needs a job. He’s been out of touch with reality for way too long, and this seems like a great way to get him back in touch. Or it’s a great way to get some girl who can’t keep her mouth shut a good dousing with frying oil. Apples and oranges, I guess.

Hey, do any of you guys live in Palm Beach? Can we get a Burger King watch going strong? You can send us pictures of Michael hard at work, and bonus points if he gives you a crown!

Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie fighting over the Oscars? [Lainey Gossip]

Whitney leaves a nightclub wasted. [Bossip]

George Lucas makes Star Wars changes. [Huff Po]

Who’d you rather: Gabrielle Union or Meagan Good? [Starpulse]

Did Sean Penn break up with Scarlett Johannson for his ex-wife? [Cele|bitchy]

Surprise, surprise!: Kim Kardashian‘s a fraud. [Yeeeah]

Why Jezebel was wrong to air video of woman being gang raped. [The Frisky]

Celebrities channel Marilyn Monroe AGAIN. [theBERRY]

Reese Witherspoon is having another baby. [Amy Grindhouse]

Demi Lovato‘s ass in a bikini. [Yeeeah]

Lindsay Lohan wants a birthday present. [IDLYITW]

The Situation is gay. [The Superficial]

These are some pictures of the always lovely Kirsten Dunst from this month’s issue of Vogue Italia. They’re gorgeous, aren’t they? All the trees and leaves and plants and water and sunshine, ugh, it’s like a dream. A beautiful, vivid dream starring Kirsten Dunst. Sounds like last night, am I right?

But really, can I just say that I love the hell out of Kirsten Dunst? She always has something interesting to say, and she always looks so pretty in photo shoots. Not to mention her movies, come on. I mean, if we’re being honest here, the last Kirsten Dunst movie I’ve seen, besides the Spider-Man movies, was Bring It On, but Bring It On was a great film.  Not to mention Dick, Interview with the Vampire, Jumanji, and, my all time absolute favorite Kirsten Dunst movie that has ever been or will ever be, Drop Dead Gorgeous. Flawless, you guys. That’s what Kirsten Dunst is.

And if there was every any doubt to that, just check out these magnificent pictures. Which are stunning. Have I used enough adjectives to get across my feelings on these pictures?

Images courtesy of Hollywood Rag

It’s totally different than when Tori Spelling’s husband posted a photo of Tori post-breastfeeding, and let’s be real: one, the kid’s not her son, so unless she’s a wet nurse, that’s just weird. And two, she could never be a wet nurse. There’s too much silicone blocking up those milk ducts. I mean, does she even *have* milk ducts, or were they maybe cauterized during one of her many plastic surgeries?

Ugh. This thing is so messed up, and she knows it, too. This was the caption accompanying the picture:

“1am in LA and my sis, Kristy keeps flashing the camera while me and my nephew,baby Austin,try to sleep..Man, this is a spoiled baby.”

The photo’s since been pulled from all of her accounts.

You know, it’s one thing to have a photo like this. OK. Even though I think it’s way strange that it’s the auntie in the picture, I can even try to look past that. But to post the damn picture on the internet for the world to see? Classless. Completely classless. Also. I don’t want to hear any, “OH. The US is so backward when it comes to kids and boobs and nude family beds,” but that’s … No. Just no, sorry. Coco is trash, and using a little kid to further that notion is just gross, man.

I’ve always thought that Kim Kardashian has had some sort of plastic surgery. I don’t know about the ass implant debate, but if you look at older pictures, it’s pretty obvious that she’s had work done on her face. I know there was that one episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians where she tried botox and then had a bad reaction to it, and she “learned her lesson” and decided that she wasn’t into it, but it’s not like any of the Kardashian shows are actually reality shows.

But now there’s this new theory that ever since Kim’s infamous divorce, she’s been getting surgery after surgery. I can totally buy it.

From In Touch via Celebitchy:

Recent photos of Kim Kardashian show her sporting a plumper pout. A friend of Kim’s confirms to In Touch: “Kim is even more addicted to plastic surgery than ever before.”

While the 31-year-old star has always been overly concerned with her looks, plas say she’s become obsessed ever since her October split from Kris Humphries and subsequent fall from grace.

Instead of retreating from the public eye to regroup, Kim’s putting all her focus on her appearance.

“She’s becoming more and more absorbed in her self image,” says a source.

In her latest bid for physical perfection, plastic surgeon Dr. Matthew Schulman believes Kim underwent a lip augmentation.

“It was likely done with a filler like Restylane,” he tells In Touch. Celeb makeup artist at Valery Joseph salon Rachel Gangemi agrees: “There is no way lip gloss and lip liner can create that much volume!”

While fillers may be helping her get closet to her beauty ideal, her antics are only driving friends and family further away.

“Her sisters think she’s so vain,” says the source. “They feel like all she cares about is her image.”

Yeah, I have absolutely no problem believing all of this. I mean, just take a gander at that picture up there. See those lips? They’re ridiculous. They are pumped so full of whatever they pump into lips that it’s offensive. And honestly, if Kim makes one more statement about how she’s all natural, then it’s only going to set her image back way more. I think I’m more appalled at the thought of that than by the actual divorce.

What do you guys think? What sort of surgery has Kim had? Something on her eyes? Lip injections? A nose job? Other cosmetic procedures I have no idea even exist? Let me know, friends!

You guys! It’s Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter! Or Dexter and Deb from Dexter! Or two beautiful lovers who were separated before their time by sickness (or Julia Stiles, whatever). Either way, the point is that these two were photographed together back on Wednesday, and, as you can see, things are looking a little intimate, aren’t they?

This glorious couple split up back in 2010, if you’ll remember, and the rumor was that Michael left Jennifer because he was cheating on her with his costar in that current season of Dexter, Julia Stiles. The rumor was denied, but everyone still had their suspicions, of course.

But then, just a few weeks ago, there was a new rumor. A magical, lovely, inspiring rumor. The word was that Michael and Jennifer might be back on, and that word was based on some sightings of the couple having dinner at a hotel, and then having coffee together the next morning, and I know I don’t need to spell that one out for you.

And now look! Those pictures! That look on Michael’s face! Either here’s in some serious love or he’s thinking about his cats. Either way, my heart is touched.

People has a breakdown of the date, and if you’re a romantic too, maybe stop reading right before the last paragraph:

The Dexter costars –who wed on New Years Eve in 2009 – and were divorced two years later – were spotted looking cozy during an evening out Wednesday in Venice Beach, Calif.

Hall, 41, clutched Carpenter’s arm as the pair grabbed coffee before heading to the beach to watch the sun set. Once there, the actor pulled his ex-wife in for an embrace.

“He is and always will be one of my best friends in the world. Just because the marriage ended doesn’t mean the love isn’t still there,” Carpenter, 32, told Today last October. “We take very good care of each other … we always have. I’m just really lucky.”

This isn’t the first time the former lovebirds have been spotted looking especially sweet post-split. At the PEOPLE/Entertainment Industry Foundation SAG Awards Bash last month, the seemingly upbeat pair was by each other’s side throughout the night while mingling with mutual pals.

But don’t get your hope up for a reconciliation – after another java fix was caught on camerain January, a source told PEOPLE, “Jennifer and Michael are friends. They spend time together. They work together. It was not romantic.”

Sorry, People, but consider my hopes “up.”  There’s no convincing me that anything these kids do together isn’t because of their deep, undying love for each other.

Oh, and speaking of deep undying love for each other, I didn’t see any of that last season of Dexter, but I heard that Dex and Deb are in love now?  Is that right?  Can someone explain that to me?

Images courtesy of TMZ

“I wasn’t like ‘Oh, I’m going to marry 50 Cent…’ I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He’s very sweet and antithetical to what you’d think of him.”

- Chelsea Handler on who I like to think is her one true love, 50 Cent.

Did anyone else’s heart break a little bit after reading that? It’s like, damn, Chelsea, 50 Cent is a person too. He has feelings. Don’t be so harsh. I mean, seriously.

Do you remember when Chelsea and 50 started hooking up? It kind of blew everyone’s mind, but then it was sort of easy to see why these two would be good together. They’re both just so obnoxious, right? These two crazy, loud, offensive people found each other in this big wide world, and that was beautiful and inspiring. And obnoxious.

Even though 50 Cent didn’t really say the sweetest things about Chelsea (remember that time that he was all “yeah, she’s cool to talk to, but you probably wouldn’t look at her and want to bang her,” wasn’t that charming?), I think he really did love her. I think that he thought she was The One, the girl of his dreams, the apple of his eye. He thought he would settle down with her in a nice little cottage in the country, and they would get wasted together for the rest of their days.

But Chelsea wasn’t having it. She broke things off for whatever reason, and that was that. But somehow, over a year after the fact, she’s still saying hurtful things to poor 50. My opinion of Chelsea was never that high (to be fair, it was pretty much nonexistent), but now, Chelsea, you have gone too far.

But yeah, wasn’t this a crazy couple? I kind of wish they had gotten married, you know? It’d be a hell of a wedding.

I know, what’s new, right? To give credit where credit is due though, Lady Gaga does do good work. She’s always doing something to combat bullying, her favorite cause, and she’s made a lot of strides. She even started her own foundation, remember?

That’s why it shouldn’t be a surprise that this past Saturday, Lady Gaga attended a conference for young women called “It’s Our Turn,” held at a school in L.A. She spoke about being bullied as a teenager, being bulimic, and, of course, being born this way.

On being bullied for her beliefs: “I started having trouble with girls in middle school,” Lady Gaga said. “I always knew that I wanted to do something very career oriented, and I always wanted to be a musician. ”That alone set me apart. I had such strong convictions and I was pretty delusional, in the same way that I am now … in wanting to change the world and end bullying in America and do whatever I can to promote peace around the world. It might sound kind of silly coming from someone in red lipstick with a bunch of jewels on my jacket,” Lady Gaga said. “But that’s just the way I have always been.”

On confronting a bully: “It wasn’t until my senior year in high school when I finally confronted my main bully,” Lady Gaga said. “She was always kind of mean to me, but I was always trying to be nice to her.”

One day the bully was discussing her after-school internship and the young Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta asked, “Oh, hey, how’s that going?” only for the bully to reply, “Why are you talking to me?”

Lady Gaga recalled finally asking her, “What the f*ck is your problem?”

To this, the Brentwood audience laughed, cheered and clapped. “She couldn’t believe that I stood up for myself,” Lady Gaga said. “And I said, ‘I am always nice to you. What is your problem with me? Maybe if you just tell me, we can figure this out.’ And she said something like ‘Well, I just don’t know why you’re so serious about music.’”

“You don’t always know why people exclude you or aren’t nice to you,” Lady Gaga said. “But I will tell you to this day it helped me so much to stand up to that person.”

On being bulimic: “I used to throw up all the time in high school. So I’m not that confident. And maybe it’s easier for me to talk about it now because I don’t do it anymore. I wanted to be a skinny little ballerina but I was a voluptuous little Italian girl whose dad had meatballs on the table every night,” Lady Gaga revealed. “I used to come home and say, ‘Dad, why do you always give us this food? I need to be thin.’ And he’d say, ‘Eat your spaghetti.’”

On body image: “Every video I’m in, every magazine cover, they stretch you; they make you perfect,” Lady Gaga said. “It’s not real life. I’m gonna say this about girls: The dieting wars have got to stop. Everyone just knock it off. Because at the end of the day, it’s affecting kids your age. And it’s making girls sick.”

On worth: “I’m encouraging you to know what you’re worth. And know that no matter who has more money in class, who has more stuff, who has a country house – nobody is worth more than anybody else.”

I think this is a pretty classy thing for Lady Gaga to be doing with her time, and believe me, that sort of pains me to say. But if she can use all her craziness to reach out to some kids, then that’s what matters, right?

I really love reading interviews with Christina Aguilera. I think I like them so much because the subtlety. See, with some interviews, the celebrity will come right out in the open with rudeness and a bad attitude, or some craziness or what have you, but Christina’s not like that usually. With her, it’s mostly like “oh wow, this is kind of boring, ugh, why am I still reading … what did she just say?” And I can definitely respect that.

There are a few of those moments in this interview she did with Latina magazine:

On getting married and divorced at a young age: “Was I too young? Not at all. I did the exact right thing at the time….I definitely wasn’t too young. I have always been older than my age.”

On growing older: “I was on the set of a film and the choreographer was 19 and I looked around at all the dancers and I was like, ‘Whoa! I’m the oldest person in this room. When did that happen?’”

On reconnecting with her father: “I’ve talked about how rough things were for me and I’m sure he’s heard it. He can’t be thrilled about it. So maybe one day we can do lunch…I’m 31 years old now. Maybe it’s time.”

On resting up from the intensity of shooting The Voice: “When I’m shooting The Voice, it’s intense. On a day like today, my ex has my son and we are not shooting, so I slept and I just slept. I love doing everything in my bed.  Eating, sleeping…It’s my domain and my throne…I do it all in my bed.”

On how she handles gossip and brutal reviews: “I don’t read them. Ever…Why read what people are saying—good or bad?”

On criticisms of not being Latina enough: “I’ve dealt with that my whole life. I don’t speak the language fluently. And I’m split right down the middle, half Irish and half Ecuadorean. I should not have to prove my ethnicity to anyone. I know who I am.”

On planning another Spanish-language album: “All I know is no one can tell me I’m not a proud Latina woman…I dove headfirst into a Spanish-language album for that reason and I’m planning another one even though I don’t speak the language. I’m sure that doesn’t sit well with some people.”

You see what I mean?  Most of that was sort of boring, right?  I mean, I liked the “all I know is no one can tell me I’m not a proud Latina woman” part, because she sounds sassy as hell and I like that, but the rest of it was kind of a yawn, to be honest. But that part about the bed, or excuse me, her “domain” and her “throne,” that is wonderful. That is just delightful. All I can think about now is Christina Aguilera rolling around in her bed, getting hot sauce and ranch dressing all over the clean sheets while trying to pull on a pair of leggings.

I’m really glad I could share this moment with you.

Here is some news that tickled me, and I’m not sure why: Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine has started his own record label!

I finally watched an episode of The Voice recently, and while I deeply enjoyed it, I still think Levine is a total turd. He’s snarky, smarmy, brittle, and even a bit of a bully.

I also think he’s very talented at recognizing talent—all the Voice coaches are, in fact—and if Levine wanted to, he could absolutely be the next Simon Cowell. Have at it, Levine.

Here’s the part that really curls my hair: guess which “artist” was the first to sign to the new label!

MATTHEW MORRISON.

That’s right: Glee‘s own Will Schuester is the first megastar on Levine’s label! E! Online has more from Matty Fresh:

“I am excited to be working on my next album with such an incredible singer, writer and producer as Adam Levine,” the Glee star said in a statement. “Adam and I share the same vision as we begin working on my record together.”

This shouldn’t've given me the screaming giggles—Morrison is talented and charismatic or whatever—but it did. Who will Levine sign next? Patrick Wilson? Michael C. Hall? I mean, reeeeeaaaally.

(Image via Idolator.)