Annnnyway…I might try to pop in here more. Throw up a few posts. I have a steady job now that’s actually good – no crazy, unrealistic projects, no crummy, hourly contract bullshit. It’s not glamorous but the people are great and the benefits are FANTASTIC, so you know…yay health insurance!

Kev is good, and Sadie is still hanging in there. You’d never know she was 14, bless’er. Pictures and more updates to come.

Dad: I don’t like it.

Me: yeah? Have you seen the BBC version?

Dad: Oooh yeah, that’s a good one. With errr…that Bumblebuck guy.

Me: HAHAHA!

“Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it! Once you climax, switch to 69 position for sweet afters.”

—

Cosmopolitan Ultimate Sex Guide. (via ahhellobeautiful-)

That’s fucking gross, Cosmo

(via ivyyy)

I just gagged.

(via sexisbeautiful)

The phrase “delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around” just made me choke on air.

(via taniada)

Do….Do women actually consider shoving food into their vags? I’m terrified.

(via robertbowiebuttsex)

What.

(via freshfeminism)

Food fetishes are one thing, but this is just plain bad.

(via theatomicboom)

Um. Could you imagine trying to clean that out? Just eww. Jizz covered fruit also does not sound at all appeasing. 
And what if he doesn’t show up? It’s not like you can bend over and eat the fruit out yourself. Not that you would want to…I’ll just end this thought here.
And I may never be able to eat a banana again without the phrase “He can whoosh his penis around it!” popping into my head. Thanks, Cosmo. Seriously. 

(via the-abcs-of-life)

LMAO I AM DYING AT THE COMMENTARY

(via theoceanandthesky)

Notice how cosmo’s sex tips are all about his pleasure?

(via icedteaandlemoncake)

I threw up into my mouth a little.

(via genderbitch)

YEAST INFECTIONS ARE HOT TRUFAX…

Does anyone at that magazine actually have or have ever met a vagina?

Cosmo is full of pussy haters.

(via nudiemuse)

Whoosh my WHAT in WHAT??

(via radicallyhottoff)

brb becoming nun to stave off trauma

(via isabelthespy)

I just had the following text message exchange with Ian:

“Hey, so I was just reading this hot sex tip from Cosmo: ‘Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it! Once you climax, switch to 69 position for sweet afters.’ What do you think? Is this something you’d like to try?”

“Wouldn’t the sugar in the juices be infectiony?”

“Um, yes. Please tell me you did not think I was seriously suggesting that you woosh your penis around inside my banana filled vagina.”

“No, I was just worried that you’d started reading Cosmo.”

(via thecurvature)

(via socalfeminist19)

(via feministslut)

Mmmm. Smushy vag fruits. Uh, hell no?

(via fuckingbraindead)

Oh my god I cannot breathe

Fucking Cosmo, man…god damn.

(via -nerdangel)

What the fuck did I just read?!!??!!? I have enough discomfort with Tampons, who the fuck wants to STICK FRUIT UP THERE!!!!!

(via ohmydracomalfoy)

lol wat.

(via disasterpiecee)

I have this “gross-out” competition with my friend. So far, I am winning with this quote.

(via sciencetodo)

Whoosh his penis. I am dying.

(via imsogangstaimsothug)

Yeah no the only phallic shaped thing going into my vag is a penis. Sorry.

(via organicgaykisses)

CRYING AT THIS POST

(via cracktastic)

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WUT

(via foreveralogan)

Damn, someone beat me to it with the Tennant gif…

I AM FUCKING DYING. HOLY JESUS, THIS IS GOLD.

(via busybee6363)

Keeping a straight face while reading this at work was a Herculean effort.  Seriously.  You don’t even KNOW.  8|

(via notcuddles)

This is the funniest series of commentary in the world.

Also, Cosmo, why switch to 69? Is that the only kind of oral sex I’m allowed to have.

(via calecake)

Yeah I need to reblog this again because the commentary is just too good to pass up. Also I don’t think “whoosh” and “penis” should really go together, or inside anyone’s orifice(s).

(via torayot)

Reblogging again for the hilarious commentary. And how this quote fills my brain with immense amounts of fuck.

(via genderbitch)

I don’t know cosmos writers do with penises but they definitely should not be “whooshing”. I’m not going to be able to eat a banana for at least a week after this.

(via tamaraleach)

This is clearly an ad for the makers of Monistat, disguised as a sex-advice article. That is the only logical explanation for this wtfuckery.

(via squee-gee)

I prefer potato waffles. and ketchup. personally. But that’s just me. And my vagina. WHOOSH!

(via silentpunk)

My vagina is not a fruit cup. What in the pluperfect fuck is this fucking fuckery?

(via the-madame-hatter)

Never forget this. ever. 

(via catladysoul)

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, because it’s Cosmo, but “whoosh”? Really?! WHOOSH?!

I didn’t know that penises did that.

(via fsufeminist)

Whooshing peni and fruity pussies. 

Guise, I’m done.

ALSO, for those with food fetishes or…think that this is a good idea to try – please don’t. The sugars found in fruits and even whipped cream are sources for yeast and bacteria thrive off of. Not only that, some fruits or foods may alter the pH balance or kill some of the good bacteria in your vagina making you more suceptiable for to yeast infections or other bacterial infections that feel like that fuckin’ devil is running loose in your vagina. Seriously. Don’t do it..

Here’s a post on where to start with safe sexy food play and how to ensure that you and your partner(s) will be stay healthy.

Love,

Taylor

(via thecuntmentality)

LOL CAN I JUST READ THIS COMMENTARY FOREVER

IT IS GOLD

(via cnt-)

WOW!!!!!!!!! COSMO STRIKES YET AGAIN. 

(via yeahgrrrl)

I just really need ALL of this on my blog. So I can keep myself busy laughing so as not to cry.

(via handgrenade2)

Dear Cosmo:

Thank you for assuming that I would ever want a penis inside my vagina.  Also, thank you for the invitation to give myself a fruit-and-dick-whooshing induced yeast infection.  I can tell you really care about the health and happiness of your readers.

Sincerely,

Nikki

PS: At least you can be proud of the fact that your idiocy sparked some serious lulz on Tumblr.

PPS: I was under the impression that many women can’t climax from penetration alone.  I know I certainly can’t.  What are these women supposed to do when faced with this predicament?  Are they supposed to wait for HIM to finish?  And what if he falls asleep right after?  Or what if he’s soft, and 69ing isn’t an option?  You don’t seem to think cunnilingus alone is suitable following fruit salad sex.  So what then?  HOW DO THESE WOMEN GET THE JIZZ-BANANA SPLIT SUNDAE OUT OF THEIR VAGOOS?

(via nikkidubs)

^ Fruit. Salad. Sex.  OMG, What is air?! LMFAO.

(via s1mplythebeth)

Cosmo has gone crazy. *Is terrified*