It is ASTOUNDING how I can unintentionally make things worse for myself.  I’m amazed I’m still functioning in society, really.

ANYWAY!

10 years since 9/11.  Holy shit.

I didn’t experience it the same way some people had – I wasn’t there, and I didn’t know anyone personally who had died.  Living in Georgia, I felt like I experienced it all through a thick filter, or a lens smeared with vaseline.  I was surrounded by a lot of people who had never been any further north than the Carolinas, let alone been to New York City.  As a result I turned a lot of the horror and shock inward, and became very very numb for a long time.

I was on my way to campus for a department meeting when they reported the first plane to hit the WTC.  It dominated the conversation for the first part of the meeting.  Bizarre accident?  Drunk pilot?  Weird!  Before we then moved on to the business of SCIENCE!

As the meeting wound down, my adviser went to speak to a part time faculty member who had come to the door, and they both spoke in hushed voices.  Then my adviser walked back in the room and spoke loudly to get everyone’s attention.  ”A plane has just flown into the world trade center.”

Uhhh, yeah, we know.

“No, I mean, another one.”

Immediately we fled to our respective labs and turned on radios.  There were no TVs in the department and remember this was before you could get streaming video on computers (not that our lab’s ancient mac and pc could have even handled such a thing).  We huddled around the stereo in the lab and listened to what happened.  The planes had been hijacked.  The buildings were burning.  They were bringing down all planes that were in the air.  Some planes were not responding.   We only had descriptions of what was going on.

After a little while, the news was getting repetitive and there was no new information, and I thought that I had to get SOMETHING done that day.  I had some overnight E. coli cultures that were ready to go to prep for plasmids, so I preoccupied myself with spinning them down and adding the buffers needed to extract the plasmid DNA.  At one point I had to go to the lab next door to use some piece of equipment…I can’t for the life of me remember what or why…was our centrifuge not working?  Anyway, I was over there for a couple minutes and when I walked back over with the preps I was confronted immediately by the post-doc.  ”Another plane went down!  Near Pittsburgh!  South of Pittsburgh!”

Oh shit.  My parents lived south of Pittsburgh.  Hell, most of everyone I knew in the world at that time lived south of Pittsburgh.

I dug out my cell phone and dialed my parent’s number.  Mom answered.  Oh thank god.  ”There is a plane down near Pittsburgh, have you heard anything?”  ”I don’t hear sirens or see flames, so it’s not anywhere near here!”

It wasn’t.  It was near Somerset, an area I had driven through frequently when I was in college – right between Pittsburgh and Johnstown.

Crap.  I left my samples as they were and sat with my labmates by the stereo again.

Eventually, my adviser walked into the lab and announced that she was going home.  Because if ever there was a terrorist target in Atlanta, it was the CDC.  Located right next door to the campus.  Oh, in fact, right next door to the building we were in.

Well that was a terrifying thought.  And at that, we all scattered to our homes.  By ourselves.  I curled up on my couch, dragged Sadie up with me, and glued myself to CNN for the next 48 hours or so.   This was 2 years pre-Kev, and all I had was Sadie for comfort.  She didn’t know what was going on, but she liked sleeping on the couch behind my legs as I watched the horrific videos over and over.

Numb numb numb.

I remembered…how old was I?  14?  15?  On one of several visits to NYC with my family.  Going up to the observation floor of one of the buildings of the WTC and thinking it was so incredible that any building could be so tall.  I remember standing on the step in front of the floor to ceiling windows and leaning against the railing so that my forehead was touching the glass and I could look down, down, down at the miniature cars that drove by.  I remember jumping back with a small scream as a robot with big circular brushes crept up the window I was looking down.  There were machines on tracks that cleaned the windows, and one had scared the crap out of me.

I think that was the same trip when we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, and as I waited outside with my grandparents while my brothers and parents browsed the gift shop, an older gentlemen walking by stopped and asked me if I was a prostitute.  I was wearing a Penn State tshirt, plaid shorts, and a fanny pack.

New York, man.  Boggles.

But that feeling of being so high up and still on solid ground, that stuck with me.  And now it was gone, it was all gone.  Reduced to a giant hole and a pile of rubble, and the remains of countless loved ones, and no one around me seemed to understand the enormity of it like I did.  So I let myself go numb and wrapped it around me like a blanket and then like armor as I watched my country go to war, and war again.

I wish I was stronger.  I wish that I felt some kind of intense, patriotic surge on this day.  I wish I could raise my fist and scream that the terrorists didn’t win.  But I can’t.   They didn’t win, but neither did we.  I don’t think anyone has won anything in the past 10 years.  I think we all lost and continue to lose a little more of ourselves every day.

Maybe I’m just still numb.

The funny will return later, I promise.

ESC: you are the ONLY person I know who consistently injures themselves sneezing.

Kev: Nuh uh!  People get hurt from sneezing all the time!  Like, they break ribs!  Or die!

ESC: Don’t you DARE die from a sneeze!  OH MY GOD, I will KICK YOUR ASS!

Kev: uh huh.

ESC: I am serious.  Seriously.  That would be so embarrassing!  I’d have to be a widow, and when people asked I’d have to say “Well, my first husband died from…a sneeze!”

Kev: You’d probably laugh, too.

ESC: I’d laugh all through the funeral.

Kev: Thanks dear, I feel very loved.

ESC: I’d cry, too.  Then laugh.  Then cry.

Kev: Great, thanks.  You are not making me feel better.  *pout*

ESC: awwwwww…c’mon, you know I’m kidding.  You know I love you!

Kev: *tries to walk past me, arms folded, turned away*

ESC: *ATTACK HUG!  And kiss*

Kev: You probably have a secret life insurance policy on me, too.

ESC: I do!….but it doesn’t cover sneezing.

Free concert?  Outdoors at Chastain Park?  To see a band I hadn’t thought about in years and years but kind of rocked and had several songs I enjoyed?

SIGN ME UP!

To be honest, growing up I just missed the peak of the Go-Go’s.  This tour was for the 30th anniversary of their first album.  I was…four.

Some of you are rolling your eyes at how young I am.  Others are wondering if I watch NCIS because I am SO OLD.  The rest of you are my age.  FIST BUMP!

I bought these faux-chocolate dog biscuits for Sadie in the hopes that I would fool Kev and we’d have a repeat performance of last time.  So close!  I couldn’t let him do it, though.

Look!  We got mani/pedi’s together!

BABIES RUIN EVERYTHING!

Anyway, I skipped because INSTEAD, I drove to Buckhead to see Jim Butcher and get him to sign his newest Dresden Files book, Ghost Story.  I haven’t actually GOTTEN all the way up to the latest book in the series yet, but I’m working on it.

At any rate…it was awesome.  

ESC: Your trip sounds like it’s going to be history geek-tastic.  Take plenty of pictures, and try to refrain from having hot monkey sex on Franklin’s grave.  I hear he hates that.

MDP: don’t be so insensitive! She can’t have hot monkey secks on his grave. SHARK WEEK!

SV: OMG, that is SO the beginning of a horror movie. EJ has teh secks on Ben Franklin’s grave during shark week and the blood goes into the coffin and AWAKENS BEN FRANKLIN who is RAISED FROM THE DEAD and wreaks all kind of havoc like solving the famine in Somalia and fixing our broke ass government.

MDP: ZOMBIE BEN FRANKLIN SAVES AMERICA!!

ESC: ZOMBIE BEN FRANKLIN FOR PRESIDENT!  HE GETS SHIT DONE!!!

EJ: I would pay money to see that film

MDP: Then the romantic comedy: ZOMBIE BEN FRANKLIN LOVES EJ

EJ: “After he was done saving the world, he fell in love with the girl who resurrected him from the dead. In a way that only zombie Ben Franklin could: he flirted harmlessly with her, then ate her brains.”

ESC: The final battle scene between Ben and EJ’s boyfriend will be EPIC!!!!

MDP: OMG. I am paying money to watch this movie. It will be BEYOND EPIC!

SV: And then Michael Bay will direct the movie

ESC: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Yeah, I have nothing to post about now that the tour is over.  I am not going to start talking about current events, because frankly, whenever I start even THINKING about current events, I just get the urge to march up to washington dc and grab every single politician, democrat and republican and just SHAKE THEM AND SHAKE THEM AND SHAKE THEM AND SCREAM WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE CAN YOU JUST PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES FOR ONE MINUTE AND TRY TO SAVE THIS COUNTRY YOU PATHETIC WASTES OF HUMAN EXISTENCE????

But I am ALREADY on blood pressure medicine and really, aren’t there enough websites doing the “yell pointlessly at politicians” thing already?

Instead I just keep spinning, just keep spinning, just keep spinning, spinning, spinning…

Sorry, Finding Nemo was just on the other day…

I was on a roll until I couldn’t keep the yarn from breaking to save my life.  After the millionth time, I decided it was time to step away.

Well how is work going?

I have made PROGRESS on projects at work, which is GOOD, finally.  It’s frustrating to be working on Big Projects where your PROGRESS is reliant on other people to do a good part of it, and…well…they don’t.  Or they do it very….slowly….and you just want to MARCH OVER THERE AND SHAKE…

I mean…send politely worded emails reminding them of their duties.

*snicker*

duties…

MOSTLY I work with very awesome people, and really, can you ask for better than that?  Nothing sucks all the fun out of life quicker than working with irritating joy-vampires. Ask me how I know. 

But if you could please aim any job-finding mojo you have towards my husband, that would be great.  Kev’s job ended abruptly and unexpectedly not long after I started my current job.  Because the universe won’t tolerate us both being employed for any reasonable length of time.  Hopefully he’ll find something soon.

I mean, COME ON…who WOULDN’T want to hire him??

He’s here to reset your network login.

I leave you with a picture of my very sleepy dog.  It’s a rough life for a dog out there.

Look at all that!

And what do I have to show for it, besides all that nice yarn?

Well, I’d like to think I’ve improved my technique.  I’m really liking long draw, and I think I’m getting better results with it than I did with my previous method.  I’d like to do more spinning from the fold, so maybe after I finish up with the merino tencel, I’ll pick something fluffy to spin next.

What else?  Well, some battle scars:

A groove and scorch on my flyer, and a blister and callus on my big toe.

And the spinning continues. Not as much as I wanted to today, because I was feeling a bit…*cough* delicate today…

Why was I feeling so poorly?

Parrrrr-tay:

Ohhhhhh yeaaaaaaahhhhhh…

Well, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad, as they say.  By the time we got to the theater, the movie was sold out.  Dammit!  Spent too long at the market. The farmer’s market is a little…busy on Saturdays.  Which I knew, of course.  I knew.  I should have gone after work on Friday, but I didn’t.  I figured I just needed a few things, so it wouldn’t be that bad.

Ugh.

Don’t go on a Saturday.  Ever.  If you can help it.  They’re like animals there.  ANIMALS!  And I become one of them.  OUT OF MY WAY, KIDS!  I NEED RED PEPPERS!!!!

I needed to go, though, to pick up ingredients to make some mango slaw for a party we’re going to tomorrow.  A PARTY!  Kev and I will be socializing!  With PEOPLE!  People I work with!

Uhh…risky!

I tend towards not mixing work and not-work time.  Of course, that’s because I’m always a contractor.  I don’t want to get too attached to people, because it’s not a permanent situation.  Like I’m a foster puppy!

THEORETICALLY this job will become permanent.  Eventually.  At some point.

This is me. Holding my breath.

*sigh*

ANYWAY…

Actually, my biggest anxiety about this party is that I will have to introduce people to Kevin, and I’m probably supposed to know their names, and I AM TERRIBLE WITH NAMES, especially names of people I should DAMN WELL KNOW because I work with them, but only actually SEE once in a while.  This is when I wish work email was like facebook and had PICTURES in people’s profiles.

My only hope is impressing them with my MAD SLAW SKILLZ.  Thus, the mango slaw.

With spicy dressing!

It’s pretty good, especially after it sits overnight and all the flavors meld together.  It’s  spicy and sweet and delicious.   Tomorrow before we leave I’ll grab some mint from the pot outside, and this will be ready to go.

ALSO I bought drinks.  DRINKS!  Alcohol smooths over much social awkwardness.

I did manage to find some time to spin today.

That’s 1 bobbin done.  Unfortunately Sunday is the last day of the tour, and we’re going to that party. So I don’t think I’m going to be able to do the entire second bobbin and also ply.  SO this is going to be a Tour straggler.

SHE’S GOING THE DISTANCE!  SHE’S GOING FOR SPEED!  SHE’S ALL ALONE (ALL ALONE!) IN HER TIME OF NEED!

Now get THAT out of your head!