Ex-Everything

May Birchbox

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Fri, 24 May 2013 13:00:00 +0000

First off, I have no pictures. Deal. It was a brown box with some pink paper. Same shit, different products.

I love Birchbox, seriously. I've ordered hundreds of dollars of stuff from them because I got to sample it and fell in love but this month I am seriously PISSED OFF. I saw on some Facebook posts that people were commenting about a Nuance Salma Hayek box they had received. I was immediately curious and googled it. Yep, some people got a free bonus box of products from Salma Hayek's beauty line for CVS.

I mean, WHATEVER. In the past we've had the option of getting a special theme box or the regular box but I've never been offered a free box in ADDITION to my regular box.

Naturally, BB has been mum about it on Facebook and has only blogged about the new line but not that they gave out boxes to some. We don't even have CVS in Colorado so maybe that influenced them not picking me.

ON TO THE SHIT I ACTUALLY GOT:

1. COOLA Classic SPF 30 Cucumber Moisturizer for Face - I'm in love with this stuff. I hesitate to pull the trigger on buying it because $32.00 seems like an obnoxious amount for face lotion. I do love the smell and feel but....it's under consideration.

2. Beauty Protector Protect & Detangle - This bills itself as a leave-in conditioner but it's super light and I wouldn't go so far as to call it a conditioner. It does a very nice job detangling which I need and I will definitely be purchasing this.

3. Sumita Color Contrast Eyeliner - I'm pretty sure this wasn't full-size but it's large enough. I like it. It's very smooth and the color stays true all day. I'm considering buying the lime green color. Thoughts? Seriously tell me.

4. Isaac Mizrahi FABULOUS Eau de parfum - Lovely scent but I'm maxed out on fragrances right now. Recently, Birchbox has added an option to your beauty profile to decline perfume samples. I don't mind getting them but I'm thinking of checking it anyway just to get more makeup/skincare samples instead.

My fifth item was the pen that everyone was bitching about on Facebook but I thought it was fun and it's cute. I'm super happy with this month!

Did you get anything different?

Sign up for Birchbox here if you haven't already and seriously what are you waiting for???

I'll be reviewing my May Ipsy bag too. It was SO GOOD this month! I also signed up for the POPSUGAR Must Have box and am eagerly anticipating my first box. Do you subscribe to Popsugar? Tell me if you love/hate it!

ERMAHGERD.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Wed, 15 May 2013 13:00:00 +0000

This was actually a pretty big week when I wasn't busy wallowing in self-pity.

I joined Weight Watchers. I just picked the online dealy and opted out of the in-person meetings because I really can't imagine anything less enjoyable. I'm sure it's a supportive environment and all that but...um...I'm skeptical.

When we first moved to Colorado I started logging all my food on MyFitnessPal and ended up losing about 20 pounds and a pants size! I would say 90% of that was switching to diet soda, completely quitting fast food and not eating a piece of pizza every day for lunch at work.

The good thing (sometimes annoying) about my job now is that the cafeteria isn't even open for a single minute during my shift. I've never spent a dime there and I always bring my lunch. Sometimes I still have trouble convincing myself to eat in the middle of the night and I end up starving and wanting to shove eight McMuffins in my mouth when I get off but I've gotten a lot better.

So far, it doesn't really FEEL like a diet in the sense that I can (almost) eat anything I want and still be within my points. It's pretty easy to follow and I like the iPad app (except that I wish the scanner was an integrated part of the app and/or that it was available on the iPad). I guess we'll see if I lose anything doing this combined with walking at least an hour three to four times a week.

Gaze upon my fat face and my less fat face.

So, there's that. Left was last May/June and the right was April of this year. Also, someone talk me out of it next time I think I want to go brunette again. I'm so much happier/better as a blond, you know? Blond fo lyfe.

GERD!!!

Have you done Weight Watchers (or something similar) and had good results and/or have any tips or advice?

My First Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Tue, 14 May 2013 13:00:00 +0000

Fuck the fuck out of Mother's Day.

I just kept pretending like maybe it wouldn't be hard but then we went out to breakfast and there was a baby toddling all around and being cute as fuck and Jason's eyes just lit up and he was so entranced and I just wanted to die.

I very rarely feel like this any more and it took me by surprise.

It really shouldn't though. I've been feeling really shitty lately. I've put a lot of pressure on myself to get pregnant again and it has been weighing on me. People ask me all the time if I'm pregnant again and tell me not to stress or think about it (IMPOSSIBLE!). They also say that it'll just "happen when it's supposed to happen" and advise me to just "have a lot of sex".

I mean, okay. None of that is helpful or particularly comforting but I know they mean well.

But I'm just frustrated and feel like a complete failure. The cycle of doing ovulation tests, trying, getting hopeful, taking pregnancy tests, looking at tests from different angles in case there's a secret second line that I can see if I just look hard enough, then eventually accepting it's true and I'm not pregnant just to start all over is so depressing. I don't know how people do this for years and stay sane. Three months in and I AM A MESS.

So, I decided (and Jason agreed) that we could stop trying for a little while. I feel like I'm wasting time and I'm not getting any younger but I'm just tired, you know? I'm just tired of being disappointed.

Just so tired.

My new favorite thangsssss.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Thu, 02 May 2013 14:00:00 +0000

I've bought a lot of makeup/products lately. A lot. It's really ridiculous. Some things are hits and some things are a terrible waste of money (sigh) but because I love sharing what I learn I'm going to tell you which ones were top of the top! Some of these are drugstore and some are "prestige" brands and were purchased at either Ulta, Sephora or Birchbox (best ten dollars I spend every month).

1. Naked 2 Palette. Yes, it's pretty expensive (I used a gift card to buy it) but I'm not even remotely embellishing when I say that it's so versatile and beautiful. I hardly use any other eyeshadow now.

2. Stila Custom Color Blush in Sheer Pink. I was skeptical. Seriously skeptical. For me the Stila brand is pretty hit or miss. I like their lip glosses and eyeshadow palettes but I hate with a fiery passion their liquid eyeliner. Anyhow, this is pretty great and does exactly what it says. You will be scared when you first see this. It's almost a neon pink in person. You only need a VERY small amount - a small tap with your brush will do and it's a very flattering subtle pink shade but you can also build it up without it looking odd. I also just found out there's a coral shade and a bronzer and I'm planning to buy both of those.

3. L'Oreal Colour Riche Balm. I can't rave enough about these. They are GORGEOUS and sheer and subtle and creamy and moisturizing and just absolute perfection. Buy the blue color, Sundays by the Seine. TRUST.

(image from Eating Lipstick)

4. Nexxus Youth Renewal Rejuvenating Elixir. Phew, what a mouthful. Again, I was skeptical of this product. I got a sample in my April Birchbox and I was like...yeah....WHATEVER. I started using it though and I immediately noticed a difference in my split ends, manageability and shine. Also, if you buy it at Ulta right now you get a free full size Pro Mend Split End Smoothing Shine Serum (which I also love).

5. Covergirl Jumbo Gloss Balm These are cheap and wonderful. I have three colors but my favorite and the one I've gotten the most compliments on is the Coral Twist color. They are super moisturizing and long lasting. Love. Also, these are often BOGO or BOGO50% at Walgreens.

6. Aveeno Clear Complexion BB Cream I've tried almost every drugstore BB cream (except the Rimmel one) and this is the absolute leader of the pack. I have skin that will breakout if you look at it the wrong way and this one has never broken me out, stays non-oily and beautiful all day and is the only BB cream I've ever used that has actually IMPROVED my skin. I highly recommend this to people with crazy annoying skin like mine.

7. L'Oreal Hydra Fresh Toner I have tried toners before and never really gotten into them. They normally dry out my skin or are too harsh and make my skin freak out. I bought this on a whim at Walgreens and I can't even tell you what a difference it has made in the feel and look of my skin. I use it once a day and this combined with my Aveeno Positively Radiant products have gotten rid of most of the stubborn blackheads I used to have. I'm NEVER going to back to a toner-less life.

That's about it! I have a list about twice as long of products I regret buying and will post that soon!

(Also, I'm not pregnant in case anyone is wondering. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

Have you bought anything rave-worthy lately? Tell me!

I don't know when I became this person.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 12:00:00 +0000

I was planning to be completely casual and relaxed about trying to get pregnant.

Obviously, I failed miserably. That's TWO DIFFERENT kinds of ovulation tests.

The bottom one is the Wondfo brand strips. I bought them from Amazon and was pretty skeptical about their efficacy just based on price but as you can see they work exactly as well as the super expensive Clearblue Easy digital ovulation kits. I used the Wondfos to test every day and when I got a positive (the second line has to be as dark or darker than the control line - which I was like, is it? It looks like it but is it exactly as dark!?! I can't tell!), I tested with the Clearblues to double check. I'd have to get another job if we were exclusively using the Clearblues but I do like using them as a back up because "as dark" is a pretty hard thing to judge.

Thinking about renaming this blog to: ENDLESS UPDATES ABOUT WHAT IS OR ISN'T IN MY UTERUS. I mean, brilliant, right?

Marriage: A highlight.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 12:00:00 +0000

Scene: Me SLAVING (making spaghetti. ha!) away in the kitchen while Jason watches the State of the Union.

Jason: If I'm ever President, I don't want to be called The Commander in Chief.
Me: Oh?
Jason: Yeah, I want to be called the BAMFIC.
Me: ....
Jason: BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER IN CHARGE.

So, now you know America.

Changing, I'm talking 'bout changing.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 13:00:00 +0000

We're moving.

One way or another, I have to get the hell out of Colorado. We got married here and I will always be somewhat fond of this place but it isn't home.

The only problem is that our families live in two different states: California and Texas. We both have different ideas of home. What to do, what to do!?

Let's make a list of pros and cons for both places.

Texas Pros:
1. I grew up in the state, I love it
2. It's a big city
3. NO SNOW
4. More job opportunities for me
5. More school opportunities (if I ever get my crap together and go back)
6. Cost of living/housing is more reasonable

Texas Cons:
1. Only Jason's family lives there (except for my dad a couple hours away)
2. It's humid/hot like eleven months a year
3. It's a red state/Rick Perry

California Pros:
1. It's California, DUH
2. My family lives there and most of them are pretty fantastic
3. No humidity
4. THE BEACH ZOMG THE BEACH

California Cons:
1. Smaller city
2. Literally zero jobs for me
3. I hated living there when I did
4. Cost of living - ugh

I think I'm leaning towards Texas but...I don't want to make the wrong decision because wherever we go, I solemnly pinky swore we would stay for five years (at least). I'd really like to settle down somewhere and buy a house (especially since we are officially trying to get pregnant again! yay! over-sharing!) and adopt a dog.

Life decisions are hard, yo.

Hairstyling.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 15:00:00 +0000

I saw a tutorial on The Small Things Blog that I fell in love with. I'm actually kind of obsessed with her hair and mine will never ever look as good but I wanted to try anyway. A friend on The Facebook posted a picture of me from seventh grade and I realized my hair looks exactly the same today as it did then. I mean, really? Double-you-tee-eff. So, I've been trying to make more of an effort. I've even recently started using products. I literally never used ANYTHING besides shampoo and conditioner on my hair before about a month ago. No hairspray. No heat protectant. No texturizer. Nothing. Nothing. My Birchbox (seriously - go right now and sign up!) has helped me get more familiar with some things I've always wanted to try like this and this.

So, this was how it turned out:

This was maybe the fifth time in my life I've used a curling iron and maybe the tenth that I've used bobby pins. It's not an exact recreation of her look (as if I ever could) but it is definitely different from my usual.

Okay, off to watch more hair and makeup tutorials! Did you know this internet thing is good for more than funny cat pictures?

Results.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 04:23:00 +0000

The genetic test results were 'inconclusive'.

Knife to the heart.

Tripping.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 23:09:00 +0000

This weekend we went to San Antonio.

The last time I went was in 7th grade for a Texas history field trip. We got to take a tour bus (with TVs!) all the way to San Antonio from Dallas. Four long hours. We saw the Alamo (distinctly disappointing), the Hard Rock Cafe (absolutely thrilling to a 13 year old) and the Witte Museum which specializes in (according to their website) lifelong learning through innovative exhibitions, programs, and collections in natural history, science and South Texas heritage. It was and still is the best time I had in middle school. Ugh, middle school, amirite?

San Antonio is my husband's hometown and I was skeptical of whether I would like it but....I HAD THE BEST TIME.

On the first day we went on the Riverwalk boat tour. Definitely worth your $8.25! Also, you can drink on the lower level of the Riverwalk - even the boats. How fun is that?

Sunday we went to Z Tejas for the post-race brunch. I know it's a chain but I hadn't ever been there and it was disgustingly good. I had the Z-style eggs benedict which was two poached eggs atop cornbread with jalapeno bacon and chipotle hollandaise. I mean - oh my god. I highly suggest you go soak some cornbread in delicious egg yolk right away. Best combination ever.

Later we went to karaoke where I got way too drunk. Shameeeee. Here's a picture of my husband singing Maroon 5 and pretty much being a badass:

He's wearing his (half) marathon finisher shirt. He finished 14th out of over 2000. He's a machine and it scares me.

Monday morning we went to Magnolia Pancake Haus and it pretty much blew my mind. If you're ever in San Antonio this is a MUST GO place. They only serve breakfast and lunch but trust me when I say that you want the breakfast. You want it. Look in my eyes. You want it.

After that we flew home and straight into a snowstorm. Our plane had to circle for thirty minutes before we could land.

I couldn't be more over Colorado.

Graduation.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 23:34:00 +0000

It's been all mopey, mopey, mopey around here but I'm actually doing pretty well! Surprisingly well considering where I was a few weeks ago. I went to another therapy appointment today and she was really pleased with how things are going. I (sort of, kind of) graduated. I don't have to go every week anymore but I will continue to go for check ups once a month. I'm back to the same level of screwed up I was before all this happened! I think this is what they call winning.

I also went back to work this week and while I had built up an amazing amount of anxiety about it - it was actually completely fine. I actually enjoyed being there. I guess I'll keep going then. JAYKAY I HAD NO CHOICES.

We're going on a trip this weekend for Jason to run a half-marathon (he's one of those) and hopefully I have some happy, happy pictures and stories to share.

Things are moving forward.

Onward.

Distraction.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 03:35:00 +0000

When I'm sad and it's not during my specified "grieving time", I'm supposed to distract myself by doing something useful. The other day I wanted to wallow in the announcement that another Teen Mom star was pregnant - again. I started thinking how fucking unfair it is that two of them (two!) are on their second go around and I can't have one lousy baby.

But that's idiotic thinking and so, I cleaned the entire apartment. When I was pregnant, I felt like shit the entire fourteen weeks and two days. I was nauseous, lethargic, moody and I basically did nothing - no grocery shopping, no cooking, no cleaning - nothing for most of those weeks. I know. It's terrible and embarrassing. It took me the better part of three hours and I didn't clean Jason's bathroom or the second bedroom that is basically his closet. Yeah, shameful.

I woke up the next day sore as hell. You know you're lazy as shit when cleaning your relatively small apartment is too taxing on your quads. Shame, shame, shame.

Sometimes I'm not very good at distracting myself, though. If you follow me on Pinterest, you saw me repin a bunch of melancholy, pathetically sad sayings the other night (and don't you desperately want to follow me now?). After Jason goes to bed and I'm alone with Google, it gets rough around here. There are only so many Daily Shows on the DVR, you know?

So, I've come up with a new plan to distract myself!

1. I'm going back to logging/obsessively monitoring my food. I use My Fitness Pal to do this - sometimes I love it, sometimes it annoys the shit out of me but it's helped me lose 20 pounds so far.

2. I'm going to exercise a couple times a week. Since I only work part-time there's really no excuse to not go outside sometimes (provided the weather is less Arctic and more, you know, inhabitable). Probably just some walking to start with. Nothing exciting to see here.

3. I'm going to avoid the shit out of Pinterest, Facebook and Google once Jason goes to bed. This is the most important part of the plan.

4. I'm going to clean out every drawer in this house. Coupons from 2011 beware!

5. I'm going to read more. Follow me on Goodreads?

Any other ideas? I probably won't like them but you can tell me anyways.

Belief.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 02:38:00 +0000

Sometimes I wish that I believed in God.

I don't. I don't think this happened for some divine reason. I don't think my baby is an angel waiting for us in heaven. I don't think this was god's plan as some well-meaning but particularly infuriating people have said. You think God's plan was for me to get pregnant and then have my baby die? That seems like the dumbest plan I've ever heard. He could have just stopped me from being pregnant instead of you know, killing my baby and breaking my heart.

But, I don't believe and so, it's hard for me to imagine some reality where that would be a reasonable explanation or even a comfort to soothe my wounds.

I don't have anything against believing. I think it would be unbelievably comforting. I just don't have that luxury. My brain and heart are firmly in the need proof camp and if anything recent events have pushed me further away.

Maybe if I had to imagine a reason that this happened it would be something about how before this happened I was pretty much on the fence about having children. I liked the idea of having a baby but I wasn't sure that I could be a mom - a good mom. I'm sure everyone worries about these things but my fears were particularly acute.

Since this happened, I'm more sure than ever that I can be a mom. A good mom. A pretty good mom. I'll probably screw up more than I could ever imagine but I'll try and I'll love them more than anyone else ever could.

I don't know if it's exactly solace but it's something.

Anger is so easy.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 04:04:00 +0000

Biggest letdown of the day: Getting a call from the doctor's office and expecting it to be about the genetic testing. They really just had questions about the insurance and billing of my claims. I was sleeping too!

Biggest accomplishment: Doing my hair AND makeup AND taking Jason some dinner while he's working a twelve hour shift (poor thing).

Starting at about day two, anger became became my emotion of choice and all of my rage was directed at Jason. I told him that I wanted a divorce. I know. You shouldn't ever say that word but somehow this was all his fault and I didn't want to be married anymore. We got married (so quickly) because we were having a baby and now? No baby. It made sense to me that we didn't need to be married anymore either. Basically, I wanted to burn my entire world to the ground.

I laid in bed and sobbed and sobbed and planned what I was going to do as a newly single lady. I would get a one bedroom apartment and drench it in pink and then I would sleep sideways in my bed BECAUSE I CAN. I even decided Jason could keep our cat. Archer likes him better anyway.

And then on Thursday, I woke up and realized I was acting like an asshole. His baby died too (I keep repeating this to myself). And truth be told, he was way more excited about being a father than I was about being a mother. I would have gotten there eventually but he was there from day one. I love him over the moon for that. He was all-in.

We went away for the weekend and we're so much better today. I think we're going to make it through this.

Dealing.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 01:54:00 +0000

When I went last week to the obstetrician for a check up/ultrasound (yep, definitely an empty uterus), I asked if she would refer me to a therapist to get some grief counseling. Today was my first appointment.

I've been to a therapist before (who hasn't?). Jason and I went after we had been living together for awhile and that worked for us. I'm a believer in therapy but I'm also a natural avoider. I am really, really good at just not dealing with things. I decided pretty much right away that this was one thing I simply had to deal with.

The first question she asked me was why I was there. Saying why out loud was hard and of course I started crying immediately (and pretty much never stopped). She made me feel very comfortable and most importantly she gave me some things to do. An actual goal! A mission! Yes! Action plans are my first real love.

She told me that I need to schedule time to grieve. Three times this week, I have to spend an hour or two alone doing whatever it takes to feel all the feelings that I feel. I don't know what this is going to look like besides ugly crying. Lots and lots of ugly crying.

She told me that feeling out of control is what this is all about but that I do have control over some things. I hadn't considered that before but yeah, this happened to me (us). Going forward though I have control over what I do with the feelings (oh my god, so many feelings). It doesn't feel like I have control over anything right now but I think maybe...maybe today I got a little glimmer of hope for the future.

So, that's a win for today. A small step foward.

(Thank you all for your sweet messages of sympathy. It's very much appreciated. I also promise that this entire blog won't be about this (probably) but it has been the catalyst to me writing again.)

Barren.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 07:40:00 +0000

(Alternative title: Let's get this over with.)

My baby died. I had a miscarriage on January 4th, 2013.

I wasn't even planning on being pregnant. I had just gotten engaged a few weeks prior and was obnoxiously flipping out over the wedding. I was in the process of changing jobs (read: insuranceless). Things were a little chaotic.

I took seven tests on the morning of November 1st. All seven gave me two pink lines. Positive. I was ~~a little~~ in shock. Even though I knew I was late, I just thought I was stressed out or my math was wrong. I showed them to Jason and we just looked at each other like, what now?

He was over the moon. I was skeptical. I made appointments, I took vitamins, I barfed a lot. I stopped drinking Monsters which was especially difficult because I simultaneously started working night shifts. Do you have any concept of how hard it is to stay up all night with no caffeine? Pure. Torture.

After some discussion and research, we decided to do the first trimester screening for things like Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18. We wanted peace of mind and I wanted to do it because it involved an ultrasound and seeing my baby was the best thing I could imagine doing.

When we went for the test, the baby was in the wrong position to get good measurements and we spent a lot of time staring at it just lying there, occasionally moving an arm or leg. We tried a lot of different silly things to see if that would make it move around. It didn't. The ultrasound tech did her best but we eventually had to call it quits. She said we might have to come back another day to try again. This is a time sensitive test and a few days later I was asked to come back to try again.

It was a regular day. I had gotten off work at seven that morning and I was exhausted. I just wanted to get the whole thing over with so I could go home and sleep. The ultrasound tech called us back to the room and as soon as she started the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong. Nothing looked like anything. Nothing was recognizable. I could tell she saw what I saw and she said she had to get the doctor. I just laid there, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't tell Jason what I was sure was happening. I couldn't say it out loud. When the doctor came back they looked a little more and she eventually said, "Guys, we don't see a heartbeat. The baby must have died sometime this week. I'm so sorry."

I instantly went into scientific, survival mode. I thought of all the questions I needed to ask to prepare myself for what was about to happen. What are my options? Did I need surgery? What was it going to feel like? How much bleeding is too much bleeding? When will it stop? Why? Why the fuck is my baby dead? Is it my fault? Is it because I was taking an antidepressant? Is it because of that time we had a fight and I got super stressed out? Is it because of something wrong with my uterus? Is it because I ate sushi? Or that roast beef sandwich? How could I not know? Why didn't I have any symptoms? And on and on and on.

I couldn't be sad yet. I had to gather information. I had a mission. I was numb. I was focused on getting through the actual miscarriage. I could be sad after that.

I spent the entire night awake because I was incredibly nervous about what was about to happen to my body. I wasn't in pain but I was uncomfortable. Just cramping. Eventually around five or six, I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later and it happened. In a way I was relieved because it wasn't nearly as painful as I was expecting. That could be the percocet talking, though.

The next few days were worse than I could have imagined. I went to a very, very dark place and...frankly, I was a little scared about my mental state. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who let me rage at him, who brought me cheeze-its and diet cokes and who took me away for the weekend.

I've been slowly telling people since then. We told our families right away, of course. Hearing my mom sob and say, "my poor grandchild" pretty much broke my heart forever. But many, many people have shared their similar stories with me and it has made me feel a million times less alone. I still don't know why this happened and I probably won't ever know. I think I can live with that, though.

If anything good has come out of this, it's the fact that I'm unbelievably, unequivocally, irreversibly, desperately in love with the idea of the two of us becoming a family of three.

Remember when.

noreply@blogger.com (The Ex) — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 06:57:00 +0000

So many things have happened to me since I stopped blogging. Good things, many good things. A few horrible things that have really inspired me to want to write. I will. Not today but soon.

Let's start with some good things!

I got married to a pretty good guy (way better than I deserve, honestly). We got hitched at the courthouse on 11/9/12. Just us, two random lawyers and the judge. It was perfect and exactly what I wanted. It really, really pissed off his family though and well, that's a whole post I can't even get into today.

I found out I was pregnant! After seven tests, I was pretty convinced it wasn't a mistake. This didn't end exactly as expected either.

We moved to Colorado Springs! Serious upgrade from Amarillo. Now that its winter, I'm seriously pissed that we live in Colorado though. I WANT TO GET WARM.

Now reverse the order of those. That's how it happened. Moved, knocked up, shotgun wedding.

I'm back, bitches. If there are even people who care anymore.