Jφss Sticks

Miss Loi Is Now Officially Available For Home Visits ... To Do Your Homework!

Miss Loi — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 12:32:04 +0000

Even the coffeeshop uncles know it was an April Fools' joke now

Update 4 April 2012: For those of you who are STILL not convinced, Miss Loi has just clarified this on 新明日报 (Shin Min Daily News).

Alright, this post has been STOMPed!

If you belong to the 50+% population of righteous people who are "Enraged" by this, do take a glance at the date of this post (and read through the comments here too just to further convince yourself, if necessary).

Else, enjoy your stay at Jφss Sticks and feel free to browse around, especially for previous 1st April ~~jokes~~ blog posts for your reading pleasure

As countless ~~rejected~~ callers would have known by now, Miss Loi has stopped giving private home tuition since a few years ago - choosing instead to focus her effort and limited time on her 14 (++) exclusive joss sticks sessions at The Temple.

On the other hand, though, there are rumours of her being spotted in the vicinity of various housing estates across Singapore in the wee hours of the night.

*Sigh* ... 既然事情已经到了这个地步, Miss Loi feels that she should now come clean on her moonlighting activities, which require her to visit students' homes regularly again, in part to nip any potentially-nasty gossips in the bud about her sidelining in one of the world's oldest occupation (DON'T YOU DARE).

You see, as reported in this recent news paper article, the combined demands of school work, CCAs and Level 99 worksheets from well-meaning elite tuition centres these days has produced a new (albeit slightly underground) market in the local tuition scene, where specialist tutors zip around the island to "service" students by helping them complete their homework while they get their much-needed rest.

As for Miss Loi, she first got into this a few months back when a desperate parent called her for help, promising to pay her a "fortune" if she would help her son complete a tall stack of math homework left on his desk by that very night.

An inner voice told Miss Loi it wasn't quite right, but ~~having massively overspent on last month's credit card bill~~ a look into the pleading, sunken eyes of the pale, emaciated student evoked her immense sympathy and the rest, as they say, is history. Though she later discovered his lack of rest was caused by watching too many 'live' football matches at 2-4 am

Anyways, now that she has let the kitty out of the bag, Miss Loi might as well take this opportunity to formally announce ...

Miss Loi's μidnight Sticks Homework Program

Stressed by never ending math homework?

Demoralized by your elite tuition centre's Level 99 worksheets?

Depressed and tired by your lack of sleep?

WORRY NO MORE! MISS LOI IS HERE TO HELP!

Get your homework professionally done by one of Singapore's Top Math Tutors and maintain your As!

Available outside her group tuition hours, you can now call upon Super Tutor Miss Loi to complete your child's math homework and assignments while he/she takes that well-deserved rest - all in the comfort of your own home!

Typical Jφss Sticks quality assured!
*Accuracy guaranteed!
No shortcuts - all essential workings displayed!
^Neat handwriting that resembles your child's!
Get praised by teacher the next day for a job well-done!

^*Option to "purposely do some questions wrongly" is available on request, just to maintain credibility.

So keep your child rested and fresh to face the challenges of the next day by outsourcing time-consuming math homework to the ultimate Professional.

Pick up your phone and call 9380 5290 now!
Appointments will be made on a first-come-first-served basis.
Hurry! She can only visit a limited no. of locations each day!

Fees & Charges

Basic

S$250 for 1st hour
S$150 for every subsequent hour or part thereof
Note: Fees are per student

Midnight surcharge

Additional 50% of the above rates from midnight to 5.59am

Peak period surcharge

Additional 25% of the above rates in the following periods:
- 2 weeks before CA/SA
- 1 month before O/N Level

Location surcharge

Additional S$10 per visit to the following regions:
Pasir Ris/Changi/Tuas

Additional S$50 per visit (excl. toll charges) to the following region:
Johor Bahru

Terms & Conditions

Bookings will be on a first-come-first-served basis.
Payment to be made before any homework is done. No payment = no homework.
Strictly ONLY homework will be done - there will be NO tuition, teaching or any explanation activity in the duration of Miss Loi's visit.
Scope of homework is limited to Secondary level O Level/IP/IB/N Level mathematics subjects.
To prevent conflict of interest, NO HOMEWORK FROM THE TEMPLE will be entertained.
Timing shall start the moment Miss Loi steps into your place of residence, and end when she finishes the last question.
To prevent any dispute, you should arrange all homework to be done within the visit in a neat stack prior to Miss Loi's arrival.
Your child is strongly advised to be resting when Miss Loi is here. Any time lost through him/her distracting Miss Loi will still be charged accordingly.
^{^}Miss Loi reserves the right to reject the assignment if your child's handwriting is hopelessly illegible to the point that it's simply impossible to mimic without being found out.
Miss Loi reserves the right amend any of the terms and/or fees without prior notice.

那些年, Your Answers Are The Apple Of My Eye

Miss Loi — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:43:13 +0000

During the recent Chinese New Year house spring cleaning, Miss Loi stumbled upon a dusty old diary from years ago ...

2 Jan 199X

Dear Diary,

This is my first entry.

I woke up at 6.30 AM today. I brushed my teeth at 6.36 AM. After that, I took my bath at 6.39 AM. After that, I ate breakfast at 6.47 AM. After that, I changed into my school uniform at 7.00 AM. After that, I went downstairs to the bus stop to wait for the bus. The bus arrived at 7.05 AM. After that ...

*flips pages impatiently and fast-forward several years ahead*

6 Feb 199(X + 3)

Dear Diary,

Yeah! I scored full marks again for my math test today! Miss Lim even praised me in front of the class!

At the same time, she also scolded those who failed badly (it's always the same few guys - one of whom is actually quite cute). She told them they are a disgrace to the school and asked them why can't they just be like me and study like me.

Actually I hope Miss Lim would stop asking those guys to be like me, because every time she does that, the looks they (and some of my classmates) gave me are pretty scary.

OK I shall stop here - the TCS drama starring the handsome Li Nanxing is about to start soon!

9 Feb 199(X + 3)

Dear Diary,

You know Valentine's Day is around the corner when all my classmates start to hao lian to me their plans for that night.

Anna is already getting all excited about her high class dinner at Jack's Place. Sue is expecting nothing short of a big bouquet of roses containing the number of stalks symbolizing the number of days since she first met her stead.

As for me, while I would be VERY happy if HE (yeah one of the guys who always fails his math tests) asks me out on that day, I don't think I'd stand a chance especially with this latest pimple outbreak.

Well time to study for the Math test which that sadistic Miss Lim had scheduled on 14 Feb.

10 Feb 199(X + 3)

Dear Diary,

HE smiled at me at the tuckshop today!!! I looked around just to confirm if HE wasn't smiling at someone else behind me! I didn't know how to react but I sure hope he doesn't think I was acting dao.

Can't sleep that's why I'm writing this.

11 Feb 199(X + 3)

Dear Diary,

OMG HE smiled at me again today!!! I think I blushed till my pimples burst!

Die lah didn't study much for the math test - all I can think of now are his beautiful eyes and his captivating smile ...

12 Feb 199(X + 3)

Dear Diary,

You can't imagine what a life-changing day it's been! HE APPROACHED ME AT THE TUCKSHOP AND ASKED ME TO BE HIS VALENTINE!!!

Of course I said yes! Can't wait to tell Anna and Sue about this!

Will go to B B Fashion after school tomorrow to shop for a new dress!

13 Feb 199(X + 3)

Dear Diary,

Something terrible has happened.

As HE has been failing all his math tests so far, HE told me that Miss Lim has warned him and his parents that tomorrow's math test is his last chance to stay in our school. If HE fails it he'll get kicked out of school immediately and our Valentine's date would be off since HE will most likely be grounded by HIS parents.

HE suggested that the only way he could possibly pass the test would be for me to somehow smuggle my answers to him during the test.

I told him that's cheating, but I realized it's either that or no Valentine's date for us.

Should I help him or not? Oh I'm so torn and confused!

14 Feb 199(X + 3)

Dear Diary,

It's Valentine's Day. It's also the day of the dreaded math test.

Due to previous incidents of copying, Miss Lim has split the class into separate small rooms of nine students for this test.

As fate would have it, I'm seated directly behind HIM! As I usually finish each test with at least 20 minutes to spare, there should be enough time for me to pass my answers to HIM to copy and then get them back from HIM at the end of the test.

The diagram shows the seating arrangement during the math test. Miss Lim invigilates by patrolling VERY quickly in a general direction from the front to the back of the room.

The only way Miss Lim can spot me passing my answers to HIM (and vice versa) is when she is at the red shaded area in the diagram.

Those rounds when she walks from the back to the front of the room are not considered as it's too dangerous to pass my answers around when we can't see her.

Based on my past observations of the paths Miss Lim took in each round of patrol:

When starting from the front of the room, the probability that she takes the path on her left is 0.6.

At NO point will she travel in the direction back towards the front of the room.

Whenever she reaches a junction, she NEVER turns toward the direction which immediately ends with a door.

During each patrol, she NEVER revisits any portion of the path she has already walked EXCEPT when she reaches a dead end, where she turns back along the same path until she reaches the next junction.

Whenever she reaches a junction,

the probability of her going straight is 0.3, and the probability of her turning left is 0.4, if she is free from all restrictions described in 2, 3, 4.

the probability of her going straight is 0.6, if she is limited by any of the restrictions imposed in 2, 3, 4.

Given that I only have one attempt (right at the start of Miss Lim's round) to pass HIM my answers, and that HE only has one similar attempt to pass them back to me once HE's done copying, what's the probability of either of us getting caught by Miss Lim?

Oh Diary I'm trembling with fear! Please, please let me know my chances of going for my first ever Valentine's date tonight!

I've already bought that dress from B B Fashion. I've used up all my pimple cream. I'm DESPERATE!

P.S. Admittedly this question can be a little tedious - hopefully it can help members of the Lonely Hearts Club to pass some time on 14 February

The Ever-Reliable Apple Weather Widget

2011 GCE O-Level Results – Supernatural

Miss Loi — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:30:31 +0000

When Miss Loi made the decision to build The Temple in 2007, pay was not a key factor.

A Darth Vader-ish voice in her head, and an overwhelming desire to rid as many students as possible of the LMBFH Syndrome were.

The prices of Ikea furniture at the time was also an important consideration.

Oh how nostalgic.

Challenging some of the assignments might be, she had some ground to believe that she would not suffer a drastic increase in white hair in the process, even though she had to up the frequency of her visits to the salon to "fix things".

Limp, dull and lifeless and in dire need of treatment to restore its natural shine

But come the beginning of each year, all those ~~white hair~~ efforts would bring her immense satisfaction when she witnesses yet another batch of Temple devotees complete their cycle of Mathematical Reincarnation.

So it is with these 2011 GCE 'O' Level results, where 100% of this assorted batch of young men and women, flying the United Colors of The Temple, many of whom were 'victims' of the unfortunate 'Sorry, your child is not bright enough' grades-cleansing campaign, defied the odds to pass and attain significant improvement in their grades.

Of her Double Maths students, whom more than half first arrived at The Temple on the brink (i.e. ≤ C6),

an amazing 90.9% of them made the jump to at least a B3 for BOTH E-Maths & A-MATHS,
with 42.85% scoring and 自摸-ing a Full House 满胡對對胡 double-A1 for BOTH E-Maths & A-Maths.
In addition, 81% attained at least a 4-grade jump, with 88.1% attaining at least a 3-grade jump.

GCE O-Level 2011 Double Maths Grades

Of her supposedly “weaker” Single Math students, who ... umm … true to form, belonged to a 百分百 100% 清一色 batch of D7/E8/F9-ers who arrived cold and depressed at The Temple Gates, who were a major source of Miss Loi's frequent visits to the hair salon, some of whom even made Miss Loi wake up in cold sweat in the middle of the night screaming "No! He might repeat! She might not make it!!!" ....

100% attained at least a 4-grade jump to banish their cursed F9s forever to nothing but a distant memory - which could be used to motivate their future grandchildren in the manner of "I used to score F9s just like you, then I went to a Temple and took an arrow in the knee." ... something like that.
75% have made the leap to at least a B3.

GCE O-Level 2011 Single Maths Grades

SCGT Forever!

So it is with these 'O' Level exams, where supernatural efforts tend to reward you with supernatural results. But as Miss Loi bid a final goodbye to yet another batch of supernatural students, she is mindful that for some, however, all that sweat and tears may have sadly not yielded the desired outcome your supernatural efforts deserved.

Judging from the numerous mentions of "Bedok Reservoir" surfacing every now and then on Facebook, Twitter etc. over the course of the week, she's a little disturbed that should the balance be tilted further in the future ... CHOY CHOY CHOY!

As such, Miss Loi shall leave you with this very, very self-explanatory picture ...

Place your bets on the winner here!

... along with a very aptly-written by this reader (borrow your quote hor, mathslover )

... everyone has different talents but sadly some are made to waste time on an exam that is either impossible for them, or so hard that their time can be better spent bettering the future of society doing other things besides studying for it.

Really, instead of making that seal go through tuition to learn how to climb trees, then practise climbing the actual trees used for exams in the last 10 years, why not just release the seal to do what it can do best?

That's why one exam simply does not determine your entire future and what you do in your lifetime, and that the next step you take is always more important than the previous step you left behind.

Yesterday is History. Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a gift. That's why we call it - the Present.
Seize the Day!

No related posts.

The Trumpet Has Sounded For Judgment Day

Miss Loi — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 06:16:40 +0000

Miss Loi was traveling along the TPE towards the CTE ... passing a lonely stretch of road with a handphone "dead zone" where no signal has ever penetrated, be it Singtel, Starhub, M1 or Maxis ... enjoying the serenity it brings ... a quiet moment when she was virtually unreachable ... when she could conveniently forget about the enquiries, her timetable, and the chaos that is her students' CCAs.

The aircon in her car suddenly turned chillingly cold, and she realized she had passed that dead zone when she saw this ...

Judgment Day is Nigh!

So much for serenity ... *teng teng teng teng*

Pour out your feelings with other ... umm ... like-minded folks at the 2011 Judgment Day Event!

"... I'd unravel my grades in the shade of the afternoon sun"

2009 GCE O Level Results Judgment Day On Monday!

All I Want For Christmas Is A Super Science Tutor

Miss Loi — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 15:05:38 +0000

The flakes of festive snow flitted gently along the (newly installed) blue theme of this web page as Miss Loi watched idly, wrapping herself in a subtle hope that this mesmerising scene would go on forever.

姐, it's time.

*Hope dashed*

Oh is it really time?

Yup it's final call for the flight that will send me to my dream of becoming a medical doctor.

*points at departure monitor*

OK then. Merry Christmas, have a safe trip and hopefully the trains over there are more reliable than the Cleopatra Railways we have here.

Merry Christmas 姐. Will miss miss all of you.

*hugs*

Thus, like a snowflake that ended its journey at a sea of glistening snow, the departure of Little Miss Loi from The Temple is complete.

And thus begins the search for the next Level 99+ all-LMBFH Syndrome-conquering Super Science Tutor *sweats*

Meanwhile here's wishing all a

Merry Christmas & A Great 2012 Ahead!

GCE O Level 2011 Oct/Nov Combined Science (Physics/Chemistry) 5116 MCQ Paper 1 Suggested Answers & Solutions

Little Miss Loi — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 07:20:51 +0000

For the last time ... a last look at the sky, a last glance at the booklet, and a final series of codes:

Physics Q1-10	ACBBA ABADB
Physics Q11-20	CBDCD CCADD
Chemistry Q21-30	DBABA BDACC
Chemistry Q31-40	DCCDA DBBAC

Do they tally with yours?

Note: If you are taking Physics/Biology or Chemistry/Biology, the set of Physics/Chemistry MCQs in the relevant section of your paper should be exactly the same.

Update: For the last time .... the list of workings and explanations for each of the answers (where applicable) have been compiled (along with the questions at the end)!

Access here by clicking the button (if you haven't yet done so).

2011 O-Level October/November Combined Science (Physics, Chemistry) 5116 Paper 1 Suggested Solutions

That's all folks. Goodbye and enjoy your holidays and FREEDOM!

GCE O Level 2011 Oct/Nov Chemistry 5072 (MCQ) Paper 1 Suggested Answers & Solutions

Little Miss Loi — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 01:23:56 +0000

Another morning, another booklet, another series of codes sent:

Q1-10	CDDAA CBDBA
Q11-20	BABDA DAADB
Q21-30	BADBD ADDDA
Q31-40	CDBCB ABCCA

Note: After staring long and hard at the ang moh anomaly that is Q22, I've decided to change its answer to A. Reason being that scrap steel, containing a higher percentage (98%) of iron, will lead to a better yield and reduce mining wastes when iron is produced from it via recycling. The highlighted portion would definitely qualify as a correct reason if only it had been included in the original statement - instead of sparking intense debates like this

Do they tally with yours?

Update: Once again, the list of workings and explanations for each of the answers (where applicable) have been compiled (along with the questions at the end)!

You may access here by clicking the button (if you haven't yet done so).

2011 O-Level October/November Chemistry 5072 Paper 1 Suggested Solutions

As usual, hopefully this will help in some way to settle some of the debates regarding some of the answers (and hopefully not create more in the process!)

GCE A Level 2011 Oct/Nov H2 Maths 9740 Paper 2 & H1 Maths 8864 Paper 1 Suggested Answers & Solutions

Mr Loi — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:32:04 +0000

Hello it's me again *rubs eyes*

It's been a looooooong day. And yeah the A Level Maths papers have been a little tricky this year.

While I recognize that many of have had a tough time working out the papers for the past two mornings, do spare a thought for me who have been ~~forced by my sis to~~ working out three A Level Maths papers in the past two days (plus tuition time) as you browse through my suggested answers to today's H2 Maths Paper 2 which you may access here by clicking the button (if you haven't yet done so).

Latest version:

H2 Maths Paper 2

1.1:
Q2(ii) Modified rejection reason to 2x < n (as kindly pointed out by Chen Jing)
Q3(iii): x = -0.4847 instead of -0.4877 (misread due to pen no ink )
Q8(iv): 13.5 - corrected rounding error (as kindly pointed out by Ah Wei)
Q12(iii) - removed lower limit of 0 since there's nothing stopping the number of people joining the queue to be greater than the number leaving the queue (as pointed out by sam)
1.2:
Q2(ii) - Simplified the final answer further.
Q8(i) - Removed extra point from scatter diagram which should contain only 5 points (I swear I plotted only 5 points that night!!!)
Q12(iii) - removed the continuity correction since the approximated aggregated Normal distribution is already continuous. Therefore no continuity correction is needed (apologies for this oversight and I hope this will bring closure to this part).
Q12(iv) - added missing answer (too tired that night and missed this!)

GCE A Level H2 Maths 9740 Paper 2 (left) H1 Maths 8864 Paper 1 (right)
suggested solutions & answers

As usual, please leave a comment should you spot any mistake in this set of suggested solutions - as mentioned it's been rather tiring doing the many, many A Level Maths papers these two days *faints*

Last but not least, if you haven't yet done so, do say hi to me when you drop by in Facebook

GCE O Level 2011 Oct/Nov Physics 5058 (MCQ) Paper 1 Suggested Answers & Solutions

Little Miss Loi — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 01:38:32 +0000

Hello again everyone,

After having taken possession a certain booklet, I'm sitting in my sister's car, looking up at the bright blue morning sky, while sending out this series of codes:

Q1-10	CCBCB AACCB
Q11-20	DCBDB CBADA
Q21-30	ACABC BCBAB
Q31-40	DCBDA BDDAD

Note: Answer for Q33 has been changed to B. Sorry for the misinformation!

Do they tally with yours?

Update: The list of workings and explanations for each of the answers (where applicable) have been compiled (along with the questions at the end)!

You may access here by clicking the button (if you haven't yet done so).

Latest version: 1.1: Q38 - corrected typo and updated explanation

2011 O-Level October/November Physics 5058 Paper 1 Suggested Solutions

Hopefully this will help in some way to settle some of the debates regarding some of the answers (and hopefully not create more in the process!)

Good luck for those of you with your remaining Science MCQ papers! ALMOST THERE!!!

GCE A Level 2011 Oct/Nov H2 Maths 9740 Paper 1 Suggested Answers & Solutions

Mr Loi — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 13:37:44 +0000

Hello it's me again.

Something landed on my lap this afternoon, followed by what I could almost hear was a thousand screams of anguish coming at the end of today's H2 Maths Paper 1.

To find out what happened, I've worked out my own suggested answers which you may access here by clicking the button (if you haven't yet done so).

Latest version:

1.1: Added the constant of integration (+c) to the answer for Q8(i) -thanks clarionx!

As usual, please leave a comment should you spot any mistake in this set of suggested solutions, which was produced under the peering eyes of some students from today's class *sweats*

Oh by the way, do say hi to me when you drop by in Facebook

Now go revise your

Functions (composite & inverse)
Transformation / Hyperbolas / Curve sketching (oblique asymptotes) (remember to use Radian mode should you be called to sketch a trigo graph!)
Integration by parts/substitution/ Volume of revolutions
Recurrence / Sequences (T_n = S_n − S_n−1)
Complex Numbers (Rationalization & Simultaneous Equations)

All the best for your Paper 2 on a very auspicious (I hope) 11-11-11!